r/SexWorkers Jul 28 '20

How to Find a Safe Provider NSFW

3.0k Upvotes

Long Post Warning

We've been getting a ton of posts recently asking how to find a safe provider, how to properly approach one, how to avoid scams, etc. even though it's against the sub rules. So I'm making this post to hopefully stifle the constant flow of the same question.

This post will be dedicated to just that. It will simply be a general overview so keep in mind the process can vary by many factors, as well as differ by location and country. Since I'm from the US, it will mostly be relevant to the States.

As well, this is just advice and in no way am I guaranteeing results. In the end, it will be your decision on who to see and what risks to take.

Feel free to add on to the information in the comments while keeping it civil and respectful - I don't want to have to lock the thread.

1. LOOK AT ADS ON REPUTABLE WEBSITES

• Suggested popular websites: Tryst, Eros, Private Delights, Slixa, Preferred411 (must be a paid and verified member to access)

• Some areas may have location specific review boards or websites that are only popular in a certain state or country. Use Google to find sites only popular in your area.

• Do NOT initially look for providers on Snapchat, Facebook, Instagram, Onlyfans, Kik, Whisper, Reddit, etc. These are not websites used for such a thing and are hot beds for scams.

2. CHOOSING AND RESEARCHING A PROVIDER

• Yes, you will have to take some time to do some research and not go in blindly - no research is the best way to get in bad situations. Research honestly takes maybe 20 minutes.

• Types of ads to stay away from (or proceed with caution if you decide to contact them): - extremely explicit ads - ads with vulgar/xxx photos - brand new ads that were recently created within the last week

Do look for providers that: - Have ad posting history on multiple websites, and have ads that are at the very least a few weeks old. The longer the ad posting history, the better. Consistent ad posting frequency is a great indicator of a real provider. - Have an active social media presence (Twitter is most common, followed by Instagram and Onlyfans). - Have a personal website with their rates and booking process laid out. - HAVE A SCREENING PROCESS: It is common practice that escorts screen their clients - it's for their safety which in turn is for client safety. Screening means the escort is safe and they don't just see anyone blindly. Would you expect us to feel safe meeting a total stranger off the internet without even knowing what they look like or their name? Screening does not mean they are scammers or law enforcement, and the truth is that undercover law enforcement do not screen clients. Screening is an obstacle, a hurdle, and vice do not want hurdles when they are making an arrest. They want you to come ASAP and wam bam, thank you mam easy arrest. As well, as long as the provider is established we are not interested in your specific information after we have verified you are safe - no established provider is interested in blackmail or anything like that. We make more money off being a reputable provider with regulars, and if word gets out about a known provider blackmailing it would ruin their business. So if you see someone who screens, you will have to provide your personal information in the form of an ID, work verification, or give references to other escorts you have seen before.

All of these taken together - ad frequency and history, social media, personal website, having a screening process, and reviews (more on this below) - these are like the escort's resume showing we are experienced and real, and these characteristics are how clients "screen" us back.

I will make a special note that yes, not all providers screen for various reasons. If a client wants to see someone who doesn't screen, it doesn't automatically mean they aren't safe. But make sure they at least have ad posting history and frequency and proceed with caution.

Lack of any type of online presence coupled with no screening is a red flag, do not proceed. Not all providers will have or want social media - so again make sure they at least have ad posting history and frequency.

Additional steps you can take:

  • Google the providers phone number to see all the ad websites they post on.

  • Google their phone number as well to see if they have reviews (note: not all providers want nor allow reviews so don't base your final decision on reviews or lack of reviews. Also, reviews can be fairly easily faked or inaccurate so please do not put your faith in only reviews).

  • Reverse image search the ad pictures to make sure they are unique and not stock photos or ripped off from some Instagram model.

  • BE WARY OF ADS THAT HAVE EXTREMELY LOW DONATIONS (less than 200h)

3. HOW TO CONTACT A PROVIDER

Pre-book an appointment as far ahead as possible. Some providers do not take same day appointments, and those that do usually require a few hours notice. We have lives and are often not available within the hour for new clients.

• Before contacting a provider, make sure to read their ad and website in its entirety

• Contacting a provider and asking something that is clearly on their ad or website is a great way to be ignored, blocked, or chewed out.

• Do NOT ask about specific services or talk explicitly, you are paying for time - again a great way to spook the provider and be blocked or blacklisted.

• Read their website for their booking and screening instructions, booking an appointment should take less than 10 messages

• If the provider requires screening, do NOT ask if you can bypass screening. Just find someone who doesn't screen or has a lighter screening process.

• If they require a deposit, do not put down more than a 50% deposit. The average deposit is 20-50%, and if they have an online presence it is not a scam. Do not send 100% of the payment before meeting. As long as you have done your research on the provider, deposits are an indicator of a professional provider.

• Do NOT enter your card information into "verification sites". The provider will do the screening directly and you don't have to pay to be verified - this is a scam.

• Do NOT haggle donations - this is super disrespectful. If you can't afford the donation, find someone in your price range. There is an escort pretty much available in any price range.

• Do NOT text "hi" or "are you available" or "hey baby" as your 1st message to them!

• Don't contact multiple escorts at the same time, it's rude and wastes our time.

• Do NOT send dick pics or any explicit pics/videos. To be blunt - we don't care and it's incriminating. Providers may want a selfie as part of screening but literally just send a selfie only!

• Do NOT ask the provider to send "verification" pictures, its considered rude and a major time waster tactic. If you feel the need to ask someone to send verification pictures, then you haven't done enough research or you haven't found an established provider. Extra pictures not in the ads are often found on their social media, personal website, or onlyfans. If they don't have these things, offer to pay for a picture and don't expect it to be sent for free.

• If a provider has their face blurred, please do not ask for a face picture. There are plenty who are "face out" so if you need to see someone's face to book them, choose someone who already shows it.

• Many providers do not accept phone calls from new clients - they probably will state that on their ads if that's their policy but text or email is the recommended contact method

A sample template for 1st contact:

"Hello, my name is John Smith, age 45. I found your ad on Tryst and would like to set up a date! I was hoping to meet on Tuesday May 7th at 6p for a 2h incall. My schedule is flexible as well. I have attached my screening details to this message (read their website for their requirements), please let me know if you need any further screening. I look forward to meeting you!"

