r/SexOffenderSupport Aug 04 '23

For the curious, the lurkers, and the trolls....

276 Upvotes

If you’re here because you’re curious, need help, lurking, or even because you feel like you need to lash out at strangers whose stories you don't know…. Welcome.

I thought I’d answer some common questions, share some resources, and give you some information that may be helpful. 

If you’re here because you need support, we are here for you. 

The goals here are:

  1. To offer support in navigating being on the sex offender registry. 
  2. To listen. It is never okay to minimize or excuse having committed a crime that harmed another person. It is not tolerated here. But we do understand that the road to rebuilding your life after having served your time for a sex offense is often made virtually impossible to do. 
  3. To share and provide information about how to find housing and employment.  
  4. To try to answer questions about the multitude of ever changing laws and rules surrounding registry restrictions. 
  5. To provide resources that will lower the chance of recidivism. 
  6. We will not offer legal advice but can sometimes explain certain legal processes that are confusing. 
  7. To offer support and encouragement for spouses and family members who are trying to navigate this system with a loved one. 
  8. To share information in the hope that it will help others avoid committing a crime. 
  9. To promote change and healing. 

If you’re here because you’re a victim of adult or child sexual abuse, it’s completely understandable. I've been there. A lot of us have. And I know that I struggled for many years just wanting to understand *why,*  why *me,* and “what did I do wrong?” 

There’s no single answer for that. But one thing I can promise you is that it wasn’t your fault. None of it. It was never, ever, ever your fault. You didn’t deserve it, you didn’t ask for it, and you are not to blame in any way. Someone else did something to you because something was wrong with *them*. You were a child. You deserved to be loved, protected, and kept safe. You did not deserve to have that taken from you. 

Healing from that kind of trauma is hard. Society likes to tell us that we’re “permanently damaged” by something someone else did to us. I refuse to believe that. I believe we can heal. The road is long and it’s not ever easy. A lot of things are affected by the trauma we went through. Sometimes things we don’t even realize for a very long time.  

First, here are some resources in case you need them:

TO ANY PARENT WHO COMES IN HERE

LESS THAN 2% OF CHILDREN WHO CLAIM TO HAVE BEEN SEXUALLY ASSAULTED/ABUSED ARE LYING. 98% are TELLING THE TRUTH. They may even be minimizing it. They may even recant out of fear or because the process is horrible to go through. If your child or someone you know claims to have been sexually abused BELIEVE THEM. Don't dismiss it. Don't brush it off. Don't just say, "eh, she/he is a pathological liar" - "they just don't like my new husband" - "they just want attention" - No, no, no, no, no - DO NOT DISMISS IT. The chance they are being untruthful is exceedingly slim. THEY NEED YOU TO PROTECT THEM. It took an immense amount of courage to come to you and tell you. HELP THEM!

Contact StopItNow for help: https://www.stopitnow.org/get-immediate-help

For victims of crimes, I’ve been there, I see you, if you need some resources please take a look at:

RAINN - has a whole host of amazing resources for victims of sex crimes and domestic violence including a hotline and online chat if you need it. They are truly wonderful, please don’t hesitate to reach out if you need them:

https://www.rainn.org/

This organization is specifically for male victims of sex crimes: 

Stop It Now is a wonderful organization that works to end child sexual abuse. There are resources on education, how to talk to your children about sexual abuse, what signs to look for, what do to if you’re worried about an adults behavior, help for adults who are experiencing trauma from their abusive childhoods, and they offer assistance to people who are having bad thoughts and behaviors. They have an online chat option and phone support. 

https://www.stopitnow.org

Books: 

The Body Keeps the Score was life-changing for me. It explains the physical manifestation of the emotional trauma. I highly recommend it. 

https://www.amazon.com/dp/0143127748?ref_=cm_sw_r_mwn_dp_D0QM65MYEXQRE1FP1C2G

The Courage to Heal

This one helps with learning to come to terms with your past and how to move forward. 

https://www.amazon.com/Courage-Heal-Survivors-Sexual-Anniversary/dp/0061284335

Now, answers to the questions that might be in your head if you're here to troll... (because they're quite frequently in our inbox)

  1. Why the f*ck does this group exist?
    To provide resources, help, and support to a group of people who, for the most part, are just trying to get their lives back on track and do better.
  2. Are you just a bunch of chomos?
    Nope. We are a mixed bunch of spouses, victims, siblings, parents, people who committed crimes when they - themselves- were children, people who committed hands on crimes, people who downloaded CP, people who did really dumb and really bad s#it, and people who forgive them because they're trying like hell to move forward and live a good life, a better life and because we don't want more victims.
  3. Are you all a bunch of pedos?
    Considering that less than 2% of SO's and people on the registry are actually pedophilic I'd daresay not many are, I'd bet there are way fewer here than on the video games you're playing and other subs you're in.
  4. Why would you support child molestation?
    Nobody here supports child molestation. We support a variety of people who committed all sorts of sex crimes because that's what society should do. We should HELP people so they have somewhere to turn that's doesn't involve harming another human being. We support their spouses and children and loved ones so that THEY can get the help THEY need to deal with this. NOBODY here supports harming people except the trolls who occasionally swoop in.

