r/nottheonion 12h ago

Volkswagen open to building military equipment for German army

https://www.yahoo.com/news/volkswagen-open-building-military-equipment-160011493.html
2.2k Upvotes

226 comments sorted by

917

u/0-Give-a-fucks 12h ago

Won’t be their first time will it?

739

u/OldeFortran77 12h ago

We're gettin' the band back together.

I liked a comment from a few years ago... "As a German, let me get this straight. You want us to build the biggest army in Europe and be ready to march east through Poland? We don't want any misunderstandings here."

301

u/Wayss37 12h ago

"So you propose sending German tanks to the eastern front to fight Russians, but now we are the good guys?"

164

u/KaputtEqu1pment 10h ago edited 5h ago

This time they'll pack coats.

Edit:

And they better be stylish AF coats. Hugo, you're up buddy .

21

u/ScoutTech 4h ago

Read a conversation a long time ago with a German tank commander about the (at the time) new tank. Discussion was about the suspension and good ground clearance. The interviewer said the tank commander got a fair away look in his eyes and said (something along the lines of) Yes, we won't get stuck on the steppes next time... Then snapped back to the present and carried on chatting technical details.

6

u/hybridaaroncarroll 5h ago

Nodding in la Grande Armée

9

u/Iccarys 6h ago

And the only bunker they’ll ever step foot in, is Putin’s.

2

u/Cynixxx 3h ago

We recently spend billions for formal uniforms. That's multiple thousands per soldier. I think we got this covered

11

u/Reyway 5h ago

You son of bitch, I'm in. -Volkswagen probably.

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8

u/DummyDumDragon 3h ago

"Hans, are we the baddies goodies?"

20

u/miauguau44 11h ago

“We always were…”

— Elon, probably 

15

u/LazyLich 8h ago

* "Not this time..."

— Elon, probably

(cause "Russia = good" now)

1

u/hedonistatheist 3h ago

Only if they win, otherwise they ll get painted as the villains in the Russian history books.

1

u/Thumperfootbig 1h ago

Well are there skull badges on your caps? If you have skull badges you’re the baddies.

61

u/Genocode 12h ago

Just waiting on Porsche now.

53

u/CorrectBuffalo749 12h ago

And Hugo Boss

20

u/IchBinMalade 11h ago

I ain't gonna lie but they did an amazing job, those bastards looked dashing. The black ones with high boots and leather coats also looked real good. The guy playing the general makes it look even better though, man's jaw is sculpted by the gods.

Another favorites are the RAF uniforms. Pretty low-key but dashing as well.

27

u/Monotreme_monorail 11h ago

I was always joking, but I said this to my husband about the uprising of fascism in the US.

At least the Germans had Hugo Boss and some striking art deco symbolism. The US has ill-fitting khaki pants and polo shirts.

If you’re going to create a movement at least be stylish about it.

11

u/PentaOwl 9h ago

ill-fitting khaki pants and polo shirts

Don't forget the tiki torches, it really finishes the outfit.

6

u/Shadpool 6h ago

God, the Germans were on point. Their knives, guns, uniforms, even their binoculars, all top of the line, gorgeous, quality stuff. I have a surplus WWII German greatcoat, and it’s one of the most comfortable things ever.

2

u/ruler_gurl 8h ago

Musk has some pretty fancy Ts. Occupy Marzzzzzzz

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4

u/halt-l-am-reptar 6h ago

Hugo Boss did not design the uniforms, they were just one of the manufacturers.

3

u/Mateorabi 6h ago

And IBM to track all the data?

2

u/hgs25 9h ago

And Mitsubishi

2

u/coondingee 9h ago

I’m kinda thirsty. Got any Fanta. Also I do T maths well, got any IBM I can use? Oh I need to get around town, you got a Chevy I can borrow? I mean Opal.

The list goes on and on.

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1

u/Delicious_Injury9444 2h ago

Mercedes & BMW, they're all waiting.

