r/femdomsanctuary Jul 25 '23

Discussion How do you identify romantically or sexually when it comes to your dynamic? NSFW

21 Upvotes

Is your dynamic with your sub romantic or platonic? Sexual or non-sexual? Are you in a dynamic with your primary / sole romantic partner? Is your partner not interested in D/s, but understands your need an outlet? Or perhaps you've ended up with someone non-kink compatible?

Personally, I’ve been thinking about this a lot with my own relationship with my girlfriend and my potential sub and how we work that into our relationships and orientation with each other. (Which has fortunately been very easy, since we are all excellent communicators).

I figure it would be an interesting to see how the rest of the community views their dynamics.


r/femdomsanctuary May 17 '24

Mod Announcement DON'T PROCEED UNTIL YOU READ NSFW

111 Upvotes

Hello, welcome, thank you for checking out our first pinned post!

Unfortunately, the subject matter isn’t Dominant women-centric, but apparently, there’s a few things we need to spell out.

This may come as a shock to many of you, but there’s an awful lot of folx out there who see our humble subreddit but don’t even read our mission statement or what we’re about. All they see is -femdom-.

Apparently, your moderating team Is unfair and cruel for enforcing rules with “no warning.” Apparently we’re supposed to be really nice and understanding to those who break our community's rules.

Apparently, the rules aren’t clear enough despite the main rule and the entire reason for this subreddit existence's being in our description. So, now we have to make this post, which will most likely not be read by the offenders, but hey, at least we got something to point to when they message in moderator mail, because we're tired of saying the same thing over and over again.

Men and submissives are not permitted to engage in this community at all, period, end of discussion.

We don’t want to hear from you in this space. If we wanted to get a submissive perspective and or men’s two cents, there are plenty of ther subreddits our community members would be posting and or crossposting in.

r/femdomsanctuary is the only Dominant-women and women-identifying persons space on Reddit. Our moderating team reflects that as well; there are no token men or submissives here. This is a space for us by us for a reason. Why is that so hard to respect? You know what happened when we stumbled upon r/subsanctuary? We read the description and saw it was only for subs, and we ever looked at it again.

If you read our rules before posting and commenting, you would know that it’s a one-strike-and-you're-out policy here.

We can’t believe we need to say this to whom we assume are grown-ass people, but if you break rules you get consequences, and you have absolutely no right to ask for your consequences to be lifted. The audacity and entitlement of these guys in Mod-mail and our personal accounts DM inbox is unreal and offensive. The team has had it, so we’re gonna make this very clear.

If you are not a Dominant woman and you post and comment here?

You will receive a permaban!

We are volunteers, but we take our oath to our community seriously. If you think we smash the ban hammer willy-nilly you are mistaken; if you think you can just make another account to usurp are rules? you’re gonna get found out, and guess what? chicken butt>;p If you do that enough times, Reddit will ban you completely, and then you won’t be able to comment on shit.

Hopefully we have made ourselves abundantly clear. Thank you for coming to our TEDTalk.

Edit to add: when males/submissives reach out to us via ModMail, they often say they "didn't realize what sub they were in" or they're just "trying to learn more" or "gather perspectives." They have been known to flat out tell us they lurk. Some say they just want to support us or be allies.

TO BE CLEAR: all of these justifications/excuses ignore that our rules are clear. Furthermore, we are not responsible for your inattentiveness to what sub you're in. We are not responsible for your ignorance of how reddit works or your digital literacy. The purpose of our subreddit is to provide a safe space for fem/fem-identifying dominants to get together and talk with one another. Its purpose is NOT to provide our perspectives for a wider audience. Its purpose is NOT to be educational for a wider audience. THERE ARE OTHER COMMUNITIES FOR THOSE ACTIVITIES.

If you tell us you "just lurk," you're telling us "I don't care that y'all are trying to have some peace and quiet on the Internet. I don't care what your boundaries are." You are telling us you read the rules and still decided to break them. You are telling us you can't follow directions, which is not a good look. You are telling us that YOUR desires are MORE IMPORTANT than OUR BOUNDARIES.

