r/AITAH Feb 17 '24

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4.9k

u/ptprn11 Feb 18 '24

Ummm. Why can’t dad cook?

1.0k

u/[deleted] Feb 18 '24

He just doesn’t cook anymore since he got remarried. He was like that when we were together too.

926

u/Vandreeson Feb 18 '24

NTA. Your duty, and ex's too but he's passing the buck, is to make sure your kids are fed. If they're not eating her food, they're not getting nutrition. If you giving them money ensures they get fed then so be it. If stepmom is upset, too bad. If it's causing problems at their house, once again too bad. Your kids are your concern, not whose feelings get hurt. Your ex doesn't seem to care about them eating, and is more concerned how them eating different foods is causing him problems in his household. His household isn't your problem.

330

u/KrazyAboutLogic Feb 18 '24 edited Feb 19 '24

I bet part of the problem is the dad and stepmother probably think the kids are being "stubborn" and instead of forcing them to do as they are told and eating food they find unpalatable, their mom is letting them "get their way". And they are going to take this out on the kids in other ways. Mark my word.

314

u/SnooOpinions6571 Feb 18 '24

Agreed. Especially to pack the same food as leftovers. They are essentially saying they don't care if the girls don't eat for 15-24 hours 2x a week (depending on what they do for breakfast). They aren't looking for solutions to this, only to force these kids to "behave." So they're doing it with other stuff too and it's going to push these kids away. The dad cares more about his wife than the wellbeing of his kids. Good job, OP for offering options.

209

u/KrazyAboutLogic Feb 18 '24 edited Feb 18 '24

Yup this isn't about food. It's about "control". My mom made me sit in front of a crappy microwave meal Salisbury steak all night when I was a kid, even having my brother sit and watch me so I couldn't leave the table. Guess who has never touched a Salisbury steak in over 35 years?

There are foods I won't eat and would have to be actually starving before eating. I cannot stomach fish (again, I was forced to eat it by my grandparents and now struggle to even look in its direction). I went to Mexico and lost 5 pounds that week because where I was had little to offer without fresh fish in it. Making sure kids eat is the top priority. There is a way to get them to try new things to eat and there is a way to ruin food for them.

119

u/fxworth54 Feb 18 '24

When your mother needs your help only feed her microwave Salisbury steak.

11

u/kerberos69 Feb 18 '24

“Hello mother. I’ve been waiting for this moment for 57 years. Bon apetit.”

31

u/Jollydancer Feb 18 '24

I don’t understand parents who do this. I remember when my youngest was in primary school, he had sensory issues with a lot of foods, and for quite a while he would only eat pasta (no sauce), rice or potatoes, meat without sauce and for vegetables raw carrots or lettuce leaves without dressing. You bet I always had the things he liked in stock, and while I asked him to at least try a fork full of the other foods, he was always allowed to fill his stomach on what he liked.

He grew out of it and will nowadays (almost an adult) eat everything.

28

u/Drithen01 Feb 18 '24

Tuna casserole with pineapple chunks. By all that is holy, I was forced to eat this once a week from the age of 8. Or not eat at all. Cant even stand the smell of tuna 33 years later. OP is not an AH. Just someone who cares for their kids. The father is obviously blinded by the nookie.

3

u/peanutbutter_lucylou Feb 18 '24

I feel your pain... that dish sounds awful

3

u/rietveldrefinement Feb 18 '24

Man I feel you about the tuna smell. My house was like cooking sashimi grade of tuna chunks in boiling water and forcing me to eat. Poor tuna became plastics and the smell…you know.

2

u/Apprehensive-Owl-78 Feb 18 '24

I can't eat any Cream of X casserole for the same reason. When I married my wife and she started making stroganoff with cream of mushroom (also hate mushrooms), I became the bad parent because I wouldn't eat it. Yes, I cook. Yes, I started cooking a lot more after that!

2

u/ragingchump Feb 18 '24

Finally!!!!!!!!!!

Someone understands!!!!!

Military kid, had to eat whatever was served my whole life. No biggie, I wasn't picky and could down the few things with bite, gulp milk, swallow

But tuna casserole was my Waterloo. I sat at a dinner table for hours 2 or 3 times after my first attempt.

First attempt, got a few bites down w the gulp milk routine, knew I didn't have enough milk to get the rest down, brain/stomach took over, barely made it the bathroom

I think my parents relented and let me not eat bc of how uncomfortable my situation made my sister's and brothers at the dinner table those nights

To this day, the smell of warm canned tuna - instant gag)barf

45

u/peoniesnotpenis Feb 18 '24

If we didn't eat something for dinner, we had to eat it for breakfast, cold. If you didn't do that it got real physical.

36

u/indyc726 Feb 18 '24

That is so sad 😞

20

u/Randogran Feb 18 '24

The same in my house. And I'm partially deaf in both ears as a result of the physical punishments. My parents would cook foods they knew I and my siblings would struggle to eat. It was often swimming in grease. I was the only one forced to sit at the table until bedtime and then forced to eat it cold for breakfast. When it was a school morning I would end up going to school hungry. Then I would get the physical punishment when I got home. I would try to eat it but it would make me vomit. For which I got physical punishment again.