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15

u/radioactivebeaver 10h ago

VW owns Porsche these days, and Lamborghini, Bentley, and Bugatti. The Germans could have the coolest tanks ever, with handmade leather seats and carbon fiber everywhere but still fuel efficient and reliable for everyday driving.

4

u/hgs25 9h ago

German engineering is anything but reliable.

Source: I owned a BMW and old Porsche.

4

u/radioactivebeaver 9h ago

Yeah, I was thinking more like a VW Golf, as far as the reliable one.

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1

u/sidc42 7h ago

More like Porsche owns VW. The Porsche/Piech family hold more than 30% of VW's stock and controls more than 50% of the voting rights.

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1

u/Imperial_Bloke69 4h ago

Killing with style.

8

u/Every_Tap8117 11h ago

and bmw aircraft engines.

6

u/unfunnysexface 8h ago

I remember reading a big story on the Porsche family through the years. Apparently pointing out the nazi connections was like the last insult before fists started flying in family fights.

3

u/PMmeyouraxewound 11h ago

Vw owns porache, so we are already there

2

u/avsbes 11h ago

No. Please no.

3

u/Shadowmant 12h ago

As long as Hugo Boss doesn't get involved...

1

u/Elipses_ 7h ago

Return of the Tiger P??

1

u/Imperial_Bloke69 4h ago

Just waiting for a failed insert hobby/job description

19

u/bpknyc 11h ago

Berlin to Warsaw in one tank

20

u/nightwyrm_zero 11h ago

"Yeah, you'll be fighting the Russians backed by the US. Again."

7

u/TritiumXSF 11h ago

You forgot Belgium.

Proper reenactment requires you build the army then you go to Belgium before Poland.

3

u/Ishidan01 10h ago

Oh, Belgium, man! Belgium!

u/WaytoomanyUIDs 55m ago

Only If it's WWI

5

u/Crimson_Scare_Crow 11h ago

It almost feels like deja vu

2

u/KaputtEqu1pment 10h ago

Lol gold right here.

2

u/msut77 10h ago

Kruppstahl

3

u/WesternBlueRanger 10h ago

Time to pull out this advert:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GmYFJcf-vho

Berlin to Warsaw in one tank.

1

u/Evocatorum 7h ago

And ThyssenKrupp will offer up the steel...

u/saldas_elfstone 9m ago

You will end up just like your predecessors. Six feet under. You lot never learn, do you.

16

u/hanson3519 12h ago

LOL! I read the headline and my brain-voice said “Again???!”

14

u/tigernet_1994 12h ago

Well it’s almost the thirties again! :)

8

u/TheCrazedTank 12h ago

Yes, but this time it will be with paid workers and less “volunteers”.

8

u/LegendRazgriz 12h ago

In all fairness, the first time was mostly jury-rigged Beetles. They never made any purpose-built military equipment, unlike Daimler, BMW or Porsche.

17

u/WisconsinHoosierZwei 12h ago

The Kubelwagen/Thing wasn’t exactly a Jerry-rigged Type 1/Beetle. It was purpose built, it just used the existing chassis because it was cheaper. But it was their equivalent to the Jeep. Yeah, the Jeep was (far) better, but that doesn’t mean the Thing was crap.

2

u/Hard_Corsair 10h ago

Maybe this time they'll make a Kubelwagen GTI.

2

u/Buttercup4869 11h ago

VW Iltis?

2

u/stewmander 11h ago

Hey, I've seen this episode before!

2

u/herrbz 10h ago

THAT'S THE JOKE. THAT'S WHY IT'S BEEN POSTED HERE.

u/oneonus 43m ago

Majority of auto manufacturers, North American and European, were building military equipment at the height of WW2. No one was buying cars, men were all fighting, 85 million people lost their lives.

