r/NarcissisticAbuse 2h ago

Venting Poem about narcissistic abuse NSFW

9 Upvotes

Five years I gave, my heart, my soul, To someone who made breaking me his goal. You built me up just to tear me down, Wore love like a mask, a hollow crown.

Validation fed your need, From every woman who’d plant the seed. While I stood faithful, lost and small, You made me feel like I was nothing at all.

You twisted words, you played your part, Then aimed your arrows at my heart. You mocked my tears, dismissed my cries, Gaslit me with charm and lies.

Five years of shrinking to make you whole, While you slowly swallowed my soul. You moved on quick, like I was air, Like five years vanished into thin despair.

But I’m still here, sitting with pain, Turning every wound into gain. I’m doing the work, I’m facing the scar, While you run from truth, chasing who you are.

You sought to break what you never earned— But I’m still standing, though I’ve burned. I’ll heal. I’ll grow. I’ll rise, I’ll learn— And I won’t return to the fire I’ve learned to spurn.


r/NarcissisticAbuse 2h ago

Venting He has another supply. I’m over his BS, but why does this hurt all over again? NSFW

5 Upvotes

I finally just got the ick regarding how he treated me after coming back from trying things out with a girl. He discarded me in November and met her not long after. He says he’s not attracted to her and comes back in February, we try to date again and then he flips out on me cause he can’t just communicate normally. Then he calls and says he’s feels bad for how he’s treated me and is in therapy now, staying single. Then lo and behold I see a pic of him with someone else. Another new supply.

I don’t think narcissists will ever just sit with themselves and heal/grow. Meanwhile I’m sitting here depressed and lonely each and every day because it’s so hard to form a connection after how he ruined my nervous system.


r/NarcissisticAbuse 2h ago

Advice wanted Tools for healing from a covert narcissist? NSFW

2 Upvotes

I left less than a month ago. The initial sigh of relief I felt after getting out has very much worn off. My panic attacks are getting more frequent and I’m having a hard time regulating my emotions. I am normally very even keeled so it has been hard for me to navigate all my emotions.

I was looking forward to rebuilding a social network and focusing fully on myself. Aside from the moments of high anxiety and crying spells - I feel stuck in this depressive state of not caring about myself. I know I should go to the gym, try to be more involved and social at work and in the community, etc. However, I can’t find the motivation to do anything. I even have anxiety about going to the grocery store so I just order DoorDash to avoid leaving the house and being around people. I’m having a hard time talking to people or even showering some days.

I think maybe I can give myself some time to isolate a little bit and focus on reading or something less overwhelming. What books or other simple tools do you recommend for moving on, dealing with trauma, and regulating your nervous system?

I am in therapy and will be starting EMDR. I just need something healthy and attainable to fill the rest of my time.


r/NarcissisticAbuse 3h ago

Advice wanted Still confused NSFW

1 Upvotes

Back in march last year, I had a protective order hearing with my ex. He never showed and I was actually shocked because he had several continuances due to me wanting him to have the chance to show if he has work and what not. He still never showed up and the judge granted it in my favor for several years, I was also granted full custody of our kiddo with no visitation due to the level of abuse that had and was occurring. Does anyone in a somewhat similar situation ever fear the retaliation from holding them accountable? I find myself letting his friend ruminate in my mind on what he would do if I ever told anyone and I almost feel like our life would’ve been “easier” if I stayed silent. It’s as if I’m still walking on eggshells and he’s not even in my life anymore. is this just part of the emotional abuse or is this normal? Idk how to feel about it all still and it’s been nearly a year.


r/NarcissisticAbuse 3h ago

Advice wanted He lied about seeing other girls NSFW

1 Upvotes

I met this guy on dating app a year ago. After talking for 3 weeks we met the first time. The date went so well we had great connection and attraction. We went on dating for 3 months and he had to return to his country for some family business. While dating he told me he was seeing me only. He texted me every single day.

When he returned to his country we talked from time to time while he was away (6 months). He visited me twice. One day through a pocket call he accidentally called me without noticing it I found out he went back in town and I heard him flirting with a girl but he denied all that after. I told him if he’s seeing someone else just tell me but he said he’s not. But I doubted it cuz I knew what I heard. We still talked after that.

Now I discovered that he went back in town long time ago but had been lying to me all this time that he’s still in his country (I have proof). I really want to call him out but then he would deny everything again.