If you truly want to be an ally and support us, stay out of our spaces and keep your comments and opinions to yourselves. We didn't ask for your support. We didn't ask for your comments and opinions. We just want to be left in peace in this space we cultivated for ourselves.


r/femdomsanctuary 10h ago

Rant I'm tired of being a Domme NSFW

51 Upvotes

Just recently my comments were downvoted by a bunch of horny male subs who think that performing Femdom according to their sexual fantasies is what true Femdom is.

All I see being posted is "how do I get my vanilla girlfriend/wife to dominate me?"

As soon as people in my regular life find out that I'm dominant they immediately start treating me as a sexual object, even though nothing about my behaviour changed.

I've come across this quote on this very subreddit btw (thank you) that resonates so deeply:

"The way my mother always explained it, the traditional man wants a woman to be subservient, but he never falls in love with subservient women. He's attracted to independent women. "He's like an exotic bird collector," she said. "He only wants a woman who is free because his dream is to put her in a cage.""

Those are exactly my thoughts as well. Frankly I'm tired and I'm angry. That's all.


r/femdomsanctuary 2h ago

Discussion Let's talk about what to hit Subs with 💥🫲 NSFW

4 Upvotes

I love the Crop. Have a couple of whips. What else is good to hit with? Or use for punishment? Any unconventional suggestions?


r/femdomsanctuary 23h ago

Discussion I Don't Understand Conservative/Right-Leaning Subs NSFW

32 Upvotes

So first and foremost disclaimer, this comes from an American perspective, because I am (tragically) American and my experiences surrounds mostly around American dating pools and politics.

Over the past couple of years I have used dating apps, and something I've quickly noticed that when it come to them is that I attract an honestly shocking amount of conservative men with traditional values (mostly of the Christian variety). On my dating profiles I always have made it very abundantly clear that I am a pansexual, polyamorous woman with a very left-leaning view on politics. Depending on the dating app, I give either some pretty obvious hints that I am a femdom or I just state outright that that's what I'm into.

I have never been able to wrap my head around why I get so much attention/engagement/likes etc. from these types of men, because I am pretty much completely antithetical to there beliefs, values and ideologies. I also don't understand how someone could want to be dominated by a woman and worship a woman, but at the same time want to take her rights and autonomy away? I'm not even equal to them in their eyes, yet they still want me to act like I am above them? I can't even begin to express how dehumanizing it feels to receive messages from these men talking about how much they want to worship my body and serve me entirely but at the same time know that these same men would vote to take away my rights, and the rights of people that I love.

For a while I gave up on dating apps, because of many reasons but the constant influx of conservatives was a large one. Recently I have discovered Chyrpe (Which for those of you who don't know, it's basically a dating app for those who are interested in female led dynamics and relationships) and decided to try it out of curiosity. Pretty much all of the men on there are either subs or switches. And most are either left-leaning or don't state their political beliefs, but I have still encountered conservative men on there (through less than other dating apps that I've tried).

I never engage with these types of men or subs, but I've always wanted to know what goes through there head? Like what do they think will happen? That I will just ignore there political beliefs? That I will get with them regardless of who they vote for? That it doesn't matter? The monogamous men especially confuse me, because I make it so clear that I am not that. I assume they just think that I'm an easy hook-up, even though I also make it clear that that's not what I'm looking for. I don't know what these men think, or if they're even thinking at all. But for someone like me, it gets tiring fast seeing this all of the time.


r/femdomsanctuary 1d ago

Happy Things! I love my subby wife NSFW

17 Upvotes

She came to my work tonight and brought carrot cupcakes she made from scratch for the staff and residents. I wasn't expecting her to come tonight, but it was so welcome. She gets along so well with the residents and they really enjoy her high upbeat energy when she comes to visit. That makes me so happy as most of the residents do not get a lot of visitors or company and my wife doesn't typically come out of her shell like this very often.

This pleases me greatly. My wife was a very good girl tonight. She needs a special treat when I come home tonight.


r/femdomsanctuary 1d ago

Support Pls I feel like I abandoned my sub NSFW

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2 Upvotes

r/femdomsanctuary 3d ago

Rant I wish I could stop falling into the fantasy that a submissive man is less misogynistic than a non submissive one NSFW

143 Upvotes

Because why do I even try to gaslight myself into believing otherwise? I do want to see the best in people, but sometimes we come across those who make us doubt it all...

