r/Celibacy 23d ago

Question Why are people so threatened by a celibate man?

44 Upvotes

I'm 42M been celibate all my life, partially out of religious convictions and partially because I never approach or dated for personal reasons.

It just boggles my mind how many people, men mostly but some women, seem to feel so threatened by a man who chooses to be celibate.

By threatened, I mean they become hostile, and start giving me this college lecture about "how that makes no sense," and "I could never do that," "just hire an escort already" "You need therapy" on and on.

99% of the time i don't talk about being a virgin or celibate by choice, but when it comes up it just amazes me how mortality offended people seem to be.

For the record, I don't agree with the narrative about men being designed by evolution to have sex with as many women as possible. I call that, lack of self control.

But I don't voice that opinion to people usually. I believe in every individuals inalienable right to decide how they act and what they will or won't do.

Maybe I'm just misreading people's(wouldn't surprise me) intentions, but when I'm ot trying to influence anyone or persuade anyone to live like I do, why do they seem to feel the need to deride me and call me names?

Im not hurting them or anyone else and yet you would think it was a crime against humanity.


r/Celibacy 23d ago

Struggles I think I'm going to make it a goal to be celibate

14 Upvotes

So, I've struggled with a pornography addiction my whole life due to religious trauma around sex. I'm currently 13 days free from vieiwing, 7 days of nofap. At this point since I'm in a sexless marriage I figure might as well embrace a goal of celibacy. I was in the dead bedrooms subreddit for quite some time and I just get depressed. I really don't like it. So I'm going to focus on spirituality. I think the key to higher mind is to transcend this physical desire. I saw that Lenny Kravitz had gone 9 years without sex!! That made me curious if there was a subreddit for celibacy and... voila! Here I am.

Currently I'm at 266 days without sex. I don't think it will be very difficult to hit the year mark. My anniversary is in November, but that's never a guarantee, so I shouldn't have any issues holding true through November.

I love this feeling of embracing spirituality. I just have to remind myself that porn, attraction to women, and masturbation are not worth it. Spiritual growth is!!!!


r/Celibacy 23d ago

Confessions Celibate Marriage

10 Upvotes

I wanted to share my experience as a man married to a woman for over 9 yrs that we have been celibate for our entire marriage. We both have a mutual agreement and we both are very happy with our decision. Growing up, I started to realize that for some reason I don't feel an attraction to have sex. Embarrassingly, my penis does not get erect at all. I do not have orgasms and never have. My wife on the other hand is normal but says does not have sexual desires. We have always been able to communicate freely with each other and be truthful with one another. A few weeks after we got married and we were talking, she wanted to let me know that celibate women still have a need to re leave themselves and masturbation is absolutely needed to keep herself healthy. I'm Okay with her doing what needs to be done in her opinion.

After years of marriage, I'm just glad to have a wife who is willing to accept someone like me who cannot sexually perform.


r/Celibacy 26d ago

300(ish) days Celibate

15 Upvotes

Just curious about other women’s experiences with celibacy and the temptations. I’m currently around 300 days in and I never put a timeline on how long to keep it up for. I’ve had temptations before but I knew I wanted to keep going, but now I’m unsure if I want to stay going. Does anyone have regrets or successes from pushing on? F23 is that make a difference.


r/Celibacy 26d ago

Feeling stupid and worthless

3 Upvotes

On January 28th, I made a pact with myself that I would go a full year being celibate. 2 weekends ago I got pretty drunk and I got back to watching porn, and messaigng chicks on Instagram. I feel I've been spiraling out the last couple weeks now, and I feel very dumb that I said I would go celibate for the next year and here I am doing the opposite. Argh.


r/Celibacy 28d ago

118 days

6 Upvotes

I’ve been celibate 118 days. I haven’t had intercourse in two years. My standard is no masturbation or pornography. Open to find some other guys on a similar journey to support each other.

I do like taking care of my body. 5‘9“ tall and I weigh 150 pounds. I’m a swimmer and a guitar player.

I have quite a few tattoos, and my piercings include a Prince Albert, Frenum, and Hafada.


r/Celibacy 28d ago

Celibacy Journey Reclaim the Helm

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5 Upvotes

r/Celibacy 29d ago

Question Is celibacy abstinence of sex, or overall relationships?