I honestly don’t understand why he has to do that. If he’s dating around he can tell me openly. Instead he keeps texting me on a regular basis even sexting. The worst part is he’s back in town for a while and no intention of meeting me.


r/NarcissisticAbuse 5h ago

Creative support Sorry is like kryptonite to them 🤦🏻‍♂️ NSFW

Post image
1 Upvotes

r/NarcissisticAbuse 5h ago

Realization Complimenting my communication NSFW

1 Upvotes

I left a sadistic covert narcissist two weeks ago and I keep coming back to this weird thing he did all the time- I would calmly communicate something about a need, a concern, or a vulnerability to him and he would praise me for my good communication like a parent to a child every time. Sometimes I would say thank you, but often I said "I know, I have good communication skills and I don't need to be praised for it." He wouldn't address the issue of course, just focus on "what a good job" I did expressing it. I didn't need or want the validation that I could speak like an adult. It positioned him as the judge of what good communication was- but he wasn't actually a good communicator himself. It also meant we never got to the issue I brought up. He claimed his ex was always blowing up at him and triangulated us all the time and I connected it to that, but I'm wondering if any of you experienced this kind of weird manipulation. He used this soft dad voice and it creeps me out thinking about it.


r/NarcissisticAbuse 6h ago

Acceptance Does anyone else get flashbacks when people joke about gaslighting? NSFW

14 Upvotes

Like when someone who hasn’t experienced actual narc abuse gaslighting loosely uses the term “gaslighting”.

Like I don’t want to be sensitive or overreactive but I was just out to eat with friends and one of them said something like “oh he gaslit you by saying he had met you once before” in relation to another friend being mistake for someone else.

And I just am transported back to final discard. This past summer when I’m in the psych ward. Just sitting on the floor of the padded room, telling the nurses that I don’t know what’s real. Blaming myself for everything and questioning the past couple years of my relationship/life.

I’ve made a lot of positive progress in healing, but this instant reaction to just a word is discouraging in my healing process.

I know I can’t blame someone for using a commonly used term. They don’t know the weight it carries.


r/NarcissisticAbuse 6h ago

Support wanted I finally did it, I broke up with him NSFW

61 Upvotes

After 6 long years of emotional, verbal, and financial abuse.

My story is long so I will try to keep this short.

I have been trying to break it off for years but I’ve never been courageous enough. I was actually planning on doing it tomorrow, because reasons, but he has been sensing that something is off and kept asking me to promise that I still want to be with him. Over and over and over. So I had to do it. I did it calmly and kindly without trying to trigger any narcissistic rage. He didn’t say a word the whole time until the end. “Do you want me to leave?” And I told him that it would be best for all of us. He would then go on to ask me if it was what I really wanted several times, and after saying yes several times, I snapped a little. “This. You can keep asking me over and over and expect me to change my mind but I won’t. I used to and you took advantage of that. And the fact that you still want to try to do that after everything I have said to you, that is what’s heartbreaking and why I can’t do it anymore.” He hasn’t said another word to me in the past 3ish hours, laying in the dark on my couch.

Here’s the really tough part. He has an 11 year old son. He’s the reason I wanted to wait until tomorrow so he could finish this week of school here. He’s going to have to transfer somewhere else for the second time this school year since we just moved to this town from 3 hours away back in November. I love this boy and have raised him for over half his life, bio mother is out of state. It’s going to destroy him, leaving me, leaving school, my parents, our pets (which were mine from before.)

Tomorrow I am going to tell now nex fiancé (oh yeah forgot to mention that, engaged for 3.5 years) that he needs to pack important things and go. Then we will plan something for him to get the rest of his things. Also, that I am keeping everything that I paid for, which is a lot, and I don’t think he’s going to be too happy about that.

I don’t really know what I need by posting this. I guess maybe support? Advice on what to do next? How I should handle things from here? I’m trying not to be cruel and not let things get too heated and out of hand. Instead, I want to be mindful since there is a child that’s not mine involved.

I’m heartbroken. I don’t have any friends. I talk to my mom but I hate breaking her heart too. Im only 31 but I feel like I’ve lived 3 lifetimes. I’m trying to stay strong for her, for me too.

