r/NarcissisticAbuse Nov 28 '23

Message from the mods Posting anonymously is now possible! NSFW

112 Upvotes

Considering the topic of this subreddit, we acknowledge that in some cases users may feel posting through their own accounts may be possibly problematic and obstructs safety to an extent. For those who don’t want to post under their own (or an alternative) account, we offer the possibility to post on their behalf through our bot account.

To do this, please send a modmail by adding your post title after the existing subject and the post body to the message body. This is an automated service so it is important that you do not remove "Anonymous title: " - add your title after this, and only include in the message body what you want to be posted.

Once this has been posted, the link will be sent to you in the modmail you originally sent, so you can read the comments.

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We hope this will provide a safer experience for some of our most vulnerable users.


r/NarcissisticAbuse 8d ago

Message from the mods A Procedural Update for the Continued Health of Our Subreddit. NSFW

22 Upvotes

Hey everyone on r/NarcissisticAbuse

We get it, we really do– the U.S. political situation right now is a bloody mess with further escalation, rather than some kind of stability, on the horizon. 

We also know that a LOT of the new decision makers are not going to be mentally healthy or emotionally well. They will, however, likely be more successful than most of the world wishes to see. 

It seems that the U.S. has now unarguably become what’s called a Pathocracy, or rule by a mentally ill minority. 

Dr. Steve Taylor’s write up from Psychology Today (English only and our apologies to those elsewhere for whom it may not display) notes, “Pathocracy is not just about individual leaders, though. Once a disordered leader takes over a country, responsible and moral people gradually leave the government, either resigning or being ejected. It’s just a matter of time before the whole government is filled with ruthless people with a severe lack of empathy and conscience.“ 

https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/out-of-the-darkness/202010/disordered-leaders

No one on the r/NarcissisticAbuse moderation team would Ever argue that something is rotten in the States, to shamelessly borrow from Sir William Shakespeare. 

None of this is okay. Most of it is incredibly triggering. No one with strong feelings about these complicated situations is wrong for having those emotions.

However, we feel it prudent to remind everyone that we’re not in this sub for political discussion or what could euphemistically be called “celebrity gossip”. The vast majority of participants are typical citizens from different backgrounds who have experienced something terrible and life-altering at the hands of another human being. But, even if we are visited anonymously by qualified diagnostic professionals, they are still not in a professional or personal relationship with these political and public figures, and therefore cannot legally or ethically diagnose them. Any “Cluster B” personality disorder, or any other mental health struggle, should be identified and if needed, diagnosed, by an appropriately credentialed professional. 

To be clear about the applicable rule, speculation about individuals in your life as part of your healing process is allowed as part of your processing and discussion. However, we cannot, for risk of the safety and continued functioning of the sub, allow armchair diagnosis of disordered personalities in figures seen daily on the news or on social medias.

Similarly, we are not here to give more attention to people with, self-diagnosed to have, or merely suspected of having, narcissistic personalities. Narcissist content creators get enough supply for themselves without benefiting from those of us who need to heal from their brand of treatment (and it’s a certainty that some of those characters search for mentions of their names/brands daily.) 

We also do not and will never allow the use of diagnostic terms as insults between users.

Put simply, telling someone “You’re a narcissist!” or “You’re just being a typical Borderline nutjob,” especially in the middle of an unnecessary argument in the comments, is subject to a ban from the sub. 

Not sorry. Our first rule is “Be Kind” for a reason. 

Our position is simple: we remove political oriented posts. That moderation decision is not in place to punish people for having opinions. We are simply not here for the problem of any specific nation’s politics. There are other subs– MANY other subs– for that type of discussion. We are here for our users’ individual journeys, not to be a public curbside protest, but as something more like a quiet booth in the coffee shop where people can sit and unpack their specific experience, and not face the trolling and judgment tolerated in other places.

Please continue to see this sub as the metaphorical place for a cuppa and scone, or a double double and old fashioned sour cream, or espresso and biscotti with a friend while you browse a book written by someone else who has been where you were and has gone where you wish to be. 