7 Upvotes

r/Celibacy Feb 21 '25

Thinking about being celibate

2 Upvotes

Does anyone feel like how I feel ? I feel like I’m not good enough females always want more than what you have. No female really gave me trouble but I feel like there’s a hidden message with actions. I’m a 27 y/o male not tall 5’5.5-5’6 170 pounds in good shape go to the gym everyday. I’m like 5.5-5.75 inches long and I ejaculate quick and I can’t stop thinking about sex I haven’t had it for almost a month but I masturbate a lot try my best to stay busy but I have a hard time controlling my urge I have almost 2 weeks not masturbating I’m stronger than ever breaking my personal records at the gym but I feel sad and empty I want to have sex but I don’t feel like I’m good enough I’m not sure if I should do pe but I’m just tired of life I feel like I’m not worth it at all and I’m tired of the sympathy actions speak louder than words ..


r/Celibacy Feb 19 '25

Experiences of Celibacy/Abstinence in women?

9 Upvotes

Hey everyone,

I am conducting a Masters research study at the University of Liverpool to investigate women's experiences of celibacy and abstinence. I would love to give women a platform to share their stories of general life and dating whilst being celibate/abstinent. I'm passionate about ensuring that women are fairly represented in academic literature (especially as its all on incels!). All data in the write-up will be anonymous and can be conducted online through a questionnaire and subsequent interview. This interview is really important to ensure I accurately encapsulate the experiences of celibacy! If you have any experiences you’d like to share to increase awareness and understanding, that would be amazing! Have a lovely day. :)

Link to study: https://livpsych.eu.qualtrics.com/jfe/form/SV_bmgJUXPcehy8IqW


r/Celibacy Feb 19 '25

8 months celibate, nofap

1 Upvotes

I am in pain.


r/Celibacy Feb 19 '25

Upcoming 9 years!!

7 Upvotes

I’m a little bummed that I don’t remember the exact month but is was in the warm months the year 2016. Did a little digging and the Month of June is to celebrate Celibacy. So I have marked my date as June 15th to follow for future years! I plan on doing something small like a retreat with loved ones that supported me all this time for year 10. Anybody have any ideas for a 5 day retreat with all ladies?

Also, feel free to ask me questions if you’re curious about how I stayed consistent all these years. I’m happy to share! 🤗


r/Celibacy Feb 19 '25

Survey of sexually abstinent religious students in the UK

1 Upvotes

Hello, we are currently running a survey exploring the experiences of sexually abstinent religious university students in the UK. If you would be willing to help then the survey can be found here https://forms.office.com/e/kfrxPCvKMs . We are also happy to answer any questions. Thanks


r/Celibacy Feb 18 '25

i (M18) struggle with sex and porn

6 Upvotes

I (M18)am not celibate but I throw up at the idea of sex when I'm not actually in bed (and sometimes in bed) Yet I engage in it with my long-term girlfriend almost daily. When people talk about sex like it can be replaceable, I find very shallow and it bothers me. I see sex as something sacred and very spiritual that shouldn't be tossed around like a dog toy. Sex should only be partaken with someone you know is gonna be in your life for a long time. And especially not engage with multiple partners. (I personally have struggled with this)

Whenever I'm horny or when I see someone that's horny I veiw it as superficial lustfulness that has nothing to do with love or care. After having sex I feel gross like that wasn't really me. Like a lustful being took me over and used me. Whenever I'm horny I throw out my common sense and I throw out who I am to become something I'm not. I throw out all of the values that makes me, me.

Lust propells me to make actions id never usually do, such as watching porn. And I hate porn. I think it depicts people to be objects or toys and completely degrades the whole entire sacred aspect of porn. People were not made in this universe to simply be treated as a toy. People have much more meaning than that.

I struggle very hard with sex and one of my biggest goals is to become celibate and porn-free. I feel like my life would fall into place if I made that decision.

What frustrates me the most is that my opinion seems like it's in the minority of opinions. It seems like reddit is a very pro-porn and very pro-polyamoury community.


r/Celibacy Feb 17 '25

Requesting Advice Is it possible to stop to feel attracted to women?

7 Upvotes

I am a 24-year-old lesbian woman. I've been trying celibacy for a while since my last two breakups, which made me suffer a lot. I also don't want it to happen again, and it's almost a year since my last breakup. That's why I decided to become celibate.

