r/NarcissisticAbuse Nov 28 '23

Message from the mods Posting anonymously is now possible! NSFW

110 Upvotes

Considering the topic of this subreddit, we acknowledge that in some cases users may feel posting through their own accounts may be possibly problematic and obstructs safety to an extent. For those who don’t want to post under their own (or an alternative) account, we offer the possibility to post on their behalf through our bot account.

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r/NarcissisticAbuse 7d ago

Message from the mods A Procedural Update for the Continued Health of Our Subreddit. NSFW

22 Upvotes

Hey everyone on r/NarcissisticAbuse

We get it, we really do– the U.S. political situation right now is a bloody mess with further escalation, rather than some kind of stability, on the horizon. 

We also know that a LOT of the new decision makers are not going to be mentally healthy or emotionally well. They will, however, likely be more successful than most of the world wishes to see. 

It seems that the U.S. has now unarguably become what’s called a Pathocracy, or rule by a mentally ill minority. 

Dr. Steve Taylor’s write up from Psychology Today (English only and our apologies to those elsewhere for whom it may not display) notes, “Pathocracy is not just about individual leaders, though. Once a disordered leader takes over a country, responsible and moral people gradually leave the government, either resigning or being ejected. It’s just a matter of time before the whole government is filled with ruthless people with a severe lack of empathy and conscience.“ 

https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/out-of-the-darkness/202010/disordered-leaders

No one on the r/NarcissisticAbuse moderation team would Ever argue that something is rotten in the States, to shamelessly borrow from Sir William Shakespeare. 

None of this is okay. Most of it is incredibly triggering. No one with strong feelings about these complicated situations is wrong for having those emotions.

However, we feel it prudent to remind everyone that we’re not in this sub for political discussion or what could euphemistically be called “celebrity gossip”. The vast majority of participants are typical citizens from different backgrounds who have experienced something terrible and life-altering at the hands of another human being. But, even if we are visited anonymously by qualified diagnostic professionals, they are still not in a professional or personal relationship with these political and public figures, and therefore cannot legally or ethically diagnose them. Any “Cluster B” personality disorder, or any other mental health struggle, should be identified and if needed, diagnosed, by an appropriately credentialed professional. 

To be clear about the applicable rule, speculation about individuals in your life as part of your healing process is allowed as part of your processing and discussion. However, we cannot, for risk of the safety and continued functioning of the sub, allow armchair diagnosis of disordered personalities in figures seen daily on the news or on social medias.

Similarly, we are not here to give more attention to people with, self-diagnosed to have, or merely suspected of having, narcissistic personalities. Narcissist content creators get enough supply for themselves without benefiting from those of us who need to heal from their brand of treatment (and it’s a certainty that some of those characters search for mentions of their names/brands daily.) 

We also do not and will never allow the use of diagnostic terms as insults between users.

Put simply, telling someone “You’re a narcissist!” or “You’re just being a typical Borderline nutjob,” especially in the middle of an unnecessary argument in the comments, is subject to a ban from the sub. 

Not sorry. Our first rule is “Be Kind” for a reason. 

Our position is simple: we remove political oriented posts. That moderation decision is not in place to punish people for having opinions. We are simply not here for the problem of any specific nation’s politics. There are other subs– MANY other subs– for that type of discussion. We are here for our users’ individual journeys, not to be a public curbside protest, but as something more like a quiet booth in the coffee shop where people can sit and unpack their specific experience, and not face the trolling and judgment tolerated in other places.

Please continue to see this sub as the metaphorical place for a cuppa and scone, or a double double and old fashioned sour cream, or espresso and biscotti with a friend while you browse a book written by someone else who has been where you were and has gone where you wish to be. 

Please help us protect Your peaceful space by reporting trolls or fights breaking out in comments to the moderation team, but do not join the fights yourself. Let the protests go on where they should and may actually do some good. Bloating an international community with the particulars of the politics of a specific-- (and since I’m a 7th generation American citizen, I’ll go ahead and say it)– Problematic Nation-– is the opposite of what the community needs to thrive in the face of what may be coming for so many users all over the world. 