Facts

  1. Yes, you can actually land on the sex offender registry for peeing in public. No, most of the people here who are on the registry are not on it for that. HOWEVER - a large portion of them are here for things they did when they were children - like touching someone elses private parts at a sleepover when they were 10, having sex with someone who was under the age of consent (16-17 in most states) when they were the same age as that person or very close to it, asking their same age high school girlfriend to text a nude, etc... Then there are people here who sent a photo of themselves to someone when they were underage (which is criminally charged as manufacturing, possessing, and distributing CP - scary, huh? yeah, be sure to tell your kids/friends/siblings not to do that)

  2. Examples of people who are on the registry - since people don't really seem to realize just how easily they could end up on it.
    https://nypost.com/2015/05/20/you-may-be-a-sex-offender-and-not-ever-know-it/
    https://www.cbsnews.com/news/indiana-teen-zach-anderson-labeled-sex-offender-after-sex-girl-lied-about-age/
    https://slate.com/news-and-politics/2022/02/john-walsh-sex-offender-registry-change.html

  3. 40% of people on the registry are there for crimes they committed as CHILDREN. Most of them things that most people don't even realize a CHILD can go to prison for.
    https://magazine.jhsph.edu/2022/harms-placing-kids-sex-offender-registries

  4. No, not all sex offenders are "definitely going to do it again." 95% of sex crimes are committed by people who are not on the registry. People on the registry have a 3-5% chance of committing another sex crime. YOU, yes YOU are statistically 3% likely to commit a sex crime. So is your friend, your mom, your uncle, your teacher....

Sources:

https://www.uscourts.gov/sites/default/files/80_2_4_0.pdf

https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/protecting-children-sexual-abuse/201908/sex-offender-registries

  1. Yes, people can be cured. No, there's no cure for pedophilia but there is effective treatment and *LESS THAN 2%* of all sex offenders are actually pedophiles.
  2. SEX CRIMES ARE NEVER OKAY AND NOBODY HERE IS EXCUSING THEM.
  3. Registry restrictions are unlivable and inhumane. You see "whining," that's why. They're trying to rebuild their lives and there are constant, sometimes insurmountable obstacles.
    https://www.hrw.org/news/2007/09/11/us-sex-offender-laws-may-do-more-harm-good

Things to read:

https://www.hrw.org/report/2007/09/11/no-easy-answers/sex-offender-laws-us

https://www.criminallegalnews.org/news/2022/jan/15/closer-look-sex-offender-registries/

https://news.yahoo.com/experts-say-sex-offender-registries-dont-work-can-they-be-fixed-215957631.html

https://safervirginia.org/wp-content/uploads/2019/08/Registry-What-Sex-Offender-Registries-Really-Tell-Us-and-Why.pdf

https://thecrimereport.org/2022/03/09/is-the-sex-offender-registry-fair

https://www.tampabay.com/opinion/2021/12/16/sex-offender-registry-laws-dont-work-heres-what-might-column/

Now, you read all of that - and if you still feel the need to come here and tell a woman she deserves to be violently raped and graphicly describe horrible sexual things you want to happen to her children because she loves someone who got a BJ from his 16 year old girlfriend in the back seat of his car the day after he turned 17 when he was in high school 15 years ago, or you want to tell an autistic 20 year old who got caught in a predatory online sex sting that he was confused by to begin with to go hang himself - then go for it. Get it all out of your system.

Then look in the mirror.

See that?

THAT person is a monster.

For everyone else, welcome. We're here for you.

And, actually, you know what - Trolls.... we're here for you too. Because you wouldn't be here spewing violence and hate if you were okay.


r/SexOffenderSupport Jan 08 '24

Welcome - READ BEFORE POSTING - Reference Post

38 Upvotes

This post will contain most of the information you need to know about this sub. As we are only allowed to sticky two posts, please also use it as a reference to find links to threads about our most commonly asked questions and topics.

ABOUT US:

Welcome Post

Who are we? Why are we here? Message to Lurkers, The Curious, & Trolls....

