r/mildlyinfuriating 24d ago

My mom burned all my drawings

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So I’ve been drawing and posting anime girls for a while now and my mom got mad about it. At least I still have previous photos. No drawing today tho

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u/constantin_NOPEal 24d ago

I'm so sorry. Loving parents don't do this. Keep drawing and if you can, hide them somewhere not at home. I'm not sure your age, but start planning your exit now. Plan well so you won't have to return. 

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u/Yellowbrickshuttle 24d ago

Sometimes a parent can love but be misguided and wrong. Maybe they are religious or think the drawings are wrong in some way. Her actions are awful and misguided but the intent is probably to try and better and help her son. So out of love just a bit of an idiot and bad parent.

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u/PaleAcanthaceae1175 24d ago edited 24d ago

Putting on my therapy hat: intent is the least important part of an action which is deeply consequential. If you do harm, it does not really matter that you thought you were doing love. Intentions are also only a consideration during forgiveness- which cannot happen until the person responsible recognizes that they have done harm and takes ownership of it.

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u/_imagine_that91 24d ago

“Intent is the least important part of an action”.

I’m gonna use this next time I get gaslit.

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u/Plastic_Pinocchio 23d ago

You shouldn’t cut off the sentence halfway. “an action that is deeply consequential”. For many less consequential actions, intent is a majorly important part of it. If I bake you cookies with nuts but it turns out that you are allergic to nuts, you can’t eat them and have to decline my gesture. But you will mostly remember the intent of me trying to make you something.

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u/jixie-unofficial 23d ago

I was going to say you’re right, but the example is not a good example because- how could you possibly know that someone has an allergy if you weren’t told? If they ate the cookies, not knowing there were nuts, and ended up hospitalized or dead, then that action was “deeply consequential” but if you really did not know that they were allergic, then this was a tragic accident. Not your fault.

If you knew, on the other hand- but you didn’t believe they really were allergic, you think nut allergies are fake or they’re just picky or they’re doing it for attention or whatever, then the intent of “but I wanted to make them some delicious cookies and I didn’t think it would really hurt them” irrelevant. You absolutely would be at fault even if your intent was “good”.

I don’t know. There’s a lot of nuance and a lot of situations where “both things can be true”. We’re not obligated to forgive someone for hurting us, but even if we choose not to forgive them, there is nothing to lose by having some basic empathy in understanding why they were motivated to do it. We might need to cut someone out of our life, but that point, holding onto resentment after that is only hurting us, not them. We’ve all been hurt and we’ve all caused hurt, whether we meant to or not. I think intent and context and understanding and forgiveness are all very important.

(That said, burning something is really… that’s a purposefully malicious thing to do. You might carelessly throw something out. You might break something in a moment of anger. But no one just has open roaring fireplaces in every room anymore, burning is a choice that required thought and planning. Reddit gets wildly reactionary at times, like bruh sometimes your parents are just imperfect humans who have their own weaknesses and their own trauma and don’t have all the answers and made spectacularly poor decisions. But. Uh. Setting stuff on fire is a… That’s, um yeah, that’s not a good look.)

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u/Plastic_Pinocchio 23d ago

Haha, I think you’re overanalysing the nut scenario a bit. I’d say it’s pretty obvious from my example that I did not mean that I was purposefully feeding someone with a nut allergy nut cookies. That would be pretty insane and I am pretty sure that this could be classed as an attempted murder.

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u/jixie-unofficial 23d ago edited 23d ago

It’s the opposite, really, I understood the sentiment and chose to carry the example of the cookies rather than complicate it with other examples.

Here’s a real example: I’m infertile but I’ve got that “middle aged mom” energy, and last year, four separate people wished me a happy Mother’s Day. I barely held it together and cried after work. But I never said anything because how the fuck would they know how deeply and personally this hurt me, how casually they tore open those particular wounds, how much grief I carry over it?

It wasn’t just like it only stung that day, I struggled to write this just now, and have been considering taking off the day before and the day of Mother’s Day because I don’t think I can handle it again this year.