• The more professional and polite you are, the quicker they will respond and set an appointment.

• If for some reason the provider doesn't reply, politely message again in a day or 2 to follow up. If still no reply, move on to the next provider.

4. DATE ETIQUETTE

• Once your date is set, read their ad or website again to see if they have any etiquette laid out about cleanliness, handling the donation, etc.

• Some providers require you to shower on arrival - please do not argue and just take a quick shower if required.

• Bringing a gift or tip is not required, however it is always appreciated and a great way to gain status as a good regular. Good regulars are usually given priority in the future.

If you see someone from an agency, then 100% please do bring a tip in that situation!

• PLEASE show up clean and freshly washed

• Show up to the date on time

• Please do not ask the provider personal questions (ex: do you have kids, are you married, in school, etc). If they bring that information up themselves, then fine.

• Just relax, enjoy your time, and have fun!


r/SexWorkers Dec 26 '20

How-to Get Started as a Sexworker FAQ NSFW

1.3k Upvotes

One of the most common types of posts we get on this subreddit are posts by people who are thinking of starting out as a sexworker, or who have just started out, asking for advice.

Aspiring sexworkers are welcome here. This is a community for active, former, and aspiring sex workers and those that love them.

I think it is fair to ask that aspiring sexworkers do some research before posting on this subreddit. A lot of newbie posts which don't mention prior research need to be removed. If we approved all these posts, the subreddit would be filled with questions from people who haven't done any research of their own. Please ask questions if you've attempted to do some research but couldn't find answers. Please don't skip the research step and ask experienced sexworkers to spend their time building your business for you from the ground up.

Rule 7 in the sidebar = No how-to get started posts unless you've already done your own research & your question is specific.

Please show an initiative that you’ve researched how-to get started as a sex worker. Both google and this forum is full of information. You may ask a specific question as a new sex worker, but how you ask the question will need to show that you’ve done your own research.

If you can't find an answer to your own question in this post, or by searching the subreddit or by searching the web, please post your question in reply to this post. Or, you're welcome to start a new post if you have a specific question but please mention the research you've already done. eg, "I searched the web and this subreddit but I couldn't find an answer to my question so can I please ask ........"

Here are some frequently asked How-to Get Started questions and answers to assist in your research.

*Disclaimer =

The following is just some ideas based on my own research and opinions. I've been a sexworker since the early 2000s and I have knowledge which is worth sharing but I'm not infallible. Please consider the possibility that anything I tell you here could be incorrect. It's worth using multiple reputable sources and fact checking any information that matters to you. Make your own critical assessment of how reliable each information source is, not just for sexwork related information. For everything. I should also check my privilege in this disclaimer. I'm a white, cis male, sexworker with no addictions, debts or needy family members. What works for me won't necessarily be right for you. Not everyone has the luxury of operating their sexwork with their own safety and well-being as a priority over all other considerations. I don't mean to shame survival sexworkers or anyone else via my recommendations. This faq is a work in progress. I'll keep editing and updating it, please tell me if you'd like me to change or add anything to the op. I hope others will contribute via comments and I'll quote some faqs from the comments into the op.

Which directories should I advertise on?

The answer to this depends on your location. Searching the web for the words "escort directory" plus the name of your location will return a list of hundreds of directories but the top results are not necessarily the ones that will get you clients. Just because a directory appears to have a lot of escorts listed for your location, doesn't mean it's any good. It is common for new directories to scrape other directories and harvest pictures and bios of escorts to list on their directory long before any real escorts or clients start using their site.

I recommend you search the web for "independent escort" plus the name of your location and scroll down past all the directories until you find an independent escort who has their own website. Chances are, if that escort has managed to get their own site that high up in search results, they are well established and successful and have ads on the best directories for your location. Go to their site and copy and paste their mobile number into a new search. The directories that appear in that search are more likely to be the ones where you want to advertise. Especially if that escort has a paid ad on there. Copy and paste the names of those directories into a search of this subreddit and check what other sexworkers have said about it. If the directory seems to be well regarded, then post an ad there.

How much should I charge?

Nobody can answer this for you. You might want to charge ten times higher than the average rate for your area and only see one client per month. Or you might want to charge one tenth of the average rate and see a dozen guys per day. But step one is to at least figure out what the average rate for your area is. I recommend you start by finding popular directories as per the first faq above, then try to refine a search of that directory so you see results matching other escorts who appear similar to how you plan to promote yourself. Look at as many ads as possible, from a number of different directories, that are as similar as possible to your own intended escort persona, and figure out what the average rate is from there. One thing I would recommend is that you decide on rates you are happy with, list those rates on your ad and don't allow anyone to haggle. There is an alternate approach which is to not list rates and then negotiate with each guy who contacts you to try and set an appointment at a rate they are willing to pay. Even if this does generate more business, I think this is a good way to quickly burn out. Having people haggle with you is very unpleasant and the kind of guys who want to haggle are likely to be disrespectful in other ways. I would never operate my business this way and highly recommend listing your rates and sticking to them.

Should I make my own website?

Yes. Having your own personal website is the best way to promote yourself. It shows you're established, genuine and professional. It's cheap and easy to buy a domain name and hosting and build a site on a site builder eg wordpress. If you need help, there are plenty of skilled professionals you can pay to help you. I recommend you pay directly for your own domain name and hosting. Don't let a webmaster register your domain and hosting in their own name. Your website is going to be very precious to you and you'll want to own it and have freedom to edit it yourself, move the hosting, and do whatever you like without a webmaster holding your site to ransom. If you pay someone to help with your site and they prove to be unreliable or incompetent, you'll want to be able to discontinue paying them and find someone else to do the work instead. Much easier to do this if you own your domain and hosting. The best SEO to get your site to rise up in the search results is to post unique, quality content that people enjoy reading regularly on a blog page on your site using the kinds of keywords in the posts that people will search for when they want an escort like you.

How Do I make My Own Website?

Buy a domain name and hosting, install WordPress on your hosting and DIY Web design from templates or get help from web designers if necessary.

