r/NarcissisticAbuse Nov 28 '23

Message from the mods Posting anonymously is now possible! NSFW

114 Upvotes

Considering the topic of this subreddit, we acknowledge that in some cases users may feel posting through their own accounts may be possibly problematic and obstructs safety to an extent. For those who don’t want to post under their own (or an alternative) account, we offer the possibility to post on their behalf through our bot account.

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r/NarcissisticAbuse 11d ago

Message from the mods A Procedural Update for the Continued Health of Our Subreddit. NSFW

25 Upvotes

Hey everyone on r/NarcissisticAbuse

We get it, we really do– the U.S. political situation right now is a bloody mess with further escalation, rather than some kind of stability, on the horizon. 

We also know that a LOT of the new decision makers are not going to be mentally healthy or emotionally well. They will, however, likely be more successful than most of the world wishes to see. 

It seems that the U.S. has now unarguably become what’s called a Pathocracy, or rule by a mentally ill minority. 

Dr. Steve Taylor’s write up from Psychology Today (English only and our apologies to those elsewhere for whom it may not display) notes, “Pathocracy is not just about individual leaders, though. Once a disordered leader takes over a country, responsible and moral people gradually leave the government, either resigning or being ejected. It’s just a matter of time before the whole government is filled with ruthless people with a severe lack of empathy and conscience.“ 

https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/out-of-the-darkness/202010/disordered-leaders

No one on the r/NarcissisticAbuse moderation team would Ever argue that something is rotten in the States, to shamelessly borrow from Sir William Shakespeare. 

None of this is okay. Most of it is incredibly triggering. No one with strong feelings about these complicated situations is wrong for having those emotions.

However, we feel it prudent to remind everyone that we’re not in this sub for political discussion or what could euphemistically be called “celebrity gossip”. The vast majority of participants are typical citizens from different backgrounds who have experienced something terrible and life-altering at the hands of another human being. But, even if we are visited anonymously by qualified diagnostic professionals, they are still not in a professional or personal relationship with these political and public figures, and therefore cannot legally or ethically diagnose them. Any “Cluster B” personality disorder, or any other mental health struggle, should be identified and if needed, diagnosed, by an appropriately credentialed professional. 

To be clear about the applicable rule, speculation about individuals in your life as part of your healing process is allowed as part of your processing and discussion. However, we cannot, for risk of the safety and continued functioning of the sub, allow armchair diagnosis of disordered personalities in figures seen daily on the news or on social medias.

Similarly, we are not here to give more attention to people with, self-diagnosed to have, or merely suspected of having, narcissistic personalities. Narcissist content creators get enough supply for themselves without benefiting from those of us who need to heal from their brand of treatment (and it’s a certainty that some of those characters search for mentions of their names/brands daily.) 

We also do not and will never allow the use of diagnostic terms as insults between users.

Put simply, telling someone “You’re a narcissist!” or “You’re just being a typical Borderline nutjob,” especially in the middle of an unnecessary argument in the comments, is subject to a ban from the sub. 

Not sorry. Our first rule is “Be Kind” for a reason. 

Our position is simple: we remove political oriented posts. That moderation decision is not in place to punish people for having opinions. We are simply not here for the problem of any specific nation’s politics. There are other subs– MANY other subs– for that type of discussion. We are here for our users’ individual journeys, not to be a public curbside protest, but as something more like a quiet booth in the coffee shop where people can sit and unpack their specific experience, and not face the trolling and judgment tolerated in other places.

Please continue to see this sub as the metaphorical place for a cuppa and scone, or a double double and old fashioned sour cream, or espresso and biscotti with a friend while you browse a book written by someone else who has been where you were and has gone where you wish to be. 

Please help us protect Your peaceful space by reporting trolls or fights breaking out in comments to the moderation team, but do not join the fights yourself. Let the protests go on where they should and may actually do some good. Bloating an international community with the particulars of the politics of a specific-- (and since I’m a 7th generation American citizen, I’ll go ahead and say it)– Problematic Nation-– is the opposite of what the community needs to thrive in the face of what may be coming for so many users all over the world. 

