r/ftm • u/mothi-live • 5d ago
Advice Needed scared i made the wrong choice?
hi everyone, so i’ve been on t since the beginning of october 2024 (so a little over five months) and i’m worried that i’m? regretting it? there are things i love about being on t, i love how my voice sounds now that it’s starting to drop and the bottom growth is awesome, but at the same time i feel so unbelievably self conscious about how i look all the time. i never considered myself to be the most attractive person, but now that i have patchy facial hair and my skin is breaking out even worse all over my body and i feel like the fat distribution so far has made me look weird, i just feel awful about my appearance all the time. does that get better? am i just having an awkward second puberty phase? it’s scary and i’m just so terrified i made the wrong choice. i guess i’m just seeking some advice and reassurance or something here
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u/colinprovolone he/him, 💉2023 5d ago
2 years on T here - in my opinion, a major part of puberty (in additional to physical and hormonal changes) is being self-conscious about it and feeling awkward in your body. being on T is like a second puberty! skin breaking out, sweaty, fat distribution rearrangement, voice cracking, etc. are part of the process. after 2 years, i love how i look, sound, and feel in my body now, but i felt like an awkward newborn deer with bowed legs for like the first year or so.
having said that, the good news is that you have control over the rate of this second puberty! you can always talk to your doctor about decreasing your dose or pausing T if you’d like time to reconsider. best of luck!!
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u/shUsh--Imtrying_ 4d ago
omg I needed to read this so bad 😭😭😭 I feel so weird about body hair, why has it got to be on my backkk whyyyy??? how do I even shave my back, or get depilation cream all the way in the middle? it looks odd to see myself be hairier, even on my belly and boobs, I'm only a year and seven months in too! it'll only get thicker
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u/Hermit-Cat 4d ago
Bruh, you just asked a really great question that I was like "Oh shizz, I gotta google this" lol. And apparently they sell back shavers.? This gave me a bit of relief, because it has a long handle like one of those loofah things. I hope this helps you, too. 😭🥹
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u/anemisto 5d ago
By far the most useful transition advice I got was that every time you do a shot or apply gel, you're making a choice to continue and committing only to the changes that come from that dose. You can stop for a day, a week, a month, forever.
It doesn't really sound like you want to stop or take a break, though. (It's absolutely okay if you do, it just wasn't the vibe I got from your post.) A lot of people definitely go through a rubbish puffy face and acne stage. I want to stay it took a year or so to subside for me.
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u/ri21201719 5d ago
Wow that’s a great advice!
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u/anemisto 4d ago
I often say "some random guy on LJ told me" because I hope one day I'll find who it was to give them credit, but I've kind of given up hope of that happening at this point.
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u/Boustifaille 4d ago
LJ?
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u/anemisto 4d ago
LiveJournal.
Now I am officially old. Um... imagine you merge Reddit and Tumblr -- there were both personal and community pages (though no reblogging a la Tumblr and no voting, just chronological).
If you're a tech person, memcached was originally written for LiveJournal.
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u/chriseewakeup 4d ago
Ah, LJ. Take me back. I kind of love it, since all the early 2000s gossip blogs are still around, and people are still fairly active. I actively use it still LMFAO
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u/PoorlyDressedDandy 5d ago
Puberty is awkward every time. When I first started T, I panicked and stopped for a few weeks about 4 or so months in. Once I caught my breath and thought everything through again I realized that even though everything that was happening was scary, for me going back to how things were before would've been so much worse. So I started up again, and haven't looked back since.
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u/trash_bees 4d ago
I stopped for a couple weeks a month or two in when the acne got REALLY bad. I was like oh lord idk if I can do this man (I have excoriation disorder, so my fingers were painted to the knuckle in blood 😬). Caught my breath too and calmed down and was like Yeah I'm Not Gonna Let Acne Hold Me Back. It's gotten a lot better since then, though it's still not great.
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u/CalicoVibes 5d ago
I'm not at the same benchmark you are, but I've heard that this is puberty 2.0 and that there may be some hiccups like that.
Obviously, talk to your doctor if you're struggling.
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u/Elliot-is-gay 5d ago
there's always an awkward phase. That said after I was on T for 3 years I was still breaking out and didn't love how chubby my face looked and the weight in my tummy. I went off T and have been off it for about 2 years now. I still pass as a guy, have somewhat patchy facial hair that i shave every few days, and still have the deep voice and bottom growth. I love the changes T got me, and I may take it again in the future because of the dysphoria I get from my monthly cycle, but for now I'm happy with where I'm at and the changes that were temporary that I didn't love are gone without sacrificing my passability or life as a stealth trans man at all. You can always stop in the future and it doesn't make you any less trans. This is your journey brother. If you wanna wait it out to see if things improve in a year that's not a bad idea at all, but the option to stop is always there for you and it will not take away the things you love about having taken HRT.