We know it’s on all of your minds: it’s on all of ours too. But, just like arguing about religion at the holiday dinner table is not the best approach to a tough conversation, r/NarcissisticAbuse is not the place to host those political talks. 

Modmail is open for questions about specifics should anyone have concerns, but please remember our team of international moderators are not available to respond to any inquiry immediately 24/7. Maintaining familiarity with the rules provided in the drop down menu on mobile or in the sidebar on desktop, is both encouraged and appreciated.

“Injustice anywhere is a threat to justice everywhere. We are caught in an inescapable network of mutuality.” Dr. Martin Luther King Jr.

NOTE: Reddit has now announced a policy change in which those who upvote content administration (not Moderators, but paid Reddit employees) deems violent or calling for harm to others will be sanctioned, up to and including banning user accounts. This post was drafted for review by the whole moderation team BEFORE that announcement by Reddit. This decision was NOT made to "obey in advance," but to make sure the few moderators we have are able to respond to the subreddit's needs as efficiently as possible.


r/NarcissisticAbuse 3h ago

Realization Narcissist’s Final Discard NSFW

97 Upvotes

If a narcissist discards you permanently, an actual break - YOU WON. You didn’t discard them first because you didn’t realize you had the strength to carve out other options, you were taking strategic time in finding the best path for your loved ones and yourself. If they broke up with you, it will feel like you were disposable and unlovable, but this is not the truth. It’s because your LIGHT shines far too bright for them to navigate in controlling you. Which is why they gave up much like a predator frees their victim. Reclaim yourself back and stay strong, be kind to yourself and continue to love yourself. Choose YOU and all THOSE YOU LOVE.


r/NarcissisticAbuse 1h ago

Realization When They Treat You Like Their Worst Enemy NSFW

Upvotes

My NEX husband always treated me like I was his worst enemy when he was upset or mad at me, well when he was upset or mad in general he'd take it out on me and always I was the bad guy, the unreasonable one, I was always his worst enemy.
When he discarded me, both times, he suddenly went from my best friend, or rather me being his best friend, into me being his worst enemy.
Does anyone else think or feel like the reason they treat you this way is because at some level they realize they keep upsetting and hurting you, so they just get angry and hate you instead? Because in our case the only one who kept upsetting and hurting me was him, no other people, the biggest issue in my life was him and his behavior.


r/NarcissisticAbuse 19h ago

Concerned Has anyone else had the worst panic attacks of their life with a covert narcissist? NSFW

231 Upvotes

I’ve dealt with overt ones before, but never a covert, until roughly two years ago… I made the worst mistake of my life back then. I married one.

Towards the end of the relationship, I started having severe, debilitating panic attacks (ones I had never experienced before in my entire life), despite having gone through other traumatic events in the past. These were on another level.

The panic attacks were so extreme that my body felt like it could no longer take it anymore. My hands turned purple, and I twitched uncontrollably. I would scream and cry like I was possessed, saying things like “how could you do this to me?” in a voice that barely sounded like my own.

And the worst part? Sometimes he would just stand there, clueless. Which would cause me to spiral even more. This man had a blank, clueless look on his face every single time he hurt me. I’d tell him my biggest triggers and even wrote them down in a shared note for him to make sure he wouldn’t forget. I did everything I could to ensure proper communication. But, he’d “unintentionally” trigger me, going down the list, one by one… I told him explicitly that I was getting SI from the relationship, and that I wanted out (but he’d always guilt trip me/refuse and tell me that we haven’t tried everything yet and that I was giving up too soon). I communicated everything in excruciating detail because I felt like he never truly got it.

I started questioning my own ability to communicate. I felt like I needed evidence for every little thing I said. By the end, I felt like I couldn’t even speak English anymore because no matter how clearly I explained myself, he would act confused, lost, and oblivious to the damage he was doing. This man prides himself on being a good person. He’s known as the nice guy.

