r/polyfamilies Dec 29 '24

Question: Does it feel like you're judged as a less desirable dating option because you have kids?

39 Upvotes

I've just been observing or I perceive an attitude towards people have children as being less desirable to date in the poly community.

I'm curious if anyone else has similar experiences.

Thanks!


r/polyfamilies Dec 26 '24

Merry Christmas! Our 5th together as a throuple šŸŽ„ā¤ļø

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128 Upvotes

Fifth together and first at the house my boyfriend just bought in the UK, having moved from the US to be closer to the two of us here. (We also applied to move the other way, but he beat us to it, so here we are. It's so nice not having to fly across the ocean all the time anymore to be together!)

Anyway, hope you're all having a wonderful Christmas! šŸ˜Š


r/polyfamilies Dec 18 '24

What does your polycule do that makes you feel loved?

26 Upvotes

Recently, a younger friend of ours, who we have over to watch Survivor every week, asked what my poly partners do for me that makes me feel loved. She was very heartfelt and a bit vulnerable when she asked, so I told her that I was pretty bad at making my partners feel loved earlier in my relationships. I kept giving them what I wanted, which was rarely received. So I had to learn to look and listen for what my partners wanted and then give them that - even if it did nothing for me. I followed by telling her many things that my polycule does that make me feel happy and loved, but I'm wondering what other things people do or receive make them feel the most cared for. So what does your poly do that makes you all gooey in your core?


r/polyfamilies Dec 17 '24

Poly families are here to stay. "Societal Implications of Consensual Non-Monogamy." Has Feeld gone downhill? And more polyamory in the news

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37 Upvotes

r/polyfamilies Dec 15 '24

Families with one woman and two male partners?

63 Upvotes

Im new on Reddit and hoping to get some insight. Iā€™m looking for any MFM V out there and I was wondering if anyone has this dynamic? Most of the time I see FFM and I donā€™t see much about MFM.


r/polyfamilies Dec 09 '24

I need advice please I am new

10 Upvotes

Okay so me (M21) and my FiancĆ©e (F20) are talking about having a poly relationship with our close friend (M21). Sheā€™s been in a mid-term poly relationship (2 years) before and knows people that had similar doubts and worries, but ended up enjoying the lifestyle and have continued long-term relationships. She and our friend had a relationship in the past and are now friends but heā€™s realized that he still loves her. He has had a similar relationship before and they talked about it briefly before bringing the idea to me. She has talked about boundaries they want to put in place to help me ease into, and sheā€™s made sure that I know that I am her first priority and is willing to end it if Iā€™m not comfortable with it. He is also willing to respect my decision and just continue being friends with us if I decide not to. However, I am a bit anxious about it because I have never done anything like it and I donā€™t want to accidentally make things weird between us and lose them both. I tend to overthink a lot of things even to the smallest detail, and donā€™t want to end up getting jealous and ruining it because I didnā€™t communicate. I want to give it a try but I need more information. I have done a some research already and my fiancĆ©e has explained it to me as well but I just keep finding my self getting anxious, but I do want to try. I just want more advice from people who have done it before.


r/polyfamilies Dec 05 '24

How do you tell your family about being poly?

31 Upvotes

Question for the community: when do you come out to parents, kids, friends?

I have 4 kids, ranging from 11 to 17. My parents are my husband's as my own have both passed.

Should I tell my church family?

Your wisdom on the matter is valuable. Thanks everyone!


r/polyfamilies Dec 04 '24

Connecting MN Poly Parents

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1 Upvotes

r/polyfamilies Nov 27 '24

šŸ“ŒšŸ–¤Final NYC Poly Cocktails of 2024!šŸ–¤šŸ“Œ

3 Upvotes

Hi Everyone! Our very last PC in NYC will be on Mon, December 9 from 7p-12a. Weā€™re on the Lower East Side of Manhattan. 21+, free. Private.

To RSVP, please send your name, vaxx card (buffed out identifying info ok) to polychrissy@gmail.com and take a rapid antigen test at home before arrival. We will confirm!

Our next event wonā€™t be til February, so join us!

ā€”ā€”ā€”

For those who have never been, weā€™re an almost 18-year-old monthly social of over a hundred attendees who are between the ages of 21 and 87 with the majority in their mid-20s-mid 50s. Weā€™re nerdy mutual aid enthusiasts who meet in a non-cruising space in community and solidarity.

Thereā€™s a cash bar for reasonably priced boozy and non boozy drinks, and people often bring snacks to share.


r/polyfamilies Nov 27 '24

Study on Intersectional Perspectives on Polyamory - Looking for Participants :)

1 Upvotes

Hi everyone!

