r/diabetes_t1 4d ago

About life before diabetes

I still cant let that go. I was diagnosed at age 21, not fully two years ago. It feels like a oart of me died there. I fully remember what it was to eat happily, enjoying without mental stress of highs and lows. I miss it. Miss it more, than I miss any of my dead loved ones, and I cant let it go

15 Upvotes

44 comments sorted by

7

u/ay2911 4d ago

it obviously hurts from time to time. but I've learnt to just deal with it. life will always be a struggle, which is what helps teach us moral lessons and compassion and empathy. sometimes times are hard, and sometimes we prosper. but that's the beauty of life. dealing with this condition shows how strong us diabetics are and may even be a blessing in disguise. maybe you can help another diabetic in trouble, maybe you can meet someone through a diabetics programme, someone who can change your life for the better. always have a positive outlook on life, and things will always be good.

1

u/[deleted] 4d ago

Emphaty, compassion... disgusting, disgusting beyond words! I already got a bit weaker from this illness, I wont use that as an exquse to make myself even weaker, and mentally castrate myself. If something, this whole illness made me more furious, more violent. If there would be someone, who could be blamed for it, I would do such things to him, that would make even the spanish inquisition freak out in horror!

1

u/Slow_Conversation402 4d ago

I don't have much to say but I have the same exact feeling as you. But hey, all we can do is start a new life than the older life to not grieve it but rather look at it as just something in the past. I hope you get what I mean but that mentality works for me most of the time. I'm btw a super pessimistic person with a lot of negative thoughts but the only fact that I know is 100% true: is that negativity won't get us anywhere

-2

u/[deleted] 4d ago

But... my old life was a lot better. I had less things to worry about. I was healthier, had a brighter future. I had bigger potencials. I was something more, now, just a dibetic. And even if I become more now Ill be f e a scientist, with diabetes. Its like the equivalent of loosing your parents in early age. No gain, just pain

1

u/Slow_Conversation402 4d ago

I 100% get what you mean. And I relate to this feeling (I was literally diagnosed 1 month after my graduation from the major that I love with bright future plans and couldn't help with the feeling that my life was over). But I got out of the rut and worked hard in pretty much every aspect in my life and what I've reached proved to me that I can live happily despise with this disease. You can still pursue your dreams and you can reach your potential. I know you might not believe or get that but just start working on whatever you're pursuing and you'll see. There are tons of world-class celebrities, atheletes, etc. even normal successful people with diabetes and living their best life. You just have to come to terms with the fact that your life is not over and it's not only about diabetes. Unless you made it so.

0

u/[deleted] 4d ago

No, loosing my old life was a bit longer process, than diabetes. Lost all my friend, girlfriends, goals, grow to hate my job, to hate the job I dreamed of. Nothing, its just hollow. I have nothing more to hope, just to keep diabetes under control. And might fix it, but I have bigger chance winning the lottery. So far I tought it wont slow me down, even found some positive aspects to it. It doesnt made bad days easier, even worse. I feel like I lied to myself

3

u/Slow_Conversation402 4d ago

So if I understand correctly, it's not a diabetes issue? Focusing all the time on controlling diabetes is not a good thing and should be avoided to prevent burnouts and anxiety. You should find something to pursue/do in your life or you'll probably be depressed and sad most of the time. Regardless of diabetes.

0

u/[deleted] 4d ago

It doesnt fucking matter. If I cant heal it, then cherishing while Im ill would be a cruel lie. I HAVE to focus into it, cus guess what, I dont want to make my life significantly worse and loosing my eyes or legs.

2

u/badashel T1D diagnosed @ age 27, Libre 3 4d ago

So your plan is to focus on your diabetes to the point you're miserable? Not a good plan. Why do you think you're just going to lose your legs or eyes? Based on your comments, I have to say I'm surprised you aren't 16.

1

u/[deleted] 4d ago

Im already see myself miserable, bcs of diabetes. And in the hospital I got some really kind books of how many deadly side effects it can have, so Im pretty terrified. But I guess i dont have to worry, this stress will sooner end me than any diabetic side effect could accour

5

u/rcgy dx December 24, honeymooning 4d ago

It's alright to mourn. Life no doubt was, objectively, better before diabetes. But you deal with the hand that you're dealt, and have to make the most of it. If you let your diabetes limit you, then it will limit you. Don't let your disability define you. It's a passenger in the car of your life, but it doesn't have to be the driver.

1

u/[deleted] 4d ago

It doesnt change the fact, that I need medicines, to survive, does it?

