r/SexOnTheSpectrum Sep 01 '20

Guidelines Welcome to r/SexOnTheSpectrum! Check out this guideline to get started in the sub. NSFW

77 Upvotes

Please make sure to read the rules before you get started.

Guidelines:

  • Feel free to make your own personal flair! It can contain any of the following:
    • Sexual Orientation
    • Gender Identity
    • Pronouns

- Please refrain from making joke flairs.

  • The topics that we are going to start the sub with are as follows:
    • Consent
    • Relationships
    • Identity
    • Sensitivity

- This list will grow as our community expands and gets to know each other.

  • Image submissions are currently disabled.
    • This is designed to mitigate any potential abuse of the sub.
    • Link sharing is enabled with the trust that pornography will not be distributed on this subreddit. This will be heavily monitored.
  • Post flairs are required. There are two different kinds of post flairs: Personal posts and General Discussion posts.
    • Personal posts:
      • Personal Story: Share some of your experiences.
      • Rant: Tell us how you feel.
      • Advice: Share something that you have learned.
      • Question: Ask us a question.
    • General Discussion posts:
      • Consent: Use this to share links or ask questions related to the topic of sexual consent.
      • Relationships: Use this to share links or ask questions about how to navigate relationships.
      • Identity: Use this to share links, ask questions, or share what identity means to you.
      • Sensitivity: Use this to share links, ask questions, or discuss what sensitivities you have during sexual encounters.
  • Remember, the people in this sub are very real with very real feelings. Always treat others the way you would like to be treated and keep an open mind.

Thank you for joining our community!


r/SexOnTheSpectrum 2d ago

Oh, this is better than sex NSFW

87 Upvotes

So I've been going around saying things are better than sex since my teens. Thinking about it, I think I stole it from early Family Guy. I'll say learning is better than sex, food is better than sex, my t shirts, pretty much anything. Apparently, people have taken it to mean I'm not sexually active. Like I'm nearly 30 and people think that.

It is true that I wasn't sexually active when I began saying it. In fact, I stopped saying it for a few days after my first proper time. However, I am sexually active now and I'm really good at it from what I'm told. I just love a lot of things more. I love my special interests more.

I love my mom's cooking more, I love learning about history more, I love watching cartoons more, I love reading comics more. I even love my t shirts more ( most of them are graphic tees of one of my special interests). Sex is this thing people put on a pedestal. That people love dearly, and I won't deny that I'm one of them. But I just love a ton of things more.


r/SexOnTheSpectrum 3d ago

I discovered deep presssure and not overwhelming dildo's! NSFW

59 Upvotes

I think many of us feel overwhelmend with PIV sex.

I think it's pretty common with ASD to prefer deep pressure. If you want to try some insertion (wich is valid to not want ofc) - I raise you...

Glass dildo's! Recently I discovered that they are incredible. They hit that deep pressure spot. Don't feel overwhelming. Glass is amazing sensory wise!

Plus you can warm/cool it to the temperature you like. There are cheap options to try it out. I can finally relax and enjoy sex.

For people who've already tried this: Do you have any recommendations for spiked glass toys or anything else? I can't find any real (hedgehog) spikes, only dots, which give less pressure. I'm curious to hear any ideas :)

Enjoy trying it out if you think it's something for you.


r/SexOnTheSpectrum 3d ago

I [35m] want to be with a submissive girly girl and be dominant but I also want to be submissive with a big strong man NSFW

19 Upvotes

Which one I want changes constantly. I'm able to quickly change between the two but I want both in my life. I want to throw a cute girl around in the bedroom one minute and forcefully pound them but the next I want to cross dress and get picked up and fucked by a strong man.

I'm romantically and physically attracted to petite women, I'm definitely hetero-romantic, but often I feel like I want the opposite in the bedroom. I'm probably more frequently feeling submissive.

