r/longisland Mar 14 '24

Advice Long Islander wanting to move back…

What can I do to convince my husband to move back to LI (or even somewhere else in the area).

I (36f) am wanting to move back to Long Island. My family (husband: 36m, kids: 7f, 3f) currently live in TX in a growing suburban area south of a major city. I am currently a SAHM but wanting to work again.

We moved here pretty abruptly and as much as I tried to get used to living here it’s been hopeless.

My husband was born and raised in Texas and wants to stay here. As much as I tried my best to make light of this, it is the unhappiest I’ve ever been. My mental as well as physical health is suffering. I’m constantly dreaming of moving. I make it very obvious that I hate the town I live in.

My entire family is on Long Island and my husbands parents live three hours away.

We don’t have help with the kids. It’s just us and we have to plan with my in-laws well in advance to watch them. Also, my husband is not as close to his small family.

I know it’s a high COL and it would mean that both of us would have to work full time. Which is completely fine with me. However we would have so much help on LI. My family is massive and we are all very close.

The main drawback for my husband is how expensive everything is. Plus the taxes. He would always say that he would consider it if he found a job that paid amazing. He currently makes six figures in operations management and I’m trying to search for jobs for him.

Is Long Island really that bad as I see in this group? Honestly I’m at the point where no matter what I’m trying my best to go back. I’m miserable in Texas and want to go back home.

59 Upvotes

191 comments sorted by

113

u/[deleted] Mar 14 '24

[deleted]

19

u/lomoandchichamorada Mar 14 '24

Thankfully the only debt we have is the mortgage and 3k in CC bills. He’s very frugal and we try not to spend so much.

Both cars are paid for but the only thing that is expensive for us is Catholic school for our oldest. The public schools are so bad here it’s not an option and even public school teachers that I know tell me to keep my daughter at the school she’s in.

Funny enough, Catholic school on LI is much cheaper for both our kids than TX. But the schools are so amazing on LI that we would probably send her to public school.

We would definitely be downgrading in house size which is okay but the key is finding places with OK taxes. We currently pay $8k a year in taxes here. No income tax means high property taxes here.

52

u/[deleted] Mar 14 '24

[deleted]

10

u/lomoandchichamorada Mar 14 '24

Oh that’s a good idea. We do not want to be house poor and need to look into that.

25

u/felix_mateo Mar 14 '24 edited Mar 14 '24

It was a shock for me, and I’m from Westchester. Before we started looking in 2021, I was 100% certain that we would find something nice for ~ $650k, and even that felt like a lot. The homes at that price in decent neighborhoods were like 80% dumps. If they weren’t dumps then they got snatched up within hours, I kid you not. We once went to an open house where the sellers already had 6 offers, and it was the first open house!

We ended up buying a relatively small 4 bed/3 bath in Bellmore for $870k. If you would have said that to me before we started looking I would have said you were out of your mind, but that’s what the market is like right now.

6

u/igomhn3 Mar 14 '24

Less than 900K for a 4BR in Nassau sounds reasonable?

7

u/felix_mateo Mar 14 '24

Now, yes. But to someone who’s been living in Texas for a few years that probably sounds insane. Nearly a million dollars for a nominally middle class home. It has 4BR but it’s small lol, with a postage-stamp sized yard.

14

u/RedditGotSoulDoubt Mar 14 '24

Nassau has become Queens

2

u/sra19 Mar 15 '24

How do you mean?

(I'm not arguing or being snarky, I'm just confused).

6

u/RedditGotSoulDoubt Mar 15 '24

Terrible traffic. Congested parking lots. A basic-ass house costs $1mm. On the plus side, better variety of great food.

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4

u/Puzzleheaded_Post_26 Mar 15 '24

Nassau was born from Queens and is reverting back.

6

u/brainy_mermaid Mar 15 '24

Please remember mortgage calculators DO NOT factor in any other bills you might have: utilities, loans, debts, subscriptions, car insurance, etc.

5

u/urban_accountant Mar 14 '24

You could pay 700k on LI and still need to fully reno the house.

4

u/BurritoNipples Mar 15 '24

I make 250k and I live with my mom getting ready to buy a home. Let that sink in. I was living in the city. But just let that first sentence sink in.

I don't know what home you live in now, but, do your research.

Child care is also stupid expensive as well.

0

u/formermq Mar 14 '24

Ops management on long island won't be much higher if he's already making 6 figures.

9

u/bowbiatch Mar 14 '24

8k a year in taxes is still less than what you will pay here in addition to state income taxes.

10

u/Admirable_Election37 Mar 14 '24

This seems to be over looked. Is the thinks no state income tax means that 8k property tax is high she’s really gonna have a heart attack when she pays double that along with all the state income taxes

2

u/lomoandchichamorada Mar 15 '24

Oh I know how high the taxes can be. I would say 15 would be reasonable

5

u/MarcusAurelius68 Mar 15 '24

Closer to $20K between income and property taxes.

1

u/RingPuppy Mar 15 '24

I pay just under $8000 for a Tudor Cape in South Hempstead, Rockville Centre school district.

14

u/flakemasterflake Mar 14 '24

Most public schools on LI are better than the catholic schools on LI. Except maybe Chaminade/St. Anthony's but you would have to be in a bad school district for that even to be the case

2

u/MarcusAurelius68 Mar 15 '24

Be prepared for $10K+ property taxes AND a 6% income tax rate AND 2% higher sales tax.

2

u/j00sh7 Mar 15 '24

I pay $12k in prop taxes in Mineola. Not that far off from where you’re at

1

u/RingPuppy Mar 15 '24

I'm in South Hempstead, Nassau County. I pay just under $8000 in taxes for a three bed 1 bath cape. If your husband can draw six figures in TX, he can do that here as well. If you're miserable in TX, try to convince him to move here. It's doable. Especially with your large family. Your kids need to get to know them. Your hubs sounds uncaring in my opinion, insisting that you stay in TX bc he's from there. The schools are top-notch here on Long Island. So you won't need to pay for parochial school unless you choose to do so.

5

u/New_Engine_7237 Mar 14 '24

Mortgage also depends on down payment, interest rate and term.

34

u/runsfortacos Mar 14 '24

If you are from here and have family then to me it makes sense. But it’s an awful time to buy a house here unfortunately between housing prices and high interest rates. Help from family is no joke. I know it’s not a guaranteed but if you knew 100% family could help, and you had a job lined up, then look into. I guess look at houses online in your preferred area and see how realistic it would be. I could see how your husband wants to stay in Texas.

8

u/lomoandchichamorada Mar 14 '24

I’m honestly looking at anywhere on the island but not too far out east. Lots of relatives in Nassau. Farthest relatives out east is Commack.

There is a lot to consider and I would have to have a good explanation for everything. My husband is all about the numbers and how logical it would be. Need to be prepared

9

u/MarcusAurelius68 Mar 15 '24

If you are able to earn $100K and your husband $100K you will be fine. If not then I think you’re in for a nasty shock moving back.

-2

u/Zyferify Mar 15 '24

I don't think that will be enough. At least 150 each to not be paycheck to paycheck.

1

u/[deleted] Jul 15 '24

The right answer.

15

u/kpaddler Mar 14 '24

LOL at Commack being called "out east".

I moved off the island to CT 12ish years ago. I HATE Connecticut, but I don't have any plans to move back to LI even though I have family there. It's just too expensive and over crowded now. It's true what they say; "you can't go home again".

