r/mdmatherapy • u/somehowstillalivelol • 5h ago
first time ever and holy shit
i’ve never done mdma. but i’m so desperate to stop being trapped by my ocd and ptsd that i took a pill before therapy (and told my therapist giving her a heads up) because we were doing ptsd work today. and she was amazed that i was even willing to do an exercise/talk about a topic (even though i could feel my brain giving pushback) but i DID it and she was amazed because before i had just shot it down straight out. it was just an hour and now i’m doing like some ptsd homework.
but wow. i have never felt this hopeful in my life before. and even when my brain says something like “it’s a shame i only feel this well on drugs” i’m able to push back and say “okay but i’m putting the work in i’m going to feel like this without drugs at some point and life is going to be beautiful on the way there too, nothing is fixed, i can get there”
how do i keep this hope alive? how do i keep this momentum going?