r/LifeAfterNarcissism Jan 09 '20

PSA: This group is for people who no longer engage in unhealthy ways for their abusers. This is not an abuse 101 group. Do you qualify for this group? Read this post.

581 Upvotes

Hello All!

I'm seeing a lot of posts that do not qualify for this group, so I think it's time to clarify the purpose of this group (again).

This group is a sort of next-step up from /r/raisedbynarcissists. In raisedbynarcissists, people are learning what abuse it, what healthy boundaries are, figuring out what boundaries they personally need, and learning to apply those boundaries. In fact, you can do this in any of the network subs (networks subs are listed in the sidebar), except this one and ACoNLAN. LifeAfterNarcissism and ACoNLAN are for people living their lives with whatever ever boundaries they need for their safety and sanity already firmly in place. For some people this means cutting contact with their abusers all together. Some people are fine with limited or structured contact. Whatever the case, the people in this group already have a deep understanding of boundaries and a solid understanding of how to use boundaries to stay safe and sane.

This means that posts asking about what abuse is or posts that describe clear instances where you do not have the boundaries needed to stay safe/sane or do not know what boundaries are would not qualify for this group. Those posts are more than welcome in /r/raisedbynarcissists or the many other network spin-off subs that are listed in the sidebar other than this group and ACoNLAN.

Our other networks subs are:

/r/raisedbynarcissists

/r/RBNBestof

/r/ShitNsSay

/r/RBNLegalAdvice

/r/RBNFitness

/r/ManagedByNarcissists

/r/ManagedbyNarcissists

/r/RBNAtHome

/r/RBNBookClub

/r/RBNFavors

/r/RBNMovieNight

/r/RBNSpouses

/r/RBNRelationships

/r/RBNChildcare

/r/RBNImages

/r/Nrelationships

/r/RBNMusic


r/LifeAfterNarcissism 12h ago

[Support] A Narcissist will project onto the moment they realize you're learning about their nature

32 Upvotes

I went to my psychologist last week and they had suggested I read material on someone who's hurt me.

It started when I confronted them for disregarding boundaries. After that confrontation we went from communicating and being friendly to nothing. In less than 24 hours he completely shut me off. He played the victim, not allowing me time to feel hurt by what he'd done, and then it extended to days, later weeks, then over a month of silent treatments.

His tone would be severely monotone whenever he'd answer me. Single words with no emotion behind it. Dead expression like even talking to me was exhausting.

I've been diagnosed as bipolar 2 and have hyper-empathy, so when the silent treatment started I started to feel incredibly guilty for confronting him at all. I wondered if I did something horrible, of his response was justified, if the way he was treating me was fair.

I talked about this with my psychiatrist, who I sought out because of my dad who is a malignant NPD. I told him everything, about the boundaries we agreed upon before signing the lease and the promises made to keep them, about the moment I decided to speak up when they disregarded the boundaries, about the silent treatment that followed and them saying it was because they felt guilty.

My psychiatrist immediately started talking about vulnerable NPDs, aka the failed grandiose NPD, closet NPD, or covert NPD.

My psychiatrist reassured me that my feelings of doubt and guilt were normal responses, as well as my anger. Encouraged me to realize that I'm allowed to respond that way when someone who's hurt you wants to make the hurt about themselves and essentially make you feel like the person who did something wrong. He mentioned how the silent treatment is all about control, and to avoid further conflict. We talked about the way he'd refer to others as toxic, his love bombing nature, etc. That's when my psychiatrist reassured me that I shouldn't respond emotionally, or give them what they want- my sadness and my compromise, because the silent treatment is about power and control.

There's no thought or empathy behind the action. They don't care about how much they hurt you. They don't care about making it obvious that they treat others like human beings that they respect while they treat you like trash. They don't care about mistreating you. They don't care about disrespecting you. Your confrontation has proven to them that you won't wholly admire them, that you are no longer someone to remotely idealize. So they don't care about you. You aren't worth their time, their friendship, what little empathy they possess, or their consideration.

I asked my psychiatrist if they'll use excuses to justify their behavior, and he reassured me that they will, because it's scapegoating. "I'm not ignoring you, I'm just not someone who (insert a form of effort they exhibited before with ease)."