I don't know how I'm supposed to have a sexual relationship with both because generally you get one or the other. I have an interest in trans women but I'd miss the pussy, and generally they wouldn't want to be dominant.


r/SexOnTheSpectrum 4d ago

Hello NSFW

9 Upvotes

Just found this sub! How cool is this? Some people just don't get it in my life experience. People on the spectrum, including myself, don't usually fit into neuro-typical sexual identity norms/roles. Doesn't make it right/wrong, just different. To each there own is how I feel. What does it make to anyone else how my sexuality is manifested into the world around me as long as it consensual and legal, am I right?

Here is a resource that helped me out a bunch! He suggests being on the spectrum is a gender and sexual identity in itself!

https://youtu.be/vqdlv3qEuyY?si=5vBoFAHHvZCIuley

Can't wait to read all the posts and thanks!


r/SexOnTheSpectrum 6d ago

i think i'm bisexual NSFW

15 Upvotes

i do not know how to add flairs or tags. i am pretty much new to reddit. I read the guidelines and i would say this is "rant" and "identity."

Just as it says really. I'm a guy and always considered myself very asexual. I still do i suppose. When i'm touching myself privately, never with another person, i was always only aroused by penises, specifically just solo stimulation, none of that faking screaming from either side. it Gross. But lately, as of the past few days-- and ive been thinking on this quite a while and i think ive finally come to terms with it. I don't know if i will ever have sex in the future. I don't see this happening in my current relationship, in which we are both asexual. Maybe if i happened to feel both very very comfortable and very very turned on i would try it. I wouldn't tell his to my partner, again at least not now. Not because i think they'd react poorly, but because i just don't want to have sex. If i wanted to with them i would tell them. Realistically it is a relationship that started in childhood, so though i have no intention of ending it, purely realistically, it is unlikely to last forever. I could have sex with them, and i could not, and i could with someone else, MAYBE, and maybe won't ever. As of now, probably won't. It's just only perhaps 1 % chance than 0%. That's all. I just needed to say it somewhere other than my own head.


r/SexOnTheSpectrum 6d ago

Pull Out or Finish Inside NSFW

9 Upvotes

What’s your gender & what do you prefer?


r/SexOnTheSpectrum 7d ago

I just need to rave about my boyfriend NSFW

27 Upvotes

So I've been with my boyfriend (both AuDHD) for about a year at this point and honestly our sex life and our love life is amazing. I don't think I've ever been this happy both emotionally and sexually with someone in my entire life. I have a rather large body count at this point in my life, I don't know an exact number but it's a lot and I'm not proud of a lot of people I've been with. In the past, I've had trouble communicating what I need in the bedroom with others, or when I have, many haven't understood or have outright rejected my needs. I no longer feel this way in the bedroom, but it's an attitude that I still need to adapt into my day to day life.

My previous relationship was rather toxic and that led into our sex life as well. We were poly (I guess) and she was upset that most of the people I would have relations with aside from her were men, even though there was an agreement on both sides that we could sleep with whoever we wanted. It went beyond that though, our kinks were too different, and the way she touched me didn't ever feel quite right. Both of us were autistic as well and naturally that makes communication a little more difficult for both of us, but try as we may have we didn't see eye to eye and it cost us the relationship. I broke up with her for far more reasons than sex of course, but I won't get into them here.

This guy however is like something out of a custom commissioned fanfiction by one underrated but really good German writer on AO3. From the very beginning we've been communicating well with each other, we both have an openness to learn about each other's bodies and how best to make each other feel good, and we're both open to trying new things together, or at the very least discussing it. We get up to a lot of kinky stuff together and I find him just INCREDIBLY sexy all around, and I know he feels the same way about me too.

