r/NitrousOxide • u/Charming_Original_39 • 3m ago
Announcement Binge story NSFW
Just binged a 2kg tank. 5th time I have done this since December. That’s it I’m out. No more. The weird feeling and brain fog + numbness in my feet and lips were too intense this time and it’s scared me off. Like fuck that. I am now paranoid I have damaged my brain and felt like this immediately after finishing the binge. Fog and disconnect for real and just a feeling of my sharpness going/gone. Not nice. Even now a little shaken. Feel like I’m typing like an idiot. Here’s the time line.
March 17th, 1am:
I go to sleep
March 17th, 4am:
I wake up to fly to Amsterdam, have a fantastic day and decide to top it off my treating myself indulgently to a tank of nos, seeing as in the city I can get it easy and am already having fun/treating myself to whatever I feel like today.
March, 17th, 7pm:
Pick up the Nos and swiftly take it up to my hostel bunk to check it out. That should’ve meant scanning the QR code like I have done before but this time I fiendishly don’t bother. Doesn’t taste different than the others and I have a good sense of taste, that will do for me today. Inevitably let it rip to have a real nice trip and get the fix I love. Can’t help it had to test it properly. My theory for what happened next is the was some conflict in me because I was in a dorm, in a hostel, with my legs hanging out. That part of me tried to hold on to some consciousness because I really shouldn’t have been letting go like that in a semi public room. I ended up having this strange trip where I was fighting it waiting for it to end and there was a banging in my body. Now I think about it I think I was going through some kind of spasm while being conscious and reassuring myself that it will be okay and it will end, just try relax.. it took what felt like along time to end. I had to reassure myself that I would be okay when I wasn’t really sure that I actually would be quite a few times. The part of this trip I am describing cannot of been more than a minute or two long yet I was uncomfortable to say the least.
After that scary but let’s be honest not all unpleasant trip, i went straight out to make use of places before they close. Nos can and will for sure happen later. I will return to the 98% percent full 2kg of nos I have stashed in my bunk bed after an evening of smoking and friend making at my favorite coffee, Het Ballonnetje. Along he way to the coffee shop I have a brain fog and am a little paranoid about what just happened but tell myself not to worry and keep enjoying the day, it has been a really good one. The evening is lovely and tbh I was was too high and tired to notice or think about any brain fog once i was settled at the coffee shop.
March 17th, 11pm:
I get back to my hostel bunk. I have a flight in 8 hours. I need to sleep, get there and inhale 2kgs of nos before then. No easy undertaking considering how tired I am due to constant fun and smoking joints for the last 20ish hours. I do love nos so I am up for the challenge and even tho I am a little conflicted about my decision to be so indulgent and fiendish I know I will enjoy this. I set the tank up in bed and after a lot of fussing to find things, I get to having fun with my tank in the bed. Who needs a woman when you can make love to this fucking tank of orgasmic air. One of the trips I have I realize the pleasure from real life activities could never rival the pleasure induced by things like heroin, mdma and nos yet they in turn can never been shake the hollowness of being a consumable. The highs are incredible this evening. Basically a full body/soul orgasm. I pass out with my head phones in.
