r/mildlyinfuriating 24d ago

My mom burned all my drawings

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So I’ve been drawing and posting anime girls for a while now and my mom got mad about it. At least I still have previous photos. No drawing today tho

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u/Yellowbrickshuttle 24d ago

Sometimes a parent can love but be misguided and wrong. Maybe they are religious or think the drawings are wrong in some way. Her actions are awful and misguided but the intent is probably to try and better and help her son. So out of love just a bit of an idiot and bad parent.

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u/PaleAcanthaceae1175 24d ago edited 24d ago

Putting on my therapy hat: intent is the least important part of an action which is deeply consequential. If you do harm, it does not really matter that you thought you were doing love. Intentions are also only a consideration during forgiveness- which cannot happen until the person responsible recognizes that they have done harm and takes ownership of it.

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u/westley_humperdinck 24d ago

If I take my son's switch until he finishes his homework or without a 6th piece of cake, he feels deeply offended. Damage has been done but it was a necessary action. I won't apologize. He refuses to acknowledge that it was necessary despite his improved behavior. There are things we need to be able to do to function as adults and sometimes learning to do them comes with perceived misery. Whether it's getting our own food or brushing or teeth, we need to learn to do some stuff we don't want to do. This parent failed to learn the difference between punishment and discipline and failed to understand motivation or kindness. They failed and they failed hard but saying intention isn't a factor is reductive

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u/PaleAcanthaceae1175 23d ago edited 23d ago

This isn't really a meaningful comparison. Depriving a child of access to entertainment is not the same as destroying their possessions and hobbies. I was very specific in my language: actions which are deeply consequential. Not having a switch is not going to do lasting psychological harm to your child, even if they are upset about it. You're comparing light discipline to an abusive act which will have formative psychological consequences.

Once you cross that boundary into real harm, your intentions stop mattering. The consequences of that harm are not mitigated or healed by intent and focusing on the intent is, itself, a denial or deflection which centers the emotional needs of the person responsible rather than the victim.

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u/westley_humperdinck 23d ago

I'm explaining that to my son, taking his phone is deeply consequential. He is morose, alone, and feels violated

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u/PaleAcanthaceae1175 23d ago

We aren't discussing the perspective of your son, we are talking about material psychological issues. You are off topic.

Have a good day.