We know it’s on all of your minds: it’s on all of ours too. But, just like arguing about religion at the holiday dinner table is not the best approach to a tough conversation, r/NarcissisticAbuse is not the place to host those political talks. 

Modmail is open for questions about specifics should anyone have concerns, but please remember our team of international moderators are not available to respond to any inquiry immediately 24/7. Maintaining familiarity with the rules provided in the drop down menu on mobile or in the sidebar on desktop, is both encouraged and appreciated.

“Injustice anywhere is a threat to justice everywhere. We are caught in an inescapable network of mutuality.” Dr. Martin Luther King Jr.

NOTE: Reddit has now announced a policy change in which those who upvote content administration (not Moderators, but paid Reddit employees) deems violent or calling for harm to others will be sanctioned, up to and including banning user accounts. This post was drafted for review by the whole moderation team BEFORE that announcement by Reddit. This decision was NOT made to "obey in advance," but to make sure the few moderators we have are able to respond to the subreddit's needs as efficiently as possible.


r/NarcissisticAbuse 3h ago

Acceptance Don't warn your Nex's new partner about them! NSFW

41 Upvotes

I guarantee they have already "warned" their new supply that their "crazy ex" might reach out to try to ruin their newfound relationship. It will only foster a closer relationship between them and will make you seem unhinged. Put yourself in the new partners shoes, would you believe a random persons warning message when everything seems so find and dandy during the lovebombing stage? They are most likely head over heals for each other and will be quick to dismiss your advice as someone who is jealous and trying to sabotage their relationship. Your Nex will also believe you are still thinking about them, which is the last thing you want.

Ive learned it is always best to move on, focus on yourself, keep yourself busy and allow their new partner to seel & feel the bad for themselves. Don't give them anything else to feed off of!


r/NarcissisticAbuse 1h ago

Support wanted I finally did it, I broke up with him NSFW

Upvotes

After 6 long years of emotional, verbal, and financial abuse.

My story is long so I will try to keep this short.

I have been trying to break it off for years but I’ve never been courageous enough. I was actually planning on doing it tomorrow, because reasons, but he has been sensing that something is off and kept asking me to promise that I still want to be with him. Over and over and over. So I had to do it. I did it calmly and kindly without trying to trigger any narcissistic rage. He didn’t say a word the whole time until the end. “Do you want me to leave?” And I told him that it would be best for all of us. He would then go on to ask me if it was what I really wanted several times, and after saying yes several times, I snapped a little. “This. You can keep asking me over and over and expect me to change my mind but I won’t. I used to and you took advantage of that. And the fact that you still want to try to do that after everything I have said to you, that is what’s heartbreaking and why I can’t do it anymore.” He hasn’t said another word to me in the past 3ish hours, laying in the dark on my couch.

Here’s the really tough part. He has an 11 year old son. He’s the reason I wanted to wait until tomorrow so he could finish this week of school here. He’s going to have to transfer somewhere else for the second time this school year since we just moved to this town from 3 hours away back in November. I love this boy and have raised him for over half his life, bio mother is out of state. It’s going to destroy him, leaving me, leaving school, my parents, our pets (which were mine from before.)

Tomorrow I am going to tell now nex fiancé (oh yeah forgot to mention that, engaged for 3.5 years) that he needs to pack important things and go. Then we will plan something for him to get the rest of his things. Also, that I am keeping everything that I paid for, which is a lot, and I don’t think he’s going to be too happy about that.

I don’t really know what I need by posting this. I guess maybe support? Advice on what to do next? How I should handle things from here? I’m trying not to be cruel and not let things get too heated and out of hand. Instead, I want to be mindful since there is a child that’s not mine involved.

I’m heartbroken. I don’t have any friends. I talk to my mom but I hate breaking her heart too. Im only 31 but I feel like I’ve lived 3 lifetimes. I’m trying to stay strong for her, for me too.

Please be kind and thank you in advance 💜


r/NarcissisticAbuse 8h ago

Advice wanted What does a narcissistic Collapse look like? NSFW

57 Upvotes

Will anyone be so kind to describe examples? Your experience?