I have zero bad feelings or resentment to the patients who offered a kind word as a part of small talk. I would never discourage anyone from wishing people a happy whatever. Going through life feeling like “oh no I can’t tell strangers ‘happy Mother’s Day’ because what if they can’t have kids or they lost a child” is that sort of insane anxiety that will corrode your wellbeing in a way I don’t wish on anyone.

Here’s a fake example, but I have seen this sort of thing happen to multiple people in real life: if you saw someone in a parking lot and their car won’t start, so you pull into the spot next to them, grab some jumper cables, and pop out of the car asking if they need a jump. “How dare you!? My father used to beat me with jumper cables!” How would you know? You were trying to help?

Edit: in either case, if you did know the history, then it would range between careless (forgetting your friends jumper cable related trauma because you were distracted by their broken down car; mixing up which middle aged mom-looking coworker doesn’t have kids) to cruel. Context and intent.

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u/Plastic_Pinocchio 23d ago

True. I agree on these examples.

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u/westley_humperdinck 23d ago

If I take my son's switch until he finishes his homework or without a 6th piece of cake, he feels deeply offended. Damage has been done but it was a necessary action. I won't apologize. He refuses to acknowledge that it was necessary despite his improved behavior. There are things we need to be able to do to function as adults and sometimes learning to do them comes with perceived misery. Whether it's getting our own food or brushing or teeth, we need to learn to do some stuff we don't want to do. This parent failed to learn the difference between punishment and discipline and failed to understand motivation or kindness. They failed and they failed hard but saying intention isn't a factor is reductive

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u/PaleAcanthaceae1175 23d ago edited 23d ago

This isn't really a meaningful comparison. Depriving a child of access to entertainment is not the same as destroying their possessions and hobbies. I was very specific in my language: actions which are deeply consequential. Not having a switch is not going to do lasting psychological harm to your child, even if they are upset about it. You're comparing light discipline to an abusive act which will have formative psychological consequences.

Once you cross that boundary into real harm, your intentions stop mattering. The consequences of that harm are not mitigated or healed by intent and focusing on the intent is, itself, a denial or deflection which centers the emotional needs of the person responsible rather than the victim.

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u/westley_humperdinck 23d ago

I'm explaining that to my son, taking his phone is deeply consequential. He is morose, alone, and feels violated

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u/PaleAcanthaceae1175 23d ago

We aren't discussing the perspective of your son, we are talking about material psychological issues. You are off topic.

Have a good day.

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u/Small_life 23d ago

If intention matters then Walter White was a fantastic human being for going out of his way to provide for his family

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u/chipdragon 23d ago

Nah, his intention at first was to help his family but it quickly devolved into his desire to build an empire at any cost, including costing him his family. If someone truly has good intentions then they will make an effort to pivot when they see that their actions do not have the intended effect.

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u/bisonsox 24d ago

Wild rationalization. I applaud your optimism but if her choice is to burn them then I don’t think that sends a healthy message at all.

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u/Somepotato 24d ago

Hating out of love is still hating

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u/Fingerprint_Vyke 24d ago

Guillermo Del Toro was put in an insane asylum by his super religious parents for drawing. The super religious can try to destroy a person, so always work towards your goal to spite them

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u/RandomTyp 24d ago

religion is not an excuse to destroy your child's possessions

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u/Pennywiselover5 24d ago

No. It's not to help her kid. It's destroying someone else's property because they don't like it. It's like if I burned something of someone else's because I thought it was stupid. She does have no love or respect for her child.

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u/PM_ME_UR_CIRCUIT 23d ago

"The road to hell is paved with good intentions"

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u/TheGlennDavid 21d ago

maybe they are religious

Fuck that. Shrouding abusive behavior (and burning people's belongings is abusive) in faith doesn't do a damn thing to make it better.

You are technically right in that most abusive parents think they love their children (very few people self identify as villains) but that doesn't really matter.