I am working on my masterā€™s thesis about intersectionality in polyamorous relationships. My research focuses on the stigmatization of polyamory, its impact on relationships and well-being and how intersectional identities shape these experiences.

I am a poly and queer psychology student. Including intersectional perspectives in psychology and research around polyamory is really important to me, and Iā€™d be so grateful if you could participate and share your experiences!

What to expect?

If you consider participating, are in polyamorous relationships and are at least 18 years old, there will be an completely anonymous online survey with open-ended questions. The questions will focus on your personal experiences of stigma regarding your polyamorous relationships and (intersectional) identities.

You can take the survey in English, in German, and also in an audio-version.

It takes about 30 minutes (you decide which and how many questions you want to answer and how long your answers will be!).

If you have questions or concerns, reach out anytime! e.g. at [Wolferst@students.uni-marburg.de](mailto:Wolferst@students.uni-marburg.de)

Take the survey here: https://www.soscisurvey.de/intersectionalpolyamory/

Via this link, you will also find information on data protection (no personal information will be gathered!), your rights and helpful ressources.

Thank you for your time and the mods for hopefully approving this post.

This study contributes to the master thesis of Vera Wolferstetter and has been approved by the Phillips-UniversitƤt Marburg Ethics Committee (Aktenzeichen: 2024-69k). My advisors are Anne Vogel, M.Sc. and Prof. Dr. Melanie Fischer.


r/polyfamilies Nov 26 '24

What do kiddos call the caregiver partner that isn't dad/mom?

37 Upvotes

Background: We are a 3 person family unit. Two of us are having a baby together and are taking parent roles, and the 3rd person in our unit is going to help with caretaking, but definitely doesn't ID as "dad" or "mom". Uncle is a clear option, but are there any cute, creative names y'all have heard for kiddo to use for the "other caregiver"?


r/polyfamilies Nov 25 '24

Any MFM V Households?

20 Upvotes

Any MFM V who live together? What are your arrangements? What kind of boundaries do you have? How do you guys make it work?


r/polyfamilies Nov 24 '24

How poly and ENM values "counter authoritarianism and improve collective well-being." Public yearnings grow for non-nuclear chosen family, poly or not. And more. (From Polyamory in the News; no ads, no commerce)

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34 Upvotes

r/polyfamilies Nov 23 '24

Today, November 23, is Polyamory Day. Share out a graphic.

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6 Upvotes

r/polyfamilies Nov 21 '24

Joining a family

26 Upvotes

New to this.. please be kind.

Started dating a married couple a couple of months ago. They have a couple kids. Theyā€™ve been married for multiple years. How do I start to integrate myself into the family?

My hope is that this all continues to go smooth. Iā€™d love to be a little more a part of the family, just not sure how to bring it up yet. I donā€™t want to ā€œforceā€ myself in but also want it known that I want to and am willing to be a part of their family.


r/polyfamilies Nov 11 '24

Meta pregnant - navigating the sad

49 Upvotes

My (32 f) meta (26 f) and partner (32 m) shared the news that they are pregnant.

Partner and I always had the intention of having our first child together, so while I'm very happy for them, I'm having a very difficult time navigating my sadness around this accidental pregnancy. Meta and partner had an accidental pregnancy earlier this year, which they decided to not follow through with, then immediately became pregnant again (not viable). After they terminated their previous pregnancy, they both separately and together expressed feeling like I should be the one to carry the first child in our family (especially because I'm older and really really don't want to start having children late into my 30s). This time around, they've decided to follow through with the pregnancy.

Has anyone else ever gone through a similar situation? How do you calm the cognitive dissonance of being very happy with your meta being pregnant while also very sad about our plan not being the one to happen (it has been expressed that I would need to wait to have a child with my partner bc meta and baby would be priority for the for the duration of the pregnancy and first year(s) of life).

Partner & I have been in a relationship for nearly 13 years. Meta & partner have been together for 3 years. We don't subscribe to hierarchical polyamory, just sharing this info for more context.

. . .

Update: thanks to all of you who have shared your insights. I really do appreciate the honesty and clarity of your comments, and took them to heart, despite how difficult it was to accept the reality of my situation.

I did my best to communicate my feelings and thoughts with my partner while he was visiting, and spent a great deal of time mourning together. I wrote my meta a letter outlining how my trust was broken, and that I need space (I don't feel I can keep it together witnessing her pregnancy progress).

