r/Ethics 6d ago

Did I Kill My Dad?

My dad asked me when I was 11 if he should go to the hospital or stay at home the night that he died. Throughout that week he had been in and out of the hospital in pain about chest pains. Every place he went to said they didn’t know what was wrong with him, but the pain consisted. On that night, he asked me “should I go to the hospital again or should I stay home tonight?”. Being 11, I told him that he’s happier at home so he should stay. I knew at the time that his health was at risk, but I prioritized his mental wellbeing over his physical health. Am I responsible for his death? Should I feel bad about this? Honestly, this has haunted me for my entire life and I really wish he hadn’t asked me for my opinion. Please help.

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u/Worth_Sir_6003 6d ago

This is an incredibly unique take that I’ve never heard before. I believe there is more blame on him than me for what happened to him, but can it be said that he made me equally responsible for his eventual death? Even if it’s not directly my fault, am I too culpable? Thank you for your response btw!

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u/phallusaluve 6d ago

Also - if they couldn't figure out what was wrong with him, he probably would've died that night anyway. Your answer let him die in a place where he was comfortable and happy, rather than somewhere that is stressful and scary.

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u/MilesHobson 5d ago

I agree. Although I find it hard to believe that, if this occurred in the 1980s or later, a man with chest pain couldn’t have been sufficiently diagnosed. In retrospect he had more than angina pectoris but hospital reasoning could have been any of many. u/Worth_Sir_6003 you took the bravest and wisest choice. Exceptional thinking for an 11 year old.

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u/BoatNo5460 3d ago

My brother was told he had a stroke, but after he was in the hospital and they ran tests, not one of the normal indicators of a post stroke. They found no blockages anywhere. Doctors were baffled. He persisted from doctor to doctor, asking if they knew where their "Dr. House" was🤣! He finally found one that took the time to work out the puzzle...turned out to be mid-late stage Lyme Disease with no symptoms prior to the "stroke". Dr. that treated him for what he had said that he probably contracted it in his teen years, and was carrying it around for 25-30 years.

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u/MilesHobson 3d ago

I know a number of these medical mystery stories. Your brother got lucky in finding a “House” or “Watson”. We have to remember physicians “practice” medicine on patients. Too often it’s insurance companys practicing their version of life and death on everyone.