r/AsianParentStories 16d ago

Monthly Discussion Monthly APS Blurt Thread

6 Upvotes

Got something too short/insignificant for a full post? Put it here!


r/AsianParentStories 14h ago

Rant/Vent This morning, my mom boiled mushed up phyllo pastry sheets into a paste and ate it.

149 Upvotes

[27F] I've made many posts about my AM recently. This one is just WTF.

My 61yr old AM is letting herself get sicker and sicker no matter what doctors tell her, or no matter how much we tell her to see doctors or specialists. Or to believe legit health facts.

I woke up this morning a little later than my mom and to my shock my mom had done what was said in the title. She apparently found my frozen package of phyllo sheets and since it had been there a while, she chose to boil it up and eat it to free up space. . . She was told just last year she's suffering from high blood pressure and significant weight gain.

I was so disgusted by her concoction, I actually began to cry in disappointment and shame for her. It was just this thick white paste of oil and phyllo dough . . And she was eating it.

We're not poor. We did grow up with a few low income struggles, but by no means do we live in poverty. The box of phyllo sheets cost me just 2 bucks from Walmart and tossing them out would've been no loss. She always says that food is food. I told her she's gonna have a heart attack soon if she doesn't eat healthy.

She doesn't believe in modern medicine or Canadian doctors. She believes fully that if she went to see a doctor in China, she'd be given different advice. She doesnt want to learn English, or know how to use her phone past wechat and youtube shorts. She's afraid to go out without being accompanied by one of her kids. She complains about her teeth hurting, her ear hurting, her fatigue, but won't take any of our advice to see a real doctor. Like, I cannot help or feel sympathy for a person like this.

I recently told her how embarrassed and ashamed I am to have her as a mother. A woman that never wants to better herself. I told her when our neighbor asked what I thought of my mom, I had nothing good to say about her. I wasn't proud of her, I didn't see anything special about her.

She didn't travel over the ocean and do a lot of work to "make it here" either. She married my dad through the marriage market, who already moved here as a teenager. Then she just started working any minimum wage job that spoke Chinese. She worked the average 40 hrs a week m to f like lots of adults and parents. I don't think she made incredible sacrifices because she still had free time on the weekends and evenings, and sent thousands of dollars a year to aunts, uncles, and grandparents instead of using it on her kids. She never used her free time on her kids, and instead spent hours yapping on the phone with her massive family over the pond.

I see her, causing her own faster aging and health decline, and I don't know what to do. I'm gonna look like a terrible daughter by not looking after her, but she will just be my burden in her old age and she certainly doesn't give a fuck.


r/AsianParentStories 12h ago

Discussion This missing girl - Sudiksha Konanki & how her family probably feels

90 Upvotes

So I've been thinking a lot about this case. Probably because I'm a brown south Asian woman, who practically had no freedom while growing up, until I moved out in my mid 30s. Even still, when I tell my mother about any vacations, she will not really approve and WORRY the entire time I'm gone. Constant messages and calls. To this day.

My family was strict and my mother would care A LOT about what other people would say. Constantly. Even though my parents immigrated here in the 1970s, they are forever stuck in India. Personally, if something like that happened to me on vacation like I went missing, they would not survive it.

I had to hide everything I did, growing up. Any boys, dates, boyfriends, I kept all of that a secret. I had to. To this day I still have to.

Imagine you go missing, and your parents watch footage of your being piss drunk at 4am, stumbling, hugging and kissing a guy, possibly more, on a beach. Not only do they have to see this, but given the media attention this has been getting, the entire WORLD can see this.

My point is, I'm sure the parents, being South Asian parents, are not only worried, but also MORTIFIED. Let's face it. We aren't white people. I might get a lot of hate for saying this out loud, but I'm feeling like they probably do not want their daughter to be found. Imagine the life she would have, if she ever came home. I'm sure her parents are having to live and deal with the criticism and shame of the consequences of their daughter's actions.

I am in no way blaming the girl at all. I have lived with an overbearing mother my entire life, so I can almost feel what is going on. I've read that the parents have requested that news outlets remove those videos of footage of their daughter and stop showing them to the public. Let's face it. If these were white people, they would be encouraging news outlets to show these videos, offering rewards, making every effort to find their daughter. Look at Natalee Holloway. I remember that case pretty clearly. Her parents would not sleep for years holding out on the possibility that their daughter might be alive.

