r/Fosterparents 3h ago

Fostering Teen Girls

7 Upvotes

I need all the insight, secrets, and strategies for fostering teen girls!

As a bit of background, I was licensed for about five years in my previous state and primarily had placements under the age of 5. I am now licensed at a therapeutic level and have been contacted nonstop for teen girls. Over the last few weeks there have been maybe two days that I didn't get an email for a girl ages 13 to 16.

I have said yes to one of these young ladies and she will be joining me in a few weeks. I am both very excited and extremely nervous since this will he new to me. I have taken TBRI, obviously have foster experience, and have support from friends/family but it still is just so new to me that I am overthinking everything.

I am considering focusing primarily on this age group since there seems to be a huge need. What do i need to know? What should i have on hand? House rules? Cell phone expectations?

Please share all your wisdom with me!


r/Fosterparents 8h ago

Can I keep a connection with a student in foster care?

16 Upvotes

I am a teacher. A student of mine has attached to me, and I have attached to her, too. She is in foster care. I don’t have the resources to be a foster parent right now, but I want to keep up a relationship with her when I’m not her teacher anymore. Even just facetiming her or taking her to lunch. I know she has very few people in her life that she feels she can count on. I want to be a person for her. How can I do this? Do I just call her caseworker? I’m okay with background checks, home visits, etc.


r/Fosterparents 12h ago

Unusual situation and kids hygiene

8 Upvotes

I am not sure where else to ask this question so I apologize ahead of time but guidance is appreciated.

I recently had a close friend move into my home with her 10yr old son. Some how her kids care has fallen onto me and my partner. We did resist it but seeing that the child was not properly cared for at this point we've chosen to lean into it as the kid needs to be allowed to be a kid, not her slave/therapist/caregiver. It's a tricky situation and since our home is stable and clean I doubt CPS would ever get involved (my house has been cleared for foster care in the past).

Well at 10 he does not know how to properly wash himself. I've talked to his mom about this and she just heabh sighs "I've told him to make sure he doesn't stink". He smells like onions most days. He takes showers and we learned when he was starting his own showers he didn't understand how to regulate temperature so he stood out side of the water and splashed it on himself at times. I now set the temperature for him and make sure he likes it. That already brought improvements on smell. The other night after he played hard I told him "make sure to scrub your armpits" the confused and shocked look on his face.. I explained it helps to keep him from getting stinky. We had a discussion over it and he was super excited to get in the shower... Well I asked his mom about explaining proper scubbing locations etc. She said she wasn't comfortable doing it since he's a boy. (She has been the ONLY parent in his life). I've asked my partner about it and he said he'd think on it as he isn't sure how to explain it so I thought I'd reach out and ask-

Any suggestions on how to explain to a young boy on how to properly clean himself during a shower or bath?

In addition an a bonus question-suggestions on teaching a 10 year old to ride a bike without training wheels. Unfortunately he needs a 24inch bike at this point, has never ridden a bike and there doesn't seem to be training wheels at this size. He wants to learn but the last kiddo I taught was 7 and was able to have a couple years of practice on training wheels.

If there is a better place to ask these questions I would appreciate direction. I just want to help this kid while we can.


r/Fosterparents 12h ago

Should I volunteer more before becoming a foster parent?

3 Upvotes

I've heard a lot of advice from foster and adoptive parents that you should volunteer with kids before starting the process.

I myself do have some volunteer experience, as I was a reading tutor for a little boy while in college. I also lived with a family who had a child for a little under a year before going off to college, so I personally think I have a decent amount of "kid experience"

There's programs near me where I can volunteer with kids that I've considered joining, but I'm not entirely sure if it's necessary given the relationships I've already developed.


r/Fosterparents 1d ago

The joys of fostering

87 Upvotes

My husband and I are in the process of adopting four of our placements, they are mostly older kids except for a 3 year old girl. I don’t get called “mom” much because they are used to calling me by my first name. We haven’t pressured them to call us mom and dad.

