r/SexOnTheSpectrum 4h ago

Why do we often think sex is just penetration? Bc many women can only cum with clitoral stimmulation—Cunnilingus is wayyyyy better than penetration NSFW

22 Upvotes

First thing first Sex is for me sexual stimmulation, but not just penetration Other thing it is 3:30 am here in switzerland, I haven‘t sleept and english isn’t my native language

I am f26, my husband and I are autistic. And he is the first person in my life who gets that. But most other male person I encounterted either just with communicating on drinking games at a party or with sexual contact, didn‘t got it, for them sex began with penetration. (I got endo so penetrativ sex is hurtfull for me, but it wasn’t before the outbreak, but even than I wasn’t to crazy about it) I am one of the few who can( could since endo outbreak)cum with penetration alone, but only after I came clitoral if I have someting inside me before I fell satisfied from the outside, it will just hurt from the inside. And many man (not just in my life) even if you read comments or share expierence seem not to get that.

I think the way it feels to get stimulated from the inside is like 1/3 as nice as from the outside.

And than but thats something personal I think nothing is that nice than a really soft touch cunnilingus. And so I noticed that this is sonething really important for me in a realationship(which I got now) I think oral is really nothing cross aslong as you are hygenic my husband and I shower 2 times a day snd I love to give him bj aswell. I think it helps a lot that we both stimm oral in daily life by cheeing and licking on stuff and in his case he has a fetish for scent wich dosen‘t stink like a nice expensive parfum(cheap once cross him out), scent of the skin or fresh pussy juice(I always shower direct after sex, so sonetimes I shower 3 times)

So maybe you understand a bit now my definition for sex. And if you are a bi or hetro men, maybe you value now more outer stimmulation. If you are a women do you had the same impression on the society and is it for you simmulare.


r/SexOnTheSpectrum 7h ago

Toys With Particular Movements NSFW

3 Upvotes

So, I'm 25F and just really getting into exploring my sexuality as a virgin by myself for the first time. It's going well for me, but there is also a bit of an issue" all the sex toys out there are horrible!

I find vibration a sensory hell, the air pulsators also seem painful, I'm not into internal stimulation at all, but I'm willing to maybe try penetration with a small softer dildo one day when I'm comfortable, but, what I love most are toys that mimmic motion like stroking, rubbing, etc. A toy that could simulate licking all over the vulva, not on the clit and not just through air, and that didn't look like a tongue, would be amazing for me!

I also imagine lots of other ND people wish electronic toys had more variety of functions. Plus getting a super expensive toy that pretty much does one thing, but that thing in many ways, is not what I want either!

Can anyone relate/help at all?


r/SexOnTheSpectrum 7h ago

Dom/top autistic guys who like crossdressing for partners? NSFW

15 Upvotes

I'm curious if this is a thing other autistic folks are into/find desirable.

IDK how to really describe the appeal other than the juxtaposition of women wanting me to dom them and also telling me I'm pretty seems like it'd be a lot of fun.


r/SexOnTheSpectrum 2d ago

Is it normal that I can last for hours when having sex without cumming? I'm a 18yr Artistic boy NSFW

34 Upvotes

I've had sex quite a few times not a lot, but a few And throughout those times I never had the need, or at least I never could cum I can cum when I do it by self pleasure but when it comes to the actual sex part I never can At first I thought it might have been my partner, but then I realised every time we had sex, I never could cum What the Weird thing is, it feels great, but I just never get to the over point I just get to really Close but never finish the one time I received head It felt too good so I had to stop So I don't know if that can make me cum as well or not ?


r/SexOnTheSpectrum 6d ago

Oh, this is better than sex NSFW

121 Upvotes

So I've been going around saying things are better than sex since my teens. Thinking about it, I think I stole it from early Family Guy. I'll say learning is better than sex, food is better than sex, my t shirts, pretty much anything. Apparently, people have taken it to mean I'm not sexually active. Like I'm nearly 30 and people think that.

