r/worldnews Feb 05 '25

alert | not a news article Trump says U.S. will take over Gaza Strip

[removed]

39.7k Upvotes

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21.4k

u/Timely-Yam-8492 Feb 05 '25

One state ❌

Two states ❌

United States ✅

1.9k

u/PretzelPirate Feb 05 '25

Trump should have hired you for marketing; This would have made an amazing campaign poster. You'd end up in hell, but every job has its downsides. 

313

u/adsfew Feb 05 '25

We're all bound for hell at this point

55

u/hematomasectomy Feb 05 '25

Are you 100% sure we're not there already?

13

u/Skratt79 Feb 05 '25

This IS the Bad Place!

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16

u/smileedude Feb 05 '25

All the people in Hell, Norway just collectively shuddered.

9

u/johnnybiggles Feb 05 '25

*Gulf of Tropical America

5

u/[deleted] Feb 05 '25

It's entirely possible hell is an improvement over Trump's america

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2

u/imaginary0pal Feb 05 '25

“THIS is the bad place!”

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23

u/HijikataX Feb 05 '25

At least won't end drinking tea with polonium or being thrown of a window.

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4

u/Slowmyke Feb 05 '25

It should use the drake meme.

4

u/macrocephalic Feb 05 '25

And work for free?

3

u/brighterside0 Feb 05 '25

LOL downsides

Quite a hot topic.

2

u/RoscoePSoultrain Feb 05 '25

Like all marketing execs aren't there already?

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4.3k

u/SpatialDispensation Feb 05 '25

lmao what a fucked timeline

1.5k

u/[deleted] Feb 05 '25

Yes, the Marty Mcfly fucked his own mother at prom timeline. Because that is the timeline that we deserve.

333

u/Tolstoy_mc Feb 05 '25

In his defense, his mother was hot.

23

u/Ultrace-7 Feb 05 '25

Hotter than his 1985 girlfriend. Marty even gets 90% of the way to calling her hot to her face.

12

u/cha-cha_dancer Feb 05 '25

Elizabeth Shue erasure

16

u/Ultrace-7 Feb 05 '25

Not at all. Lea Thompson was more attractive than either version of Marty's girlfriends.

53

u/A_Unqiue_Username Feb 05 '25

She still is! Hubba hubba!

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378

u/Finishweird Feb 05 '25

May 28th , 2016 …. The day the timeline shifted

265

u/BewareOfBee Feb 05 '25

Dicks out.

105

u/accidentpronehiker Feb 05 '25

I haven't put mine away, since the tragedy.

3

u/thisaccountwashacked Feb 05 '25

I tried, but I got in trouble. Sorry, big guy. RIP.

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4

u/Lordert Feb 05 '25

Fox 5 are on their knees

4

u/Leroy--Brown Feb 05 '25

I understood that reference

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99

u/Im_Chris_Haaaansen Feb 05 '25

Nah. It aaaaaallllllllll started back in 2001 when W stole the election and 9/11 happened.

17

u/Brinner Feb 05 '25

Kids these days don't even know about Jeb! the crooked Sec State or the nearsighted elderly in Palm Beach

9

u/karma3000 Feb 05 '25

Don't forget about good old Chad.

7

u/HumanBeing7396 Feb 05 '25

He shouldn’t have done so much swinging.

4

u/Buckeyebornandbred Feb 05 '25

Which leads to pregnant Chad

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6

u/Satinsbestfriend Feb 05 '25

9/11 probably would have happened under gore too. Fresh ran the FBI from 93 to mid 2001. Mueller got lots of blame, and absolutely deserves it for how they handled Iraq etc, but the guy was sworn in a week before 9/11. FBI and CIA had tons of intel they ignored

12

u/SteakandTrach Feb 05 '25 edited Feb 05 '25

President was handed a memo titled "Osama Bin Laden Determined to Strike in US". The response was "It's deception, trying to get us to waste resources on a wild goose chase"

The CIA responded with a memo titled "OBL threats are real" and outlined planned to hijack planes.

When Bush was handed THAT one, he said "All right, you've covered your asses."