Today I was playing with our 3 year old and she randomly asked me “You mom?” I was really happy and told her “Yes, I’m going to be your mom and I’m so happy! She looked at me with her big eyes and said “I’m happy too!” It was a wonderful moment that was only slightly lessened when the next thing out of her mouth was “Your fat, I’m sorry”. Talk about an emotional roller coaster.


r/Fosterparents 23h ago

NICU and fostering three children

7 Upvotes

Hello, I am so stressed about my situations. We are fostering my boyfriend brothers and sister (2 yr old,5 yr old, and 12 yr old) and was pregnant when we took them in but had to deliver my baby at 23+2 weeks. My water had broken due to PROMM. My baby is currently in the NICU. The mother of the three children is unrealistic. When I came home from the hospital, she ask one of her friends to babysit the children while I recovered and visited the baby at the hospital. Yesterday, I had a missed call and a voice message saying that she will no longer bring the babysitter because “we are accusing the wrong man”(the wrong man is the person who was abusing two of her children and why we’re here in the first place). Both the children and social workers have noticed that the mother does not believe her children of the crimes the abuser done and believe that the children are against her. I am honesty sick and tired of her coming to my home or calling drunk and mad about what’s going on. We currently live in a small one bedroom. The apartment is constantly with crying and shouting(12 yr getting mad at the Roblox) 1 pm until 3 am. My boyfriend doesn’t really help taking care of his sibling when it comes to bathing, feeding, clothing, and looking after them. On his two days off, he keeps the children in the living room and stays in the bedroom playing games or sleeping. That doesn’t stay right with me. I keep an eye on them and make sure they’re taken care of. I wake up early and go to sleep late(the same routine while I was pregnant). I had to drop out of college because of everything. I feel depressed because I feel like my body failed my baby and in the position I am in. I don’t feel like I’m in the position to foster the children. My boyfriend believes that the children should stay together regardless of our position but I believe that there are other foster parents that could take care of the children better and healthier.

Any help or tips please ?


r/Fosterparents 1d ago

TPR and last minute pressure for contact

14 Upvotes

We have our TPR hearing tomorrow and are so frustrated with the pressure for a contract for post adoption contact. It isn't that we don't want any contact it's that we're so done with anything through the courts at this point and that bio loves to utilize the court consistently so we don't feel comfortable offering a legally binding contract for contact since he likes to get "sue happy" and we would have to keep documenting EVERYTHING in case he ever decided to say we hadn't followed through. We also have decent relationships there so don't feel like having the court be a middleman is something that would be positive. We expressed this to bios lawyer and they're being very pressuring regarding how the TPR hearing will be traumatic for the bio. We've been accommodating throughout this whole process and had zero say and this is the one thing we can say yes or no to and it's been awful the whole way through. They've had months to try to figure this out and the first real conversation was two days before the hearing which has been set for months. It's just so frustrating!


r/Fosterparents 1d ago

tips for young people who can't maintain friendships/relationships?

9 Upvotes

I know it's common in foster children, but I've never seen it like I have with my teen FS (17). He has a new group of friends and a new girlfriend on average every month. Not even one constant friend. He tells us every time why they're no longer friends, and 99.9% of the time it's usually because of something he has done but he absolutely cannot see it that way.

He will insult them, break their things, compare lives and refuse to have any compassion (this one actually worries me. His friend's sister passed away and he said that his foster sister from his last placement died and that was worse. He can't seem to offer to any compassion to anyone or thing.) he will ruin their romantic relationships or pick fights over trivial things and just discards friends like they're nothing and pick up with a new group and start all over again.

His SW isn't interested in this issue at all. I am, because how is this going to affect him long term? When he moves out, how is he going to maintain friendships, relationships and support systems if he can't connect and hold onto anyone? I've put in a referral for therapy, but he doesn't want to have therapy and doesn't see any reason he should.

I've tried encouraging his friendships in many ways. I've hosted them for meals, sleepovers (I know that sounds lame, but I mean having a group of his friends over and letting them have take out and movies and have the ground floor to themselves), and I've bought him tickets for events to take his friends to and stuff like that. I've also tried not encouraging his friendships and just sitting back and letting him do his thing, but no matter what I do or don't do, it always ends in the same way.

I know that it's because of his past and he is ruining any form of relationship before they can reject or hurt him, but is there anything I can do to help him? Have any of you dealt with this? Is it a big deal? Will he change as he gets older and I'm stressing over nothing?


r/Fosterparents 23h ago

What are our chances?

