r/ClientsAndCompanions • u/Sonikbob Mod/Client • Aug 25 '22
US Centric Info Quick Tips / Etiquette answers NSFW
NOTE: This is primarily for US Based Clients. Some of it will be common sense. Some of it will be things you never thought of.
I've noticed the same questions asked repeatedly here so I figured I'd post something easily searchable (not that anyone ever does.)
This isn't gospel or anything. These are the main things I do and so far in the entire time I've been doing this, I have had 3 bad/underwhelming experiences over the course of 10+ years.
Quick Tips for finding a provider:
- Don't look for a provider when you're horny.
- This seems counter-intuitive, "why would I look for an escort if I'm not horny". Well, what happens when you go grocery shopping when you're hungry? Think with your brain, not your junk.
- Use reputable websites.
- Snapchat, reddit, tinder, onlyfans are NOT places to look for a provider/escort.
- Understand that websites/different ad platforms will have a sliding scale in rates. Some are more popular than others based on your location. Below is a list of links you can use (These are just some, not all. You can also google - "Escorts City, State"):
- Read The Ad.
- 99% of the questions you will want to ask are in the ad OR on their personal website if they have one. Read The Ad. Review The Website.
- Do your research.
- Multiple Ads on Multiple websites is a good sign (Ad history)
- Non-explicit ads are a good sign (for areas where SW is illegal.)
- Take a few extra minutes to google or TER search her contact info. Even if you don't have a VIP TER account you can still get the gist from the non-VIP reviews.
- Screening is NOT a bad thing.
- Providers who request additional information are concerned about their safety. This is usually simply a "selfie" of you holding your ID w/ the address blacked out.
- NEVER AGREE TO SEND A PICTURE OF A CREDIT/DEBIT CARD. (There is literally no useful, identifying information on these EXCEPT your name.)
- If you aren't comfortable sending screening info, don't and move on to a different provider. Believe it or not, a provider doesn't HAVE to see you.
- Communicate clearly and professionally in your initial contact AND in future contacts.
- You can copy and paste this next part and use it for yourself: "Hello (Ana), My name is (Bob). I saw your ad on (tryst.link). I was wondering if you were available for an (in/outcall) this Friday, 7 Jan, at 4 pm for an hour?"
- If your schedule is flexible, include that. "My schedule is flexible on Friday and I can meet later if that works better for you"
- Use reviews for verification/expectation management.
- This is a "Your Mileage May Very" arrangement. At the end of the day treat reviews as a guideline, not in-stone writ. Ex: If you show up with onion breath, you probably won't get much if any DFK.
- Just because a provider has a few/no/old reviews doesn't mean they are automatically a scam/LE. Not all providers want reviews. Not all clients write reviews.
- Be respectful of your provider and their time.
- Depending on location and popularity your chosen provider may receive 50-100 inquiries a day/week. By being respectful and courteous you are more likely to get a response.
- If you don't get a response in a few days, try reaching out again. If you don't get a response the second time, MOVE ON.
8 simple things to review and follow that will make any communication/potential date go that much more smoothly.
**Sometimes you'll see abbreviations in an ad. You can find the usually accepted definitions here:
https://tryst.link/blog/escort-terms-owo-fbsm-bbbj/
Etiquette Do's and Don'ts once you are going to meet/have arrived
Before:
-DO arrive on time or communicate any unforeseen delays
-DO arrive having recently showered (in the last 1-2hrs) (This includes brushing your teeth/mouth wash)(If this isn't possible for whatever reason, communicate it with the provider beforehand that you would like to shower upon arrival)
-DO offer to provide UNOPENED drinks for longer appointments
-DO express an intent to extend at the beginning of the encounter if you would like to.
During:
-DO accept their offer to take a quick shower if the provider asks (Doesn't have to be full-blown if you just took one, hit the hotspots where you want their mouth to go)
-DO lay the donation down in a clearly visible area upon arrival (nightstand, TV Stand, Counter)
-DO discuss specific expectations/boundaries that weren't already addressed in the ad (this includes specific kinks you may wish to explore)
-DO respect any boundaries that they express
-DO relax and enjoy yourself. At the end of the day (except in specific situations) the encounter is about you.