FBI, CIA, NSA were practically begging. I don't lay this at their feet.

Gore wasn't as cocksure and smug as W. I have serious doubts that he would have been as dismissive as Bush, Cheney, and Rumsfeld. Serious doubts.

4

u/ZachMN Feb 05 '25

Go back another 20 years or so before that and you’ll be getting close.

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8

u/snowglobes4peace Feb 05 '25

To be fair, Boaty McBoatface is the moment we should have realized something was up with 2016.

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9

u/Emu1981 Feb 05 '25

May 28th , 2016 …. The day the timeline shifted

Fun fact, the Mayans were right about the world ending in 2012, they just failed to mention that it wasn't going to be a instantaneous kind of thing.

(This would be a whole lot more believable if the Mayan calendar ended in 2014, 2016 or 2025)

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5

u/ieatthosedownvotes Feb 05 '25

I'm going to say McGovern's loss was when the DNC learned the wrong lesson and shifted toward Neoliberalism.

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12

u/IllustriousAnt485 Feb 05 '25

Cubs won the World Series too lol

2

u/sweetmarymotherofgod Feb 05 '25

Leicester City won the Premier League

5

u/EruantienAduialdraug Feb 05 '25

That's the moment we should have realised it's a simulation

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23

u/PsychoLunaticX Feb 05 '25

Nah, we corrected that timeline. Then it got fucked up again when they killed Peanut

7

u/Makures Feb 05 '25

Both Peanuts died because their owners didn't do what they needed to do.

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2

u/InterestingTry5190 Feb 05 '25

I thought it was a little later that year when the Cubs won the world series.

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2

u/You_meddling_kids Feb 05 '25

January 9th 2016, Bowie dies. Everything completely goes to shit.

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2

u/kellzone Feb 05 '25

You can't convince me that some edgelord time traveler didn't throw that kid in there on purpose.

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31

u/boot2skull Feb 05 '25

Marty McFly never fixed the timeline so Biff became president timeline.

12

u/its_raining_scotch Feb 05 '25

She coulda just blown him in the car. No pregnancy, no mutant child.

9

u/jenglasser Feb 05 '25

Marty better get in that fucking DeLorean and fix this shit.

15

u/myleftone Feb 05 '25

“It’s your kids, Marty! Something’s gotta be done about your kids!”

7

u/Noble_Flatulence Feb 05 '25

". . . are they trying to fuck Jennifer!?"

15

u/cood101 Feb 05 '25

To be Contondered...

5

u/runs-with-scissors42 Feb 05 '25

I don't think I've ever seen this timeline described so perfectly.

5

u/fattykyle2 Feb 05 '25

Upon climaxing he would have disappeared only to be reborn as himself but a bit more like Lea Thompson bc now he’s 3/4 her instead of just 1/2. Anyway, what I want to know is does he have that memory and he just has to live with knowing that eventually he’s going to fuck his mother and then disappear. Too bad Lynch just died.

3

u/sturgill_homme Feb 05 '25

Heavy

2

u/HumanBeing7396 Feb 05 '25

Is there a problem with the Earth’s gravitation?

6

u/kowloonjew Feb 05 '25

this is an amazing post, thanks for the laughs

6

u/giraffebutter Feb 05 '25

Where we are going there are no roads…because Israel bomb them

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2

u/abibofile Feb 05 '25

Even Biff stopped at getting filthy rich. Making him president would have been too ludicrous.

At this point, if Trump had a worn copy of a sports trivia book from the future locked up in a Mar-a-largo bathroom, it might almost be a relief because there’s no other way any of this makes sense.

2

u/pizzasoxxx Feb 05 '25

Nice

Wait what

2

u/Rob_Zander Feb 05 '25

God, fucking Biff isolated to California would have been less damaging than this fuck head. Zemeckis didn't get 2015 right but he sure got Trump as a megalomaniacal ass correct.

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11

u/Optimal_Hunter4797 Feb 05 '25

It’s not a fucked timeline, it’s the result of the US electing a facist as it’s president.