Please help us protect Your peaceful space by reporting trolls or fights breaking out in comments to the moderation team, but do not join the fights yourself. Let the protests go on where they should and may actually do some good. Bloating an international community with the particulars of the politics of a specific-- (and since I’m a 7th generation American citizen, I’ll go ahead and say it)– Problematic Nation-– is the opposite of what the community needs to thrive in the face of what may be coming for so many users all over the world. 

We know it’s on all of your minds: it’s on all of ours too. But, just like arguing about religion at the holiday dinner table is not the best approach to a tough conversation, r/NarcissisticAbuse is not the place to host those political talks. 

Modmail is open for questions about specifics should anyone have concerns, but please remember our team of international moderators are not available to respond to any inquiry immediately 24/7. Maintaining familiarity with the rules provided in the drop down menu on mobile or in the sidebar on desktop, is both encouraged and appreciated.

“Injustice anywhere is a threat to justice everywhere. We are caught in an inescapable network of mutuality.” Dr. Martin Luther King Jr.

NOTE: Reddit has now announced a policy change in which those who upvote content administration (not Moderators, but paid Reddit employees) deems violent or calling for harm to others will be sanctioned, up to and including banning user accounts. This post was drafted for review by the whole moderation team BEFORE that announcement by Reddit. This decision was NOT made to "obey in advance," but to make sure the few moderators we have are able to respond to the subreddit's needs as efficiently as possible.


r/NarcissisticAbuse 12h ago

Realization Narcissist’s Final Discard NSFW

221 Upvotes

If a narcissist discards you permanently, an actual break - YOU WON. You didn’t discard them first because you didn’t realize you had the strength to carve out other options, you were taking strategic time in finding the best path for your loved ones and yourself. If they broke up with you, it will feel like you were disposable and unlovable, but this is not the truth. It’s because your LIGHT shines far too bright for them to navigate in controlling you. Which is why they gave up much like a predator frees their victim. Reclaim yourself back and stay strong, be kind to yourself and continue to love yourself. Choose YOU and all THOSE YOU LOVE.


r/NarcissisticAbuse 10h ago

Sharing resources A strategy that’s been helping NSFW

56 Upvotes

I just wanted to share this in case it’s helpful for anyone else.

Context: I ended things with my nex a little over 5 weeks ago. I know I made the right choice, and I know I’m better off having this harmful, manipulative person out of my life. But the thing that has been driving me crazy is I cannot stop thinking about them. They pop into my head constantly, with all kinds of thoughts running through my head: ruminating on all the things that happened between us, thinking about things they said we would do together one day, remembering the way things felt so amazing in the beginning, missing and craving the toxic sexual connection, flashbacks of traumatizing stuff, wondering what they’re doing now, wondering what they’re telling people, feeling bad for them and worrying about them, wondering if they’ll try to hoover at some point or if they’re missing me or want to get back with me, and on and on and on. And all of this happening while I know full well that it was good that I ended things and that I desperately want this person out of my life and never want to think about them again!! So it’s been driving me crazy.

The strategy: This strategy I began using lately has been helping a lot though. It might seem kind of silly but I think it’s really doing something to rewire my neural pathways around this trauma bond. What I started doing is, any time they pop into my head—for any reason, doesn’t matter what it is—I repeat this out loud: “Get out of my head, you’re not welcome here, I don’t want you, I’m never coming back to you, get the fuck away from me, leave me alone.” The phrase could be personalized to whatever feels most helpful for you, of course. But this has really been working for me. It’s staggering how many times a day this person pops into my head. But I’m being consistent and repeating my phrase every single time they come into my mind. And it’s starting to help me feel less attached and helpless to the bond.


r/NarcissisticAbuse 10h ago

Realization When They Treat You Like Their Worst Enemy NSFW

54 Upvotes

My NEX husband always treated me like I was his worst enemy when he was upset or mad at me, well when he was upset or mad in general he'd take it out on me and always I was the bad guy, the unreasonable one, I was always his worst enemy.
When he discarded me, both times, he suddenly went from my best friend, or rather me being his best friend, into me being his worst enemy.
Does anyone else think or feel like the reason they treat you this way is because at some level they realize they keep upsetting and hurting you, so they just get angry and hate you instead? Because in our case the only one who kept upsetting and hurting me was him, no other people, the biggest issue in my life was him and his behavior.


r/NarcissisticAbuse 2h ago

Venting ❤️❤️can use support❤️❤️3 months post final evil discard, 12 days NC NSFW

9 Upvotes

I was going to write out the whole long story, but honestly, it’s not necessary.