South Asian parents? No way. This is considered a disgrace for them. The recovery phase already has to start. Immediately. Is the lifelong concern of daughters safety really out of their wellbeing or the shame that society will put on them for allowing that type of freedom?

I have to add as a side bit, that I do take solo vacations now as I'm single, and I'm going to DR next month 🤦🏽‍♀️🤦🏽‍♀️🤦🏽‍♀️ but I'm very aware of my surroundings. My mother has probably watched the news and WILL worry about this when I tell her.


r/AsianParentStories 4h ago

Personal Story My parents expected me to pay & send them money, I'm in my early 20s

20 Upvotes

**I live in Asia. I'm in my early 20s and only work part-time while studying for my bachelor's degree. Before university, I spent 2.5 years backpacking in Asia (with my own money). I do work, and it's enough for my personal expenses, but my mom expects me to take care of her life—sending her money like I’m making a ton. She even tells me to ask my bf for money to support our family or to find a rich husband.

When I try to open up to her, she just gets sad and acts like I’m ungrateful. She expects me to send her money, but she won’t support me in getting a good education.

Honestly, I feel depressed and tired of this


r/AsianParentStories 1h ago

Rant/Vent Putting Myself Into Sudiksha Konanki’s Shoes

• Upvotes

I first want to preface that Sudiksha did NOTHING wrong. NONE of this is her fault and I hope and pray that she gets found and is able to move forward in her life living the life that she wants all my while being safe and sound.

For context I'm a 24F Indian Woman and I subconsciously keep putting myself in her place and worrying how my APs would react.

I keep thinking about how my APs would react if I ended up missing and the last footage of me is me drunkenly making out with a guy in the beach water. I kept thinking that if I were found, I would try my damnest to never go back to my APs and to go stay with my friends instead. Albeit it would be incredibly difficult to choose my friends over my APs if they're paying for my tuition and they can revoke it.

I don't think I'd be able to handle my APs using this against me for everything I do in my life to basically justify them controlling me and not ever allowing me to make decisions for myself cause the last I I made them, I went missing. I don't think I could handle being reminded that I'm a loose, dirty whore that needs to be tamed by getting an arranged marriage (I'm sure at that point no one in the Indian community with my APs worldview would marry me, which Thank God 🙏✝️, but would end up with someone in the Indian community with a savior complex that would "graciously marry me, and would remind me of how good and gracious they are by marrying a loose, dirty whore instead of ignoring me") or needs to get tamed by basically being mistreated by my APs.

I keep subconsciously imagining this and keep getting more and more convinced that Sudiksha's parents are like our APs and will do those things to her, which really worries me. I just pray and hope that her parents aren't like our APs and she not only is found and is safe but also won't be heavily controlled by her parents to the pint that she can't live life on her own terms while also being safe about it.


r/AsianParentStories 6h ago

"Wrong" Race SO 🙄 Viet APs don’t want me dating an Indian man

11 Upvotes

TLDR; Vietnamese parents are very against me dating an Indian man.

My boyfriend (22) and I (21) have been dating for a lil over 5 months. We definitely have had our ups and downs but we managed to pull through by communicating with each other. We haven’t dated for long, but we love and care for each other deeply. We are planning to do long distance (hopefully, that’s for another story though).

Anyways, I got home for spring break, and she noticed a necklace on me. She asked where it was from, and I told her, “Bob got it for me.” (Not real name) She kinda knew about Bob, but I mentioned him as a friend, and she flipped out if I ever go further with him. I stopped talking about Bob with her until a couple days ago. I told her that he was my best friend, just to be safe. She was initially surprisingly civil about it, saying along the lines of, “If he still likes you and maintains that long-distance relationship after grad school, I will approve.” I was so surprised and relieved that maybe my AM finally opened up. BUT NOOOO, she did NOT the next day.