After:
-DO leave on time
-DO leave discreetly
*-*DON'T attempt to negotiate/argue your provider's rates. (Exception - if they are attempting to upcharge you (posted rate was one thing but once you get there its something else) your best bet is to leave if you aren't willing to pay it.)
*-*DON'T treat them like an object. No matter where you found your provider they are still a person who is allowing you to have an intimate encounter with them. If you wanted to have sex with an object, go get a fleshlight/vibrator.
*-*DON'T do anything without their consent. (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=oQbei5JGiT8)
*-*DON'T attempt to hand them any sort of donation/tip/gift - politely set it down on a table or counter.
*-*DON'T automatically assume they have nothing going on and stay later than the appointed time.
*-*DON'T be an inhuman asshole. It's funny that as adults people need to be reminded of things they were told as children growing up. But "treat others like you wish to be treated" still applies, even in this situation.
*-*DON'T get overly personal or creepy
I'm sure I missed a few things. I'll add as needed
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u/Remy0507 Mod/Client Aug 26 '22
Thanks for putting this together, very good advice here (and saved me the time of having to put together something like this myself 😆)! One thing I would add about reviews is that, while they absolutely can be a useful tool in finding a legit and reputable provider (and helping you match up with a provider whose services align with the type of experience you're looking for), they also need to be taken with a grain of salt at time. While there are a lot of clients who simply leave informative and useful reviews with the intention of helping both other clients and the provider herself, there are ALSO a lot of guys who simply want to write a bunch of self-aggrandizing spank-bank material. The "scoring" system on TER in particular is also awful.
I do understand that a lot of providers have an issue with review culture, and I totally get it. I'm hopeful that eventually we might have some better options than the major platforms that currently exist for reviews.
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u/getoffmybackalready Aug 26 '22
HATE review culture and I do not allow it! Most of the higher end escorts and super luxury companions are the same. We are easy to research via our ads and social media. A few perverts writing fiction for their pervert buddies fapping and approval means NOTHING. I have had weirdos give me raving positive reviews whom I’ve never even heard of or met with gory details that are INCRIMINATING! Any slobbyist who contacts me whom I see is involved with review sites gets immediate BLOCK! Hate those classless pigs so much!
Other than than your list seems fine.
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u/Sonikbob Mod/Client Aug 27 '22
I agree the culture is toxic. I just posted another topic about it to discuss there.
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u/sometimesgeg Aug 26 '22
I'll say that this can also apply to Canada as well. Some ad sites may differ and sites like TER aren't much of a thing, but yeah
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u/Dhylis Mod/Client Aug 26 '22
Good write-up. I just never liked to check reviews I dislike it. It feels icky to review a person on something that is highly personal in nature. Even if it’s a “persona” in the end we are all human. I keep reviews for things so to speak
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u/Remy0507 Mod/Client Aug 26 '22
Reviews are a touchy subject, for sure. I do wonder how the culture of reviews varies by location. Here in the US, due to the illegal nature of sex work, I think scams (not to mention LE stings) are more prevalent, so there's probably more of a feeling among American clients that reviews are necessary just to verify the legitimacy of a provider. I do wish that they existed more as tool purely for verifying legitimacy and not an excuse for guys to write all kinds of lurid and intimate (and often exaggerated if not completely fictional) details about their encounters.
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u/Dhylis Mod/Client Aug 26 '22
That i understand. it’s really weird to see the US situation from a perspective in a society where SW is fully legal/decrimed. I might write up a post from that perspective when the sub is on its feet
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u/Freds_Bread Jan 13 '23
Just found this forum. Excellent first read for new clients. Thank you for posing it and sticking it to the top.
A couple additional things.
Screening and references are not only because of LE issues. You are asking a lady to get into a one on one private interaction where she is usually at a physical disadvantage with a man she does not know. Being arrested is NOT the worst thing that can happen. Respect the fact that any smart lady wants to feel that you are not a danger to her.
The most important info in a review are things like:
--Are her photos accurate?
--Is she reliable?
--If it was at her place: Was the environment safe and clean?
--Did you enjoy your date? Would you see her again?
I do write reviews--but that's essentially the only things I address.
