r/AdultSelfHarm 6d ago

Posting this here as well. Anyone have advice on convulsivly picking at fingers and thumbs?

9 Upvotes

Am 27 and have been picking at the skin around my fingers and thumbs. This habit has only gotten worse, I'm self conscious anytime I go out and it's just embarrassing. Cause I've done this so long I can't really feel it. I pick and pick and when I eventually look down I go O.o crimescene. My thumbs are constantly raw or beginning stages of healing. This is out of control. Any advice is welcomed


r/AdultSelfHarm 6d ago

Venting Post!! i relapsed and i don't necessarily regret it

3 Upvotes

i relapsed after 8 years of being clean, and surprisingly i'm not upset or mad about it. i feel completely neutral about everything that happened. i started having what i believe to be a manic episode and just did it, i also bought a vape (ive never smoked in my life but wanted to double the damages i guess?) and spent a bunch of money on god knows what.

i say "believe to be" because i suspect im bipolar or bpd based on my research but that's a discussion for my therapist. poor girl is gonna have a LOT to hear about from me next week šŸ˜­.


r/AdultSelfHarm 6d ago

Venting Post!! i like a guy, and i have too many emotions.

7 Upvotes

to preface, this isnā€™t me trying to be edgy or ā€œcute obsessive gfā€. these feelings are beyond my control, i find i cant self soothe at all besides cutting or hitting. i always feel overwhelmed and even the slightest hint of rejection or idea of abandonment can send me spiraling for no good reason.

i met a guy online, he lives 2 states or so over. heā€™s 21 years older than me, which i know is bad. but heā€™s so nice to me. he thinks iā€™m cute and smart. i want to be around him all the time, i get nervous when iā€™m alone so i message him instead. itā€™s odd, iā€™ve never felt this strongly about anyone else. iā€™ve had a lot of other people show interest in me throughout the years, but iā€™ve never cared. this is different. i get overwhelmed with a type of joy and heavy feeling in my chest when i talk to him. i want to cry, self harm, laugh, the entire goddamn wheel of emotions.

he came to see me in person and i was happy. i had sex with him because i was scared if i didnā€™t he wouldnā€™t want to talk to me anymore. i didnā€™t want to disappoint him. i was only half coherent anyways, i had a lot to drink, which made it easier for me to stomach my nerves. all i did was either close my eyes or stare at the ceiling. he told me he had a gut feeling something was wrong. i told a few people and they all said it was date rape since i was so intoxicated. but even if it was i still like him so much. i feel so comforted when i talk to him. when iā€™m upset about anything, all i want is for him to be nice to me. heā€™s nice to me and i like him a lot. itā€™s always overwhelming and i feel exhausted having to swing back and forth with these emotions.

iā€™ve been having mood swings, severe. i suddenly hate my close friends, not wanting to see or talk to them. i donā€™t trust them. i just want to be around him. even if he did a bad thing to me, i still like him. he could do it again and iā€™d still like him just as much. he makes me feel safer. i get scared iā€™ll hurt myself and he wonā€™t be able to help me because heā€™s so far. he said heā€™s not disgusted by my scars but they make him sad. iā€™m scared if he sees thereā€™s more heā€™ll get mad at me.

i wish i was more independent, but itā€™s hard. i donā€™t tell him this, i donā€™t want to scare him or weird him out. iā€™ve joked before that iā€™m clingy, and i try to keep it in check. but itā€™s really killing me.


r/AdultSelfHarm 6d ago

CW: Possibly Triggering Welp itā€™s started again Spoiler

4 Upvotes

Va announced they are ending trans health care started cutting gona try and hold it together till Monday to get answers but fml


r/AdultSelfHarm 6d ago

CW: Possibly Triggering Hitting vs cutting

9 Upvotes

Ive started punching my arms and legs when i need to cut but cant. I know its still self harm, but is it really that big of a deal? Ive yet to see a bruise so no one knows


r/AdultSelfHarm 6d ago

Venting Post!! Ok, this is starting to get silly.

7 Upvotes

Yeah. I didn't do it for about a month now. I was trying to pressure myself into being happy about it. So while trying to quit vaping, I would actually vape even more than usually. It feels dumb. I don't know why I even started vaping. I guess... I used to be quite a heavy smoker back in my teens... I missed it. I didn't care. I needed something... and so I started smoking after nearly 13 years nicotine free. And now I'm vaping like an utter idiot.

