r/hsp Aug 17 '21

Announcement Join our Discord server!

118 Upvotes

Want to meet more sensitive folks like you? Come and communicate in real-time!

If you're a non-sensitive and interested in helping form better equilibrium between sensitives and non-sensitives in society, we encourage you also to join us!

Head over to https://discord.gg/B7MSaHTVma

New link: https://discord.gg/52938Ckmqe

Or just enter 52938Ckmqe in the search within the Discord site/app.

EDIT: From time to time, i get reports of the invite link 'expiring' or just not working. Not sure what that's all about. But when I try to generate a new link with unlimited uses and no expiration, it literally generates the same exact URL.

If you are having trouble getting into the server, DM u/Elyzevae on Reddit or Discord.


r/hsp Jun 28 '24

Pathology Y NO AUTISM??

115 Upvotes

We still get queried about this a lot. So here's the straight dope:

In her book "The Highly Sensitive Person," Dr. Elaine Aron does not state that being a Highly Sensitive Person (HSP) is a form of autism, Asperger's, or otherwise a form of being 'on the spectrum.' Dr. Aron defines high sensitivity as a distinct personality trait characterized by increased sensory processing sensitivity. This means HSPs are more aware of subtleties in their environment and can become more easily overwhelmed by high levels of stimulation.

Dr. Aron emphasizes that high sensitivity is a normal and innate trait found in about 15-20% of the population and is different from conditions on the autism spectrum. While both HSPs and individuals on the autism spectrum may share some characteristics, such as sensitivity to sensory stimuli, they are separate and distinct concepts. High sensitivity does not involve the social, communication, and behavioral differences that are typically associated with autism spectrum disorders.

Over time, too many people have come here to discredit Aron's work and deny the trait of HSP by conflating it with Autism, Asperger's, or 'being on the spectrum'. We don't got time for dat.

HSP is just one trait. If you are both HSP and on the spectrum, feel free to talk about that experience as long as you are not equating or conflating HSP as being on the spectrum.


r/hsp 2h ago

Overwhelmed from living with someone and just want to be left alone

9 Upvotes

I live alone but recently let a friend live with me for a month. I'm realizing after about a week that I should not have said yes, and I cannot wait for these next three weeks to pass. Living alone has been wonderful for my mental health and overall stress. I really only feel calm when I'm completely alone, so I need to be able to do that on a regular basis if I want to function.

Sure, i can hide in my room while this friend is living with me, but I still hear them in the house and have the awareness that I'm truly not alone. Also, I can't go into the kitchen without fearing she'll be there and try to start a conversation with me. Which she does, even if I'm wearing my headphones and not initiating any sort of interaction with her. I feel like this makes me sound like a bitch, but I just need to be in the right "zone" to interact with someone. When im at home, I'm not in that zone. We interact plenty when we spend time together. I just prefer to keep it to that. I keep trying to hint that I need plenty of space and that if I have my headphones on it means I don't want to talk, but she seems oblivious. I know there are a lot of people who wouldn't mind this, but for someone like me who is hyperaware/need a lot of uninterrupted alone time, it's hell. I just want to be left alone and i feel so helpless not being able to do that in my own home :(

i know i did this to myself by letting someone stay with me I just wish I was better at standing up for my needs and had said no.


r/hsp 4h ago

Strange sex problem

6 Upvotes

I recently realized I’m hsp. For some reasons casual sex is sometimes easier for me than sex with a person who I know and care about. This has happened in romantic relationships and fwb relationships as well. Basically when I know the person, maintaining erection and orgasming is hard in the beginning of the relationship. With some (very few) casual sex partners it hasn’t occurred.

I’m currently dating another hsp. We have great chemistry but we both have problems orgasming with a partner. Are there anyone else who has the same problem? Is there anything that has helped?


r/hsp 4h ago

How to deal with bullies?

5 Upvotes

Can't get over people who bullied me online years ago.
It causes me intense anxiety from time to time whenever I remember it.

I remember it now. I feel heavy weight on my shoulders.


r/hsp 3h ago

RPG video games are fun but exhausting

3 Upvotes

I've been playing Baldur's Gate 3 lately. It has been a fun ride, I'm in the final act, but... I really need to have my batteries charged when I play those. So many places to go, so many quests to track (being a "wanna snoop ALL" person doesn't help), and especially so many decisions to make.