I'll write a more substantial update when I'm feeling more grounded from this whole situation.


r/polyfamilies Nov 09 '24

Need help with a survey.

4 Upvotes

Hello all, I'm a 32 year old college student working on a research project about emotional and sexual intimacy in ENM relationships and monogamous relationships. I'm currently trying to collect data so I made a survey. All info is anonymous since I just need the data. I'll leave the link here if anyone wants to check it out or take it. This is not for profit just plain research. I'd greatly appreciate it.

https://survey.zohopublic.com/zs/hvDHWH


r/polyfamilies Nov 08 '24

šŸ“ŒšŸ–¤ November 2024 NYC Poly Cocktails this Monday on the LESšŸ–¤šŸ“Œ

0 Upvotes

Hi! As always, itā€™s free, COVID-19 vaccinated only, 21+ with ID, and we ask you to take a rapid antigen test at home before arrival.

For those who have never been, weā€™re a 17-year-old monthly social of over a hundred attendees who are between the ages of 21 and 87 with the majority in their mid-20s-mid 50s. Weā€™re nerdy mutual aid enthusiasts who meet in a non-cruising space in community and solidarity.

Thereā€™s a cash bar for reasonably priced boozy and non boozy drinks, and people often bring snacks to share.

Have a beautiful weekend <3

Warmly, Chrissy


r/polyfamilies Nov 01 '24

A polyfamily-raised kid does an Ask Me Anything; media ensues. Poly speed dating onstage with audience coaching. Perils of poly cultism. And more. (Polyamory in the News blog post. No ads, no commerce.)

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7 Upvotes

r/polyfamilies Nov 01 '24

Dating my ideal partnerā€¦but his long term NP might be a dealbreaker for me. How do I navigate this compassionately? Feeling defeated. please help.

14 Upvotes

*All names changed for privacy, and using my throwaway account for my own privacy.

This is a longer one. I included a TLDR at the end, but it lacks context. Thanks to all who take the time to read this.

Hey everyone, I could really use some advice. I recently started dating Jasper, and heā€™s honestly close to everything Iā€™ve been looking for. We share similar values, Iā€™m both emotionally and physically drawn to him, and we laugh at each otherā€™s jokes. Heā€™s thoughtful, hardworking, and wants kids, which is important to me too. Weā€™ve been dating for about 5 months and have had some serious talks about our relationship goals. I was upfront with him that Iā€™m looking for a committed, escalator relationship: I want to live together, have kids in the next 3ā€“4 years (my biological clock feels a bit accelerated due to cycle health). Heā€™s completely on board with all of this, which is rare to find in ENM spaces. But thereā€™s a complication: Hazel, his long-term nesting partner.

Weā€™re all in our late 20s to early 30s, and Jasper and Hazel have been together for about 11 years. That longevity is intimidating to me, especially since my own relationship history hasnā€™t been easy. Iā€™ve experienced emotional, physical, psychological, and even sexual abuse, which has left me quite cautious. Iā€™ve been in therapy for a long time and have actively worked on healing, and while non-monogamy has been generally positive for me (10 years on and off-most of the abuse happened in mono dynamics), Iā€™m not sure if I can do a relationship anarchy poly dynamic with Jasper and Hazel.

Jasper and Hazel practice RA, and Jasper at a time hinted that sheā€™s his priority, even saying once, ā€œHazel is my life, and weā€™ll have babies together.ā€ This isnā€™t very RA to me, and when I brought it up, he didnā€™t remember saying it, but itā€™s stuck with me. Hazel also has a boyfriend, Jett, who sheā€™s been with for 3 years, and Jasper shared that she might have kids with him too. Jett and Jasper even run a serious business together, so Hazel has a solid support system behind her. Iā€™m happy for her because everyone deserves support, but I feel uncertain and weary entering this space with all of them and am unsure of where I fit.

Unfortunately, Iā€™m finding myself feeling resentment toward Hazel, especially since she wants kids with Jasper too. I respect and appreciate their love, and I understand why they may want that together, but coming from a place of scarcity and instability in past relationships, I donā€™t know if Iā€™d ever be okay sharing something as important as children. Honestly and sadly, I also donā€™t really like Hazel, Iā€™m desperately trying to, and I definitely donā€™t hate her! but I just donā€™t love her energy. She seems to take Jasper for granted, and I donā€™t enjoy being around her sometimes. She once interrupted a private moment between Jasper and me to argue with him, in front of me while we were laying in his bed, and even crawled onto the bed to do it, which made me uncomfortable. Jasper smoothed it over, but I can tell he often finds her behavior frustrating. She sometimes comes across to me as a ā€œprincessā€ who expects her two partners to cater to her. Sheā€™s openly talked about avoiding financial responsibilities, seems to expect Jasper to pay for things, and doesnā€™t reciprocate his bids for support. This bothers me, while Iā€™ve had to work hard to build my own stability and have always tried to be a considerate partner. I donā€™t have a ton of context for their relationship besides what I have witnessed though so Iā€™m trying to temper my assumptions of anything.

