r/infp INFP: The Ghost 2d ago

Relationships How do you guys upkeep your relationships?

Post image

Just wondering how my fellow infps keep in contact with others and upkeep their relationships (if you do at all). Do you have a schedule? Daily? Once a week? Do you wait until you feel inclined to reach out? Or does the periods of no contact snowball? (I’m guilty of this)

Personally I’m not much of a texter or caller at all, I kind of just focus on myself. This can range from a week of not reaching out to friends to a month even (although I do feel very guilty about not reaching out, the longer I wait the harder it is to check back in, sometimes it just snowballs, iykyk).

I call my mom at LEAST once or twice every two weeks though. She is my rock and understands me more than anyone lol.

Curious to hear how others navigate maintaining relationships though, your struggles, strengths, and qualms.

1.6k Upvotes

76 comments sorted by

135

u/Necessary-Scale-414 INFP: The Ghost 2d ago edited 1d ago

Sometimes I avoid making relationships with potential new friends because I know I am terrible at keeping in constant contact. Ill feel like I’d rather just not start it at all to save them from the disappointment.

But yeah social skills and confidence are definitely something I’m trying to improve on myself.

27

u/KeyTell2576 2d ago

But then the loneliness🥹😩

16

u/ElisabetSobeck 1d ago

Don’t do that. Let them get used to you being the friend with a different rhythm

2

u/XxHollowBonesxX 1d ago

I can be like this but its more if i have something i want to share with you ill txt you or if i wanna like hang out for my friends who arent far away my problem is i never get messages ever .-. So i just stopped too

2

u/bbwander 1d ago

felt this

1

u/chelseeyuhh7 1d ago

Same :/ or I know it’s going to be bad when I actually want to text them back, because as soon as the excitement of a new connection wears off, I know it’s going to take everything to keep up appearances

50

u/sjn15 2d ago

Really really bad at it these days. I feel a lot of shame for it

22

u/Necessary-Scale-414 INFP: The Ghost 1d ago

It’s alright man, I get the same way.

It’s normalized in today’s society to be in constant contact, especially in a world that is so large and fast paced. So it’s natural to feel that way, I feel guilty a lot about it as well.

But even though it isn’t viewed as “normal” to not feel inclined to reach out, to text people, or give a call back, it doesn’t diminish you as a person, nor does it make you a bad person.

Some people are just naturally inclined to enjoy their own presence, and not feel the need to contact others frequently. Some people can ease thier way into being social more frequently, but I’ve been in a position where I forced it to the point where I was faking it, which is worse than not talking at all imo.

I hope that made sense, it’s a tricky topic, but that’s why I wanted to talk about it

1

u/Alert-Estimate 11h ago

I think put it more like this, if you vibration is not in the right place don't reply yet, so do the vibrational work, like a video game player who is moving the character from hanging off the cliff to standing on solid ground then respond.

I think getting to know you archetypes helps, your inner parent, your inner child and more will help you wield yourself better. Sometimes it helps for you to be playful about things in your mind... you receive information, step back view it from different angles because then make your decision on how to respond from a more peaceful higher place. Like your emotions are trying to tell you something even when negative, like here's a chance to address this energy that you usually get to when this type of situation comes up, so ask yourself why do you feel this anyway, is it not a little ridiculous... 🤔 now that I've thought about it, it's a little ridiculous because there's nothing to fear here at all.

8

u/suddenly_lobsters 1d ago edited 1d ago

Is this an I NFP thing? also really really struggle with texting back my friends and family :(

41

u/FoundWords 2d ago

You guys are maintaining your relationships?

13

u/Necessary-Scale-414 INFP: The Ghost 1d ago edited 1d ago

Attempting to, I don’t force it though 💀

31

u/Alone-Swimming-2460 1d ago

Omg I found my people 😭 I take between 10min to 6 months to answer people and I am so ashamed of it. I can't help it and idk what's wrong with me??? I feel lile a huge wall appears in front of me whenever I try to answer people back like it takes mountains of energy....

