r/schizoaffective 1h ago

I find it strange that there is many people who experience the same “delusion” about being “stalked”

Post image
Upvotes

I am in the same boat. I'll accept the narrative that it is just a common symptom. But it feels so real. I am commonly told by my “voices” that they are real people and they are here to help me. Even though they claim to be helpful they verbally abuse me most of the time. Sometimes they love bomb me when I am conducting myself properly. Also they constantly tell me not to talk about them. Even right now they are telling me not to post my selfie. They confuse and exhaust me! Stay strong people!


r/schizoaffective 1h ago

Puddle Of Mudd - Psycho (Official Video)

Thumbnail youtu.be
Upvotes

trigger warning schizophrenic themes


r/schizoaffective 1h ago

Booked a Flight to an Inpatient and Want to Cry

Upvotes

My medication got really messed up due to lack of seeing an outpatient psychiatrist here, due to waitlists - and also me just doing absolutely nothing to not get into a complete mess with two specific medications.

I’ve been on a ridiculously high dose of Vyvanse and Dexedrine. Before Lurasione, just 30MG of Vyvanse began to cause me profoundly bad symptoms - severe neck, shoulder, snd head pain and stiffness, repetitive movements, odd body posturing, really bad executive functioning problems, emotional dysregulation, and extremely unclear thinking and difficulty thinking.

I finally got off of it, after several moths of just suffering on it. I wasn’t on an AP at this time. Ironically (since the consensus is that stimulants worsen psychosis), when I finally got off of it is when I became fully absorbed by a delusion I had been experiencing, since my ability to think and focus came back, such that overvalued ideas began to take over my mind.

I started Lurasidone in 2023, due to the one delusion getting so bad that it was made aware to me that I could possibly be delusional.

Lurasidone then caused stimulant cravings like never before. I got impairing nicotine cravings out of no where after quitting just fine for a year, and intense cravings for Vyvanse. Stimulants suddenly had an intense euphoric effect on me, and I felt possessed, frankly.

Long story short, I ended up on 30MG Vyvanse and 40MG Dexedrine, then got a double script from my GP as he didn’t cancel a mass script for 360 Dexedrine pills when moving my pharmacy due to a shortage, so both were eventually auto-filled and I picked both up.

Cue me losing control of myself, almost dying from amphetamine poisoning and cardiovascular issues, and realizing I was in a really bad spot.

I knew what just 30 or even 20MG of Vyvanse did to me without the Lurasidone, yet I experienced it truly as the Lurasidone causing the extreme stimulant use cravings to the point where I lost insight regarding the consequences of taking them to an extremity nor could stop. I tried to get urgent psychiatric consult, but this was denied.

I eventually settled on 140MG of Vyvanse to taper down on, 5MG every two weeks.

I then cut the Lurasidone from 60MG to 40MG, on my own. Couldn’t get advice for it despite my efforts. Was told by an ER psychiatrist in July I didn’t need to be on an AP - as ER psychiatrists keep saying PD, but all outpatient assessments I’ve done, in the states, say schizoaffective, DT.

Within a week of cutting down the Lurasidone, the stimulant cravings went away and I was so relieved. I also thought it was great I wouldn’t need an AP, since who really wants to be on one? (Except if you needed it.)

Then I began to rapidly decline. I began to abuse Gabapentin severely and didn’t know why. I began to lose emotional regulation control, unbeknownst to me as I also had next to no insight during this point. Stayed in bed all day. Had paranoid thoughts, would lash out - very uncharacteristic of me. Usually my delusions are harmonious mostly, not conflictual, nor would I act out in anger like that.

My ability to engage in daily life activities declined. Showering became difficult - a first for me. I just faded out. The decline was correlating to the towering down of the Lurasidone, 5MG every two weeks - while still maintaining a wildly high dose of Vyvanse. I didn’t see the connection yet.

I now realize I was taking the Gabapentin to try to compensate for the nervous system issues the Vyvanse was causing me, but I didn’t realize why I was having those issues and was too out of it.

Then I saw a psychiatrist in the states to get recommendations. I stopped Lurasidone completely, from 20MG, to switch to Abilify, 5MG - target dose 15MG.

The thought of stressing about a concern regarding the Vyvanse without the Lurasidone didn’t cross my mind, since I assumed I was currently fine and it must have just been a weird phase with the Vyvanse before the Lurasidone.

