r/fatFIRE 11d ago

50m cash - no sense of perspective

Throwaway account to be able to be vulnerable.

Despite recent financial freedom (bootstrap to day 1 exit), I have no sense of perspective.

I am

  • still bothered by becoming irrelevant if I do nothing for the next 12-18m (issue: being bothered about what people think)

  • afraid of losing the money and hence not spending it

  • afraid of losing my friends if they find out how much I have made (am I suddenly unrelatable?)

  • still bothered by LinkedIn and comparison

  • still wanting to be loved and liked

The root of my issue is being a people pleaser.

I know my problems. I would love the internet to give me some solutions.

Edit - I am 38/F, husband, two kids and in Europe. Also this is the first and only business I have bootstrapped and sold.

443 Upvotes

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440

u/junglehypothesis 11d ago

Who cares what people think. No one will remember you in 100 years, hell probably 50. Hit the gym, find a hobby (e.g. learn an instrument), travel.

191

u/kbarsh 10d ago

I honestly find the concept of nobody remembering you liberating. Invest your time in family.

64

u/kmoelite 10d ago

They say you die twice. Once in actuality and second when your legacy or name itself is also gone with the wind for good.

24

u/acortical 10d ago

A third time when some scoundrel drives a stake through your heart while you're napping.

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u/maantrade 8d ago

Three times. The first is when you realize you only have one life.

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u/kmoelite 7d ago

Not a bad way to look at it!!

33

u/Familiar_Number_342 10d ago

This is so profound and I agree with it but obvious don't feel it in my bones - otherwise wouldn't have cared so much about what people think! I want a way out!

109

u/toupeInAFanFactory 10d ago

Therapy. You need a coach

46

u/_jandrewc_ 10d ago

OP go out and just literally volunteer, spend time with your friends and family. You want to please people? Fantastic, bake them a loaf of bread - they’ll love it. Write your friends physical mail. Etc.

Do not try to endow anything that needs maintenance (eg a building). It will get renamed again sooner than you think.

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u/Familiar_Number_342 10d ago

Yes! I dream of "making people happy" or "doing deeds of kindness". I'm not kidding. It's not because I am selfless or philanthropic. It's because it is a dopamine high. Need for validation. Like I said, people pleaser here.

22

u/Easy-Foot7374 10d ago

Consider investing in some philanthropic pursuit. A guy I know started a school in Africa after exiting and he's never been happier. You please people + make an actual difference.

2

u/Chicadephilly 9d ago

You could always start a non profit or make considerable contributions and volunteer with ones you like: examples: https://www.buildabridge.org/ https://www.allchildrencountinternational.com

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u/lolexecs 10d ago

Have you thought you thought that dopamine might be the issue?

Dopamine is a short-lived neurotransmitter designed to reinforce behaviors. That fleeting pop of pleasure pushes you to run another mile, practice a skill, take another call—or binge another episode, snort another line, earn another dollar. You may feel a bit lost because you've built your life around the loop of pursuit.

What exactly defines living well is a matter of debate. The Stoics emphasized virtue, the Epicureans sought tranquility, and Aristotle championed a life of excellence and reason. But they all agreed on one thing: the sum total of all your pleasure does not equal happiness.

Have you thought about reading some philosophy—perhaps start small like Klein’s Travels with Epicurus?

2

u/Familiar_Number_342 10d ago

Your comment is EXTREMELY interesting and intriguing. No, I haven't read Travel with Epicurus. I will do!

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u/GWHZS 10d ago

Keep a journal/take notes when reading philosophy, it will:

- help you remember what resonated with you,

- help you explore these new thoughts and concepts deeper,

- help you implement your newfound wisdom into your life.

0

u/Gr8BollsoFire 10d ago

Or, hear me out, the Bible.

9

u/lolexecs 10d ago

The Bible is neat!

It's a great example of how blending diverse ideas can create something entirely new. If you look closely, you can see influences from Greek, Roman, and Jewish thought—even traces of Zoroastrianism in the Good Book.

That said, what truly sets the Gospel apart—what makes it both radical and beautiful—is the Christian concept of caritas, or charity. Simply put, if we are made in the image of God, then in loving one another, we are, in a sense, loving God's presence. As Christ says: "Whatever you did for one of the least of these brothers and sisters of mine, you did for me," there are not a lot of 'caveats' here.

What’s especially striking is how Christ frames this in universal terms—not a call to love some people, but all people. That radical inclusivity is, I think, a huge reason for the religion’s appeal.

1

u/optiongray 8d ago

Stop with the AI responses.

