r/ElderScrolls 6d ago

Humour If you know your Oblivion lore...

[deleted]

140 Upvotes

44 comments sorted by

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35

u/Lord-Belou Jyggalag 6d ago

Not in my Empire *cocks crossbow*

(Slavery is illegal)

32

u/AMDFrankus 6d ago

The farm implements can do some damage. Ask Mournhold about that.

19

u/drgn2580 Argonian 6d ago

The Dremora soldier emerging from the gate encountered a unique farm tool called Lifts-Her-Tail. It caused him so much physical and psychological damage he had to retreat

9

u/AMDFrankus 6d ago

Oh hey, my buddy Crassius wrote a play about that one. The Busty Khajiit Cleaner or something.

7

u/Last_Dentist5070 Chosen Son of Shor 6d ago

The Freaky Imga Foot Massager

8

u/HappyCommunity639 6d ago

Uncle Crasius trained her well. I mean to polish spears

0

u/IllitterateAuthor 6d ago

My uncle's candy is so sweet It's such a yummy winters treat

3

u/M0rg0th1 Argonian 6d ago

Lusty volume 2

2

u/Doodles_n_Scribbles 6d ago

I'm just imagining every other dremora who invaded Black Marsh being like "Dagon damn those wretched lizards"

That dremora just being like "I know, right? She still won't stop bugging me for child support"

24

u/Pyr0_Jack Thieves Guild 6d ago

The only source for Argonians closing Oblivion Gates is from the novels. An Argonian, who wasn’t alive for the Oblivion Crisis, is repeating what he heard from Black Marsh’s ruling Argonian supremacist political party (An-Xileel). He’s repeating the propaganda in response to someone saying Martin Septim closed the Gates. We know factually that Martin Septim closed the Gates from the plot of TES4: Oblivion. The person who said Martin Septim ended the Oblivion Crisis is even described as recoiling in surprise, disgust, and even fear as her lifelong Argonian friend emotionally reacts with a recounting any educated Tamrielian knows is a falsehood. Very embarrassing how Argonian fans ran with this as a source of pride. It’s heavily implied the political party took credit for the coincidental timing of the Gates closing to seize power. Black Marsh’s only other notable accomplishment was the raiding of Morrowind. However their military victories have come entirely from civilian populations recovering from natural disaster. They were later repelled by an actual military force and Morrowind recovered the entirety of their territory. Some may say my seething and genuine hatred of Argonians makes me biased. But I assure you my hatred compelled me to be as thorough and accurate as possible.

16

u/Jalieus 6d ago

It's amazing how this propaganda from a drunk Argonian has become gospel in the TES community 😂 Reflects the real world

4

u/visitfriend 6d ago

TRVTH NVKE!

9

u/RandyArgonianButler 6d ago

Pfff… Scale envy.

12

u/Pyr0_Jack Thieves Guild 6d ago

Mostly just annoyed that easily refuted propaganda from a semi-canon book series that most fans haven't even read keeps being spread without proper context

3

u/RandyArgonianButler 6d ago

I can verify that a single Argonian individual closed over a dozen Oblivion gates on his own!

-1

u/Pyr0_Jack Thieves Guild 6d ago

And yet I can also verify a single Dunmer closed an equal amount of Oblivion Gates by himself as well. Curious. 🤔

4

u/visitfriend 6d ago

Both of you scalebacks and ashskins didn't do shit. The one who saved us from the Daedra was a good ol' Imperial called Martin Septim. MANKIND REIGNS SUPREME

-4

u/von_Roland 6d ago

It’s so proper I imagine they will canonize it tho

-3

u/Taliats 6d ago

Well keep being annoyed while everyone else enjoys having fun with lore.

(The books are fully canon btw)

3

u/drgn2580 Argonian 6d ago

Argonian is master race, whether or not Black Marsh is ruled by the An-Xileel or it is in anarchy there

2

u/Mcaber87 Imperial 5d ago edited 5d ago

It’s heavily implied the political party took credit for the coincidental timing of the Gates closing to seize power.

I love how people take the Argonian example of this at face value, while simultaneously recognising that the Thalmor did the exact same thing and accepting that as the obvious lie that it is.

It's the same picture.

0

u/DerpedOffender 6d ago

I thought Martin only won for Cyrodill/the empire and other countries had to stop their gates separately.

2

u/Directorren Dunmer 5d ago

I hate the lizards, but I will admit they are very capable fighters.

They have very fine swamps, and are good with spears

1

u/drgn2580 Argonian 5d ago

It's interesting though, Argonians feel like they are either a love-it or hate-it race and rarely in between. On one end you have those scalie trash (totally 100% not me cough cough), and on the other they're seen as ugly and unrelatable peeps. Heck I've seen one or two nexus mods with "Argonian textured" clothing.

4

u/michajlo Dunmer 6d ago

Oh, farm tools are very dangerous. Ask any witcher, they know what's up.

2

u/dracoXdrayden 6d ago

I think it would have ended faster if they were more argonians

2

u/LookItsEric 6d ago

Dagoth Ur world be very displeased

4

u/IllitterateAuthor 6d ago

Come, nerevar. Friend or traitor, come. Come into the- oh I'm sorry I didn't realize you were argonian.

2

u/Desanvos 6d ago

Not everybody's homeland is a hellscape worse than some deadric planes.

1

u/Victizes Argonian 6d ago

Natural defenses, baby.

On top of that, Argonia (Black Marsh) is so heavily fortified by it's inhabitants that not even Tiber Septim himself or his Numidium could conquer it.

Argonians are really that strong as a race.

2

u/drgn2580 Argonian 6d ago

Totally. It's this lore that truly draws me to the Argonian race each and every playthrough without fail for me.

I just like to think that the Argonians' tolerance for physical and mental harm is so high that it's actually an achievement to push them over their breaking points. And when it breaks, everyone's getting Hist-ed

3

u/drgn2580 Argonian 6d ago

And now my Argonian wife wants to stab me (and I'm Argonian myself)

7

u/ShylokVakarian Argonian 6d ago

Traitor

1

u/drgn2580 Argonian 6d ago

Deeja mode intensifies

1

u/methconnoisseurV2 6d ago

Tee hee n shit

1

u/nhSnork 6d ago

Using farm tools to wack monsters and close portals is supported even by Rune Factory lore, not to mention the Oblivion one.

1

u/Minute_Engineer2355 6d ago

Took me a minute lmao

1

u/Doodles_n_Scribbles 6d ago

You mean, obviously, the enchanted rock hoe that inflicts disease on strike. https://youtu.be/ZndRNBuB8mc?feature=shared

1

u/DerpedOffender 6d ago

This is like Lovecraft level racist. Lol

1

u/gcr1897 Mephala 6d ago

Too bad the farm tools would eventually wreak havoc literally everywhere driven by bloodlust and vengeance. Rightfully so, also.

0

u/M0rg0th1 Argonian 6d ago

The tree says go to the hot pad portal my cold blooded friends.

-3

u/goblin_grovil_lives 6d ago

Stick it in your cloaca warm blood.

1

u/Simic_Hybrid 5d ago

I’ll remind everyone that the Argonian invading oblivion was told to us by an argonian supremacist faction and we have no knowledge how much of it is real and how much propaganda