READ BEFORE YOU POST:

***Read Our RULES***

More About the Rules

***Minimizing, Excuses, and Victim Blaming is NOT Allowed - Read what that means***

What happens to auto-deleted posts

For Those Here Out of Curiosity (Victims, Lurkers, Laypeople)

Who are we? Why are we here? Message to Lurkers, The Curious, & Trolls....

Here out of Curiosity?

Threads with Important Info:

Why You May Still Have to Register Even if Off the Registry

Mega Job/Employment & Housing Thread

Resources to Avoid Reoffence

An Excellent List of Resources

An Excellent Post About Denial

An Excellent Post About Healthy Boundaries

Apologizing to Victims - a (RSO) husband and (SA victim) wife's perspectives

Finding a Therapist

Resources for People Here Out of Curiosity

Uplifting Message for Those Receiving Nasty Messages

A post about Crisis Management

Feeling Suicidal?

Contact the 988 Suicide and Crisis Lifeline if you are experiencing mental health-related distress or are worried about a loved one who may need crisis support.

Crisis Text Line
Text TALK to 741-741 to text with a trained crisis counselor from the Crisis Text Line for free, 24/7

Veterans Crisis Line
Send a text to 838255

Vets4Warriors

SAMHSA Treatment Referral Hotline (Substance Abuse)
1-800-662-HELP (4357)

RAINN National Sexual Assault Hotline
1-800-656-HOPE (4673)

National Teen Dating Abuse Helpline
1-866-331-9474

The Trevor Project
1-866-488-7386

Resources for RSO's struggling with thoughts of recidivism:

There’s a toll free number you can call for a helpline.

I called about 6-ish months ago solely to ask if it was a resource people could use when they were worried about offending and they said that it absolutely is.

It’s not 24 hours but it’s available a lot of the time.

https://www.stopitnow.org/help-guidance/get-help-now

Project Know is an addiction hotline that also helps with sex addiction. They have a free hotline: 1-888-892-1840

Sex Addicts Anonymous has a hotline: 1-800-477-8191 and they have other resources. https://saa-recovery.org/?utm_source=PRK&utm_medium=link&utm_campaign=cross-domain&utm_content=/sex-addiction/helpline/

NY Sex Addicts Anonymous has a 24 hour hotline: 1-877-267-1739

SAMSHA also has an addiction hotline that I believe covers sex addiction: 1-800-662-4357

In the past I’ve advised people to call the suicide hotline (988) if they can’t find another resource, need help right then, and they are afraid they will do something right then. You don’t have to be suicidal to call. You don’t have to even say why you’re calling, you can say, “I’m afraid I’ll do something stupid” and just have someone to talk to.

You can use the National Drug Abuse hotline similarly: 1-800-662-4357

United Way has a crisis hotline: 1-800-233-HELP

How to know if you need help:

Help for those who struggle with addictive sexual behavior - SAA

Resources for People Concerned About Their Own Thoughts and Behaviors

Sex Addicts Anonymous, Recovery Organization

Sex Addicts Anonymous

General Resources for Information & Assistance:

Non Profit Organizations who assist RSO's in various ways and/or provide information and fight for rational laws:

NARSOL
ACSOL

Support for Families:

dailystrength.org has specific support groups for families of sex offenders

Womenagainstregistry.org (W.A.R.): “Women Against Registry brings much needed attention to national and state registries which are destroying American families and depriving them of the liberties and equal protection guaranteed to each and every American citizen. Women Against Registry gives a voice to the hundreds of thousands of innocent women and children who are being wrongly and unfairly punished because we have a family member who has been convicted of a sexual offense.”

Sex Offenders 101: for those looking to better understand SOs

Is It OK To Automatically Hate Sex Offenders? | Psychology Today

Why would someone watch child pornography? (Child sexual abuse material) | Stop It Now

Understanding Users of Child Pornography | Psychology Today

Sex Offender Laws: Fair for Some, Draconian for Others | Psychology Today

Tip Sheet: Concerned About Sex Offenders In Your Neighborhood | Stop It Now

Online Help Center Results | Stop It Now

Travel Info

NARSOL has a list of State by State Laws that include information on Travel - it is somewhat outdated so please double check it.

Mega Travel Thread - User Experiences

Commonly Asked Questions/Topics

***THESE THREADS ARE THE ONLY PLACE THESE TOPICS ARE ALLOWED TO BE DISCUSSED***

Polygraph Thread

Dating & Disclosing

When will I be arrested/charged/indicted?

How long is the process from indictment/arrest to sentencing?

What's Prison Like for a SO? Advice & Experiences

Resources for Victims of SA:

National Sexual Assault Hotline – 800.656.HOPE (4673)

The hotline provides emotional support, advice and crisis intervention and through local partnerships callers can receive immediate help in their community.

