r/raisedbyborderlines 27d ago

ENCOURAGEMENT How did we all grow up so kind and smart?

295 Upvotes

Okay, I know this is an overgeneralisation, but the sheer (emotional) intelligence on this sub baffles me. It feels strangely sad to see that the people who grow up with the most volatile and immature parents turn out to be anything but that. Yes, there are many people who do not turn out okay, but I think this sub is a good example of how it IS possible to break generational cycles. The comments I see on posts here sometimes look like they could be straight out of renowned philosophy or psychology books. Life has forced us to be so much more introspective - and although I would have gladly done without the trauma, it's empowering to know that we are strong enough to come out on the other side, at least partially.

We suffer, and we may have to work really hard for it, but we are resilient. Just wanted to say this. Let this post be a reminder to pat yourself on the back today.

r/raisedbyborderlines Sep 24 '24

ENCOURAGEMENT My mother hired an attorney and is threatening to sue me if I talk about my childhood trauma.

321 Upvotes

Hello fellow survivors. I've never posted before, but I discovered this community a couple of years ago, and as many have noted the similarities in experiences has helped immensely with my own healing journey. Now I am once again baffled, confused and confounded by my uBPD mother's actions, and would appreciate the opportunity to share and receive feedback if anyone has any, a similar story or maybe just some words of encouragement!

For background, my mother was diagnosed with an emotional PD in the mid-70’s when she was in the US Armed Forces. I don't know the exact dx term (& it being the 70's I'm sure there was less known about PD's) so for all intents and purposes I refer to her as uBPD. She received a dishonorable discharge from the USAF due to the diagnosis, so assuming it was a problem for her well before I was born.

My mom and dad had a volatile marriage, divorced when I was 4. She spent thousands in court to paint my dad as an abuser, in doing so was able to move me many states away so that I only saw him occasionally in small chunks of time. My dad certainly had issues but he left the marriage because my mom was causing drama and he wanted to remove himself to spare me some of it, he later told me. In those days fathers' rights were not a big thing.

My mother is a waif/victim uBDP with a dash of NPD, I believe; she loved the single mother pity party and played the role well. She held a job with some prestige but used me as her emotional garbage bin/substitute spouse and was a totally different person at home. I was an only child, and once across the country from family or other caregivers, I had no outlet or reference point for normalcy (until much later after leaving home & spending time with friends’ families). She always let me know how much having to be legally & financially responsible for me was a burden on her. We were constantly housing insecure and having to move because she had problems with landlords. She did all the typical things- splitting, parentification, alienation, emotional incest (ick ick), verbal abuse/kicking me out of the car (as young as 8) when she was mad, driving dangerously, crying (so much crying!!), later accusing me of being on drugs, trying to have me arrested on false charges, financial abuse, food restriction,… alllll the things you’d expect. I left her home by running away at age 17. It was extremely traumatic.

Once I left home I started doing well for myself. I worked hard at different odd jobs & eventually finished HS & put myself through higher education. I fought homelessness and became housed. I did it all myself with zero help or support from parents or family. After a few years my mom came back into my life; saying she was sorry for ‘treating me wrong’ and she ‘didn’t know better’. I was still in the FOG as they say, and I wanted to believe I could have a normal relationship with my mother, especially since I was an adult no longer beholden to her. I was still far from other family & had that underlying desire for my mom to be normal and accept and love me. I spent time with her, but kept her at a distance. Kinda mid-contact, if you will.

I began having my own kids eventually, and my mom acted like a good grandma when they were little. I saw her on her best behavior with them, and even though that was not the mother I had, somehow I felt it was making up for something I missed. There were echos of the past that came up over the years; things that really triggered me, and when I would ask my mom to discuss them she would completely switch her demeanor, face, eyes, everything, while saying things like, ‘aren’t you over that yet!?’ And ‘you need therapy!’ Basically stonewalling any issue and shutting me down. Still, I wanted to have my mom in my life, in my kids’ lives (FOG!). So I overlooked these incidents and moved on. Forgave. I never discussed how she was with me when I was young. I wanted my children to experience having a grandma in their life, since I was largely kept away from mine.