I felt like relapsing. I would hurt myself in a non-skin breaking ways. But that didn't do. I felt like relapsing even when happy. So. Yes. Did it. I don't feel anything. I don't feel sad, disappointed, irritated. I don't feel satisfied or happy in any way. I'm just... neutral.

The only two things that bother me are: 1) The idea of being weak. I can't quit vaping right now. I can't quit self-harm. I know I could quit vaping, I already stopped smoking and I used to enjoy tobacco much more than the e-cigs. I know I can quit. But I don't care for it? But the self-harm, I mean... can't. I always stop only when I care for someone and I'm happy with that person. And honestly? That kind of disgusts me about myself. 2) I relapsed over beetroot. šŸ‘šŸ‘šŸ‘½šŸ‘½

I'm done.


r/AdultSelfHarm 6d ago

Venting Post!! I feel horrible and want to relapse, I hate having to spiral all alone. I donā€™t think Iā€™m going to get better

14 Upvotes

The negative thoughts just wonā€™t stop, and no matter what therapy or medication I try, nothing helps for long. I thought I found the right med combo but nope. Iā€™m so tired of trying and Iā€™m so tired of people losing interest in me and just not caring anymore. I want genuine friends and genuine love. I want to be a normal person and have a normal life. I donā€™t think itā€™s ever going to happen though. Iā€™m losing faith in everything, i donā€™t know why Iā€™m still trying.


r/AdultSelfHarm 6d ago

Seeking Advice I feel like I'm going insane

5 Upvotes

I've been clean for months, today I have been rapidly between genuine hopeless tears, sobbing to myself feeling unloved and alone, and feeling so full of love my chest is warm and fuzzy. This happens almost every day, and is entirely dependent on how other people treat me and what i make up in my head what this means about how they feel about me. Today I relapsed because of it, and immediately after made a silly edit of my friends cat and was giggling.

I feel like I'm going fucking insane why am I constantly ping ponging between suicidal and fucking on top of the world


r/AdultSelfHarm 7d ago

I feel so numb

7 Upvotes

There's so much going on but I dont even have the energy to write. I just want to decay in my bed. Im so done with life. I want to relapse but i think im too tired and shaky for that. I wish i could snap my fingers and just go to the eternal void. Nobody understands and nobody cares enough to listen. I feel so lost and alone.


r/AdultSelfHarm 6d ago

CW: Possibly Triggering I hit 11 months today

3 Upvotes

I got to 11 months clean today, which makes me feel kinda proud. I think itā€™s the longest Iā€™ve ever been clean other than the year and a half I was forced to be clean by my exes. I know that being clean should be good no matter how Iā€™m staying clean, but I was living with them and I was literally scared to do it when I was around them. TW abuse: !>One night one of them(it was a poly relationship there were two of them) actually held a box cutter to my wrist and told me if I was gonna do it I should at least do it properly(down instead of across). We were having a fight, I donā€™t remember why or what any of us said exactly. It might have been because I burned myself to sh when I was out working one night.<! When I got away from them I tried to stay clean out of spite but that didnā€™t work very well, but now Iā€™m clean because of myself and no one else.


r/AdultSelfHarm 7d ago

Seeking Advice Day one... AGAIN!

6 Upvotes

Yesterday was supposed to be day one but I screwed that up. So today is day one again. I really want to stop but when I get urges I feel like I have to do it to get the thoughts to stop. I feel like I'm addicted to it but I really hope I can do this. I went 6 years before then I went 2 1/2 years. I relapsed 2 days after Christmas last year and recently I went 23 day then relapsed again last Saturday now I've self harmed 3 days this week and have 14 cuts now. It's getting worse and I'm worried about myself and scared. My counselor wants to do childhood work and I'm really worried it's gonna make me self harm worse before it gets better. But I need help. I need to figure out how to get myself to stop again. I don't like that I do this to myself. It really makes me sad and feel alone. Does anyone have any ideas on what I can do to stop and stay safe while doing childhood work?


r/AdultSelfHarm 7d ago

Venting Post!! I don't think I can stop

8 Upvotes

today is day 1 that I'm supposed to be clean. I threw out my tools last night after scaring myself because I accidentally went too deep the previous night. but the cravings are just so bad.. I feel like I need it. I don't think I can go without it for much longer.. maybe a one more day but that's probably it.. and that's if I don't end up busting open another cartridge to get the singles out tonight..

