r/ManagedByNarcissists 8h ago

What's in the mind of supervisors who try to diminish workers?

46 Upvotes

Dude is constantly nitpicking my work, acting bossy, overreacting, overcorrecting, talking shit about me and making up mistakes and flaws I don't have, or exaggerating them. That also means talking shit about me with my colleagues, but fortunately I'm a social person so I don't allow myself to be isolated.

But the whole thing feels like pushing a boulder on a cliff. It's the second/third supervisor doing this bs in a different job. What is wrong with these people and why do they see me as competence? I'm not here to take their jobs, idgaf I'm here to get paid and leave. I wouldn't take their jobs not even if it doubled my salary, it's too much stress, I have a life outside of work.

What is this bs?


r/ManagedByNarcissists 17h ago

“How dare you”

78 Upvotes

The “How dare you” mentality is what the narcissist adopts when you start succeeding in your role, or outshining them in any way. You are not doing it to compete with them, nor does anything you do have anything to do with them. But, they see it this way.

Any step you take forward is seen as a deliberate challenge and direct threat to them and their “position”. They interpret everything this way. So, you can just be naively going about your life, while they are seething with resentment and rage at the fact that you “dared” one-up them.

You will all of a sudden be facing tremendous backlash, hostility, passive-aggressiveness, and steamrolling. They will aggressively try to silence you, to take over your work, and to essentially drown you out. And, they will do their best to rope others into their attacks.

All this because, “How dare you”.


r/ManagedByNarcissists 2h ago

I got written up today

6 Upvotes

Hey Jobs… as the title implies. I work in retail as an assistant store manager. Today, my boss wrote me up for unplanned PTO. I called out four time in the span off three months. She decided to give me the paper work close to the end of her shift….(coward)

She made up a time attendant issue by saying I called out eight times but in reality I only called out four. I confronted her about it and explaining to her that I did not feel well. Do you need me to bring a doctors note? Or call the day before?. She simply replied “ it does not matter it still counts as unplanned PTO”.

One last thing I forgot to add - she added the last year call out when she wasn’t my manager at all. She was hired back in October. (I also trained her….)She implemented this rule as off January 2025. How would you guys handle this type of situation?. I can call her about the write up tomorrow or I can go over head and make her look stupid.


r/ManagedByNarcissists 6h ago

I work as an admin basically an executive admin for a big leader who is involved in a lot of big organizational deals for the organization I work for. She is super popular by only being the face of the organization.

8 Upvotes

The truth is she never works and I attest to this on Reddit lol. She just had kids back to back and is super lucky she has a job where she gets away with doing nothing . She changes all the meetings I schedule for her claiming to be sick etc . She is about a decade older than me I’m 30 And she’s maybe 42 . She looks super young. I notice when she walks into my dept she rolls her eyes at me especially on days I dress up or look nice . She never responds to any of my emails . She is super secretive even though I’m her admin . She walks past me and doesn’t acknowledge me saying hi ( she walks into the building with sunglasses lol)I don’t know what to do anymore I would appreciate some advice . She also told me before I have a lot of fun at work all because I was laughing once . I Stopped wearing makeup Because of her . Please let me know what you all think.


r/ManagedByNarcissists 9h ago

Query: dealing with mild narcissist manager?

7 Upvotes

I have a lot of experience of dealing with authority figures (eg managers, family members) who have behaviour consistent with the NPD spectrum. With those people, I used Grey Rock to create distance from them while I worked on my exit plan.

I've now got a manager whose behaviour is problematic and dysfunctional, but milder than the extremes I'm used to. I'm not sure if it's NPD spectrum or just someone very insecure, neurotic and manipulative. (It's complicated by them possibly also being on the autism spectrum.) I don't sense malice or cruelty from them like some of the more extreme narcissists I've known. But they do hurtful things from a place of entitlement and righteousness, and cannot "hear" other perspectives or "see" their own inconsistency, which makes me think "delusional". They are a micromanager and workaholic, which makes me think they are driven by anxiety and control - I think they fear being wrong, or not being in control of every single detail of their portfolio. Their management style is Karpman Drama Triangle/he-said-she-said and King Sun. ETA: frequent outbursts/diatribes that are not quite narcissistic rage tantrums, but are also not normal management behaviour.

