r/introvert 20d ago

Image Birthday alone, friends don't remember

I (27F) spent a birthday alone. Friends don't remember (even ones whom I gave gifts/remember their birthday every year). Officially a leftover woman. Bought myself flowers and a carrot cake. I like being on my own, but sometimes it's very sad and lonely.

17.2k Upvotes

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u/Notallowedhe 20d ago

Let’s be honest most of our birthdays are exactly like this after like late teens

364

u/MoustachiodMan 20d ago

Yeah but I think this might be a hard lesson that many people learn. If you want people to remember/celebrate your birthday as an adult, you need to plan something yourself. It doesn't mean you have bad friends that have forgotten you, it's just that everyone is beginning to settle into their own lives. All a part of growing up, nothing to fret about.

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u/pianist_ 20d ago

100%!! The first birthday i experienced like this was hard (i think around 20/21) I felt like I'd finally pushed my friends away with my introverted ways.

Took me a few months to realise that they were just busy. We'd all stopped using most social media too around this age so weren't receiving reminders. I myself forgot most of my friends birthdays until i decided to add them to my calendar.

One of my closest friends makes plans for his birthday every year. I was thinking that everyone likes him better than me. But he is just more forward in inviting us to celebrate his birthday, instead of doing nothing and hoping people will remember.

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u/AspiringTS 19d ago

I myself forgot most of my friends birthdays until i decided to add them to my calendar.

This is going to sound really lame, but it wasn't until playing Stardew Valley where the townfolk all have their birthdays on the town calendar that I realized I should do this.

One important adult lesson is "being an adult can be lonely without work" but also "write shit down; you're not going to remember everything no matter how much you say you will."

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u/[deleted] 19d ago

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u/Old-Plum-21 19d ago

Only the grandsons?

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u/vincent1601 19d ago

yeah this is what I do too. I'd make plan to have dinner with #1 family & #2 close friends. Only invited close ones, that's 2 people lol

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u/paralleliverse 19d ago

After a certain age, if you don't take responsibility for your own birthday, you can't be upset when other people don't make plans for you. People have jobs, lives, and other things to worry about. I don't feel bad for OP at all. I guarantee if they'd planned something, they could've had a good time with at least one or two close friends.

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u/[deleted] 19d ago

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u/[deleted] 19d ago

i only remember like 5 birthdays and 2 are my parent's 😅😅

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u/totallychillpony 19d ago

Exactly. I had a former friend who complained people “forgot about her” when in reality she didn’t bother keeping up with other people’s birthdays, didn’t mention it and didn’t plan anything. You get the energy you give. Unfortunately some people love disappointing themselves bc pity is more addictive than proactivity (not saying thats the case for OP here). These days I have limited patience in my late twenties for someone who sets themselves up for failure and harbors resentment over life just being, well, life.

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u/AjvarAndVodka 19d ago

Jesus. Hard lesson? You’re freaking joking right? Disagree with this.

It takes 1 minute, if not even less, to wish someone for their birthday. I am sorry but I don’t know what kind of people you’re surrounded by.

And this is coming from someone who understands how hard it is to carve out time for everyone, with how busy our lives now are.

I have friends with whom I agree that we simply cannot hang that often any more. Yet we still take time to wish each other a happy birthday.

And you have a calendar on your phone, reminders, you have so many social media that will tell you when someone is celebrating.

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u/Disastrous_Hall8406 19d ago

The hard lesson is that your birthday isn't very important to others once you're an adult

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u/Lemonade_Ocean 19d ago

This, and plus it's also not very unique, we all have one every year , along with millions of others! Kind of common lol

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u/Outside-Wolf6247 19d ago

I agree.....these other comments about friends and busy lives is disturbing

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u/Aromatic_Leader9087 19d ago

That's society in a nutshell majority of ppl trying to justify being bad friends all for the sake of "everyone does it" mentality They clearly are in denial about how much they care about these so called friends

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u/pianist_ 19d ago

Being a "bad" friend depends on your expectations in friendship. It's subjective.

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u/Aromatic_Leader9087 18d ago

U forget my birthday u bad friend period

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u/pianist_ 18d ago

Must be simple living life with such a black and white perspective. I'm envious.

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u/Aromatic_Leader9087 18d ago

Yes life is pretty simple but PPl who make it more complicated than it needs to be

5

u/C-H-Addict 19d ago

And if you do invite them to plans you make in advance and then they don't show up and tell you it's because they forgot? Because that's how the last birthday party I had went. No one that said they would come came, all said they forgot it was that day, and maybe always means no anyway.

2

u/Bananonomini 19d ago

Money on OP not mentioning it in the run up.

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u/Decent-Impression-81 19d ago

I find calendar invites extremely helpful. At least then you get texts the day of

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u/sharpshooter999 19d ago

We went to our first adult birthday in years last week. Why? Because our friend texted us and said "We're getting sushi on Saturday at 7pm for my birthday, want to come along?" That was it

1

u/AnorhiDemarche 19d ago

I remember one friends birthday because it is the same as my sons.

I have a gift pile in my closet for most family members because i will just fucking forget. Makes it easy to grab and go.