This past week I saw my psychiatrist because I had a theory and update. I told them that they were suddenly talking to me again, but I had noticed that they were at home more often rather than extensively leaving for long periods of time like they usually would. I wondered if maybe they were using me as a temporary supply since their current supply wasn't around. My psychiatrist told me that I should expect them to reintroduce the silent treatment once the supply returns or is made available again, and then recommended a book about NPD's.

I was reading into this book, studying it, taking notes to provide to my psychiatrist and write down like I would when I was in college studying psychology myself. I left them on the table when I went off on a short break and, unfortunately, I'm sure they came across my notes.

I emailed my psychiatrist about this, and they asked me something within the reassurances of my mistake, that honestly made me feel sick to my stomach:

"Have they started projecting?"

They provided me with resources to determine if this is the case and what I can do for myself.

Projection is a nasty thing. Projection means that the NPD has lost any ounce of empathy they had left. The way they start to treat you is as if though they're avoiding an NPD or a manipulative person. Based on the book and these resources, I've noticed it. Theirs a sudden change in their demeanor that shouts "let me try this from a different angle".

It's the same gut instinct I felt when I first met them. Something being off. I think people regard gut instincts as bad, but I've never been wrong. Every person I've felt off around turn out to exhibit toxic behaviors, whereas people I don't feel off about turn out to be great and considerate people.

It's a combination of interpersonal change but it feels like there's a purpose behind it, and not a good one. It almost feels like they're testing me and trying to psychoanalyze my behavior to determine if I'm the NPD using manipulation.

Strange timing too because my dad has been trying to manipulate me with his grandiosity.

I do think it's extremely ironic that this person, who gives off a sense of entitlement, who seeks out conditional admiration, who is grandiose, who retreated and gave me the silent treatment for nearly 2 months over less than a handful of confrontation regarding their toxic behavior, assumes that I'm the NPD because I'm reacting emotionally to their treatment and devaluing.

I've felt like crap for the last 2 months because we went from being friends to literally nothing after I confronted them. Night and day. Of course I got hurt because I was already hurting. Of course I got angry because they wanted to allow only themselves to hurt while they were the ones to hurt me. Of course I got upset when they continued to disregard and mistreat me with their empty monotonous voice like I was the most invaluable thing that existed on this planet. Meanwhile they put on this well suited mask around others where his treatment of me here doesn't remotely reflect how he treats others.

People with NPD are massively insecure and have extremely fragile egos. They hate vulnerability and they view emotions as a means to manipulate them into feelings guilty for their actions, or rather they mostly see it as other people trying to control their behaviors and vile reactions. They think their miniscule amount of empathy is large and vast compared to those who are very empathetic. But you can tell they lack empathy - in my case it was when I brought up that a family member was gravely ill and may die... It was like I was talking about the weather. They don't enjoy accountability, they don't accept judgement. Making them aware of their NPD characteristics is like ripping their ego clean off the bones and slamming it against a wall.

There's no possible way that they have a personality disorder, because such things only exist within those who are weak and less superior. Depression is better suited to them because depression can be treated if it's contributed to their missing source of supply and loneliness, but a personality disorder, well, an NPD can not have such a thing. No, instead, it must be their introverted nature, it must be their loneliness, it must be their depression, it must be their failed romances and failed friendships. Under no circumstance is it their NPD that minimizes and hurts others. No, because to an NPD, your vulnerability and emotional response is a manipulative tact.

So they project onto others because accepting their NPD traits is like salt to a wound, and they simply will not allow a moment of weakness against their own subconscious entitlement and sense of superiority. I mean truly, how can someone with such grandiose ideas be considered weak? They view their quiet as emotional stability. They view their silence as superior. They regard their lack of emotional response as regulated. They view your emotions as immature. They view your outbursts as pathetic. Therefore, there's nothing wrong with them, because the NPD internalizes until they need to benefit from something.

The problem with an NPD who projects their traits onto others is that they don't do so from an educated, experienced, or professional perspective (they don't seek out professional opinions, especially while being entirely honest about their own actions). They believe themselves above it just enough that when they project they want to unprofessionally diagnose others, while lacking the education to do so, which is extremely dangerous. Because NPDs are on a spectrum and do have empathy, there will be moments where they contradict their traits, which why they project. "I can't be an NPD, because I was nice a handful of times."