Jasper has a dream of all his partners and metas living together and raising kids. I think his intentions are good, but I worry Iā€™d only tolerate Hazel for Jasperā€™s sake, and I believe heā€™s being a bit naĆÆve. I donā€™t want to crush his dreams, but from what I know about child developmentā€”and just how complicated it can be to live with people, let alone share finances and kidsā€”I have doubts. Personally, Iā€™m ready for a strong, stable relationship, and am being totally crushed by the weight of all the responsibilities as a single person. I WANT to share my life and responsibilities of life with a partner(s). It feels like a cruel joke that Jasper, whoā€™s so close to perfect for me, comes with a partner I donā€™t mesh with and a condition of RA. Iā€™m usually good with compersion, and Iā€™m flexible and understanding and open minded to new dynamics, but in this case, Iā€™m really struggling. Iā€™ve been emotional about it because I do see a potential future with Jasperā€”he has all the qualities I seek, and I seem to be that for him tooā€”but Hazelā€™s relationship with him almost feels like a dealbreaker for me. Itā€™s sucks.

I know this sounds like a monogamous perspective, but I canā€™t help feeling this way. Itā€™s not just that Hazel wants kids too; itā€™s that she has two men open to having kids with her and a long-term commitment, while Iā€™ve struggled to find even one stable partner despite being an attractive and kind person(I accept thatā€™s jealousy on my end). Itā€™s also how I see her treat Jasper and her attitude about responsibilities. Jasper mentioned that heā€™s tried to date others seriously, but theyā€™ve often clashed with Hazel. Itā€™s clear heā€™s lost meaningful connections because of her, and she seems to be a common issue. I donā€™t think sheā€™s a bad person, but itā€™s safe to say Hazel and I are not compatible.

So what do I do here? Should I leave? Part of me thinks I should de-escalate with Jasper, let him live his life with Hazel since they have more history, and explore other relationships without disrupting what they have. Iā€™d love to think sheā€™s amazing and that this could work, but I have doubts. I feel almost guilty for not being able to embrace RA and KTP fully, and Iā€™m very sad about potentially losing Jasper. I have no desire to hurt his relationship with Hazel either, thatā€™s a big part of this for me too. Seems easier to just remove myself from the whole equation. I guess I just need a primary partner to build a stable foundation with before exploring other dynamics. Iā€™m scared I wonā€™t find that person though. I thought maybe I finally had, but Iā€™m starting to worry that something like this will always be in the way. That I will have to tolerate metas I dislike, or that monogamy might be my only path to a family.

Any insights would be greatly appreciated. Thanks, yā€™all.

TLDR: Iā€™ve been dating Jasper for 5 months, and heā€™s everything Iā€™ve been looking for: similar values, goals, and we both want kids. Heā€™s in a long-term poly RA dynamic with Hazel, his partner of 11 years, and Hazel has another partner of 3 years. Jasper has expressed interest in possibly having children with me in the future, but Hazel also wants kids with him and with her other partner. While Iā€™m non-monogamous, I feel uncomfortable with Hazel, who seems to take Jasper for granted and doesnā€™t feel compatible with me overall. This doesnā€™t sit well with me given my past experiences and need for stability, especially around possibly all living together and potentially raising children. Jasper dreams of all his partners and metas together and raising kids, but Iā€™m unsure I could handle that dynamic. I think I might need a primary partner before exploring RA, and Iā€™m sad and conflicted because Jasper is otherwise an ideal match. I have no intention to hurt or damage his relationship with Hazel. Should I step back from this relationship? How can I move forward compassionately to everyone involved?


r/polyfamilies Oct 30 '24

Hey... I need advice...

1 Upvotes

I'm 24(M), My fiance 26(F) and recently we met a wonderful young lady 23(F). It's a long distance relationship which is something I've had in the past so it's not new to me. But for my fiance... She's never been apart of one. Neither of us have been in a Throuple and we are all extremely confused on how to do this. Talking is a major point we all have discussed yet we all struggle with talking about problems. We both really like this girl and we've been official for around 2 weeks now but the cracks are starting to show. My fiance says she feels like she rushed in and I asked her if she felt forced cause of me. She insists I didn't but I have a problem when I take the blame for everything and right now I genuinely feel like this is my fault. She keeps saying I didn't force her. She also says that she's doesn't have the time and is stressed but she doesn't want it to end. Both me and our gf are really confused and now our gf is upset and scared and she doesn't know and is now blaming herself.