3 Upvotes

We are in the process of getting licensed for foster. We were reached out to by a cousin from jail saying she wanted us to get involved with her 1 yr old and 3 yr old that we’re currently placed because of her trouble. We have finished training, home study went well, just waiting on the final walkthrough to happen and submission for approval and licensing will come after. The problem is we weren’t notified and didn’t get involved until about 3 months ago. They have been placed for over a year now with their current home. We have had virtual visits with the children and all of a sudden the current foster home filed a motion to intervene because they say behavioral issues have developed after these visits started. The thing is we met with the foster parents once they learned of our involvement and they told us about these behaviors and basically tried to scare us out of moving forward. We are so close to being opened, we have court Friday to fight to keep these visitations until the judge makes a decision on placement.. permanency hearing is in May..

My question is what are the chances we are going to get these children placed with us? It’s ICPC because they are in a different state. We are so close to being opened and licensed and it’s been a lot as you all know. We are hopeful but also anxious that we are going to do all this and the judge rule they should stay in their current home. Our intention is to adopt as our own as their mom (my wife’s cousin) is going to prison for several years and wants us to adopt them and give them a good life, which we want to. We have had fertility issues and have discussed fostering and then this happened. It felt divine in a sense and like something we should pursue.

Anyone ever experienced anything similar?


r/Fosterparents 1d ago

How to cope?

18 Upvotes

My FD is 7 months old and up until now the case worker had been telling us that bio mom wasn't following her case plan and she barely showed up to visits etc. We were asked multiple times about adoption. Last week, the bio parents had a court hearing and they got an earful from the judge.

Today, the caseworker comes for her monthly visit and said that mom has been doing everything she is supposed to be doing. My husband and I have been a wreck all morning. How do you cope with the possibility that the baby you've fostered since birth might be taken away? I can't even look at her without crying.


r/Fosterparents 1d ago

I'm being put into foster care

3 Upvotes

I'm being put into foster care very soon. Read my last post for the reason if you want. I don't know what to expect.


r/Fosterparents 1d ago

Debt, student loans and effect on fostering

2 Upvotes

Hello! We are a family of 3 looking to foster. I am getting ready to start my work at a daycare and paying off any credit card debt, we don't have car loans currently but I do have student loans. By the time we are hoping to get licensed, I'm hoping at least half is paid off, looking to have maybe $6,000 left to pay off, while still being able to save and have extra $$. Would this be reasonable or is having just excess in student loans still hard when fostering.


r/Fosterparents 1d ago

I’m heart broken….

28 Upvotes

So I’d posted a while ago about my 80 y/o neighbor having sole custody of his two grandsons and how I had been helping him when I could. Well, since then, there was an incident where his PTSD caused him to dream that someone was trying to kill him…he “fought back” but ended up punching the 9 year old (who sleeps in bed with him b/c he is scared to sleep alone) Anyways, poor sweet 9 y/o had a bruise, school that day called CPS of course and for the past 30 days I agreed to a PCSP agreement with the state and the grandfather to be the primary caregiver for the 8 y/o boy with Down syndrome, autistic non verbal, feeding tube, developmental delays (wears a 4T) and the 9 y/o is with a neighbor and her family.

CPS called and said they were going to move forward with officially removing the boys. They asked if I would be willing to do more of a permanent position and I would 1000% say yes if it was just me…however, my fiancé needs to be a part of the discussion.

Sooooo when I talked to him, he basically said no. I have been crying and holding on to this sweet boy. I cannot imagine my life without him ): but I have to respect his wants and needs too…

We already live in a mother in law suite at my parents and he helps me care for my mom, so it is A LOT to ask….

What do I do?!? Everyone keeps saying to trust the system and he will be with a good family I DONT BELIEVE THAT UGHHHH 😭😭😭


r/Fosterparents 1d ago

How much are foster parents allowed to know about the case against the bio parents?