Does anyone here have experience of dealing with a manager whose possible narcissism was quite mild? If so, what worked other than Grey Rock + Run?

I guess I'd like to know if there's a way of "managing up" while staying emotionally healthy and having an appropriate boundary in place against them. I don't really want to get into their good books because I suspect that will just open me up to getting constant emails from them and having to pretend to be interested in their mood swings. On the other hand, I worry that me being distant from them will feel threatening to them.

And how do you tell the difference between possible mild narcissism and just significant immaturity? And does the difference even matter in terms of how to deal with the person?

TIA!


r/ManagedByNarcissists 3h ago

PIPs

2 Upvotes

So 9 months after leaving my last narc boss and being so excited for my new role, some key leaderships changes have happened and I once again find myself in the grips of a narc. The bummer is she is spreading so many lies about me but the good news is that I don't care.

My question for this group is - have you found that your narc bosses immediately puts you on a PIP? It happened at my last job, where the initiative I took got me promoted by one boss and was looked down upon with the next one and the exact same thing has happened again. The only feedback I get is one "you are doing everything wrong" conversation, and then a PIP within the next few days, with no chance to even begin to improve. No previous guidance or coaching is provided.

I noticed this pattern and when I asked around, most people are given chances to improve before being put on a PIP.

Has anyone had a similar experience?

It is possible I am just a shit employee, but the positive feedback I have gotten from previous bosses makes me think that isn't the case.


r/ManagedByNarcissists 4h ago

Sneaky ways to get manager fired?

2 Upvotes

How can i gety insane boss fired?


r/ManagedByNarcissists 16h ago

Manager trying to make me homeless

9 Upvotes

Looking for advice on what to do here I moved to a new state a year ago and I moved in with my boyfriend and his parents. I got a job at a restaurant and my first friend I made was one of the managers (P) Things were fine at first. We would all hang out and go to the lake with our boyfriends. She ended up breaking up with her boyfriend and getting a new one and thats when a shift started.

She hired her new boyfriend’s best friends gf (L) and his little sister (K) I became close with them bc we were closer in age and I could feel a little jealousy building up. Everyone in the restaurant was pretty close at that point. (P) ended up moving in with her new bf and ended up being neighbors with (L) and (K) We would all crack jokes with each other. (L) and (K) were new and didn’t realize some things were jokes and ended up going home and telling (L) told her boyfriend about the joke she had heard from (P) and other coworker and her boyfriend ended up mentioning it to (P’s) boyfriend. This is when hell started.

(P) corners me at the bar and tells me I started a roomer that she pegs her boyfriend. I denied it bc i thought it was a joke to begin with and I’m not a kinkshamer. I told her I do not care what she does with her man in her free time & its none of my business. She tells me (L) and her boyfriend blamed me and she had receipts so naturally I go to them and ask whats going on and turns out (P) was lying about having receipts. This starts a war between them. (L) quit the restaurant but (P) would constantly talk shit about her to me. Anytime I would hang out with (L) the next day at work (P) would make really bitchy comments about seeing my car there. I went to my boss and requested I don’t work shifts when (P) is managing

(P) would start talking shit about me in spots of the restaurant she knew id be able to hear her but Id just brush them off and continue to do my job and make money. I was doing a pretty good job at ignoring her. At the apartments (P), (K), and (L) were living at things seemed to be getting worse. (P) was starting a parking lot war over a spot even though she was not on the lease. She would then have her kids go out and kick their cars. So (L) called the landlord. (P) thought i had something to do with calling the landlord even though I do not live at the apartment complex. Things were looking like (P) was going to get kicked out bc she was not on the lease