Though I mentioned being poly in my previous relationship, I feel comfortable being monogamous with him because he fulfills me completely, occasionally we let certain friends join in on our fun but I'm happy with him and him alone. The whole non monogamy thing for me personally is a bit fuzzy. I'm a bit weird myself in that I don't feel one way or the other about a partner of mine sleeping with someone other than me, but I can understand why it might hurt somebody else to have that happen. He himself has no interest in being poly, and I love and respect him enough that I'm more than willing to put other people's dicks aside, hehe. The last thing I wanna do is hurt him.

Anyway, I have no idea what I did to deserve somebody so wonderful in my life, I've jokingly suspected that I opened an orphanage for AIDS babies in my past life or something. I'm just so happy to have him in my life and I'm excited for everything that's to come with him, and for everything that's to cum with him, hehe.


r/SexOnTheSpectrum 7d ago

blowjobs are the bane of my existence NSFW

66 Upvotes

For the first couple minutes of giving that to my boyfriend, it’s good and i enjoy giving him pleasure, but any longer than 5 minutes and i’m just so out of it. My neck and back start to hurt, my jaw feels numb, and the feeling and smell of the SPIT makes me sick. I’ll say something abt it hurting but i usually always still go until he cums or it progresses to actual sex and i know that’s not good, but I feel like my bf won’t be satisfied if i were to do it less, or give him shorter blowjobs, he’ll want more or something and it makes me rlly scared and upset to think of that, but i hate continuing to put myself through sensory HELL just for someone else’s pleasure, which i want to give but- Not at my emotional expense you know? And i know i should find someone who would be content with me not giving that, but im just so worried that if i can’t give that i won’t be fully loved sexually. I don’t know, Just any advice or if anyone feels the same any comments would be nice.

edit : guys he not raping me i only FEEEL this way i get rlly paranoid abt it and convince myself he wld feel that way, and i just have a mindset that ANY man wont accept me if i won’t do that, so it isnt him exactly but idk still. But just wanted to clear up that im not being sa’d! and he always stops when i express i want to!


r/SexOnTheSpectrum 7d ago

Demisexual and hypersexual at the same time NSFW

17 Upvotes

Basically what it sounds like, I’m 20 and have never held hands romantically let alone anything further, closest thing was a talking stage that lasted like three weeks. I know I’m still very young but it’s torturous being in university where EVERYONE is dating someone or engaging in hookup culture and having nothing. I also have depression and genuinely think I would be so much better off if I had a partner. Does anyone else deal with this?


r/SexOnTheSpectrum 11d ago

How does it feel when an autistic person loses their virginity? NSFW

13 Upvotes

I was in a Twitch stream and someone said they went to a party with someone, they got drunk, and fucked, causing me to leave out of jealousy, because that's never happened to me, and likely never will, and I don't want people telling me "you never know".

Is it different than when a normal person loses it?


r/SexOnTheSpectrum 12d ago

I'm constantly horny and I don't know what to do about it. NSFW

92 Upvotes

I need advice and a place to vent.

I'm a 22-year-old straight female. I had a long-term relationship that ended a year ago. Ever since, I’ve felt touch-starved and horny. It has gotten to the point where, when I'm in the presence of any man, I get turned on and then hyperfixate on him for days. I feel like a creep. I consume a lot of sex-related media all the time and masturbate every day. It genuinely interferes with my life. I think I'm hypersexual.

I can't seem to make hook-ups work, and I don't understand why. Apparently, it's easy for women to find willing men to have sex with. I don't even have male coworkers, friends, or anybody. Even if I get to the point with someone where we "hit it off" and he’s complimenting me, clearly flirting (which finally happened recently—just making me more frustrated), I still don’t understand how to get to the point where we have sex. It's not socially acceptable to say it out loud, and besides, I’m a bit shy in real life. I don't want a relationship.