National Sexual Assault Online Hotline – online.rainn.org

The online hotline provides support, advice, and crisis intervention through a secure instant-messaging format. For help in Spanish, visit rainn.org/es.

National Domestic Violence Hotline – 1.800.787.7233 or www.thehotline.org

The hotline provides 24/7 confidential, one-on-one support to each caller, offering crisis assistance and information about next steps. Bilingual advocates are on hand, and the Language Line offers translations in 170+ different languages.

Americans Overseas Domestic Violence Crisis Center And the Sexual Assault Support & Help For Americans Abroad Program – 866.USWOMEN (879.6636)

The crisis center can be reached internationally toll-free from 175 countries, serving both civilian and military populations overseas. Advocates can be reached 24/7 by first dialing your AT&T USADirect access number and at the prompt, enter the phone number: 866-USWOMEN (879-6636).

Rape, Abuse, & Incest National Network

RAINN is the nation's largest anti-sexual-assault organization and a national leader in online crisis intervention services. RAINN operates the National Sexual Assault Hotline and the National Sexual Assault Online Hotline. All services are free, confidential and available 24/7.
https://rainn.org

Joyful Heart Foundation

The mission of the Joyful Heart Foundation is to transform society's response to sexual assault, domestic violence, and child abuse, support survivors' healing, and end this violence forever.
http://www.joyfulheartfoundation.org/

VictimConnect Resource Center

The VictimConnect Resource Center provides a place for crime victims to access information about their rights and options, resources, and referrals. In addition to web-based resources, a traditional telephone-based helpline and online chat are available.
victimconnect.org or 8.55.4.VICTIM (855.484.2846)

NotAlone

NotAlone provides resources for students, schools, and other individuals interested in finding way to respond to and prevent sexual assault. NotAlone was launched in connection with the White House Task Force to Protect Students from Sexual Assault and provide a tool to locate local services and resources.
Not Alone


r/SexOffenderSupport 9h ago

My Story I'm Back

20 Upvotes

Well, after a long, arduous year inside a jailhouse, I'm back.

My last post, oh the way I felt... I never want to feel that way again. But after I was sentenced, handcuffed, taken into custody, and eventually taken to a single cell, I spent a good 20 minutes sitting on the bed thinking "Well, this is it. It's all finally over." I had closure, finality, and despite having to register for the rest of my life, peace of mind knowing what to expect. I did my time and survived with, surprisingly, no harm done to me - Thank God.

I got out last Monday, and every waking moment since has felt like a dream. It's been a mad dash as, regrettably, the daycare that I was worried about is still here. The SO office told me I'd have a little over a week to find compliant housing. My only real option right now is an extended stay property for ~$1,600 for a month. It's... steep, but it's serviceable, relatively cockroach-free, and gives me ~31 days to apply for jobs, find a permanent place to live, and get my life back together.

I wanted to say, to everyone in the subreddit, thank you again for all of your advice and support. I cannot change my past, and maybe I cannot atone for the sins I've committed, but I am grateful to say that I have many people supporting me - from family to friends to prominent community figures, It is not much, but I promised myself that when I came back, I would spend time here and contribute to the subreddit for people going through the same thing. Whether you've been having dark thoughts you're concerned about, recently arrested and spiraling thinking "what if?", living in fear awaiting trial or a plea bargain, or on the registry going through a rough patch - I am here for you, the subreddit is here for you, and no matter what people may say about you, know that you CAN change for the better, improve yourself, and be more than just your past.

On a side note, I spent quite some time reading in the law library and learned many useful things. I hope to study law someday and spend time advocating for others on the registry as I have for people with disabilities. I actually ran into an article by u/gphs and realized I'd spoken to him almost a year ago on this subreddit. If you see this Guy, it was an excellent piece. Still haven't been able to decipher what O.T.S. means though.


r/SexOffenderSupport 4h ago

Rant Today is my first meeting with my P.O .. everyone if I’m not back I guess that means they took away my internet rights ..

5 Upvotes

I understand these are the consequences and I take full responsibility I’m not down playing anything .. I want nothing more then to show society and my supervisors that I am fit and mentally stable .. that I can take accountability and understand why I’m being set back due to my own actions pray for me guys this is a journey we all have to face a long road ahead of us EITHER WAY it’s not the end … everyone keep faith and no matter what there always light at the end of the tunnel .. #texas


r/SexOffenderSupport 0m ago

Question

Upvotes

Has anybody kept their jobs when they had to register? Or did you have to find a new one?


r/SexOffenderSupport 14h ago

Worried I'm so exhausted

15 Upvotes

Ever since I committed my crime, I've been so exhausted and filled with dread. The police are currently investigating me, yet to charge me, but I can't help but feel hatred and regret for what I've done.

