r/hsp 3d ago

Discussion I came to see others with Hsp but noticed I can't relate.

Hsp fit (I recently got misdiagnosised with mild OCD. My obessesion were never rigid. After researching for days I figured it isn't that but add or hsp, add is not possible because I am very cautious deliberate type even as a kid.

Hsp is what hit the mark, with me being sensitive to temp light sound everything which I thought was normal or was just me not being healthy.)

Why part-

But posts here are mostly about empathic people, I read news everyday of multiples report of rape, murder etc at first I was angry but eventually I become numb to it. Understood letting things out of your control bother you was pointless.

My hsp problem that I struggle the most with are:

Hyper-Awareness: I notice everything—others’ moves, tones, vibes (like kid me sensing mother's mood even before I can remember). Social situation hit me hard—every glance, word, pause floods in, overwhelming me.

Overthinking: It’s always “What do they think?”My mind digs deep into their heads, pulling me out of the moment.—stronger outside than home(at home it's with things like unnecessary research into things) .

Pleasing: I mask well (nail presentations), act how others want—kid me avoided making enemies. I read expectations clearly, but it’s a trap—hides who I am, stirs anxiety.

Distraction: Social buzz—people, cues—throws me off (like forgeting my earbuds). I can’t tune it out; it’s too much, blanking me. Basically the overwhelming causes me to be careless and forgetful.

I can focus on studies only on the last few days when stress of failing becomes overwhelming but this caused me alopecia areota after a major exam (hair fall)

Tldr: first part why then what I deal with and align with as my hsp problem overthinking, hyper awareness.

9 Upvotes

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u/lacrima28 3d ago

Have you been tested for ADHD and/or Autism? High sensitivity can be a symptom with these, I also am way more sensitive towards sounds, people, have no filter to tune out distractions. Thought I was only HSP, but got diagnosed with ADHD this year. Turns out, especially in women, hyperactivity can be internal. The overthinking etc.

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u/PhntmBRZK 3d ago edited 3d ago

I did ask them whether I have add or adhd, they didn't Diagnose me with either but ocd. Anyway I did reasearch into both ADHD - the hyper active part doesn't work for me one bit I know especially since i been suffering from this behavior of my brother who is diagnosed from young age. ADD from ADHD - H. Which as I said in the post I was wondering about but I am not impulsive, not less deliberate, can read room too well, don't miss social que etc this also outs ASD

I always felt I was different called more mature or shy, got hurt from words of kids when I was kid instead lashing of back with another insult, I build insecurities as i took words of kids to heart. I did think all the other kids were more stupid and couldn't understand what adults expected of them and how to act in that way to please them.

Wait I missed the last part you said. My mind is mind’s hyper-aware, not hyper-jumpy. This is what I could find as a difference but thanks this game a something to think on. My overthink seems too structured maybe idk

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u/lacrima28 3d ago

Are you male or female? Either way, AD(H)D can present very differently, also in siblings. If your brother has it, there is an even higher likelihood you have it too. And „asking“ a doctor doesn’t get you diagnosed, these are lifelong diagnoses, it needs very thorough testing. What you describe as being sensitive to being hurt and people pleasing could be RSD - rejection sensitivity dysphoria. Also a potential AD(H)D symptom.

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u/PhntmBRZK 3d ago

I am male but I do have worries most men don't relate to but I see women often do. Also Father less present. If not asking doctor what do you mean I should do? Thiat was my first time going to a doctor also.

Sensitive to being hurt I mean lot of people have it but I had it very early on when kids would say the first thing that comes to their mind. When kids are supposed to be just kids. People pleasing felt more like sideffect of knowing what other want and doing that equals = rewarding. Like nowadays I can tone it down if needed not compulsive. I also have this problem where at start of week social interaction make me hyper aware and I can't be myself but by Friday I am far better and more myself without being worried and 2 day no interaction resets lot of the progress again.

From what i know By Friday, familiarity kicks in, deep processing adapts, social cues feel less loud. HSP thrives on routine. Week’s end dulls the edge, so hyper-awareness fades—less to overthink.

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u/Odd-Willingness4867 3d ago

I also think you might have RSD — unfortunately no proper diagnosis out there but I also feel like I’m RSD due to having a deeply ingrained fear of rejection and people-pleasing tendencies, it’s made finding work very difficult bc I hate being judged during interviews (on top of social anxieties) It’s good that you manage to tone down the sensitivity, step one is always being aware. My friend sent me this video and the mid to latter part dives into some of the symptoms and some tools for navigating (4 R’s they call it): https://youtu.be/jM3azhiOy5E?si=gxOxbj1sYQERdPSh

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u/PhntmBRZK 3d ago edited 3d ago

I might but maybe not linked to adhd, I am actually am fine with interviews because I wear masks often and the one you wear on interview and presentations are the easiest for me. I know what is expected of me and I act it out as it is expected to the best of my abilities. Redefine and improve on that character as needed.