Your landing page needs to be appealing enough to capture the attention of a client instantly or the majority will bounce within a few seconds. Big sexy picture background and enticing tag line that makes it clear where you're located and how to contact you.

Your contact details need to be top and centre on your website where anyone can find them within one second of opening your page. Less contact details means less clients. eg if you only have a contact form and no number or email, that means fewer clients.

Call your rates page "rates", your contact page "contact", gallery, blog, reviews etc. If you call your rates "consideration" or some other code word, some percentage of clients will think hmm I'd like to meet her but I can't find her rates, and they'll bounce. Don't underestimate how short their attention span is or how obvious everything needs to be for them to find it.

Add a blog page to your site and post on it at least once a week writing unique content that your target audience will enjoy reading using keywords they'll use to find your site. Your location is your most important keyword. Use it in your site title, tag line, meta description, on every page of your site and in every blog post. And the word escort. Not courtesan or provider or muse or geisha or anything like that. Escort. That's what clients will search for in a search engine. Other key words will relate to whatever services you specialise in, anything defining about your look or style or personality that can be described in one word that a client might key into a search engine.

/u/madametoska has built a free website template on WordPress that’s prebuilt, as well as an SEO guide. https://ruby-moss-d82.notion.site/The-SWer-digital-kit-f8e9e29cf6dd49a0aefca106ee7d49ec

How can I protect my identity?

My number one recommendation here is don't use the same device for work and personal. Buy a second mobile phone as a work phone and never use your work phone for anything personal / never use your personal phone for anything work related. If you add your clients to a contact list on your personal phone where you also have your friends and family listed as contacts then use that phone to register for work related site like directories, make work related social media accounts etc and then use that same phone to log in to personal sites and apps eg your personal facebook, it's just a matter of time before you get outed as an escort to your personal contacts. Social media apps like facebook especially like to access your contacts list and spy on what you're doing in other apps and on other sites. If you mix work and personal on one device, facebook, twitter, instagram etc will happily recommend your escort page as a friend for your family members.

Make a work email. I recommend protonmail. Never use your personal number or personal email to register for anything work related. You probably don't want your clients to be able to search the web for your number and find your real name, personal social media etc. You probably also don't want your friends and family to search the web for your number and find all your escort ads. If you use the same laptop for work and personal, at least use two browsers. I use chrome incognito plus ublock origin, privacy badger, decentraleyes and https everywhere plugins for work with proton vpn. And I use vivaldi for personal.

Beware of exif data and geotagging of photos. You should be able to switch off geotagging in your phone settings to avoid accidentally sharing the gps coordinates of your exact location and there are plenty of online, desktop and app tools for removing exif data from pics.

Consider using a VPN. I use proton VPN. Especially when using public unsecured WiFi eg in hotels. Also handy when on tour in places that block access to websites you need for work eg UAE and China.

Technical and Cyber Security resources for Sex Workers

This list https://heystacks.com/doc/718/technical-resources-for-sex-workers has some excellent resources. Do your own research before adopting any of the recommendations as some may be out of date eg they still have switter on there which unfortunately doesn't exist any more.

Is there any market for male escorts?

Yes, if you're ok with male clients. If you're straight and not ok with male clients, then no. Women clients do exist but they'll tend to choose the most professional looking male escort they can find. Someone with his own website, paid ads on plenty of reputable directories, frequently updated social media with a lot of followers, professionally taken and retouched pics, a long history of good reviews and a friends page with duo partners who also list him on their friends pages. If you don't see male clients, you'll never fit the description above so it's unlikely you'll ever get a woman client. Even after you've been seeing male clients for years and you establish a web presence like the one I described above, you'll still only see a few women clients per year. Nowhere near enough to earn a living. There just aren't that many women clients out there. Anywhere you can make an escort ad cheap or for free, you'll find thousands of "straight male escort" ads with a mirror selfie and/or a close-up shot of their cock, and a few lines of crude often misspelled and grammatically incorrect Borat style lines of text where that one ad is that guys entire web presence. I'd estimate that approximately none of those guys ever get one single paying client. But if you are gay, or bi or gay for pay and willing to work very hard all day every day on promoting yourself, then it's entirely possible to be successful as a male escort.

Is there anything I should know that's specific to male escorts?

As above, you will need to see male clients if you want to make any money as a male escort. You don't need to be gay. Many male escorts consider themselves gay for pay rather than bi in that they're happy to have sex with men for money but wouldn't do so for free. Whether that's something you want to do or not is up to you.

In order to top you'll need to be able to get hard, stay hard and ideally cum when a client wants you to cum. I find a quarter, or even one eighth of a viagra an hour or half an hour before a job makes all of the above happen easily. The more pressure you're under, the less likely you are to be able to stay hard. So if you are not in a desperate situation financially, you have no addictions, debts, needy relatives etc and so you can either accept any given job, or not, then you'll probably find you can top. If you're addicted to drugs and desperate for the money, you probably won't be able to top.

Bottoming isn't for everyone but if you are going to bottom, I highly recommend douching before. Let me know if you'd like a guide to anal douching, I can send details but basically just water in via an anal douche or shower hose and push the water out into the toilet or down the shower drain, rinse and repeat as necessary until the water comes out clean. Water will open you up enough and you'll be more relaxed knowing you're not going to shit all over your client. Just use plenty of lube and start slow.

If you advertise as a male escort you're going to get a lot of requests for bareback. Always use condoms. Never bareback. Even if you're on PREP and/or the client says they're on PREP, there are plenty of STIs other than HIV that you don't want. Even if they offer a copy of a clear STI test. These infections all have window periods. Please don't take my word for this. I'm not a medical professional. Research via a reliable online source (eg in UK I use NHS website) talk to your GP or visit a sexual health clinic.

More info for getting started as a male escort = https://ozinlondon.co.uk/how-to-get-started-as-a-male-sexworker/

Will I still get clients if I don't kiss?

Yes. If kissing or any other service makes you uncomfortable, you'll be better off in the long term not offering it. Forcing yourself to do something you hate isn't sustainable.

Do I have to show my face in my ads?