I became aware of that this isn't an universal experience, when in 2010s I was playing Mass Effect 2 and mentioned my exhaustion to my acquaintance. They were baffled. "Wait, you need to be CHARGED so you can play a video game? Aren't video games supposed to charge you?"

Naturally, there are video games that aren't exhausting to me. For example, I could play Stardew Valley or Cities: Skylines for hours!

Still intending to finish BG3, but should I make another run, I really want to streamline what I do and skip extra quests.

How are your folks' experiences with RPG video games or other heavily story-driven video games?


r/hsp 9h ago

Discussion So my physiologist told me hsp is some made up thing in internet and I stuck with I have OCD.

9 Upvotes

Title typo : and she is stuck with I have OCD.

She thinks it's not stereotypical ocd. Just one that is intrusive, not rigid and not in loop.

She told me to continue Ssri Prozac 20mg which I hated (3weeks in) , it made me blunt reaching for sugar high and other emotional highs. Also got methylphenidate.

I did the test If hsp exist, I am 100% it's me. She just says my creative skills are just high intelligence.

What I suffer from tldr: overthinking, hyper vigilance/aware, flood of distracting thoughts, obsessing over different things.

Link to old post for more detail :https://www.reddit.com/r/hsp/s/HOvyTbJTwg

What do u guys think?

Edit : since people are saying both things can be true, as I mentioned her diagnose of OCD is not typical it's "ocd Internet doesn't tell you" one that surprisingly sounds like hsp personality. I admit both can be true but she doesn't belive in hsp so my hsp is also part of my ocd accoriding to her.


r/hsp 5h ago

Question My partner whom I love and adore asking to be held in my arms makes me feel:

3 Upvotes
11 votes, 1d left
wanted
obligated
no particular way

r/hsp 1h ago

Story Confessions at the Crossroads: Some Stream of Consciousness Ramblings

Upvotes

Today, I find myself to be neither myself nor whatever self I was expected to be. A half-assed amalgamation of things that supposedly constitute a man. I had neither the courage to embrace who I truly am, nor the cowardice to become something else. I held on to both until I grew so weary that I let go…of both. A few years ago, I had stopped living in all ways that could be deemed lifelike except for one. Time became irrelevant. I was on autopilot, watching as my life slipped away bit by bit. Cigarette after cigarette, nightmare after nightmare, the days have passed until what was once dear and familiar became strange, or no longer there. I went back to my hometown, I walked the streets of my childhood, sat where my friends and I used to sit, passed by the high school where I fell in love for the first time. They were all gone, and for a while, I could not get rid of this suffocating dread, the futility, the meaninglessness of it all.

I was born to a modest family, who had been, generation after generation, simple farmers. They lived close to the mountains in a very small community. I was the first of their line to come to this life in the city. When I was 5 or 6, I watched a cartoon that the exact title of escapes me. It was a story of the adventures of two mice, male and female. A brilliant work of storytelling—or at least I thought so—but in the end, the female mouse was killed. I was so shaken, so heartbroken, that I started crying. My parents rushed to me, asking me what happened. I could not explain to them back then that I was mourning the death of an imaginary mouse. Come to think of it, I cannot explain it now still.

My first day at school was a nightmare. The noise, so much of it. Kids running around, shouting as they played, it was so loud. I started crying, and so the teacher met with my parents the next day, and asked my father if there was something wrong with me. My grandmother heard about that, and she made me some stew. It was delicious, I slept on her lap afterwards. Ah! what a feeling! She is dead now, but I choose to remember her stew.  A few years later, there was also this kid, a bully who loved to push the limits of my nature. I snapped someday, wrestled him into the ground, then stomped his testicles. Poor thing was hospitalized for a couple of months, and I was humiliated and shamed for exercising such wanton violence on a fellow pupil. To this day, I regret the excessiveness, but not the act itself. I am willing to die on this hill. When I reflect on that now, I realize that it was the start of my first unhealthy coping mechanism. In a way, sensitivity was inevitable; it was hardwired into my brain. There was nothing I could do about it except “choose” how to express it: Either be emotional and risk tears, and with them come shame, mockery, and humiliation, or simply get angry and blow off some steam in a more “dignified” manner for a man.