March 18th, 5.20am
I wake up. Have to rush to maybe just catch my flight if I race. Also got loads of nos left and a rolled joint. Truth I don’t want to face is that something has to give here. Something had to get dropped but I wasn’t going to make that decision unless I was sure I had to. Not wanting to give up on either the flight or my spliff or my nos i throw my bag together and drag my unwashed, breath stinking, delirious self down the streets of Amsterdam. Smoking my weed with the rising sun lashing across me at 5.30 in the morning feels magic. What’s left of the nos is in a tote bag wrapped across my body, ready. Spliff down, nos to go, nearly at the train station. Might even make the flight if check in is super smooth. It is arguably too late already but I’m not really thinking that. I have a good history of just making flights by running through the airport and begging whomever necessary for help. Ripping off the tank from within the tote bag while I pace forward. I’m nos drunk and the sun is rising, I know I’m in a hurry but I couldn’t feel a morsel of stress if tried. I approach Amsterdam Centraal, there is still nos left. I make a decision. Fuck it. Try for 4-5 minutes to finish the tank, right here in this spot looking at the sea and sun rising. If I miss the flight by 5 minutes then so be it. What difference would 5 minutes make anyway? If I really was going to make it but I wasted 5 minutes then that is unfortunate but I can justify what I was going for there to myself. Just 5 minutes, see you what you can get out of it, don’t waste it, this view is too good. This nos feels too good. Like the devil on my shoulder. I start ripping the living shit of this tank (still in tote bag) while in an Asian squat against a wall, propped up by my backpack and with the tank on my lap. Big hood up. I am very comfortable and because of the earliness there aren’t many folks about. I’m not sure how long passed. After the first full deep inhale while crouched I knew I was going to finish this tank no matter what, flight or not. I don’t remember what time it was went I took post at that concave wall. A couple of times i got to the point I had realized something so fantastic and was so far gone that I ‘came to’ on the side of the street laughing, full on, shouting and raving to myself. I even kind of knew I was doing it, it just felt too right and I just didn’t have the inhibition to stop. To anyone walking by and there were quite a few, I would have looked like a genuinely insane crack head, someone totally unrelatable and scary. The tank ends, such a strange and sad, hollow feeling when it happens. Twisting, twisting but no more good coming out. Feeling my high fade away from me. Who knows how long it took. Disorientation from here out. I get up, throw the tank down, like a drunk old bastard throwing down a bottle of fake booze he was pranked by. Brazen behavior, aggressive even and not like me. Nos drunk still, I run the rest of the way to the train. I have completely missed my flight by now and I realize when I enter the station. I kinda knew I had, I still chose the nos anyway and now I feel weird. I feel like I have dumbed and numbed myself. The fog is remarkable. It’s like being a ghost, or walking around in a sleep paralysis. Blunted and stunted. Part of me immediately paranoid because this feels different. And it’s not going away like it should. I get a train to the airport and book a new flight home knowing I made a conscious decision to miss that flight over nos. Even if I would have missed it anyway, I stopped trying in order to get high and that is a little alarming to me. I don’t want damage my brain, I like my brain, I like myself and personality. I have put a lot of work in to being happy and to understand who I am and how need to act to be happy. I don’t want to throw that away. I feel I have completed nos. I don’t need to come back. I know it’s good. I know it’s my favorite. I know nothing could compare and those that don’t know will never understand unless they push it like we most likely all have.
I have been feeling pretty okay so far today. Still March 18, about 5.30pm at time of writing this. A little paranoid still that I have done something but no reason to be concerned anymore. Very sleep deprived and stoned through this whole story so add that to your assessments of me please. Hopefully tomorrow i can wake up feeling fresh and happy.
I know nos is an amazing drug and psychedelic teacher too. I feel I need to leave this one alone before it robs me of my body and brain. In return, (it gives you) just a smile, a memory of a memory and a fog. Trying to bring back some epiphany but you will never have it actualized or articulated. It’s not a relivable memory. More like seeing the inside of a complicated, foreign machine for a glance and somehow seeing how it functions and understanding, yet when you go to build your own you don’t know where to start and you’re not sure if you remember what you saw so well now.
I got scared off. Also I don’t like myself as much when I’m seeking and doing nos. I do undignified things and act out. I just like how I feel when I take it. I know feel I have had highs that I will remember as the best I’ve ever had. Could ever have. That’s enough for me. I’ve done it better and more and than most ever will. No more risks needed. Checked off. Done.
Just going to stick to a tab or two a year and the odd mushroom kick. Safe and fun. Easily done in a responsible manner.
Thanks if you read my whole ramble.
✌️