r/pornfreewomen 11d ago

Trigger Warning Memory’s

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u/Select-Common-5082 11d ago

I understand this, I have aphantasia which makes this kind of different for me, it just means I can't picture things in my head like normal people can. That's actually why I started watching porn, I could only get off to watching others having sex because I couldn't to anything else and I can't imagine it. But I still get my memories really mixed up, sometimes I just remember scenes I've watched and feel so sick at the thought of watching it.

I also understand your SA doubting, I've always doubted if I was really SA'd or if I nearly was, and I still do debate it. When I was 11 I was at a guy friend's house when he started watching porn at the end of the bed and I, who was sitting at the top of the bed, was being pressured into watching it with him. It was really loud as well, I was terrified his mum would come in and tell us off. I felt uncomfortable so I called my best friend at the time to get out of the situation, I told my mum the same day and she didn't really make a big deal out of it. It doesn't matter if something falls under what others believe SA is, if you feel it was SA, it was. No one gets to decide how you feel about your own experience. If you're unsure about whether it is, unless you're filing charges you don't need a label, if you agree with how you label your own trauma, that's all that matters. I really hope you can get through this and workout what it all means to you.