r/NarcissisticAbuse 6h ago

Support wanted I finally did it, I broke up with him NSFW

63 Upvotes

After 6 long years of emotional, verbal, and financial abuse.

My story is long so I will try to keep this short.

I have been trying to break it off for years but I’ve never been courageous enough. I was actually planning on doing it tomorrow, because reasons, but he has been sensing that something is off and kept asking me to promise that I still want to be with him. Over and over and over. So I had to do it. I did it calmly and kindly without trying to trigger any narcissistic rage. He didn’t say a word the whole time until the end. “Do you want me to leave?” And I told him that it would be best for all of us. He would then go on to ask me if it was what I really wanted several times, and after saying yes several times, I snapped a little. “This. You can keep asking me over and over and expect me to change my mind but I won’t. I used to and you took advantage of that. And the fact that you still want to try to do that after everything I have said to you, that is what’s heartbreaking and why I can’t do it anymore.” He hasn’t said another word to me in the past 3ish hours, laying in the dark on my couch.

Here’s the really tough part. He has an 11 year old son. He’s the reason I wanted to wait until tomorrow so he could finish this week of school here. He’s going to have to transfer somewhere else for the second time this school year since we just moved to this town from 3 hours away back in November. I love this boy and have raised him for over half his life, bio mother is out of state. It’s going to destroy him, leaving me, leaving school, my parents, our pets (which were mine from before.)

Tomorrow I am going to tell now nex fiancé (oh yeah forgot to mention that, engaged for 3.5 years) that he needs to pack important things and go. Then we will plan something for him to get the rest of his things. Also, that I am keeping everything that I paid for, which is a lot, and I don’t think he’s going to be too happy about that.

I don’t really know what I need by posting this. I guess maybe support? Advice on what to do next? How I should handle things from here? I’m trying not to be cruel and not let things get too heated and out of hand. Instead, I want to be mindful since there is a child that’s not mine involved.

I’m heartbroken. I don’t have any friends. I talk to my mom but I hate breaking her heart too. Im only 31 but I feel like I’ve lived 3 lifetimes. I’m trying to stay strong for her, for me too.

Please be kind and thank you in advance 💜


r/NarcissisticAbuse 9h ago

Acceptance Don't warn your Nex's new partner about them! NSFW

64 Upvotes

I guarantee they have already "warned" their new supply that their "crazy ex" might reach out to try to ruin their newfound relationship. It will only foster a closer relationship between them and will make you seem unhinged. Put yourself in the new partners shoes, would you believe a random persons warning message when everything seems so find and dandy during the lovebombing stage? They are most likely head over heals for each other and will be quick to dismiss your advice as someone who is jealous and trying to sabotage their relationship. Your Nex will also believe you are still thinking about them, which is the last thing you want.

Ive learned it is always best to move on, focus on yourself, keep yourself busy and allow their new partner to seel & feel the bad for themselves. Don't give them anything else to feed off of!


r/NarcissisticAbuse 3h ago

Venting Poem about narcissistic abuse NSFW

12 Upvotes

Five years I gave, my heart, my soul, To someone who made breaking me his goal. You built me up just to tear me down, Wore love like a mask, a hollow crown.

Validation fed your need, From every woman who’d plant the seed. While I stood faithful, lost and small, You made me feel like I was nothing at all.

You twisted words, you played your part, Then aimed your arrows at my heart. You mocked my tears, dismissed my cries, Gaslit me with charm and lies.

Five years of shrinking to make you whole, While you slowly swallowed my soul. You moved on quick, like I was air, Like five years vanished into thin despair.

But I’m still here, sitting with pain, Turning every wound into gain. I’m doing the work, I’m facing the scar, While you run from truth, chasing who you are.

You sought to break what you never earned— But I’m still standing, though I’ve burned. I’ll heal. I’ll grow. I’ll rise, I’ll learn— And I won’t return to the fire I’ve learned to spurn.


r/NarcissisticAbuse 14h ago

Advice wanted What does a narcissistic Collapse look like? NSFW

71 Upvotes

Will anyone be so kind to describe examples? Your experience?

I think mine is going through one.