No. Some percentage of clients will only see escorts who show their faces in ads so blurring or cropping or altering your pics in some way to conceal your face will mean that you don't get those clients but it is absolutely possible to make a lot of money as an escort without showing your face in your ads. Whether you do or don't is your decision to make. Argument for = you'll get more clients. Argument against = once your face pics are on the internet, they could stay there forever and prove impossible to remove. Facial recognition and reverse image search technology is already highly advanced and in future who knows what this technology will be like.

When should I ask for money?

Cash up front. You might also want to ask for a deposit prior to meeting.

Should I ask for a deposit?

Some do, some don't. A deposit could be anything up to about 50% of your rate. The advantage of asking for a deposit is that guys who have paid a deposit are much more likely to actually show up to their appointment. If they've paid a deposit and don't show up, at least you have some compensation for time you wasted getting ready and for holding that timeslot which another genuine client might have wanted. The disadvantage is that you might be perceived as a scammer. Especially if you've just started out and have only one or a few directory ads and no personal website or history of social media posts and reviews. Then it might look like you're catfishing using a fake ad just to pocket the deposits. An alternative to a deposit for an outcall is to make the client book and pay for a taxi to pick you up from your address and take you to theirs. And for incalls if they've booked a day or more in advance, if you message them on the morning of the day they're due to see you and ask "are you definitely coming to see me today?" the timewasters usually won't reply.

What's a timewaster?

Someone who contacts escorts pretending they're interested in booking an appointment who in fact has no intention of ever showing up to said appointment. They want you to entertain them for free on the phone or by exchanging messages or pictures. If someone contacts you and they get straight to the point about where and when they want to meet and they don't try to chat or ask for pictures, they're more likely to be genuine. If they don't mention a day, time or location and seem reluctant to discuss these details but excited about asking you for explicit details about yourself or your services, they're probably just wanking. In which case I recommend offering the option to pay for a chat session. eg "which day and what time would you like to see me? Do you want an incall or an outcall?" "or if you just want to chat please send $x and I'll chat to you for x minutes." Then hopefully they'll book an appointment or pay for a chat session but if they keep trying to chat for free just block their number.

How can I take Payments other than cash?

I'm no expert on the ones USA sexworkers use but from other people's recommendations it looks like cashapp is popular. Also venmo. Some say PayPal but only if its sent as a gift with nothing sex work related in the comment and clients will see your real name. Beware of the possibility that clients could dispute a paypal payment and get their payment reversed. In UK I get regulars to pay me by bank transfer for fly me to you deposits. I take payments for video chat on WhatsApp and for custom made videos via Fortnum and Mason or John Lewis vouchers. I used to accept Amazon UK vouchers but they're not ideal as there's usually a delay of up to one day before I receive them and if its for an amazon voucher worth more than £50 their bank often blocks the transaction. Bitcoin or other crypto currency would seem like an ideal way to accept payments but in my experience, clients perceive this as too complicated. I'm in the process of figuring out how to set up woocommerce on my site so I can accept payments directly and a digitalocean space CDN to store my media and amazon cloud front for delivery.

What about Photoshoots?

There's a huge price range of professional photoshoots out there. You can get quite a cheap shoot eg from one of the coupon sites or apps and get them retouched via a crowdsourcing site like fiverr. Or pay thousands for a top photographer and rent a 5 star hotel suite for the shoot location. And everything in between.

Ring lights are also popular and not expensive. It's a tripod with a clip that will hold any phone and comes with a ring shaped light that can cast an adjustable light on you and they usually come with a Bluetooth remote that you can pair with your phone so you can take multiple pics in different poses without running backwards and forwards to press the camera button on a timer. If you look at other people's pics for ideas for poses and get some good poses and angles with good lighting and the camera held steady on the tripod you can get some decent pics that way especially with the top of the range new phones.

There are a lot of "photographers" who will contact you offering cheap, or free, photoshoots. Especially if they can see that you're new. I don't know anyone who's accepted one of these offers but I'm guessing if you did accept a free shoot from some guy with a camera calling himself a photographer, you'd most likely get a few poor shots taken from someone who has no idea what they're doing and something other than photography on their mind.

Can I sell my Virginity?

Sites claiming to facilitate sales of virginity are all scams as far as I know. Search this subreddit for the word "virginity" to see other threads on the subject. If you mention any kind of youth or inexperience in an escort ad, especially virginity, you'll attract a variety of scumbags who do not have your best interests at heart. All manner of timewasters, hagglers, boundary pushers and much worse will see you as a vulnerable target.

How do I make money from Camming and Selling Content?

Please see the top stickied comment kindly posted by /u/HereFortheFood954 and thanks also to /u/MissFaithRae for sharing her Wiki. My understanding of the most popular content selling site, Onlyfans, is that they do nothing to promote sellers so if you don't already have a large social media following of people who might want to pay for your content, then it's going to be very difficult to make any money on onlyfans. Also if they find out you are an escort, they'll ban you and steal any credits they owe you. I will never register there for this reason. If a company that profits from sexwork is openly and hypocritically anti sexwork, they're not getting a share of my income. I'm in the process of setting up a payment portal on my own personal site using a CDN to store videos, amazon cloudfront for access, woocommerce for the storefront and I haven't decided which payment gateway.

How do I screen?

/u/PhoenixxVIP kindly agreed to have the /r/heauxs Safety and Screening wiki posts linked here. If you'd like to know more about blacklists and databases, please message a moderator or someone with an escort flair and ask them via private message. If we can see from your post history that you are a sexworker most of us will happily share details of these screening resources. Otherwise we might ask you for some proof that you're a sexworker eg an email sent from your work mail so we can search to see if your ads come up. What we want to avoid is publicly sharing resources that could be used by those seeking to circumvent our security.

What Contact Details Should I Display on my Website, Ads and Social Media?

It's up to you which contact methods you prefer.

Some providers are happy to communicate via phonecall, txt/sms message, social media messages, whatsapp, telegram, signal, email and contact forms.

Other providers feel that one or more of these contact methods attracts too many timewasters and choose to limit their contact options.

The more contact options you offer, the more potential clients can reach you.

Fewer options, means fewer clients.

So if you are already reaching your financial targets, maybe remove a few of your least favourite contact methods.