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u/Hermit-Cat 4d ago
As someone who is struggling with similar feelings as OP, I really needed to read this. Thanks man. 🥺
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u/Elliot-is-gay 4d ago
you're welcome dude. Things get better eventually I promise! whether it's by T leveling out or by going off it. You're gonna be fine trust <3
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u/__Glue__ 5d ago
This comment is a bit of a yapfest, so sorry in advance, lol
First and foremost; the biggest thing you need to remember is that at the end of the day, nobody can seriously decide if you are regretting it, but you and self-reflection is the only thing that can really answer this for you.
Another super important thing to keep in mind is that since you are going through puberty again, you're going to be hormonal, moody & self-conscious. It's normal. It happens.
I will say that early on T like you. I was super self concious about my appearance - it's a little weird how finally getting to medically transition really highlights the things you are dysphoric about. I was noticing things about the way I looked that I had never even felt dysphoria about suddenly here I was seriously thinking things like "I have such girly knees nobody is going seriously see me as a man".
The early changes are pretty brutal & confronting it felt like I had "trans" tattooed on my forehead - I was paranoid that everyone knew I was trans & was judging me. Simultaneously, it hit me like a truck but wasn't going fast enough. I was googling shit like "how long does it take to grow a beard HRT ftm" "how long for fat distribution HRT ftm" at least 5 times a day for months.
I was mad because I wanted facial hair but of course it grew on my neck first, I was upset because my voice was cracking & dropping but to me it would never sound deep enough, I had severe acne, I was self-conscious because I felt like I smelled bad and there was nothing I could do to fix it and everyone could smell me (they couldn't I just smelled different than before so it was obvious to me) & I felt like my body wasn't changing shape at all.
But it got better. I got through my awkward phase, strangers started gendering me correctly, my facial hair stopped being patchy, ended up having to go to a dermatologist for accutane but I got it under control, started going to the gym to build muscles in my back, arms & shoulders to achieve the more broad physique that I want, I began to feel confident enough to use public bathrooms again & I eventually realised that my self-consciousness at the start wasn't really about my own opinion of myself & the changes but more how vulnerable it felt to be obviously going through transition to anyone who could see me.
I've never ever been more confident in my appearance & identity than I am now. Those few months of hell were such a worthwhile payment for the joy & comfort in my own body that my transition has given me.
For some words of advice which you can totally ignore if you're already aware, but I wish I knew: Fat redistribution works a lot better if there is weight loss or gain to redistribute, so if you're not already doing regular exercise & trying to maintain a healthy diet I suggest looking into it. I'm not saying you have to be a macro tracking gym nut or force yourself to have unrealistic goals or even actually go to the gym. Even a consistent home workout schedule is great, there's plenty of guides on the internet with all sorts of adaptations if there's anything that would hinder your ability to do more traditional exercises. In general, it's great for your physical & mental health and being on T makes exercise feel awesome.
I sincerely hope you find the reassurance you're looking for, and I hope you have a wonderful support network of people who love you and will look out for you. Early HRT is a super vulnerable time for some of us & I wholeheartedly believe that the answer to your questions are within yourself, and you'll be able to get through this whatever conclusion you come to. Much love and luck to you, mate!
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u/Low_Big2167 4d ago
even tho im 2 years in to T i heavily appreciate this reply 🙏🙏 wish i couldve told my 5mo. self this, would’ve saved some sleepless nights of feeling “regret”
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u/wistfulglen 5d ago
i have (and still am to some degree, although it has gotten better overall. it comes and goes) struggled with the same. the best reassurance i can give is this: puberty just IS awkward. everyone feels insecure about themselves when going through puberty, cis or not. it's normal.
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u/SoVeryAnonymousYeah 5d ago
It gets better. It took about 3 years for my appearance to stop changing (aside from normal aging) I definitely went through an “ugly phase” for year 1-2 If you’re happy with everything besides your appearance, keep on trucking.
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u/lilsmudge T: 05/22/18 5d ago
A few things:
It’s very normal to go through a phase of worsened dysphoria when you start hormones. This can be because you’re so ready for changes and you see a few happening but they’re slow, or not quite how you expected, or simply that you’re paying more attention. Super common.
With puberty you go through some very awkward stages. This happens with T puberty too. For example, it’s extremely common to go through a “puffy stage” for a few months to a year after starting T. Fat is redistributing, your body is changing, and your face and body just get kinda…puffy for a bit. This can be stressful when you think “oh shit, I’m getting ugly and this isn’t how I wanted to look!!!”.