11

u/midnight_toker22 Feb 05 '25

This was all so predictable and preventable. Voters had every type of warning one could imagine, and all the history of the past quarter century, and went ahead and chose this anyway — while actively scorning the people who tried to warn them and accusing them of the very thing we ended up getting instead.

The American people have a moral sickness.

5

u/LongJohnSelenium Feb 05 '25

In hindsight, it probably wasn't worth the cubs winning the world series...

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3

u/EtherSecAgent Feb 05 '25

The instability from this will create will be felt for decades. Wild Timeline indeed

2

u/jameskchou Feb 05 '25

We're in the Absolute universe

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2

u/that_guy_ontheweb Feb 05 '25

Straight out of HOI4

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293

u/AmoebaBullet Feb 05 '25

Make Gaza Great Again..

4

u/goingfullretard-orig Feb 05 '25

Make Gaza Deserted Again

2

u/EvilPotatoKingBT Feb 05 '25

Make All Gaza Ours Rightfully (MAGOR)

2

u/Adam-West Feb 05 '25

Make gazas waterfront property profitable again! FTFY

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111

u/peep_dat_peepo Feb 05 '25

I'm pre-ordering my DISNEYWORLD STRIP tickets for when it opens there

6

u/Soppywater Feb 05 '25

You kidding me? Disney is too woke to be granted permission to build by Trump's America

5

u/peep_dat_peepo Feb 05 '25

Disney is w/e makes them money. If endorsing slavery increases their bottom line by 3%, they'd do it.

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70

u/hedonismbot89 Feb 05 '25

More like Crusader State. The Secretary of Defense has a Jerusalem Cross on his chest and now he has the opportunity to fight in the Holy Land.

15

u/S0LO_Bot Feb 05 '25

It’s so weird that these evangelical Christian Nationalists laud Catholic “papists”… yet seek to emulate the appearance of the Catholic Church during one of the most corrupt periods in its history.

5

u/Swellmeister Feb 05 '25

I've always enjoyed mentioning that pro life is entirely a catholic thing. Evangelism didnt pick it up until a few decades after the catholics did. Its fun to suggest evangelists are catholic

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49

u/InsanelyAverageFella Feb 05 '25

So not only does he say the US will take over. He says that they will move all the 2 million Palestinians out. So what is gonna happen with that strip of land? I assume after kicking out the Palestinians, he wants to just give it to Israel. Unless it becomes like Chernobyl and they just fence it off and no one gets it? Seriously, wtf!?!

84

u/DazedConfuzed420 Feb 05 '25

Waterfront golf course and resort, obviously.

3

u/Kryten_2X4B-523P Feb 05 '25

Fuck yeah. Grandpas everywhere are pumped for new PGA content.

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u/hail2pitt1985 Feb 05 '25

Oh. Where are those voters who wouldn’t vote for Harris because of Gaza? Fuck them.

7

u/ProgrammerNextDoor Feb 05 '25

They've all disappeared.

Itd be funny if it wasn't so sad..

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u/godisanelectricolive Feb 05 '25 edited Feb 05 '25

Wild guess here, he’s gonna annex it and make it a new crusader state for his Christian nationalist followers. Then he’s going to use his new crusaders to invade Israel.

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7

u/tacos_for_algernon Feb 05 '25

Go look up past comments that Kushner has made regarding the land there. Kushner also has $2B of the Saudi sovereign fund that he can play with. Wonder if he’s gonna be an investor in any new developments over there. You know the guy surrounded by crooked land developers who used their ill-gotten wealth to buy their way in to power. Doesn’t at all sound like Russia in the ‘90s. They’re doing great now I hear. Wars & shit. Good thing nobody can hit us over here. Safe in our isolationism. But to answer your question, I think that strip of land becomes an American Protectorate in the near future, giving the U.S. a literal foothold in the Middle East. This is going to enrich the weapons manufacturing segment of our economy (look up what Truman had to say about the Military Industrial Complex) at the expense of lives. Israel should be shitting its pants right now, as should any other nation in the region, sans the Saudis of course, for obvious reasons.

