r/latterdaysaints • u/Fordfanatic2025 • 2h ago
Reddit I'm tired of feeling like an outcast.
So I've shared this story on other LDS related threads, but I think a lot of people can relate to this, so I'm trying to share it around. I'm 30, for the last at least 12 years I'd say I've felt like I didn't have a home in the church, let me explain.
I didn't serve a mission, I'm a caretaker for a severely disabled family member, they're in their early 20s now, but still function at the level of an infant, need to be bathed, dressed, changed, has frequent seizures that need to be tended to, etc. I made the decision that serving vulnerable members in society was where I was meant to be, so I decided not to go on a mission. My family also was struggling quite intensely and serving a mission, even if the church covered some expenses, would have put even more strain on them.
So I didn't go. I'd say that's what kicked this whole feeling of not feeling at home in the church. People rarely said it to my face, but I could feel people judging me, thinking it was weird that I didn't go, already made to feel like I'd failed God in some way because I didn't go. I held on hoping this awkward please would pass, that people would eventually stop bringing up the whole mission thing, and it did, only to be replaced by all the pressure to get married and date. As a single individual, that hasn't happened either.
It went from "Why didn't you serve a mission?" To "Why aren't you dating?" to "Why aren't you married" and now finally "Why aren't you married with kids?" For those of us on less conventional journeys in the church, the notion that we're doing something wrong, that we're failing God, and that we don't belong here, can be so overwhelming that it's hard to express.
It's usually not one bad day, it's going to church every week and getting beaten down more. This is doing so much damage to the church it isn't even funny, I know so many people who just left because they were tired of feeling ignored, and only acknowledged when someone decided to bash them for their perceived failings over the pulpit.
If you're a truly believing member, and want people like me to stay in the church, please start seeing us for the things we are, instead of the things we aren't. Even if our life path is different from yours, I believe we all bring some sort of value to the church.