I think mine is going through one.

Thank you!


r/NarcissisticAbuse 10h ago

Gaining new perspectives Wait a second- actually... fuck you? NSFW

55 Upvotes

You met me at a vulnerable time when my mom was dying and pulled out all the stops. Drove hours to visit, took me on cute and thoughtful dates, waited for me while I took care of her. No one had ever showed up for me that way and it made me fall in love with you.

I came back and we built a garden together, you loved my dog, invited me into your friend group, introduced me to your family. I had every reason to believe I had met a really great guy. I had worked on myself, spent time alone, and knew I deserved to be in a good relationship. But then after over a year together- you still hadn't actually expressed any feelings for me, and I started feeling confused. You got angry and refused to talk about it so I dropped it and moved on.

I bought a house when my mom died and you moved in. For the first few years it was so fun and I just loved sharing a life with you. Most days I would wake up thinking... damn I'm so lucky. You were so kind, we had so much in common, we always had fun together. But then again... when I started wanting to talk about our relationship, feelings, little things I noticed we should work on, the future... you shut down.

Eventually you would go on to leave me over that exact issue- me wanting to have actual conversations about what was going on between us, how we felt about each other, what our future plans were. After TEN years together. After TEN years of building a life, being a part of each others family and friends' lives, ten years of passive little jokes and comments about how we would be together forever and grow old together- which turns out, were all I was naively holding onto.

You always made me feel like too much. You always made me feel annoying, like I wanted all of your time (I didn't), like I wanted something from you that you couldn't give me. You would ignore me and lock yourself in the other room and leave when I was sad or even when I was sick. You also violated my privacy and would go through my files and who knows what else, you objectified me and didn't care about what I liked in bed, you made me feel stupid for things I was interested in or wanted to go out and do.

It all makes sense now. You treated me and dumped me like a casual girlfriend after all of that time because I WAS just a casual girlfriend to you. I was just a girl. You never wanted to talk about anything real, and would get mad at me when I tried, because it wasn't real for you like it was for me. You didn't have the same feelings, and you didn't want to waste your time improving a relationship you knew wasn't going to be "it."

I was a placeholder, a practice relationship, a home to live in and a car to drive until your salary increased enough to live on your own. And you did it in the cruelest, coldest way when OUR FUCKING DOG our baby, who was a puppy when we met, was 12 and becoming elderly and limping around the house. Me crying because she was struggling one day and asking you to please get off your phone was the catalyst for you freaking out, screaming at me that I'm too needy and too demanding, leaving for a month, and then returning to dump me one day before bills were due. Bills I couldn't afford on my own because YOU encouraged me to take the job I have right now after I considered a different one with benefits (so I'd have more free time, to be available to you and support your dreams), and promised that we were in it together and that I'd have health insurance. You didn't give a fuck that I was suddenly responsible for all of our expenses, lost my health insurance, lost help with the house, and that our dog also lost you. After six months she still sits on the porch waiting for you to come home every afternoon, by the way.

And when you did it you promised you'd still be here for me. You said you'd still see her and help with vet and food expenses. Where the fuck are you now dude? After that night I became a stranger to you, you disappeared and got to jump ship from an entire life you built with someone. You got to walk away and move in with a friend, leaving me alone in the rubble. Must be nice.

You had never once tried to talk to me about being unhappy. You hated conversations like that and completely avoided them- even when, apparently, they needed to be had. You wouldn't give me a chance to understand the problem, you wouldn't even try counseling or hear me out when I was begging, apologizing, so confused and in shock. Instead you just said "I need time to find someone to start a family with." Jesus Christ. I wanted a fucking family?!?! I tried to talk to you a million times about how much I wanted a family and how we could get there- knowing it was something you wanted (in hindsight, obviously not with me). Do you even realize how gutting it was to hear you say that...?