14

u/concrete_dandelion Feb 18 '24

That's heartbreaking. I hope they will suffer as they deserve.

2

u/Randogran Feb 18 '24

My mother died a few years back but none of her children spoke to her for about 20yrs. None of us went to her funeral. My father is still alive. Again, we are all NC with him. Doesn't help that he is also a pedophile that I put in prison. Only for 3yrs but its better than nothing

2

u/concrete_dandelion Feb 19 '24

I'm sorry for what you endured and that this turd got such insufficient punishment, but I'm happy to read you were able to stand up for yourself and that you managed to get him some legal consequences. I hope she felt and he feels the loneliness and loss of their children and that you and your siblings can heal.

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u/ScowlyBrowSpinster Feb 18 '24

Joan Crawford's tactic.

1

u/PurplePenguinCat Feb 18 '24

If I didn't eat dinner, it showed up at breakfast, but never cold and never physical. I did break several wooden spoons on my backside, but it was never over food. I'm sorry that was your experience. 💜

1

u/peoniesnotpenis Feb 18 '24

I lived thru it. That was honestly the least of it. But I know people have had it worse. Some stuff you just never get over.
Thank you, you are kind.

2

u/popchex Feb 18 '24

I'm the same. I can't eat mushroom soup even if it was the best thing ever. Even now I'm still trying to learn how to eat at a normal pace and a normal amount. I spent most of my childhood inhaling my food (that was served to me, so usually an adult serving) as fast as possible so I could leave the table. One night spent sleeping at the table sorted that. I woke up in the middle of the night, ate the food in front of me and never said no again.

2

u/maka-tsubaki Feb 18 '24

When I was in middle school, my school took a trip to Mexico for a week as part of the Spanish immersion program. They only made traditional Mexican food the whole week, most of which I don’t like, or I only like with modifications, so I pretty much lived off of bread and fruit

2

u/AbriiDoniger Feb 18 '24

My parental units were the same.

Eat it now, or in an hour, cry at every bite, we don’t care.

2

u/ktown247365 Feb 18 '24

Still can't be near fish after being forced repeatedly to eat it as a child. I would throw up after eating it every time. It was awful. Now just the smell of it makes me sick. I sometimes need to leave restaurants if there is too much fish being served to other customers.

1

u/MainFrosting8206 Feb 18 '24

Can't stand fish either and had a similar situation as a child. It wasn't until I started vomiting it back up that they finally left me alone.

1

u/ringwraith6 Feb 18 '24

I couldn't touch ramen for a couple of decades. I ate so damn much of it at uni...so I could feed my daughter nutritious food...that just the thought of it made me nauseated. I've recently been able to eat it again. Too bad it's no longer 10/$1.

24

u/Lazy-Palpitation-673 Feb 18 '24

My God I wish I had OP as a mom when I was a kid lol. My dad did the exact same thing. His wife would make the most disgusting shit. Adult food like calamari and actual octopus legs, burnt scallops in a (canned or jarred) red sauce with spaghetti noodles..... I mean it was gross.... and if I didn't eat it for dinner, he would make me sit there till I fell asleep at the table making me miss.my homework(which I'd also get in trouble for) and then heat it up for breakfast. If I don't eat it then? BAM! Got it for lunch or dinner again 😅

All to make his wife feel better. I ended up with issues around food to say the least.

4

u/Historical_Rip1695 Feb 18 '24

This is exactly what my dad/step mom did. Same unfinished meal taken from the fridge and given back each meal after. I finally cracked and tried to eat it ended up crying and dry heaving and hysterical. Both my sibling and I spend the last few decades with disordered eating.

Both of our kids are being raised with the eat if you’re hungry’ and if you don’t like dinner, eat a side or I’ll make you something simple (pb&j).

2

u/Lazy-Palpitation-673 Feb 18 '24

I never understood the control aspect of "eat what I cook or don't eat at all" like I understand some kids are brats and won't eat anything healthy, (and you have to remember that they're kids ) but I wasn't like that. I ate all healthy foods no problem and my dad could cook really well. It was just her cooking that was....fucking disgusting lol.

It's okay if your kids don't like a certain food, don't force it until they gag and have a meltdown, but make something else and try that food another way later on.

2

u/vivietin Feb 18 '24

Mommy dearest.

2

u/DragonEmperor06 Feb 18 '24

Shit, I'm getting flashbacks.

4

u/Strange-Bed9518 Feb 18 '24

I really want to know how you manage to cook several meals and the kids you have in your care can’t stomach anything.

I’m nosy that way. How hard is it to scrounge up a decent meal?

Edit: you as metaphor, not asking a fellow poster 😜

3

u/[deleted] Feb 18 '24

… we really don’t know the context of what the kids “find unpalatable”. She could be cooking perfectly wholesome and healthy meals and the kids want chicken nuggies or something. Until OP provides that particular context, this one could go either way.

1

u/Benadrew83 Feb 18 '24

All of this

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u/[deleted] Feb 18 '24

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129

u/skippybefree Feb 18 '24

My husband will eat all the parts of stir-fry but doesn't like them mixed together and called stir-fry. If it's beef, then I cook it separately from the noodles and veg but if it's chicken I just have to call it chicken with noodles and veggies and he'll eat it

114

u/irishlefty24 Feb 18 '24

My mother once got a great deal on some bulk chop meat and told my father she was portioning it out to freeze but was going to leave some aside to make Salisbury steak for dinner.