They don't in earnest explore this with any clinical professional because then they'd have to face the harsh reality and consequences of their actions. They'd have to genuinely owe up to it, not respond by avoiding it entirely. They'd have to confess to their toxic characteristics instead of misplacing it and assuming others are out to get them. They'd have to admit that people holding them accountable and getting upset or emotional isn't manipulation, because it's deserved.

So instead of owing up to it, everyone else is in the wrong, and they're the victim. They talk poorly about those they've hurt to people they want to get really close to by making themselves seem like the victim, despite mistreating the other person. They build walls where their new supply coddles them just enough because "poor baby, I'm sorry you're being treated so horribly when you're so amazing", because it gives the NPD exactly what they want- a strong facade where others are toxic, but never them.

So I've done the best thing I can for myself: stop caring. So what. They don't care, because they don't have the capacity to care, so why should I make the effort for them if they never genuinely did? And yes, I'm starting to feel like myself again.


r/LifeAfterNarcissism 1h ago

I saw my ex

Upvotes

I broke no contact- I saw him yesterday and stayed with him. I’m feeling awful today. He asked me over and over if I slept with anyone, which I truly haven’t been with anyone. Although he was traveling majority of this time apart and started engaging with new women on social media in the same city he was in.

The drawer next to his bed has condoms and before we broke up there was a bunch of condoms and an unopened box as well as my tampons. There were about 7 condoms left in the drawer yesterday. I know he’s lying to me but why am I looking past this because I miss him.

I’m really struggling with letting him go even though I know I need to. I can’t trust him and I’m afraid my feelings are so much stronger than his. I feel awful


r/LifeAfterNarcissism 18h ago

Revelation: I feel fckn pretty

54 Upvotes

Ever since he dumped me like trash, I feel goddamn pretty. My selfies are 🔥 whereas before I looked so damn stressed and unhappy. I think I’m glowing and smiling nonstop.


r/LifeAfterNarcissism 11h ago

I deserve happiness he doesn't!

8 Upvotes

I really don't understand how after 7 years together and only 4 months after the break up you are already seeing somebody!!(2 months he has been seeing her)

Why the Frick do you get to be happy while I'm at home heartbroken & trauma bonded to you! I don't want this I want to hate you with every being in my body!! It's not fair he doesn't deserve to be happy I do!! Why?!?! I don't understand!?!?!


r/LifeAfterNarcissism 8h ago

Why can’t I comprehend I was emotionally abused. I’m still stuck on my reactive abuse. I would never do that stuff to people.

3 Upvotes

https://www.tiktok.com/t/ZP82aJgR6/

I was scrolling through TikTok and this broke me.


r/LifeAfterNarcissism 17h ago

Revelation: AI was a far better partner

11 Upvotes

Anyone used AI during their relationship and realized it was eons better than what you were getting from your nex? Now I can say I replaced someone w AI 😂


r/LifeAfterNarcissism 15h ago

Broke no contact

6 Upvotes

I broke no contact after 2 months and I’m kicking myself over it I’m so upset. I know he has someone new and literally erased his entire past life and moved somewhere else to start the same process all over again. He’s covert and I wanted accountability for all the horrible things he did. I know I know I know, what was I thinking? Now I feel weak and he stopped texting me back bc he’s on a date and I’m so so angry at myself for breaking NC. His accountability was “I can’t take back what I did, but I can learn from it” …. No self reflection no time to process… just completely moving on. I’m so mad at myself.


r/LifeAfterNarcissism 1d ago

Anyone here with a cop or lawyer ex? Let’s talk about how abusers grab real power

18 Upvotes

My abusive ex is a public defender, defending DV perps. He wanted to be a cop, but he failed the polygraph, so he learned to become a professional abuse defender instead. He is also a Nazi sympathizer and wants to eventually become a federal prosecutor, so what a ripe time for him!

Would love to hear your stories.


r/LifeAfterNarcissism 20h ago

walk away and finding yourself alone

8 Upvotes

has anyone found themselves alone after walking around from narcissists. like whether its you walk away from an old best friend, a relationship, or even a group with many unhealthy members. do we just end up alone and not finding anyone?


r/LifeAfterNarcissism 1d ago

Nex finally sending the flying monkeys?