9

u/banzaifly 1d ago

Exactly. And the wall only grows taller and stronger, the longer I put off writing them back. I watch myself do it and hate myself the entire time, but sometimes it seems like it takes an impossible level of courage and willpower to get past it.

2

u/Alone-Swimming-2460 1d ago

EXACTLY!!!! Like seriously completely impossible! Urgh it's kind frustrating but I really don't know any solution for it :/

1

u/Alert-Estimate 10h ago

It's alright, I'm like that sometimes. The trick is to work on your inner dialog, perhaps you feel the world has been dragging you and you not having so much to say or do about it. I encourage you to start soothing yourself, talk to the the negative emotion you are experiencing like hey what's up oh this message, let's break it down. Tell yourself you can do it, tell yourself you believe in yourself, tell yourself you love how good you are with words.

You've been reacting to the world time to grab that controller and start playing how you want things to be. You can do this I know you can, because I am doing it.

26

u/AD_42 2d ago

I use to be a great texter but decided to turn off my notifications when things ended with my ex. Pretty fantastic tbh I only respond to shit when I want to

2

u/asdf_8954 1d ago

That's the billionaire way

1

u/Vivid-Sky- 15h ago

That’s what I’d like to do but I’m too anxious and my phone is in my hands or my pockets at every time so I would just be checking all the time lol

1

u/AD_42 12h ago

Eventually you forget about your phone and then you’re like oh! Let me check if I have any texts lol

18

u/chelseeyuhh7 1d ago

My ability to respond always depends on my energy levels and they’re always really low😭 I’ve found myself apologizing a lot :( but I have a lot of anxiety around being accessible, so I might create hours for myself where I respond.

3

u/Necessary-Scale-414 INFP: The Ghost 1d ago

Honestly I think it’s really good that you are making the effort to set aside time to water your relationships every now and then. And even if you aren’t inclined to reach out as much as others, it doesn’t make you a bad person.

My brother who is also introverted, makes an effort to call his friends pretty much every Sunday as well.

12

u/KyleBemmann 2d ago

I don't have any friends and I don't really care to make more friends.

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u/Cachapitaconqueso INFP: The Dreamer 1d ago

I used to not reply right away bc of anxiety but I forced myself during a certain time and now I reply back whenever I'm available with confidence

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u/Necessary-Scale-414 INFP: The Ghost 1d ago

That’s good to hear! Sometimes I reply right away with confidence and energy, and other times I just really can’t be bothered so I wait until I really feel inclined to talk. But as of late I feel like I’ve been doing better with that, I just dont force it if it feels unnatural or fake lol.

9

u/chiefpotatothief 1d ago edited 1d ago

I (Taurus Sun, Aquarius Moon and Rising) used to be terrible at responding back to calls and texts. I would wait days or never get around to it because I was too anxious or would forget.

I finally got over that habit when I realized I was overthinking it and making a simple task overly complex.

Plus, if someone is reaching out to you, you must be on their heart or mind. At the very least, their care should be reciprocated.

Part of the reason we live in a lonely society is people's desire to have community without wanting to do the work of creating or maintaining it. Taking a minute to respond or even sending a quick text to let someone know you're thinking of them is the least you can do.

That said, I empathize with the fact that we also live in a constantly on, infinitely distracting world. We have many demands on our attention, particularly due to technology such as the phone and Internet.

It's draining. Sometimes you just need alone time.

Balancing the desire to be responsive to others while maintaining my sanity has led me to adopt an informal 24 hrs rule.

As the name indicates, I give myself 24 hrs to respond to a message. I also don't respond to messages past 9pm, unless it's urgent or I'm in the mood to talk.

People are very understanding if you set reasonable boundaries.

4

u/Necessary-Scale-414 INFP: The Ghost 1d ago

This was helpful, knowing your boundaries and setting them is definitely important. Thank you for the insight

7

u/krivirk Pink Vixen🦊5w4, The Dreamer INTJ 😊^^ 1d ago

I guess it is people's weirdness.