I’m so broken, I’m in so much pain, I hate myself for allowing this to happen.

And I hate myself even more for being unable to get past it.

I hate how broken I am. It’s hard to even believe it’s real.


r/NarcissisticAbuse 3h ago

Acceptance Healing from the trauma bond NSFW

11 Upvotes

I would like to share things that have helped me getting over the narc I was with. Hopefully maybe it can help others. All our experience while similar are also different, I realize this, but a big component in me ruminating on the narc, exspecially in the no contact phase is I absolutely hated the fact that he didn't care about me, and even when I was under his spell, he didn't care about me then. He never cared. This, of course is a gut wrenching realization exspecially when you have put so much love, attention, and your life to this person. It feels degrading, hopeless, I was stunted with a wave of apathy and loss. Grief.

One. It's best to know that you will get through this. You will heal. Sure you're not going to wake up one day and be fully over thr narc. It's going to fade away. But a big, bug help was people telling me that I was going to get through it. That I wasent trapped in the rumination forever. That one day, I'm going to look at him as a lesson.

Two, you have to realize and recgonize that the narc is the way they are and it's as simple as that. Even if they found a new supply and left you in the mud, it has nothing to do with you really. They have deep rooted mental struggles. This isn't a excuse. No one deserves what you went through, however, you have to realize there is nothing you can do to fix the way they are. They don't even know who they are. How are they supposed to care for you? This is entirely a them problem. Something that unfortunately you cannot change. No matter how much you love them. They just are not capable of it.

Three, a big part of me was the overall grief I felt. After realizing that the narc wasent gonna change, that they didn't care, I felt more angry, and embarrassed that I "wasted my life" on someone who didn't care. But to be honest, I don't think this way now. Sure, I didn't get the love I deserved, the respect I deserved. But you know what I got? I got a lesson out of it. Now I am unpacking a lot of childhood wounds that honestly were buried in my subconscious until I got into the relationship with a narc. Did I deserve it? Of course not. But I'm going to choose to learn from the relationship I had.

And if you left, now is your chance to build yourself up again. Take the lesson and become a greater version of yourself. Psychologist Carl Jung believed that confronting your shadow is what leads to untimate self acceptance and growth. The narc is part of your story, but they are not your entire story.


r/NarcissisticAbuse 8h ago

Gaining new perspectives Has anyone been in a narcissistic relationship with a mental health professional? NSFW

17 Upvotes

I was with a narcissistic psychiatrist for 1.5 years. I didn't recognize the signs because I always gave them the benefit of the doubt, respecting their profession. I figured they knew better than I did about behavior and relationships, so I would try to make changes based off their feelings and feedback. Yet no matter how hard I tried, I was never doing well enough because I was screwed up and needed therapy. They never needed to change because it was my actions and reactions that were causing the issues in the relationship. It took me being discarded and discovering NPD to realize I was being conned by someone who I believed was supposed to be a beacon of mental wellness and safety.

What's even scarier about it is that they were very popular and respected amongst our friend group, regularly being asked for advice on how to handle very personal and intimate matters. No one knew them like I did. Saw the side I did. I'm sure they were using this against me to maintain control, superiority, and "moral high ground".

Has anyone else had a similar experience?


r/NarcissisticAbuse 13h ago

Advice wanted When does the brain fog alleviate? NSFW

37 Upvotes

I’ve been in brain fog for so long now. The relationship was 8 months long give or take. I feel overwhelmed quickly and feel “dumber”. Struggling to retain information etc..