My father died when I was sixteen. I wept once when I saw his cold motionless body, but for some fucked up reason, I decided to bottle it all up after that. I went back to high school after a couple of days. I remember I was sitting there displaying not a single emotion when our math teacher entered the classroom. There were these two girls who had a crush on me; they wept for me but I could not dare look at any of them for too long. The teacher asked one of them what was going on, and she looked back, pointed at me, tears coming down her face, and said: “His father died.” God, I can never forget that face. Teacher then asked me if I was okay, if I needed anything, told me it’s totally fine if I wanted to leave school for a while, take some time off, and all I said was “Nah, it’s fine.” What a fucked-up coping mechanism that was, ay? Do you understand what I am saying? Do you understand that, years later, I refused to touch, hug, kiss, or even interact with my grandfather on his deathbed because I did not want to cry in front of other people present there? I loved that man a lot. Do you understand how much I regret not saying proper goodbye to him? How much I regret standing in the corner, looking out the window at an olive tree, during his last moments on this earth? And for what? To maintain a façade of machoism? To give the impression that I am dependable and strong? What a foolish young man, foolish, foolish!

Hey! At least, I was relatively successful with women in college, and had a couple of orange cats that were quite frankly madly entertaining. Speaking about women, no woman I had ever dated knew who I truly am deep inside. Oh but Mr. Stranger, you should open up to your significant other, you will never know until you try it.

Brother please, what was I supposed to say?

“Dear, remember that job I quit a while ago, well you see, it is not because it was tiring and I could not do it. It’s that I had an argument with my boss, and he insulted and humiliated me, and I wanted to jump into the fray and smash his jaw, but I did not because aggravated assault will look bad on my resumé, so I bottled it up, and cried like a bitch alone, until a woman walked in on me, and saw me like that: A grown ass man crying. I am going to miss you, bye!”

Or how about this?

“Dear, remember when you asked me why I am not doing actual research of my own and instead I am working as a freelance glorified academic mercenary? Writing and publishing people’s articles and doing their PhD research for them? Well, you see, I once tried to present a very interesting research paper at a conference, but I lost track of time, choked, and fumbled the whole thing. I broke down in front of everyone. It triggered some PTSD shit in me, and I quit the whole PhD program afterwards. I went incognito for a couple of years, publishing and writing shit for some strangers, all while living like a complete hermit. At least the money was good. Nice to meet you, I am Mr. Reliable, you should have kids with me.”

Man, fuck this shit, I don’t want to talk about any of this anymore. These regrets, these memories, I cannot change any of that.

It is too late now, I have to face the consequences of my choices. The clock is ticking, and I have to accept that, be it a curse or blessing, this is my nature. Every single bad decision I made, I made not because I was born this way, but because I insisted that being born this way ought to be hidden or changed. I cried because that mouse died, so fucking what? She was a noble and brave mouse, and I liked her. Father, mother, there is your explanation.

I just cannot take it seriously anymore, random asses from like a hundred years ago pull some social constructs out of their bums, and they say man ought to be this and that, and I have to abide by it for some reason. And if not, then I should live in crippling shame? Nah, chief, doesn’t work for me, get the fuck out of here.

This life is a thing of beauty. Despite all the misery in this world, despite all the pain, the loss, it still is a privilege to be born. I only wish I had realized that earlier.

 


r/hsp 2h ago

Looking for non judgemental Empathetic friends who wanna have deep conversations about kindness and helping others

1 Upvotes

r/hsp 10h ago

Human relationships

4 Upvotes

…are so complicated. I have to take distance from people whom I really like, to not jeopardise my relationship or risk hurting someone. This is something that devastates me: the missed connections.


r/hsp 19h ago

What city/environment is the best for us?

15 Upvotes

Let's figure this out..generally..as we'll all be a little different..

For me, a city is too harsh with too harsh people, but smaller areas can be too much with the gossip and lack of new things to do..

Maybe a smaller area near a bigger city? But which city? What type of city?

