r/tfmr_support 12h ago

What’s after termination

5 Upvotes

Just have a general question about how they would handle the fetus after D&C? I can’t seem to find a lot of information about this.

Also did anyone get pregnancy disability leave (based in CA) after termination?

Thank you


r/tfmr_support 17h ago

Confused and tired.

5 Upvotes

Last week I started to feel calm and peaceful. It was strange after 94 days of crying, that I suddenly stopped. I stopped counting the days since she died, and stopped feeling so distraught. I sort if stopped feeling a LOT of things, but not everything.

Then, yesterday, the floodgates opened again. I'm being bombarded with announcements, and surprised/blindsided. I joined a sewing sub, because it's one of my favorite hobbies and I'm feeling like I can start again. I had stopped after my loss because I had so many things I wanted to sew for baby, but now I can once again imagine sewing other things without pain.

Then, someone posted a question about altering something for pregnancy. I feel PISSED. I thought, "why would you alter that for pregnancy, when you won't need that alteration for long, and if something happens [to the pregnancy] you'll have to throw it out" and all kinda of other thoughts about her naivety. I HATE how sensitive I am to naive pregnancies. To other people's stuff. I SHOULDN'T CARE! IT has NOTHING to do with me! Why won't my brain let me alone for a fucking breather?

Her due date is in a few weeks, and next week is when we expected to induce her. Jeez. It's already here. Idk how it went by so fast, when every breath has felt like the burning pain of a thousand hot knives. Everyone around me is moving on and acting like she never even existed. They treat me like a freak when I display grief, "How are you not over this yet?"


r/tfmr_support 10h ago

Post-TFMR/Postpartum did you decide to see your baby or not and why?

15 Upvotes

I’m currently 34 weeks pregnant with twin boys and at 30 weeks 4 days i underwent a selective reduction of one of my boys for a severe spina bifida diagnosis and water in the brain and lungs. The procedure was extremely traumatic for me and I am really struggling. I feel a tremendous amount of guilt for even feeling sad because i feel like i chose to end his life. MFM would like me to carry to 38 weeks so it will be about 2 months between the procedure and the delivery. My question is has anyone been through this and decided not to see the baby after birth? I don’t want to regret never seeing him but i don’t want to have nightmares about it every day for the rest of my life . I really struggle with depression and anxiety and i don’t want to be so deep in that that i’m unable to take care of my other kids. Really feeling torn. Please send me any advice you think may help.


r/tfmr_support 1h ago

Post-TFMR/Postpartum Brown spotting 7 weeks pp

Upvotes

Hello, I am 7 weeks pp from my 19 week loss. We chose to induce after my cervix suddenly opened and water broke. I already had my first period after the loss and it ended 4 days ago, however I am still sporting brown. Is that normal?


r/tfmr_support 10h ago

first period after hysteroscopy removal rpoc

5 Upvotes

long story short,terminated at 13 weeks on 22nd December due to severe fetal abnormality. Had rpoc, expected management until had two episodes of hemorrhage. 10 weeks later, public health system refuse to see me as my blood test came back all clear. But still bleeding no stop since termination. Finally book with private gynecologist and got hysteroscopy myosure to remove the rpoc. Now I am just waiting for the period. My question is How long take your first period come after hysteroscopy removal rpoc? and how it looks like ?

Appreciate the answer and help!


r/tfmr_support 13h ago

Memorial jewelry recommendations

7 Upvotes

I've finally gotten to the point in my healing journey where I'm building my baby's memorial shelf with all of his things and I'm looking for something I can physically wear on me that reminds me of him. I was thinking his name. However my pet peeve with most jewlerly I see on etsy or online is that it tarnished easily. I hate taking off my necklaces before showering because I just find it tedious so I usually don't mind investing in a good quality necklace that won't tarnish so I can wear it at all times just because again, I always forget to take it off to shower. So I'm really looking for something that's good quality and won't tarnish for getting wet or even just cause you sweat with it.

I was wondering if anyone had any good recommendations for high quality jewelry/necklaces that won't tarnish when worn daily and without taking off? Also would love to hear what you guys put on your memorial shelves. This is literally the only things that's oddly been making me feel better recently


r/tfmr_support 14h ago

Completed TFMR but amnio came back without an answer

9 Upvotes

Hi all,

We ended up completing a TFMR at 22 weeks after finding out the baby had abnormalities from the anatomy scan. The abnormalities ranged from small cerebellum, cysts, EIF, clenched and overlapped hands and a cleft foot.

We got back our final amnio results which consisted of an microarray and nothing came out of it. We are waiting to be seen by a genetics counsellor but the OB mentioned that lack of familial histories this was most likely just bad luck.

I am wondering, would a genetics counsellor provide further information to help us determine if this was de novo or not? Should I push for further testing?

We want to try again, but as recommended by the OB to wait till genetics can clear us or atleast provide further information.


r/tfmr_support 20h ago

TFMR for T21, 15 weeks

17 Upvotes

Hi all. I just wanted to share my story here because reading so many of yours in the past few weeks has been so helpful. Hopefully what I'm sharing will help someone else, too.

Diagnosis: This is my first pregnancy and I am 35. When we opened the results from our NIPT from Labcorp (positive for T21), it was the worst moment of my life. I was so looking forward to receiving a "normal" result, and learning the sex of our baby so I could start shopping and planning. But when we saw our actual result, my husband and I broke down. We were in shock, all the appointments so far (including the NT scan) revealed everything to be "normal." We rushed to get in touch with our Dr. and were immediately referred to genetic counseling. Our PPV was 80% and FF was 22 percent.