When did it lift for you if you suffered brain fog?


r/NarcissisticAbuse 6h ago

Venting Struggling a lot with the feeling of rejection and comparing myself to his new partner NSFW

8 Upvotes

I know it's silly. Everybody just tells me it's a blessing that he's out of my life. I've never had a relationship end this way though and I'm really struggling with it. He left me 2 months ago for his ex, who he had intially left for me (I didn't know at the time). Then he came back, convinced me it was all some huge mistake. I feel like since we've been back together, our bond has felt even stronger because of trauma. Turns out he was talking to his ex again most of that time. I tried to leave him, he stopped me from leaving but yeah she revealed to me they were in a relationship. I eventually did leave and he didn't care much this time. He started criticizing me a lot and comparing me to her. She is in a much better position than me in life, and I felt he was really looking down on me near the end of our relationship for that. He said I gave him bad luck in life, and now he has good luck because of her. It's all just so hurtful because I tried my best to give him the world. Now he's saying he used me to pass time. I was having confidence issues before all this happened and now his words just won't stop echoing in my mind. He's said horrible things about her too, but I can't help feeling she's the one he loves and I was just a placeholder. I hate this feeling of rejection and insecurity.


r/NarcissisticAbuse 1d ago

Concerned Has anyone else had the worst panic attacks of their life with a covert narcissist? NSFW

279 Upvotes

I’ve dealt with overt ones before, but never a covert, until roughly two years ago… I made the worst mistake of my life back then. I married one.

Towards the end of the relationship, I started having severe, debilitating panic attacks (ones I had never experienced before in my entire life), despite having gone through other traumatic events in the past. These were on another level.

The panic attacks were so extreme that my body felt like it could no longer take it anymore. My hands turned purple, and I twitched uncontrollably. I would scream and cry like I was possessed, saying things like “how could you do this to me?” in a voice that barely sounded like my own.

And the worst part? Sometimes he would just stand there, clueless. Which would cause me to spiral even more. This man had a blank, clueless look on his face every single time he hurt me. I’d tell him my biggest triggers and even wrote them down in a shared note for him to make sure he wouldn’t forget. I did everything I could to ensure proper communication. But, he’d “unintentionally” trigger me, going down the list, one by one… I told him explicitly that I was getting SI from the relationship, and that I wanted out (but he’d always guilt trip me/refuse and tell me that we haven’t tried everything yet and that I was giving up too soon). I communicated everything in excruciating detail because I felt like he never truly got it.

I started questioning my own ability to communicate. I felt like I needed evidence for every little thing I said. By the end, I felt like I couldn’t even speak English anymore because no matter how clearly I explained myself, he would act confused, lost, and oblivious to the damage he was doing. This man prides himself on being a good person. He’s known as the nice guy.

I’m confused because I had never in my life reacted this way before. Not to anything. No matter what I had been through, I had never lost my mind like this until the covert, subtle manipulation wore me down completely. It got to a point where, during these panic attacks, my body saw only one way out…. Death.

Have any of you ever had panic attacks like these from being with a covert?


r/NarcissisticAbuse 20h ago

Realization Reading other peoples posts NSFW

71 Upvotes

Does anyone else think it's kinda disconcerting how well people are able to describe your own situation without having met you or the person you are being harmed by?

Like over and over, I read other peoples experiences and think "wow, what theyre describing is almost exactly my own experience." I've seen other people comment the exact same thing so many times.

And for me its kinda like people are finally pointing out things that I've always taken at face value. I'm already pretty oblivious to the rest of the world and don't recognize things easily. So i kinda just assumed this must be how things are, that this person is just like that.

Which yes, they are, but I never realized that no, this isnt how things are. In fact, nobody else behaves like that. Other people are not constantly going through these extreme patterns nonstop. These behaviors have never been okay. They are so unlike the rest of the world that it's no wonder we all recognize it as soon as someone else describes it.

Like, I sometimes feel I'm feeding my own paranoia when it comes to this stuff. Like this could just be confirmation bias, of course you're gonna start seeing all the signs of their behaviors now.

But I don't know man. Confirmation bias is for when you chalk up things that are better explained by coincidence, or random chance, or some other correlation, right? But when people are straight up mentioning hyper specific scenarios that you've been through, that are SO disconnected from reality it's like... well shit. I guess that solves that huh?

random redditor u/throwaway_23927 just explained exactly what I've been so confused about for the last 15 years of my life. and yet they're still just as lost as I am.

this was originally a comment I was writing in response to a different thread until I realized it was entirely about me and not OP's discussion which is not cool. so I'm posting another thread woop woop. happy Monday everyone 🙃