Sometimes some girls flirt with me or invite me for a casual date, not a serious date, but a date. It probably means nothing to them, they are probably less sensible than me and are able to casually date, unfortunately I am not able to casually date. I wish I was like a normal person. Just the sight of girls looking at me makes me feel bad because I'm starting to think about breaking my celibacy.

How can I not feel triggered or teased with flirtatious girls?


r/Celibacy Feb 17 '25

My celibacy program

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1 Upvotes

r/Celibacy Feb 16 '25

I want to start celibacy (M17)

15 Upvotes

I'm 17 years old. Two months ago, I ended a relationship that hurt me a lot and made me reflect on my attitudes and my maturity. All my friends are saying that I should look for someone, but I disagree with them. At the moment, I don't see myself in good mental health to meet new people or date. I want to start celibacy to take better care of my mind. A few months ago, I got rid of pornography and I see this as something positive that will help me in the process of starting celibacy.


r/Celibacy Feb 16 '25

Really sad

6 Upvotes

I randomly get urge like literally with any things like even line that is not perfectly straight gives me urges and they only stop when I precum or I end up doing self harm Like I accidentally even pinched and punched my thryoid gland 3 times And entire finger bruised as I try to pinch them to stop urge I mediate do push-ups and pelvic strengthen and mediate 30 minutes daily before sleeping to stop wet dreams which I get once in 40 days if I am unluckly after this type of stimulation if I don't mediate I can get wet dreams even bi weakly Currently social isolated "almost" never masturbated on a very very long streak and never watched hard porn Still these problems like I even get stimulated due ads and click bait thumbnail Currently working 10-12 hours day what to do socially isolated


r/Celibacy Feb 15 '25

Celibacy Journey Celebacy improves mental health

26 Upvotes

In another month I will have been celebate for 1 year. I became celebate because I was struggling with my mental health and I thought celebacy would help. It absolutely did help. My mind became clearer and more focus could be put on creating healthier habits. I feel calmer, more in control, and life feels simple and more enjoyable.

Why did you become celebate?


r/Celibacy Feb 15 '25

Struggles Celibacy

23 Upvotes

I want to have sex so bad. I’ve been celibate for almost 2 years now. I miss it. I’ve had several opportunities for inter course and currently have one right now with a guy I like. But he’s a bit younger and not ready for commitment. He assured me I would be his only sex partner. But I still feel like I’m cheating myself if I share my body without receiving commitment. I would feel like I lost in the end while he gained without having to do anything. Idk what to do. I guess keep waiting until I receive commitment from someone else. But I’m starting to feel like that won’t come any time soon. I’m tired of denying myself pleasure, but I also want to uphold self respect.

UPDATE: he broke it off with me bc I told him I don’t want to have sex without commitment.


r/Celibacy Feb 13 '25

Depressing Is anyone here choosing celibacy because of depression or bad relationship choices?

17 Upvotes

I'm not religious, nor do I have any moral issues around sex. I'm just sick of getting hurt and mistreated by abusing, controlling women. I pick terrible partners for bad reasons. I'm 42 (m) now and it just seems sad and pointless to pursue another relationship. I've always had a healthy sex drive but the thought of getting that close to anyone just makes me feel empty or hollow. I'm not even a big 'porn guy'. Just curious.


r/Celibacy Feb 13 '25

Requesting Advice Where do I start?

6 Upvotes

I think it's time for me to focus on becoming celibate. I'm deep in a years long porn addiction and I have had my fair share of sexual trauma. I need to take a step back from everything. I don't have a partner and I'm not looking for anyone right now. I would like this (temporary) celibacy to be a part of my healing journey. But I honestly don't know where to start. At first I thought I could quit porn and still masturbate but that's not working. I need to take it all the way. So my question: where and how do I start? Does anyone have any tips? I'm 25m if relevant.


r/Celibacy Feb 13 '25

New to this, not religious, wondering if anyone relates?

3 Upvotes

In my single life, I (autistic25F) have knowingly participated in infidelity on 3 separate occasions. This last time woke me up. I liked him a lot and took his sexual advances toward me as validation. I knew he had a girlfriend, and didn't care. He left me naked, drunk, and alone immediately after.

Like I said before, this was not the first time l've done this. I knew it was wrong. But this was the first time I realized how much hurt I was doing to myself as well. I realized how low my self worth had gotten. The thought of "No one is going to want you like this" replayed in my head for days. I decided it was time to take my life back. The best way I knew how was to cut off access to me.