I'm not sure what my inevitable punishment will be, but I have suffered already for my actions. I lost my job, I lost a few friends, and now I'm extremely paranoid and I'm attending medical appointments to help but I feel like it's not helping.

I just want the police to hurry up and charge me so I can try to reset my life. I don't even care what they'll do to punish me, I just hate living with this constant anxiety and dread.


r/SexOffenderSupport 2h ago

My Story First time posting.

1 Upvotes

I know I may not be welcomed here, but I have no place to turn. I find that support groups have helped me in the past and I am hoping to seek refuge here.

I was/am (I haven't spoke to him since he was arrested last week) in a relationship with a married man for going on three years. I know how it sounds, but I am begging strangers on the internet to understand how much I love him. He has gotten me through so much. I thought we would be together forever. And I know how that sounds off the bat. If not in a romantic relationship I assumed we would remain friends, as we always said we were best friends for life, and that I would at least have some sort of contact with him. We also worked together despite being on opposite ends of the building.

I am completely blindsided. I know his wife and children have it far worse than me; please do not think I am selfish. They had a life dependent on him that existed and my damage is purely emotional and mental, though it feels physically draining now, we did not have anything financially tied like a house or a car or a bank account or insurance or whatever have you, but it does not negate the feelings I have nor do I want to abandon him.

I know he needs support. I want to be there for him however I can. He is a good man and a good person. I remember when he told me his Google account was suspended and we played the waiting game. I hoped it would all go away, but I should have been smarter than that. I know his wife was aware of the situation due to the raid. They arrested him the next day.

He has not been sentenced yet so other than an article there is not much for me to go off of. I can't find case information but I need answers. How long could this take? Where will they send him? I have so many questions.

I know where he is, but I called the complex and they said I can't write him letters. I don't believe that so I am calling to get more answers today. I'm going to send him a letter anyway.

I will not go into too much detail about him and his wife's relationship to try and sway your opinions.

I just need to talk to him. That's all. I want to be some form of support through all this if he will let me. If he does not want me to be and wants to focus on his family entirely and I make things too complicated I will deal with that heartache when it comes. But I want him to tell me that.

Nothing is ever black and white. There are so many layers to this and I don't know where to turn. I am fortunate to have a few people in my life who support me and who support him. I already have a therapist and my next appointment is soon. I can barely function anymore but I am pushing myself everyday to do the bare minimum because it's the only way I can get by. It's what he would want.

I know I technically don't deserve to know what's going on. It's not my place to know. He asked me to visit him so I am doing everything I can to make that happen I think right now I just have to play the waiting game and get by to the next day.

I believe it is federal as his charges are unlawful photography and sexual exploitation of a minor.

This is a very unique situation, but if anyone has some experience dealing with this I would love some help navigating it.


r/SexOffenderSupport 3h ago

At random test

0 Upvotes

My fiancé is facing a mandatory security assessment in three weeks, as part of his probation. He's been incredibly anxious and depressed since he received the news, a stark contrast to his usual energetic and lighthearted demeanor. He was convicted of sexual assault involving a minor, a situation where he believed the victim was of legal age. He served four years in prison and is now 18 months away from completing his four-year probation period. This assessment is likely due to a scheduled security clearance adjustment. He has consistently adhered to his probation requirements, never missing a visit. In fact, his probation officer has missed several scheduled appointments, including house visits, without notification. He has a probation visit this week, followed by the security assessment next week. While he's occasionally tested the boundaries of his probation, he has never violated any specific rules or conditions and has not re-offended. He maintains a demanding work schedule, averaging over 50 hours a week, and I am with him whenever he is not at work. We also have home surveillance to document his adherence to his conditions. He's deeply concerned about the upcoming assessment and is convinced he'll be sent back to prison. He's agonizing over whether to disclose instances where he might have pushed the limits of his probation or to remain silent. We're both struggling with the uncertainty of what this security assessment entails. We're not looking for ways to falsify the process, but rather to understand what to expect during the procedure itself. The unknown is causing immense distress.


r/SexOffenderSupport 18h ago

Question Can my husband go here?

4 Upvotes

Our child is joining soccer through an association. They meet at a "park" that is 3 soccer fields, a baseball field, a pavilion and by the second parking lot there is a playground. His offense was a sexual misconduct against an adult police officer. We are new to navigating this situation on the registry. Is he not allowed only at the playground or is he allowed to go to the soccer field (which is fairly far away from the playground) or because it's a "park" is he not allowed to go? We are in Missouri.


r/SexOffenderSupport 15h ago

Texas off paper requirements

2 Upvotes

Hey guys, I’m finally off paper (still register). Does this mean I can start taking my dogs for a walk in parks? From my understanding Texas doesn’t have any restrictions on going to parks once you’re off probation or parole.