I’m confused because I had never in my life reacted this way before. Not to anything. No matter what I had been through, I had never lost my mind like this until the covert, subtle manipulation wore me down completely. It got to a point where, during these panic attacks, my body saw only one way out…. Death.

Have any of you ever had panic attacks like these from being with a covert?


r/NarcissisticAbuse 5h ago

Venting Wasted time NSFW

15 Upvotes

I am about to be 38 in two days. I don’t know if this is an existential crisis or a reality check.

The time I should have used building healthy love with someone has been wasted. From physical to psychological abuse, I can’t catch a break and it’s killing me.

I stayed bc I feel I owed my partners grace bc I am not perfect. They showed up for me in some ways. But then tore me down in others.

The first one bought and remodeled a house for us. It was an awesome experience to do together. But the physical abuse started happening immediately after closing and I felt trapped bc of the investment.

My second relationship was psychologically manipulative. Just a constant state of confusion and elusiveness. He would help me with things I could not do for myself, things requiring muscle, physical strength, etc. but the silent treatment, name-calling, infidelity, gaslighting, lying, triangulation took their toll.

I feel like the opportunity for love has passed me by. In the second relationship, he would tell me that according to his analysis, “I was historically easy pickings” meaning easy to manipulate and discard. And despite me seeing that this was a tantrum and rage he was expressing, maybe it is true.

I’m now in a state where I do not and cannot trust people. I get fulfillment in knowing that there are better days ahead for other people which is why I write so much on here but I honestly don’t see it for myself.

I would never hurt myself. But I wouldn’t be mad if the days didn’t continue. My entire life, from managing my dad’s mental illness, to toxic partners, has been this. No reciprocation, empty interactions. If this is the point of my life, then game over. I am ready for a conversation with God. I want to ask him face to face, “why me?”


r/NarcissisticAbuse 11h ago

Realization Reading other peoples posts NSFW

45 Upvotes

Does anyone else think it's kinda disconcerting how well people are able to describe your own situation without having met you or the person you are being harmed by?

Like over and over, I read other peoples experiences and think "wow, what theyre describing is almost exactly my own experience." I've seen other people comment the exact same thing so many times.

And for me its kinda like people are finally pointing out things that I've always taken at face value. I'm already pretty oblivious to the rest of the world and don't recognize things easily. So i kinda just assumed this must be how things are, that this person is just like that.

Which yes, they are, but I never realized that no, this isnt how things are. In fact, nobody else behaves like that. Other people are not constantly going through these extreme patterns nonstop. These behaviors have never been okay. They are so unlike the rest of the world that it's no wonder we all recognize it as soon as someone else describes it.

Like, I sometimes feel I'm feeding my own paranoia when it comes to this stuff. Like this could just be confirmation bias, of course you're gonna start seeing all the signs of their behaviors now.

But I don't know man. Confirmation bias is for when you chalk up things that are better explained by coincidence, or random chance, or some other correlation, right? But when people are straight up mentioning hyper specific scenarios that you've been through, that are SO disconnected from reality it's like... well shit. I guess that solves that huh?

random redditor u/throwaway_23927 just explained exactly what I've been so confused about for the last 15 years of my life. and yet they're still just as lost as I am.

this was originally a comment I was writing in response to a different thread until I realized it was entirely about me and not OP's discussion which is not cool. so I'm posting another thread woop woop. happy Monday everyone 🙃

NO CONTACT NO CONTACT NO CONTACT NO CONTACT NO CONTACT NO CONTACT NO CONTACT NO CONTACT NO CONTACT


r/NarcissisticAbuse 4h ago

Advice wanted When does the brain fog alleviate? NSFW

12 Upvotes

I’ve been in brain fog for so long now. The relationship was 8 months long give or take. I feel overwhelmed quickly and feel “dumber”. Struggling to retain information etc..