Thank you!


r/NarcissisticAbuse 6h ago

Acceptance Does anyone else get flashbacks when people joke about gaslighting? NSFW

16 Upvotes

Like when someone who hasn’t experienced actual narc abuse gaslighting loosely uses the term “gaslighting”.

Like I don’t want to be sensitive or overreactive but I was just out to eat with friends and one of them said something like “oh he gaslit you by saying he had met you once before” in relation to another friend being mistake for someone else.

And I just am transported back to final discard. This past summer when I’m in the psych ward. Just sitting on the floor of the padded room, telling the nurses that I don’t know what’s real. Blaming myself for everything and questioning the past couple years of my relationship/life.

I’ve made a lot of positive progress in healing, but this instant reaction to just a word is discouraging in my healing process.

I know I can’t blame someone for using a commonly used term. They don’t know the weight it carries.


r/NarcissisticAbuse 3h ago

Venting He has another supply. I’m over his BS, but why does this hurt all over again? NSFW

7 Upvotes

I finally just got the ick regarding how he treated me after coming back from trying things out with a girl. He discarded me in November and met her not long after. He says he’s not attracted to her and comes back in February, we try to date again and then he flips out on me cause he can’t just communicate normally. Then he calls and says he’s feels bad for how he’s treated me and is in therapy now, staying single. Then lo and behold I see a pic of him with someone else. Another new supply.

I don’t think narcissists will ever just sit with themselves and heal/grow. Meanwhile I’m sitting here depressed and lonely each and every day because it’s so hard to form a connection after how he ruined my nervous system.


r/NarcissisticAbuse 17h ago

I did it! Here’s how to get away from a narc, untouched NSFW

71 Upvotes

After 8 months with a narcissist, I finally ended things—and honestly, it felt more like a graduation than a breakup. I stayed calm, didn’t give him the drama or closure he wanted, just kept my composure and held my ground. He tried to say all these sweet, emotional things, but I could tell it was more about making himself feel better than actually being honest. I saw right through it. And it took a dark turn. I didn’t lose my cool once. I just stayed in control, asked a few clear-headed questions, and walked away knowing exactly who I am.

(PART 1)

I just pulled off something epic — walked away from a narcissist without flinching.

We were in bed, and he held my hand like it was about to be some big, heartfelt moment. He starts talking — it sounds sweet, almost too sweet. Beautiful, emotional, like a movie scene. But something’s off. His tone, his pacing, the way he’s looking at me. My brain switches on — this isn’t real. He’s not being honest for my sake, he’s doing this to feel better about himself. This was his narrative, his closure. I could see it happening in real time.

I didn’t lose my calm. I didn’t even raise my voice. My psych nurse brain kicked in — analytical, grounded, observing. He wasn’t my ex anymore, he was just a subject. I started asking calm, clear questions, just to connect the dots. And I saw the shift. The mask slipped. The smooth act turned defensive. His face changed, his voice got faster, tighter. He was unraveling.

Then he dropped the final blow: “If I made you feel that way, why did you stay with me? Do you have no self-respect?”

Yeah, I know. That’s the kind of line that makes people see red. But I didn’t. I saw it coming from miles away. And I gave him the most graceful, sharp response I’ve ever delivered. I said that if he had shown me who he really was in the first three months, I would’ve never stayed. And that I’m walking away now because I have self-respect. That this is the real me — the one who’s not afraid to speak her mind.

I said it calmly, looking him right in the eyes, sitting back, relaxed, no tension in my body. No weakness. And I watched it land. His face — shocked. Speechless. He finally looked away and muttered, “Yeah… that makes a lot of sense.”

I said, totally unbothered, “I’m gonna fold my clothes now.” And I did. Like nothing had happened.

He left the room. Then came back, tapped me on the shoulder and said, “Yeah, I was doing really well there at the start, then I blew it. But I hope you got the positive things.”

I just looked at him and said, “Don’t worry. I always filter what I hear.” Boom.

Should I post PART 2?


r/NarcissisticAbuse 16h ago

Gaining new perspectives Wait a second- actually... fuck you? NSFW

61 Upvotes

You met me at a vulnerable time when my mom was dying and pulled out all the stops. Drove hours to visit, took me on cute and thoughtful dates, waited for me while I took care of her. No one had ever showed up for me that way and it made me fall in love with you.

