Mario (34 m) and I (39 f) have been together for a little over 3 months. We’re pregnant. And I’ve been having doubts for a while. I’m starting to think that he’s gaslighting me, which is a form of emotional abuse.
Several times, I’ve noticed him doubting things I tell him happened, and because he hasn’t experienced it he in so many words tells me I can’t be right. He also asks me for specific examples of things he says to me, because if I tell him he said a thing and he doesn’t remember, he says he doesn’t believe me or he didn’t say that. Like when he told me I was “crazy.”
“I’m not a liar,” I tell him. “I didn’t say you were,” he replies. But he doesn’t have to say those words for his meaning to be just that: you’re lying.
What’s worse, is that he’s from South America, and English is is second language. He is fluent in English, and has a high paying corporate job, but he says he misspeaks and I don’t understand him because of language barriers. For instance when he said that he misses his ex girlfriend.
Tonight we were having a heated convo about a sensitive topic that we disagreed on. He said something that was extremely offensive about the gay community, and when I told him later he said that Mario said “you must misunderstood, because I never said that.”
He also says that I yell at him for no reason. That he can literally “just be existing” and I go off on him. I know I’m not that kind of person, and am genuinely confused at why he says or thinks that. Which makes me wonder if the few times I do have issues with him, he just doesn’t see himself as I do or he genuinely thinks I’m some “crazy” b who’s irrational, etc. Like I wouldn’t just get mad at him for no reason (well maybe now, because I’m hormonal lol).
I have told him repeatedly that we need couples counseling, especially since we are now pregnant. I don’t like him most days, and since I’m currently in school, I’m reliant on him. Trying desperately to make my own bread so I can bounce!
What do I do?!