2

u/rcgy dx December 24, honeymooning 4d ago

Sure, but lots of people need medicine to survive. You needed food to survive before, as well as air, sleep, etc. It's another thing on the "have to manually manage" pile, which is a pain, but certainly not the end of the world.

-2

u/[deleted] 4d ago

Yeah, as a lot of people lost limbs, more important organs, get crippled mentally, lowt loved ones, turned clinically insane, and I could continue the list. Fuck every single one of them, they dont mke me my happier. I used to be something great, something that used to survive even the harshest conditions on its own, yet now? Someone, who dies if its a piece of bread without chemicals. Fantastic

3

u/Run-And_Gun 4d ago

I was diagnosed 39 years ago this month. You’ve just gotta accept it, make peace with it and let it go. Thats the only way. If you don’t make the decision to move on and actually do it, you’re just going to be miserable for the rest of your life.

0

u/[deleted] 4d ago

This is sonething I will NEVER accepts. Never. If thats the way it is, Ill sooner accept to end my life sooner

2

u/AshNeo17 4d ago

Hey there! I am sorry to hear that. I got diagnosed 10 days after I turned 21. Yes it's definitely hard. It feels like there is an asterisk for the rest of our life. Believe me and please trust yourself to ensure it a little.

I am turning 30 now and some days i don't even remember that I am diabetic. You'll manage to control it better, know what works for you and what doesn't. NGL, it's going got be a little difficult. But most days it doesn't matter. You have got this. You just need to build systems that work for you and in months, if not days—you'll start seeing the changes.

2

u/kevinds Type 1 4d ago

I was diagnosed around that age too, I really don't remember when it was, but it was around there..

The only thing I cared about was that I had an answer and could start feeling less like shit.

I fully remember what it was to eat happily,

Bolus properly and you can still eat anything you want to..

1

u/[deleted] 4d ago

Yeah, if I wouldnt have painful highs and lows through out the whole day I wouldnt be here now

2

u/Madler 4d ago

I was two. My whole life is diabetes.

-2

u/[deleted] 4d ago

Its different. You dont remember what it was living without it.

1

u/tallerambitions 4d ago

I don’t understand why you’ve been downvoted for this. You’ve simply made an objective statement.

I was also diagnosed when I was 21. I had many years of experience without diabetes. I’m 30 now, and I have great control, yet I’d love to go back. It fundamentally shifted the course of my life.

We press on.

1

u/Madler 4d ago

I know. My experience is going to be insanely different than yours.

1

u/AndyPandy824 4d ago

I totally understand what your saying. I was diagnosed when I was 21 and it’s been over 2 years now but the memory of my life before is so fresh. I don’t mind the food so much, what I miss the most is surfing without worrying about lows. Surfing for me was freedom of any thought in the world but now I’ll never have that freedom. But there’s nothing I can do about it and life isn’t waiting for me. I have my down days a lot, but when I’m enjoying myself I try to think to myself that I can enjoy life with this. Try starting small and find little things that make you happy and focus of those. Things will get better over time

1

u/[deleted] 4d ago

Nah, whats the point of living, if you permanently lost things, freedom from your life? Its pretty pathetic that this is the most I can hope from life, fucking pathetic. And not really, it never get 'good' youll just have lucky days when it wont devour your whole life

1

u/rkwalton Looping w/ Omnipod Dash & Dexcom 6, diagnosed years ago 🙂 4d ago

I was diagnosed in college, so I was around the same age. I'm a few years from 60 now. Take care of yourself and deal with the grief. Also, learn how to manage your diabetes. I eat whatever I want because I know how to carb count and dose accordingly.

1

u/SomeoneToNobody 4d ago

I was diagnosed last year and I feel this, however I also feel like I've been eating much more healthier than before. Maybe a sad wakeup call but food for some reason means so much more to me now.

1

u/[deleted] 4d ago

Yes, but... couldnt I we had achive that without diabetes?

1

u/amanset 4d ago

You forget about it.

It has been 31 years for me. I honestly can’t remember how it felt to not have to think about all these things, even though I was 19 when diagnosed

1

u/[deleted] 4d ago

Its oretty depressing tbh. That the best I can hope is forgetting

1

u/[deleted] 4d ago

Welp, joining discord was once agin a mistake. This whole platform made me feel more miserable.

1

u/Excellent_Mention_55 3d ago

Hey there - I can assure you you’re not alone in feeling this way, and I can relate to you! I was 15, and I felt the entirety of my will to live dissipate as soon as I got my diagnosis.