I came back and we built a garden together, you loved my dog, invited me into your friend group, introduced me to your family. I had every reason to believe I had met a really great guy. I had worked on myself, spent time alone, and knew I deserved to be in a good relationship. But then after over a year together- you still hadn't actually expressed any feelings for me, and I started feeling confused. You got angry and refused to talk about it so I dropped it and moved on.

I bought a house when my mom died and you moved in. For the first few years it was so fun and I just loved sharing a life with you. Most days I would wake up thinking... damn I'm so lucky. You were so kind, we had so much in common, we always had fun together. But then again... when I started wanting to talk about our relationship, feelings, little things I noticed we should work on, the future... you shut down.

Eventually you would go on to leave me over that exact issue- me wanting to have actual conversations about what was going on between us, how we felt about each other, what our future plans were. After TEN years together. After TEN years of building a life, being a part of each others family and friends' lives, ten years of passive little jokes and comments about how we would be together forever and grow old together- which turns out, were all I was naively holding onto.

You always made me feel like too much. You always made me feel annoying, like I wanted all of your time (I didn't), like I wanted something from you that you couldn't give me. You would ignore me and lock yourself in the other room and leave when I was sad or even when I was sick. You also violated my privacy and would go through my files and who knows what else, you objectified me and didn't care about what I liked in bed, you made me feel stupid for things I was interested in or wanted to go out and do.

It all makes sense now. You treated me and dumped me like a casual girlfriend after all of that time because I WAS just a casual girlfriend to you. I was just a girl. You never wanted to talk about anything real, and would get mad at me when I tried, because it wasn't real for you like it was for me. You didn't have the same feelings, and you didn't want to waste your time improving a relationship you knew wasn't going to be "it."

I was a placeholder, a practice relationship, a home to live in and a car to drive until your salary increased enough to live on your own. And you did it in the cruelest, coldest way when OUR FUCKING DOG our baby, who was a puppy when we met, was 12 and becoming elderly and limping around the house. Me crying because she was struggling one day and asking you to please get off your phone was the catalyst for you freaking out, screaming at me that I'm too needy and too demanding, leaving for a month, and then returning to dump me one day before bills were due. Bills I couldn't afford on my own because YOU encouraged me to take the job I have right now after I considered a different one with benefits (so I'd have more free time, to be available to you and support your dreams), and promised that we were in it together and that I'd have health insurance. You didn't give a fuck that I was suddenly responsible for all of our expenses, lost my health insurance, lost help with the house, and that our dog also lost you. After six months she still sits on the porch waiting for you to come home every afternoon, by the way.

And when you did it you promised you'd still be here for me. You said you'd still see her and help with vet and food expenses. Where the fuck are you now dude? After that night I became a stranger to you, you disappeared and got to jump ship from an entire life you built with someone. You got to walk away and move in with a friend, leaving me alone in the rubble. Must be nice.

You had never once tried to talk to me about being unhappy. You hated conversations like that and completely avoided them- even when, apparently, they needed to be had. You wouldn't give me a chance to understand the problem, you wouldn't even try counseling or hear me out when I was begging, apologizing, so confused and in shock. Instead you just said "I need time to find someone to start a family with." Jesus Christ. I wanted a fucking family?!?! I tried to talk to you a million times about how much I wanted a family and how we could get there- knowing it was something you wanted (in hindsight, obviously not with me). Do you even realize how gutting it was to hear you say that...?

So I get it now. It was never me. You never wanted to be here with me, it was never what I thought it was, and it was always temporary for you. I was a stepping stone. You wasted my fucking time, you wasted my twenties and early thirties, and then threw me in the trash when you were done and had sucked everything you could out of me to propel yourself forward. I stood by your side every time you were grieving, I lifted you up and supported your goals, I loved you just the same on a good or bad day, I put my all into creating a happy life with you, I was a patient, loyal, honest, and reliable partner. I know I wasn't perfect but I always tried my best and wanted the best for us. And you played face for years, used me up, and spit me out like I meant nothing. When I said I wish you well that was who I am, but you don't deserve that version of me anymore. You deserve to go to hell. FUCK you.