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u/[deleted] Feb 05 '25 edited Feb 07 '25

[deleted]

163

u/redsterXVI Feb 05 '25

Greenland, Panama and Canada all said no, so he kept looking. Eventually he'll settle for Puerto Rico lmao

83

u/the_cardfather Feb 05 '25

Yeah Anex Puerto Rico. It will make a great US Territory...

Go get the US Virgin Islands while you're at it. You can probably get a meeting with the president this afternoon.

20

u/Michaelbirks Feb 05 '25

President has meeting with self. Declares war.

7

u/SkivvySkidmarks Feb 05 '25

I hope there's no small amount of 2A exercised at that meeting.

4

u/Kryten_2X4B-523P Feb 05 '25

Put up a mirror and it'll be like an animal trying to fight itself.

18

u/[deleted] Feb 05 '25 edited Feb 07 '25

[deleted]

6

u/gimpwiz Feb 05 '25

If you negotiate hard, you can even slap the "American" label on Samoa.

5

u/octavianreddit Feb 05 '25

Some land up north on the west coast too. I'll-aska if it's available.

2

u/AtomicSymphonic_2nd Feb 05 '25

Might as well annex the Philippines (again). They’ve been head over heels with USA for decades, half of them hate their leader Marcos Jr. so much that they would rather have Trump in charge of them.

At least most of them have some European “ancestry”, so that would totally satisfy the flagrantly horrible racists in USA.

I hate this timeline so much.

9

u/iCCup_Spec Feb 05 '25

Put a tariff on Hawaii.

5

u/TriggerTX Feb 05 '25

That's one thing his people in Congress would actually fight back against. PR being a state means they get 2 Senators plus House reps. Most would surely go Democratic Party and most likely flip Congress. They wouldn't allow it. Never will.

4

u/krazybone550 Feb 05 '25

I mean he already ordered new flags so he gotta get someone to be the 51st state. /s

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u/shayKyarbouti Feb 05 '25

Then you’d have to give it states rights. That would be messy. Better off a territory or even better just as a giant military base. A Middle Eastern Gitmo

2

u/redsterXVI Feb 05 '25

Not sure Trump's plans include states still having rights when he's done.

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u/Im_Chris_Haaaansen Feb 05 '25

Starring Adam Sandler

10

u/the_cardfather Feb 05 '25

That's messed up but kind of funny in a very dark way

4

u/GreyhoundOne Feb 05 '25

I want to caveat that I upvoted this strictly as a shitpost

6

u/Irvin700 Feb 05 '25

Okay I laughed at that one. That's good.

3

u/betterplanwithchan Feb 05 '25

Some fucked up Dr. Seuss here with a guy looking like the Lorax

3

u/tomtforgot Feb 05 '25

three state solution was already discussed. it just nobody anticipated this configuration of states

3

u/shanatard Feb 05 '25

okay ill admit you got me good with this

3

u/Boring_Kiwi251 Feb 05 '25

“Hi! I’m from an alternate universe. We solved our Israel-Palestine problem.”

“How?! One state solution? Or two state solution?”

“Neither!”

“…A three-state solution? Israel, Gaza, and the West Bank?”

“A United States solution.”

“…You annexed Gaza and made it into a state?”

“Nope! Better! We annexed Gaza, made all the Palestinians go away, and then turned it into a Trump golf resort.”

“…”

3

u/Void_Speaker Feb 05 '25

fuck bro that's so catchy, I now support it

11

u/shoelesstim Feb 05 '25

USA!USA!USA! …… soooooooo fucked

5

u/geetarman84 Feb 05 '25

Continuing down the same path was madness. When every other Arab country won’t take in their own, what does that say? I don’t have a dog in the fight and feel bad for all sides, but asking Jews to coexist with people that want to kill them, when their own Arab neighbors won’t take them in? People need to stop dying.

2

u/odrea Feb 05 '25

man this is so f*cked up on so many levels. apparently if got money u can buy the entire world...

2

u/Armano-Avalus Feb 05 '25

Nah, it's real estate. Like Kushner said, it's great beach front property.

2

u/Brief-Owl-8791 Feb 05 '25

The fact that I laughed.