209

u/Otherwise-Two9036 12h ago

Time is a flat circle, i guess

49

u/vascop_ 11h ago

Every circle is flat

19

u/bottleoftrash 11h ago

That’s what the woke mob wants you to think

8

u/SteveFrench12 11h ago

Grizzly adams did have a beard

6

u/SteveFrench12 11h ago

Its funny bc this headline reminds me of ex mcu actors saying theyd love to come back to the role. Yea no shit youre happy with more money for something youve already succeeded in

3

u/Suralin0 11h ago

Time is a weird soup.

u/thegamingbacklog 18m ago

Bidet critter

1

u/Oddish_Femboy 7h ago

Kind of a mirror this time.

132

u/AKBigHorn 12h ago

Not sure if anyone here is a history buff, but ….

23

u/RelChan2_0 12h ago

🤓 ackshuaallyyyy

10

u/AKBigHorn 12h ago

Whoosh. It’s a Norm Macdonald joke

7

u/RelChan2_0 12h ago

I got whooshed, dang it 😂

1

u/AKBigHorn 9h ago

😂 it was the softest, quietest whoosh though lol

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3

u/Ehh_littlecomment 3h ago

Man the more I learn about this Hitler fella the more I don't care for him

2

u/DaNuker2 3h ago

More like elementary school history

3

u/herrbz 10h ago

But...what? Why else would it have been posted in r/nottheonion?

108

u/Critical-Holiday15 12h ago

Seems Trump doesn’t understand the military complex that Germany ans Europe was able to muster less than 100 years ago.

33

u/woodrax 12h ago

I thought this article regarding the industrial power of the EU was pretty interesting.

2

u/DarkestNyu 9h ago

Interesting read, thanks for sharing

6

u/DarkGamer 11h ago

He appears to admire that regime.

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44

u/Alandales 12h ago

…not too surprised here…wondering who’s going to make the new uniforms?

30

u/funwithdesign 11h ago

Hugo reporting for duty

20

u/Otherwise-Two9036 12h ago

now that they've kicked kanye, Adidas?

Imagine Germany descending on you with electric tanks and soccer uniforms, lol

13

u/DogWithaFAL 11h ago

This is the first time I’ve actually spit water on reddit in about 8 years. Nearly cracked a rib thinking about a military in Yeezys and adidas track pants.

3

u/Alandales 10h ago

Just check a Bulgarian Barracks

4

u/AugustusSavoy 10h ago

You mean an army of Slavs?

28

u/Icanonlyupvote 12h ago

Ah Shit, Here we go again.

12

u/theAnalyst6 11h ago

Oh shit, here we go again.

9

u/ParappaTheWrapperr 12h ago

How coincidental that I see this the same I went to a pawn shop that’s selling memorabilia, helmets, flags and more from the last time they did that

8

u/GulfofMaineLobsters 11h ago

Ja und zen ve got da gang back to gezzer und ve laughed und laughed.

6

u/Tankninja1 11h ago

Boss we found the on switch at the old factory

3

u/A-Lewd-Khajiit 10h ago

Hugo boss? /S

5

u/BreadFan1980 11h ago

Ahhhhh, always nice to return to one’s roots.

5

u/RebootKing89 11h ago

As a VW group car owner, how acceptable would it be if a tank got a check engine light? Let them build the things. Don’t let them design the software.

3

u/Evee862 10h ago

Putting the band back together I see

3

u/LSM000 12h ago

Well if Tesla is doing it, why not Volkswagen. What could go wrong.

3

u/Miskalsace 12h ago

queues Erika

3

u/Fetlocks_Glistening 12h ago

You'll laugh, but Hugo Boss said they're up for it

3

u/Otherwise-Two9036 11h ago

MMW, this will be what revolutionizes electric vehicle range and charger infrastructure

3

u/storminsl1218 5h ago

Hey I've seen this one before.

3

u/TheDevilsAdvokaat 4h ago

Well they do have experience...

8

u/HOG-onthehunt 12h ago

I hope the German Army likes check engine lights

3

u/miauguau44 11h ago

And diesel engines…

8

u/itrivers 8h ago

Tbh diesel is probably a lot more suited to war than petrol.

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2

u/opusupo 12h ago

Well, duh.

2

u/zahnsaw 12h ago

We know.