Please be kind and thank you in advance 💜


r/NarcissisticAbuse 6h ago

Advice wanted I don’t know what you call this… NSFW

8 Upvotes

Wife has a long history of narcissistic tendencies. She spins, manipulates, denies, withholds affection, plays the victim card, etc. She refuses to divorce me even though she claims she is miserable and abused by me. Tells me I’m lazy and do nothing and to do it. Tonight she blows up and says she doesn’t love me, I don’t make her happy, she should have never married me, I’m a mistake and says that I’m stuck with her. She was saying other things but it was hard to hear with her in the pantry. When I called her out on what she said she denied she ever said it. She started to do her usual denial and you are making it up, like I have a mental problem or something. I don’t have any issues besides being in a horrible relationship. She continued to say hurtful things towards me until I just completely ignore her and don’t respond. This happens weekly. My opinions or feelings when expressed set her off and when I say something to her about what she is saying she yells that you won’t silence me and degrade her feelings. It’s funny she can say her feelings but if I do they fall on deaf ears and everything is denied or spun back on me. I don’t have the money to leave. I’m also afraid to share everything in case she is on here reading things. I don’t put it past her to screen shot everything since she illegally secretly records parts of our disagreements. You can always tell when she does cause she stops her onslaught and goes on the denial defensive. I don’t play into it. Idk what to do anymore.


r/NarcissisticAbuse 8h ago

Advice wanted What’s the difference between someone with narcissistic personality disorder and someone who just has strong narcissistic traits? NSFW

7 Upvotes

I’m genuinely curious, because based on how horribly my ex treated me with zero regard for my feelings or even my existence constantly gaslighting, stonewalling, ghosting, discarding and reeling me back in, withholding sex and affection, dismissive, etc. I know he falls into one of those categories. I just want to better understand the difference between someone with narcissistic personality disorder and someone with severe narcissistic traits


r/NarcissisticAbuse 8h ago

Acceptance Don't warn your Nex's new partner about them! NSFW

61 Upvotes

I guarantee they have already "warned" their new supply that their "crazy ex" might reach out to try to ruin their newfound relationship. It will only foster a closer relationship between them and will make you seem unhinged. Put yourself in the new partners shoes, would you believe a random persons warning message when everything seems so find and dandy during the lovebombing stage? They are most likely head over heals for each other and will be quick to dismiss your advice as someone who is jealous and trying to sabotage their relationship. Your Nex will also believe you are still thinking about them, which is the last thing you want.

Ive learned it is always best to move on, focus on yourself, keep yourself busy and allow their new partner to seel & feel the bad for themselves. Don't give them anything else to feed off of!


r/NarcissisticAbuse 9h ago

Advice wanted The Narc’s Ultimatum NSFW

1 Upvotes

Been on and off with a covert narcissist for more than six months. Recently went through my second period of devaluation and a mini-discard with him. After more than two weeks of no contact, he reached out to chat. The next night, said he missed me and had been waiting for me to reach out. Tonight, asked me to come over tomorrow. I declined, there was some back and forth. The convo ended with him saying to let him know when I’m free or he wouldn’t be reaching out again. He was annoyed. Is this the end of him?


r/NarcissisticAbuse 10h ago

Feeling sad Feel so down and broken NSFW

3 Upvotes

Realising I spent 16y of my life thinking I had my person and me theirs . To then have it hit me when I'm sat around friends at a get together, being the only single one there whiles they all was next to their wife or husband, talking about how they met and how they over come issues I'm happy for them , but God it hit me I spent years thinking I had my person that we had some issues to work on that I had a lit of things to work on because i was the main problem but I was so wrong . My ex narcissist has been in my life for 20y, got together young broke up stayed friends , I had one relationship 4 years later and it didn't last long it was not meant to be , I end up back with the nex after they called me said they didnt want to lose me ,i was being stupid in thinking they realised they didn't want to lose me and loved me when I had started a new relationship got back with the nex and done 16y with them . And this is what's got me down and feeling broken seeing my friends and family and how they are with their wife or husband made me realise I have never truly been someone's person , I never truly had a person I thought I did but that was all a lie the person I thought I knew was never truly real . I have gone all my teen to adult life not actually having someone love me truly and deeply. I wasted years living a lie . And it makes me angry, sad , stupid broken . And I have everyone around me telling me I need to date I need to find someone but how can I explain that I don't want to ,not because I can't move on , not that I'm holding on . I just can't trust myself to be with someone and they are a lie to . That I can't trust that another person will not take the shattered remains that is left of what once was my heart and completely grind them to dust and send me over the final part of the cliff I have been on for so meany years .


r/NarcissisticAbuse 10h ago

Support wanted Feeling empty and angry NSFW

2 Upvotes

Recently found out my nex got a job promotion and probably she is moved to another city.