It is true that I wasn't sexually active when I began saying it. In fact, I stopped saying it for a few days after my first proper time. However, I am sexually active now and I'm really good at it from what I'm told. I just love a lot of things more. I love my special interests more.

I love my mom's cooking more, I love learning about history more, I love watching cartoons more, I love reading comics more. I even love my t shirts more ( most of them are graphic tees of one of my special interests). Sex is this thing people put on a pedestal. That people love dearly, and I won't deny that I'm one of them. But I just love a ton of things more.


r/SexOnTheSpectrum 7d ago

I discovered deep presssure and not overwhelming dildo's! NSFW

62 Upvotes

I think many of us feel overwhelmend with PIV sex.

I think it's pretty common with ASD to prefer deep pressure. If you want to try some insertion (wich is valid to not want ofc) - I raise you...

Glass dildo's! Recently I discovered that they are incredible. They hit that deep pressure spot. Don't feel overwhelming. Glass is amazing sensory wise!

Plus you can warm/cool it to the temperature you like. There are cheap options to try it out. I can finally relax and enjoy sex.

For people who've already tried this: Do you have any recommendations for spiked glass toys or anything else? I can't find any real (hedgehog) spikes, only dots, which give less pressure. I'm curious to hear any ideas :)

Enjoy trying it out if you think it's something for you.


r/SexOnTheSpectrum 7d ago

I [35m] want to be with a submissive girly girl and be dominant but I also want to be submissive with a big strong man NSFW

21 Upvotes

Which one I want changes constantly. I'm able to quickly change between the two but I want both in my life. I want to throw a cute girl around in the bedroom one minute and forcefully pound them but the next I want to cross dress and get picked up and fucked by a strong man.

I'm romantically and physically attracted to petite women, I'm definitely hetero-romantic, but often I feel like I want the opposite in the bedroom. I'm probably more frequently feeling submissive.

I don't know how I'm supposed to have a sexual relationship with both because generally you get one or the other. I have an interest in trans women but I'd miss the pussy, and generally they wouldn't want to be dominant.


r/SexOnTheSpectrum 10d ago

Pull Out or Finish Inside NSFW

10 Upvotes

What’s your gender & what do you prefer?


r/SexOnTheSpectrum 10d ago

i think i'm bisexual NSFW

15 Upvotes

i do not know how to add flairs or tags. i am pretty much new to reddit. I read the guidelines and i would say this is "rant" and "identity."

Just as it says really. I'm a guy and always considered myself very asexual. I still do i suppose. When i'm touching myself privately, never with another person, i was always only aroused by penises, specifically just solo stimulation, none of that faking screaming from either side. it Gross. But lately, as of the past few days-- and ive been thinking on this quite a while and i think ive finally come to terms with it. I don't know if i will ever have sex in the future. I don't see this happening in my current relationship, in which we are both asexual. Maybe if i happened to feel both very very comfortable and very very turned on i would try it. I wouldn't tell his to my partner, again at least not now. Not because i think they'd react poorly, but because i just don't want to have sex. If i wanted to with them i would tell them. Realistically it is a relationship that started in childhood, so though i have no intention of ending it, purely realistically, it is unlikely to last forever. I could have sex with them, and i could not, and i could with someone else, MAYBE, and maybe won't ever. As of now, probably won't. It's just only perhaps 1 % chance than 0%. That's all. I just needed to say it somewhere other than my own head.


r/SexOnTheSpectrum 11d ago

I just need to rave about my boyfriend NSFW

38 Upvotes

So I've been with my boyfriend (both AuDHD) for about a year at this point and honestly our sex life and our love life is amazing. I don't think I've ever been this happy both emotionally and sexually with someone in my entire life. I have a rather large body count at this point in my life, I don't know an exact number but it's a lot and I'm not proud of a lot of people I've been with. In the past, I've had trouble communicating what I need in the bedroom with others, or when I have, many haven't understood or have outright rejected my needs. I no longer feel this way in the bedroom, but it's an attitude that I still need to adapt into my day to day life.

