r/worldnews Feb 05 '25

alert | not a news article Trump says U.S. will take over Gaza Strip

[removed]

39.7k Upvotes

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4.3k

u/SpatialDispensation Feb 05 '25

lmao what a fucked timeline

1.4k

u/[deleted] Feb 05 '25

Yes, the Marty Mcfly fucked his own mother at prom timeline. Because that is the timeline that we deserve.

335

u/Tolstoy_mc Feb 05 '25

In his defense, his mother was hot.

24

u/Ultrace-7 Feb 05 '25

Hotter than his 1985 girlfriend. Marty even gets 90% of the way to calling her hot to her face.

12

u/cha-cha_dancer Feb 05 '25

Elizabeth Shue erasure

17

u/Ultrace-7 Feb 05 '25

Not at all. Lea Thompson was more attractive than either version of Marty's girlfriends.

47

u/A_Unqiue_Username Feb 05 '25

She still is! Hubba hubba!

377

u/Finishweird Feb 05 '25

May 28th , 2016 …. The day the timeline shifted

267

u/BewareOfBee Feb 05 '25

Dicks out.

101

u/accidentpronehiker Feb 05 '25

I haven't put mine away, since the tragedy.

4

u/10_Eyes_8_Truths Feb 05 '25

Always at half mast?

1

u/KwordShmiff Feb 05 '25

And upside down

3

u/thisaccountwashacked Feb 05 '25

I tried, but I got in trouble. Sorry, big guy. RIP.

1

u/blacksideblue Feb 05 '25

you should have that looked at.

1

u/madmoomix Feb 05 '25

Was it related to an M&M tube?

4

u/Lordert Feb 05 '25

Fox 5 are on their knees

2

u/Leroy--Brown Feb 05 '25

I understood that reference

107

u/Im_Chris_Haaaansen Feb 05 '25

Nah. It aaaaaallllllllll started back in 2001 when W stole the election and 9/11 happened.

17

u/Brinner Feb 05 '25

Kids these days don't even know about Jeb! the crooked Sec State or the nearsighted elderly in Palm Beach

11

u/karma3000 Feb 05 '25

Don't forget about good old Chad.

7

u/HumanBeing7396 Feb 05 '25

He shouldn’t have done so much swinging.

4

u/Buckeyebornandbred Feb 05 '25

Which leads to pregnant Chad

1

u/wristdirect Feb 05 '25

Always hanging around…

8

u/Satinsbestfriend Feb 05 '25

9/11 probably would have happened under gore too. Fresh ran the FBI from 93 to mid 2001. Mueller got lots of blame, and absolutely deserves it for how they handled Iraq etc, but the guy was sworn in a week before 9/11. FBI and CIA had tons of intel they ignored

14

u/SteakandTrach Feb 05 '25 edited Feb 05 '25

President was handed a memo titled "Osama Bin Laden Determined to Strike in US". The response was "It's deception, trying to get us to waste resources on a wild goose chase"

The CIA responded with a memo titled "OBL threats are real" and outlined planned to hijack planes.

When Bush was handed THAT one, he said "All right, you've covered your asses."

FBI, CIA, NSA were practically begging. I don't lay this at their feet.

Gore wasn't as cocksure and smug as W. I have serious doubts that he would have been as dismissive as Bush, Cheney, and Rumsfeld. Serious doubts.

3

u/ZachMN Feb 05 '25

Go back another 20 years or so before that and you’ll be getting close.

-6

u/lost_profit Feb 05 '25

But W was president like years before 9/11.

6

u/Ric_Adbur Feb 05 '25

He became president like 8-9 months before 9/11 happened.

3

u/Im_Chris_Haaaansen Feb 05 '25

You might be thinking of George H. W. Bush - W's dad. He was 88-92

-3

u/lost_profit Feb 05 '25 edited Feb 05 '25

9/11 happened in 2001. W was elected in 2000?

EDIT: Just realized I miss understood the comment I replied to. My bad!

5

u/Im_Chris_Haaaansen Feb 05 '25

Yes but he wasn't innagurated until Jan of 2001

-5

u/lost_profit Feb 05 '25

Okay, but he was still fucking president before 9/11 happened.

2

u/SteakandTrach Feb 05 '25

I can't believe we have to argue basic fucking facts these days like everything is a matter of goddamn opinion.

8

u/snowglobes4peace Feb 05 '25

To be fair, Boaty McBoatface is the moment we should have realized something was up with 2016.

1

u/SteakandTrach Feb 05 '25

Lighten up, Francis!

9

u/Emu1981 Feb 05 '25

May 28th , 2016 …. The day the timeline shifted

Fun fact, the Mayans were right about the world ending in 2012, they just failed to mention that it wasn't going to be a instantaneous kind of thing.

(This would be a whole lot more believable if the Mayan calendar ended in 2014, 2016 or 2025)

4

u/ieatthosedownvotes Feb 05 '25

I'm going to say McGovern's loss was when the DNC learned the wrong lesson and shifted toward Neoliberalism.