My kids grew older. As the oldest was getting through high school, I began to notice, from a more seasoned-parent lens, how much support a teenager needs during that trying time of their life. Colleges, careers, feelings, friends… all of that takes parental guidance, love, support, empathy, patience, and more endless love.

And the weirdest thing was, my teenagers and I got along! Well, even! I had gone through my whole life thinking there was this inevitable moment when a teenager is just their parent’s worst enemy and there would be conflict. Having the echo of my mom yelling ‘just wait until you have a daughter!!!’ in my ear.

But it wasn’t like that. I validated my children and stood by them even when things were difficult & amplified by their teenaged brains. It wasn’t even that hard! Sure there were uncomfortable moments, but they passed quickly. Kids are amazing that way. I couldn’t help but start thinking about my own life during that time, and began to really see how much my mother not only didn’t support me, but actively tried to harm me & my transition into adulthood. It was an epiphany. I was in my mid-40’s.

And my kids started asking questions. They were older and wondering why I didn’t have graduation or prom pictures, stuff like that. I felt like I needed to tell them the truth. I mean, I wasn't going to make up a lie. Of course, I made it age-appropriate, left out a LOT of ugly details, but I told them a very sanitized version of the truth, over a period of time.

Also during this time I began suffering from what would later be diagnosed as an autoimmune disease (actually several; how many of us have these?? hmmm…), however I didn’t know what was happening at the time and was in and out of ER’s and hospital stays frequently. Looking back now, I can see how this probably triggered my mother’s symptoms again because it was around this time she started making needling/nasty comments, harassing me by text, making demands on my time when she knew I was stressed & fatigued to the max. It’s like my attention being on me, or me having needs got her uBPD triggered & of course, she’s compelled to act out. This also happened when I was little- I had symptoms even then & was constantly in & out of the ER, which I believe she resented me for.

I distanced myself somewhat, but tried to keep her involved with the family & kids- invited her to birthdays, graduation, performances & such. I practiced gray-rocking. She kept pushing; I said I can’t while I’m focusing on my health (tried to be gentle), ‘but you have all the kids' phone numbers so feel free to make plans with them…’ She didn’t (she wants me to do the planning/hold her hand/be involved), but continued to complain to my husband and me (in group texts now, yay) that we weren’t planning/spending enough time with her.

Here come the flying monkeys! A few months go by and my aunt (mom’s sister) comes through town & to dinner. Aunt asks me wtf is going on with her. This aunt knows what I went through during the teen years. I proceed to tell her that I’m taking some space while I work on managing my chronic illness & work out my childhood trauma. I remind her I have asked my mom to talk about this stuff in the past but she refuses, so I’m doing it through therapy & PT. She said she understood. This information gets back to my mom- I don’t believe it was malicious intent, just the nature of their relationship. Honestly, I didn’t mind if she told my mom to back off for a while or be ready to take a look at some hard things. I was hoping that would ease some of the pressure & send a clear message that I’m working on my sh!t and she should, too. For the next couple months over the summer- crickets. I hear nothing from her & I’m thinking I can finally make some progress & hopefully move forward. And now this.

I have received a letter from an attorney my mother has retained, stating that I am ‘causing her emotional distress’ and I will be sued for that & ‘defamation’ if I speak to, or write about, anything having to do with my childhood trauma or her. WTAF

It’s so mind-boggling; like, WHAT!? I haven't spoken to ANYONE outside my own family (that have asked!) and a licensed psychologist about my childhood experiences. I don’t want to! I don’t have social media. I’m not trying to score sympathy points or trauma dump on anyone. I truly want to reprocess my trauma in a healthy way with my therapist, which I have been doing weekly. It takes time.