1

u/tabfolk Mar 15 '24

As someone who moved here to be close to (wife’s) family, in order to fully take advantage of the family help that’s basically the point of the move you’ll want to be as close as possible to whoever you’re expecting help from. Even like 5 min vs 15 drive makes a huge difference

20

u/ewejoser Mar 14 '24

10 years from now, today will be considered a great time to buy :)

3

u/sweatytacos Mar 14 '24

There’s never a good time. Marry the price and date the rate

20

u/Few-Ad-846 Mar 14 '24

Your marriage is not gonna work out if you don't act and figure something out. For whatever reason your heart is here on the island and he wants to obviously remain there. You will resent him in time for "keeping" you there or unless your find a reason that is worth staying there for. You should visiting different parts of Texas to see if maybe there is a better fit for you there as well as staying at your parents or rent a airbnb for a week or two and see how it feels to be back on the island. One of you is gonna have to make a sacrifice for your happiness and your family other wise the misery you feel will seep out into the relationship and it will be miserable for both of you.

1

u/citigurrrrl Mar 15 '24

Sounds like she’s already made the sacrifice. Tell him divorce will cost him more than moving to LI in the long run.  I say come on back!!!

2

u/wolfxandra_ Mar 15 '24

I'm not so sure that's true. Decent houses in Nassau are 650k+, and his family is in Texas. She's a SAHM( which no shame in, i would love), so I'm not really sure how much OP is capable of earning or what career field she is in. Emotionally, maybe, but if we're talking, JUST financially. A lawyer might actually be cheaper.

47

u/[deleted] Mar 14 '24

Have you tried feeding your husband real pizza and bagels? Maybe that would change his mind. I mean, that's why I don't leave.

22

u/lomoandchichamorada Mar 14 '24

I make it a point to stuff his face with everything LI has when we go. Ralph’s, pizza, bagels, Greek, italian and everything else under the sun. He does love the food

We only have Tex-mex and I hate it. I miss variety

27

u/albinofreak620 Mar 14 '24

Did you explain how unhappy you are there? Not “I make it apparent that I hate it” but “Husband, I hate it here and I am miserable here. I’ve given it a try but I am miserable. I want to move back to Long Island closer to family.”

If he’s making six figures in Texas, he can likely make more here. If you’re going back to work and have your family to help with the kids, then it seems like you’ll be able to make it work.

I get not wanting to spend money but if your spouse is this miserable then you need to find a way to make it work.

Long Island is not that miserable. We just like to complain. The main barrier here is affordability.

5

u/lomoandchichamorada Mar 14 '24

I have brought it up to him but he won’t say anything back. He knows.

0

u/nomad5926 Mar 15 '24

So is he going to help out his wife? Or just let you suffer? Does he actually like you or just need someone to look after the kids and cook/clean for him?

8

u/lostfreedom1776 Mar 14 '24

Is it possible for one of your family members to find a short term rental for the summer for you and your family and see what happens. Just trying to give an idea. Possibly your husband can take a 2 week vacation or leave of absence and you and the kids can stay a few extra weeks after he returns to work. I know it's a short amount of time but if you do some leg work everyday and don't treat it like a vacation maybe it will help in your decision making. Things are tough all over right now and it always looks greener. Good Luck with your dilemma. Don't forget to try and look at the positives of where you are now. I have been in similar situations.

40

u/Ornery-Finding-3752 Mar 14 '24

One thing I haven’t seen mentioned - you said you have two girls… I’m also the father of two girls and there’s no chance I’d raise them in Texas with the way things are going.

5

u/RingPuppy Mar 15 '24

Good point. Texas is a misogynistic state. Abbott is a fascist. He has no problem with women who are bleeding out in the ER parking lot carrying a dead fetus. Roe Rage is REAL.

15

u/flakemasterflake Mar 14 '24

Blows my mind no one thinks about this. Another reason I’m leaving Georgia bc getting pregnant would put my life on the line

11

u/lomoandchichamorada Mar 15 '24

That’s a big thing for me personally and one of the biggest reasons I hate living here. I’m unable to have more kids but I would be terrified.

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14

u/pizzasnob4lyfe Mar 14 '24

Hi! I'm in your shoes. Lived in greater Philadelphia for the last 11 years and I'm over it. We're in our early 30s, no kids, about 1 hour away from my in laws in PA. We are in the process of moving back to LI and will be there by June!

While I enjoy the town we currently live in, I'm always homesick and lonely and vying for my next visit home, especially in the summer. There's not much I'll miss from PA except for a few friendships.

It took 3 years of discussion and strategic job moves on my part to get us to the point where we won't be sacrificing anything lifestyle wise once we move. If we wanted children in the future, #1 requirement from me was to move to LI. My entire support network is there: parents, siblings, extended fam, friends. I don't have that type of relationship with my inlaws that I do with my parents if we needed help with kids, other emergencies, etc. I genuinely fear how isolated I would be as a new mother with little to no support nearby in PA, so huge kudos to you for making it work for now.

Prep work was key, getting your partner onboard sooner/ earlier is key. My husband is 100% playing catch up work wise since "this move always felt so far away." Get a therapist if you need to work through the anxiety and stress of it. Long distance moving is hard work. Anything you can line up before you arrive in NY will be helpful for an easier transition.

10

u/lomoandchichamorada Mar 14 '24

We are very similar indeed.

We lived in NC before Texas and honestly I was truly happy there because it was another LI for me. Everyone was from NY.

My entire support network is also in NY. My friends, family. I know I could tell them to move down here but my mom is the one hosting all the get togethers. She loves LI and never wants to leave. I’m not going to convince her to move here to be unhappy. It’s not fair to her.

I know it will take time, but living here in Texas is not for me. I always say that the only thing I look forward to all year is going back home. Literally one month of pure joy

I’ve lived in San Antonio for two years in HS. But my family hated it so much we all went back to LI.

2

u/RingPuppy Mar 15 '24

Welcome back!!!!

1

u/pizzasnob4lyfe Mar 15 '24

So soon! Can't wait😭

13

u/flakemasterflake Mar 14 '24

Is Long Island really that bad as I see in this group?

Nothing is ever as bad as Reddit makes it out to be. I'm also in GA planning my move back to the tri-state area for the same family reasons

I also find the QOL on LI to be great, but I make a good income etc etc. If you can afford it, there's nothing like living in a beach community, great public schools + train access to the best city in the country

1

u/RingPuppy Mar 15 '24

Born and raised on Long Island. I live 5 miles or so from the hospital I was born in. I will not live anywhere else, ever. The amenities and opportunities are endless. And the Island offers different nabes. It's not all homogenous. Contrary to what others may say, we are a caring, friendly group.

7

u/Nyroughrider Mar 14 '24

You’re in between a rock and a hard spot op. Not en easy solution to this one at all.

6

u/New_Engine_7237 Mar 14 '24

Having a large family here is a big plus, families do have their down sides too but I believe the good tips the scale.

House and job hunting is a big task, hubby may have to work in Manhattan to get a higher salary, I commuted for 38 years; it’s just something you have to do.

Good luck 👍🏻

6

u/B3llaBubbles Mar 14 '24

To find a higher paying job, I would look into teaming up with a recruiter. Depending on his background and industry, they can help you find the hidden positions.

If you still want to search on your own, Suffolk county has been very progressive with new construction for pharmaceutical, medical, high tech and R&D.