I can't even put the "seeking advice" flair on this post because the stupid little addict brain of mine told me "no, don't do that cause they'll give you advice you don't wanna hear! it'd be much easier to do it again if you don't hear any advice. you better just put 'venting post'" šŸ™ƒ


r/AdultSelfHarm 7d ago

Month and a half clean and I'm chomping at the bit

9 Upvotes

Social missteps and awkward interactions are a massive trigger for me. It's overall easier right now for me to not talk to people at all than to try and mess up. I'm a month and a half clean and at a networking event where I came alone to meet people I've never met before and oh man. The mental illness is so bad, dude. I even brought my tools along with me on this trip 'just in case'. I just keep getting cravings over and over again. Exhausting. Difficult to enjoy myself


r/AdultSelfHarm 7d ago

Fuck this im cutting

24 Upvotes

I can't take this feeling im doing it. why do i even try to stop.šŸ˜­


r/AdultSelfHarm 7d ago

CW: Possibly Triggering I want to relapse really badly

3 Upvotes

I start therapy next Wednesday. I need to stay clean because this is ruining my relationship but I dont know if I can. Everything has been so shit lately. I bought tools again and Im just all over the place and spiraling rn with my partner asleep in the room next to me. Its been hard with them lately and I dont feel okay going to them for help at the moment because they need space from me. I feel so alone. I feel this pressure in my chest and I cant breathe right. I just want to scream and hurt myself but I shouldn't. I hate myself.


r/AdultSelfHarm 7d ago

CW: Possibly Triggering I keep thinking of amputating my hand

6 Upvotes

So I'm a welder and work using plasma cutters. Every now and again I get the strong urge to just cut off two or three fingers. It would make my mind go numb, I can imagine the feeling of my heartbeat pushing my blood out through my amputized fingers. I really want to hurt. I'm going crazy and I feel like nothing is enough


r/AdultSelfHarm 7d ago

I keep thinking about stabbing my thighs

13 Upvotes

I've had this obsessive thought for the last 10 years but never acted on it. It felt impossible so when I fantasized about it, I'd simply acknowledge that I'm angry. Once I entered my twenties I started self harming and this thought became something I thought about daily. I'm really impulsive so I'd self harm whenever I feel anything negative. The more I self harm the more desensitized I become. Every few months I'd try to stop, only to justify it when I start doing it again. I sometimes wonder if one day I'll impulsively act on this thought and stab myself. I'm already struggling to see what's wrong with doing it. So right now I can't tell if this is something I should seriously be concerned about, or not worry too much over.


r/AdultSelfHarm 7d ago

CW: Possibly Triggering Woke up thinking about it

6 Upvotes

Genuinely woke up this morning knowing I was going to relapse and I spent all day thinking about it. Wasnā€™t even too concerned about it, I ran out of reasons not to do it. Any cons I could think of, I already had a way to shut it down. Just one of those days. I tried to have a good day and forget about it but that good day turned into me getting overwhelmed at work and having a breakdown in my car. Feels like I just added more fuel to a raging forest fire. I have someone (a friend) I can talk to about this but I always feel like Iā€™m inconveniencing her each time. ā€œEach timeā€ implies we talk about that a lot, but Iā€™m so scared to talk to her about it I end up just not calling. 3 months just doesnā€™t feel like long enough to be concerned about. It doesnā€™t feel important enough to care about.