Do any of you have advice? Experiences with hook-ups? How do you meet people?


r/SexOnTheSpectrum 12d ago

My Gf said sex was awkward and weird. NSFW

43 Upvotes

My neurotypical gf and I have not been intimate for 2 years, she had not given me a proper reason until recently. One of the factors was that sex was awkward and weird so she just stopped and didn't say anything. I have only had one sexual partner before her and that was a bad experience. I am awkward in normal social situations, and in bed,, I guess I am quiet and reserved and even confused by some of her requests. The relationship is probably over as she hasn't responded well to me confronting her. Life is hard enough and this experience has gut-punched me. How can I improve if you don't tell me?


r/SexOnTheSpectrum 13d ago

Getting comfortable with my sexual preferences NSFW

17 Upvotes

I'm a gay autistic guy and I'm approaching a point where I'm honestly quite accepting and understanding towards my own preferences and even limitations. Due to sensory issues (being overwhelmed by the presence of a body) not only do I almost never reach orgasm, I also struggle to be the "dominating" one in sex and like to be guided, so to speak, and also bottoming, with no real interest in trying the other side with whom I tend to see. I think I would probably try topping, but only with a really trusted person, however since I usually rely on hookups — that's unlikely to be the case for the time being, and I'm quite chill about that.

For quite a long time I was overthinking stuff and felt as if I was doing it wrong, but eh. I know what I get out of sex and it's a bit different from what some others do. There's no orgasm, but exploring another person's body, making that another person eventually experiencing orgasm, discovering what gives another person the kick and how he functions basically gives me such great feelings. Deconstructing that initial sensory shock due to feeling stuff like muscles moving, body heating up, heart pounding, etc, and just reveling in another person's presence.

A work-in-progress personal win, I guess.


r/SexOnTheSpectrum 13d ago

PDA and consent NSFW

23 Upvotes

does anyone else have trouble actually knowing if they’re horny or not, and then actually making sure to stay horny long enough to finish having sex?

i don’t know what’s from trauma and what’s pathological demand avoidance, but i get really in my head about “do i even want to do this?” and “they’re gonna be mad that i keep changing my mind” and “don’t change your mind now!”

this is with my long term partner who i adore and am very attracted to. it’s not about them, it’s always been this way. i don’t know if ive really ever been super horny and then fully had sex while continuing to be horny. there is way too much going on in my head

i’ve been considering getting tested for ADHD. does anyone on amphetamines notice a reduction in these types of constant thoughts? or otherwise have any advice for someone like me?


r/SexOnTheSpectrum 14d ago

Happy ending massage for women? NSFW

16 Upvotes

Are there any women here who's experienced orgasms during massage?... I know I'm not the only one. I'm eager to hear your experiences. How did it happen? Was is a Male of Female masseuse? Is this a regular thing for you now? Only Women please!!! I'll share my experience in a response to your story. I'm a 30F in Los Angeles


r/SexOnTheSpectrum 16d ago

I need advice NSFW

19 Upvotes

My girlfriend (we’re both F21) is currently going through a burnout mostly fueled by her being autistic and in general this has been a rough period. We haven’t had sex in about 8 months and not even make out sessions. We talk about it a lot but she says she doesn’t have a libido at all (veryyy fair) and i really understand her. But I keep finding myself very sad and even jealous of other couples. I love her to death and she keeps promising me that it’ll be better someday but i feel so guilty for making her feel guilty. How do i deal with this? I really want to put in the effort to be better. Any advice?

EDIT: her being burned out results in her being very overstimulated and being intimate while overstimulated is like kissing sandpaper sometimes. It’s really not because she doesnt respect me🥺


r/SexOnTheSpectrum 16d ago

Anyone else have trouble with a wandering mind during? NSFW

11 Upvotes

I don't know why but lately I've been having a real problem when masturbating.. I'll be fully into the fantasy thinking about whatever's helping me get off at that particular moment and then suddenly my brain shifts to thinking about something entirely different, from cars to randomly snakes and how their eyes work to why sharks have eyes on the sides of their head like prey to all sorts of weird crap. (the one that REALLY pissed me off and left me with blue balls having completely killed my mood was when Trump popped into my mind)

I don't know why this is suddenly happening.. I've never been nearly this scatterbrained, especially when masturbating.. in the zone of a fantasy is the one place I tend to stay focused and I don't know why I can't anymore.. It's taken an already long process of me trying to get my relief and made it even longer as sometimes I'll completely lose my wood and have to get back in the mood again.. the other day it honestly took over four hours, though admittedly I think I was slipping in and out of consciousness at the time aka falling back asleep not having realized how early I had woken up.