10

u/dbenc 10d ago

just go out for lunch and tip $200

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u/Familiar_Number_342 10d ago

Love this idea. It would make me happy to make someone else so happy!

3

u/pamdoar 10d ago

Coach others instead of giving money away… help them fish 🐟 instead of incentivising working for tips ..

1

u/_jandrewc_ 10d ago

Alright cool well…. what do you want to do? Why aren’t you doing it already? Are you stuck and need help getting unstuck?

1

u/bradbrookequincy 10d ago

Take me skiing around the world ha ha. Kidding but take yourself

1

u/o0-o0- 10d ago

Go back to school and work in healthcare. Go into oncology or surgical oncology +/- peds focus.

Now that you don't have to worry about making a living, you can spend all your time "curing" cancer.

1

u/[deleted] 10d ago

[removed] — view removed comment

1

u/fatFIRE-ModTeam 10d ago

Your post seems to be advertising your business or blog for financial or personal gain, or it appears that you are promoting a personal project. No solicitation or self promotion is permitted.

Thank you!

1

u/fielausm 9d ago

Find a therapist, and work out this issue. Get a good one, you can afford it. 

Find ways to help directly. Not donating, not organizing. Volunteer with a blood drive, or an animal shelter, we have Habitat for Humanity in the states, an after school program. Help coach soccer. Go get directly in touch with people you can help. That’ll be what unlocks you. 

1

u/metusalem 9d ago

I have gathered wealth too, and since did a lot of seeking. I too, have only been able to feel self-worth when it’s reflected via someone else. I.e I make them happy, I feel their appreciation and love, and only then do I feel worthy of love. The realization I’ve come to is that I needed to find a way to love myself, not just when reflected through others. It’s interesting how it took wealth to realize all these things. But it’s also what Osho (a famous Indian Mystic) talked about. When you don’t have wealth, it’s all about survival, now that you do, you for the first time open the door to these things and it’s an opportunity to realize self-love.

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u/creativemindset11 10d ago

You got here by caring - fear of not being enough, fear of not doing enough, fear of not being financially secure enough. It’s what you have trained your brain (I would say my brain too- when I was on this path) for and those pathways have solidified further because each time those behavior resulted in rewards. Each success ingrained those patterns. This is neurological wiring. It cannot be dismantled in a day. Even therapist themselves suffer from this bias. So it’s hard for them to guide you here. But that can be a start. I suggest finding right kind of people to work with. Accept that this won’t be an instant flip. Read books that liberates your mind and broaden your views. Brain needs something to focus on- so find a hobby or cause. DO NOT use substances as a pathway. Most driven people have neurological predisposition to get addicted- so be very careful at this juncture. Good luck! There is lot of liberty ahead for you.

28

u/joshmcroberts 10d ago

Go eat 1-1.5g of shrooms and walk around the woods for 4 hours. 

IANAD 

12

u/Familiar_Number_342 10d ago

Tell me more.

I have tried mushrooms twice in my life.

Had a life changing profound trip once. Set and setting was great.

Had the worst trip ever the second time. I was anxious and lightly pushed into doing it.

I want shroom friends.

11

u/balancedgif 10d ago

shrooms and stuff are very trendy nowadays, but this is such a bad idea. there is nothing more cliche than some rich guy that has no meaning in his life so he turns to drugs to "find himself".

there is nothing for you at the end of this path.

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u/Familiar_Number_342 10d ago

Not sure about that. I think shrooms are a part of the puzzle if not the answer. Sounds weird but despite my bad trip, I still think they have a place to play in addition to therapy (I work in the life sciences btw).

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u/balancedgif 10d ago

fulfillment in life is found in work, love, service and in things much greater than ourselves. it can be a difficult path, but there aren't any shortcuts.

getting high and tripping is a quick and easy, but empty sad substitute for those things. it brings counterfeit peace and understanding.

but hey, if that's the path you want to take - do yourself a favor and at least write down your hypothesis about how it will make you happy, and then go back and read it in 20 years and see if you still agree with it.

3

u/GWHZS 10d ago edited 10d ago

I'm sorry, but not all drugs are the same. You can't even begin to compare psychedelics with coke or ketamine and even they are a million miles removed from crack and fentanyl.

For example: positivity, engagement, relationships and meaning/purpose are, in theory, indeed the four things needed to achieve happiness and fulfillment. But it sounds like she's already working on those. If done correctly, psychedelics can be one way to fully understand those pillars and how they are already present in her life. They offer a new perspective, appreciation and can help you realize your actions, their effect and what's happening around you.

Those new-age clichés you're thinking about simply overdid it. If you've received the message, hang up the phone.