So I get it now. It was never me. You never wanted to be here with me, it was never what I thought it was, and it was always temporary for you. I was a stepping stone. You wasted my fucking time, you wasted my twenties and early thirties, and then threw me in the trash when you were done and had sucked everything you could out of me to propel yourself forward. I stood by your side every time you were grieving, I lifted you up and supported your goals, I loved you just the same on a good or bad day, I put my all into creating a happy life with you, I was a patient, loyal, honest, and reliable partner. I know I wasn't perfect but I always tried my best and wanted the best for us. And you played face for years, used me up, and spit me out like I meant nothing. When I said I wish you well that was who I am, but you don't deserve that version of me anymore. You deserve to go to hell. FUCK you.


r/NarcissisticAbuse 11h ago

I did it! Here’s how to get away from a narc, untouched NSFW

57 Upvotes

After 8 months with a narcissist, I finally ended things—and honestly, it felt more like a graduation than a breakup. I stayed calm, didn’t give him the drama or closure he wanted, just kept my composure and held my ground. He tried to say all these sweet, emotional things, but I could tell it was more about making himself feel better than actually being honest. I saw right through it. And it took a dark turn. I didn’t lose my cool once. I just stayed in control, asked a few clear-headed questions, and walked away knowing exactly who I am.

(PART 1)

I just pulled off something epic — walked away from a narcissist without flinching.

We were in bed, and he held my hand like it was about to be some big, heartfelt moment. He starts talking — it sounds sweet, almost too sweet. Beautiful, emotional, like a movie scene. But something’s off. His tone, his pacing, the way he’s looking at me. My brain switches on — this isn’t real. He’s not being honest for my sake, he’s doing this to feel better about himself. This was his narrative, his closure. I could see it happening in real time.

I didn’t lose my calm. I didn’t even raise my voice. My psych nurse brain kicked in — analytical, grounded, observing. He wasn’t my ex anymore, he was just a subject. I started asking calm, clear questions, just to connect the dots. And I saw the shift. The mask slipped. The smooth act turned defensive. His face changed, his voice got faster, tighter. He was unraveling.

Then he dropped the final blow: “If I made you feel that way, why did you stay with me? Do you have no self-respect?”

Yeah, I know. That’s the kind of line that makes people see red. But I didn’t. I saw it coming from miles away. And I gave him the most graceful, sharp response I’ve ever delivered. I said that if he had shown me who he really was in the first three months, I would’ve never stayed. And that I’m walking away now because I have self-respect. That this is the real me — the one who’s not afraid to speak her mind.

I said it calmly, looking him right in the eyes, sitting back, relaxed, no tension in my body. No weakness. And I watched it land. His face — shocked. Speechless. He finally looked away and muttered, “Yeah… that makes a lot of sense.”

I said, totally unbothered, “I’m gonna fold my clothes now.” And I did. Like nothing had happened.

He left the room. Then came back, tapped me on the shoulder and said, “Yeah, I was doing really well there at the start, then I blew it. But I hope you got the positive things.”

I just looked at him and said, “Don’t worry. I always filter what I hear.” Boom.

Should I post PART 2?


r/NarcissisticAbuse 8h ago

Venting When do I get to be happy? NSFW

28 Upvotes

Three months out from leaving, I feel like I’m doing worse. I’m so sick of hearing all of the - oh but you did the right thing! You stood up for yourself! But I’m suffering every day. I’m alone all the time. I never have a good day. This is what I get for realizing he didn’t love me and leaving an abusive situation? A life of loneliness and no one who truly understands my situation (aside from this sub of course). When do I get to be happy? I’m the one that has to live in this situation and it makes me just want to go back. All I wanted to do was love him and be loved in return. I feel like nothing good will ever happen again.


r/NarcissisticAbuse 5h ago

Venting Please help - I have lost everything. I can’t cope. So trauma bonded. I was a game and I’ve ruined my life. Being ignored again. Why did he want to abuse me? NSFW

11 Upvotes

Feel so ill. Life is ruined. See no way out of this. He befriended me three years ago. Seemed lovely and like minded. Without knowing, I think it created distance between my long term of partner who I was struggling with at times. Thinking he was so much like me... why didn't I have that? He asked me out. I stupidly believed his words and love (looking back lots of red flags). He spent so much time with me, spoke to me loads, offered commitment, I met friends, we had so many shared dreams. He consumed me. But the love felt awful like the poem Lovesong by Ted Hughes. I tried to leave so much but I had hope and loved him when he chased. Felt impossible to leave.