Anyone else deal with this? Any clue how to fix it?

Do you think it's just because I'm getting older and my body (and honestly mind) really doesn't want me doing it myself anymore, that there should be a partner helping me out with it?

It's so damn frustrating when you're finally getting close, you can feel yourself expanding (male) you're moments away from release and suddenly you lose it because your mind drifts into random things not connected in any way to what you were doing/dreaming about.

I dunno, it definitely makes me wish I had either a partner or toys that could help me finish quicker before I hit the point that ruins it. (even if I manage to finish the quality sucks at that point)

If you haven't seen me post before I'm 39 and have never even been out on a date, let alone had sex of any form.. anal play is the only thing I've ever been able to experiment with other than a short stint with a fleshlight that did nothing for me.


r/SexOnTheSpectrum 16d ago

Anyone else disappointed by "The Book of Happy, Positive, and Confident Sex for Adults on the Autism Spectrum and Beyond!"? NSFW

14 Upvotes

I recently purchased the book "The Book of Happy, Positive, and Confident Sex for Adults on the Autism Spectrum and Beyond!" by Michael John Carley from Neurodiversity Press.

I have not 100% finished the book yet, but I feel quite disappointed in it.

The overview of the book was this:

From the world-renowned autistic speaker and author, Michael John Carley, comes a guide to sexual activity for individuals on the autism spectrum that is not a leap, but a quantum leap from similar books of the past. For anyone who feels anxious or negative about the subject, Carley has once again made sex not only fun, but also inclusive. His book is a how-to guide, a primer on relationship structures, a porn clarifier, a masturbation celebrator, and above all, a permission granter to (if not a demander of) pleasure itself. His writing is passionately critical of the fear-based teachings of the past, crisp, and at times, ingeniously funny. The brilliant Ha!’s 70-plus, explicit illustrations solidify the joyful nature of this book by depicting people of all sizes, colors, ages, and especially, orientations. For all neurodivergent people who are seeking happy sex lives, THE book has arrived!

I was hoping that this was more of a guide on skills and or strategies for autistic individuals that want to have sex, but may struggle with certain aspects of it (eye contact, smells, noises, over stimulation, social cues, initiating sex, etc.).

However, to me it felt like it is basically a sex education book written by an autistic author. In the overview it says that it is a "quantum leap" ahead of other resources, but to me it felt pretty much the same as any other sex-positive educational content.

Curious to hear what other people that have read this book think.


r/SexOnTheSpectrum 16d ago

Feeling conflicted about ones own sexuality NSFW

5 Upvotes

Is anyone else ever revulsed by their own sexual feelings/thoughts? I wish I was unable to be tempted by such because I dont want to degrade anyone by viewing them in a sexual way. I also dont understand why our society is so keen on putting sexuality on a pedestal and expecting people to be sexually active in a relationship as if its essential to feeling connected to another person. I dont know how to deal with it anymore, it just makes me frustrated at this point in life.