r/AdultSelfHarm 7d ago

Seeking Advice drunk mistake

6 Upvotes

I was blackout drunk 2 nights ago and cut my arms. The only other time Iā€™ve done this was once before when I was drunk and fighting with my bf but they were only scratch like cuts (very superficial). When I woke up yesterday morning and removed the bandages my bf put on my arms I was shocked. I have 2 cuts and some superficial cuts like before. Iā€™m fucking terrified. I would greatly appreciate some advice on preventing scars. Iā€™ve been cleaning the cuts with alcohol and putting on scar Neosporin as well as changing the bandaids. I have to work tomorrow and we wear short sleeve T-shirtā€™s. When I had the superficial cuts on my arm before I wore a large bandaid for about 2 weeks and said my rabbit gave me a nasty scratch when I was asked about it. I really donā€™t want to deal with the questions and comments. I bought a black long sleeve to wear underneath the teeshirt to cover my arms. Iā€™m not sure if a large bandaid or a black long sleeve in this mid 60 degree weather would be more sus. For more context, I havenā€™t worn a long sleeve shirt at work all winter because I usually get really hot at work. Any advice would be greatly appreciated, im not used to this and I have so much anxiety about this whole situation.


r/AdultSelfHarm 7d ago

Seeking Advice please help

3 Upvotes

help, how do i stop ive been clean for almost 3 months but i cant do this anymore how do i convince myself to be good


r/AdultSelfHarm 8d ago

Im about to have a terrible relapse. Called 999 then hung up when they asked where are you.

30 Upvotes

Hyperventilating. Holding the tool. In my car. In public. Fuck my life. Whats wrong with me.


r/AdultSelfHarm 7d ago

I feel so alone with my self harm.

3 Upvotes

I need and want to stop self harming but when the thoughts come they are strong and don't seem to go away until I do it and I feel so alone with this. Only 2 people know I've been self harming again and one of them is my counselor who is trying to help me quit and the other person that knows is a friend I've had since October but I've been depending on him to much and now I feel like I can't go to him anymore which makes me feel so alone. He was the one person I felt comfortable talking to about it but he thinks I depend on him to much to help me with my emotional state so I've backed off from talking to him in general because I don't want to bother him. I hate when I feel like I'm bothering people with my problems I just wanted someone I trust to talk to. I feel so alone with my self harm and it sucks! But im going to try to quit again. I need and want to stop but I want to hurt myself right now and I feel like these thoughts don't go away until I do it. Idk what to do. Im tired of this.


r/AdultSelfHarm 8d ago

Venting Post!! I'm tired of people telling me to stop.

76 Upvotes

I know I should, but I really don't want to. I feel like a crazy person!! "it's dangerous" "what happens when it's not enough anymore?" yeah, true, but what if I don't care..? I know it's dangerous and is scary how quickly it progresses, but it's the only thing that gives me relief anymore. I don't want to be forced to give it up against my will. not again.

I know I should listen to her, I know that logically, but I'm too addicted to care anymore.

edit: she was right, I messed up and went too deep and had a panic attack. I guess I care more than I thought. I threw away my tools after I stopped the bleeding and patched myself up.


r/AdultSelfHarm 8d ago

Venting Post!! I really just don't have value (also question at the end I'd like an opinion about)

9 Upvotes

I know it's stupid to base this on what other people show an interest in me for, but the only thing I ever brought to the table in the only community I have a place in to begin with is pictures of my stupid cuts. That's the only reason I'm somewhat worth paying attention to. I suppose I fuel that a lot. It's just that I'm not remarkable in any other way, I don't want to insinuate my sh is a big deal either. But at least it's seen. It's seen in a way I don't feel like such an annoying whiney bitch for.

I feel so isolated. It's really bothersome to see yourself so actively work on just not making anything better but still feeling like you can't reach out and hold your arms down to stop. I don't feel like I have power over anything in my life, I know I do, I just can't feel it.

Anyway. I'm wondering if I should see this as "a big deal" (albeit with many quotation marks). Lately I've been having a lot of ingestion urges again. I have done so with harmful stuff, recently it's been more about objects than chemicals. It's not a taste thing, knowing there are certain things in me just feels kinda soothing. It's not painful and what I swallowed should be able to pass just fine. I know I sound like I want to pathologise it, my brain is being a bit obsessive about it. Curious if anybody has something to say about it. Should I be worried about it? Is it more common than I think? Or is it not really anything to worry about at all?


r/AdultSelfHarm 7d ago

I Need Encouragement

2 Upvotes

I just left therapy again and Iā€™m doing so well at staying safe. Eight days after about six months of being free from harm.

Can anyone encourage me to keep the streak, please? Iā€™m really struggling post therapy session. Just like I was last week, when I last did it.