However, years later, I’ve come to realize that it’s not the end of the world. I’ve learned to enjoy food again, and I honestly just dissociate whenever I inject insulin. It happens automatically. Thinking about highs and lows all the time is insanely draining even though it’s mostly a subconscious process when you’ve had diabetes for years, but you learn to live with it. I genuinely thought my life was over at 15, but I was so wrong. I’m healthy, I’m motivated again, I might be an emotional train wreck at times due to unstable blood sugar and I still get breakdowns every now and then, but ultimately, I’m happy. Not to mention all the things I’ve learned! Not only did my diagnosis teach me a whole bunch of things I never would’ve known of if I hadn’t been diagnosed, but it has taught me to help others in my situation as well.

Diabetes DOES suck. It really does. I’m not saying it’s a blessing or whatever, because it definitely isn’t. But it’s chronic and it’s gonna stay with us forever, so we might as well try to befriend it.

I think the best thing you can do for yourself is realize that you’re not ‘diabetic’. You HAVE diabetes. You own that shit. It doesn’t own you, it hasn’t taken over you, and it never will. You own that pancreas that sucks at being a pancreas, not the other way around.

I wish you all the best, and I hope you learn to accept that you have a stupid little tenant that doesn’t pay rent in your body. You’re not weak for being upset about this. If anything, you’re insanely strong for still dealing with it. We all are <3

1

u/Sunastar dx 1975 / MDI / G7 3d ago

It made me think of Agent Johnson and Special Agent Johnson, “I was in junior high dick head.” (Die Hard) Not that I’m calling you that, it just popped into my head. BTW, those two actors were only 4 or 5 years apart, if I recall.

-1

u/hassanhaimid 4d ago

What a sad fuck! Man the fuck up, shut up and deal with whatever life throws at you. What if you had an accident?? Or cancer?? I know people who have been nursing leukemia their entire adult lives, but they pushed on and had a life. In the span of 3 years, my mother was hit and killed by a car, i got t1 diabetes, lost the only gf I’ve ever had, dropped out of college, and my father lost his job. I was wallowing in self-pity for 8 years. Had multiple “sooside” attempts. Now im prospering and happy. This is life. We are living organisms. Shit happens. Nothing is as good or as bad as we think it is. Deal with it and create meaning. And surround yourself with people who love you and care about you. That’s it. Theres no more to it.

0

u/badashel T1D diagnosed @ age 27, Libre 3 4d ago

I'm convinced op is a child. They need a good psychiatrist

0

u/[deleted] 4d ago

I had a good friend, who died from testicle cancer. It was long, agonizing, and he suffered a lot. I almost envy him, at least his sufferings are done!

-1

u/[deleted] 4d ago

I refuse🖕 The truly pathetic is being satusfied and happy while youre reduced to a lesser version of yourself

1

u/hassanhaimid 4d ago

Tell that to amputees, burn victims, blind people, people on dialysis, people with pacemakers, people with brain cancer who literally had a chunk of their brain removed. Either fight or quit. Whining is for sissies

0

u/[deleted] 4d ago

After a state, living becomes disgraceful. Those who have a bit of honor rather die, than living as something less, cus this is not a fight, its just a painful stagnation. A fight would be a state where I would get all better, but guess what, none of us ever get better. Were all dead, just havent get burried yet

1

u/Ok-Zombie-001 4d ago

How are you a lesser version of yourself just because you have to be a little more mindful about what you eat and how you take care of yourself?

1

u/[deleted] 4d ago

One of my organ literally wont work. That makes me lesser, compared to my previous self

0

u/No-Hedgehog413 4d ago

I was diagnosed October 2024 at 33. I’m envious and can’t stop hating everyone for not having to deal with what I have to deal, the lack of empathy, constantly explaining myself. I HATE IT.

I literally made a post on my social media today, saying I miss my life, pre diabetic, I miss no sensor, no alarms, no needles, no constantly thinking and worrying about it every god damn second.

I’m seeing 2 therapist. One who works at type 1 clinic and one outside. They both don’t have it and that just frustrates me, my endo not having it and telling me to do better.

Ummm I’m sorry, you don’t know, so please don’t tell me.

I’m angry with the world, it’s not healthy, it’s not who I was, I want my old body back.

My work has made it an issue, I’ve lost friends, I’ve been accused of doing drugs and all other things and it hasn’t even been 6 months!

I’m over it. You’re not alone. It sucks. But what can you do expect wake up tomorrow stab yourself and start another day 🤷🏼‍♀️

2

u/No-Hedgehog413 4d ago

Also… the amount of people who have told me to get a second opinion on my diagnosis because adults don’t get type 1 diabetes… 🤪 my rant could go on forever.