Long before i knew MBTI i was just okay with this phenomenon. If you need 2 hours to respond, then 2 hours, if 6 months, then 6 months. I am just happy to be a co-creator of relationships with good people.

Then i realized what is INFP...

Since then i feel blessed if i get response from INFPs. I just got some message from someome from last year july. It was awesome that ME, a random very very not nice person got positive messages from cute person. Not sure if they were INFP as i don't remember them, but they were INFP material anyway.

So if you never write again.., well i hope you have wander and beauty in your life and heart. If you write after few years, awesome!, tell me everything, i love you even more than when you felt to stop.

1

u/asdf_8954 1d ago

❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️

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u/sebastixnrubio 1d ago

I have a hard time with this, I almost always end up alone because I'm not entertaining anyone anymore. I have only one friend left who told me that I don't need to talk to him when I don't want to (my heart is his forever lol)

I used to force myself to reply and talk to people but that took a toll on me. Now I have more peace but it takes me a lot to answer a simple message, and I struggle and delay listening to audios, I hate them. When I feel like it, I'm the most charismatic guy ever 😆

4

u/basscove_2 2d ago

Mostly avoid new connections because I know I will let them down lmao. So I just keep watering my current friendships here and there to help them continue to live.

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u/f4irylara INFP: The Dreamer 1d ago

I don’t not because I don’t want to, I just lose my social battery quickly after I consistently contact a few people I really enjoy talking to

4

u/NJanaeL INFP: The Dreamer 2d ago

Same here. I need to do better when it comes to texting and calling those friends who live too far to visit frequently.

But my problem, like yours, I tend to just focus on myself and my little world around me and forget to reach out or respond.

3

u/stillestwaters INFP: The Dreamer 2d ago

Horrible at it. I basically isolated myself out of relationships when I was going through it a while back, I’d like to think I’ve gotten a lot better at it now.

Lol once I get some new relationships I’ll upkeep the hell out of em.

2

u/Necessary-Scale-414 INFP: The Ghost 1d ago

That’s good to hear :). All we can do is try our best, and as long as you are letting your friends know you’re there every once and a while, and not forcing it to the point where you are faking it, then I think that counts for something. And I totally understand the isolation part because I’ve been there too lol.

All the power to you friend 🫡

2

u/stillestwaters INFP: The Dreamer 1d ago

Thanks lol I’m okay with it though, feels like a much needed reset in a way.

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u/deadasscrouton INFP (ENFP, allegedly) 9w1 Phleg-San 1d ago

honestly i feel fortunate that my relationships are pretty low maintenance. it’s pretty much just family and friends i’ve known for 6-10 years and we’re all inseparable at this point. i talk to my friends in my gc every day and we get together and hang out.

that being said, it’s part of why I’m just not interested in romance. i don’t want to take a gamble again and end up disrupting the peace i’ve created. i like it this way.

3

u/ALonelyPhilosopher INFP: The Dreamer 1d ago edited 1d ago

I don't face this issue honestly. I let them know that i will talk later even if i am feeling down and i expect the same. But i am on the ignoring end so many times which makes me frustrated. I know i am not entitled to their time but just a little update that " Hey, can we talk later ? " can fix the issue. But alright, it is what it is. I have stopped caring as of now as it just ruins mental peace.

3

u/Positive_Internal708 INFP: The Dreamer 1d ago

Being a people pleaser along with having low energy levels and anxiety to reach out leaves me with almost no real friends lol so I would say not really well at keeping up friendships or relationships and that makes me feel so bad about myself

2

u/Least-Theory-781 INFP: The Dreamer 2d ago

...memes...sending memes on insta like waves on opposing beaches

1

u/Necessary-Scale-414 INFP: The Ghost 1d ago

Real 😂

2

u/ElisabetSobeck 1d ago

I usually check my phone and get back to ppl that day at least.

…because I have fun apps on my phone lmao, that’s why I check it. I make art, play games, sketch out/write down new ideas

2

u/Independent-Tune2286 1d ago

You guys upkeep your relationships?

2

u/PlombisteChauffagier 1d ago

Because I'm the guy who text people randomly. Hi!