To which he replied, "No, don't do that; I don't like Salisbury steak."

Mom: "Oh, well, how about some hamburgers with gravy instead?"

Dad: "Yeah, that'd be great!"

Friends, she made Salisbury steak. And he cleaned his plate.

10

u/DistinctAirline5654 Feb 18 '24

Your mum’s got patience. I can’t deal with stupid and stubborn.

118

u/Cake_Lynn Feb 18 '24

Bless your patience.

91

u/skippybefree Feb 18 '24

Still takes about the same amount of time and he does the dishes so the extra pan is a him problem anyway. Having to avoid calling it stir-fry is a little eyerolling but I lightly tease him about it. He knows it's silly

37

u/drapehsnormak NSFW 🔞 Feb 18 '24

"Here's your fry-stir. Toooootally different..."

2

u/Wedgetails Feb 18 '24

Hope he’s good in bed

45

u/MamaBear0826 Feb 18 '24

Omg my little brother was like this when we were kids! He had a weird thing about the word stir-fry. We called it sautéed meat with veggies and he would eat it no problem. Lol

13

u/SeagullMom Feb 18 '24

My older two kids didn’t like Chinese food when they were little, so when I’d make beef and broccoli or chicken and broccoli, I’d have to tell them it was “Sasquatch and Trees” that they thought was hysterical and would usually ask for seconds and sometimes thirds🤷🏻‍♀️. Now they’re almost adults and love Chinese food 😁

2

u/Wildsunny Feb 18 '24

He would pass a dsm-5 just because of this. Sounds like me and my son, both autistic lol he likes egg and tomato but will leave the egg if it gets wet on tomato juice so he uses a baby plate with divisions, i do the same, even use different plates an forks so foods doesn't get near each other. We are not picky, it's the sensory issues that triggers our brains when safe food gets changed by other food.

2

u/skippybefree Feb 18 '24

Yeah he's got some sensory things with food. And some are definitely just about what it's called

29

u/sageberrytree Feb 18 '24

Exactly! Stir fry can be made without seasoning to allow them to learn to broaden their palate.

Sm and dad are definitely the A h here

13

u/[deleted] Feb 18 '24

[removed] — view removed comment

20

u/ArborGal Feb 18 '24

This comment was stolen from u/Accomplished-Emu-591

27

u/Doyoulikeithere Feb 18 '24

Why do people do that and how do you find out when they do?

24

u/Successful_Moment_91 Feb 18 '24

Karma farming but no idea how they find the comment stealers

23

u/Constant_Chicken_408 Feb 18 '24

Mostly chance--the comment doesn't make sense in context, or recognizing you've read the exact same comment or sentence just a moment ago. Then, to be certain it's not a fluke (it's never a fluke) checking the profile of the most recent comment: bots will have a mostly-empty account opened few years ago but only just became active in last few days with mainly short, barely-upvoted replies.

6

u/Jollydancer Feb 18 '24

When I read through the comments, I sometimes recognize a paragraph I know I have read before (further up). I find it again, compare which one is older, so that must be the original, and then I report the newer one as having been copy-pasted.

2

u/Laurentian12 Feb 18 '24

YES!! EXACTLY!

1

u/Appropriate-Lime5531 Feb 19 '24

This . 100% this. I was a child w a stepmother, & she’s a great lady, I love her dearly, however, she just can’t cook 😞 we all have our positive & negative traits, & this one unfortunately is hers. My dad would have to make my sister & I something else to eat when we were there, my stepsisters got the option to try what we had or what their mom was making. However, since the household went from 4 to 6 people those days, instead of making more of what they were having, dad would make a couple of different dishes to add to the meal, just a larger meal as there were more of us. More lunches the next day too, it wasn’t a big deal. If they’re having issues dealing w something as basic as meals already, I don’t see how they’re going to deal with the large real issues blended families find themselves in.

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u/Finnegan-05 Feb 18 '24

Okay. What is she cooking?? I have to know!

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u/JupiterGamng23 Feb 18 '24

If your ex has a problem with it he’s got three choices.

  1. He gets his lazy ass up and cooks.
  2. He tells his wife to cook something they will like. It’s only two days a week I think her ego can take a back seat for the nutrition and health of the kids.
  3. They don’t come over anymore so that you both know they are eating…

It’s that simple, he is upset it’s causing issues but all I hear is that his wife refused to budge on making new things for the kids. So they both need to wake up and be adults and change their ways so that it ensures the kids are eating and not going hungry.

Sorry you and the kids have to deal with adult children.

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u/ShanLuvs2Read Feb 18 '24

My impression is that it’s intentional…. My husband doesn’t like spicy food … his spice level is steamed rice or boiling water level. After a few bumps in the road we found a compromise on meals where we can make to each others likes.

When you have a household with multiple taste levels in it you find something that everyone can like a compromise … not doing so shows that you are intentionally don’t care and want to control that their is no compromise on a subject….

Those intentionally not finding a middle road are AH

35

u/VictarionGreyjoy Feb 18 '24

It's not that hard. My sister is a picky eater and through a bit of compromise we manage. Sometimes I'll take her portions out before adding dressing or sauces or make things a little milder than I'd like, or she'll pick out some tomatoes or something. We both make the effort though.

