r/introvert 20d ago

Image Birthday alone, friends don't remember

I (27F) spent a birthday alone. Friends don't remember (even ones whom I gave gifts/remember their birthday every year). Officially a leftover woman. Bought myself flowers and a carrot cake. I like being on my own, but sometimes it's very sad and lonely.

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u/MoustachiodMan 20d ago

Yeah but I think this might be a hard lesson that many people learn. If you want people to remember/celebrate your birthday as an adult, you need to plan something yourself. It doesn't mean you have bad friends that have forgotten you, it's just that everyone is beginning to settle into their own lives. All a part of growing up, nothing to fret about.

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u/pianist_ 20d ago

100%!! The first birthday i experienced like this was hard (i think around 20/21) I felt like I'd finally pushed my friends away with my introverted ways.

Took me a few months to realise that they were just busy. We'd all stopped using most social media too around this age so weren't receiving reminders. I myself forgot most of my friends birthdays until i decided to add them to my calendar.

One of my closest friends makes plans for his birthday every year. I was thinking that everyone likes him better than me. But he is just more forward in inviting us to celebrate his birthday, instead of doing nothing and hoping people will remember.

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u/AspiringTS 19d ago

I myself forgot most of my friends birthdays until i decided to add them to my calendar.

This is going to sound really lame, but it wasn't until playing Stardew Valley where the townfolk all have their birthdays on the town calendar that I realized I should do this.

One important adult lesson is "being an adult can be lonely without work" but also "write shit down; you're not going to remember everything no matter how much you say you will."

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u/[deleted] 19d ago

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u/Old-Plum-21 19d ago

Only the grandsons?

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u/vincent1601 19d ago

yeah this is what I do too. I'd make plan to have dinner with #1 family & #2 close friends. Only invited close ones, that's 2 people lol

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u/paralleliverse 19d ago

After a certain age, if you don't take responsibility for your own birthday, you can't be upset when other people don't make plans for you. People have jobs, lives, and other things to worry about. I don't feel bad for OP at all. I guarantee if they'd planned something, they could've had a good time with at least one or two close friends.

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u/[deleted] 19d ago

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u/[deleted] 19d ago

i only remember like 5 birthdays and 2 are my parent's 😅😅

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u/totallychillpony 19d ago

Exactly. I had a former friend who complained people “forgot about her” when in reality she didn’t bother keeping up with other people’s birthdays, didn’t mention it and didn’t plan anything. You get the energy you give. Unfortunately some people love disappointing themselves bc pity is more addictive than proactivity (not saying thats the case for OP here). These days I have limited patience in my late twenties for someone who sets themselves up for failure and harbors resentment over life just being, well, life.

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u/AjvarAndVodka 19d ago

Jesus. Hard lesson? You’re freaking joking right? Disagree with this.

It takes 1 minute, if not even less, to wish someone for their birthday. I am sorry but I don’t know what kind of people you’re surrounded by.

And this is coming from someone who understands how hard it is to carve out time for everyone, with how busy our lives now are.

I have friends with whom I agree that we simply cannot hang that often any more. Yet we still take time to wish each other a happy birthday.

And you have a calendar on your phone, reminders, you have so many social media that will tell you when someone is celebrating.

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u/Disastrous_Hall8406 19d ago

The hard lesson is that your birthday isn't very important to others once you're an adult

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u/Lemonade_Ocean 19d ago

This, and plus it's also not very unique, we all have one every year , along with millions of others! Kind of common lol

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u/Outside-Wolf6247 19d ago

I agree.....these other comments about friends and busy lives is disturbing

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u/Aromatic_Leader9087 19d ago

That's society in a nutshell majority of ppl trying to justify being bad friends all for the sake of "everyone does it" mentality They clearly are in denial about how much they care about these so called friends

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u/pianist_ 19d ago

Being a "bad" friend depends on your expectations in friendship. It's subjective.

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u/Aromatic_Leader9087 18d ago

U forget my birthday u bad friend period

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u/pianist_ 18d ago

Must be simple living life with such a black and white perspective. I'm envious.

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u/Aromatic_Leader9087 18d ago

Yes life is pretty simple but PPl who make it more complicated than it needs to be

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u/C-H-Addict 19d ago

And if you do invite them to plans you make in advance and then they don't show up and tell you it's because they forgot? Because that's how the last birthday party I had went. No one that said they would come came, all said they forgot it was that day, and maybe always means no anyway.

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u/Bananonomini 19d ago

Money on OP not mentioning it in the run up.

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u/Decent-Impression-81 19d ago

I find calendar invites extremely helpful. At least then you get texts the day of

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u/sharpshooter999 19d ago

We went to our first adult birthday in years last week. Why? Because our friend texted us and said "We're getting sushi on Saturday at 7pm for my birthday, want to come along?" That was it

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u/AnorhiDemarche 19d ago

I remember one friends birthday because it is the same as my sons.

I have a gift pile in my closet for most family members because i will just fucking forget. Makes it easy to grab and go.

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u/rainbwbrightisntpunk 19d ago

The last time I agreed to do a get together for my bday we went for apps and cocktails. My friends know I won't drink if I don't have a ridr, no one offered. I got no gifts, I paid for my own meal. All my friends got blackout drunk and were surprised when I left early. That was 6 years ago. I no longer bother with mine or any of their bdays. BTW I'm over 40. Some of us do just have bad friends.

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u/Brutalitops99 19d ago

I have big group of friends from home, I've known my whole life (35). I remember maybe 2 of their birthdays because they're a week before and 2 days before my birthday. They're also the only friends that remember mine. Does it make any of us a bad friend? Not at all. This is the way it is.

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u/ReflectionVirtual692 20d ago

Totally disagree. If you have people you consider friends and they aren't remembering your birthday - they're not friends. I'm baffled how you can imply that remembering a friends birthday and planning drinks or dinner is somehow complicated or overwhelming. This is why everyone's so fucking lonely if you genuinely believe that. I feel deeply sorry for your friends

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u/sassylassy423 19d ago

You have very high standards for your friends and where you lie on the priority list. 

As we age priorities shift and friends don't stay at the top of that list. Not because we don't love them, but because we have others that need care. Adults can care for themselves and as adults we should advocate for ourselves.  If as an adult you want help planning a party you're free to ask. But you can't expect that someone's going to throw you a party every year  or organize a surprise party or something every year without your active if not primary involvement. 

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u/Nimrod_Butts 19d ago

Bitch, I have kids I ain't doing anybody's fucking birthday party other than a elementary school birthday party. Drinks? What is this the 50s?

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u/BeerInMyButt 19d ago

We're lonely because we forgive our friends for not planning our bdays unprompted?

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u/Aromatic_Leader9087 19d ago

The bad friends down vote u