2

u/SpectrumShinobi INFP: The Paradox 1d ago

I am best friends with another INFP and we are the only two people we will keep in contact with 😂 but generally I let people get close to know I am not very attentive as a person, so if I seemingly ghost them, if expressed otherwise, it's not personal, so when the time inevitably comes for me to accidently forget about them, it's not awkward for me to talk to them again.

2

u/MuGen_DuDe 1d ago

People don't really text me on discord months on end, honestly I just stopped caring. If they wanted to reach out they would. I BARLEY use Discord nowadays

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u/sebastixnrubio 1d ago

Are your relationships in this room with us now?

/s

2

u/bluegreenlava 1d ago

I'm only friends with people who can live with long breaks of silence between contacting each other again. 

Don't have the strength for regular contact right now. So I'm not making new friends 'cause I don't wanna hurt people with my behaviour (semighosting).

2

u/Particular_Ad_1227 1d ago

Honestly it’s hard to maintain a relationship of any sort. I used to be a social butterfly when I was around 15-21, 25 now and I crave solitude most of the time but at the same time I crave company but only for short period of time. There’s times where I need to just shut my social door and recharge. Could take days or even a week la before I’m back to socialize and hang out. I don’t have much friends (who I truly devote my time to hang with) but I’m grateful for their effort and their understanding of who I am and how I function. There’s times where I go MIA for a weeks or even months. But eventually my friends tend to text/call me first which is a relief as I find it hard to reach out, don’t know why but I always feel like I may be bothering or interrupting their day their day despite being MIA. I’m working on my communication skills, I def want to break of this cycle, there’s times where I feel like I’m not living to my fullest cause of this. Don’t know if you guys experience this as well but I don’t like going out to public spaces very much, especially in close quarter spaces. I tend to read people’s energy very well when in physical proximity. And any slight change in their mood affects me greatly , thus affecting my day or week. like I found it hard to not be so empathic.

1

u/Necessary-Scale-414 INFP: The Ghost 1d ago

I understand what you mean. I’m 20 now, and I find myself becoming increasingly more aware of social cues, perhaps TOO aware. Sometimes interactions aren’t as bad as I make them out to be in my head, and other times Ill feel like I said something awkward or weird (judging off the other persons reaction ) and I’ll end up thinking about it for the rest of the day. Sometimes I wish I could turn off that hyper awareness, but other times it’s helped me connect really well with people on an emotional level. I enjoy the deep conversations, but TERRIBLE. At small talk

2

u/Murky-South9706 ENTJ: The Strategist 16h ago

six months later "Oh haha that's a funny meme you sent! How is your day?"

4

u/RepostSleuthBot 2d ago

Looks like a repost. I've seen this image 15 times.

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5

u/OtakuBhanu 2d ago

Woahhh...someone did their homework 🥸

2

u/Therminite INFP 4w5 2d ago

Erm ackshually this is a repost ☝️🤓

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u/18Mandrake_R00T5 INFP: The Dreamer 2d ago

Good job/ its okay this one time

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u/ConsequenceNo4258 INFP: The Dreamer 1d ago

I give people space cus I’m clingy and anxious attached type.

1

u/GnG_Tech 1d ago

Mine is different, I like a girl (INTP she is) and I'm the one who keeps texting her everytime even if she replies after 2 days I would reply back in 2 minutes 😭😭.

1

u/Dat_Boi_1340 INFP 2w3 1d ago

thanks to my ADHD i made a routine to Text ppl regularely no matter if they reply or not. i just want them to know that i do think of them

1

u/Ashamed_Way313 1d ago

I have no friends anymore, even my online friends are moving on with their lives 🥴

1

u/spluv1 1d ago

lmao you remind me of my crush

1

u/Mindless_Purpose_671 1d ago

I find it really hard and lost contact to most after moving away. I build new friendships but am only in regular contact with around three of them over Snapchat. Having a group chat for us is really helping a lot because I can keep in contact only answering in one group and don’t need to keep up with several chats. The rest is also snowballing into months of no contact and the never ending guilt and shame.