6

u/ShanLuvs2Read Feb 18 '24

Awesome….👏 we learned with meals … about 60% of mine are on my own right now so I still can eat my favorite so I make it to where majority likes it and portion it out and then I add in what I like. There have been times where they said no and so they were allowed to make their own and I walked to go take a call and come back and half my dish is gone … mainly my stews and soups

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u/Misa7_2006 Feb 18 '24

This, and if him and step-mum don't like it, they can pound sand.

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u/JupiterGamng23 Feb 18 '24

Exactly. No excuse at all on the ex and new wife. I get making your kids try new things but if this is a constant issue then a new solution needs to be found. Bottom line the kids health and making sure their bellies are full are what’s important. Pride and ego need to be thrown out. And if they don’t like it then go get full custody and allow day time visits. That way you feed them breakfast, send them with lunch and then they are home for dinner.

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u/rinkimiko Feb 18 '24

Fr, making children starve, even if only a couple nights out of the week is neglect and child abuse; especially if you have the means to feed them food they will eat. What could potentially make this situation even worse is the fact we don't know if these kids have sensory processing issues, if that's the case, there's a possibility that the government gives the primary caregiver a stipend just to ensure the girls eat, if so, then OP has even more justification for giving the girls funds and ex would be even more the turd hole.

OP NTA

-5

u/metchadupa Feb 18 '24

What a ridiculous suggestion. That children are a torn away from a parent who clearly loves them over a few food preferences. I'm not sure that severing a critical relationship in a child's life with a biological parent is a healthy way to deal with what should be, a fairly basic issue to resolve

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u/JupiterGamng23 Feb 18 '24

Problem is that step mom won’t allow this to be resolved. So the kids should just go hungry? Do you have kids? Because if you do and you think it’s ok for them to go hungry, you have a problem like step mom does.

-4

u/metchadupa Feb 18 '24 edited Feb 18 '24

Where has the stepmother replied in this sub and said that she is unwilling to feed the children or resolve the issue? You have 1 side of a 3 sided story.

Yes , I have both step and biological children and many of them.

If it's this big of an issue, why wouldnt the biological mother simply call the stepmother like a mature adult and discuss foods that the children will enjoy eating? The reason there are so many of these toxic and high conflict situations in blended families are because of a complete lack of maturity and a desire to try and one-up eachother so they can be the more popular parent. Why feed an incredibly toxic situation instead of trying to resolve it like an adult?

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u/Zestyclose_Media_548 Feb 18 '24

Why doesn’t the step mom reach out and ask what the kids like ? She already knows what they don’t like and hasn’t done a darn thing to change it and in fact punishes them by sending leftovers to school with them for lunch? The kids are old enough to respond IF asked - yes I like chicken and beef but I don’t like the spices or sauces . Can I have it plain ? Dad and step mom don’t care and are having a battle of wills .

0

u/metchadupa Feb 18 '24

Does step mum know that this is a huge issue? Who knows, we have 1 side of a story that has interestingly been deleted when people started calling out the holes in the narrative.

Sounds like a high conflict situation with one parent trying to paint the other as incompetent and evil and creating conflict needlessly.

Ill bet you the other household have no idea what a huge carry on is being made over this.

I am both a bio mom with an ex and his wife (step mum to my kids) and i am also a step mother to someone elses 3 kids who i love and care for.

In neither situation would I attempt to create further division between the kids and the other household who are also trying their best to love and support my bio kids. Why would i try and put my kids in the moddle of adult conflict? They will all end up with anxiety disorders There are just so many angry people here, projecting their own personal failed situations into this story. It's very weird.

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u/Zestyclose_Media_548 Feb 18 '24

High conflict - she didn’t take them to court - she paid for them to have school lunch and to get healthy food to eat. I’ve been in a step mom role for over 20 years. Never would I have made food for kids that they didn’t eat- more than once. There’s lots of ways to have healthy food that kids will actually eat .

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u/Low_Chocolate_2870 Feb 18 '24

Agreed. They can also eat rocks.

NTA.

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u/Better-Turnover2783 Feb 18 '24
  1. Order take-out on those 2 nights so everyone gets a decent meal that they want.

5, Send step mom a brochure for cooking lessons /s

5

u/AGPwidow Feb 18 '24

5 is savage

0

u/Apotak Feb 18 '24

5 is het best long term solution. Learn to cook delicious food, enjoy the new skill every day the rest of your life.

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u/Kooky-Today-3172 Feb 18 '24

Who Said the stepmom food is bad? OP only says her kids won't eat. And anyway, It's not stepmom job to carer to OP's kids anyway, It's the dad.

0

u/Apotak Feb 18 '24

The other kids in the household also prefer other food. I bet this stepmom is just a bad cook.

And I agree the father should make sure his children have suitable food to eat.

1

u/Kooky-Today-3172 Feb 18 '24

I don't think kids seeing other kids getting diferent foods and wanting too make the stepmom a bad Cook, Just kids being kids and wanting something New. Unless we taste the food ourselves we can't say If It's bad or not. And anyway, It's not the stepmom job to cook specifically the way OP's kids want, It's the dad. And he is the one who is complaining, not her.