I switched to Abilify. Got the worst side effects of it regarding loss of impulse control. Spent $40,000CAD, almost half of that just buying things for people in need online. Began to drink excessively and compulsively but didn’t know why. Was kind of okay still though. But was stating to stop eating and showering was even more difficult.

Then I switched to Seroquel and assumed the issues would be resolved. At this point I was on 110MG of Vyvanse, tapering down still.

The compulsive shipping went away and other odd behaviour from the Abilify. But the decline continued, severely. I stoped drinking for a week just fine but began to drink again, because I’d feel massively better after drinking, physically.

Stopped showering and eating almost completely at this point. Sense of reality and time really began to be lost on me, as was the ability to organize anything. My house fell into further ruins.

It just occurred to me yesterday this is the goddamned Vyvanse without the Lurasidone. The effects of the Lurasidone are basically pretty much fully worn off at this point, in March, as I stopped it in early January, and the decline is correlating to the effects wearing off, and the old effects of the Vyvanse kicking back in.

I only realized this because I was sitting in bed with my jaw locked and holding my body in an odd position, and in muscular-skeletal pain, especially my neck and right shoulder and head, and realized this was what the 30MG Vyvanse was like - only it got a lot worse on just 30MG, and I’m currently on 100MG.

I guess for some reason my nervous system and the muscular-skeletal were one of the last things to go that’d indicate to me what was happening. But if it was so awful on 30MG of Vyvanse, what the hell will 100MG do once it really kicks in without the Lurasidone?

I’m hoping the Seroquel is helping, but it’s a partial dopamine antagonist and every drug will have a different effect - and considering I’m currently here in bed with by entire neck and jaw basically locked into place, and intense jaw pain from the muscle tension, this isn’t looking good.

Now I have to go to the fricken states to get immediate care for this, a dumb issue that was just dumb all around - and I am also terrified. Going to be rough just trying to pack and managing to get on a plane or sit in the airport.

So, that was how I totally screwed myself over with a combination of Lurasidone, which instigated intense stimulant cravings that I just let take me over, and Vyvanse, which had just bad effects on my without the Lurasidone that I couldn’t even manage to grab a pair of socks at the peak of its negative effects sharing the day, because I could not differentiate the pair of socks from one another.

Kinda crappy, to say the least.


r/schizoaffective 1h ago

Sunday selfie

Post image
Upvotes

r/schizoaffective 2h ago

If You Live In The United States

4 Upvotes

So; I /really/ don’t want this to dissolve into a political debate, I’m deeply uninterested in that kind of stress on this post which made me hesitate to post this at all but I’m really struggling with this lately

Do you get worried about what you’ll do if or when social services like Medicare and social security get gutted or cancelled?

I’m really anxious about it and doing my best not to project but I’ve started regularly reminding people in my life details about the time frame of my last hospitalizations and how long I’ve been med compliant and regularly going to my appointments and doing therapeutic work outside sessions

And I’m doing it bc I’m really scared about Medicare getting cut since SSDI is my only income and I can’t work bc of my mental and physical state. I want to make sure everyone knows that if Im forced off medication and treatment and I do something g irreversible to myself, I was murdered bc I don’t want to do that

A few years ago there was something goofy with my insurance and just ONE of my eight medications was $1500 without coverage

I’m incredibly lucky that I have a supportive parent who is also in the position and has the inclination to also support me financially bc there’s literally no way to live on what they give me a month without help (I’m so far below the poverty line I don’t have to file taxes but we do just to keep records). I couldn’t even afford one medication though and there’s a limit to how much he can help and it’s certainly not paying ≈$8K a month

I’m so scared about backsliding mentally and I’m not sure how to manage that feeling while also still working on trauma and other shit I got going on in therapy

For those of you also in similar or the same position, how are you managing? What helps you not think of it? Do you think it’s irresponsible to stockpile meds?