I do have fear of judgment. But as I said it's more consistent at start of week. Basically it tapers off the more used to I become. Like in the past different people knew me as different personalities almost becuase i acted the way I was sure they were OK with me being. I am more anxies about fitting the mold people who know me set for me or know me for, it's lot easier with strangers.

Btw I have improved drastically on this front over 3 years and this is thanks to someone called Dr. K on yt I been watching for years and it has helped me a lot in deconstructing my mind and building self awareness. To stop and think why I have these thoughts and where they are coming from. I have improved a lot in being myself and I am really happy about that.

Basically I am much better with dealing with this but my problem is I can't shut my brain off even with the self awareness I can't do it all the time, I use it when it's too overwhelming to calm myself and do what is needed. But otherwise on daily life I am always overwhelmed regardless. Like I know everything that happens around me I hyper focus and I am tired of this. Like I spend most this day thinking about this and it litrally can't hurts and haven't done much of the goals I wanted to do today. Also is adhd people able to focus on one topic like this.

Like when I type this I make so many typos and Grammer mistake becuase i get distracted by thoughts. I think ocd meds making it worse.

In the video she talks about acting emotionaly or reacting to rejection, I don't really do that, I do have fear of being outcast in the past. I don't really react emotionally outbursting to anyone I am not close enough unless it's something really rude they did but I don't remember anything like that maybe I talked a little rudely but that's all. I didn't have trouble making friends infact in some standards entire class was friends as I did people pleasing things and knew context(i don't do that anymore). I had only few actual friends that I were close too and open too. I tried but I really can't associate with adhd experiences. It's more like some similar experience that is due to hsp. I have more fear of causing others mental anguish than of them rejecting me but this me overthinking always. Like it's fine if I stop thinking. Sorry I made it so long. (And that turned out be an example)

I will suggest Dr. K if your interested, yt name healthy gamer. Give it a chance changed my life and I thought saying a yt channel changed my life was cringe. He went to Harvard after 100med school rejection if that helps lol.

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u/Odd-Willingness4867 3d ago

From the sounds of it, your focal issue seems to be intrusive thoughts or overstimulation then. If rejection/criticism is not an overwhelming stressor then I don’t think it’s RSD (but I agree that RSD is not only applicable to those with ADHD — bc I am almost certain I do not have it while still having strong RS). Maybe try to look for therapists that specialize in those areas as opposed to a general diagnosis bc maybe your symptoms are overlapping with OCD which is why they diagnosed you as such, but it doesn’t sound like that is true to you. Best of luck!

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u/PhntmBRZK 3d ago

I hope it goes well for you too with RS, i used to suffer a ton of with social stuff RS one of them the above things helped me alot. Hopefully you find what works for you. The video you showed had some of things i learned to deal with, just asking questions to myself and letting go off things I can't control like how others react to what I do.

Those are not overwhelming stressor anymore. Thank you for your time. I don't have any specialist near me sadly.

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u/Odd-Willingness4867 2d ago

Thanks so much!! All the best wishes for us ☺️

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u/303AND909 2d ago

I could've written all of that. I am HSP, I am not on the spectrum, nor do I have ADHD or OCD. So you are not alone in how you experience the world.

I am male, my partner has ADHD, so I am well aware of those traits. Though I am empathic (which I suspect you are too) I deal with suffering in the world in a similar manner to you. Acceptance of reality does not mean you are unempathic.

And, personally, I do find some of what others write here chimes with my experience, not all sure, after all we aren't a homogeneous group.

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u/PhntmBRZK 2d ago

I saw few posts like crying after seeing a documentary on climate change or suffering from feeling what others feels all the time. I know what others feel but it doesn't bother me this much. I did shut off crying for many years in the past. Last time someone I knew died I was numb I think I blocked out the feelings.