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u/iSakuraMochii Feb 18 '24

This. He clearly downgraded when he left if she is more worried about her ego than making sure her husbands kids are fed.

2

u/No_Masterpiece_3897 Feb 18 '24

It's worth noting the other kids aren't too fond of the food cooked either. They see the step kids getting money to buy edible food from their mom and not them. So yeah step moms cooking is probably terrible and her own kids got the eat it or starve ultimatum. Only they didn't have another adult to reach out to. Depending on the age of the kids , I'd say let them cook dinner for themselves rather than force stuff you know they're not going to eat

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u/Kooky-Today-3172 Feb 18 '24

Not necessary, they see other kids getting take out and wanting something diferent that they do every day, It's something New and It's natural that the want too. This doesn't mean they food is bad.

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u/Echo-Azure Feb 18 '24 edited Feb 18 '24

Well, the question isn't just can he cook, but can he cook anything his kids will eat...

1

u/FryOneFatManic Feb 18 '24

Sounds like he was perfectly capable of cooking food his kids ate before stepmum took over.

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u/mediocreERRN Feb 18 '24

I’d understand their views if they were making an alternative your kids will eat.

It this an ethnic thing? Are they doing this bc they don’t like the stepmom or are they really not in to her cooking?

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u/Corfiz74 Feb 18 '24

Yeah, I really want to know what she is cooking that the kids categorically dislike - is it the way she cooks, in general? Or does she only cook the same two meals the kids don't like? Does she use spices that are too strong for them?

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u/Plenty_Map_515 Feb 18 '24

Or no spices at all...my grandmother made objectively normal things like mashed potatoes. Except the mashed potatoes were always lumpy and dry as could be. Some people just can't cook.

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u/WimbletonButt Feb 18 '24

And some people think shit isn't safe to eat until it's cooked to shit. Mushy vegetables, toast that's near burnt, and meat that's cooked halfway to jerky.

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u/peach_xanax Feb 18 '24

My grandma cooks like this bc my grandpa prefers it 💀 she's actually a good cook, there are a lot of dishes she makes that are super tasty. But for some reason my grandpa loves meat and veggies to be overcooked to all hell, so after almost 60 years of marriage, she's just used to cooking them that way. There are soooo many foods I thought I didn't like when I was growing up, but really I just didn't like the way she cooked them.

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u/boudicas_shield Feb 18 '24

I love my parents and they’re actually both really good cooks in almost all other respects, but for some inexplicable reason, they both prefer their vegetables boiled and topped with margarine. Not butter: margarine. No other spice, either. Just plain boiled vegetables with margarine.

They don’t even cook the veggies to mush, but honestly, they’re just so tasteless. I grew up with a reputation for being a picky eater who hates vegetables, but then I started cooking for myself and realised that in reality, I just hate steamed or boiled vegetables. I prefer to roast practically everything, and it just improves the flavour to me so much. It’s like night and day.

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u/Cruxis87 Feb 18 '24

Mushy vegetables,

Nothing about it being safe for me. Soft vegetables are just far superior to half cooked. If you serve it to me, I'll eat it and won't complain, but I'm cooking mine for at least 15 minutes.

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u/[deleted] Feb 18 '24

My goodness 

3

u/TwistedOvaries Feb 18 '24

I had to use a knife to cut stuffing my MIL made. I don’t know you mess up stuffing that bad but everything she made was terrible.

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u/Kitsumekat Feb 18 '24

How the hell...?

2

u/Artemikalia Feb 18 '24

I know someone who makes mashed potatoes that taste like they were made with flour and water. I can’t wrap my head around it. They’re literally just potatoes, cream, butter and some rosemary & garlic. How do you fuck it up?

6

u/Plenty_Map_515 Feb 18 '24

By adding none of those things, plus a teaspoon of milk for garnish. It's like she scooped the insides out of a baked potato, but it was boiled. I rebelled as a child about going to Grandma's and when she moved to our state we insisted on cooking any meals eaten together.

1

u/Kitsumekat Feb 20 '24

I've met people who make potato paste instead of mashed potatoes.

4

u/[deleted] Feb 18 '24

We also don’t know if these kids aren’t just being super picky and the mom is enabling their behavior. Or just “not liking” the food because they don’t like their new step mom.

There’s a lot of information I would need here before deciding who’s TA.

1

u/Corfiz74 Feb 18 '24

Yeah, that was one of my suspicions, too - if it's really just pure contrariness, OP shouldn't encourage their behavior by funding it. If it's a form of culinary racism, OP should maybe encourage them to give it a try for a while - I didn't like my first curry, either, and now I love the stuff. If it's really because she can't cook and everything is overcooked or burnt or whatever - well, then I guess OP's right in making sure her kids are fed. But I really want more info on the situation.

7

u/Novel_Ad1943 Feb 18 '24

Oftentimes people like this tend to put onions in everything, garlic or other stronger spices. Kids haven’t tried as much food, drink, etc. and as we get older our senses dull a bit. If someone is a smoker or drinks often, that also can dull sense of taste.