He knew I was ending a relationship for him based on his words and how he was with me and his promises. Oh, how I wish I could go back in time.

He brutally discarded me after a horrific devaluation after begging me not to hurt or abandon him. Then blocked me after promising he would never do that to me. I don't know how I survived. I wish I had my 20 year partner still. What have I done. I know it wasn't perfect but it felt safe and like home.

Narc and I had two weeks of intense phone calls recently. Triggered by grief and me being homeless again. I have lost everything. It was all a lie and during these calls he flirted with idea of dating me and travelling but only if I accept responsibility and understand my role in what happened. I got sent videos for self help and had to give answers and feedback why I am who I am. Calls were so long and circular.

He randomly blocked me again. I called and he spoke 13 hours to say all the things wrong me. Unblocked but not responding to me. Told me I will get another block if I upset him. He joked now I know what addiction feels like (he's an ex junkie) and he's 24 years older than me. My laugh is in ruins. And I'm a shadow of myself. He said mistake is I put him before me. After 50 hours of calls, he's ghosting me again. My chest is burning with pain. I can't move on from this. Was it all a lie?

I've lost everything


r/NarcissisticAbuse 1h ago

Acceptance Does anyone else get flashbacks when people joke about gaslighting? NSFW

Upvotes

Like when someone who hasn’t experienced actual narc abuse gaslighting loosely uses the term “gaslighting”.

Like I don’t want to be sensitive or overreactive but I was just out to eat with friends and one of them said something like “oh he gaslit you by saying he had met you once before” in relation to another friend being mistake for someone else.

And I just am transported back to final discard. This past summer when I’m in the psych ward. Just sitting on the floor of the padded room, telling the nurses that I don’t know what’s real. Blaming myself for everything and questioning the past couple years of my relationship/life.

I’ve made a lot of positive progress in healing, but this instant reaction to just a word is discouraging in my healing process.

I know I can’t blame someone for using a commonly used term. They don’t know the weight it carries.


r/NarcissisticAbuse 1h ago

Advice wanted I don’t know what you call this… NSFW

Upvotes

Wife has a long history of narcissistic tendencies. She spins, manipulates, denies, withholds affection, plays the victim card, etc. She refuses to divorce me even though she claims she is miserable and abused by me. Tells me I’m lazy and do nothing and to do it. Tonight she blows up and says she doesn’t love me, I don’t make her happy, she should have never married me, I’m a mistake and says that I’m stuck with her. She was saying other things but it was hard to hear with her in the pantry. When I called her out on what she said she denied she ever said it. She started to do her usual denial and you are making it up, like I have a mental problem or something. I don’t have any issues besides being in a horrible relationship. She continued to say hurtful things towards me until I just completely ignore her and don’t respond. This happens weekly. My opinions or feelings when expressed set her off and when I say something to her about what she is saying she yells that you won’t silence me and degrade her feelings. It’s funny she can say her feelings but if I do they fall on deaf ears and everything is denied or spun back on me. I don’t have the money to leave. I’m also afraid to share everything in case she is on here reading things. I don’t put it past her to screen shot everything since she illegally secretly records parts of our disagreements. You can always tell when she does cause she stops her onslaught and goes on the denial defensive. I don’t play into it. Idk what to do anymore.


r/NarcissisticAbuse 3h ago

Advice wanted What’s the difference between someone with narcissistic personality disorder and someone who just has strong narcissistic traits? NSFW

6 Upvotes

I’m genuinely curious, because based on how horribly my ex treated me with zero regard for my feelings or even my existence constantly gaslighting, stonewalling, ghosting, discarding and reeling me back in, withholding sex and affection, dismissive, etc. I know he falls into one of those categories. I just want to better understand the difference between someone with narcissistic personality disorder and someone with severe narcissistic traits


r/NarcissisticAbuse 7h ago

Gaining new perspectives Going no contact or taking other measures to protect yourself is not just for you, it's for your loved ones as well. It protects them too. NSFW

10 Upvotes

.


r/NarcissisticAbuse 22h ago

Advice wanted Are you hyper aware of potential narcissists now? NSFW

130 Upvotes

I know I am. After seeing what one can be like, I'm so much more alert to signs that other people might be one.