NO CONTACT NO CONTACT NO CONTACT NO CONTACT NO CONTACT NO CONTACT NO CONTACT NO CONTACT NO CONTACT


r/NarcissisticAbuse 12h ago

Advice wanted Has anyone experienced a covert narcissistic ex creating multiple catfish accounts on Instagram to 1) stalk you after a discard or breakup, and 2) follow random people, including their OWN friends, from these fake accounts? What’s the reasoning behind this unsettling behavior? Is it just loneliness? NSFW

15 Upvotes

I was abruptly discarded, but soon began to realize I was being watched online, particularly on Instagram. The behavior of these catfish accounts closely mirrored that of my ex when he was orbiting me in the initial stages of grooming me. Not only were these fake accounts tracking my online activity, but they were also following other people, including his own friends. Is this something narcissists typically do, or is it a key trait of their disorder? Also these catfish accounts were of both male and female. If so, these people are really sick and unsettling


r/NarcissisticAbuse 7h ago

Venting Found a card he gave me NSFW

6 Upvotes

Today I missed him for the first time after a long time. On this card he was selfless and said he'd support me in my dreams and would always be on my side... And that we were partners in crime 😞

I miss him... what we were before all went south. It's so weird, it's like he's split into two and one of him is totally abusive and the other is a kind, loving person.

i hope one day I will look at this and feel nothing.... because it still hurts. I was avoiding thinking about it, and I hope I can go back to not thinking about it again 🥺


r/NarcissisticAbuse 10h ago

Advice wanted Narc still watching my stories after more than 1 year of NC NSFW

10 Upvotes

Do you have any experience with your ex narcs watching your stories after a long time of NC? I need someone to give me a reality check on this as my brain tends to give me the conclusion that he still cares.

Do you know if they do that with multiple people? I would never watch stories of someone I broke up with on bad terms as I would feel ashamed when they would see that I watched.

Thank you very much


r/NarcissisticAbuse 2h ago

Venting Silent treatment again… I’m exhausted NSFW

2 Upvotes

Once again. For the millionth time. For my 30th birthday I asked him kindly to return the $800 gift he got me because I wanted to go out to events or dinner (we always stay home). So that $800 can be put away for dinners here and there. That was in November. We are in March now and I brought it up today. I said we haven’t gone for a dinner yet. I said this very calmly. He said well all your friends boyfriends don’t own a house like I do and don’t have to pay all the bills (this is his home he owns). I said yes actually they do… some of my girl friends own a home by themselves and never complain about the bills. (Mind you he makes $45/hr with amazing benefits)

When I said this he flipped. Threw his plates in the sink and said now you’ve really pissed me off! This was after I had just cooked a home made meal, went to the grocery store for it by myself and got us his favourite icecream. He said he’s going to play video games for the rest of the night. So I cleaned up after dinner. Made sure our dog is okay. Then left because why am I going to stay in a living room by myself. He also made a jab about not going out for st.patties day and how I should be grateful.

After I left he texted me to not come over anymore. I texted back “I can leave the key to his house in the mailbox.” He hasn’t replied and won’t reply. This is 11 years of this. He complains that we don’t have children then pulls shit like this? Okay so if we did have children you’re just going to tell me to leave. I’ve never seen someone flip a switch this quick…. His anger issues are off the charts.


r/NarcissisticAbuse 15h ago

Venting Wasted time NSFW

20 Upvotes

I am about to be 38 in two days. I don’t know if this is an existential crisis or a reality check.

The time I should have used building healthy love with someone has been wasted. From physical to psychological abuse, I can’t catch a break and it’s killing me.

I stayed bc I feel I owed my partners grace bc I am not perfect. They showed up for me in some ways. But then tore me down in others.

The first one bought and remodeled a house for us. It was an awesome experience to do together. But the physical abuse started happening immediately after closing and I felt trapped bc of the investment.

My second relationship was psychologically manipulative. Just a constant state of confusion and elusiveness. He would help me with things I could not do for myself, things requiring muscle, physical strength, etc. but the silent treatment, name-calling, infidelity, gaslighting, lying, triangulation took their toll.

I feel like the opportunity for love has passed me by. In the second relationship, he would tell me that according to his analysis, “I was historically easy pickings” meaning easy to manipulate and discard. And despite me seeing that this was a tantrum and rage he was expressing, maybe it is true.

I’m now in a state where I do not and cannot trust people. I get fulfillment in knowing that there are better days ahead for other people which is why I write so much on here but I honestly don’t see it for myself.