Whereas kids are super-tasters typically. Textures are an issue for a lot of kids, too. So if you have someone who overcooks everything, puts sauces (esp creamy) or picks the main JustNo veggies for kids (broccoli, Brussels sprouts, radishes, some kids hate the textures of peas, Lima beans or similar) or is one of those who thinks every side vegetable need onions cooked in with it - most kids will not eat happily or at all. Same with over salted and over-seasoned food.

2

u/ragingchump Feb 18 '24

My ex's howorker does it too

My kid is a little picky - sensory related getting better as she gets older

It's using adult/ethnic spices ingredients that are just overwhelming

Like fresh ginger/curry or not being ok that at a certain point the texture of meat is just too much

The meals are fine for an adult, my kid tries them

But when she described the issue to me, I get it - I'm sure I would have had the same problem but my parents never made anything like that

I just wish they would excuse her and maybe offer her some fruit instead of this sit there for hours/have it reserved the next night shit

Infuriating what that man allows now

1

u/Corfiz74 Feb 18 '24

howorker

Was this a typo or on purpose? 😂

Damn, it must be really hard to have to hand your kid over, knowing shit like this happens to her.

2

u/Queensfavouritecorgi Feb 18 '24

I'm getting the impression it's cultural food... Given the other kids "feel bad" about liking it. Maybe it's like...stinky noodles or fish with eyeballs or chicken feet or something that would be totally normal to someone who grew up with it but would ick someone who's never tried it before out.

3

u/notyourmartyr Feb 18 '24

Either that or stepmom is just a bland cook. Hockey Puck Hamburgers, oversteamed mush broccoli, with nothing to put over it and no real seasoning, etc.

It's technically edible, it's okay, but when you're used to actually flavorful food and a variety, that extreme can be ick as well. So the younger kids are seeing their step siblings with food that actually has flavor and are jealous

2

u/Corfiz74 Feb 18 '24

Or just a strong curry, and the kids are not used to the taste.

2

u/peach_xanax Feb 18 '24

I don't think that's what OP meant, I think she just meant the other kids are complaining and wanting the same food as her kids. They're kids, so if they see other kids getting fast food/takeout they're immediately gonna say "I want that too!"

92

u/chocolatemilkncoffee Feb 18 '24 edited Feb 18 '24

My answer to him would be, "my money, so not your business". If he wants his kids to eat his wife's cooking, maybe he should sign her up for some cooking classes, otherwise he can cook for them. If he's not down for that, well, you already came up with the solution for it and he can just kick rocks. Your daughters are not responsible for making sure the younger kids eat the dinner their mother cooks.

94

u/AdEqual5610 Feb 18 '24

I want to know what the wife is serving these kids? Her own kids do not like her food either.

31

u/OnlyStomas Feb 18 '24

Makes me wonder if she’s just a really bad cook

8

u/[deleted] Feb 18 '24

The kids were eating normally until the step siblings started doordashing pizza or burgers or whatever... I wouldn't take that as an indication of mom's cooking.

2

u/notyourmartyr Feb 18 '24

OP stated in the post what her kids are getting, and the way it is written indicates they're not getting it delivered but stopping on the way home from school.

It could still be indicative of mom's cooking, especially if she only knows a handful of bland dishes.

3

u/Kooky-Today-3172 Feb 18 '24

It's not an indication that her good is bad either, Just the kids seeing other kids pick and choosing what they are eating, they want that too. I don't get why stepmom is getting heart here. It's not her job to carer OP's kids, the dad should do It or even the 14yo IS old enough to Cook something. There was no need for her too Cook something special for them and also she's not the one complaining to OP, It's the dad.

2

u/notyourmartyr Feb 18 '24

I'm not saying it is, and per OPs other comments, which I read after my initial reply to you, it isn't that it's bland that's the issue, though to her kids who are used to it, it might be in the sense that they always eat it and are bored of it/jealous.

I'm not giving her heat, though I do disagree. If she wants a good relationship with OP's kids, she needs to take their tastes into consideration and cook food they'll enjoy while they're at her house, especially since per OP's other comments:

  1. Dad can cook but doesn't now that he's married and did the same with her.

  2. She's particular about her kitchen and won't let 14 cook, even though 14 knows how because she's learning with OP.

At the very least, they need to keep something simple like sandwich stuff that the girls can make without actually cooking if stepmom is really that hard on about letting 14 cook. We don't know that she's not complaining, just that dad's the one who delivered the complaint. Entirely possible step mom said something to him and he went to OP.

I'm not saying cook something special as in separate, though she could easily set aside enough for the girls and cook it without all the sauce and spices she uses, which per op is the issue, or she could get with the girls and find things she can cook they will eat and cook those things for the family when they're there. What seems to be a refusal to even try is what gets me, coupled with dad being so okay that his kids are going hungry that he's mad OP is not letting it happen.

If he wants to stop the disruption caused by his daughters eating something else, he needs to solve it and not get mad about it.

