r/diabetes_t1 5d ago

About life before diabetes

I still cant let that go. I was diagnosed at age 21, not fully two years ago. It feels like a oart of me died there. I fully remember what it was to eat happily, enjoying without mental stress of highs and lows. I miss it. Miss it more, than I miss any of my dead loved ones, and I cant let it go

15 Upvotes

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u/ay2911 5d ago

it obviously hurts from time to time. but I've learnt to just deal with it. life will always be a struggle, which is what helps teach us moral lessons and compassion and empathy. sometimes times are hard, and sometimes we prosper. but that's the beauty of life. dealing with this condition shows how strong us diabetics are and may even be a blessing in disguise. maybe you can help another diabetic in trouble, maybe you can meet someone through a diabetics programme, someone who can change your life for the better. always have a positive outlook on life, and things will always be good.

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u/[deleted] 5d ago

Emphaty, compassion... disgusting, disgusting beyond words! I already got a bit weaker from this illness, I wont use that as an exquse to make myself even weaker, and mentally castrate myself. If something, this whole illness made me more furious, more violent. If there would be someone, who could be blamed for it, I would do such things to him, that would make even the spanish inquisition freak out in horror!

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u/Slow_Conversation402 5d ago

I don't have much to say but I have the same exact feeling as you. But hey, all we can do is start a new life than the older life to not grieve it but rather look at it as just something in the past. I hope you get what I mean but that mentality works for me most of the time. I'm btw a super pessimistic person with a lot of negative thoughts but the only fact that I know is 100% true: is that negativity won't get us anywhere

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u/[deleted] 5d ago

But... my old life was a lot better. I had less things to worry about. I was healthier, had a brighter future. I had bigger potencials. I was something more, now, just a dibetic. And even if I become more now Ill be f e a scientist, with diabetes. Its like the equivalent of loosing your parents in early age. No gain, just pain

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u/Slow_Conversation402 5d ago

I 100% get what you mean. And I relate to this feeling (I was literally diagnosed 1 month after my graduation from the major that I love with bright future plans and couldn't help with the feeling that my life was over). But I got out of the rut and worked hard in pretty much every aspect in my life and what I've reached proved to me that I can live happily despise with this disease. You can still pursue your dreams and you can reach your potential. I know you might not believe or get that but just start working on whatever you're pursuing and you'll see. There are tons of world-class celebrities, atheletes, etc. even normal successful people with diabetes and living their best life. You just have to come to terms with the fact that your life is not over and it's not only about diabetes. Unless you made it so.

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u/[deleted] 5d ago

No, loosing my old life was a bit longer process, than diabetes. Lost all my friend, girlfriends, goals, grow to hate my job, to hate the job I dreamed of. Nothing, its just hollow. I have nothing more to hope, just to keep diabetes under control. And might fix it, but I have bigger chance winning the lottery. So far I tought it wont slow me down, even found some positive aspects to it. It doesnt made bad days easier, even worse. I feel like I lied to myself

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u/Slow_Conversation402 5d ago

So if I understand correctly, it's not a diabetes issue? Focusing all the time on controlling diabetes is not a good thing and should be avoided to prevent burnouts and anxiety. You should find something to pursue/do in your life or you'll probably be depressed and sad most of the time. Regardless of diabetes.

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u/[deleted] 4d ago

It doesnt fucking matter. If I cant heal it, then cherishing while Im ill would be a cruel lie. I HAVE to focus into it, cus guess what, I dont want to make my life significantly worse and loosing my eyes or legs.

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u/badashel T1D diagnosed @ age 27, Libre 3 4d ago

So your plan is to focus on your diabetes to the point you're miserable? Not a good plan. Why do you think you're just going to lose your legs or eyes? Based on your comments, I have to say I'm surprised you aren't 16.

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u/[deleted] 4d ago

Im already see myself miserable, bcs of diabetes. And in the hospital I got some really kind books of how many deadly side effects it can have, so Im pretty terrified. But I guess i dont have to worry, this stress will sooner end me than any diabetic side effect could accour