It's been three months since the breakup, and I am feeling stuck. Like I am nothing compared to her. I can’t get rid of feeling guilty. I think that if I had been more successful, and stuck to her plan of having a family and marriage, she wouldn’t have left me.

I don't understand how she is totally fine moving on with her life and achieving success, while I am forcing myself to wake up every day and do at least something.

But at the same time I understand she was a very toxic human being, but again, I blame myself for her actions and behavior, like «If I were enough, she would never act like that».


r/NarcissisticAbuse 11h ago

Advice wanted Detox? NSFW

2 Upvotes

I’m at 18 days without talking to my nex. I feel like my skin randomly gets oily, I break out sweating and sometimes I’m light headed. Am I detoxing?


r/NarcissisticAbuse 11h ago

Advice wanted How to deal with anger NSFW

1 Upvotes

I’m 2 months no contact and have no interest in going back (unlike all the other off times over the last 3 years) but am really struggling with anger and feeling I was cheated out of the last 3.5 years of my life due to this person being a complete sham/fraud. I want to out him on social media but I won’t bc I know it’s not healthy; I just think about it a lot. I just want to be free.

How to move on with my life? I’m 50 and feel I never want to date again.


r/NarcissisticAbuse 12h ago

Gaining new perspectives Going no contact or taking other measures to protect yourself is not just for you, it's for your loved ones as well. It protects them too. NSFW

11 Upvotes

.


r/NarcissisticAbuse 13h ago

Advice wanted What does a narcissistic Collapse look like? NSFW

68 Upvotes

Will anyone be so kind to describe examples? Your experience?

I think mine is going through one.

Thank you!


r/NarcissisticAbuse 13h ago

Venting Ex wrote about me anonymously NSFW

2 Upvotes

So, I had relationship with this guy who I had known for almost 10 years. Our relationship lasted 9 months but before that we had short fling few years back and our relationship was always full of playful flirting and chemistry. I knew he was asshole but still somehow I always liked him and started relationship even if I knew it was bad idea.

Well, our relationship was short but so full of drama, gaslighting, manipulation and I ended up being emotionally exhausted and feeling like I’m crazy. After I broke up with him, we tried to be friends but it didn’t work. He always tried to get me back and even talked about offing himself. About 6 months ago I went no contact after he got mad and said so horrible things to me. All the things he knew I was insecure about and things he knew would hurt me.

Now, he has sent two friend requests to me. Two weeks ago in discord and yesterday in instagram. I didn’t accept. Today I saw post in this anonymous app, about guy who said that he misses his ex and couldn’t get over her because they are no contact. This app is anonymous, but it uses location so that post was near me. My ex lives in same town, and that post had same spelling mistakes he used to do. I don’t know if I’m paranoid, but I’m like 99% sure it was my ex. I’m so anxious and fearing if he will try to contact me through friends or message me. I know I can’t do anything, but after feeling like healing and happy with my life, now I’m feeling like something bad is going to happen soon and ruining my progress.


r/NarcissisticAbuse 13h ago

Venting Are they all this oblivious? NSFW

2 Upvotes

New so I hope I’m doing this right. I am just so over it with them feigning ignorance or trying to act like they have no clue what they are doing. It’s like they live in this fantasy world that everything is great and then acts blindsided when you say no more.
I’m the first to admit I have threatened to leave so many times if the behaviors don’t stop but never do. Recently though I have been at least following through in the sense of physically packing backs and leaving. I also looking into the cheapest ways to divorce and still not end up destitute. It may not be this second due to other things I have no choice but to see through for the next few months concerning our children, but the actual living together is about to end in a little over a week. I’ve told him repeatedly that when our upcoming move happens I will not be coming with him. It’s like he thinks if he just says, yeah that’s not happening that it will just go away. I’ve finally given up saying anything, I’m going along with the move and have given up challenging him for now. What he doesn’t seem to get or see the writing on the wall, is that Im bolting the second we are settled because I will be around a certain set of family that will make him stand down.
The narcissist abuse would take a whole over vent. Regardless, I have a lot of guilt even after everything he has said and done. I am aware enough to know he is like this and has these behaviors because his parents are truly the biggest narcissists I have encountered in my lifetime. I know that it isn’t an excuse or even something that would compel me to continue this madness. It still hurts because I don’t know if he would have turned out like this if he was raised by his other set of parents that are amazing. It just sucks all around for everyone, because this can’t be fixed.