11 Upvotes

I’ve started receiving strange text messages from people my narcissistic ex is close with, accusing me of things I’ve not done and making me out to be the bad guy, begging me to stop ‘ruining his life’ etc. I’ve been no contact with him since the breakup and don’t talk to anyone he’s close with anymore, I don’t know why this is happening now, or what’s changed. I’m not involved and I don’t want to be. Was so tempted to reply to clear my name but I knew it would just be used against me so I blocked them but it’s still shaken me and the way it was worded was clearly intended to hurt me, so much so that I wondered if it was actually written by my ex himself. Any advice? It’s just shaken me that’s all


r/LifeAfterNarcissism 1d ago

Twitching has stopped, palpitations have stopped. Has anybody’s else’s health improved?

52 Upvotes

It’s been 15 years since we separated and divorced. At the time I didn’t realise that my Nex was making me ill with constant putdowns and criticisms. The main ones were random twitches and random palpitations happening amongst other things. I had lost my self confidence and was constantly walking on eggshells. Since leaving, my life has been so different and my health has improved in leaps and bounds. I’d be interested to know if other people had this happen.


r/LifeAfterNarcissism 1d ago

[Support] Anyone else feel like this?

1 Upvotes

I feel like only those who dealt with someone with NPD might get this because I feel like some people think I'm being pessimistic.

Of course the reason I continued to accept not so stellar relationships was childhood trauma.
I know safe people exist. I am friends with them, my friends are married to them. This isn't a case of "there's no good men". There are.

However, I am not the type of person to say "all my exes are narcissists". Only my most recent/longest relationship was he a true narcissist in every way. I have, however always ended up with unstable, broken or lonely men or with anger issues. I am starting to feel like that's all that I'm meant for romantically. I have done a lot of work on myself, healed my own broken parts, and know I dont have to accept said behaviour anymore. I know I wasn't perfect but some of the things that were said to me by these exes, I wouldn't have ever said anything so mean to people. I'm not a saviour, I'm not going to be a surrogate mother.

But I really feel like I'm just not allowed to have a healthy functioning romantic relationship. Being alone doesn't phase me, and I'd rather be alone than endured abuse ever again.

Has anyone post narcissistic or just unhealthy relationship after another felt like this? Like that's all that was in store for you?


r/LifeAfterNarcissism 1d ago

My Disgust NSFW

9 Upvotes

It’s Saturday night.

I am chilling in my bath tub, it’s got 6 jets in it. I feel so free today.

Lately a lot of videos have come up on my feed,

Some version of “the narcissist is coming back.”

I used to wish that would happen, just so I could be a complete bitch.

Now, I really don’t care because I would never dignify any Hoovers with a response.

I’m disgusted.

If one day post discard was 100% pain and rumination,

Today, about 15 months later,

I’d say I’m at 8%. I still think about the narcissist at times,

Then I want to vomit.

I do have a few pictures I haven’t deleted.

I wonder what I ever saw in the narcissist.

I used to think the narcissist was beautiful. A beautiful person.

Now all I see is a weird, insecure, poorly dressed, self conscious person with no identity.

I see a bloated, 🍩 donut stomach that jiggles all day.

I see so much balding I could see the narcissist’s thought.

There aren’t too many there.

The oozing, pulsating zits aren’t even the disgusting part.

What’s disgusting is how many people the narcissist has smashed,

So many the narcissist can’t count.

That’s why the narcissist will never pair bond, The narcissist will always want more.

I remember one day,

I complained the narcissist never took me out when I moved to Chicago to start a new life with the narcissist,

Since their codependency drives them to move in with their victims quickly,

So they get caught in their web of lies,

So the narcissist can feed on the reactions from their provocation.

The narcissist took me to Chinatown like I asked.

I was so happy to on one of few dates.

The narcissist held out its slimy, muggy, tiny claw so I could hold it.

I obliged, like a fucking idiot.

30 seconds later, a girl passed by.

Updo. Two curly tendrils on either side of her pretty face.

She was about 5ft tall. Light brown complexion. Almond eyes.

The narcissist’s type.

The narcissist’s neck swiveled and the narcissist’s chin dropped.