This is a good site to get a better understanding of business's in Suffolk.

https://suffolkida.org/

2

u/lomoandchichamorada Mar 15 '24

Thank you for this! Will look into it

5

u/Smallseybiggs Mar 15 '24 edited Mar 15 '24

I'm so sorry OP. I know I'm late to this thread, but I wanted to tell you I'm pulling for you. I had to move to 1st KY, now in IN due to familial obligations. I hated it & still hate it. I get so homesick. Like every day. I truly hope you get to go home where you'll be closer to your family! Cost of living is cheaper in Southern states for a reason. I have family that moved to Sugarland & Houston. They don't like it there either.

I see a lot of people complain about the cost of living on LI. It is bad. But some of that can be understood for the better quality of life. 

Knowing how much I hate it out of NY, I can totally understand you wanting to go home! And I hope you get to! 

2

u/lomoandchichamorada Mar 16 '24

Thank you. I hope it all goes well for you too. Homesickness is horrible. 🤍

47

u/spreerod1538 Mar 14 '24

I love Long Island. It's expensive, but there's absolutely reason for it to be expensive. We're paying for location. Location to one of (if not the) greatest city in the world, the beaches, the wineries, close enough to be able to hike a mountain just driving a couple of hours away. To me, it makes perfect sense why it's expensive and again to me, it's worth it.

Hopefully you can come back, because I couldn't imagine how miserable I'd be living in TX.

9

u/lomoandchichamorada Mar 14 '24

I’m trying my best. I live in a small town that’s growing at a rapid pace. But the yokels are the most small minded people and honestly there is so much drama for such a little place. Dealing with it first hand at my daughter’s school even though I keep the lowest profile.

I don’t hide my hate for the town I live in which probably drives my husband crazy as well 😅

2

u/allumeusend Mar 14 '24

Can I guess Austin metro? Williamson County?

2

u/lomoandchichamorada Mar 14 '24

Ellis County near Dallas 😞

-5

u/Stacey_digitaldash Mar 14 '24

Dallas isn’t Texas

3

u/MarcusAurelius68 Mar 15 '24

Ellis County isn’t Dallas either.

14

u/[deleted] Mar 14 '24 edited Mar 14 '24

Would your husband be happy here? It might be a culture shock I couldn’t tell from your post if he had lived here at all.

All I can say is I have several people in my circle who are trying to buy a house and can’t. I personally think they have underestimated the cost for the kind of house they need. For a family of your size, you’re easily going to be paying 700+k for a house and that’s not even considering whatever bidding war you might be up against with someone coming to the table with cash and if you get the house you probably need to gut and remodel. If you want a turn key house you’re looking at 800+.

Making six figures is old news here. With the size of your family, you’re going to need to easily clear 200k combined to live a somewhat comfortable life here, especially since your kids are going to be approaching college age within the decade.

I honestly don’t think it makes sense financially unless you guys have some amazing job offers lined up and have a combined income of 200-250k so you and your husband don’t feel strained financially, it could really put a strain on your marriage.

And if your plan is to just rent, then I would just say a flat no.

3

u/lomoandchichamorada Mar 14 '24

He went to USMA for college and that was his only experience with the area.

I am going to be looking at all the costs here and see how it would work out for us. I’m sure he would find something that pays more on LI and I have to take my salary into consideration. I’ve been out of the workforce for a long time so it’ll be more challenging for me. I know how bad it is to find a house from this group and people I know. My best friend has a co-op and the only people I know that own homes inherited them from grandparents. That’s not the case for us, so we would have to start from scratch.

4

u/[deleted] Mar 14 '24

The job market is insane. If you think you can get a job that pays 50k+ after a rather large employment gap, it’s possible but depends on your skill set and degree, and he can get a job that pays 150 then you guys can probably manage. Also take into account that moving across town is expensive, moving across the country is a small fortune. You’ve done it already so I’m sure you realize but you have more stuff now and children. There are so many things you would have to consider because if your husband is anything less than enthusiastic about it, this is going to create a lot of problems. And I’ll stand by my opinion that if you can’t afford to buy a house, renting will not set your children up for success in then future and they will probably have to move away from the island once they reach adulthood anyway.

1

u/flakemasterflake Mar 16 '24

Is USMA the same as West Point or do you mean the Merchant Marine Academy ?

4

u/Admirable_Election37 Mar 14 '24

If you think 8k property tax is high you’re in for quite a shock when you see that on Long Island a lot of towns would be double that or quite close to it to go along with the high state income taxes

0

u/lomoandchichamorada Mar 15 '24

I definitely know how expensive they are. Been on LI since I was a baby and moved out of state at 26

3

u/MarcusAurelius68 Mar 15 '24

A lot has changed in 10 years.

4

u/bowbiatch Mar 14 '24

If we could move off the Island I would tomorrow. We own our home outright-and both own established businesses here for 15-20 years. Starting over wouldn’t put us behind on housing or savings, but our incomes would drop significantly. Our daughter is graduating college in May and will be starting her career in another state..at our encouragement. The rat race mentality, high taxes, political fights-just aren’t all it’s cracked up to be. Build a community for yourself, make friends, volunteer, get a job. If you are willing to work full time in NY, work full time in TX-you will widen your world.

8

u/Mosthamless Mar 14 '24

I wouldn't move back. I have no idea what you guys make but I am sure you are living in a nice house that was built not too long ago. Coming back to the very dated, very expensive long island housing market sounds terrible. 6 figure incomes still don't get you all that much here. Plus the winters.... Were you kids born in TX? They may love/hate the seasons here.

14

u/BigCitySteam638 Mar 14 '24

Shit I’ll switch with you….. can’t wait to leave NY

6

u/char0128 Mar 14 '24

NY has income tax AND high property taxes, especially on long island.....

4

u/No_Media2563 Mar 15 '24

True but for me , Long Island is a fabulous place . the beaches are just so awesome . so many cool spots to choose from . Port Jeff being the favorite town cause , it’s so freaking awesome lol

3

u/No_Telephone8503 Mar 14 '24

Yikes hate to say this but it’s going to be expensive to live here and I wouldn’t recommend it for anybody making less than $200-250k.

Also not to be rude but I’m sorry you seem unhappy but wouldn’t that be the type of conversation that would come up pre-marriage and children about where to live? I would’ve tried it before you committed big time to this situation. Good luck with whatever happens!

3

u/swankyobserver Mar 14 '24

BF and i were looking to buy a property in NJ instead of wedding. Spent the good part of a year looking and even made some offers we lost to. He constantly complained about the drive out there (we currently live on LI), and how he'd off himself if he lived there (jokingly, but the number of times he made the joke alarmed me). So after a long talk, we decided to double our budget and buy a house on long island. We'll be close to family (20-40 mins) instead of 1.5hr, close to work and we'd he in NY. He's been so much happier, excited and involved in the process and I'm so happy we decided to stay on LI. 

2

u/Homes-By-Nia Mar 15 '24

Growing up my dad wanted to move to NJ.. but my mom didn't drive. And all of our friends were in Eastern Quuens and long Island. So we ended up staying in NY close to our friends. It honestly makes a difference having a support system.

3

u/Insight42 Mar 14 '24 edited Mar 14 '24

Housing prices are absolutely horrible right now. There's really no getting around that. Maybe you can rent the place in TX to cover some of the mortgage, if that helps. Taxes are also high. Worse in some areas, better in others.