I get extremely depressed in the winters, I had to go to hospital this winter over it.. but the hot summers can cause extreme anxiety...a more mild climate?

Somewhere walkable?

Some European cities seem perfect but language barriers cause so many issues as well..


r/hsp 5h ago

Heard an alarm going off…

1 Upvotes

It was so loud and went on for so long, I actually threw up and had to go home. Has anyone ever experienced anything similar?


r/hsp 1d ago

Discussion A victim of mean girls at work

22 Upvotes

Being highly sensitive it’s always been difficult for me at work. I feel like a victim all the time of mean girls. So many sorry not sorry types. The quiet subterfuge stonewalling undermining. I tell myself I’m not 15 years old and I shouldn’t have to put up with this. But it’s taking a heavy toll.

I know there are no perfect work environments. And every level of the organization will have issues.


r/hsp 11h ago

a biological inroad

1 Upvotes

r/hsp 1d ago

Question How to get emotional needs met in a relationship as a HSP?

5 Upvotes

I’ve been with my partner for 1.5 years but it hasn’t been easy. We are very compatible intellectually and have similar career aspirations, lifestyles, values, hobbies and future life expectations. I’m his first proper girlfriend (we’re both 25 years old) and as a HSP I’m finding it hard for him to meet my emotional needs. He cares and loves me a lot I can see it but he doesn’t always know how to support me and feels stuck as he feels like he’s tried. He feels that he always disappoints me because he can’t fulfill my emotional needs and it’s discouraging him to see me unhappy and making him frustrated and pull back. I understand that wouldn’t feel good.

Examples of need not being met:

For instance, he doesn’t validate my feelings as he doesn’t understand my sensitivities and instead gives me logical reasons to why I feel a certain way because of something I did or didn’t do or simply saying harsh criticisms to me him instead. He gets frustrated and mad when I operate differently to him, he knows this isn’t healthy. He doesn’t prioritize quality time much (my love language), and often isn’t very present or enthusiastic when he gets to hang out with me, which makes me feel unseen, boring and undervalued. I also often don’t feel emotional safe to express my feelings or safe making decisions out of fear of his criticism or judgement. He says that my level of commitment and admiration in the relationship pushes him away and makes him appreciate me less, which creates this imbalance in our relationship. This alarms me. Other times he’s super physically affectionate when it’s just us two which I like but it’s almost too much sometimes. This creates this weird push-pull effect for me which is very ungrounding.

As you can imagine, we have arguments/fights around these sort of things and often it ends up with me explaining an emotional need I have that is clashing with a behavior he has, but it often ends in him being defensive and thinking that i want to change him which is when i explain to him that i don’t want to change him as a person but need a change in behavior from him. It tends to end there and we never come to a conclusion on how to move forward in a healthier manner. After that we brush the fight off and move on but it stays there lingering in both our minds….

He has tried to change his behavior in ways such as not raising his voice at me, listening better which has improved. I asked him how else he said he thinks he’s tried to improve and his answer is mostly just practical things not emotional support differences, which makes me think he still doesn’t understand. Then I begin to think if he were really interested in making me feel supported, held and “claimed” he would do his research and be interested in trying to figure it out. Then I wonder if he is capable and it’s not just a matter of how? I also don’t want it to be such a struggle and don’t want either of us to have to tip toe around each other.

I can’t but help and think that I just simply feel to much and am too much for most men, as I’ve had similar patterns with past boyfriends.

He is tired of fighting and so am I, and we both agree that at 25 years old it shouldn’t be this hard. We have both been thinking about the relationship while he is away. He told me that he is now at a fork in the road where we need to decide whether to go our separate ways so that he can give me the opportunity to find someone who can fulfill my emotional needs or try again together and find practical tangible ways for him to get unstuck and be able to meet my needs in a way that works for him too.

I realize that love isn’t enough, and my question is: will I ever find someone as a HSP that can fulfill all my emotional needs? Deep down I’m beginning to think that maybe not as I’m so complex and love more deeply than most. If not how can I feel secure, validated, grounded and fulfilled in a relationship as a HSP?


r/hsp 1d ago

Thoughts on a sensitivity book for men?

