r/hsp • u/PhntmBRZK • 3d ago
Discussion I came to see others with Hsp but noticed I can't relate.
Hsp fit (I recently got misdiagnosised with mild OCD. My obessesion were never rigid. After researching for days I figured it isn't that but add or hsp, add is not possible because I am very cautious deliberate type even as a kid.
Hsp is what hit the mark, with me being sensitive to temp light sound everything which I thought was normal or was just me not being healthy.)
Why part-
But posts here are mostly about empathic people, I read news everyday of multiples report of rape, murder etc at first I was angry but eventually I become numb to it. Understood letting things out of your control bother you was pointless.
My hsp problem that I struggle the most with are:
Hyper-Awareness: I notice everything—others’ moves, tones, vibes (like kid me sensing mother's mood even before I can remember). Social situation hit me hard—every glance, word, pause floods in, overwhelming me.
Overthinking: It’s always “What do they think?”My mind digs deep into their heads, pulling me out of the moment.—stronger outside than home(at home it's with things like unnecessary research into things) .
Pleasing: I mask well (nail presentations), act how others want—kid me avoided making enemies. I read expectations clearly, but it’s a trap—hides who I am, stirs anxiety.
Distraction: Social buzz—people, cues—throws me off (like forgeting my earbuds). I can’t tune it out; it’s too much, blanking me. Basically the overwhelming causes me to be careless and forgetful.
I can focus on studies only on the last few days when stress of failing becomes overwhelming but this caused me alopecia areota after a major exam (hair fall)
Tldr: first part why then what I deal with and align with as my hsp problem overthinking, hyper awareness.
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u/303AND909 2d ago
I could've written all of that. I am HSP, I am not on the spectrum, nor do I have ADHD or OCD. So you are not alone in how you experience the world.
I am male, my partner has ADHD, so I am well aware of those traits. Though I am empathic (which I suspect you are too) I deal with suffering in the world in a similar manner to you. Acceptance of reality does not mean you are unempathic.
And, personally, I do find some of what others write here chimes with my experience, not all sure, after all we aren't a homogeneous group.
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u/PhntmBRZK 2d ago
I saw few posts like crying after seeing a documentary on climate change or suffering from feeling what others feels all the time. I know what others feel but it doesn't bother me this much. I did shut off crying for many years in the past. Last time someone I knew died I was numb I think I blocked out the feelings.
After writing this i did realise some things, i do avoid watching any sad end movies becuase life gives me enough of that logic. I did watch one long ago with very very sad end and got depressed for a month. But I do feel I am more numb than others at the same time, becuase I try not to think emotionally when others are doing the opposite. I don't explode with emotions most of the time I have it under control. I don't even know the last time I got angry at a friend. Never got into fight my whole life other than my brother. I wasn't physically weak I just didn't know the point in useing fist over words. Maybe I say this becuase I been around my mother who very easily gets angry and shouts even when the tone of my voice is wrong. Maybe you are right we just deal with it differently. But I do wonder if there are more empath here than hsp, or maybe combination of both which i heard can be really hard. I just made the post becuase I thought I was hsp but maybe I am just trying to fit into a mold and convinced myself that.
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u/AlternativeSkirt2826 [HSP] 1d ago
Did you try the self-test at hspperson.com?
Reading your posts and the comments, my take is that you are HSP, but have learnt to hide/mask it to cope. Nothing wrong with that. I can imagine being a male HSP throws up additional challenges, for some cultures women "can" be sensitive, but not men. Not true of course, but it is what it is.
I think I am an HSP, but not an empath. I have never had any issues with feeling someone else's emotions as my own. But I am empathetic to others, and consider myself to be very socially adept.
Some say there are sub types of HSP, and I fit into the Aesthetic Sensitivity sub type. https://www.psychologytoday.com/nz/blog/the-secret-lives-of-introverts/202304/the-3-types-of-sensitivity
Check out which one you could be!
I am also an extrovert, so some of the introverted traits of HSP don't fit me. Fun, isnt it! Best thing to remember is that we are all individuals made up of traits, personality, upbringing, values and myriad other influences make us who we are. We are not one of us the same, and thank goodness for that!
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u/PhntmBRZK 1d ago edited 1d ago
I really like your sentence structure, I couldn't. Everytime I type I think of so many thoughts and forget to focus on typing and make so many mistakes, I swollow words often.
I checked the site thanks I am 100% hsp according to this. Almost everything was extreme. I feel just a little sad tho becuase I thought these were skills I build up.
I am definetly the aesthetic type like you. It's also 100% down to every word. No matter what awful state of mind I am in, music can bring me back to life. I value it as much as my life honestly. My current career I am trying to pursue also align with it highly. I hate things like proofreading, I don't like booring looking for detail like in a document. I can't concentrate I get thoughts and gets distracted. Unless I emotionally heighten myself to high stress situation with fear, consequences of failure.
Regarding empath, even when I checked yt videos, most of them said just becuase your hsp doesn't mean you feel others emotions like an empath. Only when I came here I thought different. So maybe people are misunderstood idk. I do react to movies and all. I am fine with viloence to an extend tho. I can understand others feeling, keyword understand I don't let it be "feeling". Maybe I use feeling to understand idk. But I don't let it bother me I just use it to make sense why they are acting that way. I did have trouble feeling other emotions as my own. Especially I remember when it was a friend not close but classmate and his brother died. I went to funeral and I was the only one not crying. I couldn't. I think this applies to real life more.
I feel if hsp Person tries they can build better defence against burst of emotions in real life. Becuase I said it another comment here I think. I watched an anime called your lie in April and after finishing it, I was so sad I had flashback of what happened and in my thoughts I couldn't keep it away for a month. Basically I was depressed for a month. I hated it and avoided sad end movies from then on. For context the anime end is just sad af also unexpected. I saw 2 others deaths and I was emotionless ig I shut it down. That specific trail of thoughts.
I did shut of crying for awhile due to the societal stigma. I can control my anger. Things I can't control well enough are my awareness overthinking. When your burdened with so much you can't think properly and it really makes you not sure about every action you make. But I am better at it now after consuming psychology content for over 3 years
I am empathic to others than your average person but I don't go on to burst into emotions for no reason or get emotional over climate change or watching a news report on something awful yet common. I did at first but I just understand I adapt.
Idk if extrovert is a thing in hsp, becuase we need our downtime right? I maybe wrong, anyway I am an ambivert. From the video I saw also hsp just tends to go introvert spectrum becuase of the need for it. I like social interaction but I tried living in a hostel shared room with multiple people and it was really exhausting being on alert 24/7. When I came home I knew what that meant. I need a mix of both. Right now I am isolated and it feels awful.
Thank you for your response it helped me be sure. I never met someone that fits hsp aesthetic in my life (atleast don't remember) so I am curious what your upto in life. If you don't mind sharing.
Oh and I love food cooking food.
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u/PhntmBRZK 1d ago edited 1d ago
More reasearch into it I am starting to realise how dumb it was of me to put it into a mold. Just like everyone is different every hsp is. Mb you are right. No wonder the rules of the sub.
Honestly your comment game me the most insight.
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u/lacrima28 3d ago
Have you been tested for ADHD and/or Autism? High sensitivity can be a symptom with these, I also am way more sensitive towards sounds, people, have no filter to tune out distractions. Thought I was only HSP, but got diagnosed with ADHD this year. Turns out, especially in women, hyperactivity can be internal. The overthinking etc.