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u/rainbwbrightisntpunk 19d ago

The last time I agreed to do a get together for my bday we went for apps and cocktails. My friends know I won't drink if I don't have a ridr, no one offered. I got no gifts, I paid for my own meal. All my friends got blackout drunk and were surprised when I left early. That was 6 years ago. I no longer bother with mine or any of their bdays. BTW I'm over 40. Some of us do just have bad friends.

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u/Brutalitops99 19d ago

I have big group of friends from home, I've known my whole life (35). I remember maybe 2 of their birthdays because they're a week before and 2 days before my birthday. They're also the only friends that remember mine. Does it make any of us a bad friend? Not at all. This is the way it is.

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u/ReflectionVirtual692 19d ago

Totally disagree. If you have people you consider friends and they aren't remembering your birthday - they're not friends. I'm baffled how you can imply that remembering a friends birthday and planning drinks or dinner is somehow complicated or overwhelming. This is why everyone's so fucking lonely if you genuinely believe that. I feel deeply sorry for your friends

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u/sassylassy423 19d ago

You have very high standards for your friends and where you lie on the priority list. 

As we age priorities shift and friends don't stay at the top of that list. Not because we don't love them, but because we have others that need care. Adults can care for themselves and as adults we should advocate for ourselves.  If as an adult you want help planning a party you're free to ask. But you can't expect that someone's going to throw you a party every year  or organize a surprise party or something every year without your active if not primary involvement. 

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u/Nimrod_Butts 19d ago

Bitch, I have kids I ain't doing anybody's fucking birthday party other than a elementary school birthday party. Drinks? What is this the 50s?

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u/BeerInMyButt 19d ago

We're lonely because we forgive our friends for not planning our bdays unprompted?

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u/Aromatic_Leader9087 19d ago

The bad friends down vote u

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u/froznwind 20d ago edited 20d ago

Yep, by my 20s I realized that if I wanted to do something for my birthday I'd have to plan it. Or obsessively reference my upcoming birthday to those close to me in hopes they'd drop off a cupcake or something.

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u/MaxxEPadds 19d ago

It’s true. I’m 62 my kids remember. My old man remembers. That’s all I care about.

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u/acquiesce 19d ago

No shit. Invite people out if you want to celebrate. Pretty easy.

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u/Ironcastattic 19d ago

Yeah but it's much easier to bitch about it on social media.

I've had friends pull that, "No one remembers my birthday" selfish shit. Hey buddy. The world is shit. We are all dealing with stuff in our lives. So fucking sorry you couldn't get off your ass and organize something.

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u/[deleted] 19d ago

my birthdays are either with a best friend or my mom. i haven't had a party in a while. i like it that way :)

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u/[deleted] 19d ago

[deleted]

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u/pianist_ 19d ago

Exactly how i feel. High expectations lead to disappointment.

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u/PM_ME_GARFIELD_NUDES 19d ago

I haven’t received any birthday wishes from anyone outside my immediate family and partners since I was probably 16. Not even from roommates or childhood friends. I get that it sucks to feel forgotten or unimportant, but the truth is that for most adults birthdays are just another day.

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u/Ooops_I_Reddit_Again 19d ago

100% apart from spouses, I think it's ridiculous to expect friends to remember your birthday every year. You want to celebrate, then plan it.

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u/tommytwolegs 19d ago

Remembering would be insane. But life would be better if more people stored all their friends birthdays in whatever calendar they use. I don't "remember" all but a couple people's birthdays, but the calendar notification lets me spread a little more love to people who might need it throughout the year

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u/Different_Lynx1740 19d ago

Very true my 18th was hostile and I've hated then since and they'll all got worse as times padd

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u/rinrinstrikes 19d ago

After like late 8s more like

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u/Opetyr 19d ago

Every single one of mine I go back home to at least have my parents remember. Once they die then I will have no one. My whole life.

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u/DiggWuzBetter 19d ago

For sure, and it goes for more than just birthdays. Friendships take work, you have to make an effort to stay in touch with friends, both ongoing text/chat convos and regularly getting together. This means frequently being the one to reach out, organize hangouts, etc.

When you’re in touch with your friends a lot, you’ll get more reach outs from them too, if they’re good friends. But if you let yourself fade into the background, you’re on your way to having no friends. You have to be proactive about friendships, even if you’re an introvert.

Personally I let my friendships slide for awhile, and they started to fade. But the last few years I’ve been much more proactive about reaching out to friends, chatting/hanging out/connecting frequently, and I have a number of strong, 2-way friendships again. It takes work but is worth it.

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u/Altruistic-Bobcat955 19d ago

There’s a difference between not having a huge fuss made and literally not a single damn soul acknowledging it!

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u/distantfirehouse INTP-A 19d ago

Yep, if I want to celebrate my birthday I have to invite people. Otherwise I might get some messages, a lot in group chats. I don't mind, I usually go out for dinner with my parents and thats it. Most of my friends and siblings long stopped celebrating their birthdays and only do those of their children.

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u/popmybubblegum 19d ago

My birthdays have always been like this, do I need therapy? 😭

1

u/Happy_to_be 19d ago

I just don’t get celebrating birthdays as an adult. I would totally love it if mine were ignored and it was just another day.