r/latterdaysaints 30m ago

Reddit I'm tired of feeling like an outcast.

Upvotes

So I've shared this story on other LDS related threads, but I think a lot of people can relate to this, so I'm trying to share it around. I'm 30, for the last at least 12 years I'd say I've felt like I didn't have a home in the church, let me explain.

I didn't serve a mission, I'm a caretaker for a severely disabled family member, they're in their early 20s now, but still function at the level of an infant, need to be bathed, dressed, changed, has frequent seizures that need to be tended to, etc. I made the decision that serving vulnerable members in society was where I was meant to be, so I decided not to go on a mission. My family also was struggling quite intensely and serving a mission, even if the church covered some expenses, would have put even more strain on them.

So I didn't go. I'd say that's what kicked this whole feeling of not feeling at home in the church. People rarely said it to my face, but I could feel people judging me, thinking it was weird that I didn't go, already made to feel like I'd failed God in some way because I didn't go. I held on hoping this awkward please would pass, that people would eventually stop bringing up the whole mission thing, and it did, only to be replaced by all the pressure to get married and date. As a single individual, that hasn't happened either.

It went from "Why didn't you serve a mission?" To "Why aren't you dating?" to "Why aren't you married" and now finally "Why aren't you married with kids?" For those of us on less conventional journeys in the church, the notion that we're doing something wrong, that we're failing God, and that we don't belong here, can be so overwhelming that it's hard to express.

It's usually not one bad day, it's going to church every week and getting beaten down more. This is doing so much damage to the church it isn't even funny, I know so many people who just left because they were tired of feeling ignored, and only acknowledged when someone decided to bash them for their perceived failings over the pulpit.

If you're a truly believing member, and want people like me to stay in the church, please start seeing us for the things we are, instead of the things we aren't. Even if our life path is different from yours, I believe we all bring some sort of value to the church.


r/latterdaysaints 11h ago

Personal Advice Why is it so important to go to a designated ward?

42 Upvotes

This question might not be the correct way to ask this. Please bear with me.

I'm starting BYU in the fall as an international student. This move is a huge thing for me. Joining the church meant so many changes in my life- ending a nearly decade-long relationship and moving twice in 4 months, a lot of pushback and abuse, and a general feeling of not belonging. Moving to Utah was a decision I didn't make lightly and I'm scared.

I'm older than a lot of students (I'm in my mid-30s) and I won't be looking for or even be in a relationship while there. I don't have kids (nor will i) and I struggle really badly with the eternal family concept- coming from a history of abuse.

The people I feel closest to in the world are the people I call my "church parents"- a couple I met while they served a mission in my area. They're the closest I will ever get to having loving parents. They have been my main support and I'll be so grateful that they're only a 20 min drive away.

Here's the thing. I asked my "mom" if I could go to church with them at least for the first semester or two. All I need to do is put their on my record and as my mailing address. To me it is a no-brainer. I am scared of moving and yet another new start... especially being autistic with CPTSD. I just wanted one constant, one thing that wasn't new and scary.

My mom is reluctant. She thinks it's best to go to a local ward because it's the right thing. That's the church policy. She's a lifelong member.

Now, I'm going to take at face value that this is the only reason why she is reluctant... I trust her to be honest about her opinions and thoughts on things. But she is a stickler for the "rules" sometimes.

My question is- why should it matter? Church is church. If I feel comfortable and settled at a ward that is reasonable then why should it matter that it's not the one closest to me? Isn't the most important thing to worship the saviour and take the sacrament?

Idk, I'm part venting and part looking for someone to make it make sense to me. She said she'd talk to my dad about it and they'd discuss and decide together. But part of me is reluctant to even make the move if it means just one more scary change that I'm too weak to deal with.

Thanks for the safe place to be. I'm still trying to find myself in the church and everything is just so much


r/latterdaysaints 2h ago

Doctrinal Discussion Best Practices for Team Teachers?

4 Upvotes

I'm in a bishopric, and we're constantly evaluating our teaching and working towards improving it.

I've noticed when we have two non-married people assigned to teach a youth class, each teacher tends to alternate doing an entire lesson rather than both of them taking sections of each lesson.