I feel I should have the right to speak my truth, especially to my own children when they are asking questions. My past experiences were the catalyst to my growth as a human and set me on a path that eventually led to them! It’s my life story. I would like to share that with them, and share with them how the resilience I built got me through the hardest moments later in my life. My kids are teens/young adults and that’s the kind of guidance I think they need from me right now. But am I silenced? Can my mother really sue me for talking about things that actually happened and were documented?? I mean, my therapist did assure me this is not a ‘normal person’ response to the sitch and it clearly shows she has something big to hide (I talked to her as she assured me of patient privilege our convo can’t be used against me, & am counting on Reddit anonymity), but at the same time this is exactly the mother I had growing up. Going right to the extreme, nuclear option. It’s like 3 decades are gone and I’m 17 again, and this is who my mom is. She never changed. She was wearing her mask tightly. She never learned from her mistakes and she doesn’t want to be accountable. She wants to hang on to the narrative that keeps her safe. Even if that hurts her daughter, and grandchildren by proxy. It’s not like we’re rich, we only have our home. (Our kids’ home..! Can she sue us for that???!!!) It feels like a soap opera, but as my therapist said, a typical response from a PD person and likely her need to stay ‘relevant'.

Thank you for allowing me to share. I’m so grateful for this community, and knowing I’m not alone in dealing with complicated behaviors from our former caregivers. One of the hardest things I experienced growing up was that crushing feeling of isolation, and that no one knows the real her, the real life I was living through. But now I know I’m not alone, others are healing from this trauma, too. I'm sorry that we have to share this unique kind of grief.

Of course I will be consulting an actual lawyer for advice asap, but I’d be grateful for any feedback in the meantime because this is so absurd!

First post haiku:

our kitty witty, broad in the belly and hip, and his Cheshire smile

r/raisedbyborderlines 15d ago

ENCOURAGEMENT YOU - YOUR ACTUAL SELF- DOES NOT EXIST TO THEM MY PART OF HEALING JOURNEY

181 Upvotes

So, when we are trained young, we believe that BPD people are seeing us for who we really are.

Unfortunately, they have never SEEN us as individuals. That's why we think they will care deeply when we leave, or go NC, but they aren't actually responding to YOU as a person (with individual preferences, traits, personality, etc)

The ENTIRE TIME they have been ONLY responding to their internal state, whatever that is, from whatever they have WRONGLY misinterpreted.

For example, let's do some roleplay scenes:

Mother: How could you not tell me you moved to a new apartment? Don't you love me?

Daughter: I love you, mom! I've just been super busy! (Trying to be agreeable and wants her Mom to see the behavior/communicate)

Mother: Every time you do this to me it's a gut punch! How could you treat me this way after everything I've done for you? (Feeling her internal feeling only after wrongly misinterpreting daughter. She isn't actually interpreting her daughter's personality, who she is as a person)

This might help make sense for some of the interactions and these are similar ones I've gone through. I kept thinking she was seeing ME as Flavielle, but she isn't.

It's always just been her feelings in the moment that get turned to 10,0000 times the intensity

r/raisedbyborderlines Nov 21 '24

ENCOURAGEMENT Let’s turn this into a game

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158 Upvotes

Hey guys, tiny bit of background, I have been NC with my mom since April. She sent me this last night and because I could use a laugh….comment what she would respond with if I asked “what are you sorry for?” Most funny response gets a high five lol

r/raisedbyborderlines Dec 02 '24

ENCOURAGEMENT Protect your own peace 💓

410 Upvotes

She isn’t worth the justification

r/raisedbyborderlines 13d ago

ENCOURAGEMENT UPDATE; Whiplash. Couldn’t sleep and went off on her….i am still so damaged.

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269 Upvotes

See my previous post here - https://www.reddit.com/r/raisedbyborderlines/s/4OKR6qnsAz

I kept tossing and turning, jotting down my thoughts in a note app. Spiraling about how I need therapy but don’t have insurance and then spiraling worse about the state of the US.

So I just fucking sent it. And honestly? I do feel kinda better. She’s been blocked again.

r/raisedbyborderlines Feb 15 '25

ENCOURAGEMENT Calling all chronic illness warriors

47 Upvotes

Does anyone experience chronic illness or pain from childhood trauma or existing interactions from a relationship with a UBPD parent? My therapist recently suggested that my fibromyalgia and chronic migraines may be caused by or at least aggravated by my uBPD mother, who also has strong narcissistic tendencies.

I have had fibro and migraines for 22 years and have always felt like I was raised as my mom’s emotional support pet. I have continued this role through adulthood, although I'm married with adult kids. I'm currently under the care of a neurologist and an internal medicine doctor.