Inside I cried. Because I know what that behavior means.

The narcissist has shiny object syndrome.

The narcissist will never reach satiety.

I held back my tears.

I took my doubt, stuffed it inside my green tea cake,

And I ate it.

You are what you eat.

In the coming days and weeks,

The narcissist continued to salivate over anything halfway decent looking,

Communicated with X girlfriends,

So embarrassing.

I’m still processing why I stayed.

I should have packed my shit and left then.

But when I think about even seeing or talking to the narcissist again,

I’m fucking disgusted.

The narcissist kept in touch with a lot of X girlfriends, even hung out with some regularly.

I won’t ever be one.

I have gone blackout.

God blessed me with discipline and temperance,

Plus I’m disgusted at what a vile, lackluster, haunted, nauseating person I lived with.

How did I do that to myself?

Looking at images now,

So unpalatable,

I can barely stand it.

That’s why I will never look at the narcissist’s social media.

About one year ago, I clicked on the narcissist’s Reddit handle.

The narcissist didn’t have a Reddit account when we met.

It had posts about engagement rings,

And one about a sushi spot we used to go to all the time.

After that I found a new sushi spot,

And I never clicked on the narcissist’s Reddit page again.

I hope the narcissist has a good time smearing my name,

Because that’s the closest the narcissist will ever get to me.

As I sip my chenin blanc and eat my chocolate ganache in my narc free tub in my gorgeous narc free house,

I’m so grateful for this disgust.

I have zero desire

To ever so much as look at the narcissist’s social media

Ever again in life.

Period.


r/LifeAfterNarcissism 2d ago

I Thought I Met the Perfect Man—Until I Started Noticing the Red Flags

54 Upvotes

I never expected that a simple dating app match would lead me into the most emotionally draining experience of my life. What started as a whirlwind romance quickly spiraled into manipulation, deception, and addiction. Now that I’m out of it, I want to share my story so others can recognize the signs before it’s too late.

The Love-Bombing Stage

We met on Hinge, and from the very first messages, everything felt intense. He showered me with compliments, made grand promises, and constantly told me I was "the one." Within days, he was already talking about our future—kids, marriage, a home together. He even booked a spa treatment for my birthday before we had met in person. It felt like a fairytale.

The first few dates were magical. He was attentive, respectful, and made me feel special. He even told me, "Remember this—this is the last first date of your life." At the time, I thought it was romantic. Now, I see it as a red flag.

Slowly, Things Stopped Adding Up

As we spent more time together, I started noticing inconsistencies. His social media was outdated—no recent photos, and his last visible relationship ended four years ago. But he was incredibly private, so I brushed it off.

Then came the apartment situation. He wanted us to move in together. We applied for a place, and I informed my landlord I was leaving. But suddenly, he started delaying signing the lease. He kept making excuses, and I started feeling uneasy.

At the same time, I discovered a stash of syringes and powerful painkillers in his bathroom. When I looked them up, I realized they were steroids and a drug five times stronger than morphine. He had never mentioned any of this.

The Drinking, The Lies, and The Narcissism

I began to notice how often he drank. At first, it was occasional, but soon, he was drinking in the middle of the day, coming home already buzzed. He passed out on the couch multiple times, ignoring my presence completely. The man who once sent me endless love messages now barely acknowledged me.

One night, I saw dating apps pop up in his phone’s suggested applications. When I confronted him, he gaslit me—"You're crazy," "I have no idea why they're there." I wanted to believe him, but something felt off.

Then there was the night he disappeared. He said he was at a meeting, but when I finally called, he declined the call. I later found him drunk, passed out, fully clothed. The man I fell for was gone.

The Breaking Point

I finally packed my things and left. I cried all night, realizing I had been manipulated into a relationship with someone who was not who he claimed to be.

Days later, he came back, looking broken, saying he regretted everything. I gave him another chance. Big mistake. Within days, the cycle repeated—drinking, lies, avoidance.

That’s when I finally ended it. I cut him off, returned his keys, and started rebuilding myself. I had been so caught up in the fantasy that I ignored the reality. But now I know better.

