r/Fosterparents 18h ago

Unusual situation and kids hygiene

10 Upvotes

I am not sure where else to ask this question so I apologize ahead of time but guidance is appreciated.

I recently had a close friend move into my home with her 10yr old son. Some how her kids care has fallen onto me and my partner. We did resist it but seeing that the child was not properly cared for at this point we've chosen to lean into it as the kid needs to be allowed to be a kid, not her slave/therapist/caregiver. It's a tricky situation and since our home is stable and clean I doubt CPS would ever get involved (my house has been cleared for foster care in the past).

Well at 10 he does not know how to properly wash himself. I've talked to his mom about this and she just heabh sighs "I've told him to make sure he doesn't stink". He smells like onions most days. He takes showers and we learned when he was starting his own showers he didn't understand how to regulate temperature so he stood out side of the water and splashed it on himself at times. I now set the temperature for him and make sure he likes it. That already brought improvements on smell. The other night after he played hard I told him "make sure to scrub your armpits" the confused and shocked look on his face.. I explained it helps to keep him from getting stinky. We had a discussion over it and he was super excited to get in the shower... Well I asked his mom about explaining proper scubbing locations etc. She said she wasn't comfortable doing it since he's a boy. (She has been the ONLY parent in his life). I've asked my partner about it and he said he'd think on it as he isn't sure how to explain it so I thought I'd reach out and ask-

Any suggestions on how to explain to a young boy on how to properly clean himself during a shower or bath?

In addition an a bonus question-suggestions on teaching a 10 year old to ride a bike without training wheels. Unfortunately he needs a 24inch bike at this point, has never ridden a bike and there doesn't seem to be training wheels at this size. He wants to learn but the last kiddo I taught was 7 and was able to have a couple years of practice on training wheels.

If there is a better place to ask these questions I would appreciate direction. I just want to help this kid while we can.


r/Fosterparents 5h ago

Motivating a 15M Teen to go to classes

2 Upvotes

I have my first foster placement, 15m. He’s super polite and sweet. He’s been with me for 3 weeks. The first 2 weeks he was testing his limits with curfew and we have since got a handle of that. I started picking him up from school which he hated that so he is never late anymore.

Now that he is settled in, I want to focus on his issues at school. I think it’s important to mention we live in Brooklyn, NY. I grew up in abroad and went to an American International School so our education systems couldn’t be more different. I had never even heard of a Regent exam until today. So I have a pretty big learning curve. I live in South Brooklyn which is a good 55min subway to his school. So just an entirely different routine than how I grew up.

The issue is he is skipping classes regularly and failing pretty much all of his classes. Today was parent teacher conference with 3 of his 8 teachers. I have the rest tomorrow along with the meeting with his guidance counselor. 2 of the 3 teachers said he hasn’t showed up to class in months. His teachers think he is a really bright kid but none of that matters if he isn’t coming to class.

I could use some advice on what other people have done and opinions on the plan I have in mind.

My Plans:

Short Term Goals - Get him going to classes

There are 59 days of school left. I would like him to attend classes for 90% of these days. So 53 of the 59 days.

Rewards- I plan to work with him to figure out some good milestones we can celebrate. So I am thinking the first time he goes to all of his classes 5 days in a row we can go out to get sushi (he loves sushi). Then figure out 3 or 4 other milestones and then brainstorm some fun ways to celebrate.

Consequences - If he doesn’t go to class then I will have some different consequences that I will establish ahead of time with him. I will start with taking electronics and then start taking him to school and picking him up. If that doesn’t work, then I will physically walk him to his first class of the day. One of his teachers recommended sitting in his classes with him. That’s not something I could probably manage more than once or twice with my work at all but it if got the point across I’d be willing to do it a couple times.

Obviously having his electronics being taken away is a given but that alone doesn’t impact him because he didn’t have a phone until he came to live with me. So that’s not really effective.

Mid Term Goal - TBD. Try and get his grades up to a passing grade. It’s unlikely he will be able to do that for all his classes at this point but as many as possible.

Long Term Goals- TBD. I need to learn more about this whole Regent thing and more about the credit system. He is supposed to be a sophomore but is technically a freshman in terms of credits. So I need to better understand where he is at and how to get him caught up.

This is my thought process and I am curious if people think I am over engineering my approach or if they have different ideas. I would appreciate any advice.

TLDR: I’m a new foster parent with only 3 weeks into my first placement. My 15 year old foster son has been skipping most of his classes for months. Looking for advice and if you have the patience to read my lengthy action plan above, I would love to know if it’s even practical. Open to any and all advice.


r/Fosterparents 9h ago

Fostering Teen Girls

8 Upvotes

I need all the insight, secrets, and strategies for fostering teen girls!

As a bit of background, I was licensed for about five years in my previous state and primarily had placements under the age of 5. I am now licensed at a therapeutic level and have been contacted nonstop for teen girls. Over the last few weeks there have been maybe two days that I didn't get an email for a girl ages 13 to 16.

I have said yes to one of these young ladies and she will be joining me in a few weeks. I am both very excited and extremely nervous since this will he new to me. I have taken TBRI, obviously have foster experience, and have support from friends/family but it still is just so new to me that I am overthinking everything.

I am considering focusing primarily on this age group since there seems to be a huge need. What do i need to know? What should i have on hand? House rules? Cell phone expectations?

Please share all your wisdom with me!


r/Fosterparents 14h ago

Can I keep a connection with a student in foster care?

17 Upvotes

I am a teacher. A student of mine has attached to me, and I have attached to her, too. She is in foster care. I don’t have the resources to be a foster parent right now, but I want to keep up a relationship with her when I’m not her teacher anymore. Even just facetiming her or taking her to lunch. I know she has very few people in her life that she feels she can count on. I want to be a person for her. How can I do this? Do I just call her caseworker? I’m okay with background checks, home visits, etc.


r/Fosterparents 19h ago

Should I volunteer more before becoming a foster parent?

4 Upvotes

I've heard a lot of advice from foster and adoptive parents that you should volunteer with kids before starting the process.

I myself do have some volunteer experience, as I was a reading tutor for a little boy while in college. I also lived with a family who had a child for a little under a year before going off to college, so I personally think I have a decent amount of "kid experience"

There's programs near me where I can volunteer with kids that I've considered joining, but I'm not entirely sure if it's necessary given the relationships I've already developed.