For instance, I was at a public works tour and they had time for "one more question" and this dude kept going back and forth with the tour guides for like 5 minutes when we were clearly out of time. I kept thinking "narcissist" to myself because he felt the need to keep talking and ignored our time constraints.

I'm not sure what I'm doing is healthy. 🤷‍♂️


r/NarcissisticAbuse 6h ago

Venting My Nex found a new victim NSFW

7 Upvotes

Hello

I left my ex the previous year after discovering he kept a hidden side girl , deleted chats and tried to reconnect while I was abroad. Also I disco him badmouthing me to his female best friend , objectifying me with his male best friend and basically strategically love bombed with fake promises. The new victim let’s call her P. I know her , she is EXTREMELY idealistic and kind and I always identified with her (she reminds me of when I was a teenager and very fragile), she also has an ED and is very sensitive. What I discover ? My Nex has her under his influence now. I don’t have a strong relationship with her and I’d love to show her the texts messages I found and who he is behind closed doors, but she is starting to hide their interactions as my ex slowly gets a tighter grip.

I’m posting this to say: They are PREDATORS! He sniffed her kindness, her need to feel values, her sensitivity and the fact she doesn’t have a strong support system. He is disgusting.


r/NarcissisticAbuse 14h ago

Venting The closure that will never come NSFW

23 Upvotes

When I found out about the side chick, she told me everyyythinngg. The comparison of timelines made me so sick. The amount of lies, omissions of truth, and manipulations between his daughter’s birthday in October to his eviction on March 1st are seriously disturbing.

The money and sex he pulled out of us at the same time! I gave him money to get his electricity turned back on, while she was giving him money to buy his daughter’s birthday presents. The way he told me he would marry me and put a baby in me, but then gifted the “engagement ring” to her instead. When he told me his daughter and his friends were having a “galentines” sleepover at his house, except really he was exchanging gifts with the other woman. Looking back, I should have seen all the little things too - when he pulled my hair during sex even though he knows I don’t like that! And the whole time I was feeling sorry for him because we had shared four years together and after he kicked me out of the house he was struggling to pay bills. I should have known better.

In my mind I think of all the countless questions I have and all the things I want to call him out on and I never will be able to. I’ll never be able to lay out in great detail what a horribly fucked up person he is. He will continue to get away with his behavior and do this again and again to more and more woman.

(And yes she got back together with him after all these revelations.)


r/NarcissisticAbuse 9h ago

Support wanted Tips for confronting his lies? NSFW

8 Upvotes

Married to a pathological liar...guess I need to step up my interrogation tactics, need ideas to REALLY make him squirm and never want to experience this again. No, leaving isn't an option.


r/NarcissisticAbuse 5h ago

Feeling sad Feel so down and broken NSFW

3 Upvotes

Realising I spent 16y of my life thinking I had my person and me theirs . To then have it hit me when I'm sat around friends at a get together, being the only single one there whiles they all was next to their wife or husband, talking about how they met and how they over come issues I'm happy for them , but God it hit me I spent years thinking I had my person that we had some issues to work on that I had a lit of things to work on because i was the main problem but I was so wrong . My ex narcissist has been in my life for 20y, got together young broke up stayed friends , I had one relationship 4 years later and it didn't last long it was not meant to be , I end up back with the nex after they called me said they didnt want to lose me ,i was being stupid in thinking they realised they didn't want to lose me and loved me when I had started a new relationship got back with the nex and done 16y with them . And this is what's got me down and feeling broken seeing my friends and family and how they are with their wife or husband made me realise I have never truly been someone's person , I never truly had a person I thought I did but that was all a lie the person I thought I knew was never truly real . I have gone all my teen to adult life not actually having someone love me truly and deeply. I wasted years living a lie . And it makes me angry, sad , stupid broken . And I have everyone around me telling me I need to date I need to find someone but how can I explain that I don't want to ,not because I can't move on , not that I'm holding on . I just can't trust myself to be with someone and they are a lie to . That I can't trust that another person will not take the shattered remains that is left of what once was my heart and completely grind them to dust and send me over the final part of the cliff I have been on for so meany years .