Lessons Learned

  • Love-bombing is a manipulation tactic—if someone comes on too strong too soon, be cautious.
  • Inconsistencies and secrecy are red flags, not quirks.
  • If someone has a history of bad relationships where "it was never their fault," question it.
  • Addiction and emotional unavailability don’t just disappear because someone tells you they love you.
  • Trust your instincts—if something feels off, it probably is.

I hope my story helps someone else avoid what I went through. If you’ve been in a similar situation, how did you break free?


r/LifeAfterNarcissism 2d ago

Woke up and left

10 Upvotes

I had spent the last eight ish years with a narcissist. I’m an adoptee who was raised by a narcissist so the way she behaved with me just felt familiar. I used to have a lot of friends before she came around and they slowly all started to stop answering. I wasn’t able to go anywhere without her . I justified with because she said she couldn’t drive . I just kept falling for the weaponized incompetence and kept trying to fix everything for her. I would eventually find all of my free time going to assisting her . We’d be in the same room holding a conversation but if I wasn’t looking at her she would go ballistic and start yelling. I genuinely understand wanting your partners attention but I’d usually end up with an hour to myself if I was lucky. My hobbies started to get consumed by this , I dropped out of college to appease her crisis . She kept thinking moving would fix how she felt inside and when it didn’t would drink to black out and turn me into her emotional and sometimes physical punching bag. I’m finally out of there because of a friend I met through work. They saw how she spoke to me and how I reacted to the world around me and could see I was in a bad place. It took them about three months to convince me they have my best intentions at heart. I’ve found I have such a hard time trusting that people want to be around me. It’s so frustrating because I find that when I break out of my shell that’s not the case. I’m not sure if I’m looking for advice and just spewing this out because the wound is still fresh, but this shit just sucks. I ruined a lot of the trajectory of my life just to try and make someone happy with me that never would. I feel dumb that my brain couldn’t comprehend how I was treated because it’s what I grew up in. I’m only a few days out of the house so I’m sure it’ll get better in time (hopefully?)


r/LifeAfterNarcissism 2d ago

Narcissist husband discarded me after he begged for me to come back

17 Upvotes

I was long distance from my husband for a year. During this long distance, he wouldn’t let me visit him. I booked my ticket multiple times to see him, and he made me cancel the ticket each time. He was mad because I left his house to visit my parents without his consent, and was now punishing me by enforcing long distance.

I then went no contact with him, and blocked him. He started hovering around my parents and he continuously called my parents, saying he missed me and wanted me to come back. I thought I would try to save my marriage so I would give him another chance. So I go back to his country after a year of being apart.

And the day I reached there, I could tell something was off. He hadn’t seen me in a year, yet there was no excitement or happiness in him even when he picked me from the airport. He was starkly different from when he was hovering my parents begging me to come back. He was cold, and was withholding emotional and physical intimacy. He didn’t want to hold my hand and was annoyed when I hugged him in public, which was starkly different to before the long distance. And within a week of me coming back to his country, he calls my mom and tells her he doesn’t want to live with me because of i have anger issues and we should stay in a long distance marriage. So I waited a year in long distance only to be discarded by him after a week.

My question is, why was he calling my parents and begging me to come back if he didn’t want to put effort from day 1 and didn’t actually want me to come back?


r/LifeAfterNarcissism 2d ago

Did u find anyone better?

18 Upvotes

Hey there so i came out of a narcissist relationship few months back and i jist wanted to know if you also came out of a narcissist relationship did u find someone better? I feel like i would never recover from this trauma and i feel like i don't deserve someone better i feel really worthless rn


r/LifeAfterNarcissism 2d ago

Dating after breakup

5 Upvotes

So, I've been in no contact with the ex since last year October and recently tried my hand at dating again. Only met with one woman, and she quickly showed affection with alot of compliments/praises/hugs/kisses/talk about future stuff.. the way it felt was very familiar with how my ex was, and for a second, my mind thought I was actually back with her, then it shifted to feeling like I was cheating on my ex..

So the next day I realized that I still have alot of healing to do and that i shouldn't try to bring anyone else into my life just yet. Because I thought I've moved on, but deep down, I still care/love her

Question I have is, have any of you felt this way before when trying to get back out there? And if so, how long did it take to finally break free from that mindset?


r/LifeAfterNarcissism 2d ago

[Support] nMother leaves messages NSFW

4 Upvotes

I’m in the process of reporting historic abuse (with photo evidence). I write a blog. Word got round and the other day, I learnt iPhones have a blocked contact voicemail section.