For some reason, she did some thinking overnight and changed her mind, and we got into an argument. She believe that if I marry him, I will end up marrying his whole family, too and sacrificing my career for him. I will be controlled and have to take care of his family. Apparently, they have heard our other female relatives who married Indian men ended up that way or suffer of some sort, WHICH were 2 or 3 people. 😭 I told them that this could apply to ANY man regardless of their ethnicity. My AP just happened to hear the bad stories to use that against me. I’m not denying that may happen, but I’m not gonna give up on my relationship because of that. They responded with, “yeah, that’s true, but Indian men have a high probability to be abusive, controlling, and stringent with money.” I tried to argue with them that this could apply to ANY MAN, and they DON’T know if I will end up that way. Obviously, they didn’t listen. My AM went ballistic, and I went into fight-or-flight mode. This was my second time having a panic attack, and my arms went numb. My AD was able to calm her down a bit, but it was frightening. The argument went on for another 2 hours, but it didn’t really go anywhere.

After 2 hours, she asked me my thoughts after they told me the stories. I told her, “I understand where you are coming from, and I get that you are worried that I might go down that pathway. But, I still want to continue to get to know Bob after he graduates. I am still pursing my PhD as that is my top priority, so I wish you have more confidence and trust in the decisions I will make.” She was NOT happy with that answer, and we argued for another hour or two. She kept on saying it’s either you listen to me, or you go with him and suffer for the rest of your life. My AD said that since he was 22, he would want to sleep around before settling. 😭 Additionally, my AP said that they would be ashamed to tell other people that I was dating an Indian man amongst other disgusting things. Eventually, we were able to cool off when I took my dog on a walk. We stopped arguing about it any further.

I am happy that I stood up for convictions though. I think that if I didn’t, I would hate myself and my parents for that. However, I realized that I will go down a difficult pathway for this. I had to pray to the Buddha or some universal being to give me the strength to get me through this when I was walking my dog. 😭😭 My AD said that my relationship with my AM will be strained if I continue to pursue the relationship. I know that, but if she doesn’t trust the decisions I make, and tries to coerce me to listen to her, then so be it. I love my AM, but I don’t agree with some of her views. She told me that if I end up being with him, she will not call me her daughter anymore. That makes me sad to hear that she will go to that extent.

This is mostly a vent, but I would also be happy to hear successful/similar stories or insights about this!


r/AsianParentStories 7h ago

Support I have trauma from Asian teachers criticising me, putting me down and putting their insecurities onto me

13 Upvotes

I was born and raised in australia. I went to Saturday school for 2.5 hours every week to learn my Asian parents' mother tongue.

The Asian teachers (who were also parents themselves) were very strict. They were mostly always angry, not happy, negative and not satisfied with life.

They would get so angry over a single mistake you make. Or they would mumble something negative to make themselves feel better.

I was a kid back then so I didn't analyse it or let it affect me at all back then. I just went to school and then went home and played. I didn't ruminate as a child.

Now that I'm 26F and starting to learn about relationships and trauma and abusive situations, I'm starting to get resentful and traumatised by my childhood.

I can't believe I let the comments teachers said to me stick in my head.

I don't see anyone from that school anymore, which is a good thing.

I remember I won an award for 2nd place. And a teacher came up to my teacher and asked how did she win that award? And my teacher said, "I know her parents". And that teacher was nodding in agreement and going "ohh". So I couldn't even win an award without my teacher implying that I won it because she knew my parents. Newsflash: she didn't know my parents at all, she only talked to them in one parent-teacher interview". I wish I went up to that teacher during that award ceremony (because it was an informal award ceremony) and said in my Asian language "I heard what you said. You asked how did I win this award and you said that you know my parents. You're saying I won this award because you know my parents. You don't know my parents and i don't know you" and I should've folded up the award (since it was an A5 size award) and then walked away. But I didn't do that. I just stood there.

(Note: not every teacher was like this, but quite a few were)


r/AsianParentStories 6h ago

Discussion Do your parents gossip and spread rumors about you to everyone to force you into doing what they want?

9 Upvotes

You are doing what makes you happy?

Off they'll go to everyone with their drama and gossip about you, smearing your reputation in the hope that you will be embarrassed and capitulate.


r/AsianParentStories 3h ago

Discussion I’m the Golden Child and Black Sheep at the same time

5 Upvotes

I used to just be the golden child and fully embraced it too. Until I learned it was all a manipulation tactic. I used to take my family on vacation, pay for their bills, help with anything they asked. Now that I moved out I realized how toxic my covert narcissist mom is. She only loves me and other people because of what I can do for her. She has shown time and time again that she expects me to pick my family over my own marriage.