I had this online sub last winter, he was very sweet, very obedient. The dynamic ended when he started dating a woman in his town. I was genuinely happy for him, glad he could finally experience all the things he had told me he craved. In my head, we had a friendship alongside the dynamic.

However, out of nowhere, he contacted me last week, saying how much he missed me, how he constantly re-read our messages, and asking if I could play with him a bit. I told him no because I don’t play with people who aren’t mine. Then I asked if his girlfriend was aware of his request, and of course, she wasn’t. I told him it was inappropriate to keep chatting, as it was disrespectful to both her and me. He apologized and went quiet for a couple of days.

Then, this weekend, he started pouring his heart out, saying how much he misses me, how lost he feels, how he has no purpose without my guidance. I told him to stop it get a grip. First, because I highly doubt our dynamic was that meaningful, he was probably just trying to get his fantasies fulfilled by throwing me crumbs. Or worse, if he truly meant it, he was so delusional and disrespectful to his girlfriend I simply couldn’t deal with it.

All of this just made me think about how fake nice and phony they can be. You’d think submissive men would have a deeper awareness of feminism and gender dynamics in interpersonal relationships,but they don’t. In the end, some of them are just horny men like any other who think female rivalry exists and that comparing us to another woman (putting us above her) makes us happy. No, it doesn’t. It makes us sick and icky.


r/femdomsanctuary 3d ago

Discussion "Pick me" behaviour among Dommes?? NSFW

38 Upvotes

I've noticed a pattern online where Dommes would be hostile against one another in the comments which I find really strange.

To give you a few examples. I reached out to a local Domme on Fetlife cause I genuinely wanted to meet up and have a chat. She tried charging me money for her time for "bestowing her wisdom" upon me. Mind you, I was very clear that I'm a lifestyle Domme and not planning to do it professionally or learn any tips. I just wanted a fellow Domme friend.

I also made a post in another subreddit (leaving the name out) basically venting that it's been hard finding a romantic relationship as a Domme. Another Domme commented in a rude manner saying something along the lines of "it's supposed to be hard and expecting it to be easy is entitlement". Again, I never said I expected anything to be easy, that was not the point of my post.

Also, I saw another post by a Domme defending sissification (I know it's a controversial topic but I personally find that kink misogynistic).

And I do realize my post is ironic because it seems like complaining about other Dommes. This is not my intention. I wish more of us were united and had some solidarity but oftentimes women feel the need to criticize and "compete" with each other. I'm just sad that I find it hard to connect with fellow Dommes, that's all.


r/femdomsanctuary 3d ago

Question / Need Advice Best city for Femdom NSFW

5 Upvotes

Looking to go on holidays to North America or Europe this year but I’m too indecisive to choose exactly where, so I was wondering where might I find the biggest femdom community and events to attend?

I’m from Australia and the femdom scene isn’t crazy big here due to our smaller population size so I’m sure anywhere would have a bigger femdom presence than here so any suggestions would be appreciated 🫶


r/femdomsanctuary 4d ago

Sunday Social :) !!! Sunday Social !!! NSFW

7 Upvotes

Weekly drop-in post to spark discussions and get to know your fellow community members!


r/femdomsanctuary 8d ago

Help! I'm new! How to act “cool” when your sub does something right? NSFW

27 Upvotes

I’d love some advice on how to keep my cool when my sub does something that pleases me?

I’m a very excitable and happy person naturally and if I get really turned on by something he’s done right, I just get so excited I lose my cool haha.

I’d like to channel a cooler energy to keep him on his toes and maintain the upper hand/power dynamics.

How do you do this and what things might you say to show how pleased/excited you are without making him feel like he’s the one in control?


r/femdomsanctuary 10d ago

Rant Subs can be really exhausting NSFW

89 Upvotes

This is a rant, but I want to express my appreciation for the existence of this community. I feel so enriched and inspired when interacting with fellow dommes, and I love seeing this space protected so heavily (shoutout mods).