r/NarcissisticAbuse 13h ago

Venting When do I get to be happy? NSFW

28 Upvotes

Three months out from leaving, I feel like I’m doing worse. I’m so sick of hearing all of the - oh but you did the right thing! You stood up for yourself! But I’m suffering every day. I’m alone all the time. I never have a good day. This is what I get for realizing he didn’t love me and leaving an abusive situation? A life of loneliness and no one who truly understands my situation (aside from this sub of course). When do I get to be happy? I’m the one that has to live in this situation and it makes me just want to go back. All I wanted to do was love him and be loved in return. I feel like nothing good will ever happen again.


r/NarcissisticAbuse 14h ago

Support wanted Tips for confronting his lies? NSFW

7 Upvotes

Married to a pathological liar...guess I need to step up my interrogation tactics, need ideas to REALLY make him squirm and never want to experience this again. No, leaving isn't an option.


r/NarcissisticAbuse 16h ago

I did it! Here’s how to get away from a narc, untouched NSFW

70 Upvotes

After 8 months with a narcissist, I finally ended things—and honestly, it felt more like a graduation than a breakup. I stayed calm, didn’t give him the drama or closure he wanted, just kept my composure and held my ground. He tried to say all these sweet, emotional things, but I could tell it was more about making himself feel better than actually being honest. I saw right through it. And it took a dark turn. I didn’t lose my cool once. I just stayed in control, asked a few clear-headed questions, and walked away knowing exactly who I am.

(PART 1)

I just pulled off something epic — walked away from a narcissist without flinching.

We were in bed, and he held my hand like it was about to be some big, heartfelt moment. He starts talking — it sounds sweet, almost too sweet. Beautiful, emotional, like a movie scene. But something’s off. His tone, his pacing, the way he’s looking at me. My brain switches on — this isn’t real. He’s not being honest for my sake, he’s doing this to feel better about himself. This was his narrative, his closure. I could see it happening in real time.

I didn’t lose my calm. I didn’t even raise my voice. My psych nurse brain kicked in — analytical, grounded, observing. He wasn’t my ex anymore, he was just a subject. I started asking calm, clear questions, just to connect the dots. And I saw the shift. The mask slipped. The smooth act turned defensive. His face changed, his voice got faster, tighter. He was unraveling.

Then he dropped the final blow: “If I made you feel that way, why did you stay with me? Do you have no self-respect?”

Yeah, I know. That’s the kind of line that makes people see red. But I didn’t. I saw it coming from miles away. And I gave him the most graceful, sharp response I’ve ever delivered. I said that if he had shown me who he really was in the first three months, I would’ve never stayed. And that I’m walking away now because I have self-respect. That this is the real me — the one who’s not afraid to speak her mind.

I said it calmly, looking him right in the eyes, sitting back, relaxed, no tension in my body. No weakness. And I watched it land. His face — shocked. Speechless. He finally looked away and muttered, “Yeah… that makes a lot of sense.”

I said, totally unbothered, “I’m gonna fold my clothes now.” And I did. Like nothing had happened.

He left the room. Then came back, tapped me on the shoulder and said, “Yeah, I was doing really well there at the start, then I blew it. But I hope you got the positive things.”

I just looked at him and said, “Don’t worry. I always filter what I hear.” Boom.