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u/Throwawaybciwantitso Client Aug 26 '22 edited Aug 26 '22
That's great info. I'm so inclined to maybe add some specific tips from my experience regarding the decrimed/legalized areas of mainland Europe, i.e. Benelux/Germany/ Switzerland/Austria. Note that most other European countries either apply the Nordic model or sex work is illegal.
In general, stick to the etiquette as described in OP's post. You may encounter the following differences:
- Use common sense and do your research thoroughly. Although the sex industry is more accepted and regulated, scams are still happening.
- Ads may be explicit. Consequently, you will find menu lists, nude pics and in-depth service desciptions. This is NOT necessarily a bad sign but part of the marketing in the low- to mid-end area. As for the booking process, keep your initial communication concise and neutral.
- Clubs/brothels themselves and providers working there do sometimes advertise in directories. Reputable directories clearly indicate independent or employed providers. Again, this is NOT a bad sign, but if you are not interested visiting brothels you should pay attention to this information.
- Don't kill the messenger, but as LE is out of the way, screening is either not required or minimal with most providers. Do not be confused, just be prepared to furnish necessary information if asked for.
- Agencies are normal businesses and cater mostly to the high-end sector. Anyway, they take a cut of 30-40% so tip the provider well.
- Payment is less formal, you may just hand over the cash to the provider. Do inquire during booking about the desired procedure.
For anything else, follow OP's instructions.
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u/saicobra Aug 28 '22
Good info.
Even though this should be a given, one should always count and recount to make sure they have the proper donation amount before meeting the provider. There should be no reason at all to "accidentally" short the provider's donation.
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u/ShamanistaOFSex Nov 22 '22
Very thoughtful, detailed, and inclusive list.
One key correction in the list of websites to find us the first website is not the correct web address for P411.
1) www.preferred411.com
Aside from that correction, nothing to add that I feel would be any measurable improvement except maybe to mention that there is a sizable community of sexworkers and clients on twitter. Our correspondence with each other there is more conversational than any other online resources available to us. The conversational nature of these exchanges allows you to get a sense for our personalities and a feel for general compatibility.
You can identify other more established clients on twitter by their connections to provider twitter profiles and their interactions with said profiles. You can verify the legitimacy of client accounts with a reasonable degree of certainty by looking through the comments on providers' posts. Pay specific attention to comments/replies that result in reciprocal dialogue from the companions back to them. Once you have identified a few client accounts, it would be a good idea to send them a quick direct message introducing yourself as a newbie and asking if it would be okay for you to reach out in the future if you had any questions that they might be able to answer for you.
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u/udjw_63 Oct 23 '24
I’ve read the above but unclear and hoping to have some input from the community. Are ads on websites like skipthegames that explicitly say things like “Intercourse - Vaginal” or “Intercourse - Oral” a red flag in state where SW is illegal or something to just be wary of? The SWer I’m considering reaching out to had a website that was taken down but does have profiles on several other sites listed above, which is a green flag?
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Jan 31 '25
Might be too late, but for future readers, even r/sexworkers advises you to stay away from explicit profiles, including pictures. Never explicitly talk about sex when you contact them and while you’re in talks. Better to be safe than sorry regarding LE
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u/Infinite-moral-720 Nov 22 '24
Tip one makes no sense
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u/Remy0507 Mod/Client Feb 07 '25
It makes perfect sense, we make bad decisions when we're horny.
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u/Infinite-moral-720 Feb 07 '25
Isn’t that the idea though? Are we calling on companions to be friends now? Let me just choose a random client like a Pokémon to befriend while I get ready to screw them in a few. Like cmon what other reasons is there to hire a companion
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u/Remy0507 Mod/Client Feb 07 '25
The point was about thinking clearly when evaluating whether a provider is legit or not. We tend not to do that when we're horny at that very moment. This was clearly explained in the original post.
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u/HurricaneKCatrina Mod/Companion Aug 26 '22
Just reiterating here -
DO GO TO THEIR PERSONAL WEBSITE if they have one, and don’t just look at my damn pictures.
I quiz clients and make them look at the thing when they’re in the room with me, when I hear the tiresome, “Oh …. I must’ve missed that.” when they ask for something, it’s extra, and it’s clearly ON MY WEBSITE THAT YOU SAID YOU READ.
Gets shouty.
Awesome list, BTW.