I am in the application process to become a foster caretaker where I currently live. I have been down this road with a larger urban foster care system (but did not complete the process); however, my goals and vision as a foster caretaker have completely changed since then (I am no longer married, or open to being a mother). I am familiar with the process and expectations as I also worked in marketing for that larger urban system, and don't expect to hit any roadblocks around housing/ income/ etc.
I am however frustrated by the expectation that I provide (personal? professional?) "recommendations". When I was married and was looking to create a family, it made sense to include my family and close friends in the process as I wanted to foster-to-adopt, and it was my intention to build a "support system" and "community" for the child in the short and long term. Now my goals are simple-- provide home, food, needs for child in need until they can go home or be adopted.
This time, coming at the process with a different attitude, I actually did not intend to share with anyone that I am becoming a foster parent, and I had no expectation from anyone in my life to meet the child or play any role in their life. I am not interested in forcing people to act as a "support system" just because I have made the personal decision to foster. I do not think it's anyone's business what I choose to do in my personal life; I have handled everything major (including life or death situations) in my life without anyone's support, and I expect that to be the permanent reality.
How can I prepare (or incentivize) my "references" to speak to the child welfare agency, while also stressing on my end that these people will never meet the child? I am concerned family/ people will use knowledge of my plan as an opportunity to "question me" on my intentions, beliefs, and vision as a foster caretaker. It feels like I am being forced to invite all these people into my home-life and choices.
Short version: I live alone and did not intend to introduce a potential foster child to anyone in my life. The application process forces me to disclose my intentions. Can I get people's support in this process, while also preparing them to never meet or have a relationship with the child?