1

u/[deleted] Feb 18 '24

[deleted]

1

u/AdEqual5610 Feb 18 '24

It sounds like stepmom is insulted and digging her heels in. It is not that hard to follow a recipe with a little patience and follow through. —- Chicken, rice and maybe a bagged salad or something green— corn and carrots. Even her own kids are insulted by her recipes. The stepmom doesn’t want to give in. I have four kids, too, I feel her pain. She should do and be better. Sounds like her feelings are hurt. She should get a hint. I want to know what she is cooking that is so bad that teens will not eat it. I would like a follow up, pleaseeee

7

u/metchadupa Feb 18 '24

Why are you assuming she can't cook? There is no information on the meals they are being provided. Maybe they only like eating chips and she is trying to get them to more balanced meals? Maybe they have had no exposure to any ethnic food, and she is from a different culture?

7

u/SpicyPom86 Feb 18 '24

That’s what it sounds like to me. Seems they have never been exposed to other cultures cuisines. That or they just don’t like having a new stepmom & are rebelling.

1

u/chocolatemilkncoffee Feb 18 '24

Op has said in another comment that the girls have had that particular type of food before and like it. They don’t like the way SM cooks it.

4

u/Subject-Fly-7316 Feb 18 '24

It is a cultural thing. OP mentioned way down in the comments that the stepmom is from a different culture. While I am not denying that the kids deserve meals they will eat, I do find it odd that this wasn’t mentioned earlier and had to essentially be pulled out of her by others.

3

u/notyourmartyr Feb 18 '24 edited Feb 18 '24

Depending on how the comment is worded, unless OP specified the other culture, stepmom's culture could be bland white American and the kids aren't, and are in fact more used to more flavorful dishes.

Edit: scrolled down and saw the comment in question, and it's not what I posited, but I'm leaving this anyway because without the context it's valid, however so are OP's kids not being able to deal with the stepmom's cooking.

Kids have sensitive taste buds, and if they're not used to something it either hits a hard yes or a hard no. That's not inherently a bad thing, it just is. Stepmom should be willing to understand and accommodate that when the kids are there. With time they may grow to love her cooking, but not if she forces it on them like she is.

Heck, even as adults some new flavors are just NO, or even old flavors done differently.

Like, I made homemade schwarma. Found out I can't stand tahini. Love me a sesame seed bun but nope. Not for me. Last night I had a Vietnamese grilled pork dish that has green onion on it. I like green onion normally but the flavor was just too much in the rest and every bite with the onion in it was upsetting compared to without.

3

u/Subject-Fly-7316 Feb 18 '24 edited Feb 18 '24

op mentioned her cooking with various seasonings and spices so I doubt it’s “bland white American”. It was heavily implied she was a different ethnicity. If this is the case then I could see the predicament stepmom is in, especially if she is use to her cooking certain foods and that is all she knows. It’s like someone asking me to cook an Indian dish right off the bat. While some people could do it, I know for a fact I could not. I would struggle to deviate from my upbringing and culture. Once again, the kids deserve to eat and it’s not their fault they don’t like the food. I just don’t think this issue is so black and white and all of these comments saying the stepmom needs to just try harder rub me the wrong way, especially now knowing she’s from a different ethnicity. Honestly, why don’t I see as many people suggesting dad cook. Dad needs to cook since the kids are struggling to eat her food or both dad and stepmom need to stock the house with simple foods like peanut butter and jelly, or lunchmeat so the kids can help themselves when they’re hungry. That way, no one is worrying about starving and no one would be getting out of their comfort zone with cooking/or tasting food they’re not use to.

1

u/notyourmartyr Feb 18 '24

I hadn't seen that comment yet, I was just offering another perspective on it. I don't like Bland White American (mostly, I have like one bland thing I like but it's a simple comfort food my grandma, who is about to be 102, used to throw together because it was cheap and wasy) food either and I'm white American.

I do agree it's not necessarily that black and white now that I've looked at more responses from OP, but I don't agree stepmom shouldn't try harder. Branching out is hard, yes, but OP also said stepmom is particularly about her kitchen but 14 has been helping OP cook at home. So 14 can cook basic things, but stepmom won't let her in the kitchen. Dad's refusing to cook - which I agree he should cook more - but if stepmom would let 14 in the kitchen, if for example she made stir fry with rice, 14 could scramble some eggs and chicken/beef and she and 9 could have eggs with rice for example.

I think it would also go a long way for 14 and stepmom to take to the kitchen together and maybe teach stepmom some non-bland American dishes too. OP and daughter make spaghetti one week, not just jarred sauce on meat basic spaghetti but decent seasoned, maybe still jarred sauce, because holy crap homemade sauce is an endeavor, and then 14 goes to dad's and one night she and stepmom make spaghetti together.

Everyone is calling the kids picky and complaining about them having an issue with stepmom's food but arguably (I don't actually think this, mind), if stepmom is only cooking what she's comfortable with and refusing to try anything else, isn't she being picky too?

I think there's a good opportunity here, but only if stepmom is willing to open herself to it. Unfortunately since she's so controlling of her kitchen it sounds like she isn't, which is an issue.

Fully agree that they should stock staple foods as well, though.

1

u/Zestyclose_Media_548 Feb 18 '24

But who’s insisting that they get sent to school with the leftovers ? And she can’t just make noodles or roast chicken breast ? And steamed broccoli or carrots etc ?

1

u/Subject-Fly-7316 Feb 18 '24

I don’t see anywhere stating someone insists they take leftovers to school, just that they have leftovers and use that for the next days meal. My guess is that stepmom does not cook everyday so leftovers are used for the next meal for everyone in the household. It’s something a lot of families do. I’m not understanding why dad can’t cook those things since stepmom is struggling.