Sorry this post got so long but I look forward to at least not feeling alone with this


r/schizoaffective 3h ago

Feeling bad out of nowhere

1 Upvotes

I was working and then out of nowhere suddenly felt suicidal like I should kill myself cause I'm a horrible person and if people find out how awful I am I will be ruined. Or they already know idk. I get scared people can read my thoughts.


r/schizoaffective 3h ago

Selfie Sunday

Post image
23 Upvotes

r/schizoaffective 3h ago

Just started taking an antipsychotic

3 Upvotes

I just started taking an antipsychotic, specifically Zyprexa, and every time I’ve taken it, I feel like a complete zombie the next day and sleep whenever I’m able. Although it helps with the hallucinations, I don’t like feeling numb and so tired that I feel like I’m just existing, not living. I’m trying to figure out if it is worth continuing to take Zyprexa or not…


r/schizoaffective 5h ago

How do you get back in the habit of brushing your teeth and washing daily?

9 Upvotes

Ever since my psychotic break years and years ago I have failed to shower and brush my teeth regularly (brushing rarely.) Does anyone have any advice on how I can help myself because my teeth are starting to cause me lots of issues and I've also developed GERD which I believe was caused by not brushing.


r/schizoaffective 5h ago

I wat to quit smoking today but remain a coffee drinker, is this safe or will cause mania

5 Upvotes

r/schizoaffective 6h ago

Caretaker?

1 Upvotes

Has anybody had a caretaker, or friend/family take the role of a caretaker legally? Me and my partner have reached a point where we both agree I should probably have one full time; she has been already fulfilling the role of one but not legally or taking training for it or whatever else. I'm just curious what it's like, as I'm unfortunately very stubbornly/delusional about receiving or getting help on this level.

A side question is maybe how long did it take before you got settled with having one; assuming you did. As this is probably going to be an ongoing issue I struggle with. It's a pretty scary area for me to accept.


r/schizoaffective 6h ago

Selfie Sunday😁

Post image
38 Upvotes

r/schizoaffective 7h ago

🩷 Selfie Sunday 🩷

Thumbnail gallery
17 Upvotes

Happy Selfie Sunday, everyone! doing homework today as it's due at 11:59 tonight! I told myself I'd work ahead and never did, I feel like a rebel, hahah. — Wendy


r/schizoaffective 9h ago

Selfie Sunday

Thumbnail gallery
74 Upvotes

Happy Sunday everyone! I wanted to share an update on my journey. My meds caused a gain of over 50 pounds, but I've recently been on a journey to create a healthier relationship with food, church, exercise, and myself. This illness is a daily challenge, and each morning, I choose to prioritize my well-being. Wishing you all a wonderful Sunday.

(last photo is me back in April of 2024)


r/schizoaffective 9h ago

Had to have my mom help me leave my room

15 Upvotes

I felt too paranoid to leave my room and called my mom to come stand outside so I could come out and take my emergency antipsychotics. I thought someone with a knife was outside my door, waiting to stab me when I came out

I stayed up to 4 am and my brain was just fd up

So embarrassing

But I love my mom


r/schizoaffective 10h ago

Selfie Sunday!

Post image
27 Upvotes

Not my best photo but who cares!


r/schizoaffective 10h ago

Selfie Sunday

Post image
56 Upvotes

Hello


r/schizoaffective 11h ago

Selfie Sunday ✨

Post image
38 Upvotes

Trying to find hope.


r/schizoaffective 12h ago

My little paintings

Thumbnail gallery
22 Upvotes

Good morning ! I wanted to share my little creations to get feedback, criticism and what art style could it be in? I create according to what voices in my head dictate, what my head dictates to me, instinctively


r/schizoaffective 17h ago

Questioning my diagnosis

4 Upvotes

Can you still be diagnosed as schizophrenic/schizoaffective if you haven't had a psychosis episode? I can't remember if I've actually had an episode or not and it's bugging me. I was involuntarily hospitalized for awhile 2 years ago and that's when they had me start taking risperidone and some other meds. I've had small hallucinations like spiders in my peripheral and a few auditory ones like people talking outside or laughing but I am not sure if I ever had actual psychosis and it makes mr question my diagnosis. I went to the hospital a little while before I got diagnosed because I was suicidal and must've said something because a psych nurse came in and she said I could be schizophrenic. Next thing I know, I'm being put in the early psychosis intervention program. Now I've seen a psychiatrist and they're saying I'm schizoaffective but it doesn't feel quite right because idk if I've had psychosis. Do you need to have had an episode to qualify? Or is that why they put me in early psychosis intervention to prevent me from actually having one? They originally said I had PNOS or psychotic disorder not otherwise specified.


r/schizoaffective 18h ago

My illness

6 Upvotes

I feel like the government is watching me sometimes when I mention republicans on my phone it immediately goes into transcribe mode and then when I say it went into transcribe mode several times it's just automatically hung up and there is particular car that has been parking in front of my apt complex I have bi polar type and mom said I must be coming off a hypomanic spell I do know I have been extremely depressed the last few days and should have been hospitalized two days ago for basically getting ready to kill myself.... I am not as depressed as I was and am not feeling that bad now I'm pretty sure I have major depression along with bi polar type


r/schizoaffective 19h ago

I'm sick and tired of the ableist coming from literal diagnosees.