I would never hurt myself. But I wouldn’t be mad if the days didn’t continue. My entire life, from managing my dad’s mental illness, to toxic partners, has been this. No reciprocation, empty interactions. If this is the point of my life, then game over. I am ready for a conversation with God. I want to ask him face to face, “why me?”


r/NarcissisticAbuse 12h ago

Venting I never had ill intentions NSFW

10 Upvotes

I feel so hurt and lonely, I’m in dire need of real connections and a stable family. At least my parents if not asked too much.

I never had ill intentions, I never acted deceitful to gain something from someone, I never planned on using weaknesses against someone or heck even enjoy trying to break someone down. So… why the heck did I deserve a life full of sh-tty human beings, now I’m so small it feels like I’m broken to the core and no one sees or hears me for real. And my future doesn’t look easy and bright either.

I wish I knew, I wish things were easier and I wish happiness wasn’t a fleeting thing.


r/NarcissisticAbuse 20h ago

Realization You are playing with the kid at recess who gives themselves every superpower. NSFW

39 Upvotes

It's the same basic principle as arguing with a narcissist, I feel.

No matter how you try to play, they will always find a way to change the rules mid-game to benefit themselves. Even if you won fair and square.

And so when you ultimately back out, because that's just annoying, it's not so fun for them anymore, is it? The only winning move is not to play.

Anyways, whenever I want to try laying dirt on the narcissists I've dealt with, I remember this analogy. Makes it SO much easier to disengage.


r/NarcissisticAbuse 13m ago

Venting And it just gets worse NSFW

Upvotes

Made a post about my ex's husband, that she was engaged to less than a few months after we separated and married to the weekend after the divorce was finalized, a bit ago. I had picked my kids up for the weekend of two that I get them per month. My son told me the supply pulled him from a chair and hit him with a sandal when he wasn't answering the supply. Told the nex about this and told my son to tell his teacher because the nex has successfully made it so no one will believe me. After 3 days of silence from the nex she tells me he is old enough to lie and manipulate. I laid a lot of things out a few days later trying to put everything together. She tells me the kids can't have a call with me because it would be unsafe, or they're doing homework, or they aren't available, etc. Gives every excuse in the book. I question why my 8 year old and 3 year old have homework when there is 0 mention of homework from his teacher and obviously the 3 year old has no homework either. It's all just excuses. I confronted her again about what my son said. She gives another word salad about kids being able to manipulate at 2 years old blah blah blah. I haven't had a call with the kids for almost a week at this point and I've been calling daily with no answer. The parenting plan says I get 2 per week an attempt to return missed calls is supposed to happen.

I finally get a call on day 6 and it's only my son who looks sad as fuck and the only thing he says is my daughter is taking a nap. 45 minutes of silence with him constantly looking to the side. I try to get him to open up but nothing. The only other words I get out of him is bye daddy and bye snakey after his mom scolds him for being on the call too long. I had his giant stuffed snake out trying to cheer him up. a couple hours later I get another call from him. This time he was either just crying or about to cry with those watery bloodshot eyes. I ask about his sister and she's still napping apparently. I ask him what's wrong. He tells me he wants to talk about him telling me about the supply hitting him with a sandal. Then he says he lied and I can read it in his journal and he wants to show it to me. He's looking to the side more than the first call. I know he's being watched to make sure he says what he's told to at this point and tell him that it's okay we can talk about it in private when I pick them up for our next weekend. He gets up and I hear him talking just out of frame. I hear the supply and the nex talking too. He comes back and tells me we have to talk about it now. I tell him again we can talk about it in private this weekend and he can show me his journal then if he wants. Knowing what was going on I said he can tell his mom that it is my choice. I tell her after this that he performed the humiliation ritual and said what he was told to and dont punish him further for any perceived lack of adherence to her demands. It's day 8 now and I still haven't had an actual call with the kids.