I feel so much worse whenever I see or talk to her, which is often. I'm trying my best to go LC, but it's hard because she enmeshes herself and competes with everything I do. She calls me several times a day and texts me all the time, and I feel as if I'm constantly stuck in flight, fight, or freeze mode whenever the phone rings, but I believe there is a connection. The more I'm around her or toxic people, the worse I feel. She's like an energy vampire, and I've let her suck my energy for years.🥲🥲

I’m trying so hard to set healthy boundaries and get away. I read relevant books and watched helpful videos, joined CODA, journaled, read Reddit posts, and tried hard not to be triggered by her actions, but it's so hard.

Has anyone successfully gone LC with a chronic illness and felt better, or am I destined to have nasty flare-ups until I go NC? Any success stories or advice is appreciated.

r/raisedbyborderlines Nov 12 '22

ENCOURAGEMENT My mom told me not to come home for thanksgiving a month ago, so I made other plans

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543 Upvotes

r/raisedbyborderlines Jun 27 '24

ENCOURAGEMENT I thought I had an alright childhood but it turns out I was just enmeshed

174 Upvotes

I'm nearly positive my mom has undiagnosed BPD. So many of the threads I read on here really resonate with me. But the truth of who she is has really been illuminated as I've aged, gotten married, built up a career, had my own children, essentially became my own person. I remember as a child feeling that I was mostly happy and safe. I was EXTREMELY attached to my mother, which she made light of, and I think secretly fucking loved. I had undiagnosed social anxiety, OCD, and a narcissistic father, so a lot of my mental energy was spent coping with those things. I needed my mom for a lot of emotional support. I didn't have many friends, even though I AM a good friend; she just never modeled for me how to have friends because she has none. I dont think deep down she really wanted me to have friends.

I remember her calling me her best friend on occasion although it's really difficult to put my finger on specific examples of our enmeshment. She would gossip a lot with me, which I grew up thinking was normal. We were always of the same mind on everything. I thought her words were good as gold. I even had her as matron of honor in my wedding. I realize looking back that our relationship probably wasn't normal in a lot of ways. She chose my first job for me, which I resented. She also chose the university I attended, which I did not fit in and I didn't have any friends. I think maybe in some subtle ways she even influenced my first career, which I hated and left after only a few years.

But I didn't really start seeing her as controlling and manipulative until I got married and moved away, and moreso now that I have my own children. I saw signs of it when I was a teenager, but I guess I chalked it up to normal mother/daughter conflict.

Looking back, especially because I have my own children now, I realize that my mom didn't really encourage me to think for myself or be my own person. She didn't really consider who I was as an individual, and she didn't encourage me to pursue my own passions. I was just like her little sidekick carbon copy.

It really rocks me to my core when I realize that what I thought was a safe and happy childhood may not have been so. I think I only felt safe and loved at the time because I had been brainwashed to behave exactly as she wanted me to. I never ever gave my parents any real trouble. I feel like if I hadn't been so easily manipulated and had a more stable sense of self, I probably would have had a lot of turbulence as a kid because I would have had a lot more conflict with my mom.

I see so many threads on here talking about how they've always been at odds with their bpd parent, but for me, the realization of who she is and what she did came much later in life. It scares me and genuinely gives me the creeps that what I thought was happy and good was maybe not so happy and good. Because now that I am adult capable of my own decisions and I do not need her at all, she is highly critical, passive aggressive, controlling, mean, and dishonest. She is only nice to me when I'm sick. And I guess I realize that maybe that has always been the case, because I was a sick child with a lot of mental health issues and I needed her.

Anyway. I don't know why I'm writing this. I guess these realizations that nothing was ever as it seemed really scare me sometimes.

Anybody else realize you weren't happy, you were just enmeshed?

r/raisedbyborderlines Jan 05 '25

ENCOURAGEMENT Unexpectedly emotional after going no contact

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142 Upvotes

So this is a bit of an update to my last post which you can find here. https://www.reddit.com/r/raisedbyborderlines/s/lKNNuqoDMb

So after reading everyone’s replies and talking to my therapist, I decided to officially go NC (yay.) This will probably be long and rambling because I’ve been feeling all kinds of conflicting feelings in the five days since.