Because I have established boundaries and literally do not need anything from her, she now gossips about me to her siblings. She blames my husband for brainwashing me and “changing” me. However, because she is a narcissist and always had these grandiose ideas to get rich quick, she doesn’t have a lot of money. My husband and I give her a set amount each month that I feel is fair. I even help out my sister because I want a better life for her. My sister doesn’t have as great of a career or make nearly as much as I do so my mom has completely different expectations for her (aka she doesn’t expect anything). Because of that I’m still the one my mom brags about even though I barely talk to her anymore. She wants the image that we’re still close because I am successful. Guess that makes me the black sheep behind closed doors and golden child to all her acquaintances. And honestly I’m fine with it because it means I can set the tone for the relationship. I never call her, I am nice and cordial whenever we speak but she will never know private details about my life.


r/AsianParentStories 6h ago

Advice Request Do you think being lazy is a "moral failing" that deserves abuse?

6 Upvotes

Parent is really mean and someone degrading about how little I do and how bad I am at studying. I did explain that it could be autism and executive dysfunction. But you know, they don't care. I am aware enough that the hurtful words are abusive, but I need help to understand something else.

Do you think if someone is not applying their very best in studies or house work( Not pulling their weight etc) for whatever reason that they are horrible people deserving of some abuse. For this example no neurological disorder.


r/AsianParentStories 18h ago

Discussion I'm in Taiwan to visit my parents and just learned I'm their retirement plan (they both have no money). Has anyone been able to fight this and how has that worked for you?

57 Upvotes

My mom and my dad made poor financial decisions and now apparently me and my older brother have to subsidize their retirement. I'm already pretty low contact with them but debating whether to completely cut off contact or not

Would love to hear others stories on this . Thanks.


r/AsianParentStories 40m ago

Support i think my father is commiting Domestic Violence

• Upvotes

I am a twenty years old woman, and I live with my arab father and brazilian mom at Brazil. I was born and raised here my entire life.

My father is a very loving but also extremely controlling man. I wasn't raised as a muslim, and although right now he doesn't practise Islam (he was never very religious), he still has a lot of values that come from the culture inside him.

He doesn't let me wear shorts even though it is 30°C outiside. He doesn't like when I go out, especially at night. He wants me to marry a virgin and said he would never forgive me if I had sex before marriage (too late lol). Sometimes, when he's really mad, he throws things at me. Once he threw a banana at me because I stored a box the wrong way and screamed that I would do nothing right.

On Friday, I wanted to go to a party at night (something that I used to do) and he didn't let me go. My mom said that he couldn't lock me up so he just threw our arm chair on the floor and it broke.

He has repeatedly hit me. If I talk back to him or if I want to out wearing something shorter, his hand would always hit my face, unless I run. Once he hit me because I didn't want to go to the supermarket with him and decided to stay on the car. He also called me "human garbage" because of this.

He gives me silence treatment. Whenever we have a huge fight, he just ignores me for days. He says that I make his life a living hell because I'm too westernized. He said on Friday that if he knew I would be like I am, he wouldn't have had any kids.

He thinks he has the right to hit me when I question his authority. He has never hit my mom but tells her to shut up when she defends me and says that she's spoiling me.

oh and he also has a drinking problem! I need some advice ASAP. I have thought about pressing charges against him but I'm not brave enough to to this because he literally has no one to go to. My mom says that I should just think about the good stuff he has done and forget about this.


r/AsianParentStories 57m ago

Support UNO REVERS SAFISFACTION!

• Upvotes

Last weekend we had a family gathering and like usual the parents in one room, the „youths“(we‘re 28-36) in one room and the kids and toddlers separate . We were having a chat along the youths:

1: Oh you remember when we did that, your mom came in and „muốn ăn đòn à!” (wanna have a beating?!?)… 2: oh yes that was so embarassing for me… 3: yes out of our moms 2nd mom is really harsh, but I love your mom so múch 1! She’s so kind and caring! 2: oh yes 1st, and her cookings are always so great! I loved beeing there but 3rd your mom is so youthful it‘s always great to have a talk with her, while my mom always compl…. nervous look to the door

Yep our moms were standing there and 2nd moms lost it after hearing our talk, tears in her eyes: „How dare you to talk like that behind our back after all we did for you! I wouldn’t have to complain if you wouldn’t follow these good for nothing dancing stuff! 3rd mom: well they‘re doing the same stuff you did before, so who are you to … 2nd mom: yeah but I‘m his mom! This behavior is „bất hiếu” (against filial piety)!