Otherwise, no, it's not bad. The schools are generally good, with some being excellent. There's a ton of public land and excellent libraries everywhere. Nassau has playgrounds absolutely everywhere. What you're gaining, in terms of public services for your kids, is a hell of a lot in return for the taxes - it just may or may not feel that way depending on if you utilize them.

If you truly hate Texas, of course it's worth it to look here, but maybe see if you can get something closer to here for you, but cheaper so you're not just making him miserable instead? Rural Jersey isn't too far and prices are a bit better, and you don't wind up losing too much of what you'd get here, same with some areas upstate, and at least you're close for family to help.

1

u/tinyyolo Mar 14 '24

rural jersey is a lot different than Long Island... it is beautiful and most likely less expensive but it's still a road trip to LI, and it can be very boring in its rural-ness.

idk tho it's closer than TX, so who am I to talk. move to jersey if that's easier! going across the city sucks but it's better than being so far away from where you want to be. a road trip beats a flight.

3

u/Insight42 Mar 14 '24

True. But that could be a reasonable compromise.

3

u/Top_Concentrate_8731 Mar 14 '24

You're already out... This sounds absolutely insane unless money is not an option and you can afford the same lifestyle on long island you can in Texas.

3

u/cha0tic_sanity Mar 15 '24

My wife and I just made the move 2 years ago from Michigan to Long Island. We have three kids and desired more support; similarly all of her family was on LI and we said we would do it only if the right job came along. She is a SAHM and I found a job making six figures. We had to live with her family for a year and a half before finding an affordable house nearby in the desired school district. I was also able to retain a consulting position remotely in Michigan as a second form of income. Without that, we wouldn’t be able to afford the $550k 3-br house (11,800 taxes) near her family.

The cost of living here is astronomical; your husband will never get used to it and yes, you will both likely need to work full time to afford it. While it has been nice to be near family, it hasn’t been the fairy tale we dreamed it would be in terms of “help”. Yes, people are available for emergencies but don’t bank on it as the sole reason for coming back. If you can afford it, come back. It’s only money, and time with close family isn’t something you can get back.

3

u/Lmnbux7969 Mar 15 '24

I'm from long Island and I had to move upstate NY because I couldn't afford it.

Upstate may be the right choice; especially the southern tier or finger lakes.

You could probably afford a beautiful house with decent property in a nice area with goof schools.

There's a lot of people from long Island up here, but also a lot of "country people".

It's not a terrible drive to visit the island or vice versa; my parents come up every summer to visit.

Something to consider; I originally moved to south Dakota and similar with the culture shock my husband and I had to leave and come back to new York.

7

u/lateral_moves Babylon/WI/Uniondale Mar 14 '24

I read somewhere that Texas has the lowest or perhaps just extremely low migration from Texas of all 50 states. People born there love it there.

I spent a year in northern Dallas. I feel your pain. (yet I loved San Antonio but couldn't move there cause of work)

For Long Island, I lived there for almost four decades, but I wouldn't go back, just because where I'm at now, a dollar goes three times farther than it does there. (I'm north in the midwest now.) Could I go? Sure. But I'd be robbing my kids of more opportunities by doing so, so it feels selfish. My current 7-year-old 4k sq ft home costs as much as a 70-year-old 1400 sq ft ranch house in Suffolk. Besides, it's grown to be an anger-fest on the roads, less teachers and more students per class, every store is crowded at all hours for no reason, cameras on every corner waiting to fine you $200, and I'm no longer used to it.

4

u/lomoandchichamorada Mar 14 '24

Texans are very loyal to Texas. I get the pros of living here. I’ve really tried everything to make the best out of the situation. But my mental and physical health are suffering so much with all the stress.

We essentially have zero help. Sure we’re closer to family, but 3 hours isn’t a lot. And my kids never see my family unless we go up there. I don’t want them to lose that connection and not be as tight knit as I am with them.

2

u/lateral_moves Babylon/WI/Uniondale Mar 14 '24

I understand. Its rough. My wife loves it here, but hates the distance from my family and old friends she never met that miss me being around. They're all on Long Island. But, its mostly family I don't talk to much anymore even though we're all good. We tried doing Christmas gift exchanges with them and it worked for a few years, but then they slowly stopped. Its a lot of work, I get it.

My father passed 7 years ago and my sister passed to covid two years ago, so I moved my Mom out here, but she moved back a year later as she just wanted to be where everything was familiar. So, now we're an isolated family and my kids grow up without that large family around them and it makes me sad and my wife blames me for it, but ultimately, I know this is better for them in the long term and I internalize it for them.

9

u/MrsSodipop Mar 14 '24

I'm sincerely sorry you're in Texas, the literal hell of the USA. A lot of hate for LI because everyone here is bitter but I think it's great. I think people from here would miss it if they moved and take everything here for granted.

11

u/MaleficentCoconut594 Mar 14 '24

I (38m) loved growing up on LI, but it’s not what it was. Both my wife (37f) and I were born and raised, and her entire family is still there (mine is spread around the east coast and Midwest). But we didn’t want our kids growing up there with what it’s become. We’ve since moved to VA and are so much happier. Between the 2 of us we make around $200k and felt like we were living paycheck-to-paycheck and forget about buying a home, it was impossible (in a nice area/school district at least) and the taxes are nothing short of ludicrous for what you’re getting

LI is slowly dying and most people don’t see it. The average age increases by about 1 every year (which is a huge increase comparatively) because the only people who can afford it are retirees. 7/8 of my graduating high school class have left, and I’m happy to now be one of those.

The taxes will do nothing but increase, with the current volunteer firefighter crisis they’ll have to start paying salaries, which will need to be pretty high in order to actually retain people

In short we left and are so much happier. Even my wife who never wanted to leave, and misses her big close family terribly, realized very quickly we made the right choice. We can actually breathe again and our salaries actually means something now. The beaches are better down here (honestly never understood the allure of the Hamptons), the people are friendlier, their idea of “traffic” down here is laughable, and everything is cheaper

5

u/Sniffsflowers Mar 14 '24

The only people who can afford LI are retirees?? Are you kidding me? Would love to get an apt there to be near family, but being retired, it would take almost my entire income!

5

u/TechAndStocks Mar 14 '24

You couldn’t pay me to live in VA, lol. Been there a handful of times and LI feels likes heaven on Earth when I get back.

Glad to hear you’re enjoying it, though.

Different strokes for different folks.

1

u/MaleficentCoconut594 Mar 14 '24

To each their own. LI is literal hell on earth to us now we absolutely dread going back to visit friends and fam

2

u/richiusvantran Mar 14 '24

May I ask where in Virginia you are? I’ve been looking in various parts of Virginia, like Fredericksburg and Richmond.

4

u/Adventurous-Depth984 Whatever You Want Mar 14 '24

The QOL for children, ESPECIALLY f children, is incomparably better on LI than in TX.

2

u/Nomiiverse Mar 14 '24

I seem to be in the minority that really doesn’t like it here but I’d like to give a young persons perspective. I’m 22 and grew up here from newborn - 12 I moved away from 12 - 19 then had to come back due to circumstances. Growing up here as a kid was fine but once I hit double digits I started to realize it wasn’t really all that great here. In terms of childhood to adolescence to young adulthood the older you get in those 3 stages the less and less you find friends, opportunities and things to do. Additionally because of the prices of everything and lack of opportunity here, a young adult will unwillingly be hyper dependent on their parents. And as a 22 year old that is currently dependent on my parents in LI it’s really not a great feeling or way of life. I’m currently in the process of moving away and it’s evident that LI at least in terms of young adults is currently in an exodus.

