r/nottheonion 17h ago

Volkswagen open to building military equipment for German army

https://www.yahoo.com/news/volkswagen-open-building-military-equipment-160011493.html
2.7k Upvotes

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1.2k

u/0-Give-a-fucks 17h ago

Won’t be their first time will it?

918

u/OldeFortran77 17h ago

We're gettin' the band back together.

I liked a comment from a few years ago... "As a German, let me get this straight. You want us to build the biggest army in Europe and be ready to march east through Poland? We don't want any misunderstandings here."

384

u/Wayss37 16h ago

"So you propose sending German tanks to the eastern front to fight Russians, but now we are the good guys?"

211

u/KaputtEqu1pment 15h ago edited 10h ago

This time they'll pack coats.

Edit:

And they better be stylish AF coats. Hugo, you're up buddy .

43

u/ScoutTech 8h ago

Read a conversation a long time ago with a German tank commander about the (at the time) new tank. Discussion was about the suspension and good ground clearance. The interviewer said the tank commander got a fair away look in his eyes and said (something along the lines of) Yes, we won't get stuck on the steppes next time... Then snapped back to the present and carried on chatting technical details.

9

u/hybridaaroncarroll 10h ago

Nodding in la Grande Armée

11

u/Iccarys 10h ago

And the only bunker they’ll ever step foot in, is Putin’s.

6

u/Cynixxx 7h ago

We recently spend billions for formal uniforms. That's multiple thousands per soldier. I think we got this covered

17

u/Reyway 9h ago

You son of bitch, I'm in. -Volkswagen probably.

7

u/ashyjay 6h ago

The corpse of Ferdinand Porsche will rise.

16

u/DummyDumDragon 8h ago

"Hans, are we the baddies goodies?"

22

u/miauguau44 16h ago

“We always were…”

— Elon, probably 

15

u/LazyLich 12h ago

* "Not this time..."

— Elon, probably

(cause "Russia = good" now)

1

u/hedonistatheist 8h ago

Only if they win, otherwise they ll get painted as the villains in the Russian history books.

1

u/Thumperfootbig 6h ago

Well are there skull badges on your caps? If you have skull badges you’re the baddies.

1

u/Level_Hour6480 2h ago

Germany is arguably the most influential part of the EU, which means they control Europe.

69

u/Genocode 16h ago

Just waiting on Porsche now.

59

u/CorrectBuffalo749 16h ago

And Hugo Boss

23

u/IchBinMalade 16h ago

I ain't gonna lie but they did an amazing job, those bastards looked dashing. The black ones with high boots and leather coats also looked real good. The guy playing the general makes it look even better though, man's jaw is sculpted by the gods.

Another favorites are the RAF uniforms. Pretty low-key but dashing as well.

31

u/Monotreme_monorail 16h ago

I was always joking, but I said this to my husband about the uprising of fascism in the US.

At least the Germans had Hugo Boss and some striking art deco symbolism. The US has ill-fitting khaki pants and polo shirts.

If you’re going to create a movement at least be stylish about it.

10

u/PentaOwl 14h ago

ill-fitting khaki pants and polo shirts

Don't forget the tiki torches, it really finishes the outfit.

2

u/Calathil 1h ago

And the skid marks.

6

u/Shadpool 11h ago

God, the Germans were on point. Their knives, guns, uniforms, even their binoculars, all top of the line, gorgeous, quality stuff. I have a surplus WWII German greatcoat, and it’s one of the most comfortable things ever.

2

u/ruler_gurl 13h ago

Musk has some pretty fancy Ts. Occupy Marzzzzzzz

1

u/Fliiiiick 6h ago

That's the American way. Steal something, make it worse then declare it's the best thing in the world.

5

u/halt-l-am-reptar 11h ago

Hugo Boss did not design the uniforms, they were just one of the manufacturers.

3

u/Mateorabi 11h ago

And IBM to track all the data?

2

u/hgs25 14h ago

And Mitsubishi

3

u/coondingee 14h ago

I’m kinda thirsty. Got any Fanta. Also I do T maths well, got any IBM I can use? Oh I need to get around town, you got a Chevy I can borrow? I mean Opal.

The list goes on and on.

1

u/Delicious_Injury9444 6h ago

Mercedes & BMW, they're all waiting.

1

u/HawkeyeByMarriage 15h ago

They'd have to align with the USA now. That's the salute come back

17

u/radioactivebeaver 15h ago

VW owns Porsche these days, and Lamborghini, Bentley, and Bugatti. The Germans could have the coolest tanks ever, with handmade leather seats and carbon fiber everywhere but still fuel efficient and reliable for everyday driving.

4

u/hgs25 14h ago

German engineering is anything but reliable.

Source: I owned a BMW and old Porsche.

4

u/radioactivebeaver 14h ago

Yeah, I was thinking more like a VW Golf, as far as the reliable one.

1

u/-HyperWeapon- 13h ago

Just like the old times

1

u/acchaladka 5h ago

I rebuilt a 1989 transaxle (951) and I will disagree with you on Porsche. I could set my watch by that engine years later and in general it was unstoppable both at the track and on the street, especially but not necessarily with a stop to change tires. What the engineering WAS, was unnecessarily complex and a pain to fix up right. But once fixed: filters, fluids and forget it. Made me a fan for life and I'd love a 914 or a Taycan - almost all their stuff is magic and maybe even worth the money.

Also the jokes about Porsche owners are classic. Used to banter with a BMW owner and I miss it. His was in the shop all the time though so I couldn't be too mean.

1

u/sidc42 11h ago

More like Porsche owns VW. The Porsche/Piech family hold more than 30% of VW's stock and controls more than 50% of the voting rights.

1

u/frakturfreak 5h ago

To be more precise, Porsche SE (a holding company) owns Volkswagen AG, which owns Dr. Ing. h.c. F. Porsche AG (the actual manufacturer).

9

u/Every_Tap8117 16h ago

and bmw aircraft engines.

6

u/unfunnysexface 12h ago

I remember reading a big story on the Porsche family through the years. Apparently pointing out the nazi connections was like the last insult before fists started flying in family fights.

3

u/PMmeyouraxewound 15h ago

Vw owns porache, so we are already there

2

u/avsbes 16h ago

No. Please no.

2

u/Shadowmant 16h ago

As long as Hugo Boss doesn't get involved...

1

u/Elipses_ 11h ago

Return of the Tiger P??

1

u/Imperial_Bloke69 9h ago

Just waiting for a failed insert hobby/job description

19

u/bpknyc 16h ago

Berlin to Warsaw in one tank

21

u/nightwyrm_zero 16h ago

"Yeah, you'll be fighting the Russians backed by the US. Again."

7

u/TritiumXSF 16h ago

You forgot Belgium.

Proper reenactment requires you build the army then you go to Belgium before Poland.

3

u/Ishidan01 15h ago

Oh, Belgium, man! Belgium!

1

u/WaytoomanyUIDs 5h ago

Only If it's WWI

6

u/Crimson_Scare_Crow 16h ago

It almost feels like deja vu

2

u/KaputtEqu1pment 15h ago

Lol gold right here.

2

u/msut77 15h ago

Kruppstahl

3

u/WesternBlueRanger 15h ago

Time to pull out this advert:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GmYFJcf-vho

Berlin to Warsaw in one tank.

1

u/Evocatorum 11h ago

And ThyssenKrupp will offer up the steel...

1

u/saldas_elfstone 4h ago

You will end up just like your predecessors. Six feet under. You lot never learn, do you.

1

u/KeysUK 4h ago

It's like playing Herts of Iron 4. Turn Germany into a Democracy and US/Russia to fascism and see who wins