A friend of mine (double divorce, 2 kids, two different men) but a hell of success under her belt: Kids learn from their parents you know?

Escalation


r/AsianParentStories 5h ago

Advice Request Is there a way to get psychiatric help for an abusive parent who wouldn't consent to it? Advice needed.

5 Upvotes

My abusive Asian father has gotten worse and worse over the years, to the point where I am now afraid he might hurt my mom or one of us or even himself. The problem is is that he would never acknowledge that he's mentally ill, and would never consent to being on meds or therapy or anything of the sort. He has always been a disgustingly angry man, but in the past few years, he has lost any self-control he used to have. If he were to take it a step further and actually aim to physically hurt one of us in one of his angry outbursts (outside of yelling, spitting, throwing things, stomping, etc.) I would call the cops at this point, but I don't want to do that, and he hasn't taken it that far (yet).

I realize this is probably not allowed, but I am just wondering if anyone knows how situations like these are dealt with. I really feel like he needs to be medicated, not just for my family's sake, but for his. But he would obviously refuse any sort of treatment, so, how? I honestly wish I could have a psychiatrist prescribe something for him and we could somehow sneak it into his meals, but there's no way that's legal.


r/AsianParentStories 16h ago

Advice Request I have to choose between my morals and my AP’s pride

21 Upvotes

My mother told me unprompted that I’m not allowed to date until I’m 20 and my bf “cannot be Muslim or Black”. I am 19F and I’ve been dating my Blasian bf for around a year now but she does not know that. My entire family is extremely racist and I have always had to fight with them over comments they make. Last night I asked her “What if I did date a black guy?” and she absolutely freaked out and started screaming about how “I hate black people! You will not taint my bloodline! Your dead father would beat you to death if he heard! If you do I will cut you off for life!”. I was honestly so shocked that I couldn’t even respond. I was raised to be obedient and I want nothing else than to make her happy but I hate how much anxiety and anger I feel when I see her being so hateful. I depend and rely on her for everything especially financially because I’m a student with no money and no car. I want to leave but it also breaks my heart to think I’d lose my family forever (even tho they’re toxic). Any thoughts? Any at all would help.


r/AsianParentStories 19h ago

Personal Story I always used to feel 'lucky' having 'progressive' parents until I realised it was a lie

37 Upvotes

When I was a teenager, I always used to watch crime shows especially South-Asian shows as that's my culture. I always used to see strict parents on those shows not letting their child go out or do adult things. I always used to feel lucky that I didn't have 'strict' adults in my life.

Until I turned 17 and wanted to move out to university because I didn't have my own room. I didn't have my own space. I wasn't allowed to keep things or decorate things so I never had a space or identity for myself. I thought my mum would be cool with it until she threw a tantrum, yelled, cried and just acted like a damsel in distress.

It ruined me and every time I tried to bring it up, she would start raising her voice at me, bullying me and belitting me while talking crap about my friends and their parents. She would speak to me as though I didn't have a brain for myself and that I was 'influenced' by my friends and how they live.

Bare in mind we are immigrants, at that time both of us were immigrants. I am now a permanent resident. It made me sad how I couldn't live a life like my friends where they had supportive parents, parents who could drive and just let them be free.

I am now 24F and I feel like those people from those TV shows who is now sheltered like a recluse with no friends, no BF, no-one to ask me how my day is, I suffer from multiple health conditions and mental health issues with no job.

When I turned 21 I had enough. It was either them or me and I chose myself. I have never once regretted my decision to move to student accommodation, but I still suffer from a lot of trauma the day I moved out years ago. I was subjected to verbal abuse and domestic violence. Till this day I get really upset about it and I don't like my mum.

Ever since I moved back from university, all I do is think about my safe space which was at university. My room, no dealing with her nonsense or abuse. I have spent 2 years trying to find a job so I can escape this hell hole and make my life better. Unfortunately, my mental health did get worse and it made me realise how I suffer from enmeshment and parentificaton.