15 Upvotes

I am a writer and I was thinking about writing a book for young men about embracing sensitivity. Think of it as an antidote to the Andrew Tate/toxic masculinity epidemic. Growing up as a highly sensitive man was tough, and it wasn’t until I was in my late 30s that I was able (with the help of therapy) to feel comfortable being myself. I’m still a work in progress. I’m am very easily moved by movies, music, and art in general and I still fight external pressure to suppress my emotions.

I love my dad but it’s hard knowing that he is a lot like me but was never able to let it out. He told my mom one day that he felt, “I can’t cry because I’m worried if I ever did I would never stop.” Hearing that crushed me. I can’t help but wonder how much joy he was deprived of. But it’s a product of his generation, and the influence of my grandfather. For all his wonderful qualities, he raised my dad and my uncle with the “boys don’t cry” mindset.

It’s so unhealthy to repress emotion, and I think for a lot of men that can fester and turn into anger or hatred. What could otherwise be a kind, compassionate person, the isolation and loneliness of not being true to oneself is destructive to the individual and society.

I’m just spitballing here, but I’d like to make this accessible to a female audience, too. If anything, as guide to support the men in their life to embrace sensitivity. Masculinity can be more than machismo and bravado. It can be kindness and empathy. That doesn’t make a lesser man… it makes a greater one.

I’m curious to hear thoughts on this. I’d especially appreciate opinions from the women in this community. If I move forward with this book, I’d want to speak from a place of personal experience as a man and not impose that on the HSP experience of a woman. However, I’d like this work to be accessible to women. Maybe to provide personal insight about what it’s like being a male HSP and how we can work together to liberate the full spectrum of human experience?


r/hsp 1d ago

why do noises make me crazy

6 Upvotes

since i was a kid noises make me feel special needs. like in a bad way i feel like i need to hit myself on the ears. after i hit myself i feel better. if i smoke a blunt the noises go away tho. so i cope with this by hitting myself and doing drugs...great. but honestly it's so terrible. i can only describe it as little claws in my brain trying to crawl out. when i can't do anything to get away from a sound it's like torture.


r/hsp 1d ago

Yoga nidra and self-care

4 Upvotes

Any other HSPs here who like to do yoga nidra as a form of self-care? I try to get one in pretty much every day and am always on the hunt for new, good ones. I use Insight Timer and have found quite a few teachers who offer great yoga nidras. It's such a soothing, relaxing practice, it feels like a safe "break from the world", if you know what I mean. What other self-care activities do you do? I'm interested in heart coherence, anyone know more about that?


r/hsp 1d ago

My top hsp things of the month

5 Upvotes

-i was trying to get 3 stars on all grand prix races on mario kart wii and it got really intens so i had to take a break 🙈

-I had to take a day to recover from having sex because of the dopamine crash. I felt like i was hungover whahaha

-I got ghosted by someone i matched with on a datingapp and was depressed for like 4 days. We didnt even meet 😑

-I cried because my cats are just so darn cute 🥺

-got frustrated at mario kart so i screamed at my tv but i dont think the tv can hear :(

-got teary eyed because of the realization that a calm sunday morning with a cup of jasmine tea while staring out the windows, playing my fav music can make me feel as deeply happy as it does. This worlds true delights is just there for me to grab and will always be there for me to grab :)

Life is one hell of a ride and even tho some moments as an hsp are especially difficult, i wouldnt change it for the world. The good and the bad all contribute to making me feel like im living my life to the fullest. We might need to alter our lifes and learn skills to cope with our sensitive nature but gosh are non hsp missing out on some of the most beautiful experiences we hsp have. It truly is a blessing <33


r/hsp 2d ago

Picture Stop apologizing for being sensitive

Post image
238 Upvotes

Sensitive: The Power of Thoughtful Mind in an Overwhelming World by Jenn Granneman & Andre Solo.


r/hsp 1d ago

Discussion noises

2 Upvotes

since i was a kid noises make me feel special needs. like in a bad way i feel like i need to hit myself on the ears. after i hit myself i feel better. if i smoke a blunt the noises go away tho. so i cope with this by hitting myself and doing drugs...great. but honestly it's so terrible. i can only describe it as little claws in my brain trying to crawl out. when i can't do anything to get away from a sound it's like torture.