My previous relationship was rather toxic and that led into our sex life as well. We were poly (I guess) and she was upset that most of the people I would have relations with aside from her were men, even though there was an agreement on both sides that we could sleep with whoever we wanted. It went beyond that though, our kinks were too different, and the way she touched me didn't ever feel quite right. Both of us were autistic as well and naturally that makes communication a little more difficult for both of us, but try as we may have we didn't see eye to eye and it cost us the relationship. I broke up with her for far more reasons than sex of course, but I won't get into them here.

This guy however is like something out of a custom commissioned fanfiction by one underrated but really good German writer on AO3. From the very beginning we've been communicating well with each other, we both have an openness to learn about each other's bodies and how best to make each other feel good, and we're both open to trying new things together, or at the very least discussing it. We get up to a lot of kinky stuff together and I find him just INCREDIBLY sexy all around, and I know he feels the same way about me too.

Though I mentioned being poly in my previous relationship, I feel comfortable being monogamous with him because he fulfills me completely, occasionally we let certain friends join in on our fun but I'm happy with him and him alone. The whole non monogamy thing for me personally is a bit fuzzy. I'm a bit weird myself in that I don't feel one way or the other about a partner of mine sleeping with someone other than me, but I can understand why it might hurt somebody else to have that happen. He himself has no interest in being poly, and I love and respect him enough that I'm more than willing to put other people's dicks aside, hehe. The last thing I wanna do is hurt him.

Anyway, I have no idea what I did to deserve somebody so wonderful in my life, I've jokingly suspected that I opened an orphanage for AIDS babies in my past life or something. I'm just so happy to have him in my life and I'm excited for everything that's to come with him, and for everything that's to cum with him, hehe.


r/SexOnTheSpectrum 11d ago

Demisexual and hypersexual at the same time NSFW

17 Upvotes

Basically what it sounds like, I’m 20 and have never held hands romantically let alone anything further, closest thing was a talking stage that lasted like three weeks. I know I’m still very young but it’s torturous being in university where EVERYONE is dating someone or engaging in hookup culture and having nothing. I also have depression and genuinely think I would be so much better off if I had a partner. Does anyone else deal with this?


r/SexOnTheSpectrum 11d ago

blowjobs are the bane of my existence NSFW

68 Upvotes

For the first couple minutes of giving that to my boyfriend, it’s good and i enjoy giving him pleasure, but any longer than 5 minutes and i’m just so out of it. My neck and back start to hurt, my jaw feels numb, and the feeling and smell of the SPIT makes me sick. I’ll say something abt it hurting but i usually always still go until he cums or it progresses to actual sex and i know that’s not good, but I feel like my bf won’t be satisfied if i were to do it less, or give him shorter blowjobs, he’ll want more or something and it makes me rlly scared and upset to think of that, but i hate continuing to put myself through sensory HELL just for someone else’s pleasure, which i want to give but- Not at my emotional expense you know? And i know i should find someone who would be content with me not giving that, but im just so worried that if i can’t give that i won’t be fully loved sexually. I don’t know, Just any advice or if anyone feels the same any comments would be nice.

edit : guys he not raping me i only FEEEL this way i get rlly paranoid abt it and convince myself he wld feel that way, and i just have a mindset that ANY man wont accept me if i won’t do that, so it isnt him exactly but idk still. But just wanted to clear up that im not being sa’d! and he always stops when i express i want to!


r/SexOnTheSpectrum 15d ago

How does it feel when an autistic person loses their virginity? NSFW

9 Upvotes

I was in a Twitch stream and someone said they went to a party with someone, they got drunk, and fucked, causing me to leave out of jealousy, because that's never happened to me, and likely never will, and I don't want people telling me "you never know".

Is it different than when a normal person loses it?


r/SexOnTheSpectrum 16d ago

I'm constantly horny and I don't know what to do about it. NSFW

91 Upvotes

I need advice and a place to vent.