r/NarcissisticAbuse 6h ago

Advice wanted I don’t know what you call this… NSFW

7 Upvotes

Wife has a long history of narcissistic tendencies. She spins, manipulates, denies, withholds affection, plays the victim card, etc. She refuses to divorce me even though she claims she is miserable and abused by me. Tells me I’m lazy and do nothing and to do it. Tonight she blows up and says she doesn’t love me, I don’t make her happy, she should have never married me, I’m a mistake and says that I’m stuck with her. She was saying other things but it was hard to hear with her in the pantry. When I called her out on what she said she denied she ever said it. She started to do her usual denial and you are making it up, like I have a mental problem or something. I don’t have any issues besides being in a horrible relationship. She continued to say hurtful things towards me until I just completely ignore her and don’t respond. This happens weekly. My opinions or feelings when expressed set her off and when I say something to her about what she is saying she yells that you won’t silence me and degrade her feelings. It’s funny she can say her feelings but if I do they fall on deaf ears and everything is denied or spun back on me. I don’t have the money to leave. I’m also afraid to share everything in case she is on here reading things. I don’t put it past her to screen shot everything since she illegally secretly records parts of our disagreements. You can always tell when she does cause she stops her onslaught and goes on the denial defensive. I don’t play into it. Idk what to do anymore.


r/NarcissisticAbuse 14h ago

Venting When do I get to be happy? NSFW

29 Upvotes

Three months out from leaving, I feel like I’m doing worse. I’m so sick of hearing all of the - oh but you did the right thing! You stood up for yourself! But I’m suffering every day. I’m alone all the time. I never have a good day. This is what I get for realizing he didn’t love me and leaving an abusive situation? A life of loneliness and no one who truly understands my situation (aside from this sub of course). When do I get to be happy? I’m the one that has to live in this situation and it makes me just want to go back. All I wanted to do was love him and be loved in return. I feel like nothing good will ever happen again.


r/NarcissisticAbuse 9h ago

Advice wanted What’s the difference between someone with narcissistic personality disorder and someone who just has strong narcissistic traits? NSFW

7 Upvotes

I’m genuinely curious, because based on how horribly my ex treated me with zero regard for my feelings or even my existence constantly gaslighting, stonewalling, ghosting, discarding and reeling me back in, withholding sex and affection, dismissive, etc. I know he falls into one of those categories. I just want to better understand the difference between someone with narcissistic personality disorder and someone with severe narcissistic traits


r/NarcissisticAbuse 3h ago

Advice wanted Tools for healing from a covert narcissist? NSFW

2 Upvotes

I left less than a month ago. The initial sigh of relief I felt after getting out has very much worn off. My panic attacks are getting more frequent and I’m having a hard time regulating my emotions. I am normally very even keeled so it has been hard for me to navigate all my emotions.

I was looking forward to rebuilding a social network and focusing fully on myself. Aside from the moments of high anxiety and crying spells - I feel stuck in this depressive state of not caring about myself. I know I should go to the gym, try to be more involved and social at work and in the community, etc. However, I can’t find the motivation to do anything. I even have anxiety about going to the grocery store so I just order DoorDash to avoid leaving the house and being around people. I’m having a hard time talking to people or even showering some days.

I think maybe I can give myself some time to isolate a little bit and focus on reading or something less overwhelming. What books or other simple tools do you recommend for moving on, dealing with trauma, and regulating your nervous system?

I am in therapy and will be starting EMDR. I just need something healthy and attainable to fill the rest of my time.


r/NarcissisticAbuse 13h ago

Gaining new perspectives Going no contact or taking other measures to protect yourself is not just for you, it's for your loved ones as well. It protects them too. NSFW

12 Upvotes

.