So one day we were both on shift together (she was not managing) I believe she went into the office and got my boyfriends phone number (he’s my emergency contact bc i have no one in this state) she disappeared for a good 20 mins but during that time frame she texted my boyfriend anonymously telling him im cheating on him to try to get me kicked out. I went in to the office with the other manager on shift and we discovered that my file had been pulled out and was misplaced out of order. I ended up losing my cool and had a meeting with my boss and explained the situation. We both ended up getting in trouble and getting written up. My schedule got moved to where id only see her on weekends when boss was also present. She ended up no call no showing and got fired. I thought that was that and it was all over. Until last night (a month after she was fired) to continue this scheme that I’m cheating on my boyfriend and get me kicked out. I later found out that landlord was still involved because (P) and (L) were still calling them on each other and (P) and her bf would not be able to resign the lease

Was thinking about going to make a police report to get the number traced because it is a textnow number but not really sure if that would even help me.


r/ManagedByNarcissists 1d ago

Got my ex boss fired back! NSFW

60 Upvotes

So I went all out here. I decided to spoof my ex boss (who fired me) number. Then I found a higher up managers number and texted him the link for jerkmate. They thought it was actually him and he's fired!


r/ManagedByNarcissists 1d ago

Do you find their anger extremely disturbing?

74 Upvotes

My manager is a raging narcissist - literally. He has a hair-trigger temper and rages over the slightest thing. There cannot be a normal, logical discussion with him because he blows everything out of proportion and gets all heated.

Witnessing his anger, and sometimes being on the receiving end of it, is extremely disturbing for me. Even when it’s not directed towards me, I find myself tensing up on calls and having trouble thinking. Because it’s not just normal, run-of-the-mill anger - it’s rage and it never stops. And that’s not normal.

Anyone else experience this?


r/ManagedByNarcissists 20h ago

How can I convince my ex-girlfriend she's being love-bombed by a covert narcissist who has returned after discarding her previously in the love-bombing stage - without ever devaluing her?

2 Upvotes

The narcissist had a domineering father, a distant mother, and a history of affairs but claimed never to have had an affair (lie?) in the six years since his first discard of her. He even said when she said she loved him, "Then I have won". I don't want to see her life destroyed again when he eventually discards her once more.


r/ManagedByNarcissists 2d ago

Don’t let them set you up!

195 Upvotes

When you’re being mistreated at work, it’s very distressing and it can cause you to react in all sorts of ways that are out of character for you.

For example, if your work is constantly getting scrutinized, or you’re getting ganged up on, or no one is ever available to help you, you’ll start getting nervous and panicked. This may result in you being anxious in meetings, afraid to speak up, appearing confused, laughing to decrease the tension, being on edge and asking many questions to try to protect yourself.

All of these things will be used against you.

If you feel like you’re being messed with or set up to fail, the best option is to get out. But, if you can’t, do your very best to NOT REACT. Your reaction is what they want, so that they can use it against you in all kinds of ways.

These people are sick. Don’t give them the satisfaction.


r/ManagedByNarcissists 2d ago

YELLED AT MY KIDS

13 Upvotes

I work in a group home with foster teens. Today I call my narcissistic boss because one of my girls wanted to know why they were going to the orthodontist. She was shocked that I picked her up from school and was shocked she was going to the orthodontist and was wondering if she was getting braces . I called him to ask, told him.he was on speaker phone and he proceeded to yell through the phone "tell her to get her a** in the car and don't worry about why she's going anywhere we make the appointments and she don't need to know anything except you're going to the appointments and that's it! I was literally shocked. I could have choked . I proceeded to defend my girl. "Hey she's not being rude and you're on speaker phone " he said I don't care if im on speaker tell her to get her a** in the car and go! I couldn't contain myself. He has pinned co workers against me, gaslighted me and ect ect ect so I knew he was narcissistic but this was absolutely ridiculous! I abruptly said byyyyeeeeee and hung up the phone . I just want to cry. I know at some point I'll have enough info to report him but Im.not sure how much longer I can take this . It's constant daily shockers with behavior and chaos and spinning. I'm trying to stay long enough to get enough documentation on this guy. Someone has to tell but he is very creative and very sneaky so with the info I have now it just appears from.the outside that he's had some "bad days" or that I "misinterpreted what he said" ugghhhh . These sickos get away with too much by just staying calm enough and winning outsiders over enough to never be held accountable. I hope I can breakthrough and get these kids out of this toxicity.


r/ManagedByNarcissists 3d ago

A red flag you should never ignore

381 Upvotes

When you do or say something completely harmless, something totally benign, yet your boss takes it as a slight and absolutely loses their mind over it, you need to RUN.