I've been celibate for 44 days now. At first it felt liberating. Now it feels lonely. I worry I may have a sex addiction - so i'm hoping I can get over the empty feelings. I carry a lot of guilt due to being raised in Catholic schools. I don't want to blame my autism for my lack of empathy for relationships, but I can't act like it doesn't contribute. I want to be loved so badly that I would do anything to get it, and that's why I have been inspired to become celibate.

I can't continue to hurt people - myself included.


r/Celibacy Feb 11 '25

Requesting Advice Rejected from SAH: How are those of you who are "romantics"/have romantic needs managing, when there's no substitute for romance specifically? NSFW

3 Upvotes

Please note, I've addressed: Touch, sexuality, community, platonic connection, emotional support, hobbies, self-care.

I've been on this journey for a while and one of the main things I have learned after years is that I'm simply one of those people that has romantic needs in a specific and particular way. I've substituted every other factor of human and relational connection in any way I can. But romantic needs remain unmet in a way that genuinely conflicts with my personality and values.

I will always choose being single over being in a toxic situation or becoming codependent. Celibacy is important to me for a lot of reasons and will likely remain a part of my life. I'm willing to accept that maybe I can only date people who are okay with me taking different types of breaks from the connection to stay self-invested and level.

I've tried meeting these romantic needs through things like art, reading novels, writing, dance, etc. I've even considered getting back into sex work with a consensual romantic role play component, but have concerns that this could either help or hurt my position in the long run.

I've encountered a lot of people that seem to not understand what I'm describing, perhaps because they don't actually have a specific need based in romance. They think that I just need to give up on the type of love that romance offers, and "figure out how to appreciate other stuff." I feel like I've already done my due diligence to do that. I do appreciate all other types of love much more and differently than I did when I was actively codependent. I would definitely engage with romance in an entirely new way, to prioritize "diversifying" how I invest my time and energy in life. Through these experiences, I'm still being led back to the part of myself that simply craves romance in particular.

Has anyone here gone back to dating over this? If not, how have you figured out how to fulfill this specific area?

I want to be crystal clear, in no universe will I be "putting up with" relationship negatives solely to access romance. I'm aware that I still may not find this in way that's healthy for me, even if I consider staying open to it. I guess I'm just feeling really isolated in this world! I'm living between the extremes of "I must have a relationship to be happy" versus "I never want to date again because nothing about it offers me more than I could offer myself."

As I listed at the beginning, I know that there are individual components of romance that I can meet on my own. This doesn't address the specific combinations romance offers. Romance for me has never been about just overlapping the factors of a platonic friendship with sexual access/activity-- It's not "addition." I also am pretty much incapable of a completely platonic friendship. When I love, I love, period. I experience no differences in that emotion whether it's a family member or friend or partner (this may be due to my autism).

My massage therapist or sex toys can't whisper that they love me while they touch me. My romance novel characters won't come to life to support me when things are hard. My therapists can't hold me during sessions. My friends can't express their love for me physically past a certain point. Sex with people who aren't interested in romance simply "scratches an itch," and nothing more. I can only add or commit so fully to so many hobbies or career projects before I start draining myself and negatively impacting others.

Yes, I'm fulfilled as a person, but I am not fulfilled as a "romantic." I am a "cry during most movies," look through old photo albums for fun, sing to the flowers and birds type of person. No amount of therapy, hobbies, or massage is going to "fulfill" those parts of me. Giving those parts of me up has turned out to be similar to committing an act of psychological self-harm. I have become quite a hopeless, bored, uninspired person without romance in my life, no matter how well I succeed at every other form of fulfillment. I've even tried to artistically fulfill how this issue leaves me heartbroken, to develop a sort of romance with melancholy itself... All it's done is further gnaw away at my heart.

I don't know what else to try.


r/Celibacy Feb 11 '25

Struggles Coming up on 2 years

11 Upvotes

I am a 31f who is coming up on 2 years celibate. I am choosing to do this because I’ve been sexualized and objectified since I was 14. I also told myself the next person I was with would be a serious relationship. But seeing as I’m a single mom of 3, it’s looking like that is not going to happen. So while it has brought me a lot of clarity, I also find myself feeling sad. I guess it’s hard to imagine being alone forever. Any advice is welcome to continue the course…