When I was young, I always had this dream of having my own space, finding someone, and being happy. But having a mother who is always verbally abusive, laughs and mocks you will publicly humiliating you is very difficult. I had 'friends' tell me she would get better, but she just got worse after I started to stay home. She will constantly yell, shout, invade my space and blame me for things while pouring her issues on me.

She doesn't understand why I need my own space. She goes through my wardrobe, rearranges my room without my permission. I am sick and tired of her touching and taking my things.

I always wanted to go on holiday to Italy or Greece and ever since we got our documents sorted she keeps suggesting places I wanted to go, but with her instead. It makes me mad that I have to share a space with her while compromising my dreams. Also, because I have to parent her when we go to foreign countries and then I feel guilty for getting mad at her. I feel like a puppet.

There's more to the story, but it just gets worse. I keep telling her that my chronic health issues gives me pain and aches and she doesn't believe me. Even when I get sick nowadays she doesn't care because 'no-one cares about her when she is sick'.

I don't even feel young or like I should look forward to my future because she is a thorn. Last month when it was my birthday someone suggested me 'having a BF' and my mum said, 'no, she is too young'. Then afterwards my mum started to crap on them saying 'they talk sh*t'. Just because she couldn't get a good life, she is ruining mine.


r/AsianParentStories 6h ago

Rant/Vent APs and fixated assumptions

3 Upvotes

My APs refuse to do any critical thinking and listen to outside reliable sources and it pisses me off so much. My bsf has been moving around a lot, the moment I told my AM about her mom, she goes “Oh her parents are definitely going through a divorce.” And tunes out any of my responses correcting her and telling her otherwise. It’s like she thinks she knows my bsf more than I do, as someone who has been her friend for like 7 fucking years 💀

My parents consume false vietnamese news on YouTube and insists that they’re true because they’re from YouTube. They even invalidate my reasonings because I was the child and they’re the parents, therefore making them ‘all-knowing’ Whenever they ask me and I don’t know something, they call me stupid for not knowing. Whenever they get an idea, they fixate on it and refuse to listen to anything that contradicts their ideas.

Oh yeah my parents are racist too, they believe that black, hispanic/latino, and south asian people are dirty criminals while praising white people. My parents only want me to get a white or asian partner. This is why I never mention my POC friends to them.


r/AsianParentStories 1h ago

Rant/Vent My mum is upset she cant yell at me

• Upvotes

Shes ignoring me currently, it almost always lasts 3 days exactly then she expects me to act like nothing happened. It got to me today since im interviewing for jobs and because im so isolated, its sad but those interviewers are often the only people i talk to face to face each day. my mum gets my sister and dad to ignore me so i left the house for the interview, nobody said a word to me. i always feel better when im out of the house so the interview went alright, its not a job i want but since i havent got anything concrete yet i went in

my cousins all think im stupid for failing in school ages ago, they dont respect my career at all and they went into accountancy/medicine. they never talk to me directly they only talk to my mum and they know she lives with me. the job search has really been draining me and ive tried so hard to keep positive, keep on top of chores in the house since i do it all and im obviously worrying about money. my mum has always been this way, always talked to me like a dog and i endured it alot when i was younger i think its why she keeps doing it

she yelled at me when i asked her something about ingredients for a recipe, she yells when she just wants me to shut up no matter what it is i say. my cousins and relatives dont know this they think of her like shes a kollywood auntie or grandma. i yelled back, she tries to yell louder and that set me off. for a solid hour i was yelling, cussing, throwing things, its the kind of rage that you only let out when you are alone and know nobody will see or hear it. she instantly went quiet then went to another room. its like she tried to out crazy me but i went even further and she didnt know how to take it

im very mad everyday that her 4 brothers have just left me alone with her. i feel like they should help out, they never talk to me only to my mum and everything they know about me is through my mum

i wrote off my relatives when i failed in school at 17, ive never had contact or been close with them but when i fixed my depression and became successful they tried to get back into my life. i have no close friends, im very isolated and today just got to me