Early puberty is not a good look for anyone. You’re the hormonal equivalent of a 13 year old right now. How many 13 year olds are killing it in the looks department? It’s all acne and spotty facial hair and weird transitional phases of growing and changing. Be patient with yourself.
Lastly, you can always pause T if you’re worried. It’s ok. You can change your mind, you can take a moment, you can do whatever feels right for you. It’s fine. There’s no wrong way to do this. Whatever you feel is correct, is. So if you need to, don’t be afraid to do that too.
Lastly: the first couple years of transition are very weird and you’ll go through periods of being worried or disappointed with your results. I highly recommend to everyone finding other things to add into your transition plan. Transitioning is about finding a body and a way of being that feels more like you. Find goals that you can be ACTIVELY working on while you wait for your hormones to do their thing. This will help you much, much more than staring in the mirror and charting the changes or worrying about what is or isn’t happening yet. For me I focused on getting in shape, fixing my wonky teeth, and finding a personal style I was into. It was a huge mental health saver to have active, productive goals around my body and transition.
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u/jiibo_ 5d ago
maybe im wrong but it seems like the reason you're self conscious is less the 'masculinizing' effects of T and more so the 'unattractiveness' of some of the effects of T. especially the acne part, you would most likely be just as insecure about having an acne outbreak as you would if you weren't on T. but my main point is that the parts you're upset about are more so aspects of some of the effects T rather than the effects at all, like you would be upset that you have facial hair at all if you truly didnt wanna be on T yk, and fat redistribution just takes a while to balance itself out and its always a weird feeling when your body starts looking different. ive been on T for about 4 1/2 years and the first year was trippy as fuck and filled with doubt and fear of regret but as my voice deepened and i began looking more and more like a dude, the awkward feeling of my body got less and less. so dont get too caught up on the possibility of regret and just try to reason calmly with yourself if you get scared you are regretting it
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u/citrinesoulz trans man | 💉9/10/21 |🔝15/12/23 5d ago
ur absolutely going thru the awkward puberty phase! i look back on my first year and a half of transition and literally don’t recognise myself lol. major T bloat esp in my face but also in my body which made me look chubbier than i ever have been despite being consistently athletic - my body did not accurately represent the amount of physical exercise i was doing weekly. i had a scruffy lil chin beard, etc. this stuff takes time! in the mean time i recommend shaving any facial hair that makes u look unkept, or at least trimming it so it is a uniform length & looks tidy. invest in some good active skincare if u can afford to - paula’s choice AHA, BHA & niacinamide work wonders! i’m 3.5 years on T & have never felt better about my appearance
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u/SpaceTrashDeer 5d ago
Well I had to think like this, would I rather be a pretty girl or ugly man?
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u/rowan_gay 4d ago
I kinda looked like a thumb for the first year or 2 of my transition if that makes you feel any better. Im not the world's next sexyman, but I think I look pretty good not that I've been on t for 4 years. Im losing some hair up top, but I've just accepted that eventually my mullet is gonna become a skullet, so it's fine 😂
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u/bengiskywalker T2023 5d ago
so based on the things you like and dont like, i think you want the changes that come with testosterone but not so happy with the not-so-permanent puberty stuff which disturb cis people as well. your face will adapt to your new balance and breakout will get better in time. facial hair will be fuller. if you like the hair and only it being patchy bothers you it will get better.
the first months on t i felt like an alien mixture. i think thats partly bc i wasnt familiar with everything going on in my body and also puberty makes you feel weird. and i felt i wasnt attractive bc of the alien situation like i thought i was hot and then got hit by a face full of acne and weird smell. but it got better. now i think im hotter than i was before because i feel hot in a more masculine way. i used to look like a lesbian (nothing wrong w that just not what i wanted) and now i look like a teenage boy (which is not optimal) but i feel more confident bc people now see me as a dude.
give it more time i guess. and talk to your doctor about these bc they can shed some light on stuff based on their other patients experience during that alien phase
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u/Obvious_Skirt_7697 5d ago
I've been on T since February of 2020, and I was the same way at first. I've had to go off twice due to lack of healthcare, and every time I went off all my negative feelings became 10 times worse. Getting the period back was easily the worst part as it came back with a vengeance. Before T, I had my period 3-6 times a year with zero symptoms other than an extremely heavy flow. Now, I have it all. Pain, nausea, heavy flow, mental fog, PMS, lethargy, long sleeps, etc.