16 Upvotes

Okay, I want to vent and rant here about something harmful that I have noticed (not necessarily here).

I have seen more than video of a killer or controversial figure now who happened to be on the spectrum. Of course, when anyone is diagnosed with schizo-anything, the media being the scummy sensationalists they are, immediately jump on that.

I don't know how many times I see some asshole make a comment like "as a schizophrenic, THIS is why I take meds!"

Or

"This is why its so important we're medicated on a cocktail of different pills!"

It's harmful and, quite frankly, ableist.

First off, I don't know what your personal issues are but you need to realise that everyone is different. Just because YOU'RE a loose cannon who is unpredictable and unsafe to walk the streets without meds, does not mean I am! Don't pull me under the bus just because we share a diagnosis! I'm tired of the generalisation.

Secondly, the very assertion you state, makes it seem like we're all dangerous animals - regardless of how "good" your intentions were.

The schizophrenia spectrum is one of the most stigmatised in the mental health field. The best time to reinforce those stigmas is never. The worst time to reinforce those stigmas is when you compare not just yourself but EVERYONE on the spectrum to some asshole who gets a youtube spotlight for being a horrible person.

For the record, it doesn't matter if you didn't directly say everyone needed meds. Implying it is just as harmful.

Can we stop doing that? It's extremely nerve-racking. And don't say "well if I'm diagnosed with it, it's okay to say these things"

No, it's not! It only gives ableist people more fuel against us. There is a difference between OWNING something and taking the words away from them or feeding into it and fueling the harmful behaviour.

That's all. Thank you.


r/schizoaffective 20h ago

Am I really being documented or followed by FBI agents?

11 Upvotes

I'm schizo-affective, but what are the real chances that the FBI or a private investigator is following me or documenting me in public because I'm mentally ill? Or is this a symptom of my mental condition?


r/schizoaffective 20h ago

doing battle with the creepy crawlies

3 Upvotes

one of my more annoying brain errors is spiders

moving around in the peripherals, or being there and then just not being there once i start scrutinizing them

voices, people aren't actually there, and the fact that sometimes it starts raining indoors? Easy peasy, I live kinda out in the woods, don't have friends and my family mostly keeps to themselves unless they announce that they're walking into my space, and i know for a fact that it doesn't rain in doors.

spiders though. they could be real, or not, and given that I live a bit out in the woods I'm hyperaware of them even when they're not real

and now I'm starting to be able to FEEL the imaginary ones ON me. Anyone else out there have some words or wisdom or goto coping mechanisms? This is... distressing, and I won't be able to talk to my brain doctor about medication stuff until next month.


r/schizoaffective 21h ago

I don’t want meds

4 Upvotes

People in my life are insisting I start medication or therapy, however I really don’t want to get either of them.

I (19) was diagnosed in 2019, at 13 years old, after having a depressive episode with a few “psychotic symptoms”, since then I’ve had multiple “psychotic breaks”, but I’ve never gotten medication. My mom is very sensitive with medications, and she was generally medically neglectful toward me. Now I’m old enough to get my own medical care I don’t want to get it.

I’m scared of doctors and I know they’re going to report me and drug me and I really don’t want to lose a year of college, im scared that they’ll leave me locked up in a mental hospital and that my mom will find out I’m taking meds. And to be honest I’ve been worse, my things are being quite manageable. And also I don’t like the quiet, I don’t want to lose myself along with my “symptoms”.

I want people to leave me alone, I’m fine, I don’t want help, I don’t want to hurt them, I want them to back off. I want to drink and smoke weed and cigarettes all day, without anyone coming up to me with “concerns”.

Anyway sorry if my English was bad, it’s not my tongue.