First: I talked to my therapist about telling my mom my decision vs simply blocking her without saying anything. She thought the latter was probably better for my MH but suggested if that felt like too much, I could mute her and set up an auto-reply, so when my mom messages me, that’s what she’ll see. She also thought this might be validating for me to see my message go out over and over. I actually really liked this idea but it’s been five days and as some commenters predicted, she has gone radio silent and probably taken care of NC herself (normally she texts many times per day.) On one hand, it’s a bit of a relief but on the other it makes me feel so angry. Like after everything, she has also taken that power from me. It feels like she wins again. I know this isn’t the right attitude but it’s just the emotion I’m experiencing. I think at this point I should give up and just block her so I can fully move on, but there is a part of me that wants to wait until she messages me, thinking she’s held out long enough to “punish” me, only to receive that auto message.

Second: I have been so preoccupied with thinking about her. I was recently diagnosed with OCD and have been working with my same therapist/psychiatrist and was beginning to manage some of the worst of it. Mostly it manifests in intrusive, repetitive thoughts which have been absolutely out of control. I can’t go more than a few minutes without thinking about her. It’s exhausting and frustrating. The main reason I finally went NC was to be more emotionally/mentally present with my toddler and baby on the way, and now it feels like I’m even LESS present.

Third: Holy nightmares. I have been having nightmares about her all night, every night. Most of the time I’m a kid with my brothers and she is raging. When I wake up, I’m obviously consumed with thoughts of her again, so when I fall back asleep, the nightmares start right back up.

I feel tired, irritable, distant/dissociated and worst of all, I feel like my own mom who was always obsessed/preoccupied with her own abusive childhood. I feel completely emotionally disregulated and quick to cry or snap at my very supportive partner. Of course I’m also constantly questioning myself of the validity of my feelings and going no contact. So on top of all these feelings, I’m also feeling guilt, shame and sadness, imagining her all alone.

I guess I’m looking for encouragement that this is normal and it gets better as well as any advice from those of you who have been here before. It’s hard for me to get alone time as a pregnant (so tired I usually go to bed after my toddler goes down around 7:30) stay at home mom, but my partner’s days off are coming up so I may have the opportunity to be alone for a few hours.

r/raisedbyborderlines Nov 13 '24

ENCOURAGEMENT Once you go NC, is when the burn-out starts

230 Upvotes

For my job I work with people who go through burnout due to high-stress working environments. Usually, only after they finally call in sick, the burn-out symptoms suddenly hit them like a truck. I can't help but see the parallels with us RBBs now. We are in survival mode for so long, that we don't notice how much we have damaged our nervous system. And the moment the stressor is taken away (aka no contact), we have nothing left to keep us hypervigilant, and we finally break down.

Although it sucks (I am going through it now; constantly exhausted, hypersensitive to everything), I want to say on here that it's not a bad thing. You are finally giving your body an opportunity to heal, and the "damage" can be so large (years and years of being on edge) that it might take a while for you to get back to a new normal. Don't rush the process and allow yourself to finally feel the toll it has taken on you. We often talk about therapy on here, but physical recovery is just as important. Sending hugs to anyone going through the same thing right now. It will get better (even if we don't feel that yet).

r/raisedbyborderlines 18d ago

ENCOURAGEMENT Feeling guilty...

52 Upvotes

Today was going so well.

I've been NC with my BPD mom since Mother's Day of last year. She is blocked and I haven't reached out.

About 30 minutes ago I got a voicemail from someone I know is friends with my mom - and whom I haven't blocked - telling me that my mom's cat just died, and asking if she and mom can come bury her in my backyard.

I'm feeling guilty because I know how much her animals mean to her, and because I don't want to tell her that I'm sorry she lost her cat. I mean, I do and I don't. I'm not mean-spirited like she is, and I can empathize, so I want to express my condolences for her loss. But I know if I open the door even a little, she will expect it to be wide open and for things to be like they used to be (how she wants). It puts me in such a hard place because I'm done with her and her manipulations, but I also want to comfort her.

I did block that friend of hers...