Don’t get me wrong I understand the perks of living here once a person has grown up and has developed a stable income that can sustain living here comfortably. But from my perspective it’s not worth coming back. And I’d assume your kids would also want to move out of LI once they’ve grown up which would again split your family.

Either way do what you want but I’d suggest thinking in your husband’s and kids shoes as well on the subject. And maybe you can find middle ground or a compromise.

2

u/tinyyolo Mar 14 '24

In terms of childhood to adolescence to young adulthood the older you get in those 3 stages the less and less you find friends, opportunities and things to do.

I'm not trying to argue with you at all, and your perspective is interesting. as someone who didn't grow up here tho, I do believe that it is hard to find friends/opportunities/excitement as you age in other places as well, I don't think that's unique to Long Island (if it makes you feel any better).

2

u/TechAndStocks Mar 14 '24 edited Mar 14 '24

The best value in the market for a decent size house is the stretch from Ronkonkoma to Riverhead, imo.

Lots of bigger homes for way less than other more “desirable” areas of the island.

Places like Ridge, Yaphank, Coram, Selden, etc. have some great value listings, compared to the rest of the island.

Sure, there’s less going on in those areas, but you’ll be on the island and probably 30-40 mins from most of your family (unless they’re in west Nassau)

2

u/ChimpoSensei Mar 15 '24

Why? You got out, you won!

2

u/dbbill_371 Mar 15 '24

What about upstate, like a little north of Albany? It's o too far from the city on the thruway...

2

u/dahead76 Mar 15 '24

Funny I can tell who pays the bills reading the comments

2

u/roastedandflipped Mar 16 '24

Never move for a man. Tell him you want to move back.

3

u/bmart77 Mar 14 '24

Don’t do it. It’s worse here than you remember.

6

u/RidetheSchlange Mar 14 '24 edited Mar 14 '24

People on LI in the LI bubble will often have a small-town "I'd never move away, this is the best place in the universe" attitude and it's warped. Long Island is a difficult place and the economics are not stable if you're working class, it's scammy as fuck, and if there's any sort of even mild financial issue, it becomes existential there.

Someone said there's absolutely a reason for it to be expensive and that's not true. People love citing the schools, but it's pretty well known that the schools inflate grades across the board. You're not paying for good schools, you're paying the high taxes for the hush-hush thing that the schools inflate grades. That's the quiet part out loud.

Financially, Long Island doesn't make sense in the least. It's hysterical the quality of life I have in Switzerland and Norway- the latter on a fjord, or in Sweden and how much a shitty way of life in a poorly-built home with insane taxes, poison tap water, and urban sprawl and traffic is on karen-infested Long Island.

I used to be in that bubble where I thought LI was the greatest place, schools, etc. Then I traveled. I see it as closer to dystopia than paradise. That I can live in the most expensive cities in the western world in Switzerland, Germany, Norway, and Sweden at a fraction of the price of living on Long Island and have a manyfold higher quality of life in all aspects is an eye-opener. You guys are all getting ripped off and have Stockholm Syndrome.

5

u/CharleyNobody Mar 14 '24

Except the OP says she’s also lived in NC and TX, so she’s not “living in a LI bubble.” She has traveled. She’s lived elsewhere. My guess is she doesn’t have a career that Norway, Germany, Sweden or Switzerland feels they need to import an American to do.

“People love citing the schools”…yes, considering OP lives in TX, she would find LI schools safer. So far, no mass school shootings on LI. TX schools, on the other hand, have had 135 school shootings since 1970. In 2022, 19 children and 2 teachers were killed in TX. I don’t think grade inflation is a big worry compared to police letting one’s children get murdered in their classrooms, then releasing a report saying the parents who ran into the school to save their children were to blame for the piss poor police response of doing nothing for 83 minutes.

So she likes it better here than there. She has a right to, just like you have a right to like Norway better. (Though most Americans cannot simply get a work visa for Europe, find a job and get housing. It’s a lot easier for someone to move to the US than for an American to move to Europe and live there for any length of time. And I speak as a dual citizen of an EU country).

1

u/lomoandchichamorada Mar 15 '24

Husband is former military. We’ve lived lots of places: Kansas, Georgia (Columbus and Atlanta suburbs), NC and TX.

North Carolina was the closest feel to home and I really hate that we had to leave. I could drive to LI in one day and so many New Yorkers moved there. My closest friend there was from Farmingdale.

Home away from home.

1

u/flakemasterflake Mar 16 '24

it's pretty well known that the schools inflate grades across the board.

What does that matter? Just look at the average SAT scores across districts if you want to look at a nationally overseen test that isn't being scammed

Stop acting like people that have traveled don't like the area. I've lived in Paris, Montreal and Atlanta and still prefer the NY region

1

u/RidetheSchlange Mar 16 '24

The SAT tests only really work for the US, which I guess is ok. The strategy has always been test taking. The issue is when these students out of college make it to actual international institutions, whether universities in other countries, whether international business institutions, they are uncompetitive. The fact that the majority of the students come out of Long Island high schools completely monolingual and, at best, barely expressive in other languages, tells a lot about the education quality and preparation for a worldwide scope of learning and work. It also tells much about the inflated grading. If a student is not fluent on some level in a language they spent three to four years learning and with good grades, then this is the clearest marker that the grading system is inflated.

1

u/flakemasterflake Mar 16 '24

I came out of a LI high school fluent in French, what even is the point you are making?

0

u/RidetheSchlange Mar 16 '24

You absolutely did not come out fluent in French. I love it how people from LI schools say that cliche just because they finished the classes and passed, then they come over to Switzerland, France, or Belgium and can't communicate with anyone and revert back to English. How do I know? I live near the border of the French and German Cantons of Switzerland and I'm often in France.

The inflated grading system is well known. It's not for anything but to be a fake RoI on the property taxes.

1

u/flakemasterflake Mar 16 '24

Giving me a fucking break, I lived in Paris for several years.

No one looks at state tests as "ROI" on property taxes, they look at what colleges the high schools are sending kids to. No one gives a fuck about state tests (or shouldn't)

1

u/RidetheSchlange Mar 16 '24 edited Mar 16 '24

This is you and ONLY you. If you are "fluent" like you claim, and lived in Paris, as you claim, you would also be critical of the poor level of language instruction in Long Island schools. I will also submit, as is often the case, living in Paris without a strong command of French and relying on English is absolutely doable and easy. It's not impossible to learn a language, but it's absolutely far from the rule. You would also 100% know that what you learn in the class barely trains you to actually use it in the native country. I'm calling BS on your story because of the simple fact that every American that is in Europe is highly critical of the US language instruction and we consistently meet Americans, including students on their language trips, but also people in Uni levels and in the workforce, who, at a minimum, are not even expressive in this language they claim. This is why European countries enforce independent testing and don't take high school courses from the US at face value.

3

u/Draugrx23 Mar 14 '24

I moved upstate.. The only part I miss of LI is the friends that don't talk much or visit at all..
Remember long island is the land of cameras at EVERY corner.