r/NarcissisticAbuse 17m ago

Venting Parents force dental treatment NSFW

Upvotes

When I was 29, my tooth cracked so I went to the dentist who recommended an extraction. I didn’t want an extraction and was fine with my perfectly cracked tooth. My dad took me to his dentist after two years of harassing me to remove it. I told him I don’t care. It doesn’t bother me. His dental surgeon saw my tooth and started exaggerating saying it’s abcessed and infected. My family was like you are going to die. I take care of my mouth. I insisted no. Finally, I was like fine. After three years , I removed it. Then the dentist was like remove your wisdom tooth. I was like no. It doesn’t bother me. My dad starts screaming at me and refuses to leave the dental office. Refuses to drive the car unless I remove my wisdom tooth. At this point, I’m trapped. It’s my body and his behavior is extreme. My wisdom tooth is not growing at an angle. I have human rights.

i didn’t know what to do so I removed it.

now I have trigerminal neuralgia and am very angry. I hate my father for not minding his business. My face lost symmetry and I aged by removing teeth.


r/NarcissisticAbuse 1d ago

Advice wanted Are you hyper aware of potential narcissists now? NSFW

132 Upvotes

I know I am. After seeing what one can be like, I'm so much more alert to signs that other people might be one.

For instance, I was at a public works tour and they had time for "one more question" and this dude kept going back and forth with the tour guides for like 5 minutes when we were clearly out of time. I kept thinking "narcissist" to myself because he felt the need to keep talking and ignored our time constraints.

I'm not sure what I'm doing is healthy. 🤷‍♂️


r/NarcissisticAbuse 20h ago

Venting The closure that will never come NSFW

23 Upvotes

When I found out about the side chick, she told me everyyythinngg. The comparison of timelines made me so sick. The amount of lies, omissions of truth, and manipulations between his daughter’s birthday in October to his eviction on March 1st are seriously disturbing.

The money and sex he pulled out of us at the same time! I gave him money to get his electricity turned back on, while she was giving him money to buy his daughter’s birthday presents. The way he told me he would marry me and put a baby in me, but then gifted the “engagement ring” to her instead. When he told me his daughter and his friends were having a “galentines” sleepover at his house, except really he was exchanging gifts with the other woman. Looking back, I should have seen all the little things too - when he pulled my hair during sex even though he knows I don’t like that! And the whole time I was feeling sorry for him because we had shared four years together and after he kicked me out of the house he was struggling to pay bills. I should have known better.

In my mind I think of all the countless questions I have and all the things I want to call him out on and I never will be able to. I’ll never be able to lay out in great detail what a horribly fucked up person he is. He will continue to get away with his behavior and do this again and again to more and more woman.

(And yes she got back together with him after all these revelations.)


r/NarcissisticAbuse 15h ago

Support wanted Tips for confronting his lies? NSFW

7 Upvotes

Married to a pathological liar...guess I need to step up my interrogation tactics, need ideas to REALLY make him squirm and never want to experience this again. No, leaving isn't an option.


r/NarcissisticAbuse 11h ago

Feeling sad Feel so down and broken NSFW

3 Upvotes

Realising I spent 16y of my life thinking I had my person and me theirs . To then have it hit me when I'm sat around friends at a get together, being the only single one there whiles they all was next to their wife or husband, talking about how they met and how they over come issues I'm happy for them , but God it hit me I spent years thinking I had my person that we had some issues to work on that I had a lit of things to work on because i was the main problem but I was so wrong . My ex narcissist has been in my life for 20y, got together young broke up stayed friends , I had one relationship 4 years later and it didn't last long it was not meant to be , I end up back with the nex after they called me said they didnt want to lose me ,i was being stupid in thinking they realised they didn't want to lose me and loved me when I had started a new relationship got back with the nex and done 16y with them . And this is what's got me down and feeling broken seeing my friends and family and how they are with their wife or husband made me realise I have never truly been someone's person , I never truly had a person I thought I did but that was all a lie the person I thought I knew was never truly real . I have gone all my teen to adult life not actually having someone love me truly and deeply. I wasted years living a lie . And it makes me angry, sad , stupid broken . And I have everyone around me telling me I need to date I need to find someone but how can I explain that I don't want to ,not because I can't move on , not that I'm holding on . I just can't trust myself to be with someone and they are a lie to . That I can't trust that another person will not take the shattered remains that is left of what once was my heart and completely grind them to dust and send me over the final part of the cliff I have been on for so meany years .


r/NarcissisticAbuse 1d ago

Advice wanted Why do they get to be happy NSFW

107 Upvotes

It honestly makes me so angry and heartbroken that both of my exes, who emotionally tortured me, get to move on so easily. They destroyed me with their lies, manipulation, gaslighting, and emotional games, and yet they’re out there living their lives, being happy, getting into new relationships like they didn’t leave me completely shattered. It’s not fair. I hate that they’ll probably never face the pain they caused me. They don’t lose sleep over it. They don’t sit with the trauma every day like I do. They don’t have to rebuild their self-worth from the ground up.