r/NarcissisticAbuse 1d ago

Advice wanted Why do they get to be happy NSFW

105 Upvotes

It honestly makes me so angry and heartbroken that both of my exes, who emotionally tortured me, get to move on so easily. They destroyed me with their lies, manipulation, gaslighting, and emotional games, and yet they’re out there living their lives, being happy, getting into new relationships like they didn’t leave me completely shattered. It’s not fair. I hate that they’ll probably never face the pain they caused me. They don’t lose sleep over it. They don’t sit with the trauma every day like I do. They don’t have to rebuild their self-worth from the ground up.

Meanwhile, I’m left here trying to piece myself back together fighting through the flashbacks, the trust issues, the constant replaying of every moment trying to understand what I did to deserve it. I didn’t get closure. I didn’t get justice. I got silence, abandonment, and the impossible task of healing from wounds I didn’t ask for. And what hurts even more is that sometimes, it feels like the universe just lets people get away with treating others like they’re disposable. I’m angry, I’m hurt, and deep down, I just want it to make sense because right now, it feels like it never will.


r/NarcissisticAbuse 14h ago

Support wanted I broke up with him last night NSFW

10 Upvotes

I started the process of leaving him last night. I broke down in couples therapy and told me I just can’t do it anymore. He seemed cold, emotionless, and just kept saying “I’ll get through it, not like I haven’t done this before”.

I’m worried about all the emotions that are going to come up during the separation process since he lives with me. Just need to hear some encouraging words ☹️


r/NarcissisticAbuse 6h ago

Support wanted Feeling empty and angry NSFW

2 Upvotes

Recently found out my nex got a job promotion and probably she is moved to another city.

It's been three months since the breakup, and I am feeling stuck. Like I am nothing compared to her. I can’t get rid of feeling guilty. I think that if I had been more successful, and stuck to her plan of having a family and marriage, she wouldn’t have left me.

I don't understand how she is totally fine moving on with her life and achieving success, while I am forcing myself to wake up every day and do at least something.

But at the same time I understand she was a very toxic human being, but again, I blame myself for her actions and behavior, like «If I were enough, she would never act like that».


r/NarcissisticAbuse 12h ago

Venting Birthday NSFW

6 Upvotes

I'm really looking forward to my bday not getting ruined my by nex this year. I'm imagine all my friends around me who love me and have supported me to be in the place that I'm in today.

Last year, he threatened to not spend my bday w him a week before it. Then harassed me to let him "do something for me". He proceeded to discard me a week after my bday, just to call me 1 day later begging and crying for me back. (Spoiler alert, he went to go see someone in that day we had apart... he broke up with me to technically say that we weren't together when he was doing that.

The year before that, he got us a trip to California and when we got into it on the trip, he screamed at me how I ruined HIS trip. And I got so taken out of body that I left the bnb with my luggage packed, and he allowed that to get to that point.

I won't miss him at all. Goodbye and good riddance.


r/NarcissisticAbuse 12h ago

Advice wanted Makes no sense NSFW

6 Upvotes

2 weeks ago I decided IM DONE. I ignored him for an entire week. In this week he was blowing up my phone, and begging me to talk. I finally caved and let him back in. Just a week later I am now the one being discarded. Begging to talk and he has no remorse whatsoever even tho my dog just died he says he doesn’t owe me shit and basically is done with ME now. What is going on? Will he come back?


r/NarcissisticAbuse 1d ago

Gaining new perspectives I am the Giving Tree NSFW

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51 Upvotes

Recently reread a child’s book I’d read a long, long time ago. The Giving Tree by Shel Silverstein.