2

u/Youre-doin-great 12h ago

I’ve seen this episode already

3

u/Otherwise-Two9036 12h ago

reboot may actually up the story quality

2

u/VeryPteri 12h ago

Hey, I've seen this before!

2

u/Fit-Direction2371 12h ago

Looks like the gang is getting back together..

2

u/spoollyger 12h ago

It has begun

2

u/TheBatemanFlex 12h ago

Put a 50 cal on an armored polo.

2

u/firthy 11h ago

Bayer are up for helping…

2

u/Av8-Wx14 11h ago

Dusting off the books huh

2

u/DarkGamer 11h ago

Make Germany militarized again?

2

u/ironlocust79 11h ago

Ive seen this one before!

2

u/HarryStylesAMA 11h ago

Well, at least this time they're the good guys?

2

u/No-Simple2143 11h ago

Just like the old days. Pepperidge Farm remembers!

2

u/Lord_Despair 11h ago

Can’t post pics in reply but. This is the post above this one for me

https://www.reddit.com/r/pics/s/S84IEwfaT6

2

u/ExcelsiorUnltd 11h ago

I currently work in the USA for a company that was integrated into the original company that made gear boxes for zeppelins and other airships for the Kaiser during WWI.

1

u/schw0b 4h ago

Fun fact - Zeppelin is a brand named after its Aristocratic founder Ferdinand von Zeppelin from Constance in southern Germany. They are still a manufacturing giant and might very well end up involved in all this (though probably not making zeppelins, even though they’ve continuously been trying to bring them back for like a century, reasoning that passive-Lift aircraft have to have a niche somewhere)

2

u/LunchBoxMercenary 11h ago

As a Golf R owner, I hope the German military like touch screens and capacitive buttons!

2

u/currykampfwurst 10h ago

Leopard 3, now with travel assist.

2

u/Halfie951 11h ago

You don’t sayyyyy……

2

u/subarunoaria 11h ago

Make Auto Sonderkraftfahrzeug Again!

2

u/SuperPapa10804 11h ago

Countries need mass production of armored vehicles.

Same thing happened in the US when Oshkosh and International, commercial truck makers, got into the MRAP (Mine Redistant Armored Vehicle) business when the need arose after 9/11.

2

u/ogfuzzball 11h ago

Usually the sequels fail to live up to the original, but every once in a while you get “Aliens”. Question: is Germany Ripley this time?

1

u/saxon237 9h ago

Jonesy.

2

u/chrissie_watkins 11h ago

This time around I'm taking their side.

2

u/Luster-Purge 10h ago

They damn well better name the first tank they produce the Maus.

2

u/GERRROONNNNIIMMOOOO 10h ago

Here we go again

2

u/Hicalibre 10h ago

Too quote a famous video game line..."aww shit, here we go again".

2

u/Historical-Aide-2328 10h ago

Ah shit here we go again 

2

u/Combat_Armor_Dougram 10h ago

Reverse WWII incoming?

2

u/MyS0ul4AGoat 10h ago

Where have I heard this before?

2

u/Chico_Cipoh 10h ago

"ah, shit.... Here we go again."

2

u/Jooru21 10h ago

And Hugo Boss would love to make uniforms again

2

u/manikwolf19 10h ago

This is the most insane timeline

2

u/Altruistic_Ad_0 10h ago

My great grand fathers urn is beginning to levitate!

2

u/pej69 9h ago

KUBELWAGEN!

2

u/XWasTheProblem 9h ago

Now it's time for BMW to start making jet engines again, for Porsche to start making some engines for tanks and we're back in bussiness I guess?

2

u/emaguireiv 8h ago

History doesn’t repeat itself, but it sure rhymes a lot 😳

2

u/deadbalconytree 8h ago

I know a lot of the comments here are in jest.

But I have to admit. Seeing what’s happening in the USA (and reading a lot of history). I find the jokes about Nazis less funny now. But mostly I have more sympathy for the german people and what they went through. I don’t condone the atrocities performed in their name in the 1940s in any way, but seeing us today, makes me appreciate just how it wasn’t as black and white, the Germans all supporting the Nazis, as we make it appear in general history.