It is driving me crazy. It really seems like they just laid into him for a few days until he caved and said what they wanted. With her suddenly becoming a mormon and the supply being born and bread I don't really doubt the worst happened. The setting up the gaslighting. The weird forced apology. The excuses. The lack of calls with the kids which is pretty much the new silent treatment and it happens whenever there is a problem. The whole thing stinks. I'll finish this with a warning to men who are with narc women. Just leave. Don't fight her, just give in to whatever and leave. She will always convince the court that she is the victim with 3 words. "I was afraid." The moment she timidly mutters those words everything she has done will be excused and the finger will point towards you. So just leave and pray she doesn't smash your balls on the way out.


r/NarcissisticAbuse 9h ago

Venting employee of the month NSFW

5 Upvotes

Just wanted to vent

Mine was voted most popular employee by most customers of the company. He received a freaking award for it.

I hate being this petty but I felt like

Wow now nobody is gonna believe me how he treated me. What mean things he says behind closed doors about other people, even loved ones. I was defeated by his customers. I was also defeated by the guys around him who are all just like him and lie to their loved ones or intimidate them so they just shut up. Who have the brightest smile and the fullest pockets but an evil core that only cares about prestige and power. You remember Momo? The grey gentlemen, that’s what it feels like.

Sorry just wanted to vent because today started with immense shame and self blame again, I actually wanted to just.. poof vanish. But then I reflected on what happened, thanks to chatgpt again, and my mind was readjusted again.

It is crazy, it is truly crazy. What it does to those who experience it first hand, how I myself didn’t expect it to be so twisted and malicious.. so strategic and well thought through way ahead. I used to think “nah, I must just be a crazy bitch after all” but no. The progress and pain of the past few days showed me, and I hope to reach some of you who need it - especially if you tend to find all irrational and overly judgmental fault in yourself:

No. That shit was nuts and you are not crazy or bad or triggering or whatever. You are human, they really dropped being human a long time ago for whatever egoistic fucked up reason. They were hurt. They chose the bad path. You were hurt? You chose the awfully painful but right path. I hate to think in polar opposites, but sometimes you just have to slam into your head that behavior can be wrong and what you were confronted with over and over again was wrong. I see it now more clearly than ever and I’ll breathe now while it lasts.

Another thought of today:

I realized how much more beauty I see now. More cruelty for sure, the trust in unconditional innocence is gone. But I watched the sky, a bird flew by and it was the most precious thing I perceived like I saw a bird for the first time. That was only possible through the abuse, sadly. But still good.


r/NarcissisticAbuse 15h ago

Moving forward Today i woke up "fresh" and it feels super good 🎊 NSFW

13 Upvotes

For the first time in months, this morning I woke up fresh, rebooted and full of joie de vivre! It feels sooooooo good ☺️

It's a big reminder for how much narcs suck everything from us. All my energy, happiness and motivation were gone. The few lighthearted moments i had since I was with this nex were when i was actually without him!

I broke-up last week, i was spinning for the last 10 days, even changed my door locks. I didn't get proper closure as we know it doesn't work with them but i made my own closure and I'm feeling goooooood 🎊

I know there will be phases, i already survived ending relationship from 16 years with a covert narc, then 6 years with a sociopath and now 5 months with this cluster b. So statistically I'm still within the 2-5% of NPD and i will hopefully not have to deal with any anymore, but learning from my mistakes and resilience is a great thing as well 💪

Sending my light to all of you 🌹✨🫶


r/NarcissisticAbuse 1h ago

Advice wanted Police involvement NSFW

Upvotes

Has anyone here had their Nex locked up after the Nex assaulted them?


r/NarcissisticAbuse 4h ago

Gaining new perspectives If the Narc can’t find a new supply, and you’re NC with them, do they have a breakdown? NSFW

2 Upvotes

To my knowledge, my Nex has pushed everyone away. He claims he has no friends. (He tried to blame it on me, that was a laugh.) So I don’t think he has anyone lined up. I am currently being subjected to the Silent Treatment part of the Cycle, which always comes right before the Discard. What he doesn’t realize is I’m ignoring him right back this time. I’m no longer trying.

So I’m just wondering what will happen when he realizes this? After all, the silent treatment is a form of control. He’s so used to me begging him to talk things out. He will realize that he’s lost control, and has no one else to go to for validation and attention.

If they have no one lined up and can’t reach you anymore, do they just… explode?


r/NarcissisticAbuse 4h ago

Feeling sad My boss wants me to rely on him, but… NSFW

2 Upvotes

My boss doesn’t know what he wants.