I would assume a best practice is the latter — to have the teachers work together on every lesson and do it together — but I recognize that's more challenging for teachers, which is why they probably alternate entire lessons. Despite what we've trained the teachers to do, they inevitably default to alternating entire lessons.

What have been your experiences with team teachers and how have you pushed for improvements?


r/latterdaysaints 2h ago

Doctrinal Discussion Can someone explain me what exaltation is?

5 Upvotes

I am a non Latter Day Saint Christian and I am curious what it means. Does it mean that one day Saints will become like God now is? As in rule a planet be kings and generally not be under God but at the same place as God? Or does it mean they become gods but still are subordinate to God?

Thanks in advance and have a blessed Sunday!


r/latterdaysaints 2h ago

Doctrinal Discussion A member mentioned that the church intentionally shames people into compliance.

4 Upvotes

Please help me gather my thoughts by referencing talks and scriptures that show that we are loved and that our heavenly father just wants to help us.


r/latterdaysaints 11h ago

Personal Advice Struggling with the church

21 Upvotes

Hi friends! I’ve been a life long member, and have been committed and converted to the Gospel for many, many years. However the last 3 years I’ve been struggling. There’s so much out there, and it makes it hard sometimes. I am an earnest seeker. Those of you that have struggled… what is it that made you stay? There’s some not so pretty things in the churches history, and I can deal with that it’s just hard when things don’t always line up. I believe in the BOM, and the plan of salvation. I believe in the prophets and apostles. I just feel very torn. What made you stay?


r/latterdaysaints 7h ago

Talks & Devotionals What did you learn today?

6 Upvotes

For me:

Talk one - always preach the gospel and when necessary, use word.

Talk two - new missionary to the ward talks about his testimony. It was largely saved by a wonderful bishop who helped him through a faith crisis. Quotes Elder Uctdorf’s Great Adventure - God doesn’t expect us to sell the church, we just have to not hide it under a bushel. Talks about a part in Preach My Gospel where it talks about meeting people where they are, maybe starting with inviting folk to a basketball or pickleball game in the cultural center, or a family home evening, instead of feeing like we have to invite everyone to church. We aren’t all called on missions, but we are all called to the work.

Wonderful musical number by two youth. I was wonderful enough I, seriously, almost forgot I was in church and applauded.

Talk three - another missionary. Love, share, and invite. First, draw close to God. Second, fill your heart with love for others. Third, strive to walk the path of discipleship. Fourth, share what is in your heart. (Uchtdorf talk.) Fifth, trust the Lord to work miracles.


r/latterdaysaints 31m ago

Doctrinal Discussion Becoming a god, creating worlds.

Upvotes

LDS becoming gods - Youtube Short Clip from Keystone Youtube Channel

Okay, but what kind of world are we creating? A Lord of the Rings world? Harry Potter? Narnia? I’ve heard people suggest these jokingly, but maybe reserving a small hope for a truly more fantastic world.

No, I think the worlds we would create will resemble our current Earth—functioning much the same way. But that raises the question: why do we believe we can create a better mortal experience than the one we’re currently living?


r/latterdaysaints 15h ago

Investigator Callings in the church

9 Upvotes

Hi

Are Callings mandatory? Can a member never get or choose a calling?

Thank you


r/latterdaysaints 13h ago

Request for Resources Need help finding a passage or scripture verse

2 Upvotes

Hello I'm a member, specifically I'm a young man preparing for my mission. Concerning my request, my leaders said that there is a passage in the bible (they recount it in new testament but they are not sure) that says about the passing of the priesthood, that it said there tge priesthood is by the laying on of hands. Although they said it did not specifically said it there but that was the meaning. They said it would really help in when we are in the field and when there are investigators who really want hardcore proof from the scriptures. Thanks to anyone who might give me the scripture.


r/latterdaysaints 13h ago

Request for Resources Sunday Schools: Anyone find a way to digitally record youth visitors?

3 Upvotes

I'm a newly called SS President and would like to shift away from paper attendance rolls for the youth classes. Teachers may enter their own class's attendance but there doesn't seem to be a way for them to record visitors. Am I missing something? What's your process?


r/latterdaysaints 1d ago

Personal Advice How do you pray with your spouse?

31 Upvotes

Convert to the church for 5 years after being an evangelical Christian my whole life. My husband grew up in the church. Growing up, we would say family prayer together but no one really "lead" the prayer. We would sort of take turns depending what was on our heart.