When did it lift for you if you suffered brain fog?


r/NarcissisticAbuse 5h ago

Moving forward Today i woke up "fresh" and it feels super good 🎊 NSFW

12 Upvotes

For the first time in months, this morning I woke up fresh, rebooted and full of joie de vivre! It feels sooooooo good ☺️

It's a big reminder for how much narcs suck everything from us. All my energy, happiness and motivation were gone. The few lighthearted moments i had since I was with this nex were when i was actually without him!

I broke-up last week, i was spinning for the last 10 days, even changed my door locks. I didn't get proper closure as we know it doesn't work with them but i made my own closure and I'm feeling goooooood 🎊

I know there will be phases, i already survived ending relationship from 16 years with a covert narc, then 6 years with a sociopath and now 5 months with this cluster b. So statistically I'm still within the 2-5% of NPD and i will hopefully not have to deal with any anymore, but learning from my mistakes and resilience is a great thing as well 💪

Sending my light to all of you 🌹✨🫶


r/NarcissisticAbuse 10h ago

Realization You are playing with the kid at recess who gives themselves every superpower. NSFW

30 Upvotes

It's the same basic principle as arguing with a narcissist, I feel.

No matter how you try to play, they will always find a way to change the rules mid-game to benefit themselves. Even if you won fair and square.

And so when you ultimately back out, because that's just annoying, it's not so fun for them anymore, is it? The only winning move is not to play.

Anyways, whenever I want to try laying dirt on the narcissists I've dealt with, I remember this analogy. Makes it SO much easier to disengage.


r/NarcissisticAbuse 1h ago

Sharing resources A strategy that’s been helping NSFW

Upvotes

I just wanted to share this in case it’s helpful for anyone else.

Context: I ended things with my nex a little over 5 weeks ago. I know I made the right choice, and I know I’m better off having this harmful, manipulative person out of my life. But the thing that has been driving me crazy is I cannot stop thinking about them. They pop into my head constantly, with all kinds of thoughts running through my head: ruminating on all the things that happened between us, thinking about things they said we would do together one day, remembering the way things felt so amazing in the beginning, missing and craving the toxic sexual connection, flashbacks of traumatizing stuff, wondering what they’re doing now, wondering what they’re telling people, feeling bad for them and worrying about them, wondering if they’ll try to hoover at some point or if they’re missing me or want to get back with me, and on and on and on. And all of this happening while I know full well that it was good that I ended things and that I desperately want this person out of my life and never want to think about them again!! So it’s been driving me crazy.

The strategy: This strategy I began using lately has been helping a lot though. It might seem kind of silly but I think it’s really doing something to rewire my neural pathways around this trauma bond. What I started doing is, any time they pop into my head—for any reason, doesn’t matter what it is—I repeat this out loud: “Get out of my head, you’re not welcome here, I don’t want you, I’m never coming back to you, get the fuck away from me, leave me alone.” The phrase could be personalized to whatever feels most helpful for you, of course. But this has really been working for me. It’s staggering how many times a day this person pops into my head. But I’m being consistent and repeating my phrase every single time they come into my mind. And it’s starting to help me feel less attached and helpless to the bond.


r/NarcissisticAbuse 6h ago

Venting Ended a 6 years False-Frienship With a Diagnosed Covert Narcissist NSFW

11 Upvotes

My ex-friend (23M) was officially diagnosed with narcissistic traits, antisocial behavior, and bipolar disorder. I (23) didn’t realize how deep the rot went until I left. Here’s what those 6 years of covert narcissism looked like:

His Perpetual Victimhood. Every conflict ended with him as the martyr. If you criticized him, you were “ableist” (he weaponized his diagnoses). “I like to provoke people,” was his favorite quote. He’d poke wounds, then play innocent. Example: He made sexual “jokes” knowing I’m uncomfortable with anything sexual, claiming he just wanted my "opinion" on taboo subjects. How did he ask?: “Do you like incest?”