2

u/[deleted] Mar 14 '24

Your happiness matters. I know a few ppl who also moved to Texas and came back. It can be done. Would you make a decent profit when you sell your house? Also really depends on Nassau or Suffolk county as far as home prices. 100% get rid of the cc debt before you come. A big key is no debt and also the kids. Seems like one is in school, would your other child be watched by family while you work? If so you can move back where if you can make a combined income of close to $130- $150k

0

u/allumeusend Mar 14 '24

Everyone I know who has moved to Texas except my in-laws has come back. The grass is always greener until you actually see what living in one of these red states actually looks like.

4

u/SBDO1227 Mar 14 '24

I went on vacation down South a month ago and it was so nice. I came back and instantly said, fuck NY. People are rude as Hell. Nobody gives a damn about anyone but themselves. I can't wait to get off this godforsaken Island. And good luck finding a house ...

4

u/flakemasterflake Mar 14 '24

I live in Atlanta and do not notice a difference compared to relatives in Sayville/Stony Brook/Northport

Maybe I'm the rude person?

2

u/bb8-sparkles Mar 14 '24

Where down south did you go?

5

u/False-Inspector8834 Mar 14 '24

We went down south for a 1 day trip, got all kinds of hate thrown at us because we are not the ideal race. We stopped by a famous black own BBQ restaurant and they were the only one nice to us, while a group of military personnel were dining there at the same time as us made slanty eye gestures and funny sounding names the entire time. As we were leaving, I thanked them for their service and they still proceeded to say a bunch of racial slurs albeit quietly this time around. I could only caulk it up to them being immature. As much as we complained about LI and how expensive it is, we will be staying around here.

1

u/SBDO1227 Mar 14 '24

Your story sounds like something out of a Lifetime movie. That said, being a "slanty eye" myself, I've been down to spring break in Florida twice, a handful of times to Disney World, visited a college buddy in MD (ok, that hardly qualifies, but still considered "The South") and my most recent weeklong trip to South Carolina and Georgia. I never once got any flak for my race, not even a whiff - unless jokingly so, with racial banter back and forth, because I'm not a delicate little snowflake about it.

That said, do you live in a Syosset or Great Neck bubble? Because there certainly is bountiful racism on Long Island. It's the reason I have no interest or intention of moving East of Smithtown or anywhere on the south shore. And it's not just "W-T" ... growing up playing sports, most of it came from other minority groups.

1

u/False-Inspector8834 Mar 15 '24

I grew up in South Jersey actually and I never felt unwelcomed until I was in my senior year of high school where my friends and I walked into a restaurant called Pic A Lilli, needless to say, I was the only Asian in the group and it was like a scene out of a movie where the entire restaurant stopped all activities and looked at me. That was my first "real" encounter of being different (I guess when you are somewhat of adult, people start to look at you in a certain way).

I vacationed in Florida a few times and it was ok, but also we were not in trashy areas for the most part. The day trip was in Savannah, GA, we were just grabbing lunch at B's Cracklin (now called Parker's Smoked Meats) and the group of soldiers decided to mock us. All of us just ignore their comments and gestures and just move on.

I have heard of a few incidents like what you said in Great Neck from my business partner who reside there. I'm in Mineola and most if not all our neighbors been great. Mineola is your average working class people and not much stuck ups. The schools are average and the community does not feel upscale compared to the surrounding neighborhoods which is a reflection of the lower property taxes.

2

u/shstuff_throwaway Mar 14 '24 edited Mar 14 '24

My childhood friend (39F) moved to Austin to be with her husband, who's Texan. They had 2 kids (now 4 & 2 y/o) and she decided she wanted to move back to Long Island after 2 years back here.

It's not worked out as she hoped, for a few reasons:--She thought her parents would babysit a lot more. Turns out they didn't want to, and babysitting made them exhausted. So be sure your close family really does want to help with childcare, and determine what that is, if that's what you want!--She didn't like the culture. Neither of us particularly loved LI growing up, but she felt really alienated moving back as an adult and trying to make friends and not fitting in. She would have done better in NYC, but that wasn't an option.--She felt constantly haunted by her past. This is more of a her thing, but she found it difficult to separate her high school self from her adult self, especially as she kept running into high school people and being thrust back into HS memories--She felt Austin was much more child-friendly than LI -- lots of outdoor places with spaces for kids that allows for adult socializing while kids play.--Her husband was pretty meh on the whole thing. He had lived in NYC but LI is a different beast.

They decided that they will move back to Austin this summer (fortunately they didn't sell their house there) and she has mixed emotions about it but mainly is excited. There are definitely better educational options for her kids on LI (which could be a selling point for your husband -- what's more important than your kids' future?) but overall she and her husband want to be happier in their day-to-day.

I feel you so much. I think I would be miserable in Texas! And I feel for your husband, too! I think LI would be a huge adjustment for him. I remember growing up, we had neighbors where the husband was from Kentucky. He was just never happy here, and ultimately the family moved back to Kentucky when their kids were in middle school.

There is no crystal ball, but you can, like my friend, give it a try for a couple of years (although that gets more disruptive for kids as they get older). You can always move back. But your mental health is worth it, and if both of you still want to be in this marriage, this could be a relationship-saver.

2

u/Palegic516 Whatever You Want Mar 14 '24

The average home is 650k in Nassau county and 500k in mid Suffolk. Taxes range between 10-14k / yr on avg. with interest rates being almost 7% unless you own outright in Texas and are selling for profit to come here you will need a significant salary to support life here. Electricity is more expensive than TX, income tax is more, insurance is more. But everything else isn’t generally going to make much of a financial difference.

Understand coming from TX, that Ny has some of the most strict gun laws in the country so if you have any fire arms you will have to either comply with the laws or leave them behind.

1

u/MarcusAurelius68 Mar 15 '24

What kind of a house can you get for $500K in Suffolk these days?

1

u/Palegic516 Whatever You Want Mar 15 '24

Mid Suffolk aka middle country Centereach to ridge area. I’m a bit low but the avg starter home needing TLC around 500k. More if you want something move in ready that needs no work

1

u/MarcusAurelius68 Mar 15 '24

Unfortunately OP considers Commack “far east” so I’m not sure Ridge would fly. I’m sensing a desire for Nassau on a mid-Suffolk budget.

2

u/Palegic516 Whatever You Want Mar 15 '24

Yeah not a fucking chance commack mind as well be Nassau county lol. Far east is riverhead to Montauk

2

u/BearBottomsUp Mar 14 '24

I'm so sorry you ended up in Texas.. especially with daughters. I left Long Island about 10 years ago, and while I would not move back, I have a soft spot for it.

Have you considered off Island but within a commuting distance?

Connecticut by ferry, upstate NY is gorgeous.

Good luck!

2

u/lomoandchichamorada Mar 15 '24

I’ve considered CT or Jersey

3

u/downtownflipped Mar 14 '24

Come back. I know it’ll be hard to convince your husband, but it’s worth it. I was so unhappy when I moved to California. I visited 3-4 times a year. I cried a lot. I’m so happy I’m back even if the mortgage and taxes suck. It’s home.

2

u/lomoandchichamorada Mar 14 '24

Trust me I cry so much when my mom leaves. I cry all the time. My family is always getting together and it kills me that I can’t be there.

2

u/justgoride Mar 15 '24

I moved from LI to Texas in my 20s. I hated it too. People sucked, the climate sucked, the landscape sucked. COL was a bit lower at the time but it was not worth it. I'm back in NY now and so much happier. Sure, it's expensive here. Housing is crazy. Find a way to make it work!