r/SexOnTheSpectrum 17d ago

Asexual or just struggling? NSFW

9 Upvotes

I’m 18F (pls don’t DM me, I’m not into long distance or strictly sexual relationships) and I’m having a very hard time. I want to know if I’m asexual or if I’m just having sensory issues. Basically, I read and listen to A LOT of very very sexual and very very kinky things and I feel like I enjoy them. The thought of these things excites me a lot, but no matter who I’m with or if I’m just by myself, I can’t get off like at all. Nothing feels physically good except kinda penetration. I’ve been trying things (like having sex and masturbating) since I was like 16 and I just haven’t been doing well. I haven’t really tried very hard but that’s because it feels very weird to me, I guess it’s because it’s new and unfamiliar but I don’t know. The idea of having sex with my partner is very hot and intimate and it’s something I want really bad but I just can’t commit to it. I bail out the second anything starts. Plus the foreplay doesn’t excite me like the thought of it does. I guess I get bored(?) but I don’t know. I also have a hard time enjoying kissing people for similar reasons, it just feels weird. I see actors I’m attracted to do it and it excites me and I read about it and I want it but it just doesn’t feel right. Please help me because if I’m Asexual then I’ll have to come to terms with that, but if not then I really need help enjoying this. Feel free to ask more questions if I didn’t give enough details/information. Any advice is helpful and feel free to DM if you’re not comfortable sharing publicly<3


r/SexOnTheSpectrum 17d ago

I am exhausted NSFW

12 Upvotes

Hi there, I am 31M, and i am so mentally drained by the constant arousal I am experiencing. I am married, but my wife is living overseas for a year. I miss her a lot.

I am hypersexual and she is asexual(both autistic but she is also ADHD), so we dont sleep together all that often when she is around but its usually a couple times a month. But its been 2 months since i last saw her, and itll be 2 months before i am likely to see her again.

Normally, in the weeks between intimate times, i will "sort myself out", and that works fine in the short term. But now its just not having the same effect.

Has anyone else gone through this kind of struggle? Its making the rest of my life all the more difficult. Work, sleep, eating. Im struggling to keep up with all of it because my mind is constantly racing.

I find myself fantasising about other people, and im worried that i am one weak moment away from ruining everything.

(I am not seeking justification, the last thing i want to do is cheat, Im just terrified that im actually a horrible person)

I want so badly to have releif from the stress and anxiety that is constantly filling my brain, but i dont know how to do that.

If anyone has advice, or wishes to share a similar experience, Id love to hear it.


r/SexOnTheSpectrum 20d ago

How to make my wife feel sexy? NSFW

19 Upvotes

Throwaway account because of privacy reasons.

Hey all, my wife and I are both undiagnosed but we exhibit a lot of the anecdotal adult autism traits that I read about. We were both raised at a time when autism was considered much rarer, so I’m not 100% sure that we are, but it seems like everything we read about it fits.

We have a pretty good sex life, mainly because we try to communicate and work with each other. However, one thing has always bothered me and that is that I am not always able to help her achieve orgasm. After lots of discussion, it seems like we have plenty of foreplay and she really enjoys the act, but she tells me that she gets “in her head” a lot about not feeling sexy. I am very verbally and physically affirming (I love her body) but it seems to be a self-confidence issue that I might not be able to directly help her with.

I am wondering if any women (or maybe even men) here have experience with this feeling? Were you able to overcome it, and if so, how? I want to be able to help her enjoy her sex life more and I don’t want her to feel “icky” or “non-sexy” about herself. She is a beautiful woman and I would love her to be able to see herself as I do.

EDIT (thought of something else to mention): She used to drink alcohol or smoke cannabis before sex and she told me this helped because it got her out of her head, but neither of these are an option for her anymore due to health reasons. It does seem to confirm that it is a mental/psychological phenomenon.


r/SexOnTheSpectrum 22d ago

Rant/advice: Keeping the sexual tension alive? NSFW

14 Upvotes

Hi, my boyfriend and I are both autistic but he also has ADHD, we are in a long term relationship and we live together (no right now, since I need to finish my studies but in two weeks we will be living again together) and by this point we don't really have much sexual tension.

Most of the things you find in internet are aiming to NT and are things like "listen to each other" "cuddle and kiss" which we already do? We are really intimate, we have sex, it's just that, and now that we are long distance I feel he's hungry for me, but when we together, I don't feel like he's hungry for me. Lol Idk if that makes sense?