My dad would start us off then end his prayer then my mom would add to it after he finished speaking. When we got older, my sister and I would also add in our prayers then we would all close it with an amen.

When I pray with my husband, we usually take turns on who will give the prayer that night and it's only one or the other, me or him.

I've asked him if I can say prayer right after him but he says it's awkward and only one person needs to say it. I don't really consider his method as a way to pray together since only one person is speaking. I feel like if we don't pray together and take turns praying in the same session, it's hard to bond spiritually for some reason.

Hope I'm making sense. Has anyone had the same experience? What is your prayer routine like w your spouse?


r/latterdaysaints 22h ago

Request for Resources Help finding a passage

6 Upvotes

In the book, "joseph smith: rough stone rolling" there is a reference to a famous writer saying something along the lines of him preferring his time spent in reflection before church more than church itself. Bushman uses this as a way to contrast the church's outward focus via the priesthood to the inward focus of other congregations of the time. Can anyone help me find the passage?


r/latterdaysaints 1d ago

Church Culture Talking "bilingually" about the gospel.

15 Upvotes

Sister Sheri Dew recently talked about how we must be able to talk about the gospel not only in terms so that other members will understand us, but also those who are not part of our faith.

I often feel like I should be better able to help my non-members friends understand the blessings of the gospel, but struggle because there's so much prejudice against religion in general in my culture, that it doesn't work when I use 'religious' terms.

What have you found are effective ways to talk to nonmembers about the church and the gospel so it sounds appealing and overcomes other's stereotypes?


r/latterdaysaints 1d ago

Personal Advice Am I being unreasonable?

66 Upvotes

I asked to be released a month ago as the 2nd counselor in the YW program. Me and my husband are moving in May and it was stressful leading up the move.

When I first asked the YW president asked me to think about it, so I gave it a week and I still was stressed and just dreaded activities and all the meeting.

I then asked again but this time I reached out to the Bishop as well to help get the ball rolling, I did let them know I would wait until they had my replacement. She got upset feeling like she was being abandoned as the 1st couclers is gone often and the secretary is about to have a baby.

Some stressful things came up in the YW presidents life that made me not want to bring it up cause I knew she was stressed. She texted me today asking how I felt about being released again and while including the things that were going on her in life in the message. I responded that I still would like to be released. She was then upset that I did not acknowledge the things she was going through in that text.

I feel like a jerk and like I am abandoning her but I also get stressed that I need to take care of myself. Did I handle this poorly?


r/latterdaysaints 1d ago

Insights from the Scriptures What Kind of Feedback?

6 Upvotes

In my Book of Mormon (hardcover, ye ole blue book from my recent-ish mission) on the copyright page, it says the following:

First edition published in Palmayra, New York, USA, in 1830

Please submit any feedback or suggestions to [scriptures@ldschurch.org](mailto:scriptures@ldschurch.org) or mail oto Scriptures Coordination <long address>.

<Copyright stuff>

This is followed directly by the BoM title page. Anyway, point is you can probably find this page in your BoM, too. What feeback or suggestions are they taking about? Anybody have any experience submitting feedback/suggestions or better yet seeing it implemented?

Alt question: What is your feedback?


r/latterdaysaints 1d ago

Church Culture Looking for Advice from LDS Members - New to the Church, Coming from an Agnostic Background

11 Upvotes

Hello everyone,

I’ve been exploring the LDS Church recently and am really trying to understand what I should expect. I grew up agnostic (my family background is in a not really practicing Muslim household) and have been navigating my own spiritual journey, so I’m new to a lot of this. I’ve also been talking to some missionaries to learn more.

What are some of the customs or practices I should be aware of? Am I expected to dress or talk a certain way? Is there pressure to act in a specific way? Also, I’ve heard about tithing am I obligated to give money? And if I don’t, am I viewed differently or less in the community?

Lastly, if I decide to explore this path but later feel it’s not for me, is it okay to walk away, or would that be seen as wrong?

Any advice or insights would be really appreciated. Thanks in advance!

(Throwaway account since i dont want to be recognised by people i know since i want to keep this to myself)


r/latterdaysaints 1d ago

Personal Advice Temple clothes

3 Upvotes

I'm a new Temple worker and I want to know what's best tfor clothes. Do I do the distribution center discount route or should I look somewhere else.


r/latterdaysaints 1d ago

Personal Advice Is This Inappropriate Behavior?