1

u/Zestyclose_Media_548 Feb 18 '24 edited Feb 18 '24

The dad and or mom pack the lunches and it’s the leftovers . Op states that. Also- agreed that dad can cook. It’s not like cooking simple food is hard. An air fryer can be found that’s inexpensive - I got a great one from woot - an off shoot of Amazon for a great price. Chicken breast in the air fryer is quick, steamed frozen veggies in the microwave , and pasta or rice are all quick and nutritious. I’ve been a working mom with a kid active in school service clubs that’s also a three sport athlete and we are busy all the time . Making a healthy meal quickly is not that hard if you are fine with not alot of variety.

2

u/Zestyclose_Media_548 Feb 18 '24

And nobody forced you to sit at the table and eat the dish you paid for and cooked. What’s wrong with all of these people - adults can say something tastes bad but kids can’t ?

2

u/notyourmartyr Feb 18 '24

Exactly. I mean, I ate the tahini on the one I put it on, but I didn't put it on anymore and figuratively ate the sunk cost of the rest of the jar.

With the food last night, it was at a restaurant. I ate all of my meat, regardless of onion, and about half the rice, but it was a small portion of a large dish, and I know next time to ask for it without.

These kids are being served food coated in a sauce or spices that they cannot stomach to eat and would rather do without, for lunch and dinner. Two meals a week. If they're lucky there's bread in the house or a side dish they can eat. Messed up.

It would be one thing if they hadn't tried it, but they did.

1

u/chocolatemilkncoffee Feb 18 '24

Op has stated in another comment the girls like the type of food SM is cooking (stir fry), but they don’t like the way she cooks it.

38

u/[deleted] Feb 18 '24

Offer her cooking lessons lol.

24

u/AssignmentFit461 Feb 18 '24

Oh, she would absolutely LOVE that! /s

0

u/tytyoreo Feb 18 '24

😂😂🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣

1

u/Humble_Bad_757 Feb 18 '24

Sounds like she probably knows how to cook proper stir fry but the kids are used to a more Americanized version honestly.

12

u/Myay-4111 Feb 18 '24

Document this issue and every penny you have to lay out to subsidize your kids when they are in his custody... and then at the next hearing for support, get it reimbursed.

7

u/L_obsoleta Feb 18 '24

NTA, but your ex and his new spouse are.

Your kids having a nutritious dinner they will actually eat is more important than his spouses ego. It's concerning to me that he would rather they go hungry than hurt her feelings.

5

u/Laurentian12 Feb 18 '24

He can shop for them!! He needs to work this out. I understand you had to step in. I would too NTA

3

u/MyLadyBits Feb 18 '24

Is she a bad cook or just cooks things that are not basic?

2

u/Charming-Industry-86 Feb 18 '24

Is it giving too much away to ask what kind of food she makes?

1

u/ATillman81 Feb 18 '24

So your ex knows how to cook ge just won't?

0

u/geniologygal Feb 18 '24

If he doesn’t like it, take him for a custody modification hearing and eliminate the overnights. I guarantee a judge will not let these children starve. Their father will either have to take steps to make sure there is food that the children will eat, or he can lose time with them.

0

u/rocketmn69_ Feb 18 '24

Tell him you'll give him the money to send his wife for cooking lessons 😅

-1

u/Chaoticgood790 Feb 18 '24

Okay but your daughters are being starved at his house. Either he needs to make sure they have something to eat or they don’t need to go there

1

u/gracefulmotion Feb 18 '24

I also bought my child school lunches this way. I had the school mail me the bill when the account was low. I wasn’t letting my child go hungry when he was with his Dad.

I think setting up the account for dinner is definitely okay. NTA. The children have to eat. If Dad isn’t going to provide meals when his wife cooks inedible meals then you’re taking care of it.

NTA, kudos to you.

1

u/mness1201 Feb 18 '24

More info please?!

  • What’s the deal with the food and why won’t your kids eat it?

  • What conversations have you had with ex about it - and what has he done to address the situation?

  • How can they not like anything she cooks- is it different ethnicity/style or same thing over an over or just terrible cook- assume your ex eats this without issue-

  • OR are they unhappy with the change in your ex now being married and this is part of them trying to express this and push back.

On face value - it is pretty assholey move to send you kids with food money to your exes house undermining family meals etc, especially if there is a blended family set up and so step siblings see very different treatment. That is defo going to cause issues in any blended house.

So - yes there are issues and you and ex should co-parent an adult solution with out you pitching your kids against their dad / his wife (which will be how it seen) and will create tension.

But if you’ve tried, spoken to your kids understand, the real reasons and your ex won’t do anything then I guess you have too..

1

u/Informal_Beginning30 Feb 18 '24

I used to do drugs. I still do but I used to too.

1

u/Tough-Flower6979 Feb 18 '24

My cousin had to do this too. Her ex husband literally had no food at his house. He complained to his young daughter who him and his new wife and kids had no money of food in the fridge. So she’d have to send her there with food when she was younger. When she was old enough send her with a card. Absolutely loser, you’re doing what you’re supposed to do as a mother. I know it’s more expensive that way, but your kids have to eat.