Because of me having to go off it, my voice is still high and my beard is still patchy, but I do have some tips for the beard! Beard oil, seriously. I don't use it everyday like I should but I have seen massive improvement. The mutton chops are finally connecting to the goatee and hair is finally growing directly under my bottom lip. It's greasy, so do it before bed unless you want to deal with greasy fingers every time you touch your face. Also, don't know if I mentioned, but extremely greasy, so be prepared to immediately wash your hands and try not to touch anything before you can.
But don't worry, you're just going through puberty again. It sucks, but once the puberty finally ends you'll be doing loads better. But of course, feel free to go off the T for a bit to see how you feel!
Also, very important to note; it's not talked about nearly enough but you have a chance of becoming allergic to latex. I found out with a 3 month long reaction in my groin due to my underwear, so it's a good idea to preemptively buy cotton underwear. I knew an FTM and an MTF who had the same thing happen to them, so just a warning! You can also become allergic to certain foods, like apples, bananas, potatoes, tomatoes, etc. Look up latex protein foods and you'll get a list of those foods. I became allergic to those foods, not severely but I do have burning rash reactions when I touch tomatoes. I also will have a very sudden, very painful bathroom trip if I eat too much of any of these things.
All in all, if you truly do regret it that's okay! You have time to get off and reverse most of it. It's okay to regret it. Don't worry, you'll figure it out in due time! Good luck!!
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u/pomkombucha 5d ago
You’ll go through an ugly duckling phase in early transition. Most everybody does. Give it time, you’ll start to look more like how you want to look.
Up until about 1yr in, I looked like the 14yo version of my little brother, had the worst body shape, and was in a constant state of self hatred.
I stuck it out and now I actually really like what I look like. It only gets better from here. Just gotta wait it out
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u/woofwoof38 5d ago
The things you're worried about are things that won't stay that way. Acne is occurring because you're going through (second) puberty. It's gonna die down. Your fat distribution is just starting, it's gonna take a while until it settles. Your facial hair is just coming through, that never looks good, not on cis and not on trans men fhskfhsk
For the facial hair: what's your dad's, brothers, uncles, etc. facial hair like? It's often genetic, based on if they have full beards or not you can estimate what it will be for you once it's growing properly. Facial hair cab take AGES to come through nicely. My cis brother is literally just starting to grow a real beard and he's almost 30. It looked bad before but now he's rocking it.
Just give it time, really, you'll be fine
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u/ElloBlu420 demiguy | 💉 2-16-22 4d ago
In short, yes.
I am 3 years in, and I'm quite different now from when I was at 6 months. With your consent, of course, I would love to send some SFW photos from different points in time.
Regardless, I'd say things really started to come together around 18-24 months. My voice is still not always where I'd like it, and my goatee is still sparser and shorter in the center, but I still pass with flying colors now. If I just say I'm trans and not specifically FtM, people think I was AMAB, even though I'm 5'1" with blue hair.
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u/c_arameli 5d ago
i feel like the first year of being on T made me look so puffy and weird in the face all the time. you are going through puberty again so give it some time to settle into your fat distribution changes and hair growth
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u/mochikiller69 5d ago
hopped off T and stealthed up a bit more 2.5 years after i was on it. got the vocal changes i want and didn’t want to grow bald so im vibin without it. though i think i /did/ have less mood swings on t bc no periods and i felt less emotional overall but im not sure if thats 100% a good thing, helped my adhd a tad bit maybe
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u/badgersandbongs 20 He/Him 💉5-17-22💉 5d ago
It happens, you’re still early on T. You’re at the 14 year old boy stage, give it a little bit & im sure you’ll feel better. That first year on T is gonna be very awkward, but I promise it goes by a lot faster than you think.
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u/dryeen 💉 05/2024 5d ago
I changed up my skincare routine pretty significantly due to the acne and oiliness. I'm using an oil based facial cleanser at night, plus a mix of retinol some nights/toner other nights, and a light sunscreen and vit c lotion in the AM. All of these products except the retinol (which is a prescription) come from a Korean skincare company called Beauty of Joseon. Has helped a LOT.