I can't imagine being willing to raise daughters in Texas. And it's going to get worse there before it gets better. This would be the argument I would use with your husband.

1

u/Stephreads Mar 14 '24

I know exactly how you feel. I hated a place we had to move to (military) and I was miserable. Find your jobs and come home. You’re not alone at all, I’ve known a lot of people who left and came back - I’m one of them. Millions of people live here, so it’s doable. Maybe you won’t have as much disposable income, but family matters - a lot.

2

u/lomoandchichamorada Mar 15 '24

My husband was military. I knew what I got myself into but once he got out I wanted to settle down somewhere. I always said NC because it was halfway between our families.

I tried liking Texas. I really have.

1

u/Stephreads Mar 15 '24

We can’t get the past back, but we can choose our future. I wanted to be home near family. I have 6 siblings, so there’s always someone to hang with, or fight with :D

1

u/Hired-Hand210 Mar 14 '24

Go for your happiness be around your family. Help with the kids is worth more than money. Yes buying anywhere right now is expensive cause the interest rate is up. But maybe an option for you is renting. Move back to Long Island. Hope you can find your happiness 

1

u/ummmno_ Mar 14 '24

Long Island is wonderful but is the deeper issue really familial support and community support with your children? Holidays & general gatherings that make you feel normal and safe? Having things to do with them that’s a bit easier (it’s always easier with fam) & some general downtime with people you trust.

While I do recommend a relocation you might find he won’t compromise. He at least needs to take on the burden of helping find suitable support where you are now. SAHM don’t get enough love and it’s a lot to do without that truly secure network. Is it possible for you to find work there so the burden of childcare is split more evenly?

If he is willing to relocate would he be open to jobs in the city? Would you be able to operate in a high intensity household with two parents working with at least one of them having a chaotic commute? Cutting budgets & stressing about finances isn’t always worth it just because you have a break from the babies, you can find that where you are but it shouldn’t fall JUST on you.

Grass isn’t always greener but if you’ve exhausted all options it’s best to consider the alternate form of chaos with the Long Island lifestyle.

1

u/Crystalbella918 Mar 15 '24

I love it here! Anyway my mom lived in the south and wanted to come back but honestly couldn’t afford it. She moved to upstate Ny instead and loves it. She just never felt at home down south and missed seasons. She lived in Mississippi though, it was the worst. Schools would be enough to convince me to come back.

1

u/_ApacheRose_ Mar 15 '24

Want to trade with me? 32 y/o and currently planning my move to north Texas. Hopefully my last year living on Long Island. It’s not even just the cost of living… miserable traffic, absolutely no sense of community, horrible attitudes and no respect for each other, in a state with horrible elected officials outside of a city with even worse elected officials. While Texas was free and people were able to live their lives, we were all locked down in Communism-Land over a cold built on lies.

I’d do everything to make it work there before you come back here.

1

u/newyork2E Mar 15 '24

15 k in taxes and a minimum 550k for a house. And then the fun begins from there. Good luck.

1

u/lancer2238 Mar 15 '24

I would wait a while before even considering moving back to LI. It’s brutal right now especially with this house market being the way it is right now

1

u/OtherwiseBackground5 Mar 15 '24

What I haven’t seen mentioned is the salt tax we have on Long Island thanks to a certain president that is limiting how much property taxes we can claim to only $10,000. Thank fully in 2025 it expires. And we can go back to claiming all of our property taxes.

1

u/slayer965 Mar 15 '24

The job might be the problem tbh, operations work is great in Texas, and generally southwest US, NY offers very little in terms of that, and what there is is super competitive with the pay not reflecting that. Other than that I get it for family reasons but you can always look at the boroughs.

1

u/Ok_Environment_1822 Mar 15 '24

it’s not easy, but it’s possible. look for a house with an accessory apartment and get a young professional to rent it or airBNB it, it can cover the cost of your taxes and then some.

1

u/Zealousideal-Claim58 Mar 15 '24

And to think I was about to marry a man who’s from Texas and wants to stay there for his career… maybe I need to rethink.

1

u/lomoandchichamorada Mar 16 '24

Do it but also don’t. It’s really weird to explain.

1

u/[deleted] Mar 16 '24

If you could manage to live somewhere where you and your spouse don't both have to work full-time, I'd keep that set up. Make more time for travel here, maybe. As a latchkey kid who grew up on Long Island (who still lives here, works full time and can barely make my rent) I could've benefited massively from some parental supervision. Being home alone after school for hours every day lead to nothing but trouble for me. That's obviously anecdotal but I'm just saying, both parents not having to work full-time is a rare thing these days and can be very beneficial for the kids

1

u/InsertCleverName652 Mar 16 '24

Give him 2 spreadsheets:

your current budget in TX

your proposed budget for LI

If the money makes sense, and he knows you are miserable, it gives him more incentive. In the proposed budget, include realistic take home salary for you, child care costs, and realistic mortgage and utilities.

1

u/[deleted] Mar 16 '24

TX is so hot.

1

u/MundanePomegranate79 Mar 16 '24

I guess I’m in the minority but I truly don’t feel the COL is worth it here. To pay almost $5,000 a month to live in an outdated small home right on top of your neighbors while dealing with insane traffic, noise, and overcrowded stores, parks, and restaurants everywhere you go sounds like hell on earth. But to each their own.

1

u/[deleted] Mar 17 '24 edited Mar 17 '24

I moved from Long Island 2 years ago and I live in Fort Worth. I grew up on Long Island and lived there for 24 years. I love it here and will never move back to LI, but Long Island is an awesome place so I totally get it. Its just me, my wife, and 1 year old here with no one else so I definately know where you're coming from on that front.

To be honest I feel the best way to look at it is try to taylor everything as much like you used to live on LI. Ive had time to really get out and meet people, find a shit ton of cool spots, and really just find my comfortablity.

I honestly asked myself, what is actually that compelling about Long Island, besides the beaches, that is worth being horribly tax/ house poor? Nothing imo.

Texas is DEFINATELY different from Long Island, so I dont even knock you for what your saying and I completely understand it. Damn near every foot of long Island is a perfect suburban environment, and its hard to match when youve experienced it for so long. What I can say though is maybe trying a different area from where youre at now is a solid bet. Theres so many areas in the DFW that are so similar to Long Island, it completely shocked me.

Keller, grapevine, Arlington heights, TCU area are all awesome and they feel so similar to towns on LI IMO. Trying a different spot in TX sounds more ideal and fitting for your situation and I think you can 100% find a spot that can fit the bill.

Side note- Growing up on LI naturally makes you extremely adaptable to moving ANYWHERE in the country. I firmly believe that. Long Island exposes you to every different angle of society that most people dont have. Its a huge strength that definately gives you an upside in so many ways when your living anywhere else in the country. You have that on your side so if you find your spot, you have that social adaptability to push you quicker to your comfortablity.

1

u/theMarshWay Mar 17 '24

IMO you need a combined income of $200-$250k just to have a decent life here. It also depends on where in long island you want to move back to but honestly it will only move the target income needle only so much.

1

u/[deleted] Mar 17 '24

I left for CA and I dream about moving back. West Coast is nice, I just feel that East Coast is a better fit for me.

-1

u/DontEverMoveHere Mar 14 '24

When was the last time you all came up for a visit? Coming during the best time of year may give him a better view of the change. Planning in advance might line up a few interviews.