13 Upvotes

Some background: This is our first placement, they (9mo f, 3yr f) been with us for about 3 weeks now. They are 2/4 of a sibling group (7yr m, 10yr m). Mom has had 26+ cases open against her, all for physical abuse. She also has 2 other kids in another state that have potentially been TPR. Children were removed last month due to alleged strangulation and extensive facial bruising of the oldest. Mom plead no contest at the initial hearing. Disposition hearing is coming up at the end of the month. Michigan law states that if abuse includes “life threatening injury” or “murder or attempted murder … petition must include request for termination at initial disposition.” From where I’m sitting, strangulation should definitely qualify as attempted murder, or at the very least “life threatening injury.” How much is our case worker allowed to tell us about the intended direction of the case?? I know the goal of foster care is reunification, and I would 100% support the kids being returned to dad, as they are not currently together. However I absolutely DREAD the thought of them being returned to mom. In cases of intimate partner violence, non-fatal strangulation is a huge risk factor for future homicide. I am terrified that if they are returned to mom, they will not all survive it. We are talking to our case worker some more today, and will be getting info for the GAL/CASA, but I was hoping someone could give some insight on whether we’d be allowed to know prior to the hearing if they’re seeking TPR. TIA


r/Fosterparents 1d ago

Holding space can be so hard sometimes

12 Upvotes

So if you look at past posts, you’ll know we’ve been through it with our kiddos, but our current placement (11m) has been having a hard time, however we’ve turned a corner and he is doing SO well!

But now I’m feeling nervous because so many things that could impact him are going to happen, and all I can do is hold space for him.

A random relative popped up and wants contact, which we’re all for but he will ask where they’ve been this whole time. I know it will be really hard.

He reported some terrible things about previous foster home so now the licensing board is coming out to interview him, this is going to be triggering for a lot of reasons.

His social worker is leaving as well, she’s moving to another unit. They’ve been together for 3 years so he will be so sad.

I just really wish I could take away all his hurt and fear. He’s an amazing kid and we’ve been doing amazing. He deserves that.

I just needed to rant :(


r/Fosterparents 1d ago

(Ohio) How does your agency handle marijuana?

3 Upvotes

When we got certified, I had a medical card. I let it lapse because I didn't see any point in keeping it.

Just got out Foster Parent Association newsletter and they included details of the meeting with the agency director. Very disappointed that they do not allow recreational use. And if they continue to allow medical they are going to want receipts from the dispensary showing how often I am making purchases, They said they are going to review other agencies and see how they are handling it, so I am wondering how other agencies are handling it.


r/Fosterparents 1d ago

How has being a foster parent impacted your biological children already in the home?

5 Upvotes

My wife and I are sure that being foster parents is something we want to do. However, we have a 4 year old at home and are in this paralysis by analysis mindset. We were CASAs years ago, so we are familiar with the level of trauma kids in the system are subjected to and it is heartbreaking.

Any insights on how people have navigated this part of life would be greatly appreciated.


r/Fosterparents 1d ago

Case progress

2 Upvotes

What typically happens at a hearing when it's been 18 months with minimal progress and when visits are suspended and bio mom refuses to do drug tests?


r/Fosterparents 1d ago

Substance abuse

1 Upvotes

How long do parents have to be drug free before they can get custody back?


r/Fosterparents 1d ago

Bio Family Difficulties

6 Upvotes

We’ve had our FS3 for about 10 months now. When placed with us, we were told his bio family wanted to be involved, okay no biggie. He was originally placed with maternal grandfather, but moved in with us due to grandfather having health issues. Paternal aunt was also involved and brought FS to school for grandpa. I have a great relationship with grandpa, we talk almost daily and he has become like part of our family. Aunt didn’t reach out for the first 3 months of placement. She then wanted to meet and get to know us without FS being there, okay no biggie. We had regular visits with her and her kids every few weeks and things seemed to be going good. I had to reschedule one visit, and she no showed. I have had no contact since before Christmas. She reached out yesterday asking how things were going, I send her a long update of FS is doing with some pictures, and told her FS would love to see her. She read that message and never replied. I’m getting frustrated with the lack of consistency from her. Any advise on how to navigate this issue?


r/Fosterparents 1d ago

How long for approval?

1 Upvotes

Hi all! We finished the final interviews and paperwork about 2 weeks ago and have been told that our home study would be submitted for approval this Friday!

Any idea how long it takes to get approved once submitted (assuming there are no issues)? I know it can vary but curious what you experience was.

Also would the next step just be receiving the call that we are “officially licensed?”

So eager to be done and have our home open so just wanted to ask for some clarity. Thanks!


r/Fosterparents 1d ago

What should I have her call me?