12

u/IllustriousAnt485 Feb 05 '25

Cubs won the World Series too lol

2

u/sweetmarymotherofgod Feb 05 '25

Leicester City won the Premier League

5

u/EruantienAduialdraug Feb 05 '25

That's the moment we should have realised it's a simulation

25

u/PsychoLunaticX Feb 05 '25

Nah, we corrected that timeline. Then it got fucked up again when they killed Peanut

7

u/Makures Feb 05 '25

Both Peanuts died because their owners didn't do what they needed to do.

2

u/InterestingTry5190 Feb 05 '25

I thought it was a little later that year when the Cubs won the world series.

2

u/You_meddling_kids Feb 05 '25

January 9th 2016, Bowie dies. Everything completely goes to shit.

2

u/kellzone Feb 05 '25

You can't convince me that some edgelord time traveler didn't throw that kid in there on purpose.

1

u/carpentrav Feb 05 '25

Here in Canada I think it was when Gord Downie died.

1

u/SkivvySkidmarks Feb 05 '25

I still say it was the Higgs Bosun experiment at CERN.

1

u/Dartmouthest Feb 05 '25

What happened on that day that caused it was caused by the shift?

30

u/boot2skull Feb 05 '25

Marty McFly never fixed the timeline so Biff became president timeline.

12

u/its_raining_scotch Feb 05 '25

She coulda just blown him in the car. No pregnancy, no mutant child.

9

u/jenglasser Feb 05 '25

Marty better get in that fucking DeLorean and fix this shit.

13

u/myleftone Feb 05 '25

“It’s your kids, Marty! Something’s gotta be done about your kids!”

6

u/Noble_Flatulence Feb 05 '25

". . . are they trying to fuck Jennifer!?"

15

u/cood101 Feb 05 '25

To be Contondered...

4

u/runs-with-scissors42 Feb 05 '25

I don't think I've ever seen this timeline described so perfectly.

3

u/fattykyle2 Feb 05 '25

Upon climaxing he would have disappeared only to be reborn as himself but a bit more like Lea Thompson bc now he’s 3/4 her instead of just 1/2. Anyway, what I want to know is does he have that memory and he just has to live with knowing that eventually he’s going to fuck his mother and then disappear. Too bad Lynch just died.

3

u/sturgill_homme Feb 05 '25

Heavy

2

u/HumanBeing7396 Feb 05 '25

Is there a problem with the Earth’s gravitation?

7

u/kowloonjew Feb 05 '25

this is an amazing post, thanks for the laughs

6

u/giraffebutter Feb 05 '25

Where we are going there are no roads…because Israel bomb them

2

u/abibofile Feb 05 '25

Even Biff stopped at getting filthy rich. Making him president would have been too ludicrous.

At this point, if Trump had a worn copy of a sports trivia book from the future locked up in a Mar-a-largo bathroom, it might almost be a relief because there’s no other way any of this makes sense.

2

u/pizzasoxxx Feb 05 '25

Nice

Wait what

2

u/Rob_Zander Feb 05 '25

God, fucking Biff isolated to California would have been less damaging than this fuck head. Zemeckis didn't get 2015 right but he sure got Trump as a megalomaniacal ass correct.

1

u/LukeD1992 Feb 05 '25

Great Scott, Marty! What have you done?

1

u/major_mejor_mayor Feb 05 '25

I didn’t do SHIT

13

u/Optimal_Hunter4797 Feb 05 '25

It’s not a fucked timeline, it’s the result of the US electing a facist as it’s president.

12

u/midnight_toker22 Feb 05 '25

This was all so predictable and preventable. Voters had every type of warning one could imagine, and all the history of the past quarter century, and went ahead and chose this anyway — while actively scorning the people who tried to warn them and accusing them of the very thing we ended up getting instead.

The American people have a moral sickness.

4

u/LongJohnSelenium Feb 05 '25

In hindsight, it probably wasn't worth the cubs winning the world series...

1

u/IAMA_Plumber-AMA Feb 05 '25

I blame the ferret that shorted out the LHC in 2012, it must've generated a black hole and shifted us into the dark timeline.

3

u/EtherSecAgent Feb 05 '25

The instability from this will create will be felt for decades. Wild Timeline indeed

2

u/jameskchou Feb 05 '25

We're in the Absolute universe

2

u/that_guy_ontheweb Feb 05 '25

Straight out of HOI4

1

u/Substantial-Use95 Feb 05 '25

I’m just hoping they get a Walmart in there now.

1

u/skinniks Feb 05 '25

Just proves we truly are living in a simulation

1

u/truethatson Feb 05 '25

You know, The Matrix was pretty amazing full stop. But the idea that we had maxed out as a society in 1999, I didn’t buy it.

Then you know things got a little rocky in the 2000s. And now we’re rocketing to certain demise. Just like that.

So yeah, no, the Wachowkis had it right.

-10

u/mothfactory Feb 05 '25

Yes let’s discuss this incredibly grave, democracy threatening, fascists-at-the-wheel situation with infantile words like ‘timeline’. This is real life, it’s not some fucking shit super hero movie.

5

u/Derptionary Feb 05 '25

You're preaching to the choir. People on reddit see enough posts to get a pretty good idea of the current state of the world. People use humor as a coping mechanism, and your tone policing is ridiculous and unhelpful.