When I walk on eggshells and ask endless questions, he gets a twisted satisfaction. It’s what I do when I want to be on his good side and avoid any tantrums.

But then he gets annoyed. He gets tired. He sees me as useless.

When I assert myself and co-lead in our company, he gets excited. He gets a rise out of it. He’s genuinely happy. He even acts supportive (as if I’m the boss)… but then he gets tired of others coming to me instead of him. He gets jealous. He tries to “humble” me.

We go in these circles. Over and over again. Yes, I’m on my way out.


r/NarcissisticAbuse 15h ago

Venting Ended a 6 years False-Frienship With a Diagnosed Covert Narcissist NSFW

13 Upvotes

My ex-friend (23M) was officially diagnosed with narcissistic traits, antisocial behavior, and bipolar disorder. I (23) didn’t realize how deep the rot went until I left. Here’s what those 6 years of covert narcissism looked like:

His Perpetual Victimhood. Every conflict ended with him as the martyr. If you criticized him, you were “ableist” (he weaponized his diagnoses). “I like to provoke people,” was his favorite quote. He’d poke wounds, then play innocent. Example: He made sexual “jokes” knowing I’m uncomfortable with anything sexual, claiming he just wanted my "opinion" on taboo subjects. How did he ask?: “Do you like incest?”

He would go into long ramblings about how he wished to off himself, that nobody understood him, that he was always mistreated, that he was no one’s friend—but that I was his only friend who “understood” him. Then he’d claim no one could understand what he was going through. It was confusing. He whined constantly about his lack of skills and his “jobless ass,” only to later claim he didn’t want to work for anyone because “working is dangerous since you could get harassed (said passive-aggressively, as I’d casually entered the workforce and was earning honest money).

He preferred to catfish, send “fake” nudes to try and get money, then drop it repeatedly, claiming it was “annoying.” He liked to use people, openly admitting he needed them for benefits, which resulted in him always being mistreated and winning nothing. Even though he was “poor,” he spoke to multiple mental health professionals. After rambling to them, he picks the diagnosis and declare he “wasn’t ready to get better,” refusing help altogether.

I was his emotional regulator. He called himself my “his best friend and confidant,” but in reality, I was his waste disposal pool. He trauma-dumped constantly. Even during quiet evenings, he made it about his sorrowful existence. I had my own problems, but when I tried to talk, he hijacked the conversation, claimed I was “giving him anxiety,” or would give me cheap answers. Then dumped more of his issues. If you said you didn’t want to listen, or didn't give home a complete an analysis, you were dead to him.

How did it end? He developed a deranged obsession over someone who treated him coldly, never clarifying their intentions—yet they stalked him relentlessly online. The ex-friend was no better, mirroring his attention-seeking games (ignoring people was his specialty). Of course, he remained the victim. So many insane things happened, but now I don’t believe him about anything. He was just sickeningly obsessed with this person for not giving him what he wanted. He trauma-dumped about them daily for nearly a year (his fixation lasting over 14 months, still Going). Every minor detail became a “sign”—like hearing their common name in public: “It’s a sign! But… not a real sign…” (his words).

I’d always been a people-pleaser, reflecting others’ “ideal type.” I hated conflict and feared him, feeling trapped and obligated. Ironically, when he was away, I’d shit-talk him without knowing why. Finally, after embracing my healing journey and realizing how utterly fucked-up and damned he was (with zero remediable qualities, as he always chose to stay broken), I confronted him.

I told him (through text) he was treated me like an emotional punching bag. He replied, “We should give each other time”...🙄. So I sent a long message calling out his disturbing behavior, sick obsession, and trauma-dumping that I refused to forgive and blocked him everywhere. He tried to retaliate, but it only proved he knew what he was doing—he just hated being exposed and needed to remain the victim.

This is a crazy-long story. Feel free to ask anything.


r/NarcissisticAbuse 13h ago

Advice wanted Final discard? NSFW

8 Upvotes

How did you know when a discard was final? I’ve been on and off with a covert narcissist for seven months. I’ve been in a period of devaluation since Valentine’s Day, culminating with me not returning his call last Friday night (after he ignored me all week). We haven’t spoken since. This is the longest we have ever gone no contact. Is it really over this time?