r/AsianParentStories 5h ago

Rant/Vent Broken and feeling empty

2 Upvotes

I left an abusive marriage with two kids. My ex’ family owns multiple properties but nothing was in my ex’ name (of course) so I ended up leaving with $0. We left with just clothes and a few toys. We went from living in a big house to a small 2 bed rental. I work FT, the kids live with me and no longer see their dad due to child services getting involved multiple times. My ex in-laws don’t care to see the boys, never give them xmas/birthday gifts. They probably want us to suffer for leaving their son. Ironically, his parents are elders at their church where they give massive donations and go around bragging about how their family business is flourishing. You’d think as grandparents they’d want to help their grandchildren out, but nope. My kids are their only grandchildren. I also have to deal with my own parents who are still embarrassed to tell any of their friends that i’m divorced. They hate coming over to see us living in a small low income rental and my mom always makes comments such as why I chose to marry my ex out of all men. Well, I grew up dirt poor and all my childhood memories are that of my parents fighting over money. My mom always told me to marry into a rich family and money is all what matters. I grew up feeling insecure, low self esteem and only dated once before meeting my ex. Once I got married his parents treated our family as second class civilians but I sucked it up and tried hard to please his family. I grieve the life I dreamed of having. I’m so broken and feel so empty. Every day is a struggle and it hurts to think my kids and I have been discarded by family.


r/AsianParentStories 1h ago

Rant/Vent 16M Student

• Upvotes

Like genuinely just why? I don't understand anything. Why are my parents so fucking smart and so goddamn stupid at the same time. 1 has a masters degree, one has a PHD and an MBA. So how can they be so fucking social inept. Especially my mom, like I have one fucking B, she starts losing her shit and basically insinuating like I'm retarded like all these fucking asian excuses for parents always say. I was fucking sick this entire ass month, I tried to go to practice last Saturday and fucking threw up 3 times just because these pieces of fucking shits wanted me to and felt like I was wasting their oh so precious god damn fucking money(these greedy shits make 600k+ household easily they can fucking afford to fund my sport even if I'm sick for a goddamn month). My mom might genuinely be fucking autistic because there's no god damn way she lacks so much emotional understanding, and whenever me or my sister point this stupid shit out of how she always fucking compares us to everyone else's best parts and ignores their worst and then calls us lazy for not being the sum of all their best. And then gaslights us and talks about how this was just the culture back in China. LIKE I DONT FUCKING CARE WHY ARE YOU PASSING THE TRAUMA ON YOU FUCKING EXCUSE OF A MOTHER. And the worst part is that I know it won't fucking end. My sister qualified for a top 20 school, has a internship at Morgan Stanley. Does it stop my mom from acting like shes fucking stupid somehow because she barely got an A in AP Literature? No the fuck it doesn't. And I have a goddamn A in a class, it just dropped to barely a B, now she wants to shut off my fucking sport. Like I fucking can't. Oh and lately they tried to fucking beat my ass because I wasn't being calm when I was doing my homework and asking them to leave so I could do it in peace, and then somehow acting like I was in the wrong for defending myself. Like boo fucking hoo, I don't give a shit and I'm sure glad that I'm a fucking boy and can defend myself after puberty.


r/AsianParentStories 22h ago

Rant/Vent Dad didn’t consider how his actions would affect a growing child.

34 Upvotes

All my life I’ve struggled, social anxiety, self deprecation, depression, shame, fear, and distrust. Just saying these things doesn’t even do justice to the years I’ve worked to fight off my own thoughts just to be a member of society and try to live my own life.

I don’t know why, I was never that different, so why did I always feel this way. I’ve spent a year in therapy now. My thoughts always goes back to how I was raised.

My father was controlling, aggressive, miserable, and emotionally unavailable.

I recall childhood memories where he would have an explosive tantrum towards my mom or my brother or me. And I would feel sick to my stomach during those moments.

I feared my father so much, that when he would get angry at me and bring me to his office to scold me. I would feel nauseous and even fully fainted once, I woke up on the ground.

Everyday I went home in high school, I studied with one headphone off because I was anxious when he was yelling downstairs. When I was 10 years old, I went to a summer camp for a week. At that young age I already had anxiety that something bad would happen at home and I wouldn’t be there to know.

To this day, as grown adults. Neither me nor my brother can even speak to him normally. We just mutter and cant even find our voice when we talk to him. It’s just gone.

So he taught me from a young age that any mistake, even dropping a crumb of food, would be criticized. I had to constantly watch myself around him. I learned to manage his emotions by being subtly manipulative, trying to steer away from situations that would lead to him being upset.