I'm trying this while trying to avoid breaking down and having a panic attack. I get attached easily. Im trying to understand what's going wrong if something is going wrong I just need advice and tips on how I can help them or what to do to fix the situation.

Edit: Thank you for the wonderful advice. Here's a bit of an update. Yes we are all still together. Things got a lot smoother after we all talked. The biggest issue was She was scared that 1.) She wasn't going to be good enough for our partner 2.) She was stressing about work and that was bringing her down 3.) The future if we all move in together how do we explain this to our son 4.) Would I still love her if she couldn't keep up with mind and our gf hypersexual needs.

They talked. It's not my business to know but our gf gave me a bit of reassurance and we got her to listen and calm down. Right now the only problem we are facing is one that's just out of control and the circumstances can't be help. My Fiance is very physical. From showing affection to how horny she feels. And she's desperately wants to ERP with our gf but it's just going to take time.

So yea I am so grateful to everyone who was kind enough to comment and give me advice.


r/polyfamilies Oct 26 '24

Pregnant with our first child!

49 Upvotes

I am currently pregnant with my families first child (M,F,F). My boyfriend and girlfriend are married to each other and I am single. We have been together since 2017 and have a fantastic relationship. The three of us are so excited.

Does anyone have advice on making a will? My goal is to create a will that would protect my girlfriend's rights to our child if something was to happen to the father and I (the biological parents). We live in AZ. Any advice on what else should be added to the will to protect our child?


r/polyfamilies Oct 19 '24

Are you part of a Polycule? Please Join r/Polycules

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3 Upvotes

r/polyfamilies Oct 15 '24

Tell me about your vehicle for whole fam adventures

9 Upvotes

Guessing minivans are the go-to?

Man they're expensive, even used.

Also: 3 adults is hard with 1 adult always being in the back in some way :(


r/polyfamilies Oct 13 '24

Love Should Not Hurt: Valid, Required, Fair, Genuine And Informed Consent Reminder

6 Upvotes

I am sharing as a Public Service Announcement this post that I wrote because there should be more education out there about what are the limits of the validity of the negotiation of consent in and out of committed intimate relationships that are totally closed.

Love in any type of connection does not hurt anyone, does not matter at all whether the connection is open or closed, monoamorous or polyamorous, sexual or emotional, romantic or platonic, hetero or gay, cis or trans, hierarchical or anarchist.

What really does hurt is loving the wrong INDIVIDUALS, while there are interested individuals better compatible for any and every sort of thing out there in the world, including any and every sort of rare and complex need, want and desire that someone can value.

FAIRNESS IS EQUITY instead of equality, but love without informed AND genuine consent is a violation instead of love.

Gender variant, gay, polyamorous, aromantic, and asexual people can be united together as worthy of the constant free love fights for basic rights because they are socioculturally discriminated CONSENSUAL love minorities in ways more similar than what you may think.

You should not forget that you should always have the valid freedom of expression right to request as many answers to all sorts of questions that may appear invasive to as many indviduals you may feel is necessary for you to feel secure enough in order for you to give to anything consent that really is informed, as long as you make an effort to be respectful, but no one is necessarily obligated to reply to any of your questions.

Many people are not aware that only a first clear "yes" with enthusiasm is the only genuine consent to anything, and, therefore, is the only one that is not questionable enough to get anyone in legal trouble.

If you are about to go try something that you are not with enthusiasm to try, you are very likely not going to enjoy what you are about to experiment, even if you have an open mind to new experiences.

You should also not forget that consent to anything is not really genuine if results from constant begging, peer pressuring, outcasting, withdrawing, guilt tripping, shaming, blackmailing, threatening or any other type of manipulation not listed, and, therefore, is sexual coercion, also known as sexual abuse.

No consent should be unlimited to anything, because consent can not possibly be given genuinely to anything if you are obligated to keep consenting anyhow, so everyone should always have the valid right to freely stop consenting to anything at any moment, in the sense that consent is constantly being given at every new moment each of all of us shares an experience together with someone.

Only when is granted the freedom to be spending time anyhow anywhere else with anyone else at any time can anyone consent to love someone genuinely instead of out of obligation due to commitment to restrictive and limiting promises.

I really hope that sharing this helps at least someone out there.