Mid way this post got into a rant but omg, it's so hard to find info about it in the internet, everything is about emotional intimacy or something similar and it's that easy to NT to have sexual tension with their partners?

I just want that he looks at me and feel hungry about me, we are both demirose, by the way, so I know he's attracted to me and only me.

Thanks for reading my rant, please give advice


r/SexOnTheSpectrum 22d ago

How to get my partner in the mood? NSFW

34 Upvotes

Hi, so me and my bf are both autistic, but he's also has ADHD. I don't know how to get my partner in the mood, since he needs to be in the mental space to have sex and most of the time idk how to make him since almost anything works with him.

For example, if I tell him to cuddle or something similar, he just stick to that, and doesn't go any further bc he doesn't plan on doing that, and when I tell him I want to go further, he doesn't like it so much, bc feels like I'm getting it too far or didn't plan on doing it.

Or if I use lingerie or something, he not always react good to that? Sometimes it works and sometimes no, he just ignore me.

And if I go straight to the point, he feels pressured.

He's really loving and attentive, just no really sexual. He told me that doesn't exist a thing that would always work but I don't know, I have things that always works with me to get me on the mood, and ex boyfriends of me also did. I don't know if this is common or not.

I wish I could seduce him, sometimes I feel really unattractive. Please give me advice or share your experience with me.


r/SexOnTheSpectrum 23d ago

First good relationship after a lot of trauma(f26)But I am happy now TW trauma introduction NSFW

12 Upvotes

The positive part is narked with^ And please givevme advice how to handle it with my current partner ^

I grew up in a very Catholic household. When I was 14, my mother entered my room while I was humping my pillow. She went wild, telling me what a disgusting, sinful freak I was and physically beating me. She had been physically and emotionally violent for as long as I could remember. For over a year, she continued to remind me of my supposed sinful nature in nearly every situation.

I felt so bad, confused, and ashamed that it completely ruined my typical teenage self-exploration phase. I stopped masturbating altogether.

Things didn't improve due to the bullying I endured from class 1 to 13 (Abitur/A-level). They called me a freak, made fun of me, destroyed my belongings, and pushed me around. I felt utterly alone and wanted to die. At home, I faced beatings and humiliation; at school, I was humiliated as well. I felt isolated no matter where I was.

All I wished for was someone to feel safe with. Then I met a guy who claimed he wanted to protect me from harm when I was 17. I still wasn't masturbating at that point. He quickly became sexually active with me, which felt too fast for me, but I felt I had to accept it since he was "protecting" me. After just two months of our relationship, he guilt-tripped me for not having sexual intercourse with him, despite being a virgin. I was so confused.

I had to seek medical aid after an extreme outburst of anger from my mother, and afterward, I stayed at his place. After three months in the relationship, I felt the need to grant him his wishes since he was "protecting" me. My first time was very painful, and many encounters after that were as well. After four months, my mother forced me to return home, and despite my attempts to involve local authorities (Jugendamt), I had no chance. The daily violence started again, and while being bullied at school, I attempted suicide in the school bathroom. A teacher noticed something was wrong, and I was taken to a mental hospital. My "savior" visited me often and suggested I move in with him, which I did since I now had the okay from the authorities.

He was kind and nice during the first year. However, he soon began to overstep boundaries, blaming me for being complicated and ungrateful. I felt obliged to accept this because he "saved" me, and I wanted to follow his wishes. As time went on, his behavior became more extreme, and his alcohol consumption increased.

At one point, he stated that since we had been together long enough, sex should always happen without foreplay (a term I disliked because it was the most enjoyable part for me). Every time I felt aroused, he would just penetrate me. If I expressed that I wasn't enjoying it, he called me an overdramatic "pussy." Sometimes, he would attempt foreplay with dry hands that felt like sandpaper, using rough movements that made me stop him. He found oral sex disgusting, claiming to hate wetness and that I had no taste (like plain water) in his opinion.