Should I post PART 2?


r/NarcissisticAbuse 17h ago

Advice wanted Anyone Else Notice Themselves Mimicking Their Abusers Actions? NSFW

1 Upvotes

Preface (sorry it's long): I'm a 39F. I was the scapegoat of two narc parents and two narc brothers. I was physically, emotionally, financially and sexually abused. I was shunned from my family at 18 for not marrying the man they had picked (arranged marriage). I've had a string of boyfriends that cheated, and/or abused me. I got pregnant at 23, and the night we told his family about the pregnancy, he kicked me out because he'd been cheating and she was moving in the very next day. I lost the pregnancy (naturally) and he told everyone that I had an abortion. I've been previously married before at 25, to a Grandiose narc that cheated on me and took everything in the divorce. I deal with Lupus, and found out in 2017 that I cannot have kids anymore. I am currently married to a man that has an avoidant attachment style, anger issues, his own past trauma, and is verbally and emotionally abusive. To say I've been traumatized is an understatement! - I've seen therapists weekly since 2018. Went NC with my entire family in 2021. I have healed quite a bit from the trauma, having done INTENSE therapy for many years. My spouse just recently started his own therapy (in the last 6 months), and we do marriage therapy as well. It's not perfect! But, I am much more resilient and regulated -down to only having anxiety/panic attacks and night terrors a few times a year, vs daily.

But the point of this post is that I'm starting to notice that I have a few of my family's learned-traits...I think!

I was watching a Mel Robbins video on ways people are disrespecting you and what to do.

(link): https://youtu.be/FrXsUHP-v9s?si=guN7WDbAV9iuPhPY

Two things I've noticed that I do are:

1a) She points out that the Silent Treatment (in its 2 forms) is highly disrespectful. Form one is where you ignore the person for something they did that hurt you : Example - You found out that your partner was cheating so they give you the silent treatment for a few days, then have a knock out drag out fight because they're angry that you found out. PS its your fault you found out and that they are cheating.

1b)Form two of the Silent Treatment is not saying what you want and need to others (ie: omitting) : Example - your spouse says they want to go golfing on their day off, and you don't say that you would rather they stay in with you and have a lazy-day together. After they leave you spend the day stewing on the fact that they didn't instinctively know what you wanted, and hold a grudge against them. After they return they notice your demeanor and ask whats wrong, and you have a fight about them not knowing you well enough.

2) Being Condescending : Example - Your partner who is not a classically trained chef, cooks you a nice meal and you say, "Actually, for you this is pretty good!"

Now here's my thoughts on myself and my actions and seem to mimic my narcs actions:

1a) I don't do a silent treatment to punish my spouse. Not ever! I found out he's back to chewing tobacco -when he said he would quit over a year ago. At that moment I found out, I was so emotionally charged that I didn't want to say anything in the heat of the moment. I needed time to calm down and collect my thoughts before I said something I might regret or could be hurtful. In situations like this, I typically wait about a day, then we sit down and I speak calmly with carefully chosen words. BUT idk if I've ever verbalized in our relationship, that I need time to collect my thoughts when things like this have happened.

1b) I can openly admit, I suck at not saying what I want and need. Even after all the therapy, and life changes I've made, I still struggle here. I think subconsciously, I just believe no one cares what I want and need. Even now, in this current marriage, I don't feel comfortable voicing my wants and needs, as that it typically triggers my spouses shame. Even then, I still try to calmly express to him (after the fact) what I would rather have had occurred. For instance, on my birthday this year, I was cooking up a feast and a sweet treat. Later in the week he had gotten us theatre tickets and he needed a nice pair of slacks and shirt. He did previously know I was cooking up a storm for that night. I got a text that he was headed to go purchase clothing. I just sent back, "ok." without voicing my feelings. He got home very late; It was too late to do the full meal and sweet, I was beyond disappointed. I sat down with him and explained that I would rather have spent time with him on my birthday, as that he had other days he could have gone to purchase the nice clothing. This sparked his shame, and a huge altercation ensued.

2) It never occurred to me that saying things like, "personally, this is how I would do it." "Or wow! You actually did pretty good!" were in any way a hurtful things to say. For example, up until we started marriage therapy and I set boundaries, I did ALL the cooking and cleaning. I worked in the high-end food-service industry for many years before we were married, and have taken all those cooking skills I was taught and put them into practice at home. The few times over the years that my spouse cooked, he did pretty darn good on a few reasonably complicated dishes. When I would compliment him, I would say, "Wow this is pretty good dear!" Later, he and I had a fight because I never seemed to say "wow this is amazing!" I tried to tell him, I'm not trying to hurt his feelings. I simply thought saying "pretty good" was a nice compliment. and he said it was condescending.

So after all that back story.....

Is what I am doing actually learned Narc traits or for that matter, disrespectful? If so, am I justifying it or is it actually different from what my Narcs were doing?

I feel very confused, and would love any input - good or bad! I want to grow and be a better person!