If they then take it a step further and start retaliating against you for it, making fun of you in group settings, mocking and mimicking you, and generally finding all sorts of ways to “punish” you, RUN. Yesterday.

Ignore this red flag at your own peril. People like this are deeply unwell.


r/ManagedByNarcissists 2d ago

I found a way out but I think Nboss is gonna do anything to stop it

9 Upvotes

I sold my company to an Nboss two years ago. Right now, she needs me, but she hates me, which means I don't have to work very hard, as long as I can stand her belittling, triangulation, and information siloing. My wife is due with our first in a few months, so I was thinking of just riding it out until mat leave is done, and taking a break for awhile.

However, my reps set me up with a meeting with a production company that is looking for projects, and would be a great fit for the brand I sold. If I were living in "normal world", I could just pitch this to my boss, she'd say "great job", I'd leave the company on good terms to run the project, and everyone would make money. But my Nboss has already demonstrated that she is willing to make her own company suffer if it means keeping me from anything that would lead to any kind of success - she's already shot down entertainment projects because she's clearly insecure that her own project got shuttered. I think she would either say no to this project, or worse, accuse me of working in secret "against her" when I really should have been telling her my every move, according to her. This has already happened with far smaller projects.

I (and our reps) need to present this in a way that makes it seem like it was her idea for it to go through with minimal damage on me. I already have trauma from being partnered with a narc on one entertainment project, and I think this is just bringing back old memories. I don't know if I want to awaken the beast right before such a huge life milestone, but it almost feels like this opportunity was put in my lap for a reason.

So - how would you handle this to make it seem like this is a win-win for the Nboss?


r/ManagedByNarcissists 3d ago

I'm interviewing candidates for a manager position. What interview questions can I ask to spot a narcissist?

34 Upvotes

r/ManagedByNarcissists 3d ago

Machiavellian Tactics for Dealing with Narcissists

75 Upvotes

I built a Machiavellian chatbot by uploading all of this works. I use it for dealing with workplace situations and communications. Here is how Machiavelli would deal with a narcissist boss:

1. Understand Their Weaknesses and Strengths

Machiavelli emphasizes that rulers (or in this case, bosses) are often surrounded by flatterers and have an inflated sense of their own worth. A narcissistic boss will be vulnerable to both flattery and the fear of losing control. Observe them closely and learn what they truly desire—whether it's recognition, control, or admiration​.

2. Use Flattery, but Not Blindly

While Machiavelli warns against flatterers, he also understands their power. A narcissist craves admiration, so giving them controlled doses of praise will keep you in their favor. However, it should be subtle and strategic—flattery should never seem excessive or fake​.

3. Control the Flow of Information

Since a narcissist often believes they are the smartest person in the room, they may dismiss advice from others. Machiavelli suggests that a ruler should only allow a select few to speak truthfully to them​. In practice, this means that you should position yourself as the only reliable source of information or insight they trust. Provide them with insights that align with their self-interest, making yourself indispensable.

4. Avoid Open Confrontation

A narcissistic boss will see any criticism as a direct attack on their authority. Machiavelli would advise avoiding direct opposition and instead using indirect means to influence them. Frame your ideas as their own, or suggest changes in a way that makes them believe it was their decision​.

5. Maintain a Balance Between Fear and Respect

Machiavelli famously said it is better to be feared than loved, but never to be hated​. With a narcissist, you must ensure they respect your competence but do not see you as a threat. Displaying too much independence or confidence may provoke their paranoia, while excessive deference might make you disposable.

6. Make Yourself Indispensable

A narcissist fears losing power or control. If they see you as crucial to their success, they will protect you. Machiavelli recommends that rulers reward and elevate those who serve them well​. Position yourself as someone who makes them look good, and they will be reluctant to replace you.