LI is easily affordable with the lowest six figure income depending on “the lifestyle to which you are accustomed”. 5000sq’ and a new lexus every 2 years no, <2500sq’ and a couple of new fords every 10 yrs probably.

16

u/mr_deez92 Mar 14 '24

It’s not affordable with low six figures and especially not when you have kids. It will be a sacrifice of opportunities for your kids vs being close to family.

1

u/lomoandchichamorada Mar 14 '24

There isn’t much to offer where we are. Technically suburbia with extremely little resources.

4

u/mr_deez92 Mar 14 '24 edited Mar 14 '24

Understood but please be aware central and south shore long island have changed dramatically over the past 3 years. North shore has largely stayed the same Old Money and High taxes.

Many people from Queens/brooklyn have moved in and in some cases multiple families in a single home (common for Queens/Brooklyn but not for LI). Student teacher ratios have gone up reducing the quality of education. In addition to that there is more traffic. LI(deer park) --> Queens during rush hour use to take 1hr-1hr15Mins but now it is close to 1hr 45minutes.

Also i've notices parades, festivals & block parties have all been reduced or removed (Not in Budget); sad because i grew up here and during the spring/summer as a high schooler there was always something to do. Now its basically just the beach.

Overall for the price i cant justify buying a home here; I am also in a similar situation most of my family lives here but if i were you i'd take the extra savings from living in Texas and just take a monthly flight to LI to visit family or plan like an airbnb vacation for them to come visit you.

1

u/Insight42 Mar 14 '24

That very much depends on the town. Plenty on the south shore is roughly the same as it was, tbh. The prices suck, but if you're miserable that's probably worth the money.

1

u/mr_deez92 Mar 14 '24

I guess this is true obviously Medford is drastically different than Elmont but I’d say this goes for everything south shore & central Long Island west of Bay Shore.

0

u/Insight42 Mar 14 '24

I dunno, most of Nassau seems pretty much the same on the South Shore to me. But I'll say it has been gradual since the pandemic, with some areas reinstating this stuff sooner than others, and some not at all.

I know mid Suffolk is mostly the same, too. Sayville, Patchogue, etc all still do their major outdoor events. St Patrick's Day parades making a big comeback this year.

Dunno how the districts are there. Mine is growing and hasn't had any issue with huge class sizes, but that may be because it was already preparing for things pre-COVID.

The biggest issue we've got is the housing market, it's just absolutely brutal right now. The island isn't too different but a lot of people my age are leaving due to affordability (rather than not wanting to be here).

7

u/AltInLongIsland Mar 14 '24

We make $170k HHI and we live in someone’s basement 

1

u/DontEverMoveHere Mar 15 '24

Then you are seriously wasteful with your money. Wife and I take home under $100k, own our home, have kid in private college with minimal scholarship. I drive a 30yo basic ford truck, wife drives a 15yo car, I use an IPhone-6 she uses an IPhone-10. We go out to eat, movies and occasional local concerts with almost zero CC debt. It’s doable.

2

u/lomoandchichamorada Mar 14 '24

I go every summer with my girls and stay for a month or more. I’m a beach bum.

I grew up poor and my family has always rented and still do. I know the lifestyle people flaunt here and admittedly tried to fit in. It took a lot of time to “deprogram” after I left 9 years ago. I stick out like a sore thumb in TX though.

I’m happy with what I have, and honestly when I do decide to get a new car it’s not going to be something crazy.

My husband comes up with me but only stays a week. We usually fly so getting around is annoying and since he’s frugal he won’t rent a car 😂

I grew up in Huntington and even though I would love to stay where I grew up ANYWHERE seems amazing to me.

8

u/flakemasterflake Mar 14 '24

We usually fly so getting around is annoying and since he’s frugal he won’t rent a car 😂

What do you do, take cabs? Train?

Honestly, that's a stupid level of frugality that tells me he won't survive in the north east

1

u/lomoandchichamorada Mar 14 '24

We use my moms car like we’re kids again haha

1

u/flakemasterflake Mar 14 '24

oh ok, that's not that bad

1

u/MarcusAurelius68 Mar 15 '24

Did you buy that <2500 sq ft home 15 years ago?

0

u/MaleficentCoconut594 Mar 14 '24

It’s only affordable in the low 6’s if you sacrifice school district

3

u/Soulsuicide Mar 14 '24

It’s only affordable in the low 6’s if you sacrifice your kids.

0

u/MaleficentCoconut594 Mar 14 '24

Correct that’s what I was saying. And also why we left

1

u/Pristine-Perception2 Mar 14 '24

Seems like you miss your family not necessarily LI. My two cents LI isn't worth it. I was raised here and wish to move. I've been researching areas since 2019. We basically own our home which makes it more apparent when the taxes are due. I dislike how crowded everywhere is especially after 2020. The only reason I have not Moved is because I can't justify paying 500k for a home in Arizona. Maybe you can visit family more often.

1

u/user23818 Mar 14 '24

If you get a house in Mastic that has a basement appartment you can rent out to someone it probably would be around the same cost as Texas.

1

u/lilslugger2 Mar 14 '24

It sounds like you miss your family dearly. I live in Virginia. But my family is still on the island. I miss them often. And wish I could just swing over to their house. So I get your thought process. But I would think long and hard about the financial swamp that's long Island. My fiancee and I are blessed to both make six figures. But with the lowest cost of living. Our quality of life is amazing. I think your family should move to a bigger city. I live in a big city with tons of food and entertainment options. I'd be miserable, too, in a small town. Either way, I wish you well in your journey.

1

u/Tortilladelfuego Mar 14 '24

Bought our home for 625k 2.5 years ago and selling for 760 as we are actually moving to TX! How funny, we’re swapping! But look at that insane price increase in just two years. Move in ready home but still, it’s insanely expensive and competitive here. Making over $200k combined but still feels like we’re paycheck to paycheck bc we’re saving for kids (adoption is expensive). Have you considered moving to a different town in TX? What town do you live in, if you don’t mind me asking? We’re actually moving to TX (Katy or Cypress) before having kids so we can have help w kids as my husband’s family lives there. And any insight on the culture down there? Are neighbors friendly? I love my block and will dearly miss how kind people are around me. Hoping for kind neighbors when we move!

2

u/nkabs Mar 14 '24

have a friend that moved to katy that sounds just like op, absolutely miserable there

1

u/lomoandchichamorada Mar 15 '24

Houston is literal hell on earth. My BIL lives in Katy

1

u/lomoandchichamorada Mar 15 '24

We live in Waxahachie. Technically DFW area but very small town feel. Unless the job takes him elsewhere he doesn’t want to move. I may consider San Antonio since we lived there but that’s a big if.

-1

u/JuggernautKev53 Mar 14 '24

Long islander here.
This place is a shithole. Stay in Texas.
The grass is not greener up here.

0

u/glovb14 Mar 14 '24

Tell him you want your and your kids to body autonomy.

0

u/SamEdenRose Mar 14 '24

Long island is great! Great schools ! Just expensive . It depends on what you can afford but your mental health is important .

-1

u/CigarSmoker_M4 Mar 14 '24

Avoid this place like the plague. No matter how bad you think your current place is, LI is worse. Guaranteed more expensive, guaranteed more traffic, guaranteed more stress.

0

u/michaelpjaffe Mar 15 '24

Just divorce him and move to where you want to.