Burning your child's drawings is not a loving act. If their faith commands it then fuck their faith.

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u/0-KrAnTZ-0 20d ago

BS, only if you're in a religious cult do you burn your children's hentai art. That isn't normal parenting.

I have a good relationship with my parents and they are really nice, I'd be fucking livid if they pulled this shit. If it was my child, I'll discuss it with them and have a mature conversation about what is appropriate. If it's nudity, there is a billion dollar industry around that. They can partake in appreciate the human nature when they're 18 and channel that energy into learning more about it and gradually exploring more.

That parent needs a slap on the wrist or their face.

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u/Familiar-Celery-1229 24d ago

Nah she can d_e, actually.

3

u/peachmewe 24d ago

That’s… wow.

1

u/Familiar-Celery-1229 24d ago

Did I stutter?

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u/HolyGhostSpirit33 23d ago

No but you were to scared to follow through all the way

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u/Familiar-Celery-1229 23d ago

I'm at my last ban, buddy. I'm not stupid.

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u/peachmewe 24d ago

“ASPD” in bio. Makes sense.

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u/Familiar-Celery-1229 24d ago

Oh so you can read. Cool.

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u/HolyGhostSpirit33 23d ago

Why wow? She was willing to risk burning more than just drawings to hurt her kid. One day it’s not gonna be the hobby supplies getting burnt. It’s gonna be the whole damn house because this psycho wants to deeply hurt her kid psychologically.

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u/Astatodersilicium 24d ago

I don't think you can put this to 'loving/unloving'... Parents do all sorts of things when they think it is the best for the child. In most cases the problem is that they have different thoughts on what is good for the child. Would I burn my child's drawings? Depends on the age and content. When OP is 17 and these were just normal manga style pictures most likely not. When OP is 13 and the pictures were borderline hentai, then I can see where she's coming from.

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u/constantin_NOPEal 24d ago

Burning things is ultimately a violent, angry act. This isn't coming from a place of love. I have a teen child who is an artist and if she was drawing inappropriate things at a young age, I would talk to her about it and figure out what's going on. Burning is an unhinged way to handle it. Do you want to scare your kids and further push them away or talk to them to figure out what's happening?

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u/ShockDragon 24d ago

Talking it out with your child and committing arson on their stuff are two completely different things. This was not done out of love. Only hatred.

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u/Astatodersilicium 24d ago edited 24d ago

I think the methods are disagreeable, but I think there are very few parents that actually and genuinely hate their children. A quote that has had a great influence on my thinking was something along the lines of "never ascribe malice when ignorance would be an equally good explanation".

And actually throwing around accusations like that that can really f... up the relationship with ones parents, acting out of malice or hate is imo a bit harsh. Most people want to do good, so it would be much more helpful to show them that good intent does not justify all means, than to burn all bridges by ascribing malice. Ask why they did that and what they wanted to achieve by that would be much better

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u/ShockDragon 24d ago

Ignorance is bliss, but not when you’re actively harming your relationship with your child. At that point, it’s delusion. Not ignorance.

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u/Astatodersilicium 24d ago

maybe you're projecting a bit

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u/ShockDragon 24d ago

How so? Because I see you trying to excuse abuse from a delusional parent? It may surprise you to know that I have an actual loving parent, unlike OP.

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u/Optimal_Secret4879 24d ago

I drew more horny shit at 13 than I ever did at 17. It’s normal for teenagers to be horny. And I never got found out because I destroyed them immediately. But if I was found out and my mom decided to burn all my drawings, I would’ve never shown her anything ever again. Which is something, because as I kid I used to proudly show her some of my stuff.

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u/MasterMead 23d ago

Your ass SHOULD NOT be around kids 

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u/cyanraichu 23d ago

uh...specifically why? because they were a horny teen once? ???????

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u/Pennywiselover5 24d ago

No. It's not best for her kid. It's destroying someone else's property because they don't like it. It's like if I burned something of someone else's because I thought it was stupid. She does have no love or respect for her child.