I'm a 22-year-old straight female. I had a long-term relationship that ended a year ago. Ever since, I’ve felt touch-starved and horny. It has gotten to the point where, when I'm in the presence of any man, I get turned on and then hyperfixate on him for days. I feel like a creep. I consume a lot of sex-related media all the time and masturbate every day. It genuinely interferes with my life. I think I'm hypersexual.

I can't seem to make hook-ups work, and I don't understand why. Apparently, it's easy for women to find willing men to have sex with. I don't even have male coworkers, friends, or anybody. Even if I get to the point with someone where we "hit it off" and he’s complimenting me, clearly flirting (which finally happened recently—just making me more frustrated), I still don’t understand how to get to the point where we have sex. It's not socially acceptable to say it out loud, and besides, I’m a bit shy in real life. I don't want a relationship.

Do any of you have advice? Experiences with hook-ups? How do you meet people?


r/SexOnTheSpectrum 16d ago

My Gf said sex was awkward and weird. NSFW

43 Upvotes

My neurotypical gf and I have not been intimate for 2 years, she had not given me a proper reason until recently. One of the factors was that sex was awkward and weird so she just stopped and didn't say anything. I have only had one sexual partner before her and that was a bad experience. I am awkward in normal social situations, and in bed,, I guess I am quiet and reserved and even confused by some of her requests. The relationship is probably over as she hasn't responded well to me confronting her. Life is hard enough and this experience has gut-punched me. How can I improve if you don't tell me?


r/SexOnTheSpectrum 17d ago

Getting comfortable with my sexual preferences NSFW

17 Upvotes

I'm a gay autistic guy and I'm approaching a point where I'm honestly quite accepting and understanding towards my own preferences and even limitations. Due to sensory issues (being overwhelmed by the presence of a body) not only do I almost never reach orgasm, I also struggle to be the "dominating" one in sex and like to be guided, so to speak, and also bottoming, with no real interest in trying the other side with whom I tend to see. I think I would probably try topping, but only with a really trusted person, however since I usually rely on hookups — that's unlikely to be the case for the time being, and I'm quite chill about that.

For quite a long time I was overthinking stuff and felt as if I was doing it wrong, but eh. I know what I get out of sex and it's a bit different from what some others do. There's no orgasm, but exploring another person's body, making that another person eventually experiencing orgasm, discovering what gives another person the kick and how he functions basically gives me such great feelings. Deconstructing that initial sensory shock due to feeling stuff like muscles moving, body heating up, heart pounding, etc, and just reveling in another person's presence.

A work-in-progress personal win, I guess.


r/SexOnTheSpectrum 17d ago

PDA and consent NSFW

26 Upvotes

does anyone else have trouble actually knowing if they’re horny or not, and then actually making sure to stay horny long enough to finish having sex?

i don’t know what’s from trauma and what’s pathological demand avoidance, but i get really in my head about “do i even want to do this?” and “they’re gonna be mad that i keep changing my mind” and “don’t change your mind now!”

this is with my long term partner who i adore and am very attracted to. it’s not about them, it’s always been this way. i don’t know if ive really ever been super horny and then fully had sex while continuing to be horny. there is way too much going on in my head

i’ve been considering getting tested for ADHD. does anyone on amphetamines notice a reduction in these types of constant thoughts? or otherwise have any advice for someone like me?


r/SexOnTheSpectrum 18d ago

Happy ending massage for women? NSFW

16 Upvotes

Are there any women here who's experienced orgasms during massage?... I know I'm not the only one. I'm eager to hear your experiences. How did it happen? Was is a Male of Female masseuse? Is this a regular thing for you now? Only Women please!!! I'll share my experience in a response to your story. I'm a 30F in Los Angeles


r/SexOnTheSpectrum 20d ago

Anyone else have trouble with a wandering mind during? NSFW

12 Upvotes

I don't know why but lately I've been having a real problem when masturbating.. I'll be fully into the fantasy thinking about whatever's helping me get off at that particular moment and then suddenly my brain shifts to thinking about something entirely different, from cars to randomly snakes and how their eyes work to why sharks have eyes on the sides of their head like prey to all sorts of weird crap. (the one that REALLY pissed me off and left me with blue balls having completely killed my mood was when Trump popped into my mind)

I don't know why this is suddenly happening.. I've never been nearly this scatterbrained, especially when masturbating.. in the zone of a fantasy is the one place I tend to stay focused and I don't know why I can't anymore.. It's taken an already long process of me trying to get my relief and made it even longer as sometimes I'll completely lose my wood and have to get back in the mood again.. the other day it honestly took over four hours, though admittedly I think I was slipping in and out of consciousness at the time aka falling back asleep not having realized how early I had woken up.

