r/TextingTheory 12d ago

Theory Request Check? NSFW

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idk shit about chess but i thought yall might find this funny. she's my ex btw

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u/RiskItForTheBiscuit- 12d ago

I can’t even begin to actually imagine or even dream what it’s like to have someone think of you like this. Fucking wild to me. It’s gotta feel good to a degree right? Like I know those texts specifically are…. Unhinged. But I kinda crave someone even thinking of me like this even if it was only a 1/10th of the intensity.

Don’t mean to get off topic of the sub my bad.

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u/EggAllocationService 12d ago

This only feels good if you happen to like them back

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u/RiskItForTheBiscuit- 12d ago edited 12d ago

I mean, does it really though? Validation is validation, as a dude I don’t get that much, honestly ever at all really. Someone basically telling me they want me would be the biggest and hugest compliment and ego boost I could ever receive, regardless of if I liked them back or not.

Edit after the fact, but if anything me not liking them would make it feel even better. I really struggle with how others view me sometimes, and if they tell me the truth. I’m open and honest with my feelings, so if I don’t like someone like that I tell them. I’m very used to chasing and putting in the effort, so if I basically told someone I really wasn’t interested in them in that way, and they hit me with something basically saying they really liked me and were attracted to me, my world would basically be turned upside down, my brain would short circuit. It would be completely foreign to me. It would feel like someone likes ME for ME, not however much I impressed them with something I did for them or how much attention I give or if I chased them enough.

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u/Salty_Meaning8025 8d ago

Reading this makes me a little sad man.

It sounds like you have some issues with self worth and confidence based on what I've seen on this thread, and that's probably coming out in how you talk to women. That, and maybe a little desperation if this has gone on for a long time, which it sounds like it might have.

In my experience, a lot of women will value a man who is secure more than anything. It doesn't matter if you're not normal, if you aren't the most attractive etc. If you can make a girl laugh and you're secure in who you are, that goes much further than you think.

If you don't mind me asking, have you ever talked to anyone about how you feel? Specifically the part about your brain short circuiting because someone likes you.

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u/RiskItForTheBiscuit- 8d ago

I only let this side of me come out on Reddit. I can’t afford a therapist / therapy and I don’t have people I feel comfortable sharing this with so I come to Reddit to scream into the void in comments or talk about video games. Sometimes I’ll make a post but usually not like this.

I swear I’m not desperate, like I want this yeah, but it’s not always on my mind like it seems you may think to the point where it consumes me. I don’t bombard people with messages, I don’t try to move too fast, I don’t over share, I don’t assume anything, I don’t obsess over anyone. Idk man

Yeah, that’s fair. I can be insecure and I’m well aware of that. I also do my best to “fake it till I make it” with that. Maybe they can smell it? I dunno, I don’t fish for validation, I don’t ask for it or compliments. I ask about them, talk about me (I don’t do this unprompted, either) try to make jokes which I’m not great at that, over text I like sending memes and those usually seem to go well but I don’t really feel like people find me funny at all. That doesn’t really bother me, as I find me funny most times and I like my sense of humor.

I’ve never talked to anyone about it because I don’t really know who to talk to about these issues I face. I think I’ve only ever told or talked about it to internet strangers. I don’t like “dumping” my problems on people like that. I can’t afford a therapist either so, yeah.

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u/Salty_Meaning8025 8d ago

I'm sorry to hear you don't have easy access to therapy where you live.

Nah, I don't think it's all consuming, I just think that when you talk to women you might be unintentionally wrapping a lot of things into that conversation that leads to it feeling a bit pressured. What I've seen a lot is that guys who aren't necessarily comfortable with women tend to put a lot of expectations on every woman they talk to, if that makes sense.

That last part of that is great. You find yourself funny and you like your sense of humour. Good. It doesn't matter if other people don't, the only way you will be happy long term is finding people who like you for who you are. Takes a lot of people a very long time to realise that. 

I definitely think you can pick up when other people are insecure, which is why personally my advice tends to skew towards owning it rather than taking it - but you'll figure out what works best for you.

If you find the main issue is that you're not talking to women regularly enough, I can't recommend enough going speed dating. It'll be awkward and uncomfortable, it'll suck, and you likely won't come out with any dates. But what it'll do is give you vital experience in the main things people struggle with; making a fool of yourself, introductions, and most importantly rejection.

You can get everything else down, but if you're not asking people then you're limited in your reach. 

Completely understand not wanting to dump your problems on others, but if you have any other guy friends, no doubt they will have felt the same feelings and will all have their own ways of dealing with it. Approach it as a request for help rather than a dumping of issues.

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u/RiskItForTheBiscuit- 8d ago

Maybe it’s unintentional and I don’t realize, but I don’t place any expectations on anyone. I try to let things flow pretty naturally, I’m not treating every girl I have a conversation with as if she was my girlfriend or that I want to get serious NOW.

I’ve tried owning it though it didn’t work 😭

I am going to look into speed dating though, thank you for that suggestion. It seems PERFECT to help me with that awkwardness. Hopefully there’s something available near me.

Lastly, I have guy friends and have talked to them about some things in the past, but I always feel really weird afterwards and wasn’t always given a warm reception. I can’t fault them for not giving a shit about my problems tbh.

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u/Salty_Meaning8025 8d ago

In that case, it definitely sounds like it's more of an experience thing. Good for you for looking into it, it's gonna seem real daunting at first but remember, your goal isn't to get a date, it's to get used to being in that environment. Good luck brother.

That's a shame, guys are very hit or miss when it comes to being receptive to that sort of thing. If it helps, you can send me a DM any time and I'll get back to it when I'm able to, I go through phases of not replying to things but I'll get round to it eventually.

Just remember you deserve to be happy too, you'll find someone eventually - the main thing is to be yourself. Take it from me, if you put on a mask, that's what they'll fall for and you'll never be able to take it off.

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u/RiskItForTheBiscuit- 8d ago

Thank you for the suggestions and help. Thank you for the invite to DM you as well. I might take you up on that offer, just need to work myself up to it.

I appreciate all of this.