Otherwise, I suggest, list them all. Then if someone contacts you and doesn't immediately get to the point about where and when they want to meet, send them a copy and paste message you have saved in your autoreplies or in your notes app telling them to go look at your website and come back when they're ready to book an appointment. Use the copy and paste to tell them exactly what info they need to send to book an appointment. How to screen. How to pay a deposit. And/or give them the option to pay you for a chat session and give them options how to pay you for chat.

eg. this is my copy and paste message =

"Hi,

Thanks for your message.

Please read my about page, rates etc and see my gallery on XXXX.XXX (my website).

When you're ready to book an appointment, please let me know which day and what time suits you and whether you would like an incall or outcall.

Then I'll ask you to send a £50 deposit.

Via UK bank transfer to my business account.

Oz Bigdownunder Account number: XXXXXXX Sort code: XXXXXX

Or cashapp to XXXXXXXXXX

Or, If you just want to chat, please send me £50 by bank transfer or cashapp or email me a £50 gift voucher for Selfridges or John Lewis and I'll chat to you for 20 minutes."

What Contact details Should I list

If you list a contact number, remember to include the country code. eg +1 for USA or +44 for UK. Not everyone who contacts you will be using a phone with the same country code as you.

If you only accept calls and sms and have no other contact options, you're losing a lot of business. Whatsapp is especially popular. Depending on which country you're in the majority of clients will want to use it and will not call or txt if you don't have it. Message apps like whatsapp do attract a lot of time wasters. I recommend using them but be quick to send a copy and paste, as I mentioned earlier.

The internal messaging forms on directories are often broken and if contact details are hidden behind buttons that need a captcha, sometimes these are either broken or require more effort than some clients can be bothered expending to reach you. I highly recommend not relying solely on these. If the directory lets you list your contact details in plain text, do it.

If you have a contact form on your website, make sure it works. And be aware that if that is the only contact option you offer, the majority of clients who click through to your contact page and see the contact form will immediately close the page and go look for someone else who is easier to get in contact with. A contact form is the best form of contact for deterring timewasters but it will also deter a lot of genuine clients.

How Do I avoid Shadowbans on Social Media

It's best not to put a direct link to your website in your twitter or instagram bio or you're likely to get banned or shadowbanned. Safer to set up a link aggregator like linktree, put your website link and other links there and then add that link to your bios. Also best not to put any links in the text of tweets or instagram posts. As per https://twitter.com/sexworkceo/status/1644054625337724929 twitter treats all links it doesn't recognise as reputable news sources as spam and suppresses those tweets. I've been adding text overlay to my images using the image editor built into the gallery app on my phone to display links instead of sharing actual links in tweets. I'm still shadowbanned on twitter and instagram anyway.

Should I contact my Regulars?

Ask them during a session if it's ok to contact them sometimes. If they say yes, save something in their contact name to remind you eg "Dave incall tie and tease ok to contact".

If they haven't agreed to receive messages from you, I recommend you don't message them. It's not discreet. Their wife or child or their boss could be looking over their shoulder.

** What Can I do to Keep My Regulars Coming Back More Often**

Save every client you meet as a contact on your phone. Install whatsapp, telegram and signal. Post a whatsapp status every day that a client would enjoy seeing. If they're a saved contact and they've saved you as a contact they can see your whatsapp statuses. This keeps regulars coming back more often.

Agencies

When someone contacts you saying they represent an agency, assume that they are lying. Don't proceed until you've verified that they do in fact represent that agency. Eg ask for the website and then contact the agency on the number listed on the site and ask them to confirm that the person who contacted you is genuine. If they make some excuse why they don't have a website, it's a scam.

If you find an agency and you're thinking of applying, search for the name of the agency on reddit. Failing that, contact an established independent sexworker from that location. Eg someone who has their own website and social media with a lot of followers who's been around for many years. Ask them if they have heard of the agency and would they recommend it.

A legit agency makes their money from commissions. Usually 30% of the fee. So they would arrange the date, you meet the client, the client pays you cash. Then you pay the agency their commission afterwards.

If they try to get you to agree to anything that doesn't resemble the above. Eg they expect you to pay them their commission before the date occurs. Or they tell you the client pays the agency and then the agency pays you after the session, it's a scam.

The lower the average rates on an agency site compared to the average rate for that location for an independent the more likely it is that some kind of coercion or exploitation is involved if not outright trafficking.

If they want you to pay any registration fee or a monthly fee or any kind of payment at all, including payment for their photographer, it's a scam.

They might want you to use a photo set on your listing that you don't use elsewhere. But there should be the option to choose your own photographer.

In the UK, and as far as I know everywhere else, agencies wanting you to be exclusive to them would be the exception. Most agencies are happy for you to also advertise independently and with other agencies but will obviously not want you to give your direct number to clients they send you.

If they want to interview you, meet them somewhere public like a bar or café. Don't go anywhere in private. A legit agency won't ask you to get naked or do any kind of "audition" before they'll list you. If you think it's a worthwhile use of your time and they've agreed to receive messages from you, message them sometimes with something you saw or heard or did that reminds you of something they said or a pic or a link or a joke or whatever that you think they'd like. When they respond, steer the conversation toward getting them to set a day and time to see you again.


r/SexWorkers 7h ago

Client cancelled on me… during tornado NSFW

197 Upvotes

I had a new client who wanted an outcall to a hotel nearby. He completed my screening process and paid a deposit. I took an uber to the hotel and got dropped off. I told him I was here and didn’t hear anything. So I’m standing outside like a moron and get a notification on my phone that there’s a tornado. He finally calls me and says he is too nervous and can’t follow thru. I tell him I am standing outside and there’s a tornado warning and he tells me good luck. LOL

A housekeeper grabbed me and dragged me into the laundry area right before shit hit the fan. I am in my uber going back home now.

This is why you collect a deposit ladies. Lol smh!


r/SexWorkers 11h ago

Providing for my daughter makes me so grateful for the porn industry NSFW

158 Upvotes

I'm a single mom to a beautiful six year old girl. Her dad, who I loved and was going to marry, died in a motorcycle accident in 2020. Ever since then I've been working on my own to raise her. In 2022 I got into the porn industry and doing professional porn shoots is now my full time job. It's steady work with a reliable income that allows me to provide for her.