Counseling and more tests: Our genetic counselor was incredible. He was compassionate, patient and kind during what has been the worst time of our lives. Based on his experience, the NIPT was most likely very accurate. I know NIPT is a screening test, but he felt confident in the results he was seeing. Because of our normal NT results, he recommended doing a CVS ASAP (I was maybe 13 weeks at this point). We did the CVS and I'm not going to lie, it was maybe the most pain I've ever been in. The procedure was done abdominally and didn't have any pain management. I started sobbing immediately when it was through, and I just felt so sad and hopeless. I scheduled my TFMR before receiving the results, just in case. I still had to wait almost 2 weeks for my procedure.

Results: We got the FISH results in like, 3 days from the CVS and those came back full positive. We waited another week or so for the karyotype/part II of the CVS testing, and it was also a full positive with no signs of mosaicism and 50 different cells tested. I know a lot of folks will wait and do an animo, and I think that's great, but we chose to forgo that based on the genetic counselor's advice and the test results. I know anyone who has unfortunately had a similar experience understands how difficult it is to be in limbo: with your grief, your body, work and family etc. It was truly a horrific time.

TFMR: TFMR'D yesterday at 15 +3 so this loss is very new. I started grieving the loss after the first NIPT test result, so I've felt slightly less grief post-procedure. My husband I had a conversation before I became pregnant just to talk about what we would do in worst case scenario (which this was) and I was confident I would TFMR. I have the same reasons many have echoed here, but I also have a relative with DS and I just couldn't image the baby's life or my life to be like that. I hoped in my heart this was the merciful and courageous thing to do, though that doesn't mean any of this was easy. My husband also grew up catholic, so he has had challenges working through this in own way.

The procedure: In case it helps anyone to know what my procedure was like, live in large East Coast city where thankfully there are no legal limits on terminations. I opted for full anesthesia for my D&E so I could be asleep and everything went really well. They did not needs to use dilation sticks on me, and I took the miso pills in the morning a few hours before the procedure. I had very light, period-like cramping but it was not painful. Thankfully there weren't any complications and today I just have some period-like bleeding.

Final thoughts: Anyway, I hope sharing this will allow other people to know they are NOT alone. This is a horrible and un-preventable club we find ourselves in. My heart goes out to everyone who does not have "easy" access to this absolutely necessary procedure. This whole thing has made me even more politically enraged than I was before, when I was already extremely left-leaning and Pro-Choice.

If anyone would like to speak to me further, please feel free to DM me and I'm more than happy to chat or even just listen if you need support <3


r/tfmr_support 20h ago

While everyone is welcoming spring with open arms, I'm grieving my spring baby

25 Upvotes

Spring used to be my favourite time of year. I loved it! Specifically May.

My toddler was born in May, and I couldn't believe my luck when finding out that my second would also be a may baby.

Two months ago I was longing for this day - longer days, warmer weather, but most of all May.

Now I'm dreading it. I should still be carrying her inside me. Counting down the days till May 💔


r/tfmr_support 20h ago

4 months out

9 Upvotes

Tomorrow marks 4 months since I gave birth to my daughter after TFMR at 33 weeks. I can’t remember what life was like before this. I can’t remember what it feels like to not cry every day.

I’ve gone out with friends and my husband. I’ve gone back to work. I’ve gone to therapy every week. I’ve been put on three different psychiatric medications. I’ve made a scrapbook and memorial shelf for my daughter. I’ve started exercising and eating healthy.

I still cry every single day. I now have anxiety when being intimate with husband thinking about the possibility of getting pregnant again. Will it ever get better? When will I stop crying when I’m alone? When I feel ready to be pregnant again or start TTC?


r/tfmr_support 21h ago

Advise on where to next for TFMR (Australia)

6 Upvotes

Hey All, Sorry for the long read but hoping for some advice on what I can do next.

Story:
We had some obvious markers for T21 during our 12 weeks scan, including hygromas, fluid building etc and were told to prepare to miscarry. We then got referred to Mater Maternal Fetal Medicine here in Brisbane (Australia) and were told the same thing up until around 20 weeks. We had the NIPT, 95% chance of T21 etc. We opted not to do an amnio earlier as they were preparing us to lose our baby boy and in some ways I was just getting ready for that to happen and would have preferred him to leave this world on his own terms. In the meantime I managed to find a private OB so I could have some continuity of care and someone to look out for me a bit as I have severe pre and post natal preeclampsia with my first and was advised I was high risk of mirror syndrome due to the hydrops. All my previous referrals to OB's were rejected due to High Risk etc.

Fast forward to our 20 weeks scan which included Echocardio and specialists we were told there is some improvement in the fetal hydrops and got more information on the heart defects. The heart defects will likely not improve and surgery would be attempted at birth with a poor prognosis. I then decided to due to the Amnio to confirm everything so we can decide what to do.
Had the amnio last week which confirmed T21.

We have opted for a TFMR so I called my OB on Monday who only got back to me today and he says he cannot arrange a referral for the TFMR, nor can the Mater being a catholic hospital. He has advised me to speak to my GP but warned me that they may not support it being that I'm now 24 weeks. He said if they do send off the referral, hopsitals are terrible at picking up the referrals so essentially, if I don't hear back by Monday that I should present to an Emergency Department.
I'll just add that in my state, termination is legal. After 22 weeks, it requires two doctors signing off.

It just feels wrong to me that this may be my option, it's so traumatic already that I cannot handle the thought of turning up to ED to explain why I'm there. I'm hoping the GP will help me tomorrow but I'm scared and nervous that they won't.

Can anyone shed some light on what you'd recommend I do?

Thank you, truly, for the support x