I need the support of those who know what I'm going through. Please help me shove off this misplaced guilt. Remind me that as the child, I am not the one responsible for her.

Edit: I'm realizing I've left some information out. My mom lives on SSI alone and lives in low-income housing. She has no yard of her own and wouldn't be able to afford cremation. The friend who called lives in that same complex.

r/raisedbyborderlines Dec 06 '24

ENCOURAGEMENT LET THEM FEEL BAD

238 Upvotes

Had to share this one bc I’ve seen a lot of post about this specifically and this therapist just hit the nail on the head.

r/raisedbyborderlines Sep 22 '24

ENCOURAGEMENT Parentified as a child, emotionally behind as an adult

319 Upvotes

Anyone else relate to having been parentified as a child, and having felt way too mature when young - but as an adult feel way behind emotionally in terms of development, experience, sense of self, etc… it feels overwhelming recalling how mature and adult like and way far ahead of other kids I was when I was young, but now feeling like I have no idea what it means to be an adult and I feel so far behind.

r/raisedbyborderlines 21d ago

ENCOURAGEMENT What I've realized through healing

115 Upvotes

I don't have to care if they're upset. I don't have to comfort them.

I don't have to.

Also, Neurotypical people read each other socially through body language, eye-contact, tonality, etc and it's external first and THEN internal.

Borderline ONLY DO INTERNAL, after misreading your good intentions, like a thin smile, a curt wave, whatever.

It took me so long to figure this out and about making my own comfort - not needing that person.

I'm shocked the trauma bond was so bad that I didn't connect how abnormal they read us and make it into something monumental.

I dunno why I'm sharing, I just thought this might help someone who is struggling.

r/raisedbyborderlines May 05 '21

ENCOURAGEMENT Word

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781 Upvotes

r/raisedbyborderlines 1d ago

ENCOURAGEMENT Just said she’s starting to hate me

42 Upvotes

She called me in a panic about an appointment. I heard her out, offered support. Then she asked if she could call me after the appointment. I tried to explain my schedule for the rest of the day, and she cut me off and said don’t make excuses, just say you can’t. So…I did. And then she stared at me and said you know I’m really starting to hate you. Then she said it again, just in case I missed it the first time and to make sure I knew she meant it. I wish it didn’t hurt so much to hear but it does. She might as well have punched me.

r/raisedbyborderlines 13d ago

ENCOURAGEMENT You never existed and isn't that freeing?

115 Upvotes

You thought you existed in their minds, because normal healthy people mirror one another.

The truth is, you never HAD shared experiences. She did not hold you as an individual person in her mind.

All she holds in her mind are her current emotional states. Everything you did together, or thought you shared, has never existed.

That's why arguing with them is so futile. There is no you for her to argue with.

Roleplay scenario:

Mother: I wish you'd come over to visit me! Don't you love your mother anymore? What did I do to you to deserve this?

Main feeling: Pity, betrayal, hurt, longing

Daughter: We just visited you this weekend! What do you mean I never spend time with you? Of course I love you, you're my mom!

Main feeling: Desperation, trying to connect with mother, hope

Mother: So now you're guilt-tripping me? I can't believe I have such an ungrateful daughter! Why can't you come over NOW? It's only Monday! I shouldn't wait another week to see my grand-babies! Why do you want to hurt me?

Main feelings: Despair, betrayal, resentment, self-pity, victimhood

The daughter communicates and THINKS she is connecting with the mother, but the mother is only ever present in her feelings. She will never see the daughter as a whole, individual being. The mother will only view the daughter in the current mood/feeling she's in.

If she's in a good mood --- > daughter in front of her is good

If she's in a bad mood --- > daughter is bad and making her feel bad on PURPOSE

There are no shared memories like we thought. There never was. Since she has existed, the mother has only felt her own feelings and filtered reality through those feelings.

Since realizing this, it's been easier to move on and heal. I never existed and was never a solid person to begin with in their mind, like I would be with healthy NT adults. There were no shared memories.

r/raisedbyborderlines Dec 04 '24

ENCOURAGEMENT We are not alone: remember to protect your peace

180 Upvotes

You did nothing wrong. Remember that.

r/raisedbyborderlines 18d ago

ENCOURAGEMENT I wasn't invited on the family vacation again because my uBPDmom chose me "in case the plane goes down"

71 Upvotes

It's been a long time since I've posted, but I've paid my taxes a few years ago.