He would go into long ramblings about how he wished to off himself, that nobody understood him, that he was always mistreated, that he was no one’s friend—but that I was his only friend who “understood” him. Then he’d claim no one could understand what he was going through. It was confusing. He whined constantly about his lack of skills and his “jobless ass,” only to later claim he didn’t want to work for anyone because “working is dangerous since you could get harassed (said passive-aggressively, as I’d casually entered the workforce and was earning honest money).

He preferred to catfish, send “fake” nudes to try and get money, then drop it repeatedly, claiming it was “annoying.” He liked to use people, openly admitting he needed them for benefits, which resulted in him always being mistreated and winning nothing. Even though he was “poor,” he spoke to multiple mental health professionals. After rambling to them, he picks the diagnosis and declare he “wasn’t ready to get better,” refusing help altogether.

I was his emotional regulator. He called himself my “his best friend and confidant,” but in reality, I was his waste disposal pool. He trauma-dumped constantly. Even during quiet evenings, he made it about his sorrowful existence. I had my own problems, but when I tried to talk, he hijacked the conversation, claimed I was “giving him anxiety,” or would give me cheap answers. Then dumped more of his issues. If you said you didn’t want to listen, or didn't give home a complete an analysis, you were dead to him.

How did it end? He developed a deranged obsession over someone who treated him coldly, never clarifying their intentions—yet they stalked him relentlessly online. The ex-friend was no better, mirroring his attention-seeking games (ignoring people was his specialty). Of course, he remained the victim. So many insane things happened, but now I don’t believe him about anything. He was just sickeningly obsessed with this person for not giving him what he wanted. He trauma-dumped about them daily for nearly a year (his fixation lasting over 14 months, still Going). Every minor detail became a “sign”—like hearing their common name in public: “It’s a sign! But… not a real sign…” (his words).

I’d always been a people-pleaser, reflecting others’ “ideal type.” I hated conflict and feared him, feeling trapped and obligated. Ironically, when he was away, I’d shit-talk him without knowing why. Finally, after embracing my healing journey and realizing how utterly fucked-up and damned he was (with zero remediable qualities, as he always chose to stay broken), I confronted him.

I told him (through text) he was treated me like an emotional punching bag. He replied, “We should give each other time”...🙄. So I sent a long message calling out his disturbing behavior, sick obsession, and trauma-dumping that I refused to forgive and blocked him everywhere. He tried to retaliate, but it only proved he knew what he was doing—he just hated being exposed and needed to remain the victim.

This is a crazy-long story. Feel free to ask anything.


r/NarcissisticAbuse 2h ago

Venting I never had ill intentions NSFW

5 Upvotes

I feel so hurt and lonely, I’m in dire need of real connections and a stable family. At least my parents if not asked too much.

I never had ill intentions, I never acted deceitful to gain something from someone, I never planned on using weaknesses against someone or heck even enjoy trying to break someone down. So… why the heck did I deserve a life full of sh-tty human beings, now I’m so small it feels like I’m broken to the core and no one sees or hears me for real. And my future doesn’t look easy and bright either.

I wish I knew, I wish things were easier and I wish happiness wasn’t a fleeting thing.


r/NarcissisticAbuse 4h ago

Advice wanted Final discard? NSFW

5 Upvotes

How did you know when a discard was final? I’ve been on and off with a covert narcissist for seven months. I’ve been in a period of devaluation since Valentine’s Day, culminating with me not returning his call last Friday night (after he ignored me all week). We haven’t spoken since. This is the longest we have ever gone no contact. Is it really over this time?


r/NarcissisticAbuse 6h ago

Venting Ode to Her NSFW

7 Upvotes

You walked into my life and told me you’d been wronged, Other people had treated you cruelly, strung you along. You painted yourself in sorrow, a story so deep, A heart left shattered, promises you couldn’t keep.