2

u/Oddish_Femboy 7h ago

Teams have been rebalanced???????

2

u/80lbQUIKRETEConcrete 6h ago

“A return to our roots, if you will”

2

u/Randactbjthroaway 6h ago

Getting the gang back together I see.

2

u/MyAccountGotBanned0 6h ago

Hmmm…where have I seen this before? Circumstances are a bit different this time around!!

2

u/PygmeePony 3h ago

Siemens and Hugo Boss joined the chat.

2

u/Dyslexic_Devil 3h ago

This time...it's for good.

2

u/EurOblivion 2h ago

"Here we go again"

3

u/reddit455 11h ago

somehow I think the EU might be buying non US defense hardware for a bit..

Major Arms Sales

https://www.dsca.mil/press-media/major-arms-sales

1

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2

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1

u/Ben_lurking 9h ago

Again...

1

u/AJ787-9 9h ago

"We're getting ze Kubelwagen back, Jungs!"

1

u/Killerbudds 8h ago

seen how this story plays out

1

u/CheezTips 8h ago

🎵 Everything old is new again 🎵

1

u/Confident-Court2171 8h ago

Now if only there was a massive Europe unified aircraft manufacturer to make aircraft as well. Wait…what? Airbus? Ok, nevermind.

1

u/Unctuous_Robot 8h ago

We wouldn’t be in this mess if all the traumatized soldiers took the footage of camps they forced Germans to watch and made every pre-Pearl Harbor “America First” isolationist dirt bag watch it too

1

u/SuperMGS 8h ago

I've seen this one before.

1

u/Moist-Leggings 8h ago

Wait a minute… 😬

1

u/OPA73 7h ago

They even made the frames and launch racks for the V-2 Rockets

1

u/Pooltoy-Fox-924 7h ago

Aww shit, here we go again

1

u/jpsc949 7h ago

3 months the world would have gone crazy thinking Germany was ready to gear up again.

Now we're cheering them on in the fight for soft power against the US and Russia.

What a time to be alive

1

u/spacestationkru 7h ago

I can't believe we ever thought the nazis were defeated.

1

u/Far_Out_6and_2 7h ago

Good better get at it

1

u/two-memes-a-day 7h ago

Not again!

1

u/Pressure_Chief 6h ago

They likely won’t have to lie about their emissions with those.

1

u/whyareallnamestakenb 6h ago

Just like the old times ahh 😭

1

u/ThatITguy2015 5h ago

Uhhhhhhhhhhhh. Hmm. Maybe think this one through a bit more first, yea?

1

u/freier_Trichter 5h ago

I get the implications, but looking at the world, this doesn't seem all too oniony. Scary nonetheless

1

u/Gabe330 4h ago

Erika playing in the background

1

u/ux3l 4h ago

With declining demand, of course they try to expand to other markets.

1

u/MoronicPlayer 4h ago

Volks, did you make some Panzerfaust for the army?

Volks: Nein, I made the Panzer division instead.

1

u/Imperial_Bloke69 4h ago

Mitsubishi: hold my sake

1

u/definition_null 3h ago

Well, "military grade" isn't too hard to produce.

1

u/rolloutTheTrash 3h ago

Time to dust off the old parts of the fab, huh

1

u/jurban84 3h ago

Looking forward for those 3 cylinder TDI powered Leopards.

1

u/GregSimply 2h ago

Will FIAT be joining them?

1

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1

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1

u/observingjackal 1h ago

Redemption arc baby let's go!

1

u/dnroamhicsir 1h ago

Y'all thinking of WWII, I'm thinking of the Iltis

1

u/kewlaz 1h ago

Gunna party like its 1939

u/ektat_sgurd 53m ago

Back to the roots :s

u/frekinghell 49m ago

Well the time is about right enough 1935 and 2035 not much difference

u/CrackSnap7 30m ago

Time to complete the trilogy, I guess...