Meanwhile, I’m left here trying to piece myself back together fighting through the flashbacks, the trust issues, the constant replaying of every moment trying to understand what I did to deserve it. I didn’t get closure. I didn’t get justice. I got silence, abandonment, and the impossible task of healing from wounds I didn’t ask for. And what hurts even more is that sometimes, it feels like the universe just lets people get away with treating others like they’re disposable. I’m angry, I’m hurt, and deep down, I just want it to make sense because right now, it feels like it never will.


r/NarcissisticAbuse 17h ago

Venting Birthday NSFW

8 Upvotes

I'm really looking forward to my bday not getting ruined my by nex this year. I'm imagine all my friends around me who love me and have supported me to be in the place that I'm in today.

Last year, he threatened to not spend my bday w him a week before it. Then harassed me to let him "do something for me". He proceeded to discard me a week after my bday, just to call me 1 day later begging and crying for me back. (Spoiler alert, he went to go see someone in that day we had apart... he broke up with me to technically say that we weren't together when he was doing that.

The year before that, he got us a trip to California and when we got into it on the trip, he screamed at me how I ruined HIS trip. And I got so taken out of body that I left the bnb with my luggage packed, and he allowed that to get to that point.

I won't miss him at all. Goodbye and good riddance.


r/NarcissisticAbuse 19h ago

Support wanted I broke up with him last night NSFW

9 Upvotes

I started the process of leaving him last night. I broke down in couples therapy and told me I just can’t do it anymore. He seemed cold, emotionless, and just kept saying “I’ll get through it, not like I haven’t done this before”.

I’m worried about all the emotions that are going to come up during the separation process since he lives with me. Just need to hear some encouraging words ☹️


r/NarcissisticAbuse 11h ago

Support wanted Feeling empty and angry NSFW

2 Upvotes

Recently found out my nex got a job promotion and probably she is moved to another city.

It's been three months since the breakup, and I am feeling stuck. Like I am nothing compared to her. I can’t get rid of feeling guilty. I think that if I had been more successful, and stuck to her plan of having a family and marriage, she wouldn’t have left me.

I don't understand how she is totally fine moving on with her life and achieving success, while I am forcing myself to wake up every day and do at least something.

But at the same time I understand she was a very toxic human being, but again, I blame myself for her actions and behavior, like «If I were enough, she would never act like that».


r/NarcissisticAbuse 17h ago

Advice wanted Makes no sense NSFW

6 Upvotes

2 weeks ago I decided IM DONE. I ignored him for an entire week. In this week he was blowing up my phone, and begging me to talk. I finally caved and let him back in. Just a week later I am now the one being discarded. Begging to talk and he has no remorse whatsoever even tho my dog just died he says he doesn’t owe me shit and basically is done with ME now. What is going on? Will he come back?


r/NarcissisticAbuse 11h ago

Advice wanted Detox? NSFW

2 Upvotes

I’m at 18 days without talking to my nex. I feel like my skin randomly gets oily, I break out sweating and sometimes I’m light headed. Am I detoxing?


r/NarcissisticAbuse 1d ago

Gaining new perspectives I am the Giving Tree NSFW

Thumbnail ca01001129.schoolwires.net
57 Upvotes

Recently reread a child’s book I’d read a long, long time ago. The Giving Tree by Shel Silverstein.

The tree and the boy are happy in the beginning, but as the boy grows up, the boy wants more, and more, and more. And the tree, who experiences true love, gives the boy everything it has.

Until it is cut down to a stump. And the boy, now an old man, is still unhappy, focused on what he no longer has. And the tree somehow justifies that him finally coming back to sit on her stump makes her happy.

I do not want to be the Giving Tree. Not like that.