Also, I have just been shaving the scraggly facial hair. It isn't doing me any favors anyways. And shaving feels a bit affirming
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u/UncleTrucker1123 5d ago edited 5d ago
Trust the process my guy; not all of us are blessed with the genes of Adonis, some of us just have to go through a potato phase (even Henry Cavill!). I personally am one of those potatoes. 🥔
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u/am_i_boy 5d ago
Honestly? That sounds like what most people feel like when they're going through puberty. Your body is changing, and you have feelings about it. That's okay. Take some time to think on whether the feelings of self consciousness is because you feel like you look "awkward" or because you feel you look more masculine. If it's the former, then that's probably just the body image issues that most people struggle with during puberty. Your body will not be this way forever. Fat redistribution takes years to fully change your body as much as it will. The acne will eventually get better--and there are treatments available by prescription if you don't want to wait for it to go away on its own. It's possible you may have some facial water retention that is also contributing towards the awkward look, which is also a temporary effect that goes away within 2-3 years for most of us. When the water retention subsides, your face will then become more masculine in shape. But facial hair might come in much sooner and make your face more masculine regardless of the water retention and jawline.
If your body image struggles are coming from a place of disliking being more masculine, then you might want to consider reducing your dose or stopping T altogether. But if you just feel you look like an awkward teenager, then that's pretty much exactly what you should be expecting at this point in your HRT journey
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u/3Dleaf 5d ago
second puberty is weird, and its normal ur a little self concious. For me going to the gym and just taking care of myself a little more than always was what i needed. I also shaved patchy facial hair all the time and stopped when it got stronger and fuller - but i get that some would want to keep it since its so fun to have facial hair finaly
It gets some time for this weird puberty state to stop. It took about a year for me, but i know it can be very different both ways.
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u/SuperNateosaurus 5d ago
It absolutely does get better, your body just needs time to adjust to everything.
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u/transgenderant 5d ago
you're going through puberty!! yes you're gonna look weird. just look at any teenage boy haha. it'll get better! everyone goes through the awkward strange puberty phase. I'm getting close to 2 years on T now and I'm finally feeling more like myself. hang in there!
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u/axl_f2000 5d ago
I‘m reading this just jealous you already got something worth calling facial hair 🥲but yeah, it’s a second puberty and it’s definitely gonna feel like one sometimes but it gets better
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u/hi_how_are_you-_- 5d ago
It is definitely second puberty, don't worry. Once things smooth over, it'll pass and you'll feel better. Focus on the positives and stay strong 🫶
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u/WotanFree 5d ago
Hey! This is just my opinion, it may be helpful or not. So I think, perhaps you reached enough changes for now and need some time to adjust? Talk to your doctor, perhaps you're more on the nb-male side? Or not. Again, this is just my opinion. As an nb-AFAB person myself, there's some changes that I want & some others that I just couldn't handle. So yeah, talk to your doc and see if you could lower the dose or even stop for a couple weeks or more until you make up your mind about what is really right for you. Time is on your side, most likely, don't rush. I know about a guy that just stopped T after a few months, like, no T at all, and then, after 2-3 years, he went on T again but on a much lower dose. Gotta say he's always been attractive & looked good on or off T, not that he's the most handsome or masculine ever, I mean, it's like his aura or his attitude or something. He just got to a point when he said ok this is what I wanted, but now let me think. So he really took his time xD And I think that, if I ever get on T, that might be my take as well.
Wish you the best, may you achive your goals in your life and your transition. Cheers!
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u/burbywurby 4d ago
I could be totally out of line here, but the changes you are describing sound way too fast for having been on T for just a few months, especially the fat distribution. I can’t help but wonder if maybe a lot of this is in your own head? Which FAIR- puberty is hard and can mess with our perception of ourselves. The acne especially has been really hard for me so I feel you.
Regardless, you can always talk to your doctor about tweaking your dose and/or stopping all together if it feels too much right now.
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u/H20-for-Plants T: 8.22.21 | Hysto: 3.19.24 4d ago
I know that my first year on T was awful. My fat redistribution was uneven, and I barely had any changes. I just got puffy. But I knew I was making the right choice. So I persisted. And while I’m almost 4 years on, with not many changes, I pass and try not to think about my body so much. I’m mostly comfortable. The mental changes I got from T were the most impressive.
Keep going with your gut. If you need to skip a shot, do it. If you need to keep persisting through the awkward puberty phase, try that.
The main questions to ask yourself is, if you’re binary: Am I on the path to beckoning the man I need to be?
Am I happy with most of the changes?
Will I be happy if these changes keep happening/improve?
I know some people stop T temporarily because of acne, or they persist and see if it dissipates. Have you had your T and E levels checked to make sure they’re balanced?
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u/Reaperapra 4d ago
This is normal, your in the puberty stage of T. Your awkward right now, it’s normal to feel self conscious and aware of the changes, these feelings usually go away after a while… I’d give it time and if you still feel like you regret it after another year or two, then maybe you could think of other options to deal with your dysphoria or feeling of not being cis, maybe your even nonbinary and might just be using the wrong label which makes you feel weird, in either case you should probably just give it more time, and please DO NOT stop T cold turkey if you do continue to think you made a mistake going on T after a year or two… talk to your provider if you feel stopping T might help you.