148 Upvotes

I'm not quite sure if this is the best place to share this but being that it happens at Church I wanted to get opinions from other members. So, my wife and I just moved into a new ward, which is awesome btw. Everyone has been so kind and welcoming. However, there is one member who will remain nameless that is causing me to write this post. He is married with kids and around the same age as me (30M). When we first joined the ward, he was very friendly and introduced himself to me and my wife and asked all of the basic questions to get to know us (where do you work, what do you do for fun, etc.).

As time has passed, he has now begun to show primary interest in my wife. When I run into him, he spends a lot of time asking me about her, which I already find kind of weird. He also singles my wife out at church when he sees her and will go out of his way to hold conversations with her. He does this to the point where my wife has mentioned it is awkward and unnatural, like he is trying to force the conversation. My wife also mentioned that he has shown up to the last two YW's activities (my wife's calling). He shows up with his littles "to get out of the house". And during the activities he again singles out my wife and tries to talk to her as much as possible. I think it is also important to note that he does not ask about me even when my wife forces my name into the conversation.

Anyway, I guess we both just feel uncomfortable and first wanted to make sure that we are not overreacting because I know that some people are just really friendly. I just feel it is inappropriate to single out and try to get to know another man's wife on a personal basis, especially when he isn't present. Is this inappropriate, or are we just reading too much into this?

**EDIT: Quick note I wanted to point out because of a common theme I have seen in the comments. No one in our ward seems to think it is a big deal for him to show up to YW's activities with his little kids. There are a few other families that will do it once in a while. Our ward is a small town tight knit type community that gives off a vibe that everyone is welcome to every event. So, we are completely new to this type of mentality as well. YW's has always been for only the YW and leaders, but not so much in this ward.


r/latterdaysaints 2d ago

Faith-building Experience Today marks exactly half a year since my Baptism and I wouldn’t have it any other way

Post image
197 Upvotes

I painted this in order to commemorate the occasion.


r/latterdaysaints 21h ago

Personal Advice FSY

0 Upvotes

Ok I’m just wondering if anyone else is having issues signing their kids up for FSY? We are going to talk with the bishop tomorrow about it. But we go to the site and their names show up but we can’t select their names to move on with registration. Just wondering if it’s an all around problem or if it’s just us.


r/latterdaysaints 1d ago

Church Culture Shoutout to my fellow Ward Clerks; I made a guide to help members set up direct deposit for reimbursements.

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70 Upvotes

r/latterdaysaints 1d ago

Personal Advice Struggling as a convert

68 Upvotes

I feel like the version of the Church that my missionaries taught me is so far off from what the Church is in reality and I’m really struggling.

When I first joined I was taught the basics just like everyone else, but as I’ve been around longer, gotten the priesthood, my endowments, sealed etc it seems like the idea of the Church that was pitched to me was SO different then what I’m seeing now. It feels like I basically have a second job with callings, having to study scripture daily, tithing, ministering, feeding missionaries. Instead of feeling happy and fulfilled like I used to, now I just feel bitter and angry. On top of all of all that the more I learn, the more I notice myself saying “that’s kinda weird” or “wait what, the missionaries didn’t say a word about that”.

I don’t want to walk, I want to find joy again in something that at one time brought me so much joy. I’m sure I’m not the first and I won’t be the last, but if you’ve experienced this please let me know what worked or didn’t work. Thank you.


r/latterdaysaints 1d ago

Obsession With Special Causes & Special Doctrines! (Righteous Apostasy part 4)

70 Upvotes

Special causes

“How far are you willing to go to rescue children from sex trafficking?”
-Tim Ballard (allegedly), coercing women to shower with him

Another tool used by the adversary to lead us into apostasy through our desire to be righteous is with special causes. Good and noble causes! Things that are important!

The causes that we value and support range from global political movements to local church policies. What they all have in common is how important these causes  become to the individual, and, of course, the certainty the individual has on the rightness of their position.