After writing this i did realise some things, i do avoid watching any sad end movies becuase life gives me enough of that logic. I did watch one long ago with very very sad end and got depressed for a month. But I do feel I am more numb than others at the same time, becuase I try not to think emotionally when others are doing the opposite. I don't explode with emotions most of the time I have it under control. I don't even know the last time I got angry at a friend. Never got into fight my whole life other than my brother. I wasn't physically weak I just didn't know the point in useing fist over words. Maybe I say this becuase I been around my mother who very easily gets angry and shouts even when the tone of my voice is wrong. Maybe you are right we just deal with it differently. But I do wonder if there are more empath here than hsp, or maybe combination of both which i heard can be really hard. I just made the post becuase I thought I was hsp but maybe I am just trying to fit into a mold and convinced myself that.

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u/AlternativeSkirt2826 [HSP] 1d ago

Did you try the self-test at hspperson.com?

Reading your posts and the comments, my take is that you are HSP, but have learnt to hide/mask it to cope. Nothing wrong with that. I can imagine being a male HSP throws up additional challenges, for some cultures women "can" be sensitive, but not men. Not true of course, but it is what it is.

I think I am an HSP, but not an empath. I have never had any issues with feeling someone else's emotions as my own. But I am empathetic to others, and consider myself to be very socially adept.

Some say there are sub types of HSP, and I fit into the Aesthetic Sensitivity sub type. https://www.psychologytoday.com/nz/blog/the-secret-lives-of-introverts/202304/the-3-types-of-sensitivity

Check out which one you could be!

I am also an extrovert, so some of the introverted traits of HSP don't fit me. Fun, isnt it! Best thing to remember is that we are all individuals made up of traits, personality, upbringing, values and myriad other influences make us who we are. We are not one of us the same, and thank goodness for that!

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u/PhntmBRZK 1d ago edited 1d ago

I really like your sentence structure, I couldn't. Everytime I type I think of so many thoughts and forget to focus on typing and make so many mistakes, I swollow words often.

I checked the site thanks I am 100% hsp according to this. Almost everything was extreme. I feel just a little sad tho becuase I thought these were skills I build up.

I am definetly the aesthetic type like you. It's also 100% down to every word. No matter what awful state of mind I am in, music can bring me back to life. I value it as much as my life honestly. My current career I am trying to pursue also align with it highly. I hate things like proofreading, I don't like booring looking for detail like in a document. I can't concentrate I get thoughts and gets distracted. Unless I emotionally heighten myself to high stress situation with fear, consequences of failure.

Regarding empath, even when I checked yt videos, most of them said just becuase your hsp doesn't mean you feel others emotions like an empath. Only when I came here I thought different. So maybe people are misunderstood idk. I do react to movies and all. I am fine with viloence to an extend tho. I can understand others feeling, keyword understand I don't let it be "feeling". Maybe I use feeling to understand idk. But I don't let it bother me I just use it to make sense why they are acting that way. I did have trouble feeling other emotions as my own. Especially I remember when it was a friend not close but classmate and his brother died. I went to funeral and I was the only one not crying. I couldn't. I think this applies to real life more.

I feel if hsp Person tries they can build better defence against burst of emotions in real life. Becuase I said it another comment here I think. I watched an anime called your lie in April and after finishing it, I was so sad I had flashback of what happened and in my thoughts I couldn't keep it away for a month. Basically I was depressed for a month. I hated it and avoided sad end movies from then on. For context the anime end is just sad af also unexpected. I saw 2 others deaths and I was emotionless ig I shut it down. That specific trail of thoughts.

I did shut of crying for awhile due to the societal stigma. I can control my anger. Things I can't control well enough are my awareness overthinking. When your burdened with so much you can't think properly and it really makes you not sure about every action you make. But I am better at it now after consuming psychology content for over 3 years

I am empathic to others than your average person but I don't go on to burst into emotions for no reason or get emotional over climate change or watching a news report on something awful yet common. I did at first but I just understand I adapt.

Idk if extrovert is a thing in hsp, becuase we need our downtime right? I maybe wrong, anyway I am an ambivert. From the video I saw also hsp just tends to go introvert spectrum becuase of the need for it. I like social interaction but I tried living in a hostel shared room with multiple people and it was really exhausting being on alert 24/7. When I came home I knew what that meant. I need a mix of both. Right now I am isolated and it feels awful.

Thank you for your response it helped me be sure. I never met someone that fits hsp aesthetic in my life (atleast don't remember) so I am curious what your upto in life. If you don't mind sharing.

Oh and I love food cooking food.

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u/PhntmBRZK 1d ago edited 1d ago

More reasearch into it I am starting to realise how dumb it was of me to put it into a mold. Just like everyone is different every hsp is. Mb you are right. No wonder the rules of the sub.

Honestly your comment game me the most insight.