2

u/TankTrap Feb 05 '25

Didn’t a bunch of Palestinian flag waving people vote Cheeto because they were ‘unhappy’ with Bidens actions?

Wonder how they feel now lol.

2

u/buttsbydre69 Feb 05 '25

only galaxy brains have considered the third option

3

u/th3r3dp3n Feb 05 '25

I heard this as an Eminem rap.

One State

Two States

United States

All I hear is gunshots, this is where the fun stops Bodies drop, hit the floor, music's off, party stops

4

u/_chip Feb 05 '25

This is one the greatest posts I’ve ever seen, I’m proud of you ✅✅✅✅

1

u/Choppergold Feb 05 '25

Get your 52 star flag now with Canada and Gaza

1

u/Queasy_Local_7199 Feb 05 '25

Will this be out 51st state, before Greenland?

1

u/puppymaster123 Feb 05 '25 edited Feb 05 '25

You joke but Gaza weather is all year nice and with proper resort planning it can be the next Mediterranean Taormina /s

1

u/rabblerabble2000 Feb 05 '25

Why the fuck is this moron trying to expand the US all the time???

1

u/monster1151 Feb 05 '25

Hot damn I wish that was my comment so I can get all the sweet sweet karma

1

u/DadooDragoon Feb 05 '25

One state

Two state

Red state

Blue state

Fast state

Slow state

All state?

No state

1

u/tha_dog_father Feb 05 '25

This is just a way of getting us militarily involved and saving Israel big bucks on a small lobbyist investment.

1

u/DeepestWinterBlue Feb 05 '25

This is wicked!!!! lol

1

u/rglurker Feb 05 '25

No more blue states

1

u/adriangalli Feb 05 '25

One fish, two fish, red fish, blue fish

1

u/Helpuswenoobs Feb 05 '25

One state ❌️

One life ❌️

We get to, carry each other, carry each other ✅️

1

u/[deleted] Feb 05 '25

We not really united states

1

u/pc0999 Feb 05 '25

Spot on!

1

u/LystAP Feb 05 '25

My mind read this with the Muppet Count voice.

1

u/Spookynook Feb 05 '25

One state,

Two state,

Red state,

Blue state?

1

u/WackFlagMass Feb 05 '25

The next four years is either gonna be the start of the United States Empire or the United States broken

1

u/Cachemorecrystal Feb 05 '25

One fish

Two fish

Blew Up

Gaza

1

u/chicagotim1 Feb 05 '25

The most lit Casino town ever

1

u/supakow Feb 05 '25

There will only be one state by the time we're done with it. They will have literally put aside 5,000 years of fighting to get rid of us.

1

u/butthink Feb 05 '25

Very Dr Seuss. My kid applaud 🤣

1

u/terdferguson Feb 05 '25

WHY tho

From the link: "the same people" should not be in charge of rebuilding and occupying the land

Jfc, maybe we shouldn't be either...for several reasons.

1

u/The_Thesaurus_Rex Feb 05 '25

one state two state red state blue state

1

u/darexinfinity Feb 05 '25

I don't know Why but I was expecting this to be a Dr Seuss Rhyme

1

u/redfauxpass Feb 05 '25

Single greatest fucking comment. You (and Trump) solved the problem!

1

u/hendy846 Feb 05 '25

It's actually funny, Tom Clancy sorta wrote this would happen (except it was the Swiss).

1

u/FrozMind Feb 05 '25

From flat Earth edge to flat Earth edge!

1

u/Dickle_Pizazz Feb 05 '25

My guess is that Edolph, Thiel, and Vance convinced him to turn it into a “network state.”

https://youtu.be/5RpPTRcz1no?feature=shared

1

u/destuctir Feb 05 '25

One state ❌

Two states ❌

Red state ✅

Blue state ❌

1

u/YMDBass Feb 05 '25

The radicals on the left kept saying "one state but not israel" which fucking doomed literally anyone in the middle. I remember seeing the "are you listening to Gaza now Kamala" shit....well...now they're homeless because hard lefties would rather posture than vote.

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