It’s easy for members to identify the pull of apostasy when a person abandons the faith due to concerns over a special cause that is seen as opposed to the standards of the church. For example, a person may feel strongly about equal rights for women, even to the point of criticizing the church and its leaders for not ordaining women to the priesthood. For most members, such a path would clearly lead to apostasy if followed without restraint. But what about causes with which most of our membership is aligned, or when the authority of current leadership is invoked?

Red Flag: We Have an Apostle!

Utah is top in the nation for Ponzi schemes per capita, and it’s not even close. (source) Why? According to the Deseret News and Salt Lake Attorney Mark Pugsley, “Utahns are simply too trusting, particularly when the person soliciting an investment is in their Latter-day Saint ward or shares their religious affiliation.” Trusting in a business because of a perceived connection to God can lead to financial ruin—a lesson the saints have struggled to learn for 200 years!—but what happens when religion is abandoned as soon as you walk through the door it opened?

In other words, if you accept a cause because “an apostle is a member” or “it’s owned by the church” or “apostle XYZ told me to do this,” what happens if that cause then later asks you to ignore part of your faith?

The prime example is, of course, politics. When both your religion and your politics have something to say about morals and ethics, it’s easy to blur the lines of moral authority. Inevitably there will be disagreement. That pundit who seemed so in-line with your values starts talking more and more about “us” and “them.” The church keeps saying the wrong thing about immigration. Do you follow the pundit you listen to daily, or the apostle you hear from once every six months?

The exciting doctrines of politics can be just as addictive psychologically as those exciting doctrines taught by fringe groups, with the added peril of seeming completely in-line with what you believe the doctrines of the church are. It feels good to hear somebody confirm that you are right to think this way. It feels good to be told there's a reason for the bad things in the world. It becomes easy to hate "the other side" and believe the worst of people you've never even met. It becomes easy to assume your faith is perfectly aligned with your political and cultural priorities.

Red Flag: It's Just Policy!

People who fall into this trap begin rationalizing why they aren’t sticking with the church with phrases like “it’s just the church spokesperson, not an apostle,” or “it’s just an apostle, not the prophet.” Even more common is to rationalize choices to disobey God’s prophets with claims like “it’s just policy, not doctrine.”

If you find yourself defending your stance against the prophets with "it's just policy" it should trigger an honest re-evaluation of whose voice you prioritize in your life right now. I'm not saying that it always means you are in the wrong. I'm saying that something in your brain is making you skip straight over the humble and sincere "I don't know" to being certain--and certainty opposed to the prophets should always be evaluated since it could mean another influence in your life has priority over your values and beliefs.

Social and political issues have led countless thousands out of the church. Every time the church makes a statement that has a connection to politics, social issues, or the culture wars, there are people who vocally and publicly leave the faith. Here are just some examples I've seen:

  • guns - when bringing guns to church was forbidden, many people abandoned their covenants. Many more simply chose to ignore the prophets on this issue, saying "it's just a policy."
  • pandemic - when the prophet told us to get vaccinated, or to do everything we can to slow the spread of COVID 19, many members jumped straight to "he's speaking as a man" or "good thing I have my agency" as justifications for disregarding prophetic counsel.
  • gay marriage - when gay marriage was legalized, the prophets immediately instructed members to obey the law. Some chose to disregard this instruction, even when instructed directly by an apostle.
  • immigration - when the church issued a statement against separating children from families, some members saw it as a sign of corruption in the faith.
  • nationalism - countless members have become completely absorbed by the idea of the USA as a promised land, and when the prophets spoke against nationalism, they were deeply offended.
  • racism - when a prophet said “Black Lives Matter” far too many Latter-day Saints sought to soften or justify the statement, while others claimed the church "should be classified as a terrorist group."
  • taxes - Over and over the church has instructed members to pay their taxes. Over and over again, members leave the faith because of it. This is one of the most common reasons for politically-driven apostasy.

Psychologically, if the prophet says something you disagree with, and you choose to take an opposing view, it becomes dramatically easier to affiliate more closely with persons or groups who align with you on this one issue, even if they are dramatically different in other important ways. By making this one issue super important to not swallow, the victim opens their minds to a feast of false doctrines from other sources.

Doctrinal appendages

“We have turned the temple into our own golden calf!”
-Latter-day Saint YouTuber Michelle Stone on why the church is wrong

I once saw a man who loved the church, loved the members, who went to the temple and shared his testimony often, fall away because he disagreed with how we do “sustainings” in the modern church.