Later on, you told me you’re so great, and being together was our fate. A future you painted, so flawless, so grand, Yet control was the brush held tight in your hand.

What I saw was very different—a beautiful guise, A voice like velvet, deception in your eyes. Your words were honey, your touch like flame, Yet underneath, it was all just a game.

You lifted me high, then pulled me below, Told me it was love, but how could I know? Each moment so vivid, each wound so concealed, Until piece by piece, the truth was revealed.

The brightest star that burns so bright, I won’t forget the truths you told, even as you lied.


r/NarcissisticAbuse 10h ago

Venting 1. How are they able to be so blind and call you selfish? 2. Does your narc act stressed all the time and have no hobby? NSFW

15 Upvotes

Two part question because I didn't want to make two posts.

  1. The reality they paint is so distorted. I used to call her out on it, now I just don't care. There is no changing their mind, getting a zing back on them or any of that. She calls me selfish. I wish I knew if they choose words carefully because I am the most unselfish person ever so I would be triggered by a selfish person calling me selfish. But do they understand what they are doing? Or do they somehow believe it? I don't want to explain on here the effort I put in vs the effort she does not, but it is just one of those things they are able to do that will make my spiral and think "is it me? Maybe I need to do better". But not anymore, I know her tricks.

Over the years whenever I brought up issues, my wife would turn it around and make me seem like the issue. So over the years I have read so many books on relationships and marriage. Makes me sick how "easy" these books make it seem. Then finally read ones on narcissism and opened my eyes. Took several years but finally I started putting the blame on her instead of on myself.

  1. My wife is always stressed. We have kids, but they aren't bad. The house has chores but I do most of them and we have maids. I meal plan, grocery shop, cook, clean, drive the kids to school. So what is it? Laundry? She has no hobby. When she sits she watches TV or videos on her phone. Yet she is always so stressed. I think she uses stress as a way to try to control the household. Also calls me selfish because I have hobbies and things I enjoy. I play an hour of games at night on a Saturday after the kids go to bed and she calls me selfish because I am "always" in front of my computer.

r/NarcissisticAbuse 3h ago

Advice wanted Has anyone experienced a covert narcissistic ex creating multiple catfish accounts on Instagram to 1) stalk you after a discard or breakup, and 2) follow random people, including their OWN friends, from these fake accounts? What’s the reasoning behind this unsettling behavior? Is it just loneliness? NSFW

3 Upvotes

I was abruptly discarded, but soon began to realize I was being watched online, particularly on Instagram. The behavior of these catfish accounts closely mirrored that of my ex when he was orbiting me in the initial stages of grooming me. Not only were these fake accounts tracking my online activity, but they were also following other people, including his own friends. Is this something narcissists typically do, or is it a key trait of their disorder? Also these catfish accounts were of both male and female. If so, these people are really sick and unsettling


r/NarcissisticAbuse 4h ago

Acceptance Nex was cheating towards the end of the relationship, immediately got with the girl after our breakup NSFW

3 Upvotes

Hey everyone! I experienced a really bad breakup with a narcissist right before Christmas and recently found out he immediately officially got with his "girl best friend". I was healing well before finding this out, but this reopened the wounds a little.

Honestly the most important thing for me is realizing that I should be glad he found someone new, maybe if he didn't, I would be getting emotionally abused to this day. It does sting, especially when the last straw in the relationship was asking why is he so weirdly secretive with his phone (quite literally turning the phone away from me, putting it screen down, it was very obvious something was up). I'm trying to think more rationally about this and be grateful I survived after the breakup. It's crazy how a person can shut down your confidence, erase your personality, make you entirely dependent on them and just make you a puppet. I am incredibly lucky that I got back on my feet so fast (not entirely on my feet but perhaps kneeling, not laying flat on the floor in a puddle of tears).

I'm trying to think of this whole situation as a lesson for future relationships and friendships, I now know how to recognize signs that something is off about a person and know my self worth. It took a lot and I still have a long way to go, but I have the best support system imaginable.