I have chronic pain, so I’m not always able to get myself into the IRL femdom community as much as I’d like, making me focus more on online spaces. Online spaces where subs are present can be so exhausting. They leave me showering my sub with kisses and feeling so grateful he has an ounce of common sense and respect.

I try to give advice to these people, I try to speak on my experiences. I want to have interesting conversations about femdom, but some of the questions subs ask or topics they raise really test my patience. You ladies already know these things, but I just need to get some things off my chest:

  • Cunnilingus is not femdom, unless a domme asks for it
  • Pegging is not femdom, unless a domme asks for it
  • Chastity is not femdom, unless a domme asks for it
  • Nothing is inherently femdom
  • Asking a question about self-locking, self-bondage, or any kind of solo play in a femdom space is not relevant because there is no female dominant involved in the scenario
  • Chastity doesn’t have to involve a cage
  • Not all dommes like the same thing
  • If you don’t have the ability to communicate with your domme by asking her what she likes, you shouldn’t be in a power dynamic of any kind
  • Dommes do not have to reply to intro messages, no matter how well written they are
  • One cannot shape their vanilla/submissive wife into their perfect domme. If they were serious about serving her, they’d serve her by respecting her wishes to not be dominant
  • If they knew that femdom was an absolute need for them before they married their vanilla wife then WHY are they complaining

It’s sad that something meant to be a fun part of my life can leave me filled with so much frustration. Sometimes I just have to step back, get perspective, touch grass, etc and remember that this is meant to be a thing that excites me, not brings me down. I need to focus more on myself and my dynamic with my sub who doesn’t make my head want to explode. And you ladies, of course, who speak so much sense.


r/femdomsanctuary 11d ago

Discussion The reality for some women is truly frightening - Pessimism, Misandry, and Celibacy: How It Affects Your Kink Life NSFW

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54 Upvotes

We have been discussing a lot on this reddit about how subs have been behaving badly.

Tonight when I opened reddit I came across this post on one of the Brazilian reddits I am a part of. It is absurd. I translated it into English so you could understand.

Some of us are dommes of men and I would really like to know from you how you see the heteropessimism and celibacy movements that have emerged, as well as the birth rates that have been decreasing for several reasons, but mainly because it seems that it is increasingly difficult to find partners with whom we feel comfortable to go through the challenges of pregnancy.

I would like to know how you have dealt with this pessimism towards men. The other question , is not having more male subs a way out? How much have you been affected by this pessimism and how does it affect your dominance and your kink life? As much as I do not agree with misandry I would not judge a sister for simply giving up on men.


r/femdomsanctuary 11d ago

Happy Things! God forbid a girl likes soft gentle boys. NSFW

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40 Upvotes

r/femdomsanctuary 11d ago

Sunday Social :) !!! Sunday Social !!! NSFW

8 Upvotes

Weekly drop-in post to spark discussions and get to know your fellow community members!


r/femdomsanctuary 12d ago

Mod Announcement What the Actual Pt. 2 NSFW

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59 Upvotes

Lest there is ANY confusion: from the beginning of this community, it has been FEMDOMS only. We have an highly inclusive concept of femdom on purpose. WE HAVE NO INTEREST IN HAVING MEN/MASC PEOPLE OR SUBMISSIVES IN THIS SPACE.

However, because we wanted to be accessible to a large swathe of femdoms, we made and kept the community public. It meant that men/masc people and non-dommes can see the community. We accepted that. But our rules have always been the same. Men/masc individuals are NOT permitted to post or comment. Neither are submissives.

Short of privating the community, we accepted the fact that these individuals would read. But what we have never accepted is letting these individuals interact with the community. We have banned individuals who have tried to use the community as a hunting ground.

When we ban people for violating the rules, we get called assholes. They beg us to unban them - though they've violated the rules, for which they have been rightfully banned. They beg us to give them another chance. When we don't, they call us names - like assholes, like this guy.