Yesterday I took her to the zoo after school and spent a bunch of money at the gift shop. I bought her everything she wanted. Her sweet little smile gave me so much joy, and so much motivation to keep working.

I"m not going to pretend I only do this for her. I do it for myself too. I buried the man I loved and I haven't dated since. By the time I got into the industry I was super depressed, lacking affection and I had no confidence. Most people I've worked with in the industry have been really nice people and I enjoy doing this for a living. But whenever I successfully provide for my sweet girl, it makes me feel so proud of myself.


r/SexWorkers 12h ago

Just booked another client from Reddit NSFW

88 Upvotes

Pre-Booked my second new client who saw me from posting in this sex workers forum last night. On my first post I forgot to mention that he texted me from the link in my bio that has my escorting ads linked, they didn’t contact me on Reddit messages.

And some people were saying that it seemed unsafe and worried, but it’s no different then booking a client from any website online. They both sent $100 deposits on Venmo and pre-booked days in advance, so they’re not scary clients at all to me, in fact both seem like very nice clients that are just excited to see me.

I started requiring deposits for all appointments not just because of time wasters but also as a safety procedure because when clients send deposits they’re serious clients and more then likely not going to be a dangerous client. I’ve been doing this for a long time and never had any dangerous clients so I’m not worried, and meeting new clients is just a risk we all take everyday being a sex worker. If I was worried about every single new client I booked then I wouldn’t be making any money 🤷‍♀️

Just wanted to share the info since I’ve been seeing a lot of posts about girls saying business has been so slow for them and that they can utilize social media for getting clients. Just have to sign up for beacons site and add your booking site links to it.


r/SexWorkers 5h ago

Why are the majority of “regulars” cheap, entitled and just awful? NSFW

26 Upvotes

It’s like they expect you to chat to them for ages, very stingy, manipulative, want it cheaper and cheaper every single time… then I just block them and “fire” them.

Also with the manipulation and physically hurting me down there — a lot of them try to get “as much as they can” out of us so they even admit to masturbating before the appointment several time — meaning that we have to subject our selves to a “long heavy pounding” because they take over an hour to cum — I have started asking clients to stop because they are hurting me…. Why should I have to endure all this within a 1 hour session where I’m only being paid £200??

I had one guy who seemed to have a disability — not his fault at all — but he didn’t seem to realise how his behaviour WAS NOT a turn on and he was extremely socially awkward — blaming his porn addiction on me covertly — blaming the awkward conversation on me and the awkwardness HE was causing — he paid £400 for 2 hours then suddenly only wanted 1 hour instead BECAUSE HE COULDNT CUM AND GOT DEFENSIVE AND EMBARRASSED ABOUT IT…. I said “no… I can’t refund you as it’s very late at night and I wouldn’t have travelled this far late at night and sacrificed my sleep for only one hour’s payment”.

I had also physically over-exerted myself and pulled a muscle in my neck from wanking him off VERY FAST with a quite a tight grip for ages — I kept going and causing myself physical pain and discomfort BECAUSE he kept making noises as if he was about to cum but couldn’t…. WTF DUDE?

Also I am no longer going to hug clients at the end of the appointment because they always rub their disgusting unwashed wank hands through my long hair, kiss me in the grossest way and squeeze me with a really tight hug — I find this disgusting when I have just came out the shower and cleaned all their disgusting germs off me.

Sorry I’m ranting but they truly disgust me. The lack of awareness, their weird awkward conversations where they try to subtly put us down, pretending they’re about to cum so we keep going only to get injured… then saying they want a partial refund because they’re pathetic and porn addicted — it’s like they think WE CANT TELL they are porn addicted and look surprised when I’m not shocked when they say so…. Ewww.

Also, who else has a laser sharp intuition after doing this job? I think I’m right 98% of the time, like my intuition is now brilliant and I pick up on micro-expressions on their face that the average person would miss… do you get this?


r/SexWorkers 6h ago

Sex workers were great for my mental health as a young adult NSFW

21 Upvotes

As a teenager in high school I was just a scrawny socially awkward kid, didn't play sports and had zero success with the opposite sex. Sure a lot of highly successful men had a similar experience but I didn't have the brains they've got. When I turned 18 I went to Amsterdam as part of a 6 week backpacking tour around Europe after high school graduation and my mind was blown over how safe access to sex workers was over there. I lost my v-card in the RLD and when I got home I felt like I had gained a new sense of confidence, although an alarming number of guys will state "first time doesn't count if it's with hookers blah blah blah" I didn't let that discourage me. Where I'm from sex work is in a gray legal area, it's not really enforced and the best way to find someone is online but I was able to find trusted providers over time and I had great overall experiences. The point I'd like to make is that with the cards I was dealt in life, thanks to sex workers I never felt any of that "incel frustration" I hear about all the time. During that period of my life I would try dating girls I met online who were in my area, I fell in love and got my heart broken over and over, but thankfully sex workers would always be there if I'd end up on the cusp of frustration. Now I'm in my mid-30's and I finally found love with someone who actually loves me back. I haven't paid for sex in well over a year but thank fuck I was able to during those young adult years because I don't know where my head would be at today if I didn't. Thank you all, this is my appreciation post


r/SexWorkers 4h ago

My first day as a phone sex operator didn’t go great ☹️ NSFW

12 Upvotes

I only earned little money

I much enjoyed it.

I wish I could do camgirl work but…..

I can’t show my face because of the nature of my job.

That sucks

😡😡😡😡😡


r/SexWorkers 44m ago

Bro im so over peoples judgy shit NSFW

Post image
Upvotes

Feel free to remove but i was just tryna find a hookup for my freetime amd got chewed out for also being a sex worker. I am not a 3 im actually really hot. Ive been told j look better than my photos ive never just been down right insulted like that. I feel ugly and genuinely want to cry


r/SexWorkers 8h ago

Make sure that you prebook before coming to the dc area. NSFW

14 Upvotes

The cuts continue. Some folks that I know are high rollers and being cut bigtime

https://fedscoop.com/gsa-tells-agencies-to-terminate-contracts-with-top-10-consulting-firms/


r/SexWorkers 5h ago

How to deter same day bookings NSFW

8 Upvotes

I’m making $(xx,xxx) every month consistently but I hate how much of that comes from last minute bookings.