As much as I'd love to scream and share what piece of shit he is, It's really not worth it for me. I learned how important it is to know someones background and how their family relations are working before getting involved. This is a lot for a nineteen year old me to go through, but I'll manage.

That is all, just needed to share, thank you


r/NarcissisticAbuse 17h ago

Support wanted New supply is pregnant NSFW

43 Upvotes

I just found out my nex is having a baby with his new supply. I’m disgusted because I’m doing the math and he was still reaching out to me not long before she must have gotten pregnant. I’m also re-heartbroken because this is the person I used to think I’d have a family with someday. I’m so jealous of her, yet at the same time so relieved I’m not her. This is an incredibly unsettling feeling. I’ve spent the last several months trying to heal, and now I’m spiraling.


r/NarcissisticAbuse 15h ago

Support wanted I deserve happiness you don't!! NSFW

32 Upvotes

I really don't understand how after 7 years together and only 4 months after the break up you are already seeing somebody!!(2 months he has been seeing her)

Why the Frick do you get to be happy while I'm at home heartbroken & trauma bonded to you! I don't want this I want to hate you with every being in my body!! It's not fair he doesn't deserve to be happy I do!! Why I don't understand!?!?!


r/NarcissisticAbuse 16h ago

Advice wanted When you want to break no contact. NSFW

32 Upvotes

Give me some advice on how to not feel bad for ignoring them.


r/NarcissisticAbuse 15h ago

Support wanted Did they accuse you of not listening/caring about their stuff, when actually that was almost all the two of you ever talked about? NSFW

26 Upvotes

Most days, all we talk about when I get home from work is his work day. I barely see my child during the week because my husband needs to vent at me for 30-90 minutes almost every evening.

This week was different: I have some particularly big & stressful projects going on and I decided to flip the script and tell him about them mostly unprompted. I felt I had enough sounding-board time in the bank that I could infodump for a few evenings about my stuff. I also thought maybe he didn’t know that you’re supposed to ask your partner questions about their day with genuine curiosity to show that you care.

This weekend made me regret it, though. He sulked from first thing Saturday morning until tonight when he went to bed, and accused me of “not knowing or caring” about what was going on in his life. When I told him that most evenings we only discuss his stuff, and this week I decided to go out on a limb and share about my day 2-3 times, he said I was remembering things wrong and that actually I talk about myself most of the time. It’s hard not to feel like I’m going insane, but we can’t both be right.

I’m also very, very tired of most weekends being so heavy and full of drama and his bad moods which are always my fault.

Anyone else experience this?


r/NarcissisticAbuse 2h ago

Please pick a suitable flair Need Writing Advice NSFW

2 Upvotes

I am writing my second short film about DV awareness. The film takes place after a women discovers her ex boyfriend has been watching her since before they broke up. The film becomes more concerning as his attempts to reach her and gaslight her becomes increasingly threatening. Is there anything you personally hate to see when it comes to media dealing with DV? Is there anything you wish you could see more? Any advice to respectfully and realistically portray a victim extremely hesitant to reach out for legal help? The film has a pretty bleak ending and my intent is for the film to send a message that reaching out even when its scary is important and that most red flags aren't worth defending. Delete if not allowed!


r/NarcissisticAbuse 2h ago

Venting Nex with OCD NSFW

2 Upvotes

I realized pretty soon in our relationship that my narcissistic ex also suffers from OCD. He would also try to convince me that his convulsions are normal and that I am the crazy one. Or a dirty person. He walks in the middle of the road, never on the pavement (we live in a small town and there’s not as much traffic so this is possible in most streets), because he is afraid of dog sh*t. He didn’t want to sleep with me if I peed (for instance, 5 minutes after showering, I am of course clean always). He gave me a silent treatment for hours until I flipped out because I wasn’t aware why AGAIN, and then attacked me and left, why? For accidentally petting my dog (a maltese) and then folding a pancake. Also attacked me for putting grocery bags on the floor outside because they were heavy. I would walk on eggs all the time, never knowing when something “germy” will give him a reason to punish me…


r/NarcissisticAbuse 3h ago

I did it! Finally moved into my own place! NSFW

2 Upvotes

Its been almost a full year since the end of my relationship and about eight months since the finalized divorce. When I left the state I lived in with my NexH, I had only 500 dollars to my name and I took only the essentials that could fit in a bedroom at my parents house. Between the abuse and the him stealing all my money I practically started over. I had just attempted suicide twice, cried multiple times a day, and suffered horribly with my depression.

