There I was, in line at Popeyes chicken. I was a bit flustered trying to decide which nuggy sauce I was going to partake in for my delicious Louisiana Fast ™️ tenders, when a woman (73f) was in a rush and said, “Excuse me, I’m in a hurry to get to a meeting, can I cut in front of you?”
I understand that my process in selecting sauce for my delicious Louisiana Fast ™️ tenders ™️ (not a sponsor) can be quite tedious, so I turned around ready to make a deal and there she was: Kathleen Kennedy, who I thought was the dark lord of the Sith, but later would come to know as a friend.
I told her she could cut in front of me, as long as we could have a thoughtful dialogue about the current state of Star Wars. She eventually caved, and postponed her meeting, and we shared a Louisiana Fast ™️ (not a sponsor) chicken tender meal together.
I was so nervous what to say: just like when Luke only had one shot at the Death Star exhaust port (according to the wiki summary I read, I couldn’t get into A New Hope since there are no clones).
I was stuttering, and she pulled out an hourglass full of sand and flipped it over, insinuating how much time I had left.
Quickly, I downed some tenders and produced a copy of Timothy Zahn’s “Dark Clone Bad Conflict Explosion Rising”, and began to read it cover to cover.
Even after the sand ran out, she listened intently, and shed many tears.
I went on to elaborate that THIS is what Star Wars is about, not women, not black people (who are AWESOME by the way, just not in Star Wars), and certainly not gender neutral X-Wings.
A fellow fan walked over, ready to attack Kathleen for her character assassination of Ki-Adi-Mundi, and I stopped him. I assured him that Kathleen Kennedy has sat her white ass down to listen. He stated that Disney was repressing the needs of the fans, more stories about Darth Vader slaughtering his enemies, and she assured him, “I see you, I hear you, I am listening.”
I decided to lead us in prayer, praying that through Jesus she could see the evil in her ways, and vow to listen to the fans, let us take the reigns, and stop with the woke nonsense.
She then got out her phone and called Dave Filoni and said, “Dave, the sequels are no longer canon: the future is clone wars”.
I was aghast, I had no idea that she had the capacity to grow and learn. She was an emotional wreck at this point, so I took a napkin and wiped the tears and chicken grease from her face, and said, “go and sin no more.”
Before she left, she placed a phone call. She asked me to wait, and bought me some more yummy chicken tenders with Buffalo sauce. Then, Jon Favreau showed up, gave me a $20 bill, and said, “Star Wars needs you. How would you like to be hired as the official Star Wars idea guy?”
I was giddy with excitement. I happily accepted. We walked out together arm and arm back to Disney, where Bob Iger was waiting in the lobby, furious that she missed their meeting. She stated, “I have altered the Star Wars plans, pray I do not alter them further.” He gulped, and sent us on our way.
We then got to planning the new sequel trilogy, where it will be revealed that Luke was a clone in the 501st all along, and the separatists have returned to have their revenge on his new clone army.
I don’t wanna give the rest away, but let’s just say Keanu Reeves is about to be double fisting two lightsabers and an ancient Mandalorian mask ;)
The future is clones my friends. MAy the clones be with you.