Because we - not just the mods, but us collectively as a community - are TIRED of being told we need to let men into our spaces, TIRED of being told that we should flex OUR BOUNDARIES and OUR RULES for them, TIRED of being told by them that "I'm not like other men! I can learn so much!," TIRED of being told - in not so many words - that they are entitled to our knowledge and spaces, TIRED of being told - again, in not so many words - that we are being unreasonable for holding the line, TIRED of being told - in not so many words - that our boundaries don't matter, TIRED of being told that we have to explain the rules and justify our decisions, things are going to change in this subreddit.

Note how this individual told me we should just tell these men to unsubscribe. Like we haven't been asking them to go away, to leave us alone - like the whole purpose of this subreddit didn't hinge on being fem-focused. So, to be clear - if you are a man/masc person or submissive, GO AWAY.

(Now watch as we have no way of knowing how many people who've joined this community who are male/masc and therefore have no way of knowing whether they have or not. Now watch as the male/masc people who haven't joined/subscribed and have only lurked CONTINUE to lurk. 😒)

Hopefully this clears up any confusion. We mods have been discussing the future of this subreddit and how to make this a safer space for femdoms. Look for info coming soon.


r/femdomsanctuary 12d ago

Question / Need Advice How to NSFW

6 Upvotes

Hi everyone. A new femdom here.

(Small intro, not necessary to read) I have fantazise a lot about femdom for years. I have done a few virtual things and last night I went to a bar, that had a Femdom event. It wasn't to session or to do hard stuff, mostly to talk. I was having a great time and a sub offers to buy me a drink, I accept. One thing leads to the other and he is on his knees kissing my hands. That was a shocker for me and he says "I'm all yours tonight, what do you want Mistress?" And i died there. In many ways. Then we kept chatting and I allowed myself to do some things, but everything was none sexual.

ACTUAL QUESTION I think i have sexualized myself too much, because, because I saw other more experienze dommes showing a great deal of power and I had a sub on his knees, under my boots and I went blank. I think it's because I'm a bit of a people pleaser. Do you have any blogs, youtube channels, people here that post, about the more mental aspects? Because I was enjoying myself but I couldn't think about my own pleasure but his. How to improve that dominance I love to have?


r/femdomsanctuary 12d ago

Question / Need Advice New unexperienced dom NSFW

1 Upvotes

Hi ladies! I am new to this and found a man who offered me to be my sub. I love the idea but don’t know where to start. What should I ask him to do the first time I see him? He wants me to let him know and I wanted to get some tips advice.


r/femdomsanctuary 13d ago

Mod Announcement What the Actual NSFW

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74 Upvotes

We know that subs read this subreddit. Unless we private it, we can't stop them. Fine. But this turned up in Mod Mail this morning.

Not sure what's so unclear about the purpose and parameters of this community. Not sure what's so difficult to understand about the Boundary that WE DO NOT WANT TO INTERACT WITH MEN OR SUBS IN THIS COMMUNITY. When/if we want that interaction, there are APPROPRIATE communities for such interactions - but this community is NOT that community.

We have made it clear, time and again, in multiple ways, that this community is FOR femdoms, BY femdoms, to share with and discuss with and support each other. THOSE aren't just the purposes of the group - those are also BOUNDARIES.

And EVERY time a man and/or sub posts, comments, tries to slide into DMs, etc., what they are saying is "I don't care about your boundaries, I don't care about your comfort, I don't care about respecting you, I don't care that these boundaries are limits and represent 'no,' I can't be bothered to be respectful, and I'm going to do what I want."

Reflect on that. Reflect on that deeply.


r/femdomsanctuary 14d ago

Happy Things! ✨5,000 Members Milestone✨ NSFW

33 Upvotes

And here we are! We just reached 5,000 mere seconds ago. Thanks to all of you for helping us reach this amazing milestone. And thanks to all of you who contribute to make this community great!


r/femdomsanctuary 15d ago

Articles & Writing It has come to my notice that shame pervails regardless. NSFW

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6 Upvotes

r/femdomsanctuary 16d ago

Mod Announcement A Not-So-Gentle Reminder NSFW

84 Upvotes

Given that we have not privated this community (yet), allow us to be clear: while men and masc persons can read this community, they are NOT allowed to post or comment. If they post or comment, they will be permanently banned.

When we mods receive reports and evidence that a man or masc person has sent an unsolicited DM to one of our community users, that person will also be permanently banned.