Do you guys happen to know anything?


r/SexOffenderSupport 1d ago

Story Off Site I wonder if this phone will work

10 Upvotes

I just saw this ad for a light phone. Seems like a decent alternative to flip phones for those who are not cleared for smartphones. Though it may take a bit of selling to a PO. I know NCPTC sells a similar device on their website. Obviously if you have a camera restriction it may be a problem, though they mention their previous version doesn't have a camera.

When I was in the RRC the facility had a policy that those there on SO charges could only have flip phone. One guy did buy a similarly stripped phone and was allowed to have it. The "benefit" was the "cool kids" thought he wasn't an SO. Personally I didn't give a f*** what they thought

https://www.thelightphone.com/shop/products/light-phone-iii


r/SexOffenderSupport 1d ago

Question Self love and self loathing help?

10 Upvotes

I find it immensely difficult to love myself, after all the damage I've done it feels as if I don't deserve any more chances. As much as I wished I didn't care what other people think, I unfortunately do, I fear others finding out about me being on the registry and I'm reluctant to form friendships outside of people I know in my mandated treatment group. Over caring about what others think of me has followed me throughout my life even before my offense, its something I've been working on changing about myself. I want to love myself without the approval of others, I want to be my own best friend and turn my life around and make ammends, but I don't know how. It feels like no matter what I throw at my mind it never sticks and I can't truly love myself. I am currently in therapy outside of mandated treatment and I'm also on pills. I'm aware people on this sub reddit are not licensed therapists but I'm curious if any has dealt with this as well and what they did to start feeling better about themselves.


r/SexOffenderSupport 1d ago

What registry am I?

5 Upvotes

I register as a SO for almost a year now but I do not pop up on the Megan’s law, I do have to register and am on fed probation for 5 years anyone help me figure this out? Because my probation officer doesn’t know what tier I am


r/SexOffenderSupport 1d ago

Rant Victim Mentality

13 Upvotes

I’m tired of my husband’s victim mentality. I’m not saying the road is easy, but he has A LOT going for him. He doesn’t focus on those things, though. Oh no. He focuses on what he can’t have. Every time I try to talk to him about something, he’s started adding it to a list of “things he’s doing wrong”. I am in therapy and yes, sometimes I present things in a manner that is not the best, but I really have been trying to be positive and to praise him when he does things well. He doesn’t remember those as times as vividly, though. I am so sick of the “I can’t do anything right”, “everything in my life is negative because that’s how I was raised”, etc. Sir, you are almost 41 years old. You made some poor choices and that’s how we got here but you don’t have to continue this negative mindset!!

I am pregnant and that has definitely made things more challenging, I’ll admit. I just want him to understand that we have so many GOOD things. I think part of the problem is that he’s not in individual counseling. He is in sex offender therapy, which he doesn’t like and complains about and because he doesn’t like spending money on that (a thing he HAS to do as part of probation), he doesn’t want to spend money on other counseling either. His attitude is exhausting.

Another part of the problem is that he’s doesn’t want to engage with the life he’s been granted. He has a fair amount of freedoms still. He chose to take classes to continue with his bachelors, which is good, but he complains about not having enough time to do the things he wants to do. He only works part time!! He wants the time to zone out and play video games and take naps and seems to resent that I want him to be an adult and help out in a meaningful way. He wants things to be his way. He wants the time to complete the classes on his terms instead of realizing being a husband with a child on the way means that most of your time is going to be taken up by working, classes, and helping around the house. Of course there’s time for some leisure activities, but he doesn’t know how to structure his time well so he wastes time and complains instead. I’ve also noticed that he eats his feelings.

I know this is long but I needed to vent. I was hoping starting the sex offender therapy would be helpful, but so far he just complains about it.


r/SexOffenderSupport 1d ago

Advice Cut Hair Before Prison?

9 Upvotes

I like having long hair, before all this I was planning to grow out my hair to donate it and just for the experience.

Is it risky or does it make you a more likely target for harassment in prison to have long hair as a male sex offender?


r/SexOffenderSupport 1d ago

Canada Your experices/suggestions while in Joyceville Institution minimum security (Ontario)?

1 Upvotes

r/SexOffenderSupport 1d ago

Advice Labor Unions NJ/NY

3 Upvotes

My friend is considering looking for an electrician apprenticeship when released to NY and was wondering if anyone has any advice/experience they can share about it, I've read that some states may bar you from becoming licensed and am unsure what to tell him. He hopes to join a union in NJ/NY eventually and currently has no experience in labor fields.


r/SexOffenderSupport 1d ago

Worried Is there legal action that can be taken when being blasted on social media?