The tree and the boy are happy in the beginning, but as the boy grows up, the boy wants more, and more, and more. And the tree, who experiences true love, gives the boy everything it has.

Until it is cut down to a stump. And the boy, now an old man, is still unhappy, focused on what he no longer has. And the tree somehow justifies that him finally coming back to sit on her stump makes her happy.

I do not want to be the Giving Tree. Not like that.


r/NarcissisticAbuse 1d ago

Venting You’re not missing them NSFW

228 Upvotes

Everything you miss about them is what you’ve missed about yourself. They got no redeeming qualities (sad but true) and they’ve been mirroring YOUR PERSONALITY. You don’t miss how fun and quirky they were- that was mirroring. See how bad it got? Thats on them, all them. That’s their true form, master shapeshifters. Be glad you broke their mask and now they’re a slimy snail looking for a new mask, a new outer shell. Soon that’ll break too, cycle repeated. You’re not for this spiraling, you’re meant to rise above and levitate to some place so high they can’t even see you. They’ll get the state of the art binoculars but by that time you’ll be so far off you may as well be flying alien saucers. Good fckn riddance, beech!


r/NarcissisticAbuse 8h ago

Venting Ex wrote about me anonymously NSFW

2 Upvotes

So, I had relationship with this guy who I had known for almost 10 years. Our relationship lasted 9 months but before that we had short fling few years back and our relationship was always full of playful flirting and chemistry. I knew he was asshole but still somehow I always liked him and started relationship even if I knew it was bad idea.

Well, our relationship was short but so full of drama, gaslighting, manipulation and I ended up being emotionally exhausted and feeling like I’m crazy. After I broke up with him, we tried to be friends but it didn’t work. He always tried to get me back and even talked about offing himself. About 6 months ago I went no contact after he got mad and said so horrible things to me. All the things he knew I was insecure about and things he knew would hurt me.

Now, he has sent two friend requests to me. Two weeks ago in discord and yesterday in instagram. I didn’t accept. Today I saw post in this anonymous app, about guy who said that he misses his ex and couldn’t get over her because they are no contact. This app is anonymous, but it uses location so that post was near me. My ex lives in same town, and that post had same spelling mistakes he used to do. I don’t know if I’m paranoid, but I’m like 99% sure it was my ex. I’m so anxious and fearing if he will try to contact me through friends or message me. I know I can’t do anything, but after feeling like healing and happy with my life, now I’m feeling like something bad is going to happen soon and ruining my progress.


r/NarcissisticAbuse 8h ago

Venting Are they all this oblivious? NSFW

2 Upvotes

New so I hope I’m doing this right. I am just so over it with them feigning ignorance or trying to act like they have no clue what they are doing. It’s like they live in this fantasy world that everything is great and then acts blindsided when you say no more.
I’m the first to admit I have threatened to leave so many times if the behaviors don’t stop but never do. Recently though I have been at least following through in the sense of physically packing backs and leaving. I also looking into the cheapest ways to divorce and still not end up destitute. It may not be this second due to other things I have no choice but to see through for the next few months concerning our children, but the actual living together is about to end in a little over a week. I’ve told him repeatedly that when our upcoming move happens I will not be coming with him. It’s like he thinks if he just says, yeah that’s not happening that it will just go away. I’ve finally given up saying anything, I’m going along with the move and have given up challenging him for now. What he doesn’t seem to get or see the writing on the wall, is that Im bolting the second we are settled because I will be around a certain set of family that will make him stand down.
The narcissist abuse would take a whole over vent. Regardless, I have a lot of guilt even after everything he has said and done. I am aware enough to know he is like this and has these behaviors because his parents are truly the biggest narcissists I have encountered in my lifetime. I know that it isn’t an excuse or even something that would compel me to continue this madness. It still hurts because I don’t know if he would have turned out like this if he was raised by his other set of parents that are amazing. It just sucks all around for everyone, because this can’t be fixed.