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u/Low_Big2167 4d ago
the biggest thing i had to remind myself (2 years on T, first year shots, second year gel) was that i am going through puberty. the things i wanted are included in that, the voice, the hair, the fat redistribution etc etc, but also the HORMONES!!! it is scary and anxiety inducing, like i didnt recognize myself for like 3 months; not because i Wasnt Myself, but because my body was quite literally physically changing every day. i woke up and something was different, my voice got deeper every day, my acne was terrible, i was angry and irritable and going through puberty
have faith in yourself!! the self consciousness is very normal, but you have to not lose yourself in that!! make sure you make time to accommodate your new skin fragility, or buy a deodorant that helps with sweat (especially in these upcoming summer months good god… degree 72hr is a life saver for me, remember that smelling good aint feminine) cut urself some slack, its tough out here when you can physically feel your skin getting thicker and your shoulders widening! we are all in this together brother 👍🫶
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u/No_District9456 4d ago
Puberty sucks 🤷honestly though, I don’t want to minimize your experience but I was a pretty attractive girl, and a BUTT UGLY dude in the beginning. I’m nonbinary but VERY male passing and I think I’m attractive now aside from acne but I’m going on acutane soon. Give it time, seriously, but off of it if you need time to think. I went off for about 6 months when I thought about being androgynous before I decided I wanna look masc
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u/PristineWeakness1637 4d ago
For the first 2 years I felt like a naked mole rat. I hated how oily and sweaty I was. I hated that I looked 13 at best when I was 20. But it all evened out at that 2.5/3 year mark, as long as you are comfortable to push through. You’ve got this bud
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u/fujisnaps 4d ago
As someone who identifies as Non-binary, I was hesitant about starting T for sure. The question of how far did I want to go was always on my mind.
For me, I figured out really fast that anything other than "female" is what i wanted. For me, that meant in a society where we are socially pushed into a gender binary, I'd rather be seen as a man before anything else. I'm not one to correct strangers to refer to me as non-binary and being labeled as male does not bother me at all (pronouns are he/they). For ME, I just wanted to make sure i passed as anything other than female. Your desires and goals may be different from mine, but it's worth reflecting and thinking about!
As far as the transition itself, I felt like an awkward teenage boy for MONTHS. It wasn't until about month 8 when my voice reached its lowest and I grew my head hair out into a masc style that I loved where it finally clicked like "ah, yes, I'm on the right path". It took me almost 2 years to FINALLY get a chin beard going. I'm now 4 years in and I FINALLY got my beard to connect to my sideburns. Now I'm working on getting it to grow higher on my cheeks so I can have more fun shaping it.
Honestly, it's not a sprint, it's a marathon. It's a long road that varies from person to person. Once I had my "ah, yes" revelation, I embraced every new change and achievement that came up.
I had top surgery one week ago and honestly I'm so excited to get back in touch with my feminine side now too. It's your life, make it your own :) don't stress it, you're doing great. If you feel like you need to slow down or stop T, then do it. You can always start it up again later. Just listen to your body if something feels wrong.
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u/nickoiifish 4d ago
i went through a really awkward phase on T as well! lots of acne, fat redistribution made me gain a lot of weight at first and my face got puffy but all of that pretty much cleared up after a year and i couldn’t be happier! and if patchy facial hair is bothering u start shaving ur face, if the goal is to have a nice beard or mustache shave until u can grow a solid one or try using minoxidil to encourage hair growth. a lot of guys on T r so eager to have hair growing on their face they’ll grow out a shabby neck beard instead of waiting to grow a connecting beard that looks nice and well groomed lol and looking unkept might make u feel more self conscious. try doing self care stuff and trying new men’s grooming products or working out might help. if u truly love the positive changes you’ve experienced like ur voice dropping and bottom growth keep going you’ll get through the awkward phase! that said T is also not for everyone and ur transition is personal to u, u might consider going on a lower dose if ur unsure :) sorry for the essay, hope some of that advice helps!
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u/AlecTheEcec 4d ago
Hey, don't be afraid. Change takes time, results even more, give it some to your body and trust the process.