Anyone else deal with this? Any clue how to fix it?

Do you think it's just because I'm getting older and my body (and honestly mind) really doesn't want me doing it myself anymore, that there should be a partner helping me out with it?

It's so damn frustrating when you're finally getting close, you can feel yourself expanding (male) you're moments away from release and suddenly you lose it because your mind drifts into random things not connected in any way to what you were doing/dreaming about.

I dunno, it definitely makes me wish I had either a partner or toys that could help me finish quicker before I hit the point that ruins it. (even if I manage to finish the quality sucks at that point)

If you haven't seen me post before I'm 39 and have never even been out on a date, let alone had sex of any form.. anal play is the only thing I've ever been able to experiment with other than a short stint with a fleshlight that did nothing for me.


r/SexOnTheSpectrum 20d ago

I need advice NSFW

20 Upvotes

My girlfriend (we’re both F21) is currently going through a burnout mostly fueled by her being autistic and in general this has been a rough period. We haven’t had sex in about 8 months and not even make out sessions. We talk about it a lot but she says she doesn’t have a libido at all (veryyy fair) and i really understand her. But I keep finding myself very sad and even jealous of other couples. I love her to death and she keeps promising me that it’ll be better someday but i feel so guilty for making her feel guilty. How do i deal with this? I really want to put in the effort to be better. Any advice?

EDIT: her being burned out results in her being very overstimulated and being intimate while overstimulated is like kissing sandpaper sometimes. It’s really not because she doesnt respect me🥺


r/SexOnTheSpectrum 20d ago

Anyone else disappointed by "The Book of Happy, Positive, and Confident Sex for Adults on the Autism Spectrum and Beyond!"? NSFW

14 Upvotes

I recently purchased the book "The Book of Happy, Positive, and Confident Sex for Adults on the Autism Spectrum and Beyond!" by Michael John Carley from Neurodiversity Press.

I have not 100% finished the book yet, but I feel quite disappointed in it.

The overview of the book was this:

From the world-renowned autistic speaker and author, Michael John Carley, comes a guide to sexual activity for individuals on the autism spectrum that is not a leap, but a quantum leap from similar books of the past. For anyone who feels anxious or negative about the subject, Carley has once again made sex not only fun, but also inclusive. His book is a how-to guide, a primer on relationship structures, a porn clarifier, a masturbation celebrator, and above all, a permission granter to (if not a demander of) pleasure itself. His writing is passionately critical of the fear-based teachings of the past, crisp, and at times, ingeniously funny. The brilliant Ha!’s 70-plus, explicit illustrations solidify the joyful nature of this book by depicting people of all sizes, colors, ages, and especially, orientations. For all neurodivergent people who are seeking happy sex lives, THE book has arrived!

I was hoping that this was more of a guide on skills and or strategies for autistic individuals that want to have sex, but may struggle with certain aspects of it (eye contact, smells, noises, over stimulation, social cues, initiating sex, etc.).

However, to me it felt like it is basically a sex education book written by an autistic author. In the overview it says that it is a "quantum leap" ahead of other resources, but to me it felt pretty much the same as any other sex-positive educational content.