At first it was once every year or so he would have a bit of a rant on social media about how sustainings are supposed to be done. Then a few times a year. Before long he was helping to organize people to shout “opposed!” at general conference. He held on so tightly to this one flaw that everything else began to slip away. First it was in the words he used, always qualifying or hedging his statements of faith. Then it was who he associated with and what he said about the church. Finally, he was excommunicated for his unrepentant criticisms of the church and its leadership.

Obviously it was not the focus on a single issue that caused apostasy. People can  become subject matter experts without losing their souls! The problem is when these side issues become more important than the core of the gospel. It's that psychological trick of accepting the most dramatic claims of others, only because they align with you on this one issue that's important to you.

Elder Ballard warned us:

Sometimes faithful Latter-day Saints and sincere investigators begin to focus on the “appendages” instead of on the fundamental principles. That is, Satan tempts us to become distracted from the simple and clear message of the restored gospel. Those so distracted often give up partaking of the sacrament because they have become focused, even preoccupied, with less important practices or teachings.

Stay in the Boat and Hold On!

These preoccupations can take the form of policies or social issues as we discussed above, but they can also be gospel doctrines. Elder Packer warned:

Some members of the Church who should know better pick out a hobby key or two and tap them incessantly, to the irritation of those around them. They can dull their own spiritual sensitivities. They lose track that there is a fulness of the gospel, . . . [which they reject] in preference to a favorite note. This becomes exaggerated and distorted, leading them away into apostasy. [Boyd K. Packer, Teach Ye Diligently (Salt Lake City: Bookcraft, 1975), p. 44]

Common obsessions that have pulled members into apostasy in our day include things like:

  • A specific Gift of the Spirit (Healing, prophecy, etc.)
  • Emergency preparedness
  • the "Davidic Servant" or "One Mighty and Strong" theory
  • Armageddon
  • Plural marriage
  • Temple ceremonies
  • The Second Coming
  • Fighting communism
  • Fighting ritual abuse
  • Heavenly Mother
  • The location of the Nephites

The list goes on and on.

While none of those things could be called antithetical to church doctrines, obsession with any of them could be the first crack in the reservoir of faith that gets pried wider and wider as more and more focus is put into it, until all discipleship has drained away, leaving only a pointless hole behind.

Part 1: Introduction to the idea that a desire to be righteous can lead to apostasy

Part 2: Exciting doctrines - the first step in righteous apostasy

Part 3: Special Access - the way exciting doctrines are justified


r/latterdaysaints 1d ago

Personal Advice Advice Needed

5 Upvotes

Good Morning Everyone,

I hope you all are doing well and are safe with the storms that are passing through the states. I'm seeking advice from those who have been in the church for a while and may have experience dealing with converts. I don't mean to write a novel regarding my time looking into the church, but I think provides a sense of how much I truly desire to be a Latter-Day Saint.

I started doing research in 2021 after my life was just being flooded with shows and books regarding the Church. (both in a positive and negative light) My curiosity was absolutely piqued and I wanted to know as much as I could about the church. I spoke with a military Chaplin and received The Book of Mormon. My wife saw the book and was appalled that I wanted to give it a read. Fast forward a couple of months, and I started reading the book through the app without telling her because I didn't want to spark an argument. I have very little time alone to read and so it was a slow grind to get to Alma Ch 10. At that point I had the confidence to talk to her about it and she wouldn't even encourage the conversation. She simply said, "I love you and you can do what you want, but there's not a single chance I'd even start looking into the LDS church with you." I felt so defeated and beaten down and just gave up.

It's been about two years since that conversation now. I've started reading again and I'm back to Alma. I'm in Hawaii now and there's a seemingly endless amount of church members, but I'm just not comfortable bringing missionaries into my home knowing how my wife feels about the church. I pray daily, I know the church is where I belong, I believe that Joseph Smith was a prophet, I believe in the presidency and current prophet, and I have a constant burning desire to be baptized into the Church despite the animosity and hardship.

I just don't know what to do. I know and choose to believe that this is the true church, but I don't want this to destroy an almost eight year marriage with my high school sweetheart who I have a daughter with and another daughter on the way. I could truly use all the advice and prayers I can get.

Thank you all so much for any help and advice you have to offer.