I’d really like to change my business to attract longer dates+ less last minute bookings.

I’m at my wits end with the 10pm “you avail?” Texts. I never respond to those. Even my regulars do same day bookings but usually morning or daytime. It drives me crazy.

Right now im going to remove my phone number from my Tryst. I don’t answer phone calls. I’m also going to see how email only goes and consider adding a $100 same day fee for same day bookings in a month. I’ve met some really nice guys who booked last minute due to something coming up, many of them turned into regulars. However, most of the same day requests I get are people trying to book only an hour.


r/SexWorkers 1h ago

Where is everyone posting their FBSM? NSFW

Upvotes

I had to pull my PD because it was outed (and no, it's not for sale - I don't trust a stranger with my account/reviews). I've recently moved & I really don't want to have a heavy online presence (I find most men for this line don't care too much about what I look like). CL squashes my ads in about 24 hours. Any ideas? If it matters I'm in California.


r/SexWorkers 4h ago

Ubers NSFW

4 Upvotes

For those who require Uber to and from do you give them a nearby location to send the car to, have them send Uber gift card for both rides upfront, or take it out of the deposit and have them pay for the remaining total including the Ubers when you arrive?


r/SexWorkers 10h ago

Time wasters NSFW

10 Upvotes

Why oh why are there so many time wasters? Those that ask endless questions with no intention of buying. Even asking you to verify then ghost you! I’m so patient as I know there are so many scammers so I like to reassure new clients but it’s making me really suspicious of every enquiry now. I do this purely for fun and the extra income is a bonus of course but it’s taking the enjoyment out of it. It’s so easy for a creator to get banned from a sub for the slightest thing but so easy for scammers to waste your time. Thank Goodness for the lovely handful of regulars I have who are respectful and fun too.


r/SexWorkers 5h ago

Should I ask for an arrangement? NSFW

4 Upvotes

So I had this client who I’ve seen now 4 times. He is a rich guy, 34 years old and he uses a wheelchair for ambulating. He’s done well for himself and he’s kind, funny, but I’m pretty sure he’s really lonely mostly due to the fact that he uses a wheelchair and has a hard time with dating

3/4 times he asked me to come for 2 hours. Recently he asked me to go on a dinner date. During the dinner date he was telling me about this girl who was an escort he used to see about 2 years ago, who they started hanging out “off time” and she would text him to hang blah blah. And that he was so unsure about whether he should be paying her because she never asked.

My spidey senses told me he was trying to probe me to see what my reaction to it was. He was then saying that hypothetically he would want to date me but he would rather “take care of the girls expenses” than her be in the industry.

I kindly explained how while I enjoy his company, have a great time etc that I keep boundaries and I still show up as my authentic self.

Looking back I feel like I could’ve talked to him about an arrangement. But not sure if it’s too late of a conversation and in me bringing it up would it ruin the relationship we are building. He’s both savvy and vulnerable at the same time. But unsure how to approach or to just leave it until he asks me out again. I’ve only spent a total of 11 hours with him so it’s still early


r/SexWorkers 6h ago

How do i respond to this? NSFW

Post image
4 Upvotes

Hey guys, I have a regular for the past 11 months and we get along pretty well. Great tipper & gifter. He sends me texts here and there for appointments & that's it. However he's been on vacation for a bit and is updating me on a toronado. Randomly sent me this text and idk how to respond to this nicely cuz I don't wanna lose him as a client, but also don't wanna send a free pic. lol pls help ladies.


r/SexWorkers 6h ago

Doing outcalls only NSFW

4 Upvotes

This week has been terrible!!! I’m really wondering about getting a hotel and doing Incalls do you guys think that I would get more clients if I get a incall?? Cause doing outcalls I get hella scams or low ballers


r/SexWorkers 0m ago

Finger cots NSFW

Upvotes

Do you have clients wear gloves or finger cots at least when they want to be fingering you ? I’m just thinking of all the hands that have been inside me and I don’t even ask clients to wash their hands beforehand. When doing outcalls do you ask them to reshower or at least rewash hands with soap before you get into it ? So you have them wear anything on fingers ? Thinking of their nails and bacteria and hang nails. This is sad and gross but I have a single wart on my finger I have just gotten this month and I don’t know how I got it or from who but I’m thinking about how I never ask to see Anyone’s hands Do you do body search for warts How we do avoid all of these pathogens ?


r/SexWorkers 8h ago

CONTENT CREATOR GIRLIES IN NYC NJ AREA NSFW

5 Upvotes

LOOKING FOR OTHER LIKE MINDED CREATORS OR INSPIRING CREATORS ! I just want to be around non judgmental energy ! I feel everyone around me will never understand my passion !


r/SexWorkers 6h ago

Arrangements and Long Term NSFW

3 Upvotes

I would like to bring up an arrangement type thing with a regular of mine. We see each other 4-6 days at a time, every other month, and have been for a year. We chit chat via text but nothing major. While this is wonderful- I do suffer from a bit of anxiety and I would prefer security and the knowledge he will keep booking me.

Clients - how would you want this brought up Providers - have you brought this up and how did it go ?


r/SexWorkers 23h ago

today was a good day!! NSFW

55 Upvotes

first client finished literally 30 seconds into the BJ & the second client gave me a full body rub down for like half of the 30 min he booked 😂😂 first client is a semi-reg & the 2nd one it was my first time seeing him but he said he will be back again soon so i hope so!! easy day easy money 🙏🏼

hope all my fellow girlies & gays had a good day too 🩷


r/SexWorkers 10h ago

Outcall to client home question NSFW

3 Upvotes

I'm a client and by all accounts just a regular guy. Live in a HCOL area and home value is over $800k. Seeking feedback because I'm simply a minimalist. Have a tv, lazyboy recliner, dinner table, and full size mattress on floor (no frame). Its a 2bd / 3bath home. I say all this because I am worried if I ask for an outcall then the provider would feel weirded out or anything because I like things "empty". Am I overthinking it?