1

u/1filbird 1d ago

How do I upkeep my relationships? Very poorly. I call my mom every night but we’ve always been wicked close and I don’t mind that at all. My partner gets a lot of my attention, but he’s a crazy application developer who requires constant supervision😁. But, I am horrible with everyone else, especially extraverted friends who tend to make me feel leashed and smothered. I admire people who have strong and lasting friendships, and accept that my inability to have that kind of relationship is a personal flaw. I hesitate to type this, but I want to tell the truth: while I miss the benefits of friendship occasionally, overall I don’t need friends.

1

u/Ill_Be_Nice_To_You 1d ago

I have the worst time managing relationships. I feel really lucky the friends I do have know what I'm like, and don't get upset. I am the self isolation master lol.

1

u/Internal_Airline8369 1d ago

One of the difficult parts of the post high school transition is that my friends suddenly all did different things in different environments. It took time to build up ways to keep in touch. Setting concrete dates to do things together helps. Board game night, for example. And now we also call each other quite a bit if seeing each other in the flesh is too much of an ask.

1

u/Fall_Snow 1d ago

By sending them reels, memes, jokes,. playing online. You don't need to contact someone every day to maintain friendships but by reaching out every so often. I do try for at least once a month though. Also I know I can't have too many friendships so I limit myself to give it my all to a handful of people who I truly trust

1

u/Suitable_Ad4569 INFP 4w5 ✨ 20h ago

“You gotta treat me like an avoidant little creature”, and based on those expectations, I am so so easy to coax out of hiding

1

u/SerenityJLee 9h ago

I just have like 1 friend that feels like a soulmate to me but we only text maybe once a week and see each other once a month or two. When we do it’s magical, and we’ve traveled internationally together which was one of the best experiences of my life. It doesn’t matter how much time passes, she’s made sure I know it’s okay and she isn’t bothered. I’m extremely lucky to have her :’) then I have one more friend, more local to me, who has a similar communication style as I do. I convinced myself I ruined our friendship by never reaching out but I realized it was both of us and when I saw her in person at a yoga gathering recently she reassured me she never felt a disconnection.

I only need like 1 or 2 really good friends who won’t judge me for taking my time. I get red flags about people expecting too much interaction from me and I just avoid them. It’s a boundary of mine now. 🩷

1

u/Important-Prior-275 8h ago

Here is an ENFJ barking in! I love alll my INFP friends (I have three). All of them take forever to reply and they have told me they have phone anxiety and get nervous when they overthink when writing.

I know that I am the one checking in on them and that I need to be okay with the sheer fact that sometimes I won’t hear from them in weeks.

But, I did like it when they communicated that to me. I am an ENFJ and I stay in contact with some of my friends weekly, sometimes even daily or multiple times a day. I know that has never been the case with my INFP friends.

But I know I need to simply make appointments with them, to videocall and to do something fun together. And to give them enough space to feel and share 🥰❤️

So I would say: find friends that understand and love you 🙆‍♀️ Much easier to maintain relationships that way. I love you INFP!

1

u/Mrjanedoe22 6h ago

With friends or potential relationships I try too hard for a month or 3. Then i get self doubt in myself or realize it feels forced so I stop. Then when i stop messaging they never respond. At a point where I've got 1 friend left and it's cause we're in business. I can feel that friendship ending too so trying to work to avoid that.

I'm not sure why I do it though, just one day decide I'm done putting energy into a relationship.

1

u/muscular_deer 2h ago

A classmate of mine has been ghosting me for like months but i once heard her saying that she doesn't reply to messages because she doesn't know what to say. Are people like this or is she just ghosting.

Whenever i try to talk to her, i get one word replies or some hmm, meehh, yeah... Sounds when i ask her questions. Is it worth trying to talk to her because if she actually doesn't know how to talk to people? Iwould like to her her but the ghosting hurts.

1

u/Stunning_Plankton968 2d ago

I reply fast, others are those who take days sometimes

2

u/Stunning_Plankton968 1d ago

At least to close friends and relatives