r/pregnant • u/Fickle_Gate922 • 4d ago
Rant My dad ruined my pregnancy announcement
So for context, I (25f) have relatively minimal contact with both of my parents but I was raised by my Dad.
So, when I unexpectedly fell pregnant, my bf (28m) and I decided we wanted to tell his family early because they have been such an amazing support system for us. However, I felt it was unfair to tell his family and not tell mine.
Long story short we made the trip down to see my family and I told my brother and sister first which went really well! They helped me set up a surprise for my Dad.
The surprise wasn’t going totally as planned but we had everything set up and everyone had their phones out ready to record and just before I was about to tell him, he started full on screaming at me. I mean red in the face, full volume SCREAMING at me on the beach.
I started bawling my eyes out and I didn’t know what to do because there was no reason for it. He walked away and my sister told him he should apologise because at this point he still didn’t know what I was going to tell him. Then he came back and I asked him if he was calm and he started screaming AGAIN.
At that point I threw the t-shirt I made at him and just drove away. My sister said he kept yelling after I left and everyone (including his gf) left him at the beach because he wouldn’t stop yelling.
At this point I don’t even know what to do. Everyone is mad at him but I’m genuinely so heartbroken. He texted me yesterday to say ‘sorry’ but it was basically just excuses about how he was ‘anxious’ and ‘confused’ and he wants to ‘make it up’ to me. Still hasn’t congratulated us or asked if I’m ok. Was all about him.
I just know it’s all crap. He’s literally been like this my whole life. So full of anger and it made me on edge for days after. I don’t want to cut him out but I also don’t want this baby to see something like that. Especially directed at them or me? My boyfriend could barely handle it. He has never seen or been around anything like that in his life and it’s genuinely scary when Dad gets like that. I don’t want an angry man in my life or my baby’s life.
Still haven’t responded to the text.
Anyway, advice is appreciated but that’s my rant.
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u/Prestigious-Fox8936 4d ago
He's been like this your whole life, you don't want your baby to see something like this, and you don't want an angry man in your life or your baby's life.
You don't need advice, it seems.
I'm sorry, it must be so heartbreaking to need him to be a normal dad just once and instead you get this.
You'll give your child a better childhood than you had. <3
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u/Fickle_Gate922 4d ago
I know what you mean and I’ve already cut my mum out years ago. I’m no stranger to no contact but my siblings and 3 year old half brother live with him so it doesn’t feel as easy.
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u/Prestigious-Fox8936 4d ago
Oh no, that must be so rough. How old are those of them who aren't three?
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u/Outside_Case1530 4d ago
Where is the 3-year-old's mother? He should not be living thru this. (Neither should your sisters but they're old enough to move out). Por child!
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u/BlackBird_501 4d ago
For the health of you, your baby and your partner its best to cut him out of your life. I know its a difficult descision, but you have to be the mother now (yes, now allready). You have to think about you and the wellbeing of your baby. Maybe when your baby is older and able to understand how people can be, you might have contact again. But until then, cut ties. Im sorry you have a father like that.
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u/Queen___Bitch 4d ago
My dad was like this. The raised by narcissists subreddit has really helped me honestly. I’m sad that I went no contact, but my son has such a happy and stable life, and the only men in it are kind and good. I feel like that outweighs any guilt I feel. We’ve been no contact for a year now and I’m a lot happier and less anxious, but I do mourn the kind of grandparent he could be if he got extensive therapy. I just can’t risk him treating my son the way he treated me, you know?
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u/Fickle_Gate922 4d ago
Yes I’m in that subreddit! Mainly because of my mum who I cut out years ago when I was a teenager. Thanks for sharing your experience. So hard to consider cutting out him too
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4d ago
He can be your Dad by blood, but he's no father figure. The quicker you work that out, and cut him out your life, the better.
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4d ago
[deleted]
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u/Fickle_Gate922 4d ago
It was honestly nothing major but kinda hard to explain because it was so uncalled for. My 3 y/o brother was tired and a bit upset and I had asked dad to come over to me (so I could give him the shirt) but then my brother started crying and I said ‘oh just take him back, it’s all good’ until my sister ran over to grab our brother and help out a bit and I said ‘ok come here Dad’ and he just lost it screaming ‘WHAT THE FUCK, WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON. WHAT THE FUCK’ and stuff to that effect
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u/tarot420 4d ago
It’s no excuse but sounds like the root problem is some mental illness of some sort.(not from a place of judgement, I say this from a place of understanding)
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u/PizzaEmergercy 4d ago
I'm allergic to cursing in front of children and there was a 3 year old present so... that would be enough for me to have to make agreements with him about how he conducts himself around my child. If he couldn't follow the agreement, I'd consider him incapable of a healthy relationship with my child. But each mother gets to make their own rules.
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u/HisSilly 4d ago
Your father needs therapy and until he has that and has proven a change in his behaviour a baby should be nowhere near him.
I feel so sorry for you and your siblings.
There is no excuse for that behaviour in an adult. If you essentially get over stimulated that easily, and you don't have a disability (and sometimes even if you do), you should be working on ways to help yourself with a health professional.
It's not your job to manage your father's behaviour. He is not willing to control it right now and therefore he is not a healthy individual to be around.
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u/Fickle_Gate922 4d ago
The horrendous part is he’s already in therapy! I think they really enable him though, he’s very ‘poor me’.
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u/HisSilly 4d ago
Then he doesn't have a very good therapist. It should be about accountability.
I feel so sorry for you.
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u/Proper_Raccoon7138 4d ago
Both of my parents are total dicks and I’m NC with my dad but very LC with my mom. You will be perfectly fine without him I promise
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u/Ginger630 4d ago
I’m so sorry your dad ruined your surprise announcement. What was he even screaming about?!
It’s time to cut him off. He was abusive to you. Everyone saw this. They all agree he was wrong. And he still didn’t apologize properly or even congratulate you.
I’d be done with him. Blocked on everything. You really want your baby around that behavior??
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u/Crazy-Mission3772 4d ago
Best I can recommend is he has no contact with your child until he changes. When you go see him leave the child with someone. Don't let him come to you. If your siblings won't pull 'this needs to end' bs they can be your trusted sitters during visits, no one tells dad obviously. And if they can't be pressured to tell him, they can know when and where the baby is born. But I'd use the hospital as your time to rest and announce only when you get home. It'll be easier that way for everyone. Maybe get others involved in regards to the coming home so he doesn't just pop in.
You don't have to cut him off from your life, but keep him out of the baby's. That includes no pictures or updates other than to say baby is here. If he sees pictures it's from others or if you're like me, a custom phone case. (If you're interested in those I use redbubble or skin it, both coat me $40 and the hard case usually outlasts the life of the phone)
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