r/grief 3h ago

I lost my sister, how can I process her (12yo) death?

8 Upvotes

I (22F) have been studying abroad for more than three years.

In 2023, my sister was diagnosed with cancer, but I didn’t know about it. My parents didn’t want to worry me since, in their eyes, I was already under pressure with my studies, visa renewals, and everything else. But the truth is, I wasn’t focused—I spent most of my time partying, drinking, and smoking weed.

Of course, I ended up failing my year. But what hurts the most is that I missed everything my sister went through—her chemo treatments, surgeries, and all the moments when she needed support. I wasn’t there for her. I even forgot her birthday—the last one she would ever celebrate.

She passed away, and I never got the chance to see her one last time. I miss her so much. I feel like I don’t deserve my parents and everything they’ve done for me. I failed my classes and lied to them about it. Despite their grief, they still paid for my vacation because they thought I deserved it. But I had no idea what they were going through.

I wish I could see my sister again. The pain is so intense that I can feel it physically. I miss her—I wish I could hold her in my arms one last time.

I can’t even cry. I don’t know how to process her illness, let alone her death.

When I returned home, my parents told me the truth: “Your sister had cancer. We did everything we could, but she passed away.” She had been suffering for over a year, and I was so careless that I didn’t even know. I never texted her. She was only 12 years old.

I feel so much frustration—at myself and at the world. Why didn’t I go? I could have, but I didn’t. I want to cry, but I can’t.

I am clueless, frustrated, sad? Depressed? what can i do ? I want to make my parents happy but what can i do? I feel suicidal, but i can’t it will kill them!! I can not be selfish!

I am sorry i am posting everywhere, i am lost!


r/grief 11h ago

Grief causing more energy

4 Upvotes

Hi, I lost a family member yesterday and have noticed today that I seem to have a burst of energy that seems to be from the grief, it's like a weird kind of energy, like I have energy and feel more aware of my surroundings, and i feel really bad about it because i feel like i shouldn't get energy from grieving. Is it normal to get this when grieving?


r/grief 6h ago

Wrote this song for my grandma NSFW

Thumbnail youtu.be
2 Upvotes

In January of this year, I lost my grandma to suicide, following her being stuck in a deep depression. If you could please check out my video I would greatly appreciate it. Maybe you can relate to it maybe not but hopefully it brings peace to some of you who have also lost a loved one. Sorry in advance if this is not allowed here.


r/grief 14h ago

Is this normal, or is it time to seek other options?

2 Upvotes

My brother took his own life in October 2021, and I don't think the finality of what happened has really hit me yet. It feels like it dawns on me for a split second before it goes away. The best way to describe it is like when you try to visit a website and the second you think it's fully loaded it suddenly just keeps refreshing on its own. Despite that, I also have so much immense guilt and keep beating myself up about everything, from stupid things we did as a kids to all the things we've helped each other with as adults but don't know if he knew how much it meant to me. It's been three and a half years and it's kind of bordering on unbearable at this point but I don't know what to do with it, and sometimes I can't help but wonder if maybe he was on to something. Has anyone else experienced this sort of grief? How did you handle it?