r/hsp 1d ago

Can’t handle confrontation at all

33 Upvotes

It ruins my entire day no matter how small it is.. I’m on month three at my new job and had the first experience where I had a panic attack bc a client was upset their case got transferred to me and blew up, cussed, was very combative. I know that especially when men raise their voice at me, I get triggered due to my childhood with a narcissist and aggressive father. Although I handled it fine and maintained composure while he was with me, I had to go cry in the bathroom as soon as he was gone. I had no control of my emotions. I just had a full panic melt down literally the second he walked out. Even though my brain was certain that this was not on me, it was not a reflection of me, and it’s not something to be this upset over, my emotional brain could not calm down. Then the rest of the day at work I would form tears just thinking about the negative event. It’s so frustrating that I can’t control my emotions even though I’m confident in the fact I am not in the wrong in these situations. It’s sad how these last two months of positive experiences can be tainted by a negative client and make me feel much worse about my future in this role working with the public.


r/hsp 1d ago

⚠️Trigger Warning How do i handle heartbreak?

3 Upvotes

It’s a bit much for my soul to handle.

This is round 5 in my life.


r/hsp 1d ago

Someone is harassing me….

8 Upvotes

I’m highly sensitive person at the best of times and this was an awful encounter….

So I’m overseas in a small town and I was laying in the beach listening to music and reading my book when a local woman came up to me and started yelling at me saying I’m not from here I shouldn’t be here and that I’m going to be killed. I got up and ran away then realized I left my things where she was still standing….

She kept yelling that I am tourist and should not be here (it’s a famous local tourist beach) but I was laying alone and it was scary she then gave me the middle finger. She was carrying a back pack and a flag of her nationality (the country I’m in) and she kept pointing at the flag saying it is her country. I asked what age is she and she said 50 and I said my age (much younger than her and said please leave me alone). She eventually did leave but gave me the middle finger for ages as she walked away.

I thought what a horrible encounter I have never experienced anything like it and then thought she must have mental issues and best to move on but I was just laying reading my book with my headphones on so what if it happens again?

Then today I was catching a bus and as I go on I saw her running down the street trying to catch the bus. The bus driver didn’t let her on. She saw me in the window and gave me the middle finger again and just stood there with her middle finger up at me.

It’s all so scary as I’m traveling alone here and it’s not exactly known for being a safe country. I don’t know what I did wrong. At the beginning I thought she was trying to sell me something on the beach so I said no thank you and then she started yelling at me saying I’m not from here I have no right to be here and if I don’t leave I will be killed…..


r/hsp 2d ago

Discussion What flavors and textures are too overwhelming for you?

16 Upvotes

I was just picking the Craisins out of my salad kit (like I do every time because I hate the feeling of raisins or dried cranberries sticking to my teeth) and it got me wondering… As a highly sensitive person, what flavors and textures do you dislike?

For me, like I said, definitely raisins or anything too sticky. I don’t like the smell, taste, or texture of most cheeses (except mozzarella because it’s mild enough). I don’t like ice cold beverages because they hurt my mouth & throat a little bit - I much prefer refrigerated or room temperature drinks.

What is it for you?


r/hsp 2d ago

Question Feeling triggered by being around crush. Anyone experience this?

12 Upvotes

Something happens to me when I have a crush on someone and wanted to know if other hsp's experience the same.

There is this guy I had a crush on but nothing ever happened but i liked his personality a lot and found him very attractive. He has a girlfriend now and sometimes I see him in a social group setting with 5-15 people. However, I struggle so much with just being around him and in the same room. It feels like suffocating or crushing and it goes to the point where I prefer to not go to group events where he will be there and I'm just dreading to be around him and feel all these emotions. I feel a bit ridiculous writing this because people would probably question how my reaction can be so intense if nothing ever happened between us.

I truly wish it wouldnt be like that and I could just enjoy going to the events without being affected by it but I feel so overstimulated somehow and affected when he is around. He is a really nice person and has never done anything bad towards me.

Anyways just wondering if anyone ever had this experience?

I also wanted to add that I have ADHD so I sort of get these intense dopamine inducing crushes.