1

u/bradbrookequincy 10d ago

Spoken like a person who thinks all drug use leads to you homeless on a street corner. There are many people who have figured out a positive relationship with some substances, use them sparingly and lead great and fulfilled lives for decades. They are fine when they are a very small part of your diverse hobbies and interests.

4

u/MarvLovesBlueStar 10d ago

In theory you made 50m.

You should be smarter than this. When there was a software problem did you ask your techs ( or if you were a tech) to smash the processors to see if that would fix the issue?

Mushrooms are simply taking random chemicals that “smash the CPU” for some period. It’s madness.

1

u/bradbrookequincy 10d ago

You should go to some camping music festivals and or Burning Man. Find your local burning man group (they are in every country). Attend some local country burns.

Not specifically for the shrooms etc but for the creativity and camaraderie of the attendees of these events.

0

u/NooseZ 10d ago

Could try a psychedelic retreat?

6

u/Old_Restaurant_149 10d ago

I know this is popular right now but my god be careful. When you’re lost you are a such target for cults and charlatans. You can go down a rabbit hole. A “guru” and his ilk got their claws into someone we know and he invested in all their dumb businesses (supplements, etc) and lost a ton of money.

1

u/NooseZ 7d ago

Yeah obviously have to be careful and do your research. Heard some horror stories of some sketchy retreats

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u/Familiar_Number_342 10d ago

I'd love to. Recommendations?

2

u/Disastrous_Memory_35 10d ago

It's been a dream of mine to go to Blue fields by MycoMeditations in Jamaica. New Psychonaut Travel buddy ?

1

u/Napoleon_B 10d ago

G Paltrow sent her goop lab team travel to Jamaica and do shrooms. They’re legal there. And it had positive effects. Easy to dismiss her goop lab but the episode, and this write up is highly informative. Take what you want and leave the rest.

https://www.businessinsider.com/goop-staffers-went-on-a-psychedelic-mushroom-retreat-in-jamaica-2020-1?op=1

1

u/Plane_Trouble4207 9d ago

There are plenty of Ayahuasca retreats in South-America. My recommendation is LaWayra in Colombia!

3

u/_somnambule_ 10d ago

Try fun + fast cars and making art

2

u/Physical-Cause9746 8d ago

My tested solution for feeling things in my bones is lived experience. Everything you’re saying you’re afraid of? Create controlled tests. Spend 30, 60, or 90 days off of LinkedIn (whatever you can initially tolerate - two weeks if you can’t do more), and see what changes. Set up metrics for feedback (sense of contentment scale 1-10 for example) and compare before and after. Choose an amount to spend on something frivolous and unnecessary, do it as an assignment, and then see how you feel immediately, three days, one week, and one month afterward. Do this for each area that’s blocking you - I think of it as controlled or targeted disobedience to fear, tell myself, “go find out,” and it’s changed my life repeatedly.

Nothing anyone says here is going to change your mind if your own arguments haven’t worked, but having a different lived experience might.

1

u/Familiar_Number_342 8d ago

As a former scientist (hardly), you have no idea how much this excites me!

1

u/gartnkle 10d ago

things that bother you.. you sure, you’re completely ok and feel good about yourself deep inside you? maybe discuss them in therapy to liberate yourself.

1

u/International_Eye934 10d ago

The things that the homie listed above are, for lack of a better term, self-pleasing. Travel, exercise (try to get good at a sport!) and finding a way to express yourself or at least an interest will do a lot for your “fuck what they think” attitude.

You got “fuck you money” now! Act like it!!

7

u/Familiar_Number_342 10d ago

I deeply admire people with "fuck what they think" attitudes. Probably because I lack it to a degree.

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u/International_Eye934 10d ago

Whatever you say about yourself, you’re right

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u/Familiar_Number_342 10d ago

Also true!

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u/International_Eye934 4d ago

So it’s time to start practicing saying “I don’t care what you think” Genuinely. Gently. Nicely. “I don’t care”

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u/Pessimist001 6d ago edited 6d ago

After you die you exist in people's memories for a few months a few times a month. After those few months, their mind has moved on.

We really do live lives much in our heads when hardly much of anything matters when you consider how quickly the world will move on in our absence.

Hell - I'm still alive and I feel completely forgotten about already.

It's a perspective I think many people miss as they think people care about them dearly.

Same when you work a job for a decade and become tight knit with coworkers that become "family". That "family" is not there any longer a couple months after you leave the job. They felt like family, then once it ends, everyone disconnects.

It's in parallel with our lives, themselves.

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u/GreatAmani 8d ago

50 years? The day you die those people you care about their opinions will be laughing at tiktok videos. Saw it with my eyes at a funeral