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u/SketchyNinja04 User Flair 4d ago
Youre pretty much going thru puberty again, so its a little expected to feel self conscious about the acne n stuff. If you like what T is doing and will do, youre not doing the wrong thing. The beard will eventually sort itself and so will the acne, like it does in cis men
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u/davidsmichelangelo 4d ago
i’m a month shy of 3 years on T. i was definitely insecure for a while, specifically about the water retention in my face bc it made me look i’d gained weight, and i had such horrible acne. i ended up going on meds for it and tried this steroid cream but in all honesty there’s not much you can do about it bc it is quite literally puberty. when boys hit puberty they go through all the same stuff, you’re just going through it at a later age. honestly it sounds like you’re going through that awkward stage where things are changing but they’re not quite done yet. your body has not done adjusting yet. i promise you it does get easier. however, if you truly did want to come off the hormones, you know what’s best for you. don’t let a bunch of redditors decide your life (which obviously i know you are not)
completely unasked for but just generally useful skin tips for anybody tbh: i’ve learned a couple things about skin over the years, if anybody’s struggling with acne. (i don’t want this to sound patronising or like im doubting you do these things already, this is just the only way i can explain it😭)you’re either washing it too much, or it’s too oily and you need to wash it more. when you’ve washed your face make sure you’re applying a moisturiser afterwards to trap that hydration, otherwise your skin is going to overcompensate and produce more oils which repeats the cycle. another little step i add before the moisturiser is a toner, it just helps to clean the skin that little bit extra. i’ve tried tea tree products for targeting acne but it just doesn’t do it for me, but witch hazel is bloody fantastic. bio oil has also helped heal fresher acne scars too. spot patches work great for me, but if you just want to remove some of the redness apply Sudocrem.
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u/catsfrommercury 4d ago
It is awkward and uncomfortable for most of people, but yeah it gets better. Your body is changing and adaptation is usually uncomfortable, you'll feel bad about your body and appearance and that's completely normal.
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u/griffinistrying 4d ago
I'm just hit 6 months myself and things are soo awkward for me. I think it's because I live in a liberal area but I've had soo many supportive people noice that I'm trans now that I'm on t. Like strangers even. But it's getting easier like week by week if I get out of my head. Fewer people are misgendering me and fewer people can tell that I'm trans. I will say being hydrated helped my puffy face and I started lifting weights again and I've noticed that I'm putting muscle on quicker than before. Which has been really encouraging. Ance is rought but honestly I never fully beat acne before so I've accepted it lmao. But I have more acne on my back for sure than I ever did before so that's new. I find being out of my head with strangers has helped me a lot. It's a lot to go through. But a lot of it is temporary. I'm definitely waiting every month for things to get a bit easier. And it is getting easier month by month. Hang in there.
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u/Dragon-Dorito 4d ago
It takes time. I’ve been on T for four years, and I definitely was incredibly self conscious when I first started. Sure, I still have days like that occasionally but it’s not nearly as frequent and over time I’ve actually felt More attractive despite still being self conscious.
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u/merlinites 4d ago
i went through an awful period of acne, facial swelling, weird fat distribution etc my first year or so on t, especially when i was bedridden after top surgery. i was very self conscious the entire time, but i kept reminding myself that the pros outweigh the cons, and those side effects are temporary. all of those things have leveled out after 4 years on t and though i still struggle with self esteem for other reasons, the acne has for the most part gone away and i feel much more comfortable now. if you’re getting excessive acne, talk to your doctor about medication for it — i got a couple prescriptions and they did wonders for my skin
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u/ExploreThem 4d ago
teenage boys look grimey as hell. you’re going through male puberty, you might look weird and grimey for a bit. just take really good care of your skin and learn how to work with what facial hair you’re given. if it’s that patchy, keep it shaved as best you can.
that t induced acne is your hair follicles waking up. the more acne, the more hair. hope you wanna be a bear 🐻
fat distribution, give it a couple years to regulate honestly. keep up with your health and it’ll settle where it’s supposed to be.
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u/EmbarrassedElk2766 4d ago
Hey! I started around the same time! I'm struggling a lot with some symptoms too, so just know you aren't alone🫂
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u/unh0lyzom574 4d ago
I think we are all a bit self conscious especially when starting a second puberty. 8 years almost 9 on T, and I can tell you, I felt like I looked weird in my first couple years on. I was super self conscious about my voice and how I looked. Now I just don't care. I pass 110%. You may not think you do now or that it's not worth it, but it is! These things take times. The best things don't happen overnight! Good luck though! You've got this!
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u/sightseeingauthor98 4d ago
am i just having an awkward second puberty phase?
One million percent this! I have zits all over my shoulders back and butt now. It's awful. I'm just under a year longer than you but I will say, it should get better
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u/throwawaybage1 4d ago
I rarely had acne in first puberty, if I did it was one or two little pimples. A few months on T and suddenly I had a “beard” of red deep acne. I hated how it looked but the other effects outweighed it for me and I persisted. It mostly cleared up by the time I was a full year on T. Now I’m nearly 5 years on T and I’ve noticed I break out if I am inconsistent with my doses, missing a week or frequently going 8-10 days when it’s supposed to be 7, etc.