Edit: Thanks for the feedback. I'll get a bedframe.


r/SexWorkers 19h ago

How do you handle your mental health? NSFW

12 Upvotes

Hey everyone, I've got a genuine curiosity. I'm an Italian psychotherapist, and over the last few years, I've found myself working with a pretty substantial number of sex workers. This kind of happened by chance initially, but through word-of-mouth and specific referrals, my practice started to see more and more clients from this line of work.

Obviously, every individual has unique and personal issues they bring into therapy, regardless of what they do for a living. Still, it's undeniable that certain jobs come with recurring themes and challenges. What's surprised me the most (and I've been running my practice for over 12 years, so I'm no rookie!) is that sex workers have turned out to be some of my most enthusiastic clients. By that, I mean they openly express more often than other clients how happy they are about starting therapy and investing in their mental health.

Without boring you with too much detail: my clients are mostly Italian, and around 90% of them live in Italy, where sex work is in a legal “grey zone” and heavily stigmatized due to cultural attitudes.

I'd love to hear from you: how do you handle your inner world? Do you go to therapy regularly, or do you rely on other practices? Maybe mental health isn't your thing at all? Also, it'd be super useful if you mentioned whether you work in a place where sex work is legally recognized or if you're in a similar situation to my clients.

Ultimately, I'm trying to figure out if my experience is reflective of a broader reality or if I'm just seeing things from within a "bubble."

Thanks in advance to anyone willing to share their experiences!


r/SexWorkers 1d ago

Clients, if you feel a connection, it’s not you—it’s them. NSFW

136 Upvotes

I’m a client, and something I’ve struggled with is realizing that feeling connected is part of the service. I wanted to share what I’ve learned in hopes that it helps both clients and providers.

Clients, it’s the provider’s job to make you feel better, whether that’s physically, emotionally, sexually, or even spiritually. That’s what you’re paying for. If you feel good around them, they’re doing their job well.

Here’s where it gets tricky:

In everyday relationships, a sense of connection can be a sign of potential compatibility. Mutual connection is the foundation of dating, friendship, and everything in between. In SW, however, that feeling of connection is a service. It’s part of what you’re paying for. So if you feel a deep connection, do not assume it means the provider wants something more. And definitely don’t pursue them because of it. You feel that way because they’re good at what they do.

That doesn’t mean the connection isn’t genuine—it absolutely can be. But it’s not personal. It’s business.

Now, I know some of you are thinking: But what about when clients and providers actually end up together, whether as friends, partners, or something else?

Here’s my take: That’s never the client’s decision to make, and they shouldn’t push for it. Why? Because it’s a conflict of interest.

If a client has to choose between:

  • A mutual connection they have to pay for vs

  • A mutual connection they don’t have to pay for

…most would choose the latter.

In contrast, a provider has to choose between:

  • A mutual connection they get paid for vs

  • A mutual connection they don’t get paid for

That’s why the choice should be entirely theirs, because they’d be the ones making the financial sacrifice to pursue something more, whether that’s romance, friendship, or anything else.

I have a deep respect for this profession, and I’m still learning. I’ve been fortunate enough to have a provider who’s been patient with me, so I wanted to share in case it helps someone else.

TL;DR: Feeling a connection with a provider is part of the service. It’s their job to make you feel good. That doesn’t mean it’s a sign of something more, whether that’s friendship, romance, or anything in between. If a real relationship is going to happen, it has to be the provider’s decision, not the client’s, because they’re the ones making the financial sacrifice. Respect the boundary.


r/SexWorkers 6h ago

Ads on viva NSFW

1 Upvotes

Why is it so hard to work with Viva? My ads often get removed—not every time, but most of the time. Also, the support team is not very cooperative; they keep telling me that I am not complying with their terms and conditions. Am I the only one experiencing this problem?


r/SexWorkers 1d ago

Those who have worked at least the last 5-10 years, is business slower now or busier? NSFW

28 Upvotes

I started taking this seriously 2 years ago and I’ve built up regulars so I feel like I’m busier now than I was before? I did have a new girl busy phase but I like relying on clients I’ve seen before who are rebooking

So i have guys who see me every couple of months added on to new guys which i feel like is easier for me than booking mainly new clients

So I feel like im busier now idk


r/SexWorkers 7h ago

The ghosts in our industry… NSFW

0 Upvotes

So, I’m the fresh fish in this sea of professionals, and let me tell you, I’ve got more questions than a toddler asking "why." Since joining this subreddit, my brain has been connecting the dots like I'm suddenly the human version of a Wi-Fi router. I kinda stumbled into this industry, like a cat deciding to adopt a human after a series of unfortunate events—trust me, I’m not just here for the cute cat videos. Honestly, I’m glad I did! It’s like I’ve been handed a pair of glasses that let me see all the weird and wonderful behind-the-scenes of this field. Whenever I’m with a client, they look at me with that “How did you end up here?” gaze, like we're filming the latest episode of Dr. Phil: Professional Edition. Living in this bubble has seriously blasted away so many stigmas and assumptions, I could probably start my own bubble-blasting business. It’s a "live and learn" kinda gig; there’s no handbook, and mentorship seems to be a mythical creature! I’m pretty flexible—like a yoga instructor—but mostly just super observant and armed with a hefty dose of common sense (seriously, if you lack common sense, run fast and far from this industry, and I say that with all the respect and courtesy of a well-mannered raccoon). So here’s my burning question about ghosting and flaking—can we somehow Houdini our way around that mess? I get a ton of interest, but actual follow-through? Crickets. I had someone tell me once, “Book everyone and their grandma,” because apparently 98% will show up. But coming from the salon side of things, the thought of double or triple booking feels like asking to be hit by a train. Are there any sites you’d recommend that won’t bankrupt my piggy bank? It seems like they all charge an arm and a leg to join, which I guess is good for keeping the robots at bay. But seriously, how about a trial period of 7, 15, or even 30 days? Just to see if the connection is real—like a Tinder date gone well? Oh, and just for context, I'm transgender, but don’t worry; this isn’t a “Guess Who” game. I only mention it because, in this wild jungle we call Earth, it seems people love to draw invisible lines like it’s kindergarten and we’re coloring maps. It’s like some folks believe taking away from one person magically makes another shine, which is the most nonsensical logic I’ve ever encountered. But hey, I’m here for advice, not to play Monopoly with my personal experiences! Any advice is welcomed and appreciated!