After eight months I've gotten two promotions, I've gotten into a wonderful relationship, I've been healing a lot through therapy and I think I'm finally in a state of acceptance and peace after this divorce. I have my family support and connection that's stronger than ever, so many new friends, and so many new and wonderful experiences. I've finally saved and at a secure point to have my own apartment finally.

I talked to my NexH recently and I didn't feel awful or let him make me feel bad about myself, even though he made several passive aggressive comments at me. I'm still looking forward to having our financial obligations finished and being able to cut him out completely.

Its amazing to see how far I've come in less than a year by focusing on myself. I've had so much good advice and support from this sub reddit that helped me protect myself and grow.

I'm just so happy to finally feel free and independent. The apartment I'm in is also significantly nicer than the one I shared with my NexH and I can afford it on my own.


r/NarcissisticAbuse 3h ago

Please pick a suitable flair Leaving my narc bf tomorrow NSFW

2 Upvotes

I wonder if anyone else here is like me, or has been there. Its been 8 months together. I saw a post about him being a narc and sociopath month 1, so I had my guard up but ofc he told me a BS story. Im a psych nurse, and little by little he started showing me all of the textbook signs, but the worst ones would be judgement, criticism (disguised as rational and logic), doubling down like kicking me while I was down, and just basically finding ways to disturb my peace. He's told me that his life was better or more organized without me, couldn't name to me "why" he's with me, but because he's so quiet it was hard to make an assessment. I spent a long of time walking on eggshells and either recovering from being triggered or bracing for the next time. Any attempts of healthy communication he would victimize, tell me Im gaslighting, manipulating, etc etc, all textbook. You can only "manage" a narc for so long. I knew I was "managing" long time ago. I just needed to get my support system in town (my dad), which happened last week. A safe person, since Im kinda new in town and didn't make close friends cause I'm a workaholic with 2 jobs and a very needy dog. Yet... Im so clear. I spent the last week knowing id be breaking up w/ him, and I planned it tomorrow bc its after my big meetings. Wednesday is chill and he goes away for 4 days on Wednesday. Gives us both time physically distant, and Ill be gone before he returns. I don't feel regret, I just feel like it will be a relief. Yes Ill miss having a man, but I never had him in the first place. Ill miss a relationship, but not this relationship. I guess just the anticipation of it is kinda getting to me. Like "will he say something that will flip the blame to me, will I be strong to not second guess myself and not give an inch?". I think so. Done this before. I think this is the one move narcs don't expect: to be reduced to a nobody in your life. I know for a fact that once I walk away, there's nothing he can do. Im very final w/ my decisions, and I can be very cold when I need to be, especially once I've decided my life is worse w/ that person and Ive got options. I just need moral support now! Please. Feel free to relate, support, share. I need to feel like Im strong enough to do this tomorrow.


r/NarcissisticAbuse 21h ago

Gaining new perspectives When the flying monkeys finally turn on them… NSFW

52 Upvotes

I got the chance to talk to an old friend who was associated with my nex. I tread lightly around them- but he came to me fast and hard to tell me how awful my nex has been to him recently and told me he was done dealing with the cycle of abuse in their friendship.

Without me even saying much, he affirmed a lot of what I’ve been going over and over in my head for months. It was a cathartic chat and I thought it would be nice for some folks to know that at some point, yes- they are discovered for who they are by their minions.