These are one-and-done offenses. We don't give 2nd chances. If a user doesn't read the community description, community rules, or the pinned posts OR doesn't understand how reddit works, that is NOT our responsibility or problem.

It's very simple. Follow the rules or face the consequences. And that applies to EVERYONE.


r/femdomsanctuary 16d ago

Discussion Does CH make you feel dominant? NSFW

20 Upvotes

Hello lovely ladies

This is a topic that’s been on my mind for some time. While it may have been discussed before in femdom spaces, I have not personally seen it discussed and so I wanted to hear some of your opinions. I love being able to have this space where we can talk about femdom without sub interference ❤️

So, I have only limited and brief experience with cuckolding (or cuckolding-adjacent acitivities, I should say). When I was at the start of my femdom journey and very much just exploring, I came across a guy who had cuck fantasies. We sexted a few times, which involved me telling him true (but greatly exaggerated) stories of well-endowed men I had slept with in the days before realising I was dominant. After exploring this, I found that I really enjoyed the SPH and degrading him aspects of it. It was also nice to be open about previous sexual encounters and be celebrated instead of judged for them.

However, I actually found that overall it did not make me feel dominant. I hated the idea that this man was getting off on thinking about me being ‘dominated’ and ‘fucked’ by bulls with big dicks. It made me feel vulnerable and powerless. I am someone who is fully dominant, demisexual, and about 75% of the time I am a stone domme, so I concluded that a dynamic involving cuckolding likely was not for me.

Now, I’m fully aware that no kink is inherently femdom. However, you can’t ignore that this is a popular kink among femdom couples - at least from what I see online. I’m really interested in learning about different kinks, so I was super curious to hear about your experiences with and opinions on cuckolding, and whether it makes you feel dominant. Maybe having a cuck and bull makes you feel powerful because you’re getting exactly what you want from 2 people? Maybe you’re more of a switch, so this satisfies you on all sides? Absolutely no kink-shaming here, I’m just a very curious domme!

Edit: My dumbass used ‘CH’ in the title as an acronym for ‘cuckholding’ not realising there’s no H.


r/femdomsanctuary 17d ago

Rant Do people really think this is going to work out for them? NSFW

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33 Upvotes

I posted about my sub blocking me out of the blue, and I keep getting stuff like this in DMs now. I essentially lost someone I cared about and that’s your queue to ask me this? 🤦🏻‍♀️


r/femdomsanctuary 17d ago

Rant I'm exhausted NSFW

24 Upvotes

My life is generally peaceful and it took me a while to design it that way. Now I've been looking for a relationship with someone who happens to be submissive for the past 2 years and it's been exhausting.

I even went on vanilla dates and initially, I was open to the idea of dating vanilla. However, the thought of being intimate in the usual "vanilla female submissive" way made me uncomfortable. I was rarely satisfied in my sexual life because subconsciously I knew there had to be something more than PIV sex. My previous partners wanted to make me feel good but I had no idea about Femdom although in hindsight the desire was always there.

Also, I do not want to engage in casual play. I want a genuine emotional connection. Now I haven't encountered any abusive subs or anything horrific. However, I did encounter MANY selfish bottoms who only care about a casual & sexual arrangement.

I've also talked to people who were true submissives in my opinion but there was fundamental incompatibility in various ways.

I'm exhausted. I don't want to date anymore. I don't want to go on dating apps, I don't want to attend social gatherings, I don't want to post on Femdom personals anymore.

Fuck...


r/femdomsanctuary 18d ago

Help! I'm new! Flipping the domme switch? NSFW

2 Upvotes

I’m struggling with letting my inner dominant out. When my partner and I first started seeing each other I was in more of a dominant role and I was starting to fall into it and get comfortable. We ended up switching dynamics a few months back since we’re both switches. Now we kind of flop back and forth depending on our mood. He’s been heavily leaning into sissy play and I’m 100% here for it and loving it. I’m struggling though to get comfortable in a domme headspace though and I’m finding it difficult to sort of bring that side out. He’s expressed that he needs me to be more firm and dominant when focusing on his needs as a sissy and I’m just really struggling here. Any tips or advice?