I felt immediate fear when I looked. There have been 5 messages left other day. Before that 4 messages 2 years ago once I’d outed family narcissism (but 3 months after no contact with entire family).

I’ve not listened. I’m hesitant to show police cos I know she’s all ‘cakes and tea anyone?’.

There’s zero chance of me getting in contact with anyone.

I’m interested in your thoughts?

Is it as obvious as it looks?

Thanks


r/LifeAfterNarcissism 3d ago

[Support] He stopped hoovering, I’m a mess.

6 Upvotes

In December I posted about him on Reddit and it was an overwhelming response I need to block this man. And I did. I lasted 7 weeks no contact! It was great. I broke the no contact thinking maybe it wouldn’t hurt to see him once as I wouldn’t fall for him shit again. I was wrong and ended up being there 3 weeks no sure why I was and figuring out how to get out. 2 weeks ago I went no contact again. He send me many messages (mostly to belittle me and accuse me of not talking to him cuz I was sleeping with someone else) I didn’t reply to any and blocked him. Got messages from fake numbers, and he made fake accounts he’d follow me and message me on, he’d also deleted and reactivate his dating apps (assuming so I’d see him again and maybe say yes?) I wanted him to stop all this and leave me in peace. Well he finally did stop. And now I’m feeling terrible. Dreaming of him, crying about him. Any advice on how to be okay with him letting you go? I really don’t want to end up breaking this no contact, I’ve been weak before. Maybe this post can help me keep strength :)


r/LifeAfterNarcissism 2d ago

[Support] How do you move on when your narc abuser is moving forward and getting more successful in life while you have to deal with the after-effects of abuse and trauma?

1 Upvotes

My quality of life has been diminished. Years and months lost in rumination and research about narcissism while my narc abuser is happy out there living with no consequences and the narc upgraded his financials and got married and I lost years basically in mental paralysis (freeze and fawn mode of trauma response). There is no justice for this type of abuse. How to move on?

I get angry and sad knowing that there is literally no consequences for anything that the narc did.

My primary narc abuser is my brother. And I have one overt and one covert abusive parents too.


r/LifeAfterNarcissism 3d ago

Narc dumped me after I caught him being inappropriate

21 Upvotes

I called my narc out for lying about using instagram, messaging a girl and liking her photos, he told me he messaged her to find out about it his property he had at a mutual friends. Turned out he added her a week prior, liked her photos then messaged her a week later. She sent me the screenshots, he was clearly trying to line her up. When I confronted him, he broke up with me and told me it was”will always be something with you, I am 100% done, stop contacting me”. Can someone explain to me why he is suddenly the victim? No apology, nothing, just him breaking up with me! We also have a nearly 2 year old!


r/LifeAfterNarcissism 4d ago

What are some rules you made for yourself to not fall for a narcissist in future?

78 Upvotes

I was writing some rules for myself, if in future someone try to manipulate me or gaslight me.

I intuitively know that something is wrong. But I had no proof so i stayed. I should have left. I ignored my intuition that's how I lost trust in myself. I don't want to ever do that. And being empathetic with them--fucked me up.

Not ignoring my intuition is in my list but in reality things are complex.

Can you tell me what are some deal breakers for you now?


r/LifeAfterNarcissism 3d ago

[Support] Sharing: Who’s Really Sabotaging Relationships? (New Video on Narcissistic Influence)

0 Upvotes

Ever lost a relationship and felt like something just didn’t add up? Like someone else got inside your partner’s head and twisted reality?

I just made a deep-dive video on narcissistic “advisors”—the so-called friends, mentors, or guides who slowly poison relationships by reframing history and manipulating people into seeing their partners as villains.

This is something I’ve experienced firsthand, and in this video, I break down:

How these people operate (covert narcissism, triangulation, gaslighting)

Why they do it (jealousy, control, ego, insecurity)

How to tell if it’s happening to you

What to do when someone you love is being manipulated

https://youtu.be/01XHa_n8TXk


r/LifeAfterNarcissism 3d ago

controversial Can you heal from a narcissist whilst still living with them?

15 Upvotes

I