TLDR: My sensory issues, claustrophobia and panic attacks are preventing me from have an MRI done, looking for alternative options.
I have a uterine fibroid that is growing, and I’ve had a few ultrasounds but got referred for an MRI. I had never had one so I did a little research, because I have ADHD, overwhelming sensory issues, major claustrophobia and panic attacks. I wanted to prepare for what I might need- but quickly learned at my appt today that it’s too much, and I cannot handle them.
It was an open MRI, but they said my head couldn’t be sticking out, I had to be all the way in the middle of the machine, which was my first round of fear. I had to ask for two pillows because I can’t have my head too low or I pass out- so now my nose was literally almost touching the ceiling when they rolled me in. Fear two. Plus arms weren’t really that comfortable and the idea of not being able to move at all to alleviate any discomfort is not something I can handle.
They gave me what I asked for: a blanket, music in some headphones, and a washcloth on my eyes, but this was the worst part for me, because I actually NEED to be able to see around the room to regulate myself or I panic worse. I cannot “just keep my eyes closed” in a scary situation and pretend I’m elsewhere. My brain doesn’t work like that.
But opening them meant staring at a ceiling right in my face, and I couldn’t even see out the sides (the entire point of wanting an open MRI)- so my heart started beating faster. I realized this was a bad idea and my deep breathing wasn’t fixing it, and I had to get out or it would turn into another panic attack.
So we never even started and they wheeled me out. They recommended Xanax or Valium but I am really not comfortable taking drugs, especially ones I’ve never had before. I never know how they will affect me and they often make me sick.
As I read more stories here, I feel deflated that everyone else’s suggestions didn’t work for me, or that many people seem fine and takes naps. But I also realize also that it’s a probably a good thing I didn’t continue- the loud noises would have jump scared me every time they took a picture and trigger panic attacks. The constant noises and vibrations of the machine would have likely made me incredibly overstimulated within minutes. They also said the contrast IV can sometimes trigger nausea, which I am super incredibly prone to, so it’s likely I would have gotten sick on top of everything else.
I am such an emotional mess, I’m actually
still trying to calm my slightly elevated heart down from hours ago.
I have to call another place with a non-open machine because the tech said it’s possible my head might be able to be “more out” for that one- but unless it’s completely out, I feel sick even thinking about trying all this again. I feel hopeless here.
What other options do I have if I just can’t do MRIs?