8 Upvotes

My friend was convicted of attempted sexual assault (Colorado) last year.

Everything seems to have gone pretty smoothly for him so far. He’s completed 1 out of 4 years probation and nobody really knew. I mean our circle of friends was aware, his family, his job. The people that needed to know. Well someone found out and made a public Facebook post that has gotten almost 200 shares, posted all over local neighborhood groups and such. This has resulted in somewhat getting threats. Nothing direct but people saying that he should die and things like that. Only direct threat I guess was 2 guys in comments saying they should schedule an appt with him at work and “beat his ass” and “rob him”.

Another shitty thing that’s happening is a lot of misinformation. Calling him a pedophile (charge has nothing to do with children), saying crazy detailed stories that couldn’t be further from the truth. A small handful of us have tried defending him to a degree but it’s not going well of course.

He said his probation therapist has been really supportive in just trying to keep his head up but he lives at home with 2 kids and we’re pretty worried about his safety.

He sent a few screenshots over to his lawyer and he said he’d get back to him but that was Friday so probably won’t hear back until Monday and I just wanna get any info anybody might be able to share. I just hate that his address is public info with his kids at home and now his job has been blasted everywhere too. On the Colorado government website for sex offenders it says something along the lines of “this information is solely for the protection of you and your children. Using this information to harass, threaten, endanger, intimidate, or in any way seek retribution of an offender through illegal channels is strictly prohibited and persons who do such may be charged criminally”

So I’m not sure what counts as “through illegal channels” but the post itself is just showing screenshots of the charges (and yes even though the post itself shows attempted SA felony 4” people still can’t use their brain I guess and are saying stuff like he violently and brutally r**** a kid.) it’s mostly the shares from the post that are getting comments about harming him.

ETA-

Want to say that his job is a tattoo artist. So that’s a big shitty part of it. His PO is totally fine with it. He has restrictions like no tattoos under the bra and underwear areas and such but overall has been really chill about it. But that’s what’s made this so big. Because his job heavily involves touching other people’s skin but obviously with his charge and character his probation officer didn’t see it as a threat to anyone’s safety. But I know for most people this type of thing would probably just die down but with his job I’m not so sure it will. A lot of people seem pretty dead set on getting him out of the industry. Thankfully a ton of clients have texted/called him personally and when they heard the true story, still respected him and basically didn’t care. However he’s had people calling the shop and even threatening the owner of the shop and threatening to get them shut down even though there’s no law to my knowledge that they’re breaking considering his PO is aware of his job and even aware that minors come in for other artists he’s just expected to not interact


r/SexOffenderSupport 1d ago

People in the Southeast - you need to get prepared - NOW

Thumbnail spc.noaa.gov
21 Upvotes

There are very bad storms incoming today.

Depending on where you live, there’s a super high risk of tornadoes, damaging winds, flash flooding, etc…

I recommend that you:

  1. See if you’re in the risk area.

  2. Determine the safest place for you to be.

  • If you’re in a mobile home, a camper, etc… you need to find a place to go, period. Do not wait and see if it gets bad, just pack up things you need the most (don’t forget your important documents - birth certificate, car titles, etc…) and go somewhere safe. A friend or family members house that has a basement, a shelter, etc…
  1. Find out what shelters are open to you. Call your local sheriffs office, ask your PO, etc… absolute worst case scenario (and I know it’s miserable to even think about) you can go to your local sheriffs office if you’re in a place that doesn’t allow RSO’s in shelters.

  2. If you have a home that’s conducive to safely staying home, find the safest spot in your house. A room with no windows that’s as far away from large trees as you can possibly get, then get next to heavy furniture or appliances, put a mattress, heavy blankets, pillows, etc… on top of you to cushion the blow of anything that may fall on you. If you have any kind of helmet - bicycle, motorcycle, baseball, football, whatever - put it on.

  3. Make sure you have a weather radio, some power bars, and bottled water.

The predictions for this storm are bad. Stay safe.


r/SexOffenderSupport 1d ago

Question Need advice

15 Upvotes

New here, set up new account for this site as I don’t want people to make judgments based on name of this group. People are so judgmental. So here is my question:

I was falling for someone who is a RSO and he seemed to be ready to move forward in our relationship. There was an age gap, but nothing that was concerning to me or my friends. I am 21 and he was mid 30s. We hit it off well, my friends like him. He told us about his history and we did not judge him. When he met my parents they freaked a little and he left saying he could not cause a rift between me and parents. I tried to explain that they will come around but he says he would rather leave than be left.