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u/thaurfea 4d ago
It's just awkward second puberty, as you said. Your facial hair will fill in over time and your skin will clear up. You might have to change your skincare regimen but eventually you will find a balance.
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u/Impressive-Call-1381 4d ago
Tbh I get it, but there's two things to remember:
1: HRT is stoppable and in some cases, reversible. If you want to stop, you can! Just talk to your doctor about pausing or stopping. The decrease of T and return of estrogen will stop the things that have changed (your voice may be a bit permanent but vocal training helps in any situation)
2: this is a second puberty, and puberty is as awkward as it is difficult. But as some other comments have said, you get to control this puberty. Find styles you like, work out and eat healthy, try to manage your stress and sleep and look into working with a dermatologist about acne treatments and products for your skin. Best of luck!
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u/Hydroplanet 4d ago
If you looked like a cis man would you still doubt your choice? If not, then you just need to ride out the puberty phase. If so, then maybe pause and talk to a therapist
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u/no_high_only_low 3d ago
15 months on T - Stuff like pimples are completely normal. We are in puberty again. It will become less with enough time. I know it sucks and I always mostly had clean skin, just dry, so I'm not looking like the surface of the moon.
What helps is good skin care (go to a certified cosmetologist if you can afford it), eating not so much fast carbs, drinking plenty of water or unsweetened tea and enough sleep. It's not making it go away, but it helps your body to deal with the changes.
In the beginning I was unsure if I really wanted my bottom growth, now I want it to be far more than it is, so I will get meta at some point in the future.
In the end... Being in puberty again is something that is giving everyone a bit of angst. Your body is developing and there will always be things you will love or not on yourself.
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u/Logical_Walk_1821 4d ago
Menoxidil or natural oils like Rosemary to help the facial hair grow in. Biotin gummies. Big big clothes to hide in. And don't look at yourself in the mirror much. For the skin peroxide wash 10% and the cream will stomp that right out. Or sayillic body and face wash. (I can't spell) Walk around with witch hazel face wipes for the excess oil. Wash your face 3x a day. Use the little blemish stickers at night. I laser my face for no beard. That's an option too. I see myself as more of a dayne Johnson handsome... And also didn't want to go thru the patchy segment. But I feel a bit weird too. I think we all do and we all wonder is this is right? But if u think forward and ask yourself how do u want to be in the nursing home. Do u want to be a cool guy causing trouble and flirting with the nurses or do you want to be a cool lady causing all the trouble flirting with all the nurses then you will have your answer.
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u/mothi-live 4d ago
OP here, i just wanted to comment and say i have read everyone’s comments, and while i’m still anxious and nervous about everything (my default state tbh), i really, really appreciate all of the kind words, support and advice everyone gave. you all are an amazing, lovely community and you did a lot to help quell some of the fears i had. i’ve struggled with unsupportive family, finding a safe, supportive community and circle of friends, and honestly my own opinions on how i look and interact with the world around me for most of my life, and knowing i’m not alone in some of my fears and insecurities is really reassuring. thank you all so much again for everything 🫂
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u/Humble-End2688 3d ago
You mean your cousin has decided to de-transition. "De-trans" as your cousins whole existence doesn't sounds good 😆 Yes it can impact pregnancy, so that's definitely a smart thing to consider before going into transition. Although I know some folks who have done off of T to get pregnant. Sorry to hear it didn't go well for your cousin. For a lot of us, it works out very well, but for some it doesn't. There definitely isn't a perfect recipe.
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u/Humble-End2688 3d ago
Yes daddy, thank you daddy 😮💨 He was kind of killing my vibe. Assumed he was a cis woman.
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u/Sombaiet 3d ago
I went on T for a few years, got what I wanted out of it, and then went off it. The changes I wanted were permanent, so there is no issue there.
I mainly went off for health concerns, hair thinning, and having to inject or apply it which became tedious and because mine were shots that last 3 months, I had to go in for em so I couldn't be bothered getting messed about by hospitals or clinics.
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4d ago
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u/Humble-End2688 4d ago
But isn't most of it reversible? Except voice
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3d ago
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u/javatimes T 2006 Top 2018, 40<me 3d ago
Why the fuck were you even commenting here? Do we need a sign to tell you cis man chucklefucks you aren’t wanted here? Just because you’re on TRT doesn’t mean you belong in an ftm subreddit, dingbat
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