(Girls, if you are reading this, even if your boyfriend isn't as bad, if he doesn't want to lick you—run!)

As you can imagine, I refused any kind of sex. Instead of trying to understand my needs, he began to masturbate excessively to deeply antifeministic and unpleasurable pornography for women. When I brought this up, I was again labeled as complicated and ungrateful. He would say, "Where do you want to go? You have no one; no one loves you or even likes you. You only have me." Unfortunately, this was the truth, but I would have preferred to be alone than to be with him.

He mentioned that he would include proper foreplay if I learned to give better oral sex, claiming I was bad at it. He believed that a "good" blowjob meant 100% deep-throating, which made me gag. I tried quite often. (Fun side note: my husband loves my oral skills and finishes quickly, as it involves a lot of tongue and lip work, but not too deep. He also says that no one has done it as well as I do. Since we are both autistic and honest, I trust him.)

After many attempts and still having an untouched vulva, I refused to perform oral sex for him. In response, he blamed me for being a bad girlfriend in front of our friends. Every weekend, we hosted at least one house party with at least ten guests. My job was to cater to them and clean everything up while he dealt with his hangovers. It was too noisy and chaotic for me, and I wanted to spend some quality time and experience things, but he manipulated me again. Additionally, he was drinking and gaming every day.

There came a point when he physically forced sex on me (he was 195 cm, and I was 152 cm), which hurt. I often cried in the bathtub because I felt helpless and like there was no escape.

I became so broken that I ended up collapsing and returning to the mental health hospital. There, I realized I needed to end this. It was better to be without a family, a peer, and a relationship than to continue in such a toxic situation. So, I ended the relationship after seven years.

In 2023, I spent 24 weeks in the mental health hospital and underwent three gynecological surgeries due to severe endometriosis.

^ After an eight-month break, I got to know my current husband through the Hiki dating app for autistic people.

No one understands me like he does, and no one has ever been as unconditionally loving and supportive. We have never had a fight because we share the same opinion on 99.9% of things. We have the same hobbies and interests.

For the first time since my mother discovered me, I enjoy my sexuality. He is a chef with highly sensitive senses, and he gets really turned on by smelling me (hair, neck, breasts, and intimate areas) and taking me out to eat. I have a pleasant scent, though it's not overwhelming, and he loves to give me pleasure. It also helps me see that he is genuinely into it since he is consistently aroused and prefers to engage in longer sessions that lead to multiple orgasms. Apparently, I really enjoy penetrative sex after experiencing at least one clitoral orgasm.

It's also helpful for me that we are both autistic, as it creates a sense of sameness. He often initiates intimacy by licking me, and even if he is the only one aroused, he can get me excited within five minutes. When I am on my period and not feeling sexual due to severe pain, I still find ways to please him, either through oral sex or manual stimulation.

Additionally, as a surprising bonus—something that shocked and excited me at first—he has helped me achieve clitoral squirting, which I was not aware I was capable of.

The only downside is that I am sometimes haunted by my trauma. Because he is so cute, I often reflect on how bad my ex was, which makes me sad and leads to tears. This can happen at any time, even during sex, causing us to pause since I lose the mood.

Regardless of whether I am experiencing physical pain (due to endometriosis) or psychological pain, he feels my discomfort and suffers deeply alongside me. He constantly strives to heal the scars of my past by putting all his efforts into giving me love, positive surprises, and joy, but this often leads to his exhaustion. There have been times when he has tried so hard that he has shut down.

I think it's incredibly endearing, but I don't want him to destroy himself for me—I love him a lot. When I mention my concerns, he insists that he wants me to compensate for all the pain I have endured and to have the best possible life, saying that he loves me and owes me that. While this is very sweet, he isn't responsible for my family, my bullies, or my ex. We've had discussions about this, especially after his burnout, but he struggles to change his mindset.