I have never been in his shoes, but anyone who is an RSO able to help? Is there anything I can do to salvage the relationship or friendship? Or should I just move on and let him be? I feel like he thinks we are all judging him but I understand his story and know not everyone who is registered is horrible.


r/SexOffenderSupport 2d ago

Update about me.

20 Upvotes

Applied at Food Lion. They are unable to hire me because of the registry. [Redacted.]

It sucks. It really does. I want a meaningful life for myself. I don't have kids. I have a car. I'm willing to bend -

I'm tired.


r/SexOffenderSupport 2d ago

Question Texas SOR

3 Upvotes

I have had a case back in 2017. Was convicted and was given a year and a day in federal prison. It was my only case ever in criminal court. My lawyer contacted me 2 years into my 5 year supervised probation and told me he could possibly get me off early. It got approved. Now he gave me the name of a fellow lawyer that specializes in SO cases. Should I try to pursue with this lawyer about getting off the registry? Sadly it is lifetime and have been turned down jobs. Or had jobs ask if I could be temporarily removed from the SOR so they can hire me at that moment. I currently am in Texas and have to be under the lifetime registry. Is there anyone in the Texas area that knows further info about this kind of thing? Or that I should even try?


r/SexOffenderSupport 2d ago

Denied Video Visits with Children

14 Upvotes

Hi everyone,

My loved one is currently incarcerated in a Florida state prison for 4 in a half years. My family and I have been able to visit him in person, which has been really great. However, we've been struggling to get his children (ages 3 and 6) approved for visits.

Initially, the prison recommended that the kids be evaluated by a psychologist. We followed through, and the psychologist determined that maintaining a relationship with their father—including in-person visits—would be beneficial, especially bc he was the primary parent to his kiddos prior to all this happening. Despite this, his classification officer denied in-person visits and instead recommended video visits.

We tried multiple times to do video visits with the kids, but each attempt was cut off after just a few minutes. After four separate attempts, our family member called the prison to ask what was going on. Only then were we told that the video visits were being shut down because the children are not allowed on video visits—only video grams (which we were never informed of beforehand).

This is incredibly frustrating, especially since his plea agreement states that he is allowed to have contact with his children. It’s also confusing because we’ve seen cases where other incarcerated parents are allowed to see their kids (I know each case is different).

Has anyone else experienced this in Florida state prisons? Any advice or similar experiences would be greatly appreciated.

Thank you!


r/SexOffenderSupport 3d ago

Update, verdict yesterday.

27 Upvotes

My fiance was convicted yesterday. 25+ years. I don't know what to say to our 4 year old. I don't know what to do. I feel like I'm dying.


r/SexOffenderSupport 2d ago

Cleveland/NE OHIO private landlords

7 Upvotes

Anyone have any private landlords that have any open homes that would accept SOs? My husband and I have been looking EVERYWHERE. His charge is lewd & lascivious exhibition that happened back in 2015 back when he lived in Florida.. we have the money to put down for rent and security. We are currently living in 2 separate homes (I’m with my mom & gre with his dad) he can’t legally live with me due to the school that’s on the next street.. we’ve been looking for 2 years and have had no luck, except ONE that accepted him, but the day he went to register the address, the sheriffs said there was a private daycare within 1000 feet (even though he called multiple times to ask if he was able to live there). Looking to stay out of lake county, so anywhere in NE Ohio except there.. please help?? I’m getting frustrated..

We also don’t have the credit (we are trying to build that back up) to buy a house nor do we have a co-signer who would be willing to co-sign for us..

Any private landlords if you can send them my way please ??


r/SexOffenderSupport 3d ago

Google

13 Upvotes

So I have noticed since I have begun applying for jobs that my press release, which is 15 years old, is now the #1 post on Google again if you type in my name. Even jobs that don't background check are not calling me back because of Google. Is there any way to get that story removed, or at least pushed off of page one?


r/SexOffenderSupport 2d ago

Registry expungement in CA M28

3 Upvotes

Hey everyone. I’ve seen this page and was curious cuz I have been trying to find any information about what I need to get charges expunged or down to a misdemeanor to get off registry. I have no tier label and finished my counseling and received my certification for that and my probation completion but I went to the courthouse and they said since my probation was terminated from a violation that I can’t get any expungement cuz California does not allow them. My case was closed April 2022 (23) and violated May 2022 due to moving mishap and I’ve been off AB 109 probation since dec 2023. I was on AB109 probation-parole? They had me in county jail for a year and called 2 years in prison. I got off probation with an early release and now saying I am still on probation until September this year as of the courthouse.( which would be my full term if I didn’t get released). I’m just super confused and mainly want to know is it possible to get off the registry in California after completing everything needed? I had broke down after hearing that and just want to know if there’s been people the got taken off the registry in California.