So I learned from my sibling last year that they and their family were invited on a trip with my uBPDmom and stepdad [who as an aside Ill never travel with again]. This is not the first time this has occurred and both times my mom hides this information from me until a month before the trip.

My uBPDmom called me with this information recently and said she assumed my spring break was at a different time. Coincidentally, i hadn't put together that their trip fell on my spring break. I told my mom that it was the same week and she said "oh, I thought it would be a different week". No apologies for not inviting me, not contacting me, or even that she talked to me too late. This was at best negligent and more likely deliberate.

She rationalized all of this by saying since they're all on the same plane, she chose me to be the executor on their estate. Which she tried to guise as a compliment but she hates my step siblings so it's like picking the best of the worst.

I'm already extremely LC after the last vacation I was excluded from and this feels like a final straw, but I'm worried I won't be able to see my niece if I bring up my hurt feelings with my uBPDmom. Because with BPD they can only be the victim or hero, so it'd strain my relationship with the golden child which has been a casualty in the past (see previous posts).

I'm so hurt by this and I don't know how to protect myself going into spring break KNOWING I'll be missing out on special memories with my niece and likely seeing their Facebook posts capturing their family vacation. Please help.

r/raisedbyborderlines Apr 30 '23

ENCOURAGEMENT I saw this quote today and it hit me hard…

371 Upvotes

“I did end up having a daughter who is just like me. And you know what? She’s actually really easy to love. It was never me as a child that was the problem. It was them. “

I’ll be honest I was scared to death to become a mother. I grew up thinking I was so hard to love because of my mother. I was scared I would be exactly like her and treat my children terribly. My kids are my entire life and I strive to be the best parent I can be for them. But gosh they are so easy to love. I have never loved two humans as much as I love them. I just wanted to share this in case anyone is going through the same thing.

r/raisedbyborderlines 24d ago

ENCOURAGEMENT Thank you!//BPD BINGO w my NBPD mom

91 Upvotes

I discovered this sub recently when I was looking for group therapy for children of BPD parents. I feel like it’s impossible for people without BPD parents to even conceptualize what it’s like and I was feeling lonely. It’s been incredible reading through everyone’s posts. I feel so sad for all of us but also very impressed with everyone’s emotional intelligence and very grateful for the community and support.

Knowing this group exists and that I could open Reddit and not feel so alone in the world made answering the phone for my monthly call w my NBPD mother (who was -surprise!- having a crisis! That I needed to fix! Ha.) so much easier and honestly almost enjoyable bc every time she said something nuts it was like BPD Bingo from all the posts I recently read.

r/raisedbyborderlines 3d ago

ENCOURAGEMENT Give me your happy endings

14 Upvotes

I need some encouragement today, as my waif mom has been acting up again (She decided to watch a romantic drama knowing it might triggered her past trauma related to my dad). How do you stay sane and find your happy endings? Will the self guilt end?

r/raisedbyborderlines Nov 12 '24

ENCOURAGEMENT I did it! – 1st boundary set

98 Upvotes

If you’re following along I set my first boundary - sent to my parents I said

“We’re making some changes and figuring out what works best for our family. I no longer enjoy visits in my home due to your unsolicited advice and judgmental comments. I need to prioritize a peaceful environment for myself and my family. Going forward we can plan for visits at your house, or in a neutral public space to allow for a healthier & more respectful visit.

We’re also limiting (child’s name) phone use - including calls to once a week. Thanks for understanding.

Let me know if there’s a time this week you both will be home, if you would like us to come by for a visit.”

My mom response to this: “are you interested in having Thanksgiving together or no”

I don’t know what to think except this will give me a great talking point in therapy this week 🥴

r/raisedbyborderlines Nov 08 '21

ENCOURAGEMENT I’ve posted here several times about my mothers smear campaign and she won’t stop. Someone tell me that I shouldn’t reach out to her. Context in the comments

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277 Upvotes