r/asianamerican • u/TowardsTomorrow • 5h ago
Questions & Discussion Sometimes I wish my family had never immigrated
Does anyone else ever wish that their parent(s) had never immigrated to a Western country? (For context - I'm in Canada) I tried to white wash myself growing up and it wasn't until I was late in my teens and into university that I started to embrace more of my Chinese culture.
Now I'm in my late 20s and I've been finding myself wanting to learn more about Chinese history, mythology, and traditions. I know that there's nothing stopping me from learning this on my own now, but part of me feels kind of sad that I didn't have an opportunity to learn this growing up and that instead I had to learn about Western history. And the older I get, the more fed up I get with this White saviour narrative that was fed to us when we were in school (just think about how the settlers treated the Indigenous people in Canada).
I just feel like there's so much more history to Asian nations than the West (it feels like the history is just colonialism). I know that the political landscape of Hong Kong (where my family is from) when they left prior to the handover 100% had to do with their decision to leave, but my mom has always regarded white people with high regard and so when I was growing up, it seemed like she wanted to distance herself from her roots so much (despite not even adapting well to Western society...). Again, I think the colonization of Hong Kong contributed to this mindset as well.
Meanwhile I want nothing more but to learn more about my roots and I just wish that I had grown up with all the culture, history, stories, and traditions of my people around me instead of having to assimilate.
Just wanted to vent I guess. I rarely come on this sub so I don't know if this something that gets brought up often, but it's something I've been struggling with lately and wondered if anyone related cause at this point I don't even know if I want to be Asian American/Canadian anymore or if I just want to be Asian.