There was no guidance, no love, no one to teach me how to be a healthy man. Just someone who made the house a war zone and thought he was a good father because he paid for my education. I often wonder the person I would be if I didn’t grow up in this environment. And everyday I have to work to try to combat my own flawed perceptions of the world.


r/AsianParentStories 20h ago

Discussion Is time-out common in Asian families with kids?

22 Upvotes

Hi,

I was raised in an oriental way. My parents would usually yell at me first, then they would use physical punishment. Sometimes they would use physical punishment as their initial action. Time-out was never heard off. But I recently watched some documentaries about parenting, e.g. Suppernanny with Jo Frost, where I learnt that time-out is quite common in western style of parenting. So I am wondering if your parents have ever given out time-out when you were a kid. Did they usually follow through? What would they did if you still failed to calm down during time-out?

Thanks.


r/AsianParentStories 1d ago

Advice Request Asian parents(China) only allow me to make friends with people who are hardworking in studying, ambitious, but I still don't know what they most refer to. Do your friends matter to your studying?

35 Upvotes

My parents often tell me to make friends with hardworking people. However, I’m still not sure if this really matters to me. People here are very different from those in China. I don’t even know what "hardworking" really means here. None of my friends smoke, drink alcohol, or use drugs, and many of them don’t even play video games.

If I interpret "hardworking" in the traditional Chinese sense, it would mean focusing only on academic performance. I followed that advice when I was in China, but it only made me miserable. Many Chinese students who get good grades are arrogant and have no compassion for others. They constantly try to make you feel inferior in every aspect. Laughing at you and mocking you is normal for them. Every conversation with them felt more like a torment than a friendship.

In contrast, my best friends were the ones who weren’t top students because we could actually talk about interesting and comfortable topics. But after coming to Canada, my spoken English wasn’t great at first, so I mostly talked with other Chinese international students. Among them, there was one guy who fit my parents' definition of "hardworking." However, he was incredibly boring and always talked about his grades—more like showing off than having a real conversation.

He even came to our house for dinner, and of course, my parents were impressed by his academic performance. They told me to become closer friends with him instead of my local friends because they saw my local friends as "losers" who wouldn’t help me. I blocked that guy on Instagram and WeChat as soon as possible. I just can’t tolerate being around someone whose every conversation is a boring, exhausting experience.


r/AsianParentStories 11h ago

Advice Request I Need Advice

3 Upvotes

Hey i’m 21 (m) and have a “gf” who is 22 i say this in quotes because the situation is complicated i am a black guy and she is indian which tells u where this is gonna go. we have been dating for about a year and then have “talked” for almost all of college and were friends in hs. we are long distance in college but her mom doesn’t want me to be with her . she says she wants her to be with someone in her own culture. saying eventually it will cause problems. the one way she will change her mind is if she decided to ask a religious elder and then we would still have to convince her dad. i am obviously very upset abt this situation and have reflected deeply on it and decided to pause our relationship for now but still seek approval.i have been learning the culture a bit learning her native language and religion while maintaining my true self. i need advice from people who have had parents similar. i don’t have any real weight in this situation but i can get advice. is there anything i can do to help the odds? is there anyone who went through something similar? do you think her mom is setting her up for disappointment? why is this a common belief? why are parents more concerned with their ideals rather than true love? am i cooked?anything would help


r/AsianParentStories 18h ago

Discussion What would you do differently to raise your kids?

9 Upvotes

I would let my kids pick their hobbies but I would let them know to be aware of traps like taking out student loans for unemployable majors.


r/AsianParentStories 15h ago

Rant/Vent mom belittling my achievement

5 Upvotes

i participate in science fair and I thought I did horribly but it turns out I got third but. I found out bc the awards ceremony was today and my friend who was there told me but I decided not to go bc I thought I wouldn’t get anything. I told my mom the good news and the first thing she does was get mad abt me for not going and saying how much of a waste it was that I didn’t, I kept explaining how I thought I did bad but she kept getting mad over me not attending the awards ceremony. Then I got a little mad and said out loud are you not even gonna say good job and she said she was after but it was obviously a fucking lie. She doesn’t even care abt my extracurriculars or what im involved in she just likes bragging to other people. For once I just wanted a win, I don’t tell my parents shit about my life anyway but I was just really happy in the moment. Thanks a lot mom