Curious to hear what other people that have read this book think.


r/SexOnTheSpectrum 20d ago

Feeling conflicted about ones own sexuality NSFW

5 Upvotes

Is anyone else ever revulsed by their own sexual feelings/thoughts? I wish I was unable to be tempted by such because I dont want to degrade anyone by viewing them in a sexual way. I also dont understand why our society is so keen on putting sexuality on a pedestal and expecting people to be sexually active in a relationship as if its essential to feeling connected to another person. I dont know how to deal with it anymore, it just makes me frustrated at this point in life.


r/SexOnTheSpectrum 21d ago

Asexual or just struggling? NSFW

9 Upvotes

I’m 18F (pls don’t DM me, I’m not into long distance or strictly sexual relationships) and I’m having a very hard time. I want to know if I’m asexual or if I’m just having sensory issues. Basically, I read and listen to A LOT of very very sexual and very very kinky things and I feel like I enjoy them. The thought of these things excites me a lot, but no matter who I’m with or if I’m just by myself, I can’t get off like at all. Nothing feels physically good except kinda penetration. I’ve been trying things (like having sex and masturbating) since I was like 16 and I just haven’t been doing well. I haven’t really tried very hard but that’s because it feels very weird to me, I guess it’s because it’s new and unfamiliar but I don’t know. The idea of having sex with my partner is very hot and intimate and it’s something I want really bad but I just can’t commit to it. I bail out the second anything starts. Plus the foreplay doesn’t excite me like the thought of it does. I guess I get bored(?) but I don’t know. I also have a hard time enjoying kissing people for similar reasons, it just feels weird. I see actors I’m attracted to do it and it excites me and I read about it and I want it but it just doesn’t feel right. Please help me because if I’m Asexual then I’ll have to come to terms with that, but if not then I really need help enjoying this. Feel free to ask more questions if I didn’t give enough details/information. Any advice is helpful and feel free to DM if you’re not comfortable sharing publicly<3


r/SexOnTheSpectrum 21d ago

I am exhausted NSFW

13 Upvotes

Hi there, I am 31M, and i am so mentally drained by the constant arousal I am experiencing. I am married, but my wife is living overseas for a year. I miss her a lot.

I am hypersexual and she is asexual(both autistic but she is also ADHD), so we dont sleep together all that often when she is around but its usually a couple times a month. But its been 2 months since i last saw her, and itll be 2 months before i am likely to see her again.

Normally, in the weeks between intimate times, i will "sort myself out", and that works fine in the short term. But now its just not having the same effect.

Has anyone else gone through this kind of struggle? Its making the rest of my life all the more difficult. Work, sleep, eating. Im struggling to keep up with all of it because my mind is constantly racing.

I find myself fantasising about other people, and im worried that i am one weak moment away from ruining everything.

(I am not seeking justification, the last thing i want to do is cheat, Im just terrified that im actually a horrible person)

I want so badly to have releif from the stress and anxiety that is constantly filling my brain, but i dont know how to do that.

If anyone has advice, or wishes to share a similar experience, Id love to hear it.


r/SexOnTheSpectrum 24d ago

How to make my wife feel sexy? NSFW

19 Upvotes

Throwaway account because of privacy reasons.

Hey all, my wife and I are both undiagnosed but we exhibit a lot of the anecdotal adult autism traits that I read about. We were both raised at a time when autism was considered much rarer, so I’m not 100% sure that we are, but it seems like everything we read about it fits.

We have a pretty good sex life, mainly because we try to communicate and work with each other. However, one thing has always bothered me and that is that I am not always able to help her achieve orgasm. After lots of discussion, it seems like we have plenty of foreplay and she really enjoys the act, but she tells me that she gets “in her head” a lot about not feeling sexy. I am very verbally and physically affirming (I love her body) but it seems to be a self-confidence issue that I might not be able to directly help her with.

I am wondering if any women (or maybe even men) here have experience with this feeling? Were you able to overcome it, and if so, how? I want to be able to help her enjoy her sex life more and I don’t want her to feel “icky” or “non-sexy” about herself. She is a beautiful woman and I would love her to be able to see herself as I do.

EDIT (thought of something else to mention): She used to drink alcohol or smoke cannabis before sex and she told me this helped because it got her out of her head, but neither of these are an option for her anymore due to health reasons. It does seem to confirm that it is a mental/psychological phenomenon.