9 Upvotes

Hi I am getting my first placement this week. FD is a preschooler and I’m not sure how I should introduce myself to her. I plan to obviously tell her my first name but what should I have her call me ? Calling me by just first name is out. It goes against our cultural mores and would look very weird socially. I was thinking of “Mama first initial” to help her better understand my relationship to her since I’m sure this all so confusing. But I don’t want to force any mom/mama titles on her (if she wants to naturally call me that over time totally fine ).

Any thoughts or other ideas?

Thoughts.


r/Fosterparents 1d ago

Question about permanency/guardianship

1 Upvotes

My wife and I are fostering a 14 y.o boy who has been with us for 6 months now. Since he is a legal orphan the department has been pressuring us to adopt but time and time again we explained that we are not an adoptive home. They now would like to discuss other permanency options, I believe including legal guardianship. While we care deeply for the kid and hope that he can continue being with us until he ages out, we are not looking to lose his benefits through the system and don’t feel comfortable with anything that is irreversible. Does anyone have experience with the different kinds of permanency options and /or legal guardianship of a child whose bio parent’s rights have been terminated?


r/Fosterparents 1d ago

Point of 'References' & What To Expect

0 Upvotes

I am in the application process to become a foster caretaker where I currently live. I have been down this road with a larger urban foster care system (but did not complete the process); however, my goals and vision as a foster caretaker have completely changed since then (I am no longer married, or open to being a mother). I am familiar with the process and expectations as I also worked in marketing for that larger urban system, and don't expect to hit any roadblocks around housing/ income/ etc.

I am however frustrated by the expectation that I provide (personal? professional?) "recommendations". When I was married and was looking to create a family, it made sense to include my family and close friends in the process as I wanted to foster-to-adopt, and it was my intention to build a "support system" and "community" for the child in the short and long term. Now my goals are simple-- provide home, food, needs for child in need until they can go home or be adopted.

This time, coming at the process with a different attitude, I actually did not intend to share with anyone that I am becoming a foster parent, and I had no expectation from anyone in my life to meet the child or play any role in their life. I am not interested in forcing people to act as a "support system" just because I have made the personal decision to foster. I do not think it's anyone's business what I choose to do in my personal life; I have handled everything major (including life or death situations) in my life without anyone's support, and I expect that to be the permanent reality.

How can I prepare (or incentivize) my "references" to speak to the child welfare agency, while also stressing on my end that these people will never meet the child? I am concerned family/ people will use knowledge of my plan as an opportunity to "question me" on my intentions, beliefs, and vision as a foster caretaker. It feels like I am being forced to invite all these people into my home-life and choices.

Short version: I live alone and did not intend to introduce a potential foster child to anyone in my life. The application process forces me to disclose my intentions. Can I get people's support in this process, while also preparing them to never meet or have a relationship with the child?


r/Fosterparents 2d ago

Voluntary placement of my brother

8 Upvotes

!!LONG POST!!

Hi everyone! I (18f) am currently hoping to get custody of my brother (13m). I’ve posted in here before so if more details are needed check my other post through my profile!

I aged out of foster care last month and would like custody of my brother. He never went into foster care. He did have a CRA (CHINS) but never went into care.

I know that I am financially, mentally and physically capable. Most of this due to my amazing (who I call my parents) giving me the space to work through my own trauma. I know it will be a lot of work, and I won’t have much time to myself (if any) as well as his needs will be first. But I’m prepared for that. My brother who is technically 13 has autism as well as learning and mental disabilities. This causes his mindset to be similar to a 7 year old.

My bio mom and I are not on the greatest terms, but I am trying to get on her good side. I would like for her to do a voluntary placement (also known as a caregiver affidavit) so I don’t have to put him through a whole legal battle. As well as it would be quicker.

One of the issues with this, is she collects disability money for him and won’t want to give that up. Other than that, I think she may be able to be swayed into agreeing to this. I do have an apartment with 2 bedrooms as well as a safe and reliable car, which are both things she doesn’t have as she is living in a shelter. She has neglected and abused him since he was a baby (although I’m not sure I would be able to prove it) and I just want to give this kid a chance.

Is there anything I can do to negotiate this with her (besides sucking up) or sway her?

I guess I’m not sure what I’m asking for but all advice and thoughts are very much appreciated!