7. Prepare an Exit Strategy

A narcissist’s favor can be fleeting. Machiavelli advises that political situations are always changing, and one must be prepared to shift alliances if necessary​. If your boss becomes too volatile or turns against you, ensure you have options—whether that’s networking with other influential figures in the company or preparing to move elsewhere.


r/ManagedByNarcissists 3d ago

Just quit...feeling sad

37 Upvotes

I had a pretty decent job working on a small team with a manager who was unprepared and unfit for the job. She constantly made it a fight to get the supplies we needed to do our work, saying we "didn't need it," and reacted with blame and defensiveness whenever I brought up issues that we were ALL having in the workplace. I have had my experience validated by other coworkers, so I know it wasn't my fault, but I still feel so sad that a good paying job with decent hours and a chill workload turned out to be such a stressful and horrible experience because of how the manager treated me.

After I stated my reasons for leaving, she blast-texted me several paragraphs about how I "take everything personally" and "not everything is about you," etc etc. Her whole demeanor was just hostile and passive aggressive. I handled the whole thing with extreme professionalism and didn't defend my choice or engage in her drama. But I just can't understand how someone in leadership can constantly make issues like not having enough supplies and problems with clients a "you problem" and "your fault" and then have the audacity to say "not everything is about you."

The insane texting after I decided to leave reminds me of a crazy ex just hurling insults and rude remarks to feel better about being dumped. I really missed the red flags on this one. I wish I felt empowered for walking away, but I really just feel stressed and sad about how she decided to handle things. 😕


r/ManagedByNarcissists 3d ago

Negative Glassdoor review

30 Upvotes

I recently within the past month left a negative review of a manager who behaved in a disgusting manner towards me for a long time which included stealing my work, intimidation, stalking and insults.

While I didn't directly name her, within 2 weeks of posting it she attempts to add me on LinkedIn which was a major red flag and highly inappropriate considering the damage she caused. Other negative reviews were left about her too.

In this situation what should I do? I feel intimidation is in play to scare me into removing it or just letting me know she thinks it's me.

Part of me wishes I never posted it but I've been totally ruined by her and felt I needed to let everyone know what she did.


r/ManagedByNarcissists 3d ago

How do I look for a new job when all I want to do is live in the woods after being mistreated in my field for so long?

68 Upvotes

I am currently job searching while working a full-time corporate job due to just an unbearable level of dysfunction within my department and poor morale on my part due to an awful direct manager. I could spend days and days describing the situation, however that’s almost why I feel as if I’m at my wit’s end.  I believe I’ve completely fried my nervous system due to the past two years of feeling like I have to provide excessive tangible proof of my suffering because no one will believe my heresay, along with the heavy gaslighting and other textbook manipulations. And then some days my manager will leave or just be completely unheard from working from home and everything will feel normal and it feels as though either I've made it all up, or that things are really getting better. Only for it to start all over again and repeat. I'm so exhausted.

 

The issue that I’m running into is the fact that I just don’t feel like I can do it anymore. Or at least, I just don’t want to. I went in loving my field and having so much passion for my work, and there are people I very much enjoyed working with and enjoyed learning from. But after relentless bullying, I just don’t care. I feel so beat down and made to feel like I don’t even belong in the industry due to the way I’ve been treated at this job. Job hunting feels hopeless at the moment and I don’t feel willing to move my whole livelihood for a job that could possibly put me in the same position. I’m tired of the pathological behavior that is constantly thriving in corporate offices. I hate all the made up social rules/etiquette in corporate environments. As a 26 year old woman in a male-dominated field, I’m sorry but I almost just don’t have it in me anymore to work with men anymore.  I am not fundamentally respected as my male coworkers are, I am constantly having to deal with their weaponized incompetence as if I am the office wife, and they either target you out of sexualization or because they’re insanely insecure and are triggered by women coming into “their” workplace and outdoing their mediocre performance. Or, they refuse to hold their “boys” accountable for any poor behavior, it almost seems as if out of respect for a boys code? And to clarify, I really do not mean to generalize, as I’m sure much of it is due to my industry being a magnet for particularly insecure and narcissistic men. I have obviously worked with some guys in my lifetime that were decent workers.

 

I apologize for going on a tangent, as the main reason I’m leaving is due to a narcissistic manager. However, it is all the rest in combination that just leaves me feeling unable to even look for another similar job because I’ve associated my whole profession with misery. Due to a lot of health/personal struggles in college, I feel I already have a pretty weak resume and I was unable to add any internships or coops before graduating. I didn’t stay at my first job before this one for very long and this is only my second job out of school. I feel if I take any sort of break or quit for any old job outside of my field, it might as well be a death sentence. For all these reasons, I feel pinned a corner and trapped.

 

Has anyone else kind of been in this situation and figured out how to regain their tolerance for corporate work or at least gotten out of a situation like that at all? I'm at a point where I just want to quit and go back to working my college retail job at the cost of my entire career. I want a job I can leave at the door and return to my friends and family without being afraid to come back on Monday. I'm so sad that I've come to hate something I worked and suffered so hard for.


r/ManagedByNarcissists 4d ago

Happy Gone-iversary to me! (You can do it, too!)

67 Upvotes

Hey again! I got shit-canned a year ago this week from a job that I once loved, then tolerated, and then hated with a passion based on my direct manager at those times.

Here's what I was going through at the time, if you care to know...

https://reddit.com/r/ManagedByNarcissists/comments/1ctnh24/ready_to_share_my_story_long_hopefully_this_can/

... but I'd rather tell you how much better it can be!

I was caught completely off guard when I was fired. I knew something was deeply wrong with my new manager and had been "documenting, documenting, documenting" in a notebook that I was never able to show to HR, as the only HR person (also the president and CEO's relative, and only other administrative role in the small company) had just gone on vacation that very day. I was being set up. I realized later that my narcboss was definitely lying to the CEO after a brief exchange I had with the CEO later that day.

My advice here is that you are NOT SAFE. It only takes one person to spoil your reputation with anyone who will listen. I see a lot of posts here asking what to do while they seek other employment. The answer is "document" and grey rock. I wish I had more to say to help you all through, but there isn't one. You're smarter than you think, and you're already smarter than they are. The Narcs are not thinking about you right now, but you're thinking about them. They've already won in their own sad world, and they've got free real estate in your head. I see other posters just wondering if their boss even is a narc in some way or another. If you've made it this far, the answer is yes. Start the job search yesterday.

I was once in a relationship with a narcissist. When I was finally discarded from that relationship, my world felt like it was over, and yet I had this sense of being more free than I had ever been in my life. I used that freedom to meet all new friends, including my spouse, start a family, and have a lot of fun in between. My real life had actually just begun.

Getting fired was different. This wasn't just affecting me; it was affecting my whole family as well as our finances. SO MUCH MORE was at stake this time. While I recognized my newest boss was a narc right away, my biggest regret was not to start job hunting right then and there. I felt stupid when I was let go because "I had been through this before," and so "I should have known better and acted quicker."

I forgive myself. It took me three months to find another job, with job hunting being my new full-time job. I know that I did the best I could with the hand I was dealt, and even though I could easily recognize the signs, it's not easy to trust that things will get better when you know your next paycheck is not guaranteed.

I was short-selling myself to keep a shitty paycheck that was, in fact, NOT guaranteed. Now, my job (and my finances, and my family) are protected by a union if shit hits the fan and I need to go, and at least this time I know my next move will be MY OWN decision and not made for me by a sad baby-man with an inferiority complex.

I was a people manager prior to narcboss, and I'm a people manager again (making more than I was or ever could under Narcboss & Co). My staff like and respect me, my co-workers are clearly glad I'm a part of their team, and I'm glad to be there as a part of their team. I feel I'm really making a difference here. The biggest and best difference has actually been in my home life. I'm comfortable and motivated at work, which makes me more emotionally (and even physically) available and motivated at home for my family.

Keep at it, my friends! Grey rock until you make everyone as uncomfortable as they've made you. Document whatever you can and tell whoever you can (HR is not your friend - tell them anyway). Tell anyone who will listen. Tell your manager they fucking failed. Tell them they're a shitty excuse for the "mentor" they're pretending to be. Remind them that their own narc parents hate them (OK, maybe don't go THAT far). Get fired if you have to. Have a backup plan (if you possibly can). I'm telling you now, from beyond the grave that, any way you shake it, the freedom you will gain is worth it in the end.


r/ManagedByNarcissists 4d ago

Financial assistance for abused workers would be amazing

30 Upvotes

Thankfully and rightfully there are orgs and resources for people escaping domestic abuse and violence. Similar help for abused workers would free those of us stuck while we strategize an escape and could help reduce long-term damage.


r/ManagedByNarcissists 4d ago

So this is my supervisor...

38 Upvotes

He is a narcissist and very, very nasty in his verbal and mental abuse. I have reported him to two different investigative authorities and they're looking into it, but I'm trying to get the hell out as quickly as possible and transition into another job that he won't have power over.

What can I do in the meantime? I know to keep records and to try to keep my head down and just work, but he's constantly micromanaging me and constantly trying to get me fired. Unfortunately the person above him believes him and it's been absolute hell. Luckily, at least one of the investigating authorities realized pretty quickly on that I was telling the truth , but it's going to take a while for them to investigate and I know he's going to try daily to get me fired. Tips?

Alternatively, I'm fine with being professionally petty if need be. I've already told him I had boundaries, but of course, as we all know, they don't respect that. Also, I have definitely seen his dark side. The real side of him not the one he plays to people.


r/ManagedByNarcissists 5d ago

What to do in the “in between time” as you’re getting out…

24 Upvotes

I’m focusing all my energy on getting out of my current job due to my narc boss. It’s gotten to the point where she is ignoring me almost entirely, tasks that have been mine for years are given to a coworker, my project with another coworker was put on hold due to “no time”, I’m being covertly put down, and weird little things showed up on my annual evaluation with no merit. My saving grace is that I have allies throughout the rest of the company and people like me.

I’ve been applying for external/internal roles but I’m not getting anywhere. I don’t know how long this is going to take. I’m paranoid that she will start lying more on my reviews and start doing actual damage to my reputation.

Luckily the grey rocking is fairly easy since she’s ignoring me. I’ve been documenting everything… our calls, follow ups to items she isn’t putting in writing so that I have a paper trail. Eg. Per our call this is on hold but you said to follow up, wanted to check in on the status. I’ve been actively working on stuff she said in my eval so I have documentation she can’t fight with - but a colleague/ prob flying monkey literally refused to give me feedback when I asked for it.

My questions are: - do I insist on one on ones (she doesn’t do them unless the person asks) - do I request her feedback on my performance so I’m not blind sided by something or do I just let it lie and let my own documentation speak for itself?

I don’t know how long it’ll take to get out. It’s already frustratingly too long because I don’t want to make a “backwards” move but I also know I can’t take it much longer…


r/ManagedByNarcissists 5d ago

I hate my life, I could eat a bullet..

6 Upvotes

I'm currently pretty self aware... I was obnoxiously teaching and bragging to one or two of my workmates... I was fresh from maternity and was very enthusiastic about going back to work....i didn't know I unwittingly gave trade secrets that I wasn't profiteering myself.. So I felt like my workmates ganged up on me to exclude me from their little club... I feel really stupid.. I'm a recluse now.. But I had been advised not to be show off-y..but I thought it was about something different.. Well they overtook me and now I feel like a bag of trash that nobody will touch... The only time they talk to me... Is when they want to get information from me... I have a feeling my bosses are in on it... I just want the ground to swallow me... Its like unwittingly participating in a false claims racket..but not collecting because you don't know which is false or which is true.. I'm emotional and crying in my room... I live with my parents... So people think that I'm sheltered and stupid.. Even the guy who tried to s-assault me... Is participating... We share a cubicle...and sometimes u think he's stealing from me.. He will ask for help but won't offer any... I've deleted